Chapter 9

...

It's very late when Trinity exits the infirmary, but she opts for a quick hot shower, paying attention to her bandaged forearm. She definitely deserves it. It's been a very long day. Back in her quarters she's tempted of going right to sleep, but she hates going to bed lately. It's weird how things work. She's been alone her entire life, just being self-sufficient for a long time... but, now, she doesn't feel complete anymore. The night is the most difficult part of the full day. She can afford daytime, working even more than she used to, just to keep herself busy, avoiding her mind from thinking. But night, night is different. Silence wraps everything, and yet her brain seems to yell into her skull. Sleeping has become a hard task. She misses Neo in her bed. Not sex, she misses him... his arm wrapped around her waist, his breath on her nape.

There's a bottle of sleeping pills on her nightstand, but she refuses to take them unless it's really necessary.
She needs to take her vitamins instead, something she often forgets since she keeps them hidden into the dresser. She takes the bottle and a clean sweater, then reaching for the pitcher of water she uses to keep on her desk.
It's empty.
She runs a hand in her still damp hair, remembering she has taken a mental note to fill it in the previous morning, obviously forgetting it.
Fine, going to bed can wait, not that she's longing to do it.

The ship is wrapped in a dim bluish light, lightened just by nocturnal LEDs.

All the crew is sleeping, except for Vik who's sitting at the operating station doing his night shift tonight. It's not really necessary in peace time, but old habits are difficult to leave and they all feel safer in having someone monitoring the ship during the night.
Trinity doesn't stop there, she's not in the mood for chatting, and she goes right to the mess hall.
The metal door creaks like usual and Trinity gives a little start meeting a pair of dark eyes which suddenly look up at her.
Neo.

"Hey," Trinity says "I thought you were sleeping"

"You should be too" he replies with a little smile as she nods giving him a half smile in turn.

"Can't you sleep?" She asks, looking at him as he drinks the last sip from the cup in front of him, then shaking his head in a 'no'.

"What is it? Persephone still haunting your sleep?" She tries with a smirk, in an attempt to relieve the tension she can feel in the room "Most men will pay for that kind of dream"

She smirks, trying to sound teasing and doing her best against the bad feeling of him having a sex dream with that so-called woman.
Neo smirks in turn, not meeting Trinity's eyes though, his serious eyes still focused on his empty cup.
He sighs.

"Yeah, maybe"

Trinity's eyes turn serious mirroring his, and she sits down in front of him.

"If you want to talk about it..." she says, somehow fearing her own words.

"It's not the dream in itself," he says looking at the cup between his hands "it's what I feel"

Trinity moves nervously on the bench, somehow relieved that Neo is not looking at her, so he doesn't notice it.

"What?"

Neo looks up meeting her eyes for a moment before looking down again.

"You can tell me. I promise I won't judge"

He knows it. He doesn't know how and why, but he knows he can trust her. He feels it.

"While I'm kissing her it's... I don't know... I feel like I'm giving her whatever I have, like I just want to be his, and her to be mine..."

Trinity swallows hard at his words, like reliving that moment, and like she did in that exact moment.

"I feel like she's the only place I want to be, my safe place... then, I open my eyes on this beautiful woman, pleased by our kissing... her dark languid eyes in mine... and I feel -"

He stops, shaking his head.

"...nothing. I feel nothing..."

Neo shakes his head again.

"And it doesn't make sense to me. I just want it to make sense"

Trinity just stares at him. One of Neo's hands is now on the table, palm down, and she has to restrain herself from taking his hand, covering it with hers.

"Well, all I can tell is that... it wasn't about love. She asked you for a kiss, a true one, in exchange she gave us information, Neo. Nothing else"

That 'us' escapes from her lips but he doesn't seem to notice.

Neo shakes his head with a bitter laugh this time, looking up to meet her eyes.

"Well, it looks like the worst hot dream ever then"

Trinity couldn't help but giving him a little smile in turn, till Neo's smile disappears from his face as fast as it has come. And he sighs.

"What if my memory doesn't come back anymore?"

Neo's fingers are wrapped around the cup, his eyes look up at her.
Trinity hesitates. She wants to tell that his memory will come back soon, but she never lied to him and she's not beginning now. Omitting things maybe, but not lying. And the truth is she doesn't know.

"You'll create new memories, Neo. You'll live your life"

...'with or without me in there' she thinks.

Neo nods, just in a not very convincing way. He hesitates.

"Anyway, I'm not the only one who can't sleep. What's about you?" He says after a moment, looking at her as Trinity shrugs "Bad dreams?"

She shakes her head.
... 'missing you' she wanted to reply...

"Not really" she just says instead.

Neo stares at her and decides not to push the subject. After two drinks, alcohol is beginning running in his veins and he's not sure he's clear-minded enough for a proper discussion on serious subjects with her.

"I'm going to have another drink, do you want one?" He asks standing up to take a cup for her before she can reply. He's at his third cup, but he doesn't mind about being drunk tonight.
Funny! He'd say he's drinking to erase bad memories, but he has no memories at all actually.

