Captain: I'm on a streak here of 'longest chapter yet!' for both this fic and Firewall X'D
I almost didn't post this, as I like to be a full chapter ahead in my writing and haven't yet finished the next one, but I figured three months was a long enough wait for y'all, especially considering I've barely been able to write a word since classes started. Grad school is...definitely a lot different than undergrad. And being a research assistant/facility manager...well it's less a 40-hr/week commitment and more of a 'we expect this to become your life for the next 2.5 years'. They're definitely keeping me busy, so while I wish I could say updates will continue at a reasonable pace...I can't promise anything. Not even in summer, since that's when all the field work really goes down (I am hopeful to have more 'down' time then though, if I have to be in the field every day during a Texas summer I will literally melt).
Also no, Texans are not okay with this cold snap right now. Literally nothing here is made with the cold in mind X'D
Swing by my profile and vote in the poll, especially if you're a Star Wars fan! ;)
As always, reviews are loved and appreciated! Thank y'all for reading!
"If you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you" ~Friedrich Nietzsche
Four tries.
It took four tries before Darcy could look at the file without seeing images flash behind her eyes. Things that happened, things that didn't, all of them terrible.
Another three before she got control of the wave of nausea that threatened to overtake her.
Two more before her eyes could settle enough to read more than a single line.
And twenty-seven minutes.
Twenty-seven minutes before the shaking and the sweating eased, before she could read a line and retain the information, before she could look at the images with the eyes of a detective and not a terrified woman. It felt impossible to be objective, to let go of the pain long enough to focus on those still possibly going through it. They could all be dead, as tortured and mangled as the victim in that first file had been. Maybe they were already doomed.
But maybe they weren't. Maybe some of them stood a chance if, like her, the cavalry came just in time.
The cavalry just needed to know where to go.
Maybe Prowl was right, maybe she could see something he didn't, however small the odds. Maybe, like the paintballs finding a crack in the armor, she just had to find that one thing that would point the way to their enemy and to the people who needed them.
It was easier then, to look at the files, at the faces of people missing or dead, to let the anger build with every case pulled from the box. They were ordered alphabetically, in true Prowl fashion. He was revealing none of the patterns he had seen himself, influencing none of her own theories as they began to build, collapse, and build again.
A knock on the door had her jerking upright, spine popping as it protested the poor posture she'd had leaning over the files. She was going to need a map, she thought idly, and colored pins. Too many files to remember all of the locations and to be able to visualize them properly. The one back home had been good, but she'd need even bigger this time.
The knock came again, more insistent and Darcy stiffly shuffled towards it, a sheepish tinge of regret that she'd let herself forget about it so quickly.
"Jazz?" she questioned the holoform on the other side, frowning at the five boxes stacked neatly next to her door. "Did you bring those?"
It would have been good for her to get them herself, but she was grateful.
He shrugged loosely, but she noted even Shemar Moore was looking stiffer than usual. What could be bothering him? "It was on my way."
Her gaze turned sharply up to his too blue eyes on hearing the accent toned down so much. This was not a business as usual house call.
"Well, thank you. Want to come in?" She stepped to the side to offer him room to pass, even as a part of her mourned the loss of solitude to work.
"Nah, came to retrieve ya for our scheduled coffee date." Even the grin he flashed her looked forced.
"I...I've got a lot of work to do…" Alien business was not her business. It was something totally unrelated to anything she had any right to know about. It wasn't like they were exactly friends. Friendly yes, but in a way to give her what information she needed to heal and get the hell out of here.
Jazz 'tsked' under his breath, sweeping out an arm to wrap around her shoulders and steer her firmly out the door. "Nuh uh, I ain't a ditchable date, Baby Girl. Besides, a break would be good for ya."
Once she'd questioned how much of holoform expression could be faked, but now, pressed against Jazz's fake side, she instead wondered if they perhaps had a harder time hiding their emotions in such a state. He was taunt as a drawn bowstring, the tension across his shoulders tight enough to snap. This was not a version of Jazz she had seen before and she wasn't sure what to do. So she let him guide her to the cafeteria in thick silence, collected her coffee, and obediently followed his lead. It didn't appear obvious that he had a specific destination in mind, yet the wandering was not quite aimless enough that he didn't have some idea of where he wanted to be.
At some point his real body rolled in behind them, but when exactly she couldn't say. He idled along in almost eerie silence compared to what she knew his engine usually sounded like. Hell, his whole frame appeared to sit lower, an impressive feat given how little clearance Porsche's had in general.
Up inclined switchbacking ramps he led her, not saying a word. Finally they reached the end, the last ramp opening up to an exposed rooftop. Where exactly they were in relation to the dam itself, she couldn't say. Despite a high vantage point, all she could see was rocks, blue water, and the exterior structure of the base. On the other side of the sparkling blue lake, a collection of cars and tourists.
For once not wanting it but having nothing better to do with herself, Darcy took a sip of her coffee, grimacing at finding it had already cooled considerably. The sun reaching out towards the horizon was warm, but not overly hot. It was the kind of sun that peaked out at the last moment after a cloudy cool day, a shot of warmth, of promises for tomorrow, of a splash of light and color before giving way to darkness. Darcy hadn't realized it was so late in the day. It'd been hard, keeping track of time while inside. The time on the clock meant little and less to her each day.
Still Jazz did not break the silence, his holoform leaning against the rail while his body sat just as quietly behind them, soaking in the sun and waiting for...something.
Something that was not apparently coming any time soon. Darcy didn't know what to say, if she should let the silence persist or if she should try to fill it like he had always done for her before. Yet the only thoughts bouncing around her head were the details of the cases she'd been going over. Not the best conversation topic for a somber mood.
"Jazz," she braved once the sun slipped beyond the horizon, the last light painting the clouds vibrant shades of pink and purple. "Are you alright?"
The holoform flashed a weak smile that didn't last. "'M a'ight, Baby Girl, don' go worrin' about meh."
Whatever it was, he didn't want to talk about it. It was none of her business. It could be an alien problem or a NEST problem or a personal issue with someone else, in any of those cases, it wasn't her business to know. She'd pushed for information she didn't have a right to before, it would be better to just leave it be. If he felt like telling her, he would in his own time.
He'd never pushed her, she shouldn't push him.
And yet...
