A/N: Content warnings - anxiety attack, mention of past rape

"You know you're not supposed to do that," Tolai admonished during their therapy session, mere hours after the stressful incident with Zenya. "It's going to come back and bite you in the ass. As it always does."

The sofa that Koko sat on was familiar. She slumped down with her feet planted on the floor rather than stretch out comfortably. "And what was I supposed to do, hm? Have a mental breakdown when I needed to focus on keeping Saph safe? Repression is survival."

"You're stronger than that. You can feel things without falling apart. You just don't want to. Every time we make some progress with this, something ends up making you backslide. What was it this time?"

Out of necessity, Tolai had been cleared to know about Saph's status as the Avatar. In fact, she knew more about Koko's life than anyone. But while she was a trusted confidante, she wasn't what Koko would call a friend, exactly. They never saw each other outside of these sessions.

"This whole thing with Saph…" Koko began, refusing to acknowledge that there might be something else throwing her off. She instead settled on an easier explanation. "Being around her has brought up a lot of things. Old memories."

"Memories of Korra? I can see how that would be challenging. And on top of that, you have more people in your life now, too. Someone from your past as Kiriko, plus another child who sounds like she's exceptionally frustrating, if what happened last night is any indication."

There was no sneaky smile in the vague comment about Valen. No mischievous undertone. Tolai knew nothing about her teenage crush on him. For all she knew, Koko had never once looked at a man—or a woman—with the slightest amount of interest.

"Yeah, sure," Koko mumbled with a dismissive wave of her hand. "I guess it all adds up."

"You've had a lot going on in the last couple of months. All the more reason to deal with your emotions rather than repress them. You know what will happen if you don't."

Koko remained surly and impassive until Tolai continued.

"Do you want me to help you do that now?"

"No."

Tolai gave her a hard look, but finally sighed in defeat. "Alright. But we've got to talk about something. Why don't we circle back around to how Saph's presence in your life is dredging up some old memories of Korra."

Koko really wasn't feeling it today. While she took these mandated sessions seriously, her heart wasn't always in them. The result was grudging and belligerent participation. "Fine. What about it?"

"Well, it seems to me like you might be struggling to reconcile your relationship with Saph and Kiriko's relationship with Korra. Your mother. It's bound to be a minefield of complicated emotions."

"I guess."

Tolai tapped her lips in thought. "Let me ask you this: Do you see Saph as a unique individual, or a vessel for someone you lost?"

"What kind of question is that? Obviously, I know she's not Korra."

"I'll rephrase: Have you had any genuine bonding moments with her that didn't stem from the underlying suspicion or knowledge that she was the Avatar?"

Koko opened her mouth but quickly realized she had no immediate retort. She mentally went through their entire history. Kiriko's acceptance of Korra's death had coincided with Saph's birth. The two events were inextricably tied together.

And then…meeting Saph years later. Wondering. Hoping. Dreading. Wondering some more. And then finally knowing for sure. Had it made a difference? If someone else had turned out to be the Avatar, would Koko have behaved differently towards Saph? Been colder or less attentive?

"I didn't want her to be the Avatar," she said slowly, almost as if to remind herself. "I did, but I didn't. I knew what it would mean, and I didn't want her to have that burden. Isn't that proof that I see her as her own person?"

Tolai smiled. "I think so, yes. Have you ever told her that?"

Remembering her conversation with Saph while flying on Palla, Koko grimaced. "Yes."

"I'm sensing a 'but'...?"

"But I was kind of a bitch about it."

"Ah. In other words, you have a knee-jerk compulsion to push people away whenever they threaten to get closer than you're comfortable with?"

The inflection at the end implied a question, but Koko knew Tolai well enough to suspect that it was performative.

"You know I hate it when you try to tell me what I'm feeling."

"Not telling. Asking–"

"Bullshit. You've psychoanalyzed me and made up your mind."

Tolai crossed her arms and sat back in her chair. "Am I wrong?"

