Chapter 20: Planning Dog Days

Remus finally seemed to be settling in to his new place of residence after a week of unnecessarily anxious unpacking. The first day had basically been him nervously asking if it was really actually honestly alright with them, and either Sans or Sirius giving the affirmative. For some reason, the werewolf must have remained unconvinced, given it would take him less than an hour to ask again.

He had claimed one of the larger bedrooms on the second floor, and the three of them had needed to work together to clear out all the dark nasties that had moved in while the house had been all but abandoned for nearly a decade. They had moved on with that particular venture to the library, which, Sirius claimed, was likely the worst of the lot. Something to do with all the dark magic tomes drawing creatures and such.

If it wasn't the worst, then Remus shuddered to think what the rest of the rooms could be like.

"got 'nother biter over here, moon-moon." Sans waved his hand at the wizard in question, a book still attached by paper fangs. One might not expect origami to be sturdy enough for such a thing, but one would be wrong. At least when magic is involved.

The nickname was new (mostly, as it was sort of similar to 'Moony') and Remus wasn't sure how he felt about it yet. It was likely here to stay, though, given his impression of the short magical… kid. He still couldn't say what Sans actually was, but since he looked like a kid on the surface, gosh darn it, that's what he was going to be called.

"Immobulus," Remus cast, freezing the violent literature mid-chomp. Another spell checked for what sorts of dark magics it covered and sorted it appropriately; they weren't getting rid of any books—that'd be a waste—but they were sorting out the darker stuff to be stored somewhere other than the relatively accessible library shelves.

Which is to say, they were being moved to the slightly less accessible library shelves near the ceiling, soon to be bespelled with security charms and so on.

"thanks." Sans checked over his fingers but apparently didn't find the book-dealt damage worth further notice. "i really need to learn that spell. blue magic works for freezing stuff in place, but i still gotta be careful with that."

The werewolf had been pondering the possible security enchantments to set up on the top shelves, but the secretly-a-skeleton's statement drew his attention. So, ignoring his internal debate between spell versus rune wards, he asked, "Blue magic? Does that have anything to do with that blast responsible for the brand new hole in the other room?"

"kinda sorta maybe?"

"I'll take that as a 'certainly'."

Sans snorted in amusement and, for once, saw fit to give some explanation. "blue magic's just a type, see?" With a relaxed wave that still had Remus gaping, even after a full week of living with him, he summoned up a small light blue bone. "i use it a lot for gravity manipulation, but lighter blue is more keeping stuff still and less throwing it around. the blast did have blue mixed in, but not too much."

Ever the curious academic, Remus couldn't help but ask, "Is this color magic only applicable to your spells, or does wizarding magic follow the same patterns?"

Before Sans could reply—it was an interesting question, and one he'd just begun to pursue himself—Sirius burst in with a great huzzah, then promptly tripped over his own feet. He fell flat on his face. Then, face still smooshed into the carpet, he held up a book and waved it in Sans's general direction.

"Behold!"

"yes, i see: a book!"

Turning his head so that he could give Sans his best unimpressed stare, Sirius chucked the book at the disguised skeleton. Sans blue-magicked it to his hand and, up close, recognized it to be the paired notebook Perkins had given them. Knowing that, it was fairly simple to guess the source of Sirius's excitement.

Opening it and looking over the latest entries, Sans, in an attempt at imitating Perkins's voice, read aloud, "'Expect your letter within a few days. Good luck, and I'm not sure if that's directed at you, Sans, or Hogwarts itself.'" He coughed, as if to clear the fake voice from his throat, and, with a nod, snapped the notebook shut. "ya know, that's fair."

Sirius rolled onto his back, pointing his arms into the air in a grand, all-encompassing gesture. "It's perfect!" His arms fell back to the floor with a soft paff. "Well, mostly. If only I, too, could join in the fun."

"why not?"

Remus, who had been the only one still trying to do the cleaning, decided it was a lost cause: this conversation was more interesting than old, maybe-cursed books anyway. Jokingly, he suggested, "Shame your Animagus form is a dog. You could sneak in if it were a cat or an owl. Or, well, a rat. That's clearly worked before."

"Merlin's beard," Sirius whispered, easily brushing aside the old anger at Pettigrew as the opportunity of that idea unfolded in his mind. He surged upright and spun around to face them. "IT REALLY IS PERFECT!"