Despite being a robotic alien, Darcy realized that she hadn't been as able to keep him at arm's length as she'd thought. She did consider Jazz a friend. Not just a friendly acquaintance or a source of intel when she needed it, she'd grown to care about him...well...as a person. It bothered her to see the usually happy-go-lucky Autobot so sullen. The urge to fix it ate at her, to make it better or at the least put a real smile on his face.
Despite all of her attempts to keep them carefully distanced, he'd weaseled his way into her heart anyway.
Setting the coffee on the thick banister, she turned to lean back, crossing her arms over her chest as her gaze rolled over the holoform and the Autobot himself.
"I won't press, but I'm here if you do want to talk about it. You're my friend, Jazz, so tell me not to worry all you want, it won't work." She gave him a soft smile as he blinked at her, surprise flashing over his face.
Pushing himself off the rail, he faced her, opening his arms and gesturing for her to come closer. She stepped into his embrace, wrapping her arms about his waist as he enclosed his around her. Such an amazing thing, she thought, pressing her cheek against his chest while he laid his on top of her head, that this fake body could feel so real. He was as warm as any person should be, his chest rising and falling with every breath, a strong pulse audible to the ear pressed against him.
It made her wonder if a species made of metal felt touch the same way humans did, if they were as reliant on it for their sanity. As Jazz just stood there holding her, taking long breaths, she could no longer tell who was offering comfort to who.
"Don' let Prowler push ya inta anythin ya not ready for," he rumbled softly.
"I won't," she promised, her gut telling her that this wasn't the heart of what was bothering him. How could it be? All she was doing was looking at the files. It was a consult, nothing more. Certainly no reason for the saboteur to be out of sorts.
After several long moments, Jazz pulled away with a wince, gesturing back towards himself. "'Ole Hatchet is hollerin' for meh, betta not put 'im off any longer. Need a lift?"
An offer she'd refused a dozen times before in favor of her own two legs, an offer for her to stretch her circle of trust.
"Sure." Which of them was more surprised she couldn't say, but the genuine smile he flashed her for it made it all worth it.
His driver side door popped open, inviting her into the warm, tan-leather interior.
"Uh uh, I've got to ensure you keep your speed at a sane level." Maybe she really did trust him or maybe some of that braziness that had gotten her into trouble in the past was finally starting to come back, whatever it was, she ignored his open door to perch herself on his hood.
Jazz huffed in amusement, his holoform shifting to join her. "Hatch' won' like the delay."
Nothing to his tone indicated it was truly a serious matter, so Darcy let herself roll with the lighter mood, satisfied that Jazz appeared more relaxed. "Ratchet can have you when I'm done with you."
He barked a laugh, tilting his head back as the Porsche under her rumbled along with it. "I dare ya to say tha' to 'im."
Darcy snorted, rolling her eyes. "No thanks, I choose life."
His rumbling laugh continued, the sound of his engine reaching its usual pitch.
Darcy shot a hand out against his hood as he started to roll forward. "Wait! My coffee."
Sliding off the hood, she stood to recover the abandoned beverage. Jazz paused, a light whirring coming behind her that usually went along with a transformation. Curious, she glanced over her shoulder, only to blink at the minigun poking out of his headlight. "Uh, Jazz?"
"Jus' wait a second." The little gun adjusted back and forth before firing a single shot, the projectile flying about as fast as if it had been fired from a slingshot. A screw? It struck the nearly full cup with a fair amount of force, sending it toppling over the edge.
Fruitlessly, Darcy dove forward, attempting and failing to catch it before it disappeared from view. "Jazz!"
Leaning over the edge sent her stomach straight into her throat. It was a fair ways down, but more importantly, directly below-far below-was a retracted opening to a part of the base she hadn't seen yet. There was no mis-identifying the hulking black mass that happened to be walking by.
The innocent little cup, still nearly full of cold coffee, struck and disintegrated directly over Ironhide's head, dumping its contents down the panels and no doubt straight into some sensitive circuits, if the roar that came from him was anything to go by. Rolling cannons and furious blue eyes reared skyward. With a squeak, Darcy jerked back, knowing it was probably too late to have gone unnoticed.
"What the hell, Jazz!" She slapped his grill as his entire frame shook with laughter he didn't try to conceal. "I'm actively trying not to make enemies here and definitely not get involved in any prank wars!"
He continued to laugh as she resumed her place on his hood, forcing a pout that twitching lips threatened to reveal was fake. "Heh, couldn' let Sides' get credit fo' bein' ya first."
She groaned, dropping her face into her hands. "He told you he was blackmailing me?"
The car tilted slightly under her and she got the odd impression it was a car version of a shrug. "Gotta get ya in the game somehow."
She glared back at the windshield, flicking the glass. "Why me?"
"'Cause it'll annoy Prowler the most."
Of course, getting her mixed up in a prank war was in and of itself a prank against Prowl. He was just going to love this.
"If Ironhide so much as looks in my direction, I'm throwing you under the bus immediately." Despite her full intention to do just that, Jazz continued to chuckle as he rolled down the ramp and back under the plain white lights of the base.
"I would expect nothin' less."
He dropped her as close to her room as the Porsche could get, leaving her with an order to not over work herself and a promise to be back for their regularly scheduled coffee date tomorrow. Despite the horror awaiting her in the boxes outside her door, she felt lighter and more able to face it all objectively.
So much so that she made it through all of three more files before walking right back out of her room, phone in hand as she followed the indicator to her intended target. A million jumbled thoughts raced through her mind until she found herself outside of the conference room door, hand raised as if to knock. She hesitated. No doubt there was an important reason Prowl was in there right now and he wasn't alone. Optimus Prime's signal registered right next to him. She chewed her lip, taking a step back. What she wanted was neither immediately crucial or important enough to interrupt a meeting that could be about stopping the Decepticons.
She could make due with what she had until the Autobot was unoccupied, heck, maybe there was even a storage area that had what she needed lying around.
Turning to head back to her room and the files, she startled as the door swung open behind her.
"Darcy?" Major Will Lennox looked surprised to see her there and there was not a little amount of relief that flashed over his face as he briefly looked her over. They hadn't really seen each other since the debrief, other than sporadic moments of catching a glimpse here and there.
"Major, how have you been?" She gave him the same cursory look over he'd just given her as he stepped fully through the doorway and closed it behind him, motioning for her to walk with him. She did as he bid, silently noting that he appeared to have recovered much faster. Of course, he held trust in every man and Autobot here, he'd known what he was getting into. As a soldier, he might have even seen such horrible things before.
