Hi everyone.

Let me just say, I've enjoyed writing for scandal immensely. But this is it. You can blame my most recent "guest review" on 'streets' for it. The guest has been managing my twitter activity and since she concluded that I am not coming back to my stories because of my activity twitter, I am going to do just that. I am uploading this chapter because I was already working on the chapter, but after this no more...I'm not trying to get personal but you have no idea what I am going through. I have been a covid nurse for over a year, I've been doing this while also going to school for my master, while also spending time with my family. To sit behind your phone and act as though you know my life? The entitlement!

I'm just flabbergasted. And stunned at the audacity. So if you guys find "winesogood17' on twitter ask her to update streets and the rest of the other authors stories.

Take care.

Muse.

Previously:

"Hey Quinn." Abby greets her walking into QPA.

"Hey Abby, how's the White House!" Quinn asked excitedly

"Busy, the President has been very busy." Abby answers jokingly referring to the President's sleeping arrangements

"Yeah, I'm sure Olivia has him stressed out."

"Speaking of Olivia, have you heard from her? Seen her around?" Abby asked looking around Quinn to get a quick peak of QPA, and hopefully a sighting of Olivia.

"No." Quinn shakes her head. "I just assumed she was with you or something."

There was an uneasy feeling, washing over. Her stomach dropping to the floor, her heart beating so profoundly out of her chest that the sounds vibrates to her ears.

"Hey Abby."

"Hi Jake."

X

She eyes herself in the mirror. Turning to her side she examines her profile. With coiled tight curls, loose-fitting black panties, and a sports bra. She is positively different. Her once small bump has now emerged and the child growing inside her will soon be here. There is a sense of dread when she thinks about her impending motherhood journey. Not that she isn't excited but she's scared. Fearful.

Fear, of being a failure, of ruining this child the same way her parents ruined her. What if she can't handle it? What if she's not enough?

"Carolyn!"

"Yeah." Olivia jumps at her name being called

"I was talking to you!" Alice screeches annoyed that her friend was ignoring her again.

"I'm sorry, Al. I'm just caught up in my world." She takes a sip of her decaffeinated tea.

"Well, I was saying that we should all go to a gym. Or a hike you know?"

"What? Why?" Olivia asked confused

Alice looks at Ryan for help.

"Oh. Right." Ryan answers " so you know, we just want to help each other and like Alice has gained some serious weight so you know, we thought if we did it as a family we are more motivated to make positive changes."

"I'm not fat!" Alice yells

"Acceptance is the first step." Shane answers

"Well, we all can't be a twigs-like the two fatties over here." Alice rolls her eyes throwing daggers at Shane and Ryan both are ridiculously skin even though they eat everything and rarely exercise.

Olivia looks at the group and starts laughing, laughing loudly to the point that tears threaten to fall.

"What's funny. Cause Carolyn you are eating your pain."

"I'm not eating my pain."

"Have you seen you?" Alice retorts.

The group noticed a change in Carolyn but they decided not to ask and overstep as she is the newest member of the group. But they saw subtly the weight creep on her until now they had no choice but to intervene. Carolyn's nose grew wider, her lips became fuller, her hips wider. If she kept this going she would be needing to be rolled out.

"I'm not fat," Olivia answers with a small but firm voice.

"Car…you aren't skinny. Not anymore. and look that's okay, if you are happy with your body we will support you but we just want to know if you are okay." Ryan answers honestly.

"Yeah…we just want to make sure you are okay. That's all. It's a place of love." Shane answers empathically with her hands covering her heart.

"I appreciate the concern and the love but I'm not fat," Olivia promises them.

"So what are you?' Alice asks cause from where she's looking, she's not a supermodel.

Standing up from the table, her arms reach up to remove her coat. With a flick of her wrist, her coat slides down, revealing her loose floral dress. Cupping her stomach, she turns to her side to enhance the image for her friends.

"What!"

"I can't believe this!"

"I knew it."