I don't know. I don't care. It doesn't matter. "I'm not here to discuss my social life. I'm here because it's required of me, and for no other reason. Ask me about my past, my trauma, my anger issues all you want. That's why I'm here."

"Alright. Fine. You want to talk about your trauma? Let's do that. Are you prepared for me to be blunt?"

"Knock yourself out."

"One of the first things you suffered after your capture was being raped–"

The word flared white-hot in Koko's mind. "I was not raped. We've been over this before. There was nothing sexual about it. It was just a fucked up medical procedure."

"I'm sorry, but no." Tolai was pulling no punches today. "Words have meaning, and this particular one is not subjective. It doesn't matter how you personally define it. Rape does not have to have a sexual component. What you experienced fits the clinical definition. It can cause both physical and psychological damage. And there is a strong correlation between rape survival and fear of intimacy. There's a reason we use the words 'letting people in'."

"Would you fucking let that go?" Koko growled.

"Look, I haven't pushed this before because our sessions have always focused on helping you function in day-to-day life. And you've done really well. Made a huge amount of progress. But there's a shift happening in your life right now. I think it's time we move on from basic integration in society to full participation. If you're going to make any more forward progress, you need to consider that this particular trauma might be related to your unwillingness to genuinely connect with people on a visceral level."

"Maybe I'm fine with the way my life is. Have you thought of that? Maybe I don't want to have 'visceral' connections."

"And why don't you want to? Could it maybe, possibly, be because you're afraid that if you let people in and let them see the deepest parts of you, they'll reject you?"

"So I'm a coward? Is that it?"

"I get that you're frustrated and angry right now, probably because I hit a nerve. Please keep in mind that my goal is to help you in the best way I can. I hope that, by now, you have some trust that I know what I'm doing."

That was the worst part of all. Koko knew she couldn't simply dismiss her expertise. Six years was a long time to work with someone.

"This is probably the most challenging form of self-reflection," Tolai continued, "because it requires you to not only acknowledge, but also embrace, your darkest parts."

You mean the parts about me that I hate the most? "Embrace? I don't see how that's even possible."

"I know you don't. But I think that, sooner or later, someone will shine a light down that path. And you'll have to decide if you're brave enough to follow it."

Although the Beifongs were split between two adjacent apartments, Kian and Wei's was currently packed full of everyone for a rowdy brunch. Eleven people knelt or sat around a too-small table but Valen didn't mind the cramped space at all. This was luxury. The apartment had so many simple yet incredible wonders: heated running water, electricity, a fridge, even a radio and a television.

"You promised to explain before," Valen said when there was a lull in the conversation. Upbeat music played in the background. "About your names?"

"Oh, right," Opal began. "It's pretty simple: Here in Oldtown, we now feel safe enough to reclaim our old identities."

"We considered doing it years ago," Kian said, "after that awful business with Jinrai–" She cut off and put a hand over her mouth.

The whole table went quiet, which baffled Valen. Had she been about to reveal a secret? Something the Beifongs didn't want anyone to know?

Wei was the one to break the silence. "Anyway… It's good we didn't then. There was obviously still some danger, considering that Jupa was recently attacked. There's a lot more security here."

"It's more than that," Opal said, green eyes blazing with passion. "In Jupa, we lived as air nomads. Pacifists without formal government. That kept the blue sages from targeting us—for a while—but it also made us complacent. We weren't prepared for that attack. Here, we can fight again. Take a stand. I hate that they made me hide my name—my heritage—for so long."

Wei gave her shoulder an encouraging pat. "But we're not advertising the name 'Beifong' just yet," he said to Valen.

Opal shot him a frustrated look but didn't say anything. Fortunately, Kiloa interjected with a lighthearted comment and a smirk to match.

"I never changed my name."

Valen glanced over at her and smiled fondly. His memories of her were as Kyori's annoying little sister, but she was all grown up now—close to thirty, he thought. They didn't look much alike, but he could still see traces of Kyori in her vivacious expressions.