No, the longer she looked, the more she saw the familiar haunted look reflecting back at her. He may not have had to adjust to the Autobots or have as many physical injuries to recover from, but he wasn't over what they'd been forced to witness. He simply knew how to handle it enough he didn't wander the halls in solitude.
"I should be asking the same of you. I'm sorry I didn't find you sooner, I should have." While he did look completely sincere in his regret for not coming to find her to help her 'settle in', she could not help but notice he neatly avoided the question himself.
Which in of itself was an answer to how well he was dealing with the emotional fallout.
About as well as her.
"I hardly expected you to seek me out, you've got a base to run and had to recover yourself."
"Still, I'm sorry I wasn't around to help you adjust. I know it can be…..jarring meeting the Autobots, especially with so many of them on base."
"Jarring is one way to put it," Maybe she really had wandered aimlessly and without paying attention to her surroundings more than she was aware of, but she was surprised to still be finding Autobots she'd hadn't met yet, though it felt like she was seeing some of them less often than before. "Are there not always so many?"
Lennox shook his head lightly, "We've got a main base where they can walk around topside, they can get a bit claustrophobic too, but most of them came straight here after Barricade took you."
"Took me?" She'd known it'd have had to been quite a force to lead an attack on the Decepticon base in the mountains, but she'd figured the Autobots had been around waiting for Prowl's call.
Lennox nodded, "We knew it'd only be a matter of time before we got a fix on their location, so they all came here to be ready to mobilize once your badge made it out from under the mountain."
He winced even as he said it, a shadow of pain rising behind his eyes. Darcy felt her own gut twist as her mind replayed the gunshots, the screams, the death it had taken to get that badge out of the tunnels.
"Prowl does like his trackers," she mused in a poor attempt to steer her thoughts away from the past.
"You have no idea," Lennox snorted, absentmindedly rubbing his hip before pausing, his head cocked. "Was there something you needed from him?"
Darcy shrugged, "I was hoping he would let me leave the base so I could get a few things for working on the cases he gave me."
Certainly nothing worth interrupting a meeting for.
Lennox came to a complete halt, turning to face her with confusion etched across his face. "Let you….have you not left the base since our rescue?"
"He's taken me out twice," she assured the moment she recognized the look of guilt crossing the older man's face. It wasn't his fault that he didn't know, he had a base to run and she was just one person, not even a member of NEST.
The Major rolled his head back, releasing a heaving sigh before motioning her to follow in a different direction. "They mean well, they really do, but not all of the Autobots understand human need for open air."
"Where are we going?" She only knew of one location in this direction but could think of no reason for that Autobot's involvement.
"Ratchet." Her steps stuttered. Despite the medic's strict adherence to the oath of 'first do no harm', his bedside manner still scared the piss out of her. For the most part she'd been able to avoid him, what with Prowl taking over her regular scans that had thankfully been reducing in frequency.
"Uh, why?" She hoped her nervousness didn't show too much, though she was fairly certain Lennox caught it anyway.
"Medical clearance. Once he gives you the okay to leave base on your own, only a direct order from myself or Prime can negate it." Well, both Prowl and Jazz had failed to mention that.
"What about the Decepticons?" They were the biggest concern of course, going out on her own would leave her vulnerable, exposed.
He grimaced lightly, "I won't lie to you, they're a threat and they're around where you least expect them, but we can at least minimize the risk with our altered civilian cars."
The image of her totaled SUV and Crown Vic flashed behind her eyes, drawing a rueful chuckle. "I don't have the best track record with keeping cars in one piece."
The Major snorted a laugh, flashing her an amused grin. "Neither do I, but sometimes even I need my space from Ironhide, especially when he smells like old coffee."
"That was all Jazz, I swear." No way in hell was she about to take credit for that.
Lennox barked an easy laugh, "Oh he knows, but to be on the safe side, you might want to skip your coffee date tomorrow."
He shot her a wink that clearly indicated Ironhide was not one who served his revenge cold and she immediately started thinking of excuses Jazz might actually take for her to back out of their 'date'.
As the door to the medbay came into view, her thoughts turned back towards the one who'd more or less been in charge of her outdoor escapades. "What about Prowl though? He's been the most against my leaving the base alone."
"If Prowl wants a say then he must claim Guardianship. Since he has not, the only authority you should concern yourself with is mine," Ratchet rumbled as they crossed the threshold into his medbay. The Autobot medic looked up from the scrap of metal he'd been hunched over, idly tossing a sheet over it. The action immediately drew Darcy's eyes to it and sparked her curiosity.
"Should I be concerned he might?" She stayed resolutely at Lennox's side, scratching the scabbed remains of Knock Out's touch as Ratchet's scanner rolled over her skin.
The medic looked at her carefully before offering only a half-hearted shrug, his attention on the read-outs on his arm. "Unclear. For being a logic-controlled 'bot, even I can't always predict what he'll do. How has your rest been, Ms. Blake?"
Shifting her weight, she eyed Lennox in her peripheral, but he appeared to be studiously not paying attention, focusing on whatever was on the tablet in his hand. "Improving."
Not a lie, she was actually happy to admit. The nightmares certainly hadn't disappeared, but sometimes...sometimes they ended with a rescue at the last second and once she'd even had a dream that was completely harmless; just Prowl as his holoform, making comments about her empty cupboards while rocking yellow and red hair.
Ratchet grumbled over his readouts for several minutes before finally giving a single stiff nod. "I declare you fit and no longer requiring regular scans and check-ins. Now get out of my medbay."
Not willing to tempt the irate Autobot, Darcy swiftly turned on her heel, much, she noted, to the amusement of Lennox.
"What?" she asked once they were out of the medic's immediate earshot.
The soldier shook his head with a light chuckle, "I don't get you sometimes. Ratchet scares everyone but you've got no problem decking probably the scariest mech here."
She raised a brow, snorting. "Prowl is not scary. A little intimidating? Yes, but not scary."
"There are many who would disagree with you." Lennox declared evenly, his tone indicating that 'many' really meant 'most everyone who knew him'.
"Are you one of those?"
"Yes I am one of the sane ones."
"Says the guy who's buddies with the weapons specialist." Really, Ironhide was leagues more intimidating than Prowl. The tactician could be irritatingly obnoxious with his logic, but the black mech packed damn cannons around.
"Touche." he mused with a chuckle before falling silent, offering nothing about where he was taking her.
