Sunday, 20 October 1991 (continued)

The moment that Laura walked into the Potters' kitchen, Tonks breathed a sigh of relief. She came!

They'd met for dinner the night before, at a hole-in-the-wall Muggle chippy in Brighton. Laura had asked that Tonks not reveal their dinner plans to Remus or Peter, and although Tonks felt badly for keeping it from Remus, she agreed. It had been well worth the little white lie of telling Remus that she was seeing a new friend from work: two hours with Laura had given Tonks a shocking amount of information about her husband's friends.

They'd started off with Tonks going on a rant about her frustrations with Lily, the party, and Remus's work situation. Tonks hadn't meant for it to come pouring out of her, but it was like a torrent of rain that had started and wouldn't stop. Laura had listened, nodding at many points, and took the conversation from there.

"What you've got to understand, Tonks," said Laura, "is that this is the only family that most of them have. Lily's parents are dead and her sister doesn't talk to her much. James's parents died right after Pete and I got married. Sirius ran off and his brother wants nothing to do with him. Remus lost his mum, Peter never had a dad around. Amelia's the only one with a normal family. They're all purebloods and they've got money, you know, so they can afford to not work and spend all day lounging with each other. Amelia likes to work but she hasn't got to do it for the money. Her kids go to school by her parents and they get to see each other often."

"What does that have to do with anything?" asked Tonks.

"They don't understand what it's like to be you or me," Laura replied grimly. "You and I, we've got families we love but we're not rich."

"How do you know I'm not—"

"You got married so you could work at the Ministry." Laura flashed Tonks a pitying smile. "I know your Dad too, by the way, and Healers make decent money, but your mum works, doesn't she?"

Tonks nodded at this. "Ever since I can remember she had a job."

"Lily, she came from nothing and she married James," Laura continued. "She's not a bad person. Her life is their family. She's forgot, I think, what it's like to be like us. To have to work, to only have a limited amount of time with your own family, to split your life in half because you have no choice."

"Split your life in half?"

"James and Lily are each other's families. They've got no one else but each other. James, Sirius, Remus, Pete, they're practically brothers . . . and Lily's got a few friends too but they're not so . . ."

"Attached?" Tonks prompted.

Laura nodded. "Sirius and Amelia get plenty of time with Amelia's family during the week. Pete and I have got to split what time we have. I bet you and Remus are having a tough time."

Tonks stared in disbelief. "It's like you can read my mind."

"Pete and I had the same arguments, I reckon," said Laura. "He spent all his time at the shop, his weekends with his friends, and we couldn't figure out how to be a real married couple. I got fed up and told him that he had to pick me or his friends."

"So he picked his friends," Tonks said quietly, thinking of Remus choosing the same.

"He said he wanted to pick me." Laura sighed and pushed back her hair. "He said I wasn't being fair, and I get that now, I was furious with him then. We were only 18, 19 and we didn't know how to figure it out. I told him he made his choice and I made mine. We had Walter and I told him that if he didn't pick Walter over his friends or job, we'd be done. I'm not proud of this, but I told him I'd tell the Ministry he hurt me, and I knew how to make it look real."

Tonks gasped audibly, which turned several Muggles' heads towards her. When they turned back, she gaped at Laura in astonishment. Abuse was a one-way ticket to divorce and castration for wizards. For witches who lied, they'd get sent to Azkaban for at least ten years, but it was next to unheard of for witches to get punished.

"I know, I know." Laura shook her head. "It was stupid of me. I didn't want my son to be without his father. Peter could pick his friends over me. Not Walter."

"Is that why you don't have more kids?"

"Sort of . . . it's hard enough to split our time with family with just our son. We've still got to pay for our families' potions, Walter's things, our house. It'd be tighter with more. We're not like the Potters or the Blacks. We didn't inherit a vault full of gold from our parents or rich uncle."

Tonks gripped the sides of her chair. She knew Remus had saved up a handsome amount of gold. As an Auror, she'd make a great salary, and if they needed the help, her parents would be generous. Money wouldn't be their problem, just time.

"What am I supposed to do about Lily?" Tonks finally asked. "She hates me."

"I doubt that," Laura replied. "She might think you're an idiot like me."

"An idiot?"

"I might've let her think that I was hoping for someone else when I chose Peter out of the catalogue," Laura said, with a wry smile. "I didn't know it was Peter, honest, but I didn't care. I was like you. I wanted to work and get the kid thing out of the way. So I'm not in love with my husband, who cares? We've got a pretty good life, I'd say. Walter's worth it. He's my life."