"This is so exciting! When did you get knocked up?"

"Wait!" Alice yells from the breakfast table, not caring that everyone in the restaurant is looking at her.

"Start from the beginning and don't miss any details!" Alice squeals with excitement.

With a true smile, Olivia places her hand on her stomach as she feels her baby move inside her. And begins to tell her story.

/

"Mr. President…" Abby runs after him as he speeds walk into a briefing.

"Did you find her…" he cuts Abby off, his voice is cold, removed.

"Sir…"

He stops walking "Did you find her!" he yells not caring who was around.

"No," Abby whispers

"Do you have anything new?" he takes her silence as a no. "Then do not talk to me unless you do. I want her back. I want her safe. Go." Fitz demands storming into his briefing.

"Where are we?" Fitz asked sitting down at the head of the table.

"Not much sir. We are looking."

"Where are the agents on her case?"

" We spoke to them, and have an affidavit….there is some highly sensitive information that I feel would be best discussed in private."

"What's sensitive?" Fitz asked looking at the group of men.

"Mr. President, I will talk to you about this in your office." Cyrus pleads

"Olivia Pope has been missing for six months. I found out two months ago….." Fitz stands up "why did I find out two months ago!" Fitz yells "I am the most powerful man in the world, yet I can't find my ex-girlfriend! I don't care what you have to do, but you find her! And you better pray that she is safe otherwise you all will be gone." Fitz walks out of the meeting. How can he be a failure as a boyfriend, and as president. Olivia Pope disappeared and he never knew. The world was moving on without her, yet he's stuck waiting for her once again.

He tells himself he's not being irrational during the meeting. That his actions are warranted. No one else is looking for her, but he is.

He's scared.

He lost Olivia Pope once, he can't lose her again. Not like this. Not after what happened between them. The things they said. The things they did…He doesn't want that to be their last time. It can't be.

"Mr. President…" Cyrus walks in the room finding a sulking Fitz on the couch nursing a drink at ten in the morning. His president is falling, and it's his job to reel him back in. To keep the country afloat and safe.

"What do you have."

Cyrus moves to sit beside, Fitz. "this is the affidavit from Olivia's security detail the night you two broke up. I have not read it." Cyrus hands Fitz a sealed envelope with personal details, so personal that even Cyrus won't look inside.

"Thank you, please leave." Fitz walks over to his desk.

"Sir."

"I need to be alone, Cyrus!"

Without a word, Cyrus walks away and closes the door behind him.

With trepidation and fear, Fitz ghosts around the sealed folder, afraid of what he might find inside, but fears not knowing to be far worse.

/

"You're pregnant."

"I'm pregnant," Olivia says aloud for the first time. She smiles to herself pleased with how freeing it feels to say. She feels the weight on her shoulders slowly melting away. The acknowledgment that she is carrying life into this world, that this no longer has to be her secret.

"Wow!"

"I get to be an Earth mother!" Alice says happily

"What's an earth mother? Olivia asked with a giggle

"I'm the Godmother except I don't believe in God."

"Oh. Absolutely! You all are going to be aunts and an uncle."

"Do you know what we are having?" Alice asked excitedly

"No."

"Why not!" Ryan shouts

"Because I was scared…I just didn't think it was real and I didn't want to lose him or her before I had the chance to know her so….I thought if I kept my distance I wouldn't be affected if something happened…"

"That's sad, baby." Ryan answers "what makes you think you are going to lose your child?"

Olivia's eye water "I've lost everything and everyone I ever loved before so…..I didn't want to get my hopes up and dream."

"Listen, whoever is in there is going to be so fucking happy to have you as their mom," Shane answers, easing Olivia's worries.

"Do you mean it?"

"Fuck yeah. Car, you are so patient and funny, and surprisingly understanding. I mean you put up with all of our shit, and you are always there for us. This kid is lucky to have you. You are going to be the best parent. I wish I had a parent like you."

Olivia reaches over the table and hugs Shane, embracing her new friends as the family she created and wants to have.