"Me neither," Raj said. "No need. Thanks for the boring, common name, Mom and Dad." He, too, was grown. Still, there was a certain boyishness in his mannerisms.

Everyone laughed, though it seemed forced. An attempt to push away the tense mood from before, perhaps. What had happened with Jinrai? Had he come back after all these years?

All Valen knew was what Kyori told him years ago, which wasn't much: He was the unfortunate and unexpected offspring of a reformed dictator and the fallen-from-grace eldest Beifong—the latter of whom was suspiciously absent. Valen didn't want to ask where Baatar was. Or the others. Too many had died. Their family had been so large and now there were only these nine left. Eleven with him and Zenya.

When had Jinrai disappeared? It was years before Valen came to Zaofu, he knew that much. Kyori said he was 'screwed up in the head'. Liked to torture animals and set fires.

Maybe Nani would know more. Or Koko. Not that she would tell me.

The two of them had been having such a nice conversation last night, and then he ruined it with that stupid comment about her family. Why did I say that?

But he knew why: because she'd made him nervous, dressed like that. There was no getting used to her body being on display for the world to see. Worried every second that his gaze might accidentally drift from her face. He didn't want her to know how weak he was.

"Valen?" Opal said.

He blinked and realized everyone was staring at him now. His rambling thoughts had made him miss a good chunk of conversation.

"Hm? Sorry, I was…elsewhere."

"Are you alright? You seem a little unsettled."

"I'm fine. It's just been a long month for me. Lots to think about."

They graciously left him alone after that, but Opal's daughter, Toph, pulled him aside afterward and handed him a business card.

"Nani gave me this. It's for a psychiatrist that helped me out when we got here. I was a mess after the attack in Jupa, terrified that something might happen to my daughter. Talking to a professional helped a lot. Maybe give it some thought?"

The card was very simple—just a name, a phone number, and an office number at the medical center.

Dr. Tolai Misaki

"I don't think I can afford this," Valen said ruefully. "They already told me I'm going to have to pay for some of the repairs on the train, once I find work."

"Tell her to bill us. I'll let my parents know."

"I can't accept that–"

"Shut up. Yes you can. I don't want to hear another word. You need this just as much as I did. Probably more."

He swallowed hard and nodded. "Alright. Thanks."

After enduring Tolai's verbal beat-down, Koko was in no mood to take her advice. Instead, she spent the rest of her day at the gym, effectively making it impossible to think too hard about anything. Her bending was back and her body was screaming to be used, despite being a little broken.

I'm just gonna have to learn to live with it. Just like I live with the constant pain from my other old injury.

And so she pushed herself to the limit. Hour after hour after hour. When she was gasping for breath, lungs on fire, she staggered back to Nani's house to take a shower.

The crash finally came while scalding hot water streamed down her face. Before Koko even knew what was happening, she was on the floor of the shower in fetal position. Every thought and feeling since running into Valen hit her all at once, flattening her like a boulder rolling down a mountain.

He's alive. Kyori Hunir Zira all dead. He's got his arms around me. Saph…missing. She's gone. They took her. Days and days. It's been too long. They're going to hurt her. Torture her. Shit. Shit! Nani's going to kill me. I can't believe this is happening. Bloated corpse swinging in the wind. Not Saph. We're catching up. Hope. An army of blue sages. I'll never find her before they do! Hurry hurry hurry. Valen can't keep up. He knows things and I want the ground to swallow me up. He's hurting so much. Zenya is all he has. So many blue sages. Someone's going to get hurt. Someone's going to die.

As the next memory hit her, there was only dark oblivion for some time. The water was freezing cold when she finally came to, spluttering and gasping as she crawled out of the shower. Her whole body shivered uncontrollably but she couldn't find the will to do anything about it.