"Not that I'm not loving the human interaction, but where are we going?"
"Like I said, if you're going to leave the base, you're going to need a ride that isn't sentient."
"I really do appreciate this, don't get me wrong, but...why are you doing this?"
Lennox paused and for a moment the exhaustion of charge flashed across his face, the weariness of battle, the strain of the world bearing down on shoulders already overburdened. "Because you're a civilian. You didn't sign up for this and yet we're asking you to deal with it anyway. The least we can do is help you transition back to that life."
She cocked her head. "Prowl told you he got me to stay a month, didn't he?"
The soldier pursed his lips and she knew there was more to it than just that. "It's been brought up in our meetings."
"So has something else."
"You're too sharp for your own good, you know that?"
"And you're avoiding."
"Trying to. I promise it's nothing for you to worry about. Ah here we go." Signing into a computer tucked against the corner of the hanger that housed a fair number of NEST and civilian cars, the soldier typed away for a few minutes while Darcy distracted herself from contemplating just what else was brought up in those meetings by looking at the cars. Some of them were nice, really nice.
"Dare I ask why a military organization has need of a Lamborghini?" With the flashy red paint job that just screamed 'look at me!', she couldn't deny it was a beautiful looking car. One that would give her insurance company a heart attack if she so much as laid a single finger on it.
Lennox snorted. "The Autobots can't just pick a car at random for their alt mode, they have to have the real deal to scan. Most of them took the first thing they came across when they landed and are starting to request upgrades to models they like better."
"You mean they can just….change what they change into?" Now how in the hell was she supposed to be able to tell them apart from a real car once she got out of here?! Looking for a car model she knew would be pointless if they could just change it on a whim!
"They can, but they don't do it too often. I think most of them get attached. They're more likely to upgrade to the newest year of the same model than to completely change cars."
"So who picked the lambo?"
"Sideswipe. He's been complaining his brother has the better alt mode since they reunited last year." His smile flashed mischievous. "He doesn't know it's here yet. Part of Prowl's punishment for the prank was putting off his upgrade for a week."
Darcy blinked once before laughing, giving a light shake of her head. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say Prowl has a twisted sense of humor."
"More like a twisted sense of justice, but I suppose that's semantics. Ah-ha, here we go. It's not a lambo, but it'll give you a bit more security while also being inconspicuous." He handed her a set of car keys, leading the way further into the hanger and towards a small collection of ordinary cars. Hitting the lock on the fob, the lights on a dark grey Buick Rainier flashed back at her. The car was at least six years old, the windows adorn with a couple of random stickers. She wasn't clean, she wasn't new, she was utterly ordinary. "You'll be able to use this whenever while you're here. There's a chip in the hood that alerts the bay doors to open for you and a panic button on the steering wheel that'll send out a distress signal to the base and any nearby Autobots."
Knocking her knuckles on the hood, she found the material was harder than it looked. Reinforced to take a hit. It might not stand up to a full on Decepticon attack, but it might just hold up for the minutes that counted.
Certainly wouldn't have to worry about any fender benders.
"I'm assuming the Autobots can track it at any time?" It wasn't a total escape to freedom, but in this case, that was the sacrifice to gain a modicum of safety.
"They're lojacked if you're thinking of making a run for it." He stated dryly, a note of jest to his tone. "But a lot of the soldiers use them for personal trips on their off hours so we don't generally keep tabs on where you go with them."
"Thank you, Major, really."
"Just remember this appreciation when you're signing twenty-seven secrecy contracts." He grinned ruefully, chuckling at her shocked look.
"Twenty-seven?"
"Blame the politicians in charge of all this. Technically those are all supposed to be signed before you even step foot into public again, but we can take care of the paperwork in the morning. It's a nice night and I need some shut eye." He winked, turning on his heel and striding leisurely out of the hangar.
Darcy looked down at the keys in her hand, then the innocent SUV sitting quietly next to her. She'd left her room looking for a map and colored pins, she had cases and cases of files to work through, needed to get through.
The car turned over smoothly, the interior the exact temperature as the outside air. Not living, this car was just a car.
The detective didn't know what time it was and she didn't bother checking the clock on the radio. No voice came from the dash, only the soft croon of a country singer. She let it play as the hangar doors opened smoothly for her, beckoning her into the night. She didn't know where she was going, but the moment the tires hit the highway, she had an idea. Stars danced overhead, the clouds that had covered much of the sky at sunset having moved on. The moon was barely a sliver, a thin strip of light in a dark sky. Following the signs, she soon found herself at the same salt flats she'd once dashed across with Prowl. She did not go far this time, just far enough not to be seen from the road. Turning the key killed the engine completely, sending her into complete blindness as the headlights shut off. Her eyes failed to pick up even the hand in front of her face.
It was an eerie feeling, stepping out of the car and a chill she hadn't expected zapped her bones. Should have grabbed a jacket.
Closing her eyes, she felt her way around the front and leaned against the hood. Deep breaths, one, two, three, she held still until she became aware of her heartbeat and then until it slowed to a steady rhythm.
Then she opened her eyes.
The Milky Way stole her breath, putting on a display unlike any she'd ever seen before. Billions of stars danced across a backdrop that was too well-covered to really be called black. The sliver of moonlight was hardly worth noting, a drip on the painter's canvas of a masterpiece. Stars and galaxies hung like diamonds and the longer she looked, the more she saw. Sometimes the north had clear nights, sometimes even the arm of their own galaxy was visible, but the north was dotted with mountains and rugged forests that though beautiful, took over much of the visible sky. Not here, not on the salt flats. Here there was nothing to obstruct the night sky in any direction and the heavens did not squander the extra space. If she didn't look down at the empty blackness of the ground, she might even believe she was alone in the universe, surrounded by nothing but stars.
Which of those stars held a dead planet within its gravitational grasp? Where in the galaxy did home lie for Prowl and the others?
And how many of those other stars flashing overhead hosted planets with life? The veil had been lifted, they were no longer alone in the universe, the odds of humans and Cybertronians being the only advanced life now seemed like a ludicrous idea. How many others were out there? How many were metal-based? Organic? Hell, there could be sentient rocks out there for all she knew.
A painted sky and a universe of possibilities. It all made her feel so infinitesimally small and unimportant. What were her problems, her accomplishments, her lifespan, to the great expanse of space? Hardly a blip, a flare of only a few moments and gone again.