Tonks thought of how attentive Peter was with Walter; maybe two adoring parents were all her own children needed, and love didn't matter. But her curiosity got the better of her once more.

"Can I ask you—did you want to be in love?"

Laura fell silent for a few seconds. "Don't we all?"

"My friend Blythe's parents don't mind."

"Not minding and wanting are two different things," Laura chuckled. "Some people really don't care. I was kind of hoping Pete and I could be like one of those couples who can fall in love after a while, but we never figured out how to do that. It's probably too late."

Tonks couldn't help herself. She asked, much too eagerly, "What do you mean, 'figured out'?"

"I don't know," Laura said. "How to talk? How to not fight? How to have a life together? We never got there. We tried . . . maybe we needed to try harder." A few seconds took place before Laura spoke again. "Pete's a good bloke. I know that. His friends are fine people, they're just not my people. Walter's lucky to have all those 'cousins' to play with. Our life is good enough for me."

After another brief silence, Tonks thought of another question. "Why did you agree to help me?"

Laura's eyes crinkled. "Because I wish I had someone tell me it was going to be okay, or tell me that it didn't have to be perfect to be good enough."

"Thank you." Tonks looked down at her empty plate. "I needed this."

"I'll do you one more favor," Laura offered, as Tonks snapped her head up. "I'll drop by the Potters' tomorrow and talk up your dad. I don't know him well, but I know he's mad about your mum and he's proud of you."

"He is?" Tonks smiled, thinking of her father telling his coworkers at St. Mungo's about her.

"If anyone knows anything about Healer Tonks, if he's not with patients, he's either talking about your mum, you, or West Ham. He's been going off about some bloke's twisted ankle lately."

Tonks laughed out loud. She thanked Laura profusely for her help, and hoped that they would actually become friends over time.

". . . they're staring at us," Amelia said, bringing Tonks out of her reverie. She flicked her wand at the window above the sink and shut the blinds.

"The usual charms?" Lily offered, already raising her wand in preparation.

"We sometimes put spells on the doors and windows to give us more privacy," Amelia explained to Tonks. "From children and eavesdropping husbands."

"Can I try some?" Tonks asked. "I've learned some good ones recently."

Lily had already cast some charms on the house, but she shrugged, so Tonks happily cast newly learned charms and hexes on the side of the house too. The witches gathered near one of the windows and watched as James, and then Sirius, tried to undo the magic.

Amelia guffawed when James knocked Sirius over, and doubled over in laughter when Sirius was flipped back too. Laura snickered, and even Lily broke into a smile.

"Was that your work?" giggled Amelia, turning back toward Tonks.

Tonks grinned and nodded. "Alice taught me those. I put one more on, maybe Peter or Remus will get it."

They remained gathered at the window, observing their husbands discuss the strategy, but they eventually turned away to play with the children. Amused and proud of herself, Tonks sat back in the kitchen and grabbed a biscuit. Laura, to her credit, was already pouring tea and changing the topic of conversation.

". . . have either of you had the chance to meet Tonks's parents yet?" she asked, raising her eyes to meet Lily and Amelia's. "I see Healer Tonks at the hospital all the time. He's always going on about his daughter, and I'd just forgot till now that I can get to know her too." Laura smiled encouragingly at Tonks.

Lily shook her head but Amelia nodded. "A few times, briefly," said Amelia. "It's been years. We met up with them a few times when our oldest were very young. Nym— Tonks might've already been in school." She glanced at Tonks for confirmation and gave her an apologetic smile. "I still think of you as Nymphadora, it's how your mum writes your name on the Christmas cards."

"It's fine," Tonks shrugged. "I remember meeting Sirius once, ages ago. We never did much with Mum's family. It was always Dad's side."

"I can't blame your mum for that," Amelia said. "I can count on two hands how many times I've met my in-laws."

Tonks didn't even know what Sirius's parents looked like. She had seen a few photographs of her mother's family, from when they were children, but there weren't any of the rest of the family. "What are they like?" she asked. "Sirius's parents?"

Amelia pursed her lips. "Insufferable. They were at our wedding and couldn't shut up about how Sirius did the 'right thing' for once and married a pureblood. He told them off right then and there that he wouldn't have cared what blood I had."

"That was after they'd asked me how it felt to know I was dirtying an already traitorous bloodline," Lily added.

"They left after we said our vows," Amelia finished. "Sirius's brother didn't stay much longer."

"I didn't know you had a real wedding," Tonks murmured, taking a glimpse at the sizable stone on Amelia's finger. "With friends at your ceremony, I mean."

