chapter 27:
As Kara was walking back through the gardens, she could not help but ponder. The interview with the king had gone quite well, all things considered. She had been tense and had felt cold sweat running down her back, her shirt clinging to her skin. She had kept second guessing herself, making sure nothing could be wrongly interpreted as flirting. The king's eyes had stayed fixed on her face as she explained what she planned over the coming weeks. He interrupted her now and again to ask a question or two. Once she had finished the king had been quiet, his mind churning. " So, you are asking that I give you my blessing for you and the Grisha to practice...on the people of the city?". She winced at his formulation. " I will be careful that only full-fledged heart renders and healers accompany me to town. It would be providing medical care free of charge". The king snorted, " Good luck having the commoners agree to be manipulated with Small Science. I would be surprised if you had any patients in a month's time". Kara shuffled in her seat, " Are you then denying the training program I have set? Without practice a healer is...dangerous at best." The king pondered, tugging on his beard. " I am uncomfortable with the idea. If a problem should arise, my guards will not protect you. Some of these streets are home to thieves, smugglers and cut-throats. If you anger them, I will not defend you". Kara was angry, " May I remind his majesty that It was HIS intention to train Grisha, not mine".
The King smiled wearily, " I do know that. I would hate for anything to happen to you. I am a pawn of politics and my ministers would agree to any chess move to make the shadow summoners and his Grisha fall. I will be powerless to oppose them If the opportunity is to present itself." He gently placed a hand on hers and she stiffened. She could feel the needle in the cuff of her wrist pinch her skin. He whispered, " Lady Kara, I know you distrust me. No doubt general Kirigan has given his explanation of our aggressive negotiations with each other. No doubt he may have made me a lustful villain in his tale." His eyes flickered down her form. " Believe me lady when I say that I am a patient man. I would want us to be friends, if you would let me. However, I cannot be there for you if you place yourself willingly in opposition to me". He removed his hand from hers and she began to breath again. " Is that a disguised threat your highness?", Kara whispered, pale. He shook his head, " No, I do not have to issue any threats. It is a king warning that you will have only once. You may go into town as you have asked and you will agree to the constraints. No interventions after dark and no interventions of any kind on the royal family or relatives".
Kara was again surprised by the turn of the conversation. " My lord?", she frowned. He was colder now, his jaw clenched. " I know you have talked with the queen at the ball. I believe she may have asked you to look into the case of our youngest. I will demand that you lend her a kind ear and do nothing". He raised his head in a commanding air. There was no charming smile or wink now. " My daughter has suffered enough. She had been probed, pocked and bled. Of all the physicians who have tried, none have been able to find the origin of her ailments. I have accepted her fate and have decided to enjoy her presence whilst she is with us." He looked sad and tired, " My wife, as a dotting mother, cannot accept that we must lose our daughter. She will never give up, despite my pleading. Be kind to her, but do NOT approach my daughter. If you do, so help me, I WILL know of it. If harm comes to her, you will see that I am not just a monarch looking after his people. I am also a father who will have vengeance for his children".
Kara stopped in front of a white rosebush. Had she expected to be warned off into inaction? No. She had failed to take Alexhander's warning. However, call it vanity or too much confidence, Kara dared hope she could find something to help the princess. Even if only to relieve her symptoms or ease her daily life. She shut her eyes and breathed in the perfumed air. The king had mentioned that the threat towards the shadow summoner came from his ministers, as if he himself had no more than a few tense discussions with his counterpart. Was it true? Or was it another veiled lie? Why had I expected for people to be plainly good or bad? She thought. Her conclusion was that she had spent too much time in the army where war made things binary. People were more complex than that. Now that she had heard general Kirigan, the Queen and the King, she no longer knew who to trust or believe. She still belived her best chances were with general Kirigan. However she vowed not to be blinded, for her own safety. Being an orphan, she was used to making her way alone in the world. If she needed to play the political game to be safe, then she would learn quickly and get out.