"Does the father know?" Ryan answered.

Olivia's eyes veer off to the window, "No…I think about him all the time. How excited he would be….how he would hold my hand when I'm scared, buy me a Slurpee when I'm craving ice. Massage my swollen feet. Encourage me that this is our dream…"

"Why don't you call him?" Alice offered

Olivia wipes her lone tear "it's not that simple." Olivia shakes her head empathically "I can't tell him…"

"Why not?"

"Because he would come for me, for us…"

"And that's a bad thing?"

"It's not." Olivia promises "but it would never just be us. He carries a lot of baggage…I can't protect this baby with him…"

"You don't trust him to protect you guys?"

Olive plays with her ring, her lips begin to tremble "I trust him more than anyone else in this world." Olivia whispers "but sometimes love isn't enough…"

"I wish I can meet him." Shane offers and she means it truly. To be loved by someone like Carolyn tells her that this guy must be a great guy otherwise she would have never loved him.

"Me too."

"Is it the President?" Alice asked recalling the story Carolyn told them long ago.

"Yes." Olivia smiles through her tears "It's the President's baby."

"Wow…and he's married?"

"Alice, shut up!" Ryan hushes her

"I'm sorry…"

"Don't be sorry. I'm fine. We are going to be okay." She rubs her stomach "right little one?"

"Yeah, we are going to be good. I am going to be everything I can be for him or her." Olivia answers her question. She's determined to be better, she will be better.

"Well that settles it, we are having a gender reveal and next month a baby shower!" Alice slaps the table with excitement.

"No"

"Yes! This is our first child, we have to go out and celebrate."

"Okay…" Olivia agrees. Smiling at the thought of celebrating life.

This is what Stephen meant when he said, get some normal. It's not the lifesaving moments where she's saving a president or a senator. Somehow though her life feels richer, warmer. The memories she carries now are not of gratitude but based on sincerity.

After searching for so long, she finally belongs.

/

He finishes his second glass of scotch. The brown liquor gives him the courage to open the envelope. Based on the envelope he knows he won't be happy. For starters, Olivia is most likely alive, but something happened.

Something happened to them.

His hand trembles with the light paper in his hand, he can't tell if it's the liquor or his nerves.

But he's scared.

Inside this envelope will tell a story, their story.

With abated breath, he opens the folder.

His eyes fill with unshed tears at her name on the vanilla paper. And he begins to read word for word.

He takes a moment to gather himself. The sting from his eyes burns with pain and unshed tears.

"This can't be." He whispers.

He looks back down at the paper and decides to read it again.

Olivia went to planned parenthood, for what the agents report was a procedure that they are not privy to. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to put two and two together. He knows why Olivia was there, and what she did. The agents noticed a piece of tape on her arm, where she had either blood drawn or an IV placed. The agents report staying an hour, and that after the procedure Ms. Pope became even more distant and returned to the white house where that was the last time they saw her.

His eyes close painfully at the memory of their last goodbye. The wave of emotions leaves him completely and utterly stunned. Why didn't she talk to him? Why did she feel as though she couldn't come to him? Where do they go wrong? He would have supported her decision, he wouldn't have liked it, but he would support her.

"Cyrus!"

Out of breath, he runs into the room. "Mr. President."

"Call off the mission." Fitz rises from his chair.

"Come again?"

"Olivia Pope. Cease the mission."

"Sir…"

"It's over…she ran away from me…I'm going to let her go. For good."

"Fitz."

"Call it off," Fitz says again this time his voice firmer, his resolve formidable.

"What did you find?" Cyrus asks his voice gentler, softer.

"The answer I was looking for. Olivia, ran away this time. No Jake. No, dad. No one. She was left alone. She decided to leave this world behind. She ran to escape me."

"How do you know?"

"Look at me! I am trapped in the prized jewel of the American system. I can't even go outside these walls without a firetruck, and ambulance…it doesn't matter. She's not here."

"Are you sure you want to give up?"

