Authors Note: I dont know why I'm posting this save for the fact i keep revisiting it. It's not even fully fleshed out the way it should be. I took some shortcuts but...voila. Enjoy.
"You are not going to make me feel like this." She said thrusting her finger at him. "You of all people do not get to make me feel like this." She turned away from her smug future ex-husband, refusing to give him the satisfaction of her tears.
"Like what Hermione? Like you're not quite up to speed? Like you're behind the curve? I've felt that way this whole bloody marriage!"
She whipped around, "That's not my fault Ronald!"
"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" He shouted. "You're not my mother! And you're certainly no better than me."
"ITS YOUR NAME JACKASS! I'm sorry I have a preference to call people by their full name! I don't even like it when you call me 'mione'! It's stupid!" She shouted.
His eyes rolled and he chuckled humorlessly. "Stupid. Like me right?!"
"Yes!" She yelled all restraint gone. "You must be a fucking idiot to cheat on me, to hurt me like this, and have the nerve to be smug about it to my face." She hissed as her wand dropped from her sleeve and trembled in her grip.
He scoffed but shuffled a safe distance away. "How long have you wanted to say that?"
"Never, Ronald. You are clever and brave and wise in ways I could never comprehend or match, because you prefer to react with your heart before your mind. I never thought you were stupid."
"Yes, you do! I've heard you apologizing for me at your little shindigs! 'Oh, don't mind him, he's just a little out of it.'" He mocked.
"I said out of the loop! Maybe if you weren't so fucking insecure you would've heard me correctly. They all think I talk to you about work so they try to draw you into the conversation. Then you say something that makes no sense because you –
"Because I'm an idiot right?"
"Because you don't listen! You don't care about my job or what I do because it's not something that interests you. I've tried talking to you Ronald. Your eyes glaze over, and you faze out so completely. It's annoying, and you have no idea how hard I worked to convince myself that dead look in your eye was cute."
He shook his head. "Whatever."
She laughed. "What? Out of accusations? Don't worry I've got enough for the both of us. How dare you? How dare you completely demolish everything we have, everything we've had by throwing it away on my bloody boss?"
He shrugged. "Why didn't you notice? We haven't had sex in months. You never said a word. You never even tried to make a move on me."
Hermione blinked at him. "This cant be happening." She put her hand over her mouth and took a calming breath. "Ron, you said, you looked me in the eye and said, 'I've been really stressed lately, I don't think I can right now. I just need a few months to sort it all.' I didn't realize that was code for 'please rape me!' You're an auror! God only knows what you've been through. It's not like you tell me."
He flushed. "Oh yeah."
She laughed in disbelief and shook her head. "Wow. You know what Ron? Maybe you're right." With a wave of her wand, her packed suitcase floated down the stairs. "Maybe you really are a fucking idiot." She picked up her bags and turned, prepared to leave.
"Well at least I know when someone is lying."
Hermione stopped and sighed. Her shoulders fell and she turned to face him. "And what is that supposed to mean?"
"You said we'd have kids by now. Where are they?"
"I'm 25, Ron! I've got way too much to do to have kids now. Unless you're willing to put your career on hold to take care of them?"
"I am!" He shouted and Hermione's eyes widened. "I would have loved to be a stay-at-home dad. I've been trying to tell you for years, but you never wanted to listen." He stepped forward and grabbed her shoulders. "I don't want you to live like my mum. That's not you 'mione. I just want a brood of my own, even if it's just one kid. People with my job don't live long. It's best to quit while you're ahead, and I am. I've got plenty of scars and horror stories, and I want to tell them to my kids, so they'll go out there and become the very best. I want to make the Weasley name better."
Clear drops fell from Hermione's eyes and she lowered her head, ashamed.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know that." She whispered.
He sighed and stepped back. "Yes well it's too late now isnt it? I've really mucked things up. "
"Yes we have. Why didn't you just talk to me?"
He shrugged. "You're smarter than me. Anything I said you would've reasoned away."
"When have I ever – "
"You're doing it now."
Hermione sighed, wondering how she spent so long with a man who couldn't stand to reason. Perhaps they were both idiots.
"Whatever, Ronald. Is there anything you'd like to ask?"
"How long have you known you were a lesbian?"
Her eyes widened and she shook her head. "I – I'm not!"
He frowned, "Hermione you practically pray to your boss. And when you caught us, your eyes lingered, and I don't mean on her face. And it hasn't just been her. I mean...Surely you've noticed that about yourself?"
She flushed. "I…No. It's not…I can't..."
