Chapter 9: Nice to Meet You. Again.

For all the nonsense still going on around them, what with the confetti still drifting about and the quacking duck, the atmosphere in the closet was pretty tense. One of the paper dragons had selected Perkins's head as a perch, but despite the silliness of a miniature origami Norwegian Ridgeback bedding down in the older man's fluffy white hair, Sirius remained intently focused on him as a possible threat.

Sans just shrugged. "anyway we're here for sirius's glorified twig. pretty sure it's in—" he tapped the lid of the chest he was still sitting on for emphasis "—this box here."

The elderly wizard raised one eyebrow at the less-than-flattering name for a wand, but otherwise didn't remark on it. He leaned forward slightly, squinting at what he could see of the chest in question. It did look rather familiar. "Yes, that's probably the right one."

"it's got a magic doohickey," said Sans, attempting to prompt more info.

"A harmless enough charm, if I remember correctly." Perkins drew his wand from his sleeve, a simple 12-inch branch of warm orangish-brown wood. "I should be able to—"

Sirius sprang to his feet, clearly disturbed that a wand had been drawn by a potential enemy when he could not do the same in turn. Bitingly, he hissed an accusing, "What are you doing!?"

Perkins was taken aback by the sudden shift from antsy to pretty much outright hostile and froze in place; he had never known Sirius could be so jumpy. He carefully lowered his wand so that it wasn't pointed at any of them, the gesture calm and placating.

"Sirius," he began, and when the younger man stiffened at his familiar manner, Perkins reluctantly changed it. "Mr. Black, then. I assure you my only intent is to remove the locking charm."

He was still semi-crouched, tense and untrusting, until Sans smacked his shoulder. "no. bad sirius."

Sirius stammered a few somewhat unintelligible arguments, none of which got very far before he was cut off.

"no. bad." Then, with a shrug, Sans reassuringly added, "besides, i can get us out long before he tries anything, if he even tries anything. i'd like to think i'm pretty good at noticing those things."

As the skeleton stood up, scooching the chest forward with one slippered foot, Perkins kept his wand down so as not to startle Sirius again. Instead, he cocked his head curiously. "On that point, how did you get in without anyone noticing?" He paused briefly. "Except, apparently, that duck."

The persistent duck had, in fact, been quacking up a storm the entire time since appearing in the closet. Now, finally acknowledged by all three people in the room, it gave a distinctly satisfied nod and shut up. Quite the odd detection thingamajig, using a duck.

"trade secret. or, in other words: magic. you guys are wizards, shouldn't you know how this works?"

"You're a bit of a cheat, Rattles," said Sirius, unable to resist a chuckle at Sans's exasperated tone.

Having noticed that the supposedly crazed criminal was acting significantly less crazed, Perkins took a chance and asked, "Ah, Mr. Black… If I may?" He pointed to the locked box with his empty hand.

Sirius hesitated for a long minute, first considering everyone and everything in the room before going quiet and staring off into space. It was true that he was conflicted, not sure if Perkins could be trusted… but then again if the old man really did mean harm, Sirius's objection wouldn't be worth much anyway. Plus it's not as if he had actually done anything aggressive since entering the closet. Finally, he gave a slow nod and took a small step back.

With a slight smile, the elderly wizard swished his wand at the chest with a muttered incantation and a stream of silver light zapped the metallic-looking blob keeping it closed. The seal appeared to glow slightly, squirming and shifting until it reformed into the shape of an unlocked padlock. Sans flipped back the lid, revealing a large variety of duplicate wands: there were some unique ones, but most seemed to have at least one copy.

"Ah, the false wands stash," Sirius recalled, momentarily forgetting his anxiety as he scooted around to reach into the chest. He shuffled through the bundles of some-magical-some-normal sticks, trying to find his own. "Can't believe they tossed real wands, mine included, in with this lot."

Perkins carefully put his own wand away. "I suppose if you must find a place to store old wands you don't want being used, a box full of fakes is rather ideal."

"why did you even have these?"

"They're perfect for hilarious pranks, of course," Sirius said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "And they made for a convenient alibi! After all, you couldn't have cast a spell since your wand was clearly right there in plain sight."