S-so c-cold. Blood everywhere. Saph is the Avatar. Mom! Please don't go, not again. I already lost you once. Please don't leave me again. I'm not ready. I'm not ready to let go. I'm not ready to open up. Everything hurts and he's not the same. He's broken and sad. We're too alike. Raging storm and lightning, sucking the life out of me. Who am I without firebending? Nothing, I'm nothing. Just an empty husk.

On and on it went, beginning to end and then back again to pick up any bits that got skipped over.

"Koko? What's wrong?"

Mom? Did you come back?

"Spirits, what are you doing here?" Someone draped soft fabric around her body where she was curled up on the floor. "Can you walk?"

The voice belonged to Nani, Koko finally realized. Everything swirling through her mind distilled into a single word:

"Fuck."

"What happened?"

They managed to make it to her bed, though Nani had to support a good deal of her weight along the way.

"Uh– I think I overdid it today." Koko pressed a hand to her burning chest. "Can you make sure I didn't open up anything in there? Because it feels like I did."

"Well, you're not coughing up blood, so that's a good sign." But Nani put some healing water on her chest, anyway. "There's a little inflammation. You should probably take it easy for a day or so. Assuming you're capable of that. I'll make you some tea."

Once alone, Koko was forced to confront the meltdown. These sorts of episodes had happened occasionally in the last several years, but never this dramatically. The come-down was arguably worse. She felt so…empty.

Her earlier therapy session kept trying to invade her thoughts but she wasn't ready to tackle any of that just yet. Tolai had pushed too hard—much harder than usual.

She's wrong. I'm not afraid to let people in. I just don't see the point. Why should anyone get that much of me? I'm allowed to hold some things back.

"Here you go," Nani said when she returned with a cup of tea. "Half a spoonful of honey, just how you like it."

Koko sat up and closed the robe that Nani had dressed her in. While being exposed around Nani didn't bother her, she was feeling a little extra vulnerable right now. Valen undressed me when I was hurt. He said he didn't look, but he could've been lying. What straight man wouldn't take a peek at a topless woman if given the chance?

"So what was that all about? Seems like a little more than just being tired from working out."

When Koko's only response was to shrug, Nani sighed like a mother weary of her misbehaving child.

"Let me guess: You've been bottling everything up to the point that you gave yourself an anxiety attack? Mhmm. That's what I thought. You know you're not supposed to do that."

"Please, I get that enough from Tolai. Let me sabotage myself if I want to. It's not like I have to be responsible for Saph anymore."

"No, but maybe you've forgotten about the sixteen-year-old who now sleeps on my sofa…?"

"You said you didn't mind," Koko protested. "I asked and you said it was okay if he stayed here."

"And I meant it, but it can't be a permanent arrangement. He needs his own space. People need privacy, especially at his age. If you catch my drift."

"You're welcome to adopt him if you care so much. That's your thing, right? Picking up strays. You can add to your brood for another few months until he's an adult. He can have this room. I'll find somewhere else to stay in the meantime."

"You're obviously determined to be in a bad mood," Nani said with unveiled frustration. "I'll leave you to it."

She was gone before Koko could grumble a halfhearted apology. Nani was right about Shylo, of course, and thinking about that problem actually provided a nice distraction from…other things.

Guess I need to talk to the Council about getting an apartment. Shylo can crash there and look after himself. He's hardly a kid anymore. I'm sure he'd prefer some independence rather than have me or Nani constantly up his ass.

There's a meeting tomorrow. I'll go early and talk to Zhu Li about it.

Koko downed the rest of her tea. It was far too hot and burned her mouth and throat, but she didn't care. Feeling that heat inside her body was welcome, even if painful.

Hope I don't sleep too deeply tonight.

But she knew she probably would.

"You're early," Zhu Li said from her desk. She barely spared Koko a glance.

"I know. I wanted to talk to you before the meeting."

"It's going to be a doozy, I suspect." She stood with a sigh and smoothed the creases in her clothes. "You know, Nani did tell me about your suspicions regarding Sapphire before you took her to Republic City."

