AN: Cyber Cookie rewards to ghust95 and IloveM.A.D.B.
ghust95 - Yep, those were both correct! Can't use Vaggie to ref B99 all the time, even if I totally should, and who doesn't like a DC reference?
iloveM.A.D.B. - Alright, wise ass, you get a half cyber cookie for getting the song title reference. Can't believe you'd mix up AC/DC and Metallica...If you want the rest of the cookie, the other half is inside of Steve.
Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.
One Knuckleheaded Glutton
Three Minutes of Ecstasy
From where she was seated on the bathroom counter, Octavia flipped through her Voxtagram while Satina got her morning bath with Itachi's help. It took some persuasion on both Imp and Princess' part to convince the girl that bathing was not only important for someone of their status – Octavia couldn't believe she actually used those words – but it would also make her feel better. Granted, the argument didn't have to happen if Octavia didn't show off her lack of need for such hygienics – royal demonic power for the win! – before she learned the child hadn't gone through her morning routine yet.
Another reason that the little demoness was clearly the most important and precious thing in the Ring: Octavia prioritized her wellbeing.
"Miss Satina, please stop splashing. I do not want to get soap in your eye." Itachi patiently said to the child.
"But the quackster overlord is going to capsize the Envious Vassel! Their only hope is to dredge up the power of Levi-Tan to help them escape!" Satina argued, gesturing animatedly at the rubber duck and toy boat in front of her. Consequently making more splashing. Octavia smirked, served the Imp right for waking her up so ungodly early.
"I think you mean Lord Leviathan." Itachi corrected her in his cool, collected tone.
"S'what I said! Levi-tan!"
"Yeah, Itachi, can't you hear right?" Octavia teased. The Imp gave her an unimpressed glance that made her laugh before he went back to carefully washing the young daughter of their hostess. A new alert popped up and tore her eyes away from the bathing duo.
Moonlight_Howling_666 posted one (1) clip "My Boyfriend Is A Literal Child". Moonlight_Howling_666 tagged OrangeFuchsRamen in a clip.
"Oh, this should be good." Octavia chuckled. Hey, cool! That's the original Stylish Occult outlet in Greed, going there at least once without Father chaperoning was on her bucket list; Mother would never step foot in there so she didn't need to have her on the list.
"Babe, c'mon–What the fuck are you doing? ...Snrk, are you hungry, Naruto?" The recording Hellhound failed to stifle a laugh as she turned the camera from the popular subculture-focused outlet toward the Foxfiend – wearing a fitted white T-shirt and khaki shorts, the most casual Octavia's ever seen him dressed considering he wore something akin to fatigues when he was bodyguarding her – that was staring with fully alert ears at a musical and lit up sweets shop. His ear flicked to her for a moment and his tail wriggled adorably for a bit at the last word before it stopped. The music it played was some old club hit she didn't know before it changed to a crunk hip-hop variant of a literal children's song (1) with a heavy base distortion. Naruto's tail wriggled to a nonstop blur before he bobbed his head and made his way to the sweet's door – Boomer's Bites & Bittles? Octavia might actually have to check it out – when the song repeated, he pumped his arms to and from his chest, rolled his hips and proceeded to dance into the store. At that point, the Hellhound cut the footage just as she started to laugh.
Octavia did the same, almost falling from her perch on the bathroom counter.
"What's so funny, Octy?" Satina asked.
"Please stop moving, Miss Satina." Itachi sighed and scrubbed a sudsy rag behind the girl's ear.
"Just a guy I know acting like an id-er, dummy."
"Oh! Like how Mommy calls Daddy her favorite 'Human Dummy with a cute little Peen!'"
Itachi started and dropped the rag into the water to make a large splash while Octavia spluttered out another startled laugh.
"...Well, fuck, there's someone else I'll have to bribe to keep that shit quiet." Lucia deadpanned as she watched the footage of her daughter with the Goetia Prince's child and her Imp servant. Were it not for the utter professionalism and maturity she'd seen from the latter of the two – not to mention his alignment on a particular rainbow – she'd have been livid he was getting Satina through her morning routine while her actual caretaker fell back into her old role with other servants of the house.
"Five thousand monthly should cover their silence, she's only a teenager and its merely a courtesy." She muttered, making a note in a small black book that had a dumb-looking, average human's picture on its cover. She tapped the face with a claw and her lip twitched before a loud yell of outrage had her return her attention to her cameras.
