Chapter 31:
Time seemed to have a different flow that night. It was as if Alexhander and Kara were in a bubble of their own making. A bubble over which time had no hold. Describing the nights events was trivial. They had diner, played Chess ( to which Kara lost many times) and talked. They learned more of each other. Alexhander learned of Kara's time with the hermit, secluded in a harsh cold environment and of her travels abroad. He listened to her description of landscapes and seascapes on the other side of the Fold with intent. His own travels were limited, Kara learned, because he was a shadow summoner. The general had explained, " You see, when my ancestor birthed the Fold, it was a part of his own fabric, his own Small Science entwined with Merzost, a darker form of magic. All following generations of shadow summoners cannot step into the Fold without being some form of beacon for the Volcra. If I stepped into it, I would endanger myself as well as the others traveling with me". Kara shuddered. She had never stepped onto one of the Sandskiffs to cross to the other side. She had bypassed the unsea by going up high into Ferdja, up to the northern capital. All she had heard were terrifying stories of what was inside the Fold. " what do volcra's look like? What are they?". Alexhander's eyes twinkled with anger, " The Volcra are damned souls of men. Merzost transformed them into foul creatures. They resemble giant bats with razor sharp teeth. They are blind and partly deaf. However, they have an incredible sense of smell. They are very efficient hunters and they are always starving." In that moment Alexhander won the chess game. " Instead of asking a question can I ask for a promise?", the general inquired. The healer was puzzled but nodded all the same. Alexhander shuddered, " Promise that you will never take part in Igraya Smrak". Kara was unfamiliar with the term. " What is it". Alexhander put away the game of chess, " It is a form of hazing Grisha students do. They convince themselves it is a form of right of passage. I have banned the practice but I know it still happens. Promise me you won't partake." His tone was pleading as she had never heard it. What could cause the general to be so afraid? Kara shrugged, " You do not have to warn me against the Shadow Fold. I'll keep clear away from it. You have my word".
Once Alexhander was reassured, he asked her about what she had preferred or detested during her wonderings. She recalled in amusement her kidnapping by a gang in Ketterdam, where she had been brought blindfolded into a house to deliver a baby. Once her intervention had been successful and both mother and baby were healthy, she had been blindfolded again and abandoned in a dirty alley. She also described with awe, the most beautiful sunset she had seen in the Southern Colonies. The general listened intently, drinking her words. He sighed, " I wish I could still be moved as you are by the simple things of the world. Once you have lived as long as I, everything is... a repetition. The thrill of the new is as rare as a solar eclipse." Kara leaned forward. Both their chairs were very close, their knees almost touching. The healer was troubled, " When was the last time you experienced newness? Is it not a decision to SEE something as new? Each person is different, each wave has its own course, each bird song an intricate tune". The general listened and nodded, " Perhaps you are right. Perhaps I no longer take the time to appreciate them".
Kara had tilted her head, " Are you afraid to die?". The shadow summoner raised an eyebrow. " No. I have proof enough to know that I am very hard to kill. And I cannot die of natural causes. So no, it is not a thing my mind dwells on". Kara looked at him, " Then that is what has cursed you in finding newness. I on the other hand am terrified at the idea of dying. Every time I heal someone I realize how LUCKY I am to be healthy and whole. Each moment I have a chance to live will never happen again. If I count the remaining summers of my life, I know I will probably have twenty or thirty more good sunrises. Only a few more crisp sounds of snow under my feet. Only a few more precious moments with friends and lovers". Alexhander closed his eyes and took in a shaky breath, " It is the one gift of mortality yes. Perhaps the only one. How I thirst for it at times...".
Kara hesitated thoughtfully, " What If I could promise you something you have never seen before?". She grinned, " Would you be willing to trust me? Would you follow me without question?". The general coughed in discomfort, " This is hypothetically speaking? I doubt you could propose a thing I would never have encountered." He shook his head sadly, " As much as I care about you, I cannot afford to trust anyone fully. I have to remain safe. I have to stay alive until...until the sun summoner appears. I have to do it...for my forefathers before me". Kara sighed, " If you cannot trust me then at least accept to follow me alone to a place without question. I hold the place I want to show you close to my heart. I would have to make sure you could not find it again". Alexhander chuckled, " So you do not trust me either?". Kara shrugged, "It's only fair don't you think? Have you never loved anything so dearly you would protect it jealously?". The general looked at her intently, " It happened once. A long time ago. And despite my efforts, I lost what was dear to me. I do not think anyone can protect anything for long".