"First of all, she hates being called Sapphire. She goes by Saph and has her whole life. Secondly, I'm not surprised. Nani probably hoped you'd stop me. Why didn't you?"

"Because I didn't want to waste valuable resources training and protecting an unknown quantity. The rest of the Council would've scoffed at the idea of a natural-born firebender as the Avatar. As I did, when Nani told me. But I figured that, if there were any truth to your suspicion, danger would reveal it. And I was right about that."

Koko arched her brow, a little surprised even though she knew she shouldn't be. "A risky bet."

"Do you disapprove? You're the one who took her."

"And I stand by it. I probably would've died if I hadn't."

"Not necessarily. You have no way of knowing how events would've played out if she hadn't been there. According to your report, she was the only reason you even ran into Valen. Without her there, you may have continued on your way without him or the girl."

And Valen would still be in that mountain.

Had everything that happened been worth the consequences? She supposed so. Valen and Zenya were living a miserable existence, all alone in that cave. Now they were with family.

Still, in retrospect, there was no rational reason to have taken Saph along. Only a gut feeling. Fate taking her by the throat. Now she was damaged and distracted. More than usual, anyway.

"Saph is back now, safe and eager to be trained," Koko said. "That's what matters. I've done my part. But that's not why I'm here."

"I think I can guess why. It's about Nik's prototype, isn't it? You think it's too risky and will never work. If that's what you're here to say, I've already heard it–"

"That's not why I'm here. As much as I despise Nik, I have faith in his abilities. I'm sure he'll come up with something that works properly. Eventually. Saph has years of training ahead of her before she'll be able to use it."

Zhu Li glanced sideways with a regretful air. "We might not have years. But I—and the others—have no intention of bringing it up at this meeting. We have enough on our plates for the time being. But if you're not here about that, then what?"

"Two things. First—are you able to pull some strings to get Valen and Zenya approved quickly?"

"You're the fourth person to ask me that. I handled it, though not without some push-back. I hope I don't regret it."

"Oh. Alright." Satisfied, Koko moved on to the real problem. "Second thing—I need my own apartment."

"I was wondering when that might come up. Couldn't help but notice that you've acquired a mysterious dependent in your file. Is Nani rubbing off on you?" She sighed and went to a filing cabinet to look for something. "You know there's a housing crisis right now. It's either a one-bedroom apartment downtown…or the ghetto."

"The ghetto?" Koko repeated, though she didn't disagree with the description. "A politician being honest for once."

Zhu Li gave her a withering glare but didn't deign to respond.

"I'll take the apartment. We'll make it work." Because he'll be staying there unsupervised. Not that I'm going to tell you that. "I promised Nani that him sleeping on her couch would be temporary."

"Maybe you shouldn't make promises that rely on other people to solve your problems for you."

"Haven't I done enough for this city? Will nothing ever be enough? When have I ever asked for anything? I go to my therapy sessions like I'm supposed to. Anger management classes and acupuncture. I run all over the world, risking my life. I went to fucking Republic City for you, even though it was the absolute last place on Earth I wanted to go, and I found the–"

"Koko," she said sharply.

The soft noise of someone clearing their throat made Koko whip around.

"Ma'am, the meeting is about to begin," the man said to Zhu Li. Where had he materialized from? "Everyone else has arrived."

"Thank you, Orrin." To Koko, she said. "I'll see what I can do about your situation. Don't think I take your contributions lightly. And don't think I'm done with you, either."

Koko stewed on that ominous comment while the meeting went on. At first, she sat in her chair in brooding silence. Why am I even here? Because I 'discovered' Saph? Are they going to make me tell the story of almost dying?

She tuned in briefly when her ears picked up Valen's name. They were arguing about Zenya, of course—whether or not she was who he claimed she was. Which was a completely ridiculous question. Why would he lie? Mainly, though, they discussed prudence of allowing her to stay in the city. Saph actually jumped in to defend her.

Zenya really does bring out a bolder side of her, Koko reflected, deciding to stay out of it. The last thing Valen needed was for her to contribute her own doubts about his ability to keep Zenya properly leashed.

