chapter 47:

Kara woke up feeling sick. Was it apprehension in meeting the crone who had terrified her months ago? She knew it was not only that. As she took stock of her reflection in the small mirror attached to the inn's quaint bedroom wall, it was hard to recognize the woman looking back. Her face was still bruised even if her closed eye seemed less puffy. She had become thin, as all forms of meat had been impossible to consume since the mare she had seen ripped apart by a Volcra. Kara had found that even the smell of animal flesh cooking was repulsive now. Despite almost seeing her ribs through her skin, she felt heavy...as if all her limbs were made of lead. How she wished she could sleep. Even in the nights where the nightmares had left her alone, she woke up exhausted.

As a healer she tried to take into account her symptoms but it was hard to place a diagnosis. She was probably still under shock after the attack in Os Alta. It was not helping that she felt Alexander draw away from her. Her heart was torn. Her mind uneasy. She had not forgotten her promise to the princess. Yet...now that she only had one good eye, would she be able to operate even if it was technically feasible? Kara sighed and shook her head. Ania was right to be worried. There was too much for her to think of. Yurii under her care...Timofei to keep safe. Once she was back from their trip with their answers she would ask for a few days off. She would leave Os Alta with her adoptive son and retire to the mountains in the north...maybe the hermit would welcome them into his cabin...if he was still there.

Timofei could see that his road companion was in no mood to talk or take breakfast. He therefore wrapped a few fresh scones from the inn into his bag and they set off early. As they finally reached the outskirts of the woods that Irina had described, they saw no house. Puzzled, they searched but found nothing. The Tailor frowned. " This place feels...odd". The healer felt it too. She looked at the quiet pines. " Why are there no birds?", she murmured. They tied their horses in the prairie, to the branches of a strong oak. They had no better idea than to wonder into the forest. Once the first line of trees passed, it was terribly dark. One could almost wonder if night had not suddenly dropped upon them. Instinctively, they aimed for a patch of light further in. After several minutes of slow walking, they came upon a clearing with an old hut. It reminded the healer of her years with the hermit. It was modest, well kept and tucked away to be ignored. The owner of this place was to be left alone and probably detested visits.

As they courageously made their way to the door, Timofei suddenly froze. Kara was still adjusting to seeing only through one good eye and was oblivious to his change in behavior. He quickly grabbed her arm and dragged her unceremoniously behind the hut. Before she could protest, the door flew open. Alexhander stepped out into the clearing, his mother in his footsteps. Kara's breath hitched in her throat. So...this is where he had gone. It seemed almost comical that they both made the same decision unbeknown to one another. Yet, Kara did not call out. There was a definite tension present between the shadow summoner and his mother. Alexhander's jaw twitched and his eyes were cold. Baghra seemed tense and defensive. The Darkling spoke " Well then, do you have nothing else to say? Will you not tell me why you lie?". Baghra looked at her son and swallowed hard. " I know nothing of use to you. What I withhold is my own past decisions which are my own", she said. The Darkling was almost curious to ask what she meant by it but held his tongue. It was no use trying to pry what she had decided to keep secret. He laughed coldly, " well then, this visit will have been of little use to me. Goodbye mother". With a swish of his cloak, he disappeared into the thick canopy of trees. Baghra waited until her son's outline vanished before turning on her heels and heading back inside her home. She felt exhausted and unsatisfied by their exchange. Little did she know that rest would not meet her yet.

Kara took two deep breaths before she knocked on the wooden door. She stepped away quickly, standing by Timofei with trembling hands. When the grey-haired witched opened the door, she looked at them solemnly." What is it you want?", she spat. It was a moment before the shadow summoner recognized the immune wench. Her face was difficult to recognize under the bandages. Her eyes narrowed in recognition. Kara's breath was ragged. She looked intently at the ancient Grisha. She mumbled, " I need to know what I am". The older woman nodded and turned to Timofei, " and who are you?". Timofei bowed, " Mamasha, I have come to accompany the lady Kara. If I may, I would ask you about the blood oath that binds me". Baghra cocked her head to the side. She walked closer to him and seemed to sniff the air about him. He waited patiently. Baghra grabbed his hand and concluded," You are a Tailor...and a powerful one at that. Strange that you should be bound to your polar opposite". She turned a shrewd gaze to the healer beside him. She chuckled, " Why should I come to your aid ? Have I not warned you to stay away from my son? I have learned that my advice was not followed. pity...".

Kara nodded. She added gently, " You have no reason to help either of us. I was hoping that you, as powerful and knowledgeable as you are, you would have some inkling as to my origins. If I am of any danger to those around me, I would like to know." Baghra sighed and seemed to take a moment to think. She was still very beautiful. In that moment, her face was strained. She shook her head, " Alright then, come in for a cup of tea". The visitors would both learn that the tea was both sour and earthy. Baghra rubbed her tired eyes and began, " Before we go into what I have found these past few weeks, I must go over a few principles that my son has a tendency to forget. Nature requires balance. Anyone meddling with that balance often pays the price". She looked into the flames of the simmering fire. She murmured almost to herself. " My father was not a loving man. However, he did teach me a few valuable lessons. One of them, was that I could favor a powerful child by choosing a powerful Grisha as the father. He had done so himself with my mother. And his mother had done the same prior. Thus, over generations of Grisha, our bloodline was shaped. Little did my father know that nature's balance was already threatened by my existence. I was already too powerful in the order of Small Science. Therefore my parents were punished with producing a second heir with absolutely no powers, my sister". Baghra pulled a strand of hair gone astray and placed it behind her ear. " My father spent his free time experimenting with Small Science. For many years, he dabbled into darker forms of magic called Merzost. One day, after a terrible accident of my making, he vanished from my life". She held her cup sadly, " After that I wondered the world, protecting myself as I could. The ungifted were more cruel and vindictive at the time. Being an amplifier, I was always in danger. Then one day, I met the most powerful heart-render I had ever encountered. I decided I would carry his child. Then, I would guarantee the power and safety of my baby".

