Chapter 3: The Great Escape
Sans was speechless and, if he was quite honest with himself, more than a little out of his depth. After all, he had never attempted a teleport he wasn't guiding—it was a ludicrous idea to begin with. Why would he even consider—?
And yet…
And yet if such a thing was possible, well: it'd be awesome. One can only take so much infinite blackness, after all. Plus Sirius certainly seemed to think this weird side-along schtick could be done, for some reason. Sans—after recovering his voice, though he still sounded somewhere between hope and shock—just had to ask, "how would that even work?"
"Well, it's like you'd be the motorbike and—" The skeleton cut him off with a distinct you're-not-helping look, so Sirius had to think of a more direct way to explain it. "I guess… you cast the spell and provide the power while I steer."
Sans sighed, a tad annoyed. "you're driving me up the wall, man. i'm asking how that's done."
"Oh."
"…well?"
"Sorry, I was just thinking. With Apparating, the caster basically tries to Apparate with no destination in mind and so the spell follows the direction of the… other, uhm… would 'passenger' be accurate?"
The last bit was said mostly to himself, but Sans had heard enough to get the general idea. That general idea, when applied to his own method of teleportation… actually seemed possible. Sirius had stopped his incessant pacing in favor of explaining his plan, but the restless energy had certainly not dissipated yet. Now he was basically vibrating in place, eagerly awaiting a verdict. Sans himself was feeling uncharacteristically giddy given this new option, long-faded hope rising anew under his sternum. He tried to quash it, to approach the situation with scientific detachment so as not to be crushed if it all crumbled to pieces around his skull.
when, he told himself firmly, when it all crumbles to pieces.
But it was impossible now to beat back his treacherous hope. Not with the idea shining so clear and tempting and possible in his mind.
"i can't believe i'm letting myself do this," Sans grumbled to himself, but it was a halfhearted grumble at best. After reviewing and theorizing for a few more seconds, he had to finally acknowledge that: "…it could work."
"Ha-HA! Yes!" Sirius laughed, celebrating his breakthrough with a fist pump and a stupid little dance.
"you might want to save the celebrations for aft—"
"Don't be such a spoilsport, Sans." Sirius tried to frown at the short skeleton, but the effect was somewhat lost since his eyes were still lit up with excitement. The fake frown was predictably replaced by a wide smile as he joked, "You do have a funny bone, right?"
That remark prompted a rather interesting grin from Sans and he immediately recalled who he had just punned. If Sirius had learned one thing about Sans during the course of their friendship (and he liked to think he had learned more than just one thing), it was that the skeleton and puns went hand-in-hand.
"i like to think i'm pretty humerus, but tibia-nest i might be losing my touch. At least you're around to—" Sans popped off his left hand with his right and held it out to the now-astonished wizard, "—lend me a hand."
Sirius stared gobsmacked at the temporarily detached limb, briefly recalling his earlier observation regarding the skeleton and puns: hand-in-hand indeed. He reached out but aborted his plan to poke it when the fingers wiggled at him. "Okay, I know you're a skeleton, but that's a bit creepy."
Sans put his hand back on its respective limb, making a soft click-pop sound. With a grin and feigned offense, he whined, "how hurtful! you're tearing me apart!"
"Seems to me that's what you were doing," the wizard replied, rolling his eyes. "And regardless, we're getting off topic. We can do this right? You said it could work."
Becoming significantly more serious—no pun intended, but sentiment still appreciated—Sans nodded. "theoretically, but i want to test it before trying to shortcut outta' here."
Sirius shrugged off his brown jacket and dropped it at their feet before grabbing Sans's boney shoulder in response. "Fine by me. The jacket will be a reference point and I'll focus on somewhere else here in the void."
"good luck with that."
Sans drew up his magic, queueing it as if he was going to make a shortcut but keeping his mind meticulously blank. He directed the flow of his magic through Sirius's hand, his arm, and his SOUL. Interestingly enough, Sirius's large, dense, and heart-shaped collection of magic was mostly orange with a distinctly vibrant purple border: bravery and perseverance, then. It was somewhat difficult to blend his own blue-gold magic with another two-toned SOUL, but he managed it. The shortcut took hold and the pair of them vanished.