"...Not Stella." The wife of Paimon's heir was still sleeping after their tryst. Side note, that was a freaky chickadee Stolas was married to. If he got her an official consort and just played up life as an airheaded cuckold, their marriage and reputation might be salvageable enough where he could fuck an Imp and no one would care – not that anyone did anyway; only the most desperate and insecure souls tried to make a big deal out of shit like that. Alas, neither of the birdbrains were that bright and it wasn't Lucia's fucking job to save their marriage for them.
She flipped cameras and deadpanned.
"Should've guessed."
"Fucking shit rapist kidnapping sonova – Stolas! Brace yourself bitch!" The Imp lover to the Idiot Prince in question started a new raucous round of sex after he tossed his cellphone aside. Geez, this guy had a lot of issues if he was just going raw like that...Or maybe Stolas was still lubed? Probably the latter, but she wouldn't be surprised if it were the former. At least that wasn't going to kill the Prince.
Lucia set up the camera to record – another fucking easy sum of cash – and then continued to go through her property's security. She was just relieved that it was her week off for the month, that bitch Azalea could have all the headaches and struggles of Wrath.
"Now, what should I do when I'm done here...?"
Verosika groaned as she pulled herself out of bed and the four armed embrace that was trying to suffocate her. Platonic cuddling was cute and all, but when nature calls, you fucking answered it. Rubbing sleep out of her eye, she stumbled into her hotel room's bathroom. She dropped her night shorts – yeah, she occasionally just slept in clothes, people, it happens! ...Rarely, but it happens! – and sat on the toilet. She started doing her business and scrolled through the new posts.
Fan thirst, terrible cosplay knock-off, fan thirst, jealous Incel rant, fan thirst, terrible cosplay knock-off, fan thirst, some politician trying to deny totally accurate accusations, terrible cosplay knock-off – oh, hey a gender-flip, that's new; still shit, though – fan thirst, fan thirst, the little bitch of Blitzø's that stole the Virgin Demon Dick posing with him in a cute picture, fan thirst, fan thirst–Hold on, back up.
Moonlight_Howling_666 posted one (1) picture. Moonlight_Howling_666 tagged OrangeFuchsRamen. There was a caption along with it: Did anyone else enjoy that surprise last night? I know we did.
"...Fucking bullshit." Verosika snarled as she stared at the picture. That cute face should've been buried in her cunt in that video that night, those thick furry lips should be buried in her cheek on a Wrathian balcony that morning, and that no-longer-virgin should be making her smile wide as her ears lit up and her tail wagged into view. ...Okay, so that last bit was a Hellhound thing and totally irrelevant. Another alert tore her from her thoughts.
Moonlight_Howling_666 posted one (1) clip "My Boyfriend Is A Literal Child". Moonlight_Howling_666 tagged OrangeFuchsRamen in a clip.
Another post? Great. Might as well look at this one and fuel her insecurities and depression even more—Shit. How and when did they get to that side of Greed? Ew, was that Stylish Occult? What, was this Hound a depressed, shut-in fourteen-year-old that never grew up? ...Well, she was Blitzø's daughter, even if adopted, so maybe. She watched the video and snorted when it ended.
"Okay, that was fucking cute." Verosika smirked, happy it was just footage of Bee's snack-sized hunk of a brother acting like a dork and not something to really be jealous of. The comments on the clip all had similar opinions, with a surprising amount of thirsty losers expressing disappointment at not seeing the goth Hound. With her business done, she flushed and stepped out of her pants then pulled her top off and her phone was set on the counter. The quick forty minute shower ended with a great orgasm caused by a self-given flick-job and tail-assisted penetration.
Alright, she's in a better mood now – not that she was in a terrible mood to begin with, but the point stands that she felt better – and she should probably get a headstart on the day. She wrapped a towel around her hair and went through her makeup bag to – another fucking ding.
Moonlight_Howling_666 posted four (4) pictures. Moonlight_Howling_666 tagged OrangeFuchsRamen in four (4) pictures.
"Asmodeus fucking dammit…" She grumbled at the alert post. Bitch needed to cool off on the 'gram posts already before Verosika took it as a personal dig. Rationally, she knew it wasn't, but Succubi had their own 'instincts', to say the least. The virgin dick that got away was not to be forgotten until she either found a new one – fucking unlikely that she'd find a virgin demon of legal age – or got that desire for it scratched. Might as well get this over with, she turned and leaned against the sink as she looked at the pictures that were focused on a changing room curtain.
The first one was a picture of the cutie wearing very tight black pants with an obnoxious red studded belt, a matching collar and a tight black netting with belts and pads around his arms. He didn't look amused, if the folded back ears were anything to go by, and had a tube of eyeliner in his hand that he held out in clear distaste. It had the caption: He was almost perfect.