"We can find her, it won't take long."

"No." Fitz shakes his head. "She doesn't want to be found."

"She's Olivia." Cyrus reminds Fitz. He knows Olivia has been a thorn in his side since the day those two came together, but...Washington isn't the same without her. He isn't the same without her.

"I don't have a choice, Cy. I'm going to put her and myself out of our misery. It's done. The best thing I can do is move on, and let her."

Cyrus walks to the door "for what's worth, she loved you." He closes the door behind him.

"And I love her." He answers aloud looking around the large office, that holds the memories of cherished times that they once occupied.

Staring out the window, he looks for her.

Hoping that wherever she is, she is happy.

/

"Okay, so I googled some American games, and you all smell candy poop, and guess what kind it is," Alice answers as she passes around several dirty diapers filled with candy poop.

"Eww. I am not having a child. Thank God for being an uncle." Ryan answers smelling the sweet candy come from such a displeasing appearance.

"Oh, that's snickers." Shane answers matter of fact after taking a long inhalation of the scent. Not caring that her nose was nearly touching the concoction.

"Eww, Shane." Alice huffs

"What?"

"You have your nose engulfed in shit."

"It's candy!"

"No, that's shit." Ryan answers

"It's candy. You want me to taste it?"

"No!" the two yell in unison.

"Car, come get Shane she's trying to eat shit." Alice answers

"I'm coming," Olivia answers pulling herself away from her new phone. She almost dialed his number. She almost asked him to find her.

"Sorry." Olivia walks back into the living room where her party of four was partaking. The group wanted to invite everyone for the gender reveal, but Olivia wanted to keep it between them, as she refers to it as a family gathering.

" What were you doing?"

"I was about to call my ex…"

"Oh shit, well go back!" Alice yells with excitement

"No. it's not the right time."

"When, is it going to be the right time?"

"Maybe in a year."

"What!"

"He's still the President…of the university…and married. Calling him would create a scandal, and I am the scandal. Me not being around is the best for everyone."

"But you aren't happy? Unless you are."

"I am happy." Olivia answers " you guys make me happy. This baby makes me happy. But I have to do right by him or her first because they are counting on me. I can't be selfish anymore which is hard for someone like me…"

"That's okay, we aren't rushing you. You do what's best for you and the baby." Ryan answers with Alice and Shane nodding their head in agreement.

"Alright, let's find out what we are having!" Shane answers with excitement.

"Right. So I wanted to do something super extravagant but Ryan and Shane told me no."

"I'm sorry Al. But buying firecrackers during a drought doesn't seem like a good idea."

Olivia snorts at the thought of creating headlines but because of a fire that spreads like the California fires.

Alice walks out to the living room with a cake of a baby.

Olivia immediately giggles with glee at the cute baby "this is amazing."

"Oh my gosh, I'm so glad you like it. I had my friend Piper make it on short notice."

"No, I love it." And she does. What's not to love. This has surpassed her deepest desire. Somehow It's everything she imagined and more.

Shane hands her the knife "okay, you get to cut the cake."

With a slight tremble in her hand, she slices into the cake and the room erupts in cheers.

She cries tears of joy at the color inside the cake.

"Damn!" Alice shouts handing Shane and Ryan money.

"I lost the bet." Alice pouts.

"Al, it's always a pleasure doing business with you," Ryan answers as he and Shane high-five each other. Pleased by the news and the extra money at Alice's expense.

"Do we have a name?"

Olivia shakes her head.

/

With the party finished. Olivia walks into the baby's room.

She went with neutral colors when she designed the nursery. The bright yellow wall with white stars and a moon. The creme color crib and matching changing table. The room is perfect. Warm. Open. Peaceful.

Opening the new package she just bought, she pulls out a large mobile centerpiece.

" I think you like it…"Olivia talks softly to her baby as she examines the custom piece. The dainty light pink butterfly silhouettes dangle freely by shimmer strands.

"I can't wait to meet you... Hope."