But then, of course, she had to put in her two cents when those idiots started jabbering on about blue sages.

"You're naive, all of you. Sitting here in your fancy clothes, sheltered from the world, with your heads in the sand. Do you honestly believe they haven't heard about the city?"

They didn't like that at all. More arguing. Koko actually had to participate now. They were all looking at her and she had to explain it to them like they were five years old. Were they really so divorced from reality?

Next came the 'how best to use our shiny new weapon' portion of the meeting. That set Koko's blood boiling. The worst part was that she knew it had to be that way. Saph wasn't allowed to be a regular person anymore. She had a duty to this shattered world. The practical part of Koko's mind recognized that, while the husk of humanity that remained in her thought it was disgusting. Couldn't they see the fear on Saph's face?

Koko turned her attention on Mara, wondering when she was going to explode. Any second now, by the looks of it. They were currently discussing the White Lotus' mistakes with Korra and what an alternative might be.

It happened only seconds later. Mara slapped the table and began a fierce argument that ended with her turning on Jojin over something that she really should've yelled at Koko for.

"You've been suspiciously quiet on the matter," Yanyu said to Koko, probably to move past the incredibly awkward moment. "What say you, Protector?"

The heavy word—spoken with scorn—hit Koko over the head like a sack of bricks. When her wits caught up with her, it all started to make sense.

That's why they invited me to the meeting.

…And it's why Zhu Li said she wasn't done with me yet.

But of course, Koko would never turn down such a position. In fact, she would've fought hard to get it.

"As I'm sure you're aware," Zhu Li said, "any final decisions regarding the Avatar will ultimately lie with us, but your recommendations will carry the heaviest weight."

Uh oh–

"You have got to be kidding me!" Mara screeched. "You're giving her the power to decide what happens to my daughter?! I can't– This– This is ridiculous!"

"Mara," Koko began in what she hoped was a diplomatic tone. "I know this is hard for you, and I promise I'll take your concerns into consideration, but haven't you seen the changes in Saph as a result of the last couple of months? Ido was right about Korra. She was sheltered for too long and it was a mistake. Both she and the rest of the world suffered more than necessary as a result."

Even as she said it all, she knew it was pointless. In Mara's mind, the only person qualified to protect Saph was Mara. Koko had already made enough mistakes—one—and that was it. No second chances in Mara's eyes.

Who am I kidding? Like it would make a difference. I could've kept Saph on a three-foot leash the whole time and Mara would still be throwing a fit.

And what a fit she was throwing. Her chair clattered to the floor and she stormed out like a petulant child. For just a moment, Koko caught a glimpse of the girl she had once been.

Jojin stood a moment later and came over to whisper in Koko's ear. "Can you do me a favor? Take Saph home with you after the meeting? Just for a few hours."

She gave him a brisk nod, hoping the arrangement wouldn't make things worse. But she forgot all about that when Saph's hands clenched on the table, blue eyes boring into the solid wooden surface.

"Is anyone going to ask me what I want?" she blurted once Jojin was gone.

She might make a good Avatar, yet, Koko reflected with a twinge of pride. "What do you want?"

Saph shrunk down in her chair. Simply asking the question seemed to have exhausted her shallow reserve of stubborn resilience. "I– I dunno. It's a lot to take in. Can I have some time to think about it?"

"Of course," Zhu Li said kindly before any of the other Council members could talk over her. "We have a responsibility to teach and protect you, but it's also important for you to have some agency. We're here to guide you, not control you."

Koko wasn't entirely sure that was true, even if Zhu Li was being sincere. She might lead the Council, but she didn't have absolute power over them. There was no way they would allow Saph to run wild and do as she pleased, at least not for the foreseeable future. The world was too fragile.

"Valen!"

He turned amid the shelves of boxed goods at the grocery store—which contained a greater variety of food than he'd seen in a decade and a half—to see Nani hurrying towards him and Zenya.