"Oh, get over yourself." Verosika swiped to the next one and snorted.
Bee's little bro had his back to the camera, gloved hands up displaying the Rock Horns, his head ducked down while he wore a Union Jack patched vest and patched jeans. Clearly he was making a gag out of the experience. The posting Hellhound was also amused: The Canadian tuxedo and variants thereof are not his friend.
Clearly, she wasn't looking at th–No, wait, there was a polka-dotted patch made of different colors on either cheek. That was too distracting from the form and fit. Dammit, she was right.
Next came the Foxfiend wearing a tight navy blue tee-shirt with 'Caution: Choking Hazard' written on it in faded yellow with an arrow pointing down, wearing a studded leather jacket that had a few pins in the left lapel – Verosika zoomed in on the picture to look at them: one was Bee's House Seal, a smiley face with blood on it, and a one with a spiral-shaped leaf; that last one was weird. Around his lower neck was a chain collar that was held together by a black lock with a crescent moon on it that rested tight against the fur there and wasn't immediately visible unless it was looked for. Covering his legs were washed jeans that were torn and frayed at the knee and held up by a sleek silver-buckled belt. The grinning good boy was folding up the sleeves to expose more forearm and consequently it enhanced the tight fit on his biceps. The caption with it was: Found a winner. Now I can take him out in public.
"Mm, yeah, the collar's weird, but...Yeah." Verosika nibbled her lip as she enjoyed the picture, her tail traced around her leg. The last photo actually pissed her off more than the entirety of the slideshow itself.
The cutie had his arm around the Hellhound and was wearing the last outfit as he draped himself over her shoulders and pressed his lips to hers. The close up selfie also showed a few dark studs – two apiece – had been put in his ears along the ridge while she had a new eyebrow piercing that wasn't there in previous pictures on her account. Its caption made her right eye twitch: I think I might actually love this doof.
She opened up the comments and sure enough at the top was the quasi-platonic cuddle monster she thought was still sleeping in the bedroom.
QueenBeeYotch says Fucking YES, Pretty Pup! You managed the impossible! Baby Bro looks delicious as a punk!
"Bee!" Verosika shouted. She stormed out of the bathroom to bitch out her finance and label owner.
"Yah?" The half-smiling Prince of Gluttony rolled over to face her, glanced down at her snatch, looked back up and arched an unimpressed eyebrow. And now she's a bitch for three reasons. "...Are you trying to Top me? I mean, it's cute – both the muff and the attempt – but that's not happening, bitch."
"Wh–No! This comment!" Verosika snarled and pointed at her phone. "Wanna explain what the fuck that's about?!"
"What? Pretty Pup is basically his keeper at this point. And I'm not wrong, Baby Bro's always been a snack and a brat, now he looks like a punk snack. A Pretty Pup Punk Snack!" Not at all the fucking point Verosika wanted to make. The Prince of Gluttony rolled onto her back and stretched her arms out. "Thanks for letting me crash here for the night, by the by. Super comfy and the head was choice. Sorry Tex bailed on the threesome, but he was kind of...mad after we got finished talking. Figured it was for the best to let him cool off."
"Yeah, I heard." She'd never thought she'd hear Tex yell at Bee. They were always super cute and sickening. Unless they were being flirty. Then it was just arousing. Verosika sat on the edge of the bed. "What was that all about anyway?"
"Oh, you know." Bee rolled a hand. "I wanted to have a threesome that he wasn't going to be invited to, and wanted to clear it with him."
Super weird that Tex was mad about that. The fact that Bee even talked to him about blatant sex-capades where he wasn't going to be involved was downright unheard of in Hell. Either you were committed or you cheated. There wasn't an in-between. She knew that better than anyone.
"So, he got pissed because you gave him a head's up?"
"Nah, it was who I wanted the threesome with. Like, he gave me the go-ahead, but he wasn't happy about it."
"Was it with your ex?" Verosika knew that Tex didn't like talking about it. Probably for the same reason she avoided talking about Morrigan.
"...No, but he'd probably be fine with a Devil's Threesome...The hard part would be convincing Cerb. Baby Bro said he didn't take the split well." Bee hummed. She fluttered up off the bed and landed in a walk towards the bathroom. "I gotta shower some shame away, can I use your shit?"
"Yeah, I guess so–Wait, who was the threesome with?" Verosika asked. Bee stopped and looked at her, a brow arched in confusion. Verosika rolled her eyes. "The one that made Tex pissed off?"