After watching his friend paw through the mostly fake wands—pun intended—Sans finally stepped forward and just kicked the chest over, spilling them across the floor. Ignoring Sirius's indignant squawk and Perkins's confused, questioning look, he closed his eye sockets to focus on finding the right stick. A minute later he twitched a finger and his blue magic lifted Sirius's wand out of the jumble.

With the flourish of a performing magician finishing his trick, the skeleton grinned and asked, "is this your wand?"

Sirius snatched it with a noise that might as well have been an excited bark. "Why didn't I just have you do that from the start?" he asked himself, smiling. Then, with a flick of his newly re-acquired wand, he cleaned himself up more than a garden hose could ever hope to.

"spiffy." Sans poked at one of the other real wands with his foot, and then picked it up to examine more closely. It had a magical core made of something from a magical creature—or so he had been told. As such he had expected its essence to feel more monster-like than the faint hint it actually had. Then again, the feathered creature Sirius had ridden hadn't felt particularly monster-y either, so… whatever. He could feel a shimmer of magic infused with the stick: it somewhat reminded him of a small SOUL, though shaped a bit like a spiraling funnel.

"I suppose you have no need for a wand?" Perkins watched the skeleton turn the stick over in his hands, left eye-light perhaps a shade more blue than the right.

He shrugged. "yep. it's pretty neat though."

"Why don't you give it a wave?"

"Yeah, Rattles!" Sirius chimed in, animosity towards to older man completely discarded. "Try it out!"

Sans considered for a moment, looking doubtful—though of what, the two wizards weren't sure. Then, with a shrug that still seemed a bit hesitant, he slipped some of his magic into the wand and swished it through the air. Nothing happened. Nothing new, anyway. The giant, out-of-place wheel of cheese he had been aiming at floated into the air as expected, but the wand might as well have not been there at all. "well that was disappointing."

"What do you—"

The elderly wizard's question was interrupted by a loud crack as a fracture ran down the length of the wand Sans was holding, splitting it in two. An instant later and it violently shattered, falling to pieces with an eerily echoing sound the skeleton was all too familiar with.

"that," Sans began, nonchalantly dusting off his hands, "was more what i expected."

Sirius picked up the largest piece—barely two centimeters long—and considered it for a moment before flicking it aside. "Excuse me, but why would you have expected that?"

Given that both wizards were staring intently at him, clearly wanting an explanation (Perkins had even pulled out a notebook and a pencil to write down anything interesting), Sans couldn't help but answer as best he could. "apparently wands are pseudo-sentient, and destroying SOULs results in them bursting, so… boom." He shrugged. "plus my magic typically only goes through things by destroying them."

"What do you mean by 'destroying souls'?" Perkins asked, somewhat concerned by the implication.

"'SOULs'," corrected Sans.

Sirius just rolled his eyes and, when the older wizard turned to him in confusion, chuckled slightly. "Yeah, I don't really hear a difference either. From what I can tell it's basically the same thing."

It looked like he had further questions, but a muffled voice calling from outside drew everyone's attention. "What was that noise? Is everything all right in there?"

"Yes, Arthur," Perkins replied evenly. "Just knocked over another box is all."

"Do you need any help tidying up?"

"No—no, I'm quite alright." He turned and added to Sirius in a whisper, "I expect you'll help, given you're the reason for this mess."

The prankster snorted. "It's Sans's fault, standing around in the dark."

"technically you're the one who made this stuff in the first place, so really it's on you."

"Ganging up on me now, are we?" At the expressions he got in return, Sirius halfheartedly grumbled, "Okay, fine."

As Sirius went about magicking away the triggered pranks and their collateral damage, Perkins returned his attention to Sans. "I'm still curious about this… soul thing, but I suppose our time now is limited. Do you need help getting out of here safely?"

"how do you think we got in?"

"You weren't particularly forthcoming when I asked earlier, but I figured I'd make an offer regardless." The elderly wizard glanced at the door, considering. "Seeing as I didn't notice anyone else so much as look at this closet for several hours, I haven't the faintest how you got in here."

"like i said, it was—"

"—Magic," Sirius finished, earning a disgruntled look in return. By now most of the mess had been fixed up, shoved back into boxes, or vanished altogether. Key word being 'most', since there was quite a bit still strewn about and all of the shelves were still in shambles. "And we shall magic our way out, as well."

"Then do you need somewhere to stay? I'd have to apologize to Arthur, since I promised to lend it to him this summer, but I do have a tent I could give you."