Somehow...somehow that feeling was comforting. Like the weight of the world had just been lifted from her shoulders. She didn't matter, what she did or did not do, in the end, mattered nothing to the galaxy
It mattered only to the people living right now and that was all that was important.
Headlights flashed behind her, dimming even as the growl of a powerful engine came nearier. The sound was just a little different from the other's, a little rougher than that of the sports cars, a little softer than the massive trucks, a fine middle ground.
His headlights went out completely as Prowl pulled up next to her, the hiss of hydraulics the only sign he'd engaged his transformation sequence. She saw him only by the part of the sky his massive frame blocked, his blue eyes leaving her to follow her gaze to the heavens.
"I was...concerned when you left the base so late and I wondered if I had not pushed you too far by requesting you assistance with the cases," he finally explained after long moments looking at the sky, he kept his gaze upward, the glow from his optics nearly drowned out by the stars dancing behind him.
"No," Darcy answered softly, her mind refusing to release the peaceful trance it had finally found. "I didn't plan to come out here, I just...ended up here. I've never seen stars like this."
Maybe he nodded, she thought she heard him move at least, though she couldn't see it. "It is….a view unlike any on Cybertron."
She glanced at where she knew he was. So far Jazz had been the only one really willing to talk about home, and even then he'd gone over it briefly. He covered events more than he did the place itself.
Little wonder, the planet was dead. Home was lost to them, forever.
"Really?" she asked quietly. He didn't have to go into it if he didn't want to, but the option was there.
Warm air rolled over her face as he vented softly. "The planet was the source of our energon stores, our fuel for us, for everything. It ran through the planet, sometimes so thickly in places that they always looked like daylight. Between the energon and the moons, very few places were dark enough to see outside of our own system."
"Do you ever miss it?" Of course he did, but he never talked about it. Maybe it hurt too much to do so, maybe his memory was soured by the war and destruction. When he thought about it, did he see it as it was when he left it, or at its best?
"Often, always, no." Well if that wasn't the most confused answer she'd ever heard. "Cybertron was...there is no other place like it in the universe. My first memories are of the brilliantly lit cities, the lively streets. Our very buildings could move and shift to suit our needs when we had the energon to spare for it. But much like your world, peace is only peaceful on the surface. The war simply brought what was always happening out into the open, where no one could ignore it. There was much wrong with our planet, much that should have changed and some that never should have been, but it was and we paid the price for our arrogance."
He glanced down at her, those cerulean blues brighter than ever. "I miss Cybertron for everything it could have been, I miss it for the familiarity of home it will always have, but I do not miss the illusion the war shattered, I will never miss it. Earth is our home now, for as long as we are allowed. It is such a...unique planet. Your landscapes, your night skies, even some of your weather is like nothing any of us have seen before."
His head cocked to one side, turning back to the stars. "I will always remember the good of Cybertron fondly, but those memories will not sour my mood. Someday, perhaps, we will find a way to revive our planet, but I do not believe we should until we have ended this war and the reasons for its existence."
"Is there a way? To bring it back, I mean." Jazz had made it sound like that was one dead that was dead for good.
"I believe there is, but I do not put my hopes of the future into it. Something ties our two planets together and I endeavor to discover why they are so tightly bound."
"You might be searching for that answer for a long time."
"I am counting on it." He collapsed back into the Charger, slowly rolling backwards. "As a warning to be cautious would be unnecessary, I bid you goodnight. Be sure to get your rest, Detective."
The night reigned just a little quieter and colder after he was gone. Darcy looked at the stars again and wondered if she could ever stand to live on a planet other than Earth. If it had been destroyed, ruined beyond the point of saving, could she find purpose and peace somewhere else in the galaxy? Living at the total mercy of the host species?
She had to give silent props to Prowl and the rest of the Autobots, she didn't think she could do it and have the same positive attitude most of them tried to hold onto.
A chill swept down her exposed arms, eliciting a shiver; time to head back. Dragging one last look at the stars, Darcy marveled at just how large the universe really was and how little she had appreciated the fact before.
The base was quiet when she made it back and she found it easier to pile the files to the side and let herself sleep. Tomorrow she would be back at it with full dedication and limit her distractions.
It was not a routine she was allowed to develop, as only two days later, a cluster of soldiers cornered her in the cafeteria, inviting her to join them on a night on the town. Darcy couldn't say she knew any of them more than in passing, but it would be the chance to be with people away from the base. Acting on a whim, she accepted.
Now she was wondering if it was the smartest decision after all.
Socializing had never been a strong point in Darcy's character. She made a few close bonds to those she saw every day and that was about it. Oh she could interact with the public easily enough, but that was always on a professional basis, during one of the worst days of their lives. This was something entirely different. This was lively and cheerful and around civilians completely ignorant of secret wars, aliens, or bad news; of pretending they were those people themselves.
Darcy didn't know how to interact with them, so she didn't. Even as the soldiers that invited her along abandoned drinks for the dance floor, she tucked herself into a corner with a strong drink and just watched. The lightheartedness was infectious and she found herself laughing along as one of the men-upon being turned down by a pretty blonde at the bar-took up the hand of his friend, twirling the other man with as much gusto as he might have the woman.
Despite not taking part in the dancing, Darcy felt her spirits lift considerably, felt her mind clear. This was why she did what she did, to protect this.
It did her good to remember that, to be reminded.
She'd have to come back again.
So she did. Every few nights she took the covert SUV out to a bar to see that innocence and carefreeness again.
Ratchet hated alcohol, well, not really, he hated that some of the humans didn't seem to know their limit, or imbibed just a little too often. If anyone came back smelling just a bit too strong or for the third time that week, they gained a rather unfavorable scowl from the medic. Oh he didn't say anything unless it was truly out of hand, but everyone swore he walked just a little louder whenever someone was visibly suffering from a hangover.
Darcy made certain to never have enough to have to worry about that; there wasn't a need for a drink, afterall, but it was a nice way to unwind after a day of staring at death and mutilation. It eased her mind to watch the carefree inhabitants dance and flirt and otherwise act like life was as normal as it had always been. More than once she brought a case or two along with her, to look over the details while enjoying a drink. The bartenders always shot her wary looks when she did it and she shifted to only bringing pages that had her notes scratched onto them. No pictures, no emblems, it looked as likely to be editing a paper as police work.