They reappeared somewhere else in the void, presumably. It was impossible to tell, at least until they spotted the crumpled jacket several meters away.
"huh." The skeleton shook himself, noticing a few fading wisps in a variety of colors curling around them. He didn't usually cause colors like that when teleporting: they must be Sirius's fault. "so… you can let go now, sirius."
Sirius didn't let go.
"…sirius?"
"No. Come on, Sans! Let's make our great escape!" Sirius shook the small skeleton in a way that vaguely reminded him of an overzealous Papyrus. "No time like the present, as they say!"
"eh, they say a lotta' things."
The remark was waved off by the hand not still holding Sans's shoulder so tightly that it would have hurt if he had flesh. "Acknowledged, but I'm afraid the point still stands, Rattles."
"alri—" Sans cut himself off and looked at the human-whose-sanity-was-questionable with a question tangentially related to his sanity. "…did you just call me 'rattles'? no wait, better yet: did i just answer to 'rattles'?"
"That would be yes on both counts."
"stars, i'm becoming as crazy as you."
Sirius somehow managed to sketch out a grand bow without releasing his hold on Sans's humerus, probably only able to because the skeleton was so much shorter. "Thank you, Rattles. Are you ready to take the jump back to reality?"
"'no time like the present', indeed," he huffed to himself. "just stay focused or we might end up in your world's dark ages or something."
"Right, sir!"
"that mock salute really doesn't inspire confidence." The wizard just kept grinning like a loon so Sans had no choice but to sigh and repeat, "just stay—"
"Focused, I know," Sirius finished. "You did say that literally five seconds ago. And don't worry: I will. There are people I care about and I do not plan on leaving them behind because my attention span was lacking."
Sans's response was to gather his magic again, readying another shortcut: that shut Sirius up pretty quickly. Making a jump out of the infinite void would probably take more juice than a jump within it, and certainly more than one from home to Grillby's or simi—he cut off that train of thought. No point risking it. As his magic curled through Sirius's SOUL, Sans felt the shortcut's far end abruptly disappear beyond his awareness. He held it for a moment, noticing with slight unease that, though (or perhaps because) he didn't know where the end was, his magic flickered and pulsed and couldn't quite settle completely. After a particularly significant jolt, the decision was taken out of his hands.
Sirius's SOUL lurched and Sans got a glimpse through the shortcut as something—something that felt like Sirius himself, for some reason—tugged from the other end.
They vanished, leaving behind only swirling colors and an old brown jacket that both swiftly faded into nothingness.
=X=X=X=
Sans winked back into existence alone.
Well, 'alone' in that Sirius was no longer clinging to his arm and was instead sprawled limply a short distance away. To be honest, he wasn't very alone at all. He was standing on the side of a lake with three apparently catatonic humans—Sirius and two people he didn't recognize (for obvious reasons)—and a swarm of creepy flying demon-things. Said demon-things were, thankfully, being held off by some sort of white glowing stag-thing standing on the far shore.
So that's nice.
The stag-thing cantered out onto the water, brightening with each step until it was difficult to look at. Ripples of white light played across the lake's surface, but the demon-things only shifted slightly: moving away from the three collapsed humans but still pretty keen on staying. Sans didn't like the way they were clustering closer to him and he certainly didn't like the sudden cold, heavy feeling dragging at his SOUL.
It was just… so cold.
He staggered as memories of red-red-red and an ache deep in his chest swept him away from the lakeside. A snowstorm, a red scarf, and then he was standing again in that cursed golden hallway, listening for footsteps and waiting for the inevitable. Useless. Voices and screaming and echoing insane laughter. He lived the same days again and again and it hurt because couldn't tell if they were looping memories or the looping timeline. Did it even matter?—nothing matters. Then everything fell to the black loneliness of the void only to be jerked back to endless repeating genocide to his brother's voice, weak and dying but still so trusting. There was snow and dust and blood at his feet, on his hands, and…
Suddenly the lake was back, dark and freezing but still an infinite improvement. Another wave of white filled his vision, knocking back some of the demon-things that had been drifting closer. The light didn't look particularly threatening—stars, it felt comforting when it washed over him—but whatever it was scattered the demon-things into the sky and out of sight.
