"Japanese."
'English.'
-;-
Staring out at the rest of his graduated year laughing and teasing each other like long time friends, Sasuke's mind is blank. Sakura had invited everyone who passed for a night out at one of Chōji's family BBQ restaurants. Her sentiment fell unregarded when Sasuke had heard the plan - didn't stop the girl from grabbing him with nails more suited for a vulture than a child and dragging his miserable ass to the meet-up though. Which was where he now sat. Squished into a booth in-between Naruto and Ino in a place far too loud for his liking.
He stares at the iron heat rack built into the table. Bite size pieces of pork sizzling and leaking juices that waft obscenely into his nostrils.
His share hasn't been touched, and it was slowly turning into an off-putting dark colour. For the sake of not burning down the table, he reaches out to pluck it off.
Shikamaru shoves a tong in his hand without breaking away from his conversation with Kiba next to him.
Guileless, he plucks and drops the pork into the small bowl of rice he had. Making no move to eat it.
The hangover had finally abated after two more D-ranks and a heap of water Kakashi had chucked his way, but the never-ending pit in his stomach doesn't appreciate food.
Ino laughs at something Sakura says.
Handing him a cup of foaming beer, Captain snorts.
"Godfrey, you little shit."
He rubs his eyes.
-;-
When dinner ends and everyone excuses themselves home, Sasuke tromps in the vague direction of a bar he spotted on the way over.
"Oi, Teme."
He groans, turning back to face the oncoming storm that is Uzumaki. "Hn?"
"You didn't eat anything."
And suddenly Sasuke has a handful of takeaway leftovers in a plastic box. He stares at it for a half a heartbeat before squinting at Naruto's awkward expression. The kid harrumphs, rushing back to Sakura without explanation. Sasuke's eyes drift to the girl, eyebrow arched as though asking 'this your doing?'
She shakes her head in a half-smile and walks off with Naruto next to her. They disappear under yellow streetlamps and small crowds escaping neighbouring restaurants. Somewhere in the distance Sasuke hears Kiba's laughter.
Standing in the street for a second or two longer, feeling oddly stupefied by such a small act of kindness, he sighs. Spotting a nearby trashcan, the container weighs in his hand.
Naruto's naked look and Sakura's knowing sort of smile flashes dimly in mind as he tosses it into the bin.
Steering back in the direction of the bar, Sasuke erases that tiny ounce of guilt that desperately wanted to whine itself to life.
-;-
Ten seconds into finishing his second cup of whatever he had ordered, Kakashi appears next to him at the bar like a ghost. He has to poke him in the arm just to be sure, which shows just how bad he is at holding liquor.
Kakashi spares a look.
The buffed up barkeeper gives Kakashi a disturbingly flirty look that spoke words.
Sasuke takes a deep sip.
"Your boy then?" She winks.
Kakashi pats Sasuke roughly on the head. He almost drowns. "Thank you for alerting me, Seiji-chan."
Ha.
Slapping the hand away, Sasuke scowls into blue liquid.
Finger tapping a floral printed paper umbrella, he mulls over Kakashi's words. It appears the man sent out an APB to all the bars in Konoha.
Well that's fuckin' humiliating.
Quin would be barking with laughter if she were here.
[And not five feet under.]
He was strongly betting that this was out of genuine concern for Kakashi's own career.
Can't have the last Uchiha turning into an alcoholic and dying on him, can he?
The Council would have kittens.
"Anytime, Hatake," she gives one last long, suggestive grin before slinking off to serve another customer.
The music in the bar was of old Japanese. String instruments playing in a slow heartbeat. With lighting provided by simple red lanterns, it created a deeply dazed vibe.
Legs dangling over the bar stool, Sasuke felt extremely out of place in both the setting and environment; a Western Officer demurely surrounded by throws of murderous adults. In another life, a NYC cop bar wasn't lit like Hannibal's food torture chamber. And they didn't play something his mother – Sasuke's mother listened to. More Rolling Stones and old Jazz. The good type, not whatever the new generation 'artistically' butchered.
Finishing his drink and enjoying the slight buzz that slides across his nervous system like a hug, Sasuke raises two more fingers at the younger barkeeper. The baby-faced man turns to Kakashi as though he couldn't make his own damned life decisions.
Kakashi nods, thank you, and Sasuke plucks out his paper umbrella. Spinning it in-between his fingers in a hypnotic gaze.
"Give it a decade or two of this drinking habit and you'll become a child murderer," Kakashi says cheerily.
Sasuke blinks up at the posters of pin up men and women on the ceiling. Trying to understand the thought process that went into that – reflects upon the countless people he arrested first year as constable, and can't help but grudgingly agree with that messed up assessment.
"Huh."
Probably a good thing he doesn't plan on living that long.
Sasuke takes a diligent couple of sips from his arrived drinks.
Kakashi orders himself a matcha cocktail.
"I heard from Akimichi-san, Sakura's little gathering went well."
Even a little tipsy, Sasuke could tell this was an opening to the real interrogation.
"You don't eat very much do you, Sasuke-chan?"
He doesn't shiver under Kakashi's intense stare, keeping himself nicely sedated on the blue liquid that tasted faintly of blueberry pie. "Small appetite."
"Ahh," he nods in understanding. "Had a teammate with a small stomach once. Know what happened to him?"
"Got a hunch nothing good."
"Didn't see him for two weeks after a butchered mission where he almost fainted during pursuit of the target."
"Useless fella."
Kakashi cocks his head, "Bit harsh."