Oh she took precautions, varied the places she went, the times she left. There was no way to stop the need to check her rearview every few minutes, to sit with her back to a corner and keep an eye on those who came in.
She would not be caught unaware, but the time away from base was doing wonders for her state of mind.
Time passed more quickly this way, rhythm falling easily into place with the work. Get up, do a strength training circuit in the makeshift gym, shower, get breakfast and coffee, and dive into the cases. Jazz would steal her away around lunch, though sometimes another tagged along with them. Then it was back to the cases, fix something quick and edible for dinner, sometimes with the company of Prowl, afterwards she would compile the notes of the day, and then head out to a bar for a drink and to go over said notes.
It was hard to believe her month was almost up.
Hard to believe she was almost free to go home.
Hard to believe she'd figured out nothing of the Decepticons plans or whereabouts.
She growled over her notes, gaining a look from the bartender, who refilled her drink without a word. It just didn't make any sense.
A man sat next to her, she didn't bother to look up at him. They generally got the hint when she was sucked into her notes, so she ignored him, tapping her pen against her lip as she scowled at the pages in front of her.
There was definitely some significance to the locations where people were disappearing, but they couldn't count on that being definitive of a base or dumping ground being there. After the Cascade base was destroyed, they could be taking precautions, giving them false leads, or maybe they really were that spread out. Maybe the Decepticon army really was that much bigger than the Autobot.
"You can't let it go, can you? Even when you know there's only one ending for you." The man stated plainly, releasing a dark chuckle. Ice shot directly to her core, freezing her into complete stillness. She knew that voice, she knew that laugh that promised so much pain. Squeezing her eyes shut, she opened them slowly, hoping he would disappear. He didn't.
Raising her head, she met the eyes of Barricade's holoform.
Of course the psychopath would use Jim Gordon. His thing was betrayals. The safer one felt around him, the more enjoyment he got out of revealing himself for what he was.
Heart hammering in her ears, Darcy dared to meet those dark red eyes and hold, even as her hands shook and a cold sweat broke out over her entire body.
Keep him occupied, she told herself, she just had to distract him long enough to reach the phone in her pocket, to hit the panic button on the homescreen that would open a direct comm channel to all nearby Autobots. Keep him thinking about something else, but don't piss him off enough to come storming into the bar in his real form, don't provoke an attack. She had no delusions that he wouldn't. He would level this entire block if he caught the fancy for it.
"There's only ever one ending for all of us, just a matter of when and how." Her voice betray her terror. Mirth flooded his eyes. She hated him, hated him with every fiber of her being. She let it flood her, let it take control and steady her tongue. "If I can help people before my end, all the better."
"Why? Your lifespan is a blink, so is theirs. It means nothing, so why do it?" He cocked his head as if genuinely curious. A ruse, a trick to get her to let down her guard. Her hand eased ever closer to the phone.
"Because it's the right thing to do."
He shook his head before she'd even finished, tutting her. "Not good enough. Who the frag cares what the right thing to do is? Who decides what is right? What's right for me you'd say was bad for you."
He flashed her a grin of promised malice and she found it hard to draw in a steady breath.
Swallowing thickly, her fingers scraped the shell of her jacket, feeling the outline of the phone. So close, just a little longer and then help would be on the way.
The bartender pointedly did not return or look over to their side of the bar and she cursed Barricade's holoform for wearing a patrol uniform.
"If it leaves something or someone better than you found it, that's what decides what is right," she forced out, heart pounding harder as the cool metal of the edge of the phone brushed her finger.
Barricade's hand lashed out, snatching her hand in a painful grip and slamming it against the bar. Fiercely biting her lip to keep from crying out, a pitiful sound escaped her as his grip ground the bones together. "Now now, my dear fleshbag, we're having such a nice chat, let's not ruin it with uninvited guests."
His free hand reached over to her pocket, plucking the phone and holding it up with a grimace, as if he could smell the Autobots on it.
He dropped the phone into her drink and succeeded in killing it and any hope she had of getting out of this confrontation.
Her eyes burned, her lip stung, leaking a coppery taste onto her tongue.
"If you're going to kill me, just do it, just...don't hurt any of these people. They're innocent, please." She didn't want to die, she wanted very much to live a long life and die of old age surrounded by friends while watching the sun set over snow-capped mountains. Not now, not here in a dingy bar surrounded by strangers and her enemy. But she knew that in this, she had no say. The Decepticon held all the cards here, all the power.
Barricade chuckled, a terrible sound that had haunted so many of her nightmares but was so much worse in reality. "No such thing as innocent in war, fleshbag, and the next time you beg me to spare anyone, I'll butcher all of them, just for you."
His grip crushed her hand for a moment longer before he finally released her, amusement plainly dancing across his fake face. "But I'm not going to kill you, not yet. I already told you, I've got special plans for you and your Guardian. Say hello to him for me, will you?"
Making a show of standing, Barricade leveled her with one last wicked smile. "And that leaves me better than I found it."
Striding out of the bar, it didn't matter if the laugh was aloud or only in her head, it haunted her just the same.
Darcy didn't, couldn't, move for several minutes after Barricade's departure. She didn't trust it, didn't trust that he was there only to mentally torment her. There had to be something else, a trap set for the Autobots, or maybe setting a tracker on her car.
Sucking in a desperate breath, she forced her panicked mind to think. If he wanted the Autobots to come to fall into a trap, he would have let her hit the panic call, he wouldn't have ruined the phone. If he'd wanted to put a tracker on her car, he would have done it and left without alerting her to the fact that he'd ever been there.
Barricade had never come across as one who thought about sabotage or elaborate planning. His sole goal, his sole enjoyment, was mental torture, causing the most fear possible.
And that was exactly what this was.
She'd started to relax, to let down her guard. She was adjusting to the burden of the memories and with living with robotic aliens. She finally reached a point where she could look at an Autobot and not immediately wonder if they'd even notice if they stepped on her. She'd finally started to be kind of okay and he could not abide it.
Which made her wonder if he somehow knew, if he'd been watching her, if he knew where the Autobot base was.
Fear was what he was after and it was what he so effortlessly achieved.
Above all else, she had to keep a clear head. If they knew where the base was already, then rushing off to it to warn them wouldn't really help, the attack would most likely already be on. And if they didn't know? Then rushing off would lead them right to the front door.
So she forced herself to sit stock still and breathe, in and out, in and out, until her thoughts and heart slowed. Pulling her soaked phone from her drink, she grimaced as she wiped off what she could on the little napkin.