Waving off the suggestion, Sirius explained, "No, I've already got a plan for that."

Perkins smiled, and, tone a bit put out, said, "It really seems like you don't need my help at all right now." Then a moment later, apparently having had some idea, he nodded decisively and pulled out another notebook. "Well, at least I can do one thing. Before you 'magic yourselves away', I ask that you take this."

Both notebooks—the one he had been writing in earlier and the one Sirius was now curiously eyeing—looked to be identical. The covers were made of a plain brown, soft leather and had a thin strap that could be used to wrap it closed. Sans watched over his friend's shoulder (more like his elbow, given his relative height) as he unwound and opened it. To his surprise, the first page had a few tidy scribbles about wands and souls and other such things that he was pretty sure had been written in the other booklet. A tentative scan of the item revealed that it was enchanted, but in a weirdly displaced way: a strange echo-y sort of magic that felt almost like it was in two places at once.

Quickly flipping through the rest of the pages and finding them all blank, Sirius looked back up. "Why are you carrying around both of them?"

"I only bought them today," Perkins said with a shrug. "Though I suppose that worked out nicely in the end."

"some sorta… pair thing?" Sans guessed. "what are they?"

"They're some sort of pair thing, obviously."

"very helpful, wise-guy."

Pulling out his copy and writing something down, Perkins said simply, "See for yourself."

Having felt the magic… reverberate?— something like that, Sans snatched the notebook from Sirius and flipped back to the beginning. There was a new note written at the top of the second page.

"'just in case'," he read aloud. "just in case of what?"

"I'm no Seer, of course, so there's no way I could know. Just… keep me in mind if you get up to more mischief than you can manage."

Sirius abruptly spun his attention back to the older wizard, a peculiar expression on his face. He slowly brought one hand up and held it in front of Perkins's mouth. Then he lowered it. Raised it again. Lowered it. Perkins cocked an eyebrow, clearly wondering what he was trying to do.

"Ah! Mark Perkins!"

The eyebrow inched higher. "Yes, that is my name."

"Yeah, but I know you!" Sirius exclaimed, and he smiled broadly. "You always said stuff like that whenever you caught James and me setting up pranks around the office. I think you worked in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Department, right? Just down the hall!"

Perkins, glad that Sirius hadn't entirely forgotten him, replied, "Still do, actually."

"and you're only remembering this now?" Sans asked, somewhat incredulous. "how thick's your skull? we've been talking with the guy for at least half an hour."

"In my defense he used to have a beard. And it's been well over fourteen years."

"It's only been twelve years, Mr. Black."

He blinked and, after shooting a conspiratorial look at Sans, amended, "Right, yeah. My mistake. And you can call me Sirius." Awkwardly, he quietly added, "Sorry about the whole forgot-who-you-were thing."

Perkins, while still curious, chose to largely drop that strange slip-up and just smiled. "Regardless, two more years or no, I appreciate that you haven't forgotten me completely. Hopefully you see now why I wasn't too keen on criminalizing you."

"Well." Sirius's tone had an edge to it: more resentful now than he had been the first time around, having actually had time to think over what had happened to him. "That didn't stop a lot of people."

"make a list."

"What?"

"a list. make a list of the ones who matter and make sure to… i dunno, mess with 'em." Sans shrugged. "messing with people helps deal with stuff. especially if those people are the source of that stuff."

"I like the way you think, Rattles."

"it's just the barebones of an idea, but i'm sure you can flesh it out."

Perkins looked torn between slapping the skeleton for his puns or chuckling at them, but in the end he just sighed. "Of course he can. I'd imagine just introducing them to you would count as 'messing' with them."

Sirius nodded thoughtfully. "True, but then I—"

"hold that thought," Sans cut in, glancing toward the door. "i'd say it's time we make like a heart and beat it."

Just as he finished his sentence, the voice from outside—Sans couldn't recall the name Perkins had used—spoke up again. "This blasted glitter has it in for me I swear!"

Having just cleaned up some of that glitter, Sirius knew that what was strewn about wasn't the usual arts n' crafts variety. Normal glitter is annoying enough to deal with, which obviously meant it was a prime choice for prank enhancements. Honestly, charming the stuff to multiply if left alone (and multiply much faster if someone tries the Banishing Charm for a quick fix) was unavoidable. Adding color changing paint that spreads to whatever it touches… well, that was just common sense.

