When I open my eyes, I'm back in my room, in my bed. Ryo is lying next to me. Was I hallucinating? It felt so real. I could feel the sand between my fingers. I know what I saw. I saw this boy, it was real. But I am here. I am at home. There is no way I could have been on Ryo's planet because I'm in my bed. Nothing has changed. My mind is driving me crazy. I must be losing it. My heart is beating extremely fast. I can feel it pounding relentlessly in my chest. Should I tell Ryo what happened?
But he will think I'm deranged. It's impossible what happened, but still deep down, I feel it has happened. It was real. It felt so real. But now, it's all gone. I look at my fingers. There is no sand on them, no blood. But I can see the scenes vividly, as if I had just lived them.
It's impossible! It just can't be true. Nothing can be true. Except my madness.
Breath, I tell myself. Breathe in, breathe out. I need to center myself again. You are safe. You are home. Everything is alright. Suddenly, a weakness overcomes me, so strong, I feel the energy being sucked out of me. Something is weakening my body. Is it Ryo? Is it his bond? My fingers are ice cold. I feel cold. So cold. I need to find a source of warmth quickly. With the last strength I can muster, I nudge him, taking his arm to hold me. He feels warm. His body heat makes me instantly feel better. My hands are finally gaining a human temperature again and while I still feel weak, I feel a bit better. He seems to be sleeping, and even if he is awake, I am in no mood to talk to him. I despise him so very much. But now, I just can't live without him. Physically, it's impossible. But even mentally, the connection is real. Fragile maybe, but there is no life I can imagine in which he isn't in it with me. I want to cry and I can feel the tears building up. "Don't let him see you are crying". I think to myself. But I am hurt because I want him in a way I can't have him. He only used me like a parasite uses its host, before slowly killing him. I know he is killing me because I feel weak, I have no energy. I'm tired, so constantly tired. What happened between us is like a long lost dream. He is there, but at the same time, he is so far away. Unreachable. When all I want is for him to save me. I want to be healed by his hands, loved by his words, touched by his warmth. Instead I am wrapped in the arms of some beautiful shell, which is empty inside, cold. Utterly unattainable.
Stop the self pity, Amanda! I summon myself. You're being ridiculous.
Maybe it's because I feel sick that I now feel so vulnerable. Maybe I just caught the flu. After all, it's still very cold outside and I'm prone to getting sick.
It's 9 am. Ryo tries to wake me up several times. I really am sick. My mother knocks on the door. I can hear her and Ryo speak.
"She looks sick." he tells her.
"Oh, well good you're there. You will take care of my Amanda for me, will you Ryo? I have to leave, I have an appointment.." she trails off, then leaves the room.
"Are you okay?" he asks. But I don't respond. I don't feel better at all. I want to go back to sleep, fall into a dreamless slumber. I'm scared of another one of those dreams. Don't fall asleep, I tell myself. Stay awake.
"How are you feeling?" He touches my forehead. "You have a fever!" He looks concerned.
"I'm very cold. Can you hold me please." I whisper, I can't muster much more because I feel so weak.
He looks at me for a while. I can feel his eyes burning on my back.
"You need to warm up." he lifts me off the bed, and walks me all over to the bathroom. Where he turns on the valve of the bathtub. He undresses me down to my underwear, which he leaves on and after checking the temperature of the water, he gently lifts me into the bath. The moment the warm water touches my skin, I instantly feel better. I can finally fully open my eyes, only to meet him, looking at me with concern.
I take a heavy breath.
"Thank you. I don't know what's going on. I feel so weak… I must have catched a cold or I don't know." I give him a weak smile, to thank him for taking care of me. Isn't that what I wanted? For him to care. But does he care because he likes me, or because he has to take care of me?
"I..There is no good way to say this. So I will just say it. You are dying Amanda and the only way to stop it is to leave this planet. We are going back to mine."He doesn't look at me when he breaks the shocking news to me. His long eyelashes hide his beautiful pupils, which I am so desperate to see.