She closed her eyes and breathed in the fragrant air again. In a few days she would be tested as a novice teacher. She knew her program was a good one. She had worked hard for it to integrate Small Science as well as the newest scientific notions. She had pondered late at night on how to make it as lively as possible, alternating between theory in the classroom and practice in the infirmary or in the city. She had written to Seraphine and Yurii to start whispering that new care free of charge would soon be available for those brave enough to submit to new practices. Seraphine had answered positively as well as inviting her over for tea. My old bones ache to see you darling, she had written and Kara's heart had ached happily. She had scribbled a short answer. When is tea in three days? she had replied, and sent it through a stable boy in need of a few coins.
She opened her eyes again and realized she was hungry. Indeed her interview had lasted longer than expected and she had not gone to her room as planned. If Alexhander had read her note, he would be worried, if his headache allowed him to leave his room. Just as she was about to leave the garden, her eyes caught darkness moving between the pillars of the small palace. The shadow summoner was making his way assertively towards the palace, the cape over his kefta bellowing after him. He seemed angry. She feared he would storm the palace asking where she had been held. "Alexhander!" she cried, waving her arms. His head turned swiftly in her direction. Once his eyes had recognized her silhouette, the darkness around him receded. He seemed to sigh in relief and slowly made his way towards her. As he arrived at her level, she noticed he looked unwell. His eyes were masked in shadows and a permanent frown seemed edged in his brow, as if to keep at bay the light and a throbbing head. " Are you well?", he asked her. She chuckled, " I should be asking you that questions". She hesitated before adding, " I'm sorry if I was too intrusive yesterday. I can be hot headed when I feel in danger. I only meant to understand what troubled you". He did not respond right away. He looked away massaging his brow," Why is it you are apologizing when I am the one in the wrong?". She waited for him to continue. He sighed, " You do not have to apologize to me Kara. I do. And because of my self pity I left you to fend for yourself this morning." Kara waved away his comment, " Have no fear. It went rather well. My program was accepted with a few new constraints to integrate. Nothing that will do any harm". The shadow summoner presented his arm stiffly, " Walk with me? You can tell me about your interview. Maybe the sound of your voice will change my focus so that my head might stop its incessant hammering".
Out of reflex she stretched out her arm and placed the back of her hand to his forehead. The general did not pull back, although he was surprised by the gesture. She ignored his restlessness and also checked his pulse. Once that was done she pressed a finger to the skin of his wrist and watched as the imprint of her thumb slowly dissipated. She huffed, " You are dehydrated. Of course you would have a chisel and a hammer to your skull." She looked at him reproachfully, " Let's make a deal. Let's have lunch in the kitchens. you'll be able to recover from your hangover with few witnesses and drink plenty of water while I eat. I'm famished and I have no conversation on en empty belly". The shadow summoner smiled in such a genuine manner, Kara was taken aback. It was thrilling to see the change in his features. he almost looked younger. The smile quickly vanished as he must have thought it was unruly of him and he nodded. There was still a trace of amusement at the corner of his lips. " your blunt honesty will never cease to surprise me lady Kara. Then yes, it is a deal".
They sneaked gently into the kitchens, to the point that the cook gasped and held her chest when they both appeared. Once Kara apologized and explained, the cook agreed to feed them at a small wooden table close to the fire. The setup was more rustic than in the dining room where they usually ate. The general seemed out of place but happy to be taken out of his habits. He saw that the cook teased Kara and Kara answered back with easy banter. Kara whispered something in the cooks ear and she nodded. Soon after, a steaming mug of water infused with herbs appeared. Once the mug was set on the table, Kara pushed it towards the general, " drink". He looked suspicious, " How do I know you are not trying to poison me?". Kara chuckled, " relax, I'll have one with you if it reassures you. It's just a mixture of Thyme, roseroot and meadowsweet. It's a good hangover cure". She asked the cook for another jug of steaming liquid. Having no form of appetite, he drank the infusion slowly as Kara ate her meal. Between bites, she explained the exchange she had with the king. She left out his doubts concerning their relationship, as she did not yet know what to make of it.