Still unsteady from the forced flashbacks, Sans took a few wavering steps toward Sirius and sat down next to him with a soft thud. He looked way paler than Sans remembered. Other than that, though, he and the other humans—a boy with unruly black hair and a girl with brown curls—seemed fine. After a moment's further vigilance, the stag-thing went back across the lake before dispersing into misty threads of quickly fading light, leaving everything in darkness and Sans with a moment to himself.
"welp, i'd say this wasn't quite where sirius was hoping to end up," Sans said, thinking aloud as he stared up at the cloudy night sky. "if he was aiming to reappear in the middle of a group of evil flying cloak-demons then… i'll, uhm…" he rolled his eyes, glancing back to his unconscious friend and finished lamely, "i'll re-e-eally question that decision."
If he had to guess, he'd say (fairly certainly, so it's not much of a guess) that Sirius's desired destination had been overwritten by whatever had pulled from the other end of the shortcut. Still, seeing as the wizard was found passed out on arrival—not to mention the fact that he was wearing different clothes and overall just looked slightly different—Sans figured that Sirius was somehow to blame. The whatever-it-was had felt like Sirius himself, after all, so it's possible that they had ended up it the semi-recent past with current-past-Sirius's SOUL being the whatever-it-was. Or maybe Sirius just messed up and Sans imagined the odd pull. Either way, Sirius was to blame.
Sans was about to try and wake Sirius up—he was thinking a liberal dose of lake water might work nicely—when he felt a freezing shiver race down his spine. His response was to simply pull his hood up, huddling down for warmth. It took a moment to notice that it was the exact same sensation of penetrating cold that he had felt before succumbing to nightmarish recollections, though less pronounced at the moment, thank the stars. He immediately switched to high alert, crouched and scanning the sky for the cause: returning demon-things, presumably.
And… There! Dark, shifting shapes began to take form over the tree tops.
Another shiver raced along his bones and he grimaced at the approaching shadowy figures. Flickers of red and gold and the sounds of distant voices began to echo in his skull as the cold grew more intense. It was easy to draw the connection: the demon-things obviously caused more than just dropping temperatures. And Sans had no intention of letting them drag up his memories again.
He pushed himself back to his feet, dusting himself off before nonchalantly stuffing his hands in his pockets. Most of the demon-things—but not all, he noticed with slight annoyance—were coming from one direction. That just meant he'd need to use slightly more force than he first thought. Sans glared at them and a sharp chime rang out over the lake as his left eye socket filled with pure magic, its flickering blue and gold the only light visible. There was a whoosh of displaced air as, with just a thought, he summoned four Gaster Blasters.
Really, he couldn't resist: "do you wanna have a bad time?"
The demon-things continued to drift closer, so either they didn't understand the threat he posed or they didn't care. Sans shrugged: it didn't really matter at this point. His weapons charged in an instant, cascades of sparks escaping from between sharp teeth.
He didn't hesitate.
The sound rumbled through the air, deep and powerful.
The darkness was shattered by overwhelming white.
The blast shook the nearby trees and pushed waves of water away from the shore.
…It was pretty safe to say there wouldn't be much left of the demon-things. Well, not much beyond whatever the magical equivalent is for a smear and maybe a few tattered scraps of black cloak.
Sans blinked twice, clearing his vision with a pulse of magic, and whistled under his non-existent breath. "that… might have been overkill."
There was a thud and a pained moan from behind him. He spun around, one charged blaster appearing over his shoulder, just in case. Something at the edge of the forest stumbled out onto the shore, likely blinded and disoriented by Sans's earlier attack, followed by something floating crookedly in the air. It was another human. Well, a human and what seemed to be a flying gurney. Sans could barely make out the shape of someone on the gurney and marveled at the number of randomly unconscious people there were in the immediate vicinity. The not knocked-out human—a man, he noticed—wore billowing black robes that made his bumbling about vaguely reminiscent of a drunk, overgrown bat.
He was about to offer assistance when he recalled Sirius's first reaction to meeting him. Adding to that what little he had been told about this world and Sans could guess its thoughts on skeletons (though he certainly wasn't some brain-dead zombie). Perhaps it might be best to make himself scarce.