"Oh! Right, yeah, nah, I got the okay to fuck Baby Bro and Pretty Pup whenever." Verosika's jaw popped open as Bee ducked into the bathroom. A beat passed before Bee popped her head back out. "Hey, serious question: Is the water pressure here good for shower power 'gasms? I feel the need to clean between the folds and low pressure always leaves it a bit blech. ...You know what? On second thought, don't worry about it. I'll just lick it later."
"...I..." Verosika failed to form a coherent sentence before the door shut again. "...What?"
"You are a literal fucking child." Loona – now wearing her new pentagram halter-top to replace the one her boyfriend had ruined and new ripped shorts that fit rather well – snorted. Now that she got him – and herself – some decent casual wear that was stored in her pocket dimension, they had to get him something more formal. In the event his clients ever asked for it, his position as a royal House Demon required it, and/or just because she wanted to know what he'd look like in one.
Currently, she was watching her boyfriend get fitted for a suit inside the bougie Ontario Liverdenci store – she was seventy-five percent sure it was a knock-off store, but of what, she wasn't sure – and given her boyfriend was unable to sit still for five minutes, it was taking a bit longer than either of them would like. She leaned against the wall and kept an eye on the silhouettes on the other side of the fitting booth. Along with her phone that scrolled through the comments of her posts, she was holding the chain collar he'd picked out and rubbed her thumb along the lock's silver moon. There were a lot of other 'cooler' and more 'masculine' options, but he took the one with the crescent moon with the promise to elaborate on it once they were in private. Their venture in Greed couldn't end fast enough, the suspense was starting to get to her.
"Can't help it. I hate ties." Naruto growled as the elderly Imp that was measuring his neck wound a length of tape around it. His tail lashed about as the geriatric muttered something to himself. Her boyfriend snarled as his claws flexed. "Seriously, can't you just use the measurement I have for my collar?!"
"No. The fur is in way for an estimate and custom materials need details to fit well. Now hold still."
"Gack, that's too tight, motherfucker!"
She shook her head and looked back down at her phone when it shrieked. Oh, there's the phone call she expected almost six hours ago. With a roll of her eyes, she accepted the call at the third ring and held her phone up to her ear.
"What?"
"Loony, where the fuck are you?!"
"Out." Loona hummed as she twirled her boyfriend's collar around her finger. The splutter she got in turn made her smirk.
"Do not fuck with me on this–"
"I'm in Greed, Blitzø. Cool your tits."
"Wh–How did you–Why are y–?"
"If you're just going to spew nonsensical shit at me while I'm off the clock, I'm going to hang up."
"Are you with that–?"
"I am with my boyfriend, yes." She growled. She was so sure she got through to him with their last conversation about this. Looks like they were just going to keep fighting about this.
"...So, he took you all the way to Greed without my consent?!"
Oh, no he fucking didn't.
"Blitzø, I am a legal fucking adult. He doesn't need your consent – and even if he did, I'd still go with him willingly!" She snapped.
"Oh, is that right?! Well, uh, then you-you are...grounded! Yep! Yes! Grounded!"
"I'm grounded? Really?" She scoffed and turned to glance out at the mob of money bag-riddled demons that were shopping. "Alright, fine, I'll pretend to humor this shit. 'Oh, no. Grounded, what? Please no. ...For how long'?"
"For...Til college!"
"'For till college'?" She snorted. Was he being serious right now?
"For Til College!" Apparently, he was.
"Blitzø, in case you fucking forgot, I dropped out of college. Last year."
"...Well...Shit...Gimme a minute, I'll think of something."
"Take your time." Loona looked down at her nails. Maybe she could push for a trip to a salon next? A roar from the changing room had her turn to look back at the silhouettes and she sighed.
"Alright, that one was on fucking purpose! Come here, you sonovabitch!"
"Calm down, sir! I told you to hold still!"
"Blitzø, as amazing and enlightening as this conversation has been, I have to go deal with someone else's idiocy for once." She muttered into the phone.
"Was that him?! What's happening over there, is he gambling?! Loony, don't you dare hang up on me–!"
"Bye, Blitzø, I'll see you at the Harvest Moon Festival on Saturday. Maybe." She hung up and put her phone on 'do not disturb'. She walked back over to the fitting room and knocked on the door. "Babe? Everything alright?"
"It will be once I rip this stab-happy motherfucker's hands off!"
"It's called a fitting, sir! Sometimes that requires we pin clothes or extremities in place."
"You poked me in the base of my fucking tail three times! Once is circumstance, twice is happenstance, thrice is, er...Basically, it shouldn't have fucking happened! Now hold fucking still, you little gecko!"