"I'd better have a tea," Trinity says "I just had an anaesthetic, a painkiller and an anti-tetanus dose, I'm high enough for tonight. And you should be careful with that stuff"

Neo smirks and nods, turning to the counter to make her tea.

"Yeah. Strong stuff" he smirks, letting out a chuckle which makes clear to her how many drinks he already had.

"As Captain I'm purposely avoiding reminding you that stuff is not allowed on board" She says raising an eyebrow as Neo turns to meet her stare.

"I'd be scared," he gives her an impertinent look this time "if I were one of your crew members"

Trinity gives him a piercing look that melts in his dark eyes though, and she rolls her eyes at him at the smirk he gives her. Her mouth curls up in turn.

"Anyway, Captain, you're right" he chuckles again "this stuff's good at most for degreasing engines... and killing brain cells," he giggles again.

Trinity's mouth open instead at the sound of Dozer's words from Neo's lips. He's not supposed to remember Dozer. But maybe he just heard it from someone else... Link maybe. He's the one distilling it now, Dozer's recipe.
She just watches Neo's back as he makes her tea. She misses him in a way she can't explain. She misses every little thing of their relationship. She misses the smell of his skin, the touch of his fingers... But she can't impose herself to him... if he knows about her... about them, he'd feel compelled, and she's not going to force him into a relationship he doesn't remember.

... then I open my eyes on this beautiful woman... and I feel nothing...

What if she forces him in their relationship and he feels 'nothing'? She's not sure she can handle it. Even less now.
And her stomach twinges at the mere thought of it, a bad feeling she has to smooth resting a hand on there for a few seconds.

Neo's hand rummages in the cabinet above the counter, taking two filters of synthetic chamomile and melatonin and then filling two cups with hot water. It looks like he decided listening to her and having a tea instead of another drink. He adds sweetener just in one cup and a shot of cold water in the other one, then placing this second one in front of Trinity.
He stops at the look in her eyes realizing just in that instant that he's somehow gone on autopilot, giving her what is her usual way to have a tea. No sweetener, a shot of fresh water in it, so it's warm but not hot.
Trinity's lips are still parted, her blue eyes still locked with his.

"I really don't know where it came from," Neo says as Trinity doesn't answer and just takes her cup from his hand, whispering a 'thank you' which it would be louder if it wasn't for the sudden lump in her throat.

She takes a long sip knowing it won't be enough to relax her tense nerves, but trying her best anyway, and she watches him as he just looks at the steaming cup in his hand instead, too hot for safely drinking it without burning his tongue.
He smells the flavor coming from the pale yellow liquid, like pondering if he likes it or not, and blows on it, then it takes a sip meeting, from over the rim of the cup, the blue eyes which are intently looking at him, somehow curiously looking at him.
A grimace appears on Neo's face as soon as the hot liquid makes contact with his taste buds and he lets out a loud sound of disgust, meeting the little smile Trinity's trying to restrain by biting on her lower lip.

"You knew I hated this, right?"

Trinity just gives a nod once more trying to keep back a giggle, but succeeding just partially.

"Sorry"

She just says, now meeting Neo's amused look.

"Well, now I know I hate chamomile" he declares like stating the basics "Is there any fundamentals I should know too?" He says it ironically, but actually he's aware she probably knows a lot about him.

She knows a lot, he knows nothing, both about himself and about her.
He turns to the sink, pouring the content of his mug in there, and filling another cup with Link's liquor.

"I'd better play it safe" Neo says, sitting down again in front of her and taking a long sip.

"Not that safe. Neo, go easy on that," Trinity tries again, but he just gives her the same look of a boy throwing a tantrum, finishing the whole cup in a very long sip, grimacing again as the alcohol almost burns his throat.

Trinity gives him a fiery glance he seems to ignore.

"Fine," Trinity says standing up "I'm going to bed. Are you going too or are you determined in marinating your liver in alcohol?"

Her tone is sharp this time, and she just walks to the counter, behind him, to wash her cup.
She glimpses at Neo as he stands up in turn, in turn approaching the sink to wash his own cup. He lightly sway, not drunken enough for unsteady legs, but probably enough for his head to spin a little.

"Oh-ho," he giggles "now I know I can't handle liquor. Did you know this one too?" He says, his tone cockier than his usual.

Trinity glares at him, remembering the only time she got to see him like this in Zion. After the awful headache of the morning after he had declared he was done with home-made liquors. Not that he can remember obviously.

"Just Link's one" she says in a flat tone "What wasn't clear of more than '70% alcoholic'?" She remarks rolling her eyes "You had what? Three of those? Personally one of Link's drink is enough to get me out of order, Neo"

Neo smirks at her words, somehow lost in thoughts.

"Did I ever see you out of order, Captain?" He asks curiously as a somehow smug look passes in his pretty dark eyes.

Trinity holds back a smirk.

"No," .. well, not that kind of out of orders at least "Believe me, alcohol doesn't get the best out of me" She adds shaking her head.