"Glad to see you're settling in," she said. Despite deep purple bags under her eyes, she appeared to be in good spirits. "My mom said they approved you and found an apartment…?"

"Yeah, it was…surprisingly easy." Valen shook his head; best not to question it. "We just got the keys about an hour ago. Are you alright? You look exhausted. Er– no offense."

Nani laughed. "I am exhausted. I just got off a sixteen hour shift."

"Oh, well, don't let me keep you. We can catch up another time."

"How about this weekend? Come over for dinner. You're welcome to bring Zenya." Nani smiled down at her. "I wish I knew how to say hello."

He nudged Zenya's elbow, hoping to at least get her to look at Nani, but she shrugged away. "She's in a bad mood. Usually is these days, unless Saph is around."

Nani tapped her lips and studied him with a pensive frown. "On second thought, why don't you come for dinner this weekend but see if Wei and Kian will look after her? I get the impression you two might benefit from a break. Fourteen years of being alone with each other is a lot."

"Yeah. It is." Am I horrible for admitting that? "Do you think she's sick of me?" he muttered.

"No, no, that's not what I meant." Nani gave him a weak half-smile. "She's a teenager. It's normal for her to want some space. Anyway, what do you say to dinner? I love to cook for people."

"Ah…sure. It'll be nice to have a night off. And I gotta admit, eating other people's cooking has been a nice treat. For me, anyway. Zenya's so picky." He frowned at the wide selection of ingredients. "There's so much here. I want to be able to make more balanced meals, but I don't even know where to start. My cooking skills are…limited."

"Oh, I have an idea! Come a little early, say around six? And we can cook together. I'll pick an easy meal to get you started."

"Alright." Without really thinking about it, he added, "Will Koko be there?"

"Probably. She usually sticks around when I cook." The mischievous twinkle in Nani's eye spoke volumes. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh–" Why did I ask? "Well, it's just that I think I ticked her off last time we talked. She might not be that happy to see me."

"Don't worry about it. She can be prickly, I know. We bicker all the time. All it takes is a good workout session or a shift at the power plant, and she'll get over herself–" A mighty yawn interrupted her. "Ah, Spirits. Well, I better get my shopping done and go. I'm pretty beat."

After they hashed out the details for dinner and said goodbye, he continued his shopping with a lighter heart. An evening away from responsibility… That really did sound nice. And Koko would be there. He wanted a chance to smooth things over.

Can't figure out why Zenya's pissed at me, but I can at least communicate with Koko. I won't let her distance herself, not after everything we went through. Why can't she see that I need a friend who understands? Who I can talk to about that stuff.

Zenya's sudden hand motions pulled him back to reality.

'Blue eyes,' she said with a questioning look. 'Same Saph?'

Does she mean Nani? 'No.' He wasn't even sure what she was asking, though perhaps she wanted to know if they were related, just like the Beifongs were 'the same' as her. That association seemed to have clicked in her mind.

There was nothing else he could think of to explain. Zenya made a frustrated noise and went back to sulking. Back at home, she stalked off to her bedroom.

"What am I doing wrong?" Valen muttered.

As usual, the universe gave him no answer. He looked around the small space. Although their cave had been much roomier, there was no stone here except for the tiled floor. The apartment was furnished, if sparsely, but there wasn't room for anything more than a sofa, another chair, and a tea table.

In the middle of that table sat the only decor in the whole apartment: the two pictures given to him by the Beifongs. Zenya had been enthralled by any and all photos, having never seen them before. Whenever they ate, she stared at them for most of the meal.

Valen sat on the floor and rested his chin across his arms on the tea table. Kyori. I wish you were here. I thought it might not hurt so much if I tried not to think about you, but now I see your face every day. And I wouldn't change that for anything. But it hurts.

He suddenly remembered the card Toph had given him, which was somewhere on the kitchen counter buried under groceries.

Maybe it'll help to talk to a professional. Couldn't hurt, right? Spirits, when was the last time I used a phone?