"When you marry from the catalogue, the Ministry doesn't let you invite anyone but family," Amelia responded. "They used to, but it was a zoo to have wedding after wedding and loads of people showing up. If you marry outside the catalogue and plan your own wedding, you can do whatever you like."

"Your wedding must've been like mine," Laura said to Tonks. "Only family, yeah?"

Tonks nodded. "It was me, Remus, his dad, and my parents. That's all."

"What is Remus's dad like?" asked Laura. "I don't think we've met."

Lily began, "He's a sweet—"

" My father-in-law," Tonks interjected, "is great. I just saw him the other day. We went out to dinner, just the two of us."

"You did?" Lily asked, looking somewhat surprised and impressed.

"Remus has been working late every day. I saw Lyall on Thursday 'cause we hadn't been by his house in a while. I'm going to have him over more often." Tonks snatched another biscuit from the plate in front of her. "He showed me a bunch of Remus's baby pictures and told me about his wife, Remus's mam. It was nice."

"Now that I think on it," said Amelia, tilting her head slightly, "Remus doesn't speak of his father often."

"He feels guilty about it," Lily said knowingly. "Doesn't want to disturb his dad's peaceful life, you see."

"That doesn't seem right," said Tonks, frowning. "Lyall loves it when Remus comes to see him."

Lily held her cup to her lips and said, "It's more about Remus than it is about his father."

Before Tonks could say more, Amelia spoke. "Laura, weren't you saying something about Mr. Tonks?"

"Oh yes, I was," Laura responded. "Brilliant Healer, he is, and he was in the Healers' lounge the other day, saying something about this footie player's ankle and him being willing to risk the Statute of Secrecy to heal it before the next match." She chuckled and Tonks beamed; it was just like her father to want to fix everything himself. "He mentioned taking his family, new son-in-law included, to the match for his birthday. I'd quite forgot that Remus was his son-in-law now."

"You couldn't miss that," Amelia said to Tonks. "Your dad must be over the moon that he'll have someone new to talk to about football."

Tonks snorted. "I doubt Remus will be interested, but if my dad can make a West Ham fan out of him, he'd die of happiness."

Amelia and Laura laughed. Tonks noticed Lily hadn't said anything, but she had a thoughtful expression on her face.

"Look at the time!" Laura glanced at the clock on the wall, which only read six o'clock. Tonks was used to being at the Potters' for at least another hour every week.

"Getting late for you?" Amelia asked.

"I'm going to see my sister again tomorrow morning," Laura replied. "She's got the new baby and she's having a tough go of it. I've got some things to do before I see her."

"We should lift the charms," said Lily, shifting awkwardly off her seat with her almost-eight-month pregnancy belly. "I've got potions for Remus."

"I can give them to him," Tonks offered.

Lily's smile faded slightly. "It's no trouble at all. He has a better nose for this sort of thing."

Tonks couldn't argue. Amelia was already up and un-doing the charms, but not all of them would budge. Tonks, brightening, came to help.

"Top-level Auror secrets, eh?" Amelia joked.

"Nah." Tonks lifted the charms with ease. "It's just a modified Flipendo with Impervius and a Shield Charm attached to them. The other one's a modified Knockback Jinx with a stronger Imperturbable Charm. Low-level charms for non-violent offenders."

With the charms and magic lifted off the windows, doors, and side of the house, the kitchen door swung open to unveil four irritable and muddy wizards, followed by a troop of similarly muddy, but triumphant children.

The witches burst into laughter at their state. Tonks met Laura's eye, winked, and mouthed " thank you ."

It had been the best Sunday at the Potters' yet.

Remus was drying his hair with a towel when Lily came to see him in her back office.

"Daisy was proud of her handiwork," Lily said, with a chuckle.

"When they realized we couldn't come in," said Remus, "and I made the stupid mistake of suggesting we join them in the treehouse, Daisy and Carina got the idea to throw acorns at us. We don't know whose magic it was, but somehow they got ahold of water and dirt."

"A mud fight?"

"They were merciless," Remus complained. While James and Sirius thought it was amusing and impressive at first, they eventually regretted their encouragement when they were drenched in freezing mud. Warming Charms had only done so much to help them.

Lily grinned. "Like mothers, like daughters."

"I doubt you'll tell me whose magic it was that flipped us back."

Lily knocked one of the glasses to the floor, but it didn't shatter. "Your wife's, actually."

"Impressive," Remus murmured.