"Maybe,"

He says, not fully convinced by her words, somehow curious to get to see the uninhibited version of her.
He doesn't say it out loud, but the way he's looking at her now is enough to make her almost blushing as a warm wave moves from her chest to her neck and down to her abdomen. She has to look away from his stare.

"Er... it's been a long day. We both better go and get some sleep" Trinity says and Neo just nods, taking a step back to let her go ahead.

She does it, smiling lightly to herself at the memory of how many times he had told her it was not just because of chivalry, but to have a better view of her ass.

"Has your ship always had slanting corridors?"

Another whispered giggle comes from behind Trinity's back as they walk along the dark corridors toward their quarters.

"Shut up and just keep putting a foot in front of the other one"

She just replies, but she's not as angry as she should be with him.
She stops in front of the door of her quarters.

"Sure you can find your own bedroom?" She asks clearly making fun of him as his room is just a few doors ahead.

"I'd better not ending in Oak's bed," he giggles "unless there's other fundamentals about me I ignore and I should know"

Trinity bites on her lower lip keeping back a smirk.

"I'm quite sure Oak is not your type"

He seems pleased by her answer, and once again his deep dark eyes triggers a warm wave in her chest.

"What's my type?" He pushes as the alcohol in his blood clearly makes him more unashamed.

"Uhm... you're drunk, go to sleep" She says ignoring his question. She's not going to talk about this now. As to highlight her own words she puts a hand on his chest, lightly pushing him and inciting him to take the few steps to his own room.

Maybe because of his alcoholic rate or because of her sudden move, but he's caught off guard and the light pushing is enough to make him unsteady, he almost trips on his own feet and he loses his balance, dangerously wavering back and gripping Trinity's forearm to prevent himself from falling back. Trinity's movement is exactly equal and opposite to his, she quickly grabs his arm pulling him forth, toward herself.

She's almost slammed to the door by the weight of Neo's body, and she just stays there, motionless, trapped between the cold metal surface and the warmth of his body against hers.

"Shit. I'm sorry" Neo whispers almost voiceless. But he doesn't step back mesmerized in that feeling. Nor she pushes him back.

They just stare at each other. Dark eyes in blue eyes. Their faces so close to each other that she can smell his scent and he hers.
His eyes move from her eyes to her lips, and then again to her eyes.

"You're so damn beautiful"

He whispers as the look in his eyes suddenly change as he realizes he just said it out loud. But he can't look away from the blue of her eyes, where he can see her pupils dilate.

"Neo. You're drunk. Go to bed."

He's not drunk enough not to notice the hint of hesitation in her voice. He knows he should take a step back, but she's like a magnet to him and he can't move.
The connection between them is something he can't explain. And her body is really giving him conflicting signs... from her lightly flushed cheeks to her dilated pupils and accelerated breathing.

"Neo, again, you're drunk, go to bed" She repeats, slowly pronouncing every word staring at him, trying her best to keep her self control.

Yes, he's drunk. She's repeating it to herself like a mantra in order not to let go to that closeness. Her body needs him so much it almost hurts. But she's not giving up to the ancestral need which sex is. Sex is easy. But she wants more, she needs more. And he's drunk.
She can smell the scent of alcohol in his breath.
She can't do it.
She places both hands on his chest and he's forced to put a few inches between them.

"You're not clear of mind. And I neither. I'm going to bed, and you too" she says making it clear for both of them.

He doesn't complain and takes a step back, then another one. She's still looking at him and he at her.
Then his body wavers and his hand finds his forehead.

"W-what was in there?" He stammers as his body wavers dangerously this time and he takes a step forward trying his best to reach the wall in front of him for support.

"Holy shit"

It's Trinity the one cursing this time as Neo's hand misses the wall. She succeeds in grasping Neo's arm before he can fall, face forward. His face hits against Trinity's shoulder instead as she does her best to keep him standing.

"My head spins" he whispers.

"Yeah. I can tell"

If it wasn't because of worrying she would have add an epithet to her words.

"Do you feel sick?"

She asks as he shakes his head in a 'no'.
... yeah, no, for now... she says in her mind.

She wouldn't succeed in helping him toward the toilet anyway. She can do it if he collaborates in walking, but not if she has to hold his full weight completely. He's taller than she is and heavier.

Neo's body waver again as she tries to put his arm around her own shoulder, steadying him a little. She glances at the door of her own bedroom and then at the bottom of the corridor, where Neo's bedroom is.

"Ok, c'mon"

Trinity says, wrapping Neo's arm more around her own shoulder, holding Neo's chest with the other hand. Her hand leaves him just the time enough to open the door of her own bedroom, then she helps him in walking inside, and lets him fall down on her bed.
Neo's body goes limp on the mattress and Trinity just looks at him, already halfway between consciousness and unconsciousness. She just unbuckles his boots, letting them fall on the floor, and settles his legs better on the bed, then covering him with a couple of blankets since she didn't succeed to put him under the sheets.

She glances at Neo once more before leaving the room and coming back a few minutes later with a cup of water. She takes two tablets of Tylenol from one of her drawers and put them on the nightstand.

"You're going to need it tomorrow, love" she whispers, knowing he can't hear her, his breathing calm and deep.