A woman answered when he called the number on the card. "Oldtown Psychiatry, how may I help you?"

"Hello, I'd like to make an appointment with Dr. Misaki."

"I'm not sure if she's accepting any new patients at this time. Were you referred by someone?"

"Yes, one of my in-laws. Toph Beifong. She was referred by a mutual friend, Nani Varrick." He couldn't help but name-drop. Surely, everyone in this city recognized her surname.

"One moment please."

For the next couple of minutes, Valen was treated to soothing jazz. The sound of such things no longer jolted him, having spent so much time with the Beifongs. There was always music playing in their apartment.

Kyori loved music. She loved to sing and dance, always teasing him about having no aptitude for either. Zenya loved it too, apparently. The first time hearing music at the Beifongs', she'd perked up and pranced around the room. Half the family joined in and Valen thought the dark days were finally over.

And then the downstairs neighbors had banged on their ceiling. The music stopped, everyone settled down, and Zenya had a minor meltdown.

At least she didn't earthquake the building.

He couldn't figure out where she'd learned how to dance. Who was she emulating? There was never any music in their cave. He didn't know how to make it.

How often did she leave? Every time I went to Makapu? Did she meet others?

"Dr. Misaki speaking."

The voice pulled him back to the present. "Er, hello. I was hoping to get an appointment, if possible."

"My secretary said you know Nani?" she asked, proving his earlier suspicion.

"Yeah. She's an old friend." An old ex, actually. Feels odd to think of her that way.

"You're in luck. I've got an opening next week. Are you hoping to set up something regular? I wouldn't normally have space to offer that, but your timing couldn't be better. And any friend of Nani's will always have priority in my books."

"...Sure," he said hesitantly. "Might as well."

"Great, I'll just get your info down…"

The next morning, Valen was heading for the kitchen when his front door opened abruptly. In walked Zenya with Saph and Jojin on her heels.

"What–?" He was speechless for a second or two. "Where– Where did you find her?"

"She came over for a visit. Walked in like she owned the place," Saph added with a good-natured smirk.

"Shit. I didn't even see her leave. I thought she was in her room."

Her relaxed expression fell into a sullen pout when he got up and stalked over. Preferring to reprimand her in private, he thanked them and pulled her down the hall to her bedroom.

'Bad!' he signed emphatically.

She immediately burst into silent tears and fell face-first on her bed, shoulders heaving. Valen swallowed hard.

Was I too harsh? He sat down next, hand on her shoulder, but she rolled away from the touch. "Hey. Look at me."

Spoken words would get her attention most of the time, even if she didn't understand their meaning, but right now she seemed intent on ignoring him. And so he waited for the meltdown to run its course. Eventually, the tears faded into fitful sleep.

It'll get better. It'll get better. He repeated that many times over the next few hours. Just gotta get over the hump. I'll talk to Dr. Misaki. Zenya will start learning real sign language. It'll get better. It will.

Koko started to hand Shylo the key, but pulled her hand back at the last second. "Do not fuck this up for me," she said sternly. "This is my apartment, and I'm allowing you to live here by yourself, assuming that you have the maturity to do so responsibly."

"Yeah, yeah, relax. I was living on my own in Jupa for months. Stop worrying."

"You'll need to get yourself to school. On time. You understand that, right?"

Shylo rolled his eyes. "I don't see why I have to go to–"

"Because it's the law. You wanna live here, you have to go. Period."

"Alright, alright. I guess at least I can make some friends there. I'll go through the motions if I gotta."

"Good." Koko nodded and dropped the key into his open palm. "There's some money for food on the counter. It needs to last the week. When the phone gets hooked up, don't abuse it. It costs money, same as everything else."

He'll be fine, she told herself as she left for the gym. Saph's scheduled training session was in two hours but she wanted to get in a bit of solo exercise first. He's almost an adult, anyway. Just gotta get through the next few months and then he'll be legal. Not my responsibility anymore.