"He looked like bad news." The bartender finally dared approach with a replacement for the drink half splashed on his counter.
"More than you can imagine, thanks." She greedily took a long pull from the drink, feeling the whiskey burn its way down her throat.
Clearly not wanting to get involved in whatever was between a random woman and a dangerous looking cop, the bartender only nodded and made his way back to two others at the end of the bar.
Darcy stayed long enough to finish her drink and then a few minutes longer, just in case.
Barricade did not come back in, nor was his Mustang form anywhere in the parking lot when she finally braved stepping outside.
Even so, she gave every car out there a heavy scrutiny, looking for any sign or sigils that would indicate one wasn't dead metal. None did and the grey SUV that was her borrowed ride proved cold to the touch. No sign of the Decepticon anywhere. Darcy took the long way back to the dam, doubling back, U-turning, and even pulling off and sitting for several minutes. Her hands shook the entire time, her heart threatened to bruise her ribs. She saw headlights where there were none, car shapes in the shadows that had her gasping for air.
The lights of the dam were a beacon in the night, chasing away the ghosts that were never there.
No one was in the hangar, no one was ever in the hangar this late, but it felt wrong this time. So wrong. Where were the Autobots? Where were the soldiers?
No one knew anything was amiss and she had no way to find any of them.
Breathe.
Other than bruising the hell out of her hand, Barricade hadn't hurt her or anyone else.
Breathe.
No one had followed her back to the base, there was no immediate threat.
Breathe.
She was safe here. Barricade wanted fear, she needed to deny him that.
If only her body could listen to reason. If only she could stop trembling. If only she could get in air.
Keep moving, she needed to keep moving, to find someone, anyone. If she stopped she might not be able to start again.
She stumbled down the halls, reigning herself in from running only from fear that her legs would not be steady enough.
Where was everyone!?
Get a damn hold of yourself!
"Darlin'?" She whirled with an audible intake, nearly crashing into a corner.
"Darcy?" Sideswipe stiffened sharply, left hand disappearing in a flash to be replaced by a monstrous silver sword as his attention diverted to the hall she'd just come down. "Is he here?"
Darcy pressed her back against the cold, solid wall, fighting against the lump that appeared in her throat. "No, he...he found me in town."
It didn't matter how or if he knew which he she was referring to, she didn't care. All that mattered was that he was silver and Sideways was silver and Ravage was silver and screams and mad laughter echoed in her ears.
"Ratchet. Here. Now." She heard him growl. No, no that was wrong. Ratchet couldn't help. Ratchet was a medic. The other medic, he brought insides to the outside, he coated claws and walls the color of his paint job.
Keep breathing, keep moving.
"Woah, hold up, you better hang here for a click." A massive silver hand dropped to cut off her escape. Trapped, caged, tires squealed somewhere behind the blockade.
"Sideswipe, back off," Prowl's voice snapped with clear authority, cascading over the wailing of her racing heart. The silver alien obeyed before he was even aware he was doing it. Darcy's eyes found the red chevron, the one splash of color on a black-and-white frame.
Safe.
Cradling her hand against her chest, she frowned as he froze stock still, blue optics shooting to Sideswipe as he released a series of sounds that could only be likened to an old computer. The silver frontliner responded in kind, sweeping his sword towards the hangar. Prowl nodded once and the faux corvette dropped into his alt mode and sped off. Barely seconds later, a yellow Lamborghini followed his path at breakneck speed.
"Prowl, I…" He held up a hand to forestall her explanation, turning as if listening for something down the hall. His bright blue optics dimmed for a moment before he twisted back to her, leaned down, and laid out an open hand next to her.
Darcy blinked down at it, unmoving. She knew what the gesture meant, she'd seen it a handful of times during her wanderings of the base. It was how the Autobots offered to give someone a lift not as a car.
The last time she'd been in the palm of an alien, Breakdown had been holding her for the red medic.
And yet, the faster they got to wherever they were going, the more likely they might catch Barricade before he disappeared.
Could she trust him? Did she trust him?
It should have been startling to realize the answer was an unwavering yes, but it felt right.
Sucking in a breath, she climbed into his waiting palm, her hands finding his thumb as he curled it over her and lifted her from the floor. She promptly left her stomach down there, grimacing at discovering just how bloody tall he was.
His stride, strong and steady, ate up ground faster than she could ever hope to cover on foot. In what felt like only seconds, he walked them through the massive hangar door that served as the Autobot entrance to the conference room. She'd certainly never seen it from this side before. The human portions were….tiny. The tired shape of Major Lennox looked severely out of place next to the towering form of Optimus Prime. Even Ironhide's black bulk failed to look intimidating next to such a figure.
Ironhide's cannons rolled to life as soon as Prowl reached them. The tactician ignored him in favor of placing his hand over the rail and allowing Darcy to unsteadily step off onto the human platform next to the soldier.
"Why in the pit does she reek of 'Con?" Ironhide growled, though his accusing stare was leveled on the black-and-white rather than her.
Darcy ducked her head to take a soft whiff of herself. She didn't smell that bad. A little stale beer and old peanuts like every bar, but nothing she could identify as Decepticon, or even alien, for that matter.
Lennox nudged her while the Autobots conversed in their own language, forced amusement on his face as he quietly explained just what his guardian had meant. "It's not an actual smell, they all leave behind a coding that's unique to each one of them, like a fingerprint, except they can read it almost immediately."
Ah, that made sense, in a weird way.
Oh.
Oh.
No wonder Barricade-all of the Decepticons- had thought she meant something to Prowl. She'd spent enough time around him before knowing what he really was that his coding must have gotten on her.
And now that thought was in her head and she really wished it wasn't.
A light vibration passed through the floor. Lennox shifted next to her, aligning himself to better see the Autobot entry without looking away from the assembled mechs before them.
"I would like to know that myself," Prowl rumbled, turning away from his commander to fix his steely gaze on her.
"If you would, Ms. Blake, explain the nature of your confrontation with Barricade." Optimus' voice rolled straight through her to her bones. Darcy couldn't understand how anyone or anything could stand on a battlefield facing against such a being. The Prime just...commanded respect by his very presence.
Ratchet thundered into the conference room before she could start to answer, his infernal scanner reaching out to roll over her skin before he'd even completely cleared the doorway. "Perhaps you can explain why after such a confrontation she was brought here instead of my medbay."