Naturally, Remus was a bit concerned. "What?"

The energized wizard clapped his hands together with a sense of finality. "Simple! I shall be Sans's guide dog."

Now Sans was concerned. "my what? i'm not blind, paddy-paws."

"Sure, yes, fine." He thought for a moment, before just shrugging. "I don't know, if not a guide dog then maybe I could rig a glamour to…" Another thought struck. "I could be a tiny dog! Chihuahuas are sort of like toads, right?"

"no." Sans was absolutely sure of that. "chihuahuas are not like toads at all."

Taking an extra second to reconsider, Sirius had to concede that point.

Still skeptical of the entire doggy infiltration plan, Remus had to ask, "But still, a dog? Would that even be allowed?"

"Well," Sirius shrugged, "we could probably just fill out a special pet permission paperwork thing."

Remus frowned slightly. "Really? I didn't know there were forms for that."

"I mean, probably."

"Of course," the werewolf said with a shake of his head. "Yet another plan based on 'maybe's."

"That," Sirius corrected, "was a 'probably'. Big difference."

"so, how do i put this…" Sans ran a hand through the hair of his glamour, enjoying the tingle of strange magic across his phalanges. It was becoming a bit of a habit lately. "are you even house trained?"

Sirius gave a dramatic gasp and clutched at his heart. "How could you doubt me so? I can use a toilet!"

Sans looked to Remus for confirmation, and the studious man gave a solemn nod. "It took a while, I've heard, but Padfoot is perfectly capable of using the toilet. And yes, I mean as a dog."

"I put a lot of effort into learning how to do that."

"Merlin knows why."

"Because reasons."

Teleporting an inked quill to his hand, Sans reopened the notebook and jotted down a few lines. The magic on the page gave that odd ripple that told him that it had been updated in both. At the curious looks he was getting, the disguised skeleton shrugged and provided, "oh, just asking about pet paw-missions for the school—never can be too care-fur."

"Those were good ones," Remus said, and he clapped twice in appreciation. Only twice. It gave him enough time to come up with a reply pun: "You have real tail-ent."

"thank you, thank you. i do try."

Sirius looked somewhat doubtful at that. "Your speed leads me to think that it's not so much 'try' as it it is just second nature."

Sans just shrugged and grinned; puns were so ingrained that it basically was at this point.

Trying to pull them back onto the topic at hand, or at least a topic tangentially related, Remus started to ask a question. "With you planning to sneak into Hogwarts—"

"Is it really sneaking if I do it legally and in full view?" Sirius mused.

Remus ignored him, continuing, "—and I have no doubts you'll succeed somehow, so what will I be doing for a full year? I need to know if I should continue my job search."

"by all means, do so," Sans encouraged; he had more job experience than one might expect of him, given his lazy nature, and he knew all too well the stress of needing an income. "i mean, sure—you don't need to pay rent to stay here, but having spare cash never hurt."

It seemed that Sirius agreed with that sentiment, as he rather enthusiastically exclaimed, "MOONY YES. If you get a job, then I won't have to make due with my old stash. That cubbyhole's looking mighty bare right about now."

"I guess visiting Gringotts would be difficult, given that you're a wanted criminal." At his friend's suddenly gobsmacked expression, Remus suspiciously asked, "It would be difficult, wouldn't it?"

Sirius looked sheepish, one hand anxiously scratching behind his ear. "Alright, so I may or may not have a fairly effective disguise I can wander around in… I just didn't even consider that plan…?"

"you said that bank's run by goblins and not spellwork, yeah?"

Both wizards nodded, wondering what point this abrupt topic change would lead to.

"which means there's definitely people you'd need to interact with." He grinned and, with a shrug, added, "i just wouldn't bank on them not figuring you out."

"But would they care though, that's the real question." Remus wasn't entirely sure, but goblins tended to keep to themselves. Even the prospect of the reward for information on Sirius likely wouldn't sway them, since it's well known that goblins believe wizards are not to be trusted in matters of gold.

Apparently Sirius agreed. "It's not so much that they wouldn't know it was me, but more that they wouldn't do anything about it."

"ah." In a knowing tone, Sans noted, "apathy is a wonderful thing."

The trio fell silent at that, apparently not sure where the conversation should go after that stunning observation. Sans privately wondered if the timing of that pause could be considered ironic, given that lack of action and apathy go hand-in-hand. He decided it was less ironic and more awkward as the quiet persisted.