He exhaled and looked at her, resolute. "Yeah you can. It's acceptable here though not common knowledge, Sinastra from Hogwarts was – Katie bell too."
"I'm not!"
"Your boss…her nipples. You saw them right? What did you think about the color?"
"Shut up."
"They were so dark compared to the rest of her, a nice contrast."
"Shut UP Ronald!" The air in the room was electric as they stood toe to toe. Sometime during his speech she'd closed the distance between them. Her wand trembled as she held it against his chin. She wasn't even sure how it got there.
He nodded, hands up in the air. "Sorry. I owed you that."
Her throat began to close at the revelation, so she choked out her goodbye and ran.
It had been a long road since the divorce. She moved in with her parents and did the muggle thing for a couple of months while she processed everything. When she realized she was just as much at fault as Ron (though a little less), she decided it was time to face her friends and the world. She bought herself a cozy studio apartment and had only her closest friends over for a housewarming. It wasn't easy, she started by confession everything to them, and once they all listened and understood, the party began.
After a rather successful night, she escorted the group out of her home and was surprised to find a straggler on her couch.
Smiling, Hermione laid with her head in the stragglers lap. "Staying the night? You're always welcome to."
"Ron said I should come speak to you."
Hermione frowned and sat up to look at her friend. "What?"
"About my girlfriend."
Her eyes widened and she jumped off the couch, hand over her mouth. "Your what?"
"I'm a lesbian." When Hermione merely blinked at her dumbly, Ginny smiled. "She's from Canada oddly enough. I honestly have no idea why she's attracted to me since I'm supposedly not her type – too feminine. Can you believe that? Me! Too feminine. I'm afraid to meet her exes really."
Ginny was…her best friend since childhood. How did she never notice?
"I don't understand, why haven't you told me before?"
She shrugged. "It's the way things are done here. Only the people who know, know. It was never a need to know thing. And you muggleborns can be so weird about it. Case in point." She said gesturing to Hermione's panicked stance.
Absolutely dumbfounded, she shook her head. "But we talked about boys all the time in school!"
"I didn't enjoy it as much but I see a reason to stop you."
Pacing, she digested the information and determined how much she was willing to share with her friend. It would make little sense to not take full advantage of this. It was, after all, why she stayed.
"How do I know if I…"
"Come here, Hermione." She spoke. There was no reason for those words to feel the way they did and yet...
She stared at her guest in the dim light. Ginny was staring intently at her, smiling like her lips held the answer to every question Hermione had ever asked herself. Her arm was on the back of the couch and she leaned against the cushions as she slowly sipped her drink, waiting. Tension pooled in the bottom of Hermione's stomach, beckoning her closer.
Silently, she approached the couch and sat, trembling so much that her knees were knocking together.
"Relax." Ginny murmured. "I've got you." She gently lifted Hermione's hand and kissed it.
Hermione shook her head, eyes locked on pink lips. "You've got a girlfriend."
Ginny smiled as she placed Hermione's hand on her thigh. "You're my best girlfriend, Hermione. I think she'll understand."
Hermione said nothing, feeling awkward and uncertain in the silence.
"Besides, I've wanted this. All those lectures you give me, sometimes I just want to shut you up in the worst way. I think next time I might."
Her face heated. Ginny had never spoken to her in such a tone, never looked at her in such a way, or at least, she'd never noticed it. But she definitely never looked at Ginny, not like this. Though perhaps she should have. All those times they'd showered together. She bit her lip as she tried to remember if those freckles spattered her breasts as well.
"Come here, Hermione." She said again, the back of her fingers caressing her cheekbone. She turned her palm to cup her neck and began gently guiding Hermione's lips toward her own.
One soft, sweet kiss was all it took to shift her entire point of view. She felt as though it branded her a lesbian. Everywhere she went her eyes darted to women and she quickly looked away, afraid she would find something to her liking.
Afraid that they would like her as well.
And Ginny? Gods, she hadn't spoken in full sentences around the woman since. She could see those green eyes waiting for her to launch into a lecture. Looking for the chance to…
It had been three months since her horrid discovery, and Hermione was eager to return to work. It would be difficult to work with the woman who was partially responsible for the end of her marriage, but according to her coworkers, no one knew the real reason she left. So, as long as she avoided the other woman, everything would remain as she left it. Her job was far too important to be impeded by personal conflict. She hoped.
On her first day back, she was called to a mandatory meeting with her boss.
"Ms. Granger, Welcome back. You have been sorely missed by all." She said attempting to gain eye contact. Hermione refused.