Once she had finished, the shadow summoner leaned back in his rickety chair, deep in thought. " It was as I suspected. The king and queen are not aligned as to what is best for the princess. You will have to be careful. Tread lightly and do nothing". Kara threw the napkin she had used to wipe her mouth in a ball in her empty plate. " That is not the first time I've heard that today. What if I could find a way to help? Is it not worth it? The king might forgive me if his daughter is in better health after my intervention". The general shrugged. " Maybe he would. but would you wager your life? Yours that is so short and not yet to your 27th birthday?". He looked at her sadly, " Kara, you have your whole life ahead of you and many lives that will benefit from you living. To not throw it away recklessly by reaching too high". Her fingers drummed around her cup of tea. " What lives am I saving while I am stuck here otherwise? I can barely leave the palace without a chaperone and the infirmaries have their doctors. I am left with teaching for the next 3 to 6 months".
Alexhander intervened quickly, " And that is a challenge enough. Do not forget that you will have to get both my approval and that of the king to validate the training program at its end. And you will not have that approval if you do not gain the respect of your students". He leaned forward, " Is it not thrilling to think that maybe, you might change the course of how healers and heart-renders are trained for the next decades? If you pull this off, I will make sure that your efforts are carried on, despite you leaving to regain your position in the army. It will be your legacy". Kara's heart accelerated. It's as if he had found something that was echoing inside her. She felt unstable and started to fiddle with the splinters on the edge of the table. She suddenly felt very vulnerable. She knew why. She had wanted to tell him something by the fountain when he poured his bitterness and anger in front of her. Instead of avoiding it, she decided she wanted to shed part of the weight. She looked into her cup, " A legacy...indeed that would be wonderful. It might be the only one I have." The shadow summoner frowned and waited. Kara licked her lips and her eyes stung. " I too cannot have children".
The shadow summoner was shocked. For a moment they could only hear the cook and the scullery maids bustling around and the crackling of the fire. The warm light made Kara's eyes sparkle. Her tears were on the brink of release but stayed firmly attached to her blue eyes. He leaned forward to whisper, " How do you know for certain?". Kara felt a little lighter. She had not confided this to anyone, not even to Seraphine. Why now? why him? " She swallowed the last of her drought and coughed, " I know a few signs. I have very irregular bleeds. I have fewer than 8 cycles a year, give or take. from what I've read in the university library many years ago, that and my sleeping disturbances are often symptoms of infertility. Plus, I have had a few relationships and none have given rise to a pregnancy". Alexhander nodded slowly. " I have had time to come to terms with my incapacity to sire children. It took me a lot of time. I had to find other equally important ambitions to fill the void. I can only share my sympathy and say that it can be a good thing not to bear children".
Kara was startled, " Why would it be a good thing?". Alexhander's head turned to the fire, half of his face basked in shadow, " At least no one can hurt you through them. My mother used to say she would have left Ravka in blood and rubble if anything were to hurt me. Lucky for her, I can perfectly fend for myself". Kara sniffed , " So you are saying, without this form attachment, I can live my life painless?". Alexhander nodded, " No one will break your heart like a child that loathes you. And a parent cannot outlive a child without being left a hollow shell. That is what I have been told. Therefore, most of the time, I am glad to have none". Kara shook her head, " I would rather feel pain and feel more alive. For me having children is the purest form of love. I would have given much to have that experience". She sighed, a single tear running down her cheek. The shadow summoner did not know what to do. Her vulnerability was palpable and her pain radiated so that his own chest felt heavy. He almost felt breathless. he reached a hand out and held hers across the table, " What can I do?". Kara looked up with a fragment of hope, " Can...can Grisha healers do something...about my condition?". The general Grisha grimaced, " I am afraid our Small Science cannot do anything against hereditary...predicaments". Kara shut her eyes and tried to swallow the sob that wanted to escape her lips.