"If you know you're unwell, don't go on mission and risk your teammate's lives," pot calling the kettle black. "It's simple. He was selfish."
"Or selfless," Kakashi eyes miles again. It was extremely condescending. Sasuke had a decade on the guy. "In those two weeks, reports started coming in from his neighbours stating they could smell rotting fish and meat coming from his place. Hokage-sama ordered me to 'check in' on him. It was during the summer, and you know how hot Konoha gets during that time of year. I found him in the shower, almost completely melted. Human goop. He starved himself so much he probably fainted while showering and hit his head. We could barely move him because whenever we did pieces of him would start slipping off like slime."
One doesn't simply work in the toughest NCY's district without cultivating the world's worst case of desensitization known to man.
Sasuke nods his head in a routine 'ahh, tragic' way.
He could practically see Kakashi internally go 'Jesus Christ'. "You'll end up like him."
"No shit," Sasuke says, believing.
"…Hmm, is that what you're aiming for, Sasuke-chan?" there's no judgement or concern in his tone. Simply a detached Uniform fishing for information on already heavy backed up evidence.
Sasuke neither confirms nor denies that query, "Hn. Wouldn't be very Uchiha of me, would it?"
"Incredibly civilian," Kakashi deadpans.
"Tch," Sasuke simply adores the man.
"Still," goes on Kakashi. Tone innocent. "That small appetite has got to change." In proof he slides the complimentary bowl of cracked walnuts over to Sasuke. "As a responsible sensei, I can't allow my students to voluntarily starve themselves to death. Willingly or not. Gosh, the paperwork I'd have to fill out…"
"...Students." Sasuke emphasises in question.
"Oh, I've already visited Sakura-chan and Naruto-chan's homes to inspect their diets. Sakura-chan is doing exceptionally well. Gold star to her. However you and Naruto-chan need serious help with life choices."
"Ah," Sasuke drearily chuckles to himself.
"Just by looking at you, you're severely underweight," Kakashi tuts. As though the house he was looking to buy didn't have the right amount of room space. "It's a wonder you didn't keel over during the bell test. Now, even." Kakashi glances pointedly to his assembly of glasses.
Sasuke raises his drink, "Cheers."
Kakashi grins and all mention of Sasuke's unhealthy habits fall away the moment his cocktail arrives.
The rest of the night is blurred with drinks, spontaneous karaoke he didn't know the bar had and throwing up in their dirty bathroom.
It really is a wonder how he hasn't just died already.
-;-
Sasuke wakes up to a lick on his cheek, a slimy cold feeling and tinkering giggling. Two signs that pointed to Kakashi's apartment.
How he got here, he doesn't much care. All he did care about was shoving off the large dog that was pressing an uncomfortable amount of weight on his stomach.
"Rude child," a gruff voice says.
Swallowing the hot liquid creeping up his oesophagus, Sasuke squints into the face of the dog towering over him.
"Did you just…"
"Yes I can speak, dimwit."
"Rude dog."
A grin full of vicious teeth, "I like you."
"Aww they're getting along, Kashi-chan!" The light voice echoes from behind.
After a quick check to see if he still had his dog tags on, Sasuke hefts himself up into a seated position. The couch he slept on was brown and stained with vomit and other disgusting stuff he didn't think too long about.
Nice.
A glance to his right, he spots a futon that appeared as old as he was. Another glance proves to show no doors. Only a simple window opposite open to the view of Konoha's population.
Did Kakashi live in a jail cell?
Speak of the Devil and He shall appear, "Not dead?"
The man comes strolling out of the open kitchen behind him. Straining to see, Kakashi covers the space between them in three long strides. After having more than a handful of cocktails, the man is suspiciously sober.
He's given a plate of buttered toast and orange juice.
In seconds Sasuke finds himself sitting at a tiny table in the kitchen, fed and hydrated with a dimming headache thanks to a pill made by the Akimichi and Yamanaka Clans.
Near the window by the sofa, Rin was peering out the window singing a folk song about drowning babies and water pixies.
He's worked with mental cases in the past as Godfrey, but that brat was really fucking unique.
Kakashi leans into his view, unseen eyebrow raised. Sasuke quickly turns away from Rin, not wanting to open that can of worms.
If she knew he could see her, then he was gonna throw himself off a roof (not that it would work, last time he tried a nearby shinobi caught him mid-air and scolded him so hard Sasuke almost got fined for assault).
"-opportunity for more D-ranks."
"Huh?"
Kakashi clicks his tongue. "Our babysitting client phoned in this morning to say we'll get a shorter shift. Her father arrived yesterday afternoon from a neighbouring village outside Konohagakure and he'll be spending time with Akira-chan. More D-ranks for you~"
"Oh joy."
"I thought so."
-;-
Five minutes into team warm ups that involved a lot of stretching, Sasuke wasn't fairing too hot. It should be reminded here that on the fitness and educational ladder, he flopped like a dying fish.
Which was exactly how he had liked it up until this very moment.
"I eat well!" Naruto shouts in his cobra position.
"Ramen doesn't count," Kakashi scolds. "After today's D-ranks, Sakura-chan and I will take you two to a grocery store where you can spend your pay checks wisely."
"Finally doing something useful in life," Sakura mutters behind Sasuke's back which she was gently pressing on. Sasuke's entire body trembled from stretching his calf and thigh muscles.
'Sweet baby Jesus,' he whispers.
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
-;-
Whoop, your love and support for this story means so much. It helped me bring it back to life (ironically)
Gosh i enjoy making dark inside jokes.