"I am sorry for the way our friendship ended but I am glad you decided to continue working with us. I hope that after some time you will begin to be comfortable again." Hermione offered an emotionless smile and was mildly pleased when the woman released a frustrated sigh.
"Here are the files on everything you missed. I'm sure you'll catch up in no time. If you have any questions, you may ask me via my secretary. I've told her nothing, but she knows there is tension between us so I've asked her to mediate. You are free to go."
Hermione nodded and left. "Thanks." She said as softly as the closing door.
"Ms. Granger." Tracey called. Hermione turned to face the secretary, her face neutral. "I don't know what happened between you, but she hasn't been the same since. I really hope the two of you can reconcile. Until then, I will pass along any communication. I promise you, my discretion. Both within the office and within hers."
A grateful smile crossed her face. Tracy had always been kind to her, possibly had seen what Hermione was so ignorant to until that fateful day.
"Thank you, Tracey. I'll keep that in mind. Have a good day."
Tracy shook her head and murmured. "What the hell did that woman do to you? Whatever it is, I assure you, she hurt herself too. Have a good day, Ms. Granger."
Hermione's jaw clenched and she abruptly left the room.
After their initial meeting, Hermione did all she could to avoid contact with her. And when she had no choice, she was courteous if a bit cold, taking inspiration from the woman herself. The worst moments however were during office meetings. When those ice blue eyes were distracted, Hermione found the sway of her hips was impossible to ignore and the fire it ignited in her fueled many nights of hatred, pain, and sweet agony.
At the end of the year, 7 months after the incident, Hermione was forced to confront the woman once more for her annual evaluation. This was a conversation she had to actually participate in. She had a feeling things were going to go very wrong.
"Hello Hermione. It's been a while since you've graced my office with your presence." Hermione smiled but otherwise remained silent. "To business then. It's just your annual review. We're going to go through this fairly quickly I think. If you have any questions, feel free to interrupt. As you know, you started working for me on this day four years ago."
Hermione nodded. "Yes and your annual speech has changed very little."
The woman smirked. "Indeed. However, our relationship changed very much this past year."
Hermione's eyes widened. "Is that going to be part of my annual review?"
"Of course. Something so serious needs to be addressed. But we will save it for last. For now I'd rather talk about an incident involving two Houselves and a centaur. Care to explain?"
Hermione relaxed marginally as she recounted the silly tale. "As you know, centaurs make it their business to read the stars. This adolescent believed two elves to be reincarnations of two fabled heroes and somehow managed to steal them away in the night. I negotiated their release in exchange for a week of my time proving him wrong."
The woman nodded. "So how did one of them end up with a broken leg?"
She chuckled. "Over excitement. He kicked the centaurs knee in anger and broke his already wounded leg."
Her boss laughed and nodded. "Very well. What of the incident with Neville?"
She rolled her eyes. "It was game day and he lost the bet."
"That's an acceptable answer." She said with a chuckle. "Drunk and belligerent?"
Hermione nodded, feeling herself soften a bit. She had always enjoyed her company and making her laugh was so rewarding. No one had a laugh like hers: carefree, proud. It was like a well-earned badge. Gods, she hated how this woman affected her. She tried so hard to ignore her feelings, and it worked until she was forced to interact with the woman. She should've quit on that day, but...no one else in this world could make her feel so… good. The energy that once flowed between them was as much a part of her as breathing. It sickened her to think of rejection, of denying herself this woman's company forever.
"As far as your work performance, there is of course always room for improvement. I don't see where – your work is impeccable - but I assume you could find some way to improve."
Hermione smiled. "Thank you."
"All that's left to discuss is the incident." Her voice lowered in tone and her eyes seemed to shimmer slightly. "Let me first say I have missed you Hermione."
Resolved to the inevitability of the conversation and certain she could not be fired for her response, she decided not to hold back. Heatedly, she answered.
"Then perhaps you shouldn't have slept with my husband."
"I fear the truth is much more complicated." She set Hermione's file to the side and gestured to a couch nearby. One they had spent many hours on laughing and talking perhaps a little too closely.
Hermione shook her head, "I'll stay here I think." The couch had become their relationship. Almost everyday she was there waiting for her to finish paperwork, to have a tea and perhaps biscuits. Hermione had even brought muggle treats once: a valentines day gift. How foolish.
"Please." The woman begged softly as she sat in her spot. Hermione caved and sat on the opposite end facing her. Normally she sat so much closer. Their knees would touch and ignite something between them. A sign to release and unwind.
It was so easy then. Before.
"I never slept with him." She made certain to catch Hermione's eye. "He didn't touch me."