Lily stoppered one of the doses of Wolfsbane Potions and set it aside. "How are things with her?"

"Good—she's been off to see friends—"

"And your dad?"

"My dad?"

"She mentioned she saw your dad the other day, had dinner with him."

"She went on a date with my dad?"

"What are you talking about?" Lily asked, horrified. "A date with your father ?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You're the one who mentioned the date!"

Lily shook her auburn hair behind her shoulders. "What on earth are trying to tell me?"

Remus wanted to knock his head against the nearest wall, but instead, he figured that his pride couldn't possibly sink lower. He quickly divulged his growing affections for Tonks, the secretive dinner she'd been at the night before, and his concern that she had asked him about his past love life because there was something she needed to confess to him.

"I can't just ask her who she had dinner with," Remus concluded. "I don't want to accuse her of anything or—"

"She's your wife, Remus, not some Muggle girl you picked up at the pub," Lily returned. "You can get the marriage annulled if you can prove she's been unfaithful."

Remus fell silent. He didn't want his marriage to be over; even if Tonks had feelings for another man, he could try to win her heart also. "What if she did have dinner with my dad?"

"Why would she need to keep that from you?"

Remus ran a shaky hand through his hair. "I know. It doesn't make sense."

"I've got half a mind to—" Lily made her way to the door but stopped. "I don't want to see you get hurt."

"I know."

"What did James say?"

"Tell her how I feel," Remus replied quietly. "Ask her on a date."

Lily tsked under her breath. "If you weren't married or if she was any other witch, I'd agree with him. She's got your life in her hands. One wrong move and—" Lily shuddered. "Be gentle when you ask her about the dinner. Maybe ask her the same questions she asked you . . . if she went on a lot of dates, if she'd been in love. It wouldn't be out of line."

"She's barely out of school," Remus countered weakly. "She said she was a virgin . . . I realize now she could've been lying to me."

The scrap of hope Remus had been holding onto was slipping away.

"Listen to me," said Lily, as she turned back to face Remus. "It's probably not as bad as you imagine. She's brash and naïve, but I don't believe she means to get either of you in trouble with the Ministry."

It was of little comfort to think that Tonks was only staying faithful to the marriage for her position at the Ministry, rather than her desire to stay with him.

"Ask her who she went out with," Lily advised, "or why she won't tell you. She's being immature, but you've got to reckon it's her age. She's got growing up to do, you know."

Remus couldn't argue with Lily's assessment. He knew little about women, let alone women thirteen years his junior. Perhaps he would take her advice and simply ask Tonks who she had seen.

Remus's mind was drowning with worries.

Though he usually liked to make small talk, or ask how Tonks's time had been with the witches, he had been silent from the moment he and Tonks came through the Floo to their home.

There was no good way to ask her if she was in love with another man without humiliating himself.

"You're awfully quiet," Tonks observed, after two cups of tea were consumed in silence. "As my dad would say, 'Knut for your thoughts'?"

Remus froze momentarily, panicked that she could read his mind. Upon seeing her open, cheerful expression, he decided it was better to give a vague answer. "Just thinking," he mumbled, and set down his mug with a soft clink .

Tonks plopped herself on the sofa as two kittens came crawling up her legs. "Good thinking or bad thinking?"

"Just thinking. That's all."

"You know that's not a very helpful answer, right?" Tonks tucked her legs underneath her and pulled a thick blanket over her lap. "But Mum would say I shouldn't pry, so I'm sorry if that was too personal. We can just not talk, or if you want to be alone, I can go to another room."

When Tonks lifted her mug to her lips, Remus couldn't help but notice the way her eyes dimmed.

If he had any chance of winning her over, he couldn't let the silence hang over them like a storm cloud.

"I wanted to ask you," Remus said slowly, finding he could no longer keep his desperation at bay, "was there someone else you wanted to marry, before me?"

Tonks choked on her sip of tea and slapped her chest repeatedly to cough up what she'd inhaled.

Great, Remus thought, now you've threatened her life with a question. As if she'd ever—

"From the catalogue, you mean?" Tonks's lips formed a pout as she caught her breath. "There were a couple in there that were fine, but you were the best."

Remus rubbed the back of his neck and looked off to the side. He cleared his throat and gave Tonks another minute to clear her lungs. "I meant, erm, if—if there was someone you might've wanted to be with—not in the catalogue?"

"Oh, er—" The roots of Tonks's hair deepened to crimson. "Kind of?"

Remus's hope and happiness plummeted to the netherworld. "I see."