"So, Moony," Sirius began, breaking the silence with a request that—based on his cheeky grin—was said in at least partial jest. "If you do get a job, will you buy Sans's school supplies?"

Remus hummed, as if considering the option. "Perhaps… but I'll need something in exchange."

"oh? what do ya want?" Sans asked.

He got a one-word reply: "Answers."

The two who were in on the whole Sans-is-literally-just-a-skeleton deal shared a significant look. After a moment, Sirius said, "How about I give you an IOU instead?"

=X=X=X=

In the end, Remus did agree to an IOU: he got it in paper, signed by both Sirius and Sans. It described a very serious promise to explain all—and not just most, but all—the weirdness by the end of summer. Which probably meant he wouldn't get his answers until the day the Hogwarts Express left for the school, but at least he'd get them.

With July having come and gone with no answers and the end of August just around the corner, that prediction was looking more likely by the day.

Although, since procrastination and general laziness (plus the efforts to clean up the house) kept pushing back their visit to Diagon Alley, technically Remus had yet to actually earn the IOU. Sans had indeed received his Hogwarts invitation, and so they did have a list of what he would need… they just hadn't gotten around to actually getting those things yet.

"When exactly are you planning on getting your school supplies?" Remus finally asked one morning while they were all gathered at the table for a late lunch. Sans had only just emerged from his tiny closet of a bedroom, despite it being a couple of hours past noon. As an early riser, Remus had no clue how he did it.

"Some time before the first of September."

Sans was too busy drenching his food in ketchup to reply with anything more descriptive than an agreeing hum.

With a sigh that spoke volumes about how bothersome it could get living with two perpetually calendar-dumb individuals like Sirius and Sans, Remus said, "I should hope you're aware that that means you have less than a week to make the trip."

"Uh-huh," Sirius said, distracted by his sandwich. "Plenty of time."

After a moment spent chewing, Sans paused. "wait. first of september… less than a week… uh, wasn't something gonna happen this summer, paddy-paws?"

Sirius swallowed another bite before replying. "What?"

Now the kid looked positively concerned as he attempted to prod Sirius into remembering. "some sports thing? you said something happened, you know…" With the air of someone skirting around a secret via vagueness, he added, "from back when."

The wizard remained confused for another second, when all of a sudden something seemed to click. The color drained from his face. "Merlin's questionably stylish trousers, Remus!"

Caught off guard by his sudden re-entry to the conversation, Remus confusedly asked, "What?"

"The day, man!" Sirius was getting rather jittery. "What day is it?"

He was glad that he could actually provide an answer, even if he wasn't sure why it mattered. "The 24th." Since just the number didn't seem to be enough, he added, "Of August."

"Sweet merciful Merlin, we still have a day." Sirius all but sagged in relief, sandwich long since forgotten. "I still haven't figured out what to do about it though."

"About what?"

With a look that suggested that he thought the answer to be obvious, Sirius exclaimed, "The Quidditch World Cup!"

Author's Note:

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Undertale.

First off, apologies that this chapter is shorter than usual and (maybe) a bit filler-y. That's just how the cards fell, so to speak, and if I wanted to make it longer it would have been unmanageable for me to still stay on schedule. So yeah, sorry 'bout that.
Also I've updated/fixed the order of chapters 18 and 19. No actual changes to the chapters, just flipped where they were.

Many thanks to everyone who reads this story, enjoys it, favorites, follows, or reviews! You are all amazing, and I hope you continue to like this story as it goes on.

Spider's Claw: So maybe we won't be losing that Sans-Sirius banter after all! Well, I mean he'll probably be a dog most of the time, but dogs can be sassy too.

2104LM: Ah, yes—the Sorting Hat. Rest assured that I am very looking forward to writing that scene.

No one important: So actually I didn't know about the Book of Admissions and the Quill of Acceptance (yes, I've shamed my HP trivia nerd status). For the sake of this story I'm gonna leave it as-is, but thanks for telling me!

TheEscapedCharacter: Thanks for such a long review! I love reading what other people think might be coming up next, and it helps for inspiration when people like you point out things I hadn't yet considered. Fantastic points about Sans and justice, by the way. If I didn't already have plans… well, sufice to say you made a good argument for Gryffindor.

See ya on the flipside, everyone!