A quick scan of potential hiding spots and one shortcut later, Sans was safely out of the way. Mostly. Balancing somewhat precariously on a high tree branch—and using more than a little magic to keep himself there—wasn't very comfortable or safe, but at least he could discretely watch the goings on.
The human was now standing very still, rubbing furiously at his eyes with his free hand while the other flicked the stick it held to the ground. When the floating gurney lowered itself, following the gesture, Sans belatedly realized that the stick must be a wand. It was obvious, really, and he chided himself for not making the connection sooner. A few long, hard blinks later and the human—Sans decided to refer to him as 'Nose' until further notice, after his most prominent facial feature—was suspiciously eyeing the shoreline, even turning to scan the trees.
Sans hunkered down and did his best to mute his presence.
It was a tense experience to be sure, especially the two times those dark eyes swept past his tree, but eventually Nose turned his attention to the three unconscious people. Sans eased forward, the blaster he still had at the ready poised to strike should the black-robed wizard make any move to harm them.
Thankfully his caution was unnecessary. Nose conjured another three gurneys and carefully levitated the two kids and Sirius onto them, being surprisingly gentle with the boy and girl and markedly less so with Sirius (going so far as to bind and gag him but, since he didn't actually hurt Sirius, Sans decided to see how it panned out). He worked quickly and efficiently, but didn't loosen his wound-up posture. Sans caught him casting several long, unreadable glances at the spot where the skeleton had stood minutes earlier before switching to watching the surrounding forest with noticeable unease.
Once all four—seriously, four unexplained unconscious humans—had been loaded onto stretchers, Nose swished his wand in their direction with a flourishing flick and they all floated into the air. It must be harder for human wizards to fly bodies than gurneys for some reason, since otherwise Sans didn't see the point of conjuring them. Or maybe wizards just didn't think stuff through very much. Whatever. He set aside his musings on wizards and logic (or more to the point their lack thereof) when Nose began making his way back in the direction he had stumbled from. Needless to say, the bat-like wonder was bringing back more than he thought: an additional sneaky skeleton followed in the trees.
After all, that was Sans's friend—not to mention the only person he even knows in this world—being carted off on one of the stretchers. There's no way Sans was gonna lose track of him.
Authors Note:
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Undertale.
I must say, that's probably not where they expected to end up. Well, Sans had no idea what to expect so he's just rolling with it at this point, but Sirius is sure to be a little confused when he wakes up. And I suppose you might be a tad confused as well, seeing as our heroes ended up nearly two years earlier than they were aiming for. Answers are on their way, so stay tuned for next month!
I've noticed a few reviews that are a bit confused, so I'll just clarify something here: the four unconscious people are Ron (who is on Snape's first gurney), Hermione and Harry (who were both by the lake in the book), and Sirius. It's mentioned that the people with Sirius are "a boy with unruly black hair and a girl with brown curls", but it might not have been clear that the fourth was Ron.
Thanks to everyone who has reviewed! I read every single one and (as you will see below) will sometimes include a few responses here in the author's note. And never fear everyone, this story will continue to update on the first of each month until I've finished: I have no intention of abandoning it.
DragonLovingGirl6: That's hilarious! I'll definitely need to work something like that in later, though of course under different circumstances. Maybe I'll write a spin-off collection once I've completed the story.
Sayla Ragnarok: Indeed, their first thought would probably be that Sans is some kind of Inferius. Luckily though, he and Sirius will work out a brilliant disguise. No seriously, it's foolproof. Kinda.
crazy dragon ninja: No world collision, which is probably a good thing on all counts. Actually, I'm planning on posting (at some point) a parallel story to this one all about what's going on in Undertale now that it has lost its punny skeleton. And let me tell you, his friends want him back.
Multipule-Characters1-Acct: Yes. Yes it was. Though at this point I'm not sure if it was intentional on his part (Sans is a secretive little bugger, ain't he?). AUs won't be coming up anymore than references like that, if you were wondering.
Acerman: Sans might be able to learn wizarding magic, but I'm not sure he'd be willing to put the effort in. I guess we'll have to wait an see!
Sorry about the long note, but that wraps up this update!
See ya on the flipside, everyone!