The healer grabbed a fresh log and placed it on the last smoldering ambers. Her eyes sparkled with the reflection of the incandescent flicker of fire. " If you cannot swear on your life that what I would share with you would remain hidden, I cannot provide this newness you crave". She was very serious now as never before. Alexhander's curiosity was caught. What could Kara be willing to share that could be so precious to her? The moon was high in the night at that point. Alexhander looked at it and wondered when was the last time he had spent hours without end talking to someone. It seemed forever ago. He turned again to the healer, " I am...conflicted". Kara caught his hand in hers. " Why is that?" she whispered. The outline of his face flickered with warmth and intermittent darkness. The general took in a shaky breath, " I am not known to be reckless. Ask any of my colonels or Coporalki. I have been able to survive by being careful. I assess each situation carefully before making a move. It is only in great anger that I have made less than recommendable decisions." His thumb gently caressed the top of her knuckles. " However you intrigue me. I so desire to feel ALIVE. For one moment to remember that the world can be beautiful. If I agree to this, know that it will happen only once. If indeed what you wish to share is unique, I will forever be in your debt". He placed his other hand on hers, as one would make a promise. " I swear that your safehaven will be kept a secret." Kara shook her head, " That is not enough". Alexhander was startled, " What would you have me promise then?". Kara was silent for a moment, two fingers drumming on her chin. " If you accept only once to step out and trust me with your safety, I can only accept ONCE to show you what I have to share. You will not seek out that place once I have taken you there. you must accept to be lead blindly. You must accept to be blindfolded. On no other condition will I accept to do this."
The shadow summoner was tense and cold. " You are asking me to follow you alone and BLIND? Do you realize what you are asking?". Kara knew what it was costing him. He had told her that his trust had been broken many times. That he was almost drowned, buried alive and tortured because he had let his guard down. What was she doing? Why did she yearn to share this once a year rare event with HIM? She had never done it for anyone. Why now?". She looked at her night-time companion. He looked frightened and vexed. " I know what I am asking of you. There is no obligation to my proposal. It is only a colorful distraction from your exceedingly long and...as you make it, bland routine of a life". She leaned back into her chair, " You do not have to reach out and meet me halfway. I would understand. Only...I know you want to". Alexhander's voice was dangerously calm. " What makes you so sure that your...distraction is worth being vulnerable and without protection?". His eyes searched her face, hungering for her response. She placed a gentle hand to the side of his face and murmured, " We cannot ever be sure of anything. I cannot promise that you may not already know of the experience I covet and protect. All I know is that when I experienced it, I was moved to tears and that it is now a founding memory I cherish". She placed her other hand to his cheek, pushing away a black strand of hair. " I do not wish to hurt you Alexhander. I would never propose anything to anyone which might place them in danger. So if you feel that my conditions are impossible, then nothing has to happen".
Alexhander pulled away and thought carefully. Was he ready to try again? To trust in another person? Would it be folly to follow this young healer blindfolded? He knew he could fend for himself. However, even the strongest of men could fall in the right circumstances. The general sighed, " May we talk of this opportunity on my return? Things might be clearer then". Kara warned him, " What I have to show happens once a year on the eve of Sankta Marat. If your mission let's you return in six weeks, then yes, it is a possibility." The general would only have two weeks near the Shu Han border to find an explanation for the ghost of a camp he would visit. He doubted he would make it back in time, but his mind took note of the date. " We'll see then. I'll send a messenger prior to my return to Os Alta if I am willing and on time". Silence followed as both contemplated the coming morning.
Kara began to fiddle with a button on her military uniform. The general had noticed she did that when she was nervous. Alexhander murmured softly, " What are you thinking?". She blushed and stopped playing with her uniform. " I was thinking that it was very late and that you might want your sleep before sunrise". The general's mouth twitched with amusement. " That is no reason to be nervous". Kara felt awkward suddenly. " Perhaps, I wonder how I can rest here until morning without impinging on your personal space". The healer"s cheeks flushed further when she realized his shoulder's were shaking with silence laughter. " Then let me make it simple. I do not mind sharing my bed with you. I have been more intimate by conversation with you than with most. I can have your heartbeat next to mine, so you can cool that charming blush". Kara breathed easier. If he was comfortable with the idea then so be it. Getting ready for sleep was awkward and both decided to sit on their side of the bed facing the opposing wall. They could both change without the other prying. Kara removed her army uniform and remained in her cotton shirt and undergarments. Alexhander changed into lighter nightwear.
Kara quickly slipped under the sheets before the shadow summoner could finish dressing. She remained facing the wall, very aware that this was an arrangement. They would in no other condition share a bed unless constrained to. Therefore, she had no right to stare. She felt the sheets move and the shadow summoner had also slipped into bed. " You may face me if you wish," she heard him whisper. She turned around. He was laying on his pillow. It was hard to see in the darkness but she could guess he was gazing at her. She placed her hands under her own plush headrest. " Are you taking a healer with you to the South?" she whispered. Alexhander chuckled, " Are you worried about me Lady Kara?". She was silent for a moment, " You are my friend, so yes I am worried". Alexhander leaned forward and came to rest his forehead against hers. He sighed happily, " Then friend, I promise to return to you safe and sound. In the meantime, please write".