"It wouldn't have worked out," Tonks said quickly. "One, he never thought of me that way. The other . . . he's not into girls. He's a dragon tamer, prefers them and other men."

"But you would have preferred them," said Remus flatly.

"Maybe?"

Remus thought the next Dementor he saw would give him a recreation of this precise conversation, bloody full moons be damned.

"But that would've been a long time ago," Tonks added hastily. "Not anymore."

Remus blinked back evidence of his disappointment. He said, struggling to keep his voice even, "It's all right if you have feelings for—"

"I don't," Tonks cut him off. "Not anymore. I don't—I'm happy you're my husband. I don't want anyone else."

It was all well and good for Tonks to reassure Remus that she didn't want anyone else, but the facts had spoken for themselves. Had she been given another option, she would have taken it. Instantly, the room was too hot, Remus's skin was too tight, and he needed to bolt, make a run for it, to save himself from—

"What did I do wrong?"

Remus glanced up and saw Tonks's face crumple.

No, he panicked internally, this was his new worst memory. His wife crying because he'd been a jealous, self-centered prick.

"I'm sorry," she sniffled, with tears beginning to stream down her face, "I p-p-promise, I d-d-didn't—"

Remus rushed from where he was— how had he gotten to the front door— and immediately wrapped his arms around Tonks.

"No, no, no, sweetheart, please don't cry," Remus begged. "It's my fault, I'm sorry, you didn't do anything wrong—it's all my fault—"

"B-b-but y-you were running away—"

"I didn't mean to—I don't know what came over me—please forgive me—"

Tonks peered up at him with wet, red-rimmed eyes. "What d-did I do? Was it something I s-said?"

Remus had never been the cleverest man, or the most courageous, or even the kindest, and yet nothing had made him feel more like a dung heap than the way he had hurt Tonks with his stupidity.

"This is my fault," he insisted. "You—you're perfect—you've done nothing wrong." He took her hands in his, but stopped himself before he kissed her palms. Lily had told him to be gentle, James had told him to tell Tonks how he felt, and Sirius suggested a date.

Not one of those options involved Remus making Tonks cry, or obscuring just how wretched he truly was.

Tonks's tears were subsiding. Remus didn't want to let go of her hands, or move even an inch from where she sat. He was starting to believe that it wasn't Tonks who was immature, as she had been honest with him from the start.

"You don't have to explain—" Tonks began, but Remus shook his head.

"This is all a misunderstanding," said Remus. "I was worried—you went to dinner with someone, and you don't have to tell me who, you're entitled to your own life—and I thought it might've been with someone from your past."

Tonks gawked at him, with her mouth open and eyes wide. "What past?"

"Any men you were with before—before us."

Tonks let go of one of his hands to wipe tears away from her cheek. "I never even had a real boyfriend. Just a couple blokes who were more interested in what I could do with my body than in me."

Remus hadn't thought it possible to feel worse about himself, but he was finding that being in love had the unfortunate side effect of exposing all his worst flaws.

"She asked me not to say anything," Tonks added quietly, "but it was Laura I saw. Peter's wife. I wanted her advice and she said she'd help me."

Suddenly the unexpected appearance of Laura at the Potters' made sense. Remus's curiosity burned over what advice Tonks had wanted, and the help Laura had supposedly given her, but the curiosity was nothing compared to the tsunami of relief and shame that coursed through his heart.

"I'm an idiot," Remus muttered.

"What?"

Remus hung his head. If he had any chance of having Tonks love him in return, he had lost it. Honesty was all he had left.

"I was jealous," he admitted. "Jealous that you had gone to see another man, that you didn't want—"

"I'd never do that to you, Remus," Tonks said softly. "I could never."

As Tonks's natural mousy brown hair gave way to streaks of pastel pink, Remus gazed at the young woman who had upended his world and had vowed once more to be faithful to him. She still held one of his hands in hers, with her fingertips touching the soft hair on the back of his hand. Silvery moonbeams, signaling the next full moon only days away, cloaked her in their brilliance. Her increasingly pink hair nearly shimmered under the light, and her eyes, dimmer than usual, still twinkled ever so sweetly in her face. She was everything Remus could have wanted, everything he dreamt of having. He had to pluck up the courage to try.

"T-Tonks?"

"Mmm?" She turned her head, tucked a tuft of hair behind her ear, and looked up at him expectantly. "Is something wrong?"

"Not at all." Remus swallowed his fears. "There's something else I'd like to ask you."

"Okay?"

Remus's heart threatened to jump out of his ribcage.

"Will you go on a date with me?"