She frowned. "But I saw you. Naked. He said you'd been together for months!" Her eyes began to burn as millions of explanations swarmed her mind. A silky voice cut through her thoughts and her heart.
"He didn't touch me, love."
Hermione braced against the pain in her chest. She adored that nickname, never knew why. Now she did, too little too late. For so many reasons.
"You saw what you were meant to see. He wanted to hurt you."
Hermione looked up towards the ceiling and wiped her eyes. She was so tired of not understanding the people closest to her. She pleaded. "Why did you help him? Why did it have to be you he hurt me with?"
She scooted closer. "Why did your eyes devour me that day?"
Hermione jumped from the couch and shook her head. "No. You don't get to do this! Not you." She shouted, flashbacks of her last heartbreak driving her words. She turned away to compose herself. "You betrayed me, Narcissa! I trusted you after everything we've been through. I defended you against damn near everyone in this office. And you repayed me by having a fake affair with my husband? Why?"
"I wanted him out of your life!" she admitted. "He never deserved you." Narcissa whispered vehemently though she had the decency to look ashamed of herself.
Hermione scoffed derisively. "No, he didn't. But I didn't deserve this. To have two of my closest friends betray me like this."
"I had to know. I had to know if you cared for me like I did for you."
"There are other ways to find out!" Hermione shouted. "Like asking! How do you expect me to feel anything but absolute horror when I look at you now?"
Narcissa stood and walked towards Hermione until she was just inside the woman's personal space. She ducked her head to catch avoidant eyes.
"By letting me apologize. We can try again."
Hermione dismissed the idea. "It's too late for that." She would never admit it, but she had hoped that during her four-month 'vacation' Narcissa would attempt to contact her but… nothing.
"Is it? Then why do I always feel your eyes on me when I'm not looking?"
"Shut up." She pleaded, tired of the being pushed beyond her limits.
"Did you miss me Hermione? Did you miss our late nights? If you only knew how many times I almost took you right on the couch. How I fantasized about it. Did you?"
"No, I… just leave me alone, please."
"I can't." The woman said softly, her hands on Hermione's cheek. "I'm sorry but I can't." The timing of the kiss was perfect. Otherwise, Hermione would have run in fear and she knew Narcissa would have let her go.
One kiss.
One kiss was all it took to make her implode. Soft thin lips caressed her own in a way that stole her breath in one solid, relieved exhale. Arms tightly wound kept her from refilling her lungs – That, plus a shortage of brain function and the pain of her heart as it stitched itself up and tore apart anew. She whimpered softly as her body filled with desire. It was all too much.
The kiss itself was quick yet it seemed to last forever and somehow not nearly long enough.
"I'm so sorry." Narcissa said again and hugged her. "I had to know if this was possible. If we were possible. I plan to retire soon, Hermione. I want you to replace me. And then I want you to come to dinner with me."
Hermione's eyes closed and she laid her head atop a nearby shoulder.
"You don't have to answer now of course. I think perhaps time is needed for – "
She was cut off as Hermione silently, but abruptly exited the embrace and walked towards the door.
"Hermione?" she called, her tone more frightened than the brunette had ever heard. Hermione paused…and left.
The Forest of Dean was not typically quiet, the sounds of wildlife always at a low murmur. However, on the rare occasion a few humans decide to reside within its dense growth, it could get rather loud.
Currently it was the host to one particularly noisy resident. A child compared to its youngest tree, on which the girl happened to preside. Her legs swung as she rested on a thick branch, her tears soaking into the bark. Occasionally she would lift her head to release great heaving sobs and screams.
The trees shifted minutely as they soaked in her emotions as well as her tears. The change would be permanent though undetectable.
Why does everyone insist on kissing her to explain themselves? In fact there seemed to be a constant lead up to a kiss. They confuse her, they push her, and then they kiss her, ensuring the maximum emotional upheaval.
Why is it that a kiss can convey anything from friendship to betrayal and she constantly suffered it under the intention of life altering passion?
Perhaps she would stay in that forest. Make a home of her seat. Perhaps no one would ever find her. Perhaps the right one would, and a kiss would bring her back to life.
Narcissa. The pureblood had a reputation for her cold demeanor yet she was like fire in Hermione's veins. Blinding her, scorching her nerve endings. Her smile, though minuscule, branded itself in Hermione's core.
That was all very permanent sounding wasn't it?
Authors Note: I wanted to write more, but it never sounded right, so this is officially a one shot. I will, however give you the only good line out of the ending I imagined:
"I have to be honest. When I sent the invitation, I thought I'd be alone tonight."