Just as the door swung open, Sans decided it was high time to leave. He didn't even bother to actually grab Sirius, though he did give a quick nod goodbye to Perkins. The elderly wizard had less than half a second to be confused before both skeleton and convict vanished. He hadn't even blinked; they were simply gone.

"That answers my earlier question… but at the same time raises several more," he murmured to himself, tucking away his half of the paired notebooks and calmly turning to his vibrantly decorated boss. Taking in the colorful spectacle, he observed, "That certainly seems to be the case, Arthur."

Arthur, in turn, was staring at the absolute nonsense in the closet, though much cleaner than it had been, thanks to Sirius's efforts. "Merlin's beard, those must've been impressive marbles to cause this mess. How did this happen?"

"I'm not sure." Perkins looked back at the place where Sirius and Sans had been standing, smiling. "I'm really not sure."

=X=X=X=

Sirius barely caught a glimpse of Arthur Weasley, covered in colors and sparkling glitter, before being whisked away. The clearing, once he refocused, was much the same as it had been when they left, if a bit brighter and with less fog drifting about.

He wasn't too interested in the scenery, however, as he was more fascinated by the trick his skeletal friend just pulled. "How did you do that?"

"you mean the thing i've already done, what—" Sans paused for a second, recounting, "nine, maybe ten times now?"

"Yes! I mean no! I mean… Merlin's pants, Rattles, I'm just… How did you take me along?" he asked, finally getting his mouth to cooperate. Honestly, Sirius had never taken himself as the stunned-speechless type, but after meeting Sans apparently all bets were off. "Unless I've been numb for the past few minutes you didn't touch me at all."

"i didn't."

The wizard simply stared, waiting for further explanation, and when none was forthcoming he complained, "The question, Sans. Answer the question."

"but i did? it was just another one of my shortcuts." For the record, Sans was actually a bit confused as to what the issue was. Their latest teleportation venture was, to him, the same as all the others. Physical contact never really played a part since it's all in the magic, though it did make it slightly easier to track and follow Sirius's lead. That considered, he went ahead and said so: "oh, and i don't need touch to send you through one, if that was the issue."

"You don't…" Sirius let the thought drift away, sighed, shrugged, and said, "Well, I did say you were a bit of a cheat, didn't I."

The Hippogriff—who had been startled by their sudden reappearance and until this point had been silently watching—snorted as if in agreement. Buckbeak could feel the strange lazy power that drifted about the short skeleton more keenly than any wizard. Any magical creature would. Grinning at both man and beast, Sans sat down on the grass with an 'oh well, too bad' sort of attitude. After a moment Sirius joined him on the ground. Then he abruptly stood back up, slapping his forehead in happy exasperation.

"What am I doing!" he exclaimed, drawing his reclaimed wand with a flourish. A quick wave and a pair of comfortable looking chairs appeared, one of which Sirius plopped himself down on.

"really settling in, aren't ya? weren't we going to go to some creepy old house?"

Bringing up his family home made Sirius scowl slightly. "Right, to Grimmauld Place."

"woah wait." Sans held out a hand, emphasizing his need for a pause. "you're telling me your creepy house is literally a grim old place?!"

Slowly, Sirius turned to look at his friend. His expression made it clear.

"Merlin's beard."

He had never realized.

Author's Note:

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Undertale.

In case you're curious, Perkins's wand is made of beech wood. Beech wands are best suited to tolerant individuals rich in understanding and experience. So, you know, he's just the type to keep an open mind when stumbling on a talking skeleton and an old co-worker/friend/escapee in an old storage room. No big.

Thanks for everyone who has reviewed! It's hard to believe that this little story I'm writing has picked up so many fans! I mean, as of posting this chapter there's over 18,000 views! I just—WOW! You guys are all awesome!

azuretoybonnie: Glad you're enjoying it! I have a vague plan for where this story is headed, so AU characters (while awesome) won't be showing up. They might crop up in off-hand references, though, kinda like Reapertale did in the second chapter.

No one important: In regards to your username, I'd bet you actually are. In regards to your review, thanks! Long reviews are amazing and great motivators. And the last line of last chapter... I can't tell you how many times I added and removed that 'you'. In the end I decided it sounded better as it is now, though technically incorrect.

See ya on the flipside, everyone!