"If Barricade has revealed himself, our window of opportunity is limited. As I observed no outward injuries, I determined the need for information outweighed the need for medical assistance," Prowl responded cooly.
For a moment, Darcy swore the medic was about to throw something other than obscenities, but whatever his uninvited scan indicated was enough to placate him into giving an annoyed gesture for her to continue.
"It was just his holoform," Darcy started, rubbing the hand said holoform had squeezed. It was definitely going to be bruised by morning. "I never actually saw...him. I didn't even know it was him until he said something and then it was….he just wanted to threaten me, I think. Remind me about the plans he has for me and my..uh..guardian."
Her eyes flashed from Optimus to Prowl, gauging their reactions. Ironhide was predictable, he rumbled and shifted his weight and rolled his cannons for want of something to shoot. But the commanders were something else. She didn't have enough experience with Optimus to know what to expect or to even be able to read his expression clearly. Prowl though, Prowl was tense, his door wings held rigidly while he bore a scowl not truly meant for any of them. No doubt his mind was running through all the scenarios of what Barricade's purpose had been.
"He wrecked the phone Jazz gave me when I tried to go for it, said to tell you hi for him, and then just….left. I didn't see him anywhere when I left the bar or on the way back." It would have been easy, probably, to tail her without her knowing. They didn't actually need their headlights to drive at night. At least, if she'd understood Jazz's brief lesson on how their sensors worked while in vehicle mode right, then they didn't. But she didn't think he had, otherwise he'd be facing the twins.
She viciously hoped he had followed her and was now getting everything he'd once promised her done to him.
Optimus paused, his eyes flashing before he tipped his head at her. "You did not come straight back to the base after the incident."
A statement, no doubt gleaned from accessing the car's lojack system, but a question as to why was tucked in there.
Darcy wrapped an arm around herself, wondering if they thought she should have come straight back. "I wanted to give him time to leave first and...maybe to get bored and leave if he tried waiting around outside for me. When I didn't see him, I didn't trust that he hadn't maybe changed his alt mode to something I wouldn't recognize, that he wasn't waiting to follow me. So I took detours and wrong turns and backtracked, trying to make sure I wasn't followed when I eventually made it back."
She had no idea what the expression that flashed over his face meant, but Prowl pinched his brow in what she knew was the look he took on whenever the logic of someone's actions weren't processing. "Yet doing so put you at considerable risk for attack or recapture. You even stopped completely, multiple times."
That….was probably true and she hadn't thought of that while out on the road, not really. Sure he could have gotten bored enough to capture her and threaten her to tell him where it was, or attempt to make her try to run.
Lifting one shoulder in a single shrug, she knew there really wasn't anything else to say.
"I had to make sure he didn't find the base."
Prowl blinked despite the action being totally unnecessary.
Lennox leaned back in his seat, arms cross over his chest as he regarded her. "Why didn't you hit the panic button on the back of the steering wheel?"
It was Darcy's turn to blink at him, heat rising to her cheeks as she sheepishly shrugged. "I forgot it was there?"
Prowl did not look amused in the least, but the soldier and his guardian shared similar humor.
What Optimus thought about it, she didn't even try to hazard a guess. The massive red and blue mech vented lightly. "While I am glad for your safe return and grateful for the risks you took to prevent his discovering our location, it concerns me that he was able to find you, despite precautions. This incident is for all of us. Whether or not they know of our base here, I believe they suspect we are at least near. Sideswipe and Sunstreaker report his signal all around the establishment where this occurred, and coating several other vehicles, but they lose it on the highway."
Barricade, like Jazz and Prowl, had more coding dampeners on his exterior than most Cybertronians. If his mark was all over town and her, it was intentional. An on-purpose neon sign that he was there.
"Could be a taunt meant to draw us out," Ironhide interjected, looking ready to do just that despite the possibility of a threat.
"I don't...I don't think so." Darcy wasn't sure how much she should speak up now that her part was done or if she should at all. This was alien business, not hers, she was just the unlucky individual caught in the middle of a feud. She'd told them what happened, that washed her hands of involvement.
"Explain what you mean, Detective," Prowl invited, his head tipped just barely to one side.
It was unnerving, having so much alien attention on her, especially now that she was just sharing theories and not the facts themselves. This wasn't her war, this wasn't her sworn enemy for millenia. They knew Barricade and his motivations far better than she could ever grasp. What could she possibly know or come up with that they hadn't already? But Prowl had put the offer out there and now they were listening. She sucked in a breath, steeled herself. "If he'd wanted to draw you out for a fight, why destroy the phone? He could have played dumb, let me hit the panic button, and drawn you right to him. But he didn't. He could have killed me and everyone in that bar, heck on that block, but he didn't lift a finger towards anyone. He just….he revealed himself, scared the hell out of me, laughed about it, and left. I think that's what he was doing. Fear is his thing, the more he causes, the more he enjoys it. I don't know how he found me, if it was an unlucky accident or something else, but I think all he wanted out of our meeting was to remind me that he's still out there, that he's still got plans. Remind all of us."
Prowl shifted towards Optimus. "Given the current evidence, I would have to agree with the Detective. Barricade's holoform does not naturally shed his coding like this. This was intentional and there is little reason for him to do so if not to let everyone know the moment they come across the Detective that he was near her, that he could have taken her again."
As the tactician happened a glance back in her direction, Darcy realized this wasn't about everyone. Barricade didn't care if Optimus or Sideswipe knew he'd been around. He didn't care if Jazz knew he'd had a chance at her and had chosen not to take it. This was about Prowl. This was about telling his enemy that he could have snatched the human under his 'care' right out from under his nose, again.
And Darcy remembered the promise Prowl had made during one of their drives, the promise to do everything in his power to keep Barricade from getting to her again. There was no way the Decepticon knew about that promise, but he might suspect at the least that his nemesis had made it to himself.
He hadn't done anything to her because the almost and what ifs would be enough to torture them for now and to keep them on edge waiting for him to strike. He'd found her once when she lacked protection, he could do it again. And the next time?
Next time he wouldn't be letting her walk away with a just bruised hand.
Captain: Dun, dun, duuuunnnn! This chapter had a lot. What's got Jazz's gears in a bind? Will Cybertron ever be restored? And just what is Barricade playing at, is Darcy right about it just being his own twisted sense of humor or is something else at play in the dark?
Please drop a review and let me know what you think! Until next time my lovelies!