A/N: For mashmaiden on Tumblr, who requested Deeks' thoughts as he traveled back home in "A Fait Accompli".
Deeks shifted in his seat, trying to find room for his legs, and grimaced as he inadvertently put pressure on his abdomen. God, something was definitely fractured or broken. He'd been hoping the pain would ease up after a couple days, but it had only gotten worse.
To think, he'd forced himself through this last day of training, not letting on that he was injured, and pretty badly at that, only to get kicked out shortly before graduation.
He made a bitter sound in the back of his throat and tucked his arms against his sides in the position that caused the least amount of pain.
No one would tell him what he'd done wrong; the associate director had just called him into his office and bluntly said he was dismissed and to pack up his belongings. When Deeks had numbly asked why, he'd ignored him and said he needed to be off campus by the end of the day. Deeks left in a daze, which quickly turned to anger (at himself) and self-flagellation.
The call to Kensi was one of the most difficult he'd ever made. She'd been so proud and supportive through the whole process and now he'd failed her. He'd failed Hetty. He failed himself.
His abdomen gave a sharp twinge again without him even moving and he was once again reminded of just another thing he'd managed to mess up. Maybe one of the instructors had caught onto his injury and decided that was the leverage they needed to get rid of him. Or maybe he needed stop lying to himself and admit that he'd never been good enough for FLETC.
He was an idiot for ever thinking that someone his age, who was more suited to playing homeless guys and janitors, would ever make it as a potential agent. It was just another thing to add the list: failing bar, fired liaison, impotent husband, and now a wannabe agent.
The pilot announced that the plane would be descending in 30 minutes and Deeks mechanically put on his seat belt, wincing again as it strained against his stomach. If he'd been paying attention, he might have noticed the woman sitting next to him give him a sympathetic look. But he was too consumed by his own thoughts.
As the plane landed on the tarmac, he glanced out the window. It would be the first time he'd seen Kensi in person in weeks. He dreaded and longed for the moment at the same time. She'd been so understanding, concerned, but encouraging on the phone. It made him feel even worse.
He knew she had to be disappointed deep inside. On top of everything else, now they'd miss their vacation too. Imagining it made him feel slightly sick to his stomach.
Pulling in a deep breath, he tried to calm himself and mask the true depth of his feelings. Kensi didn't need to see how upset he was. She didn't deserve that burden on top of everything else.
A/N: Was that angsty enough?