She swallowed hard, her eyes beginning to sting. Kara opened her mouth to ask a question but the crone cut her off at a glance. She hissed, " I will NOT be interrupted. Long have I held this secret and it is hard to birth out". The healer closed her mouth and stayed quiet. Timofei grimaced at the tea. The shadow summoner continued. " When Alexhander came of age, he left me to wonder the world and make something of himself. I agreed with no resistance. He had become the most powerful Grisha who ever lived...but at a price. He came back to me decades later, troubled and depressed". Her eyes twinkled with tears, " He had fallen in love several times, with several women over the years. Despite attempts, he had been unable to bear any children. He asked me if there was a problem...with HIM. I knew not what to say. So I went looking for my father". She stopped for a moment, pained in the memory. she continued, " I found him in a secret lair of his making in the dying southern forest. As I told him of his grandson's predicament he revealed what I knew in my heart. I had gone to far in producing too powerful a Grisha and nature had put a stop to it. By my ambition, I cursed my son into infertility".

The old crone's eyes were wet but she kept on her tale. " I cannot describe the guilt I felt in that moment. I was horrified. I begged to my father to help me. I could not go back to my son and reveal such a terrible outcome. My father only laughed and revealed that my desire was folly. That it would take the darkest Small Science and the least ethical meddling with life to counter this curse. In that moment, I did not care. I begged him to try..." Baghra began to rock in her chair, " What a fool I have been! I knew not what my father was capable of. For decades I heard nothing and was unable to find him. I told nothing of my bargain to my son. My son moved on and so did I". The crone stopped rocking and lifted her head slowly. And then, just three months ago, I met you". She shook her head, reliving her disbelief. She pleaded, " When I touched you, I felt suddenly as if my veins were plunged in ice. No hum of Small Science...just a void of silence in your cells. However, I could not ignore the signature of Merzost in your foundation. I knew that my father had something to do with it".

She stopped and drank a sip of her tea. Her voice was hoarse, " I rushed to his secret lair but found no trace of him. I know now that he has been dead for many years. However, I found his notebooks and his trials to counter my curse. He tried for many years... stealing ungifted girls from their homes and submitting them to the worst tortures as he deprived their bodies from the trace of Small Science that is life. All died. Then one day, his trials changed. He looked for bloodlines with even smaller traces of our magic. He turned to the isolated people of the northern tundras. He ventured far into the permafrost to Elbjen where he found a village of Grisha-fearing Ferdjans. They were known for sacrificing any Grisha descendants, so that they had selected their children to possess less and less Small Science". Kara had not noticed that she was cradling herself, her arms wrapped tightly around her torso. Her breathing felt short.

Baghra locked eyes with her. She whispered, " I know not exactly was happened. I can only deduce from his notes that he kidnapped a girl child from that village. He then submitted the child to the same violent experimentation...and it worked". The temperature in the hut was dropping, the air thick with darkness. Baghra cried, " His notes ended saying that he had left the child with a hermit, being uninterested in her education but only to ensure that she would make it to adulthood. He indicated then, that he had laced the child's blood with the murmur of Merzost...so that the bearer would cross paths with my son". Baghra wiped her leaking eyes angrily. She croaked, " His theory was as follows. If nature could not bear that my son could produce another powerful Grisha, than maybe nature would accept a match that would only bear Otzakazat'sya or a bearer of lesser magic. An immune woman, would be able to bear my son a child". Kara's face was laced with horror as Baghra finished. "There you have it. Alexhander knows nothing of this. My guild is my curse. You were built by my demand. You were made to bear children to my cursed son. Forgive me."

Kara suddenly felt blind. Her functional eye had blurred over. She stumbled haggard from the hut and wrenched the little liquid she had in her stomach. She found herself on all fours...bawling like a wounded animal. She wept with fury. Her world had imploded. All this time, she had thought herself a free and independent soul. She had only been the tool of a cruel experiment. Timofei knelt by her side, unsure how to come to her aid. He had gathered her healer's bag awkwardly and followed her urgent exit. Kara cried out, " Will the Saints give me no respite! My life has ripped from me, for the sake of an egoistic mother's desire!". She spat this in the direction of Baghra standing at the threshold of her hut. The Grisha looked exhausted. She could not deny the healer's anger. Timofei placed a gently hand on Kara's heaving shoulder. He murmured to her ear, " If the possibility of a child is not what you desire, you can still remove yourself from all this. You can leave. Separate yourself from the darkling". If only he knew...