Okay, well, she should stop him before he gets in trouble with someone. Sin-Class pass or not, she doubted Mammon would be lenient to him if half the stories she heard on the ride to the ring were anything to go by. Relative to Bee or not, heck from half the stories she's heard, he'd probably levy Naruto five times as hard just because of his relationship to Bee.
"Babe? I need you to c'mere real quick."
"Can it wait, I just need to–!"
"Naruto, I need a Boop." She half-lied. She didn't need one, but she was down to get one. Her boyfriend's growl wasn't – better not have been – aimed at her, but the handle to the changing room clicked and he stuck his head out.
"Only because of that–" She cupped his jaw and pushed her nose to his to cut him off. They held the Boop for a long minute. Her claws stroked up his chin and she took his lips with her own, which caused his rumble to start up. Her tail wagged even after she broke the kiss. Her claws dragged down his muzzle and she planted another kiss on the tip of his nose.
"You're being so good, Babe. So fucking good. Just hold out a bit longer, for me?" She cooed. He let out a hum of agreement and she gave him one more kiss. "Mm-wah. Go finish up so we can find somewhere to eat, alright? I didn't empty out the candy store's stock before we started shopping and I'm getting hungry."
"Mm-kay."
"Thank you, miss." The Imp within panted as he dropped down from the ceiling. He pulled Naruto back and waved a hand at her absently. "Now, please close the door. And you, sir, let's get that last stubborn measurement."
"Yeah, whatever." Loona huffed and went back to her wall. And phone. And stroking the chain collar in her hand.
It took another twenty minutes before her boyfriend was let out and told to come back in a couple of hours. Once he was fit to go back out, they walked out of the store, hand in hand to find somewhere to eat and kill time.
"Alright, and...yes! Perfect!" A green and silver-suited jester with four arms grinned as he positioned his likeness on a mock stage. In front of it were other figures that vaguely resembled his fellow sins, a few toy animals that might have once been based on real creatures, and a few LOOGEE figures he had found laying around not being used by his employees–No, wait, that implied he paid them decently. Slaves, yes...he preferred to think of them as slaves. "Today, we're starting the apocalypse...of the communist nations in the world! Haa! Haa! Mammon is amazing! Let's give him all of our money! Yeaaahhh!"
"Sir, we have a bit of a situation on the west side of–" A clownfish-like demon walked in while looking at a clipboard in their hand. They slowly looked up to meet the Sin of Greed's owlish gaze, then looked at the things on the desk in front of him.
A beat passed.
"DON'T JUST BARGE IN HERE!" Mammon shrieked as he covered his mock concert with his body!
"Sorry, sir. Didn't see a thing."
"So you didn't see anything unusual or weird?"
"No, sir. I didn't see you playing with your Silver-Age action figure again."
"Good!" Mammon nodded. "Knock next time, you don't know what kind of sick and twisted things I could be doing in here!"
"Right, sir."
"Now what did you need?"
"The Duke of Lzebub has been spotted in the Shopping District, he's already cleaned out Boomer's Bites & Bittles of their strudel and chocolate pretzel supply."
"Okay, did the payment go through?"
"Yes, sir."
"...Then...why would I care?"
"It's the Duke of Lzebub, sir."
Mammon blinked owlishly.
"The sibling of Queen Bee-Lzebub?"
Mammon picked at his ear with a finger. The demon sighed.
"...The, quote, 'little shitheel', end quote, that cheated in a 'battle of the bands' against you because he could, quote, 'create duplicates of himself without magic', end quote."
"Oh, him! Right, first we need to get – Oh, fuck, Fizzaroli's still out on his contracted break – the fuck did I agree to that for? Gotta get rid of it next time...Um, shit, okay!" Mammon stood up and clapped his hands together. "Keep an eye on him, I'll head over in, er, fifteen minutes."
"Very well, sir." The Clownfish nodded and ducked out. Mammon rubbed his hands together and smirked.
"Alright, brat, you got off lucky last time. But this time I'll get your likeness on contract...And that bitch sister of yours won't be able to stop me."
1 - That beat from "LIT ICECREAM TRUCK VINE" posted by 'kid Loco' (not the original owner of the video) that you can find on YouTube. And yes, Naruto dances just like the guy at the end of it.
AN: Alright, another decent - if short - chapter. Also, hey! Another Sin! ...Before his debut ep...Ain't that fun?! ...Steve, it's rhetorical, you don't answer the fucking questions.
Remember, kids, it's just fucking Fan-Fiction!