A/N: I don't own Harry Potter. I also don't own Casablanca, or any other references I may make herein. Inspired by a prompt from Reddit, this is an alternate take on Umbridge discovering the DA.

Harry Potter stood against the wall, observing his classmates mastering the Patronus Charm for the first time. A wide variety of spectral animals bounded about the room, inspiring cheers and squeals of delight as they passed. Even Harry couldn't help but grin at the display.

A tug on his jumper had Harry suddenly looking down into the worried face of Dobby. "Harry Potter sir, she knows! She is on the way here right now!"

A serious look passed over Harry's face. "Are the other elves prepared?" "Always, sir." "I'll change the room shortly, then. Thank you, Dobby."

The excitable elf nodded and bowed before popping away. Harry strode towards the center of the room while visualizing a very different Room than the current open configuration.

"Everyone, I want you to stay calm and do exactly as I say," Harry announced. "At this very moment, Umbridge and her goon squad are on their way here. We are not going anywhere."

A loud uproar was quickly silenced by Harry raising his hands.

"There has been a plan in place since we discovered this room to handle this exact situation. Hold very still for a moment."

Harry closed his eyes and concentrated on what room he needed the most right then. When he opened his eyes, the Sleeping Dragon Casino had appeared around him and the rest of Dumbledore's Army. The Hogwarts motto was emblazoned around the ceiling in the four house colors, while the rest of the decor wouldn't have looked out of place in Monte Carlo. As the table games appeared, so too did house elves in uniforms to run them. Along one wall, a handful of Muggle televisions displayed horse races from around the world, with a uniformed elf standing by with racing forms.

Harry took a moment to appreciate the absurdity that the Room had provided before finishing his announcement.

"Everything you see around you is fully functional, and the house elves will help you with anything else you may need. Enjoy yourselves, and let me and Hermione do all of the talking."

When Dolores Umbridge and her Inquisitorial Squad arrived at the Room of Requirement a few minutes later, the last thing they were expecting to see was an open door. Only slightly less surprising was the duo of Harry Potter and Hermione Granger standing just inside the door wearing dress robes. Neither was particularly smiling, but they clearly weren't angry either. To the Inquisitorial Squad, it almost seemed as though they were expected.

"Potter," said Umbridge with particularly evil glee, "I daresay you are very firmly in violation of Educational Decree #24, and since this is not the first time you have crossed my lines, I do believe…"

"Madam Umbridge," said Harry tersely, "your so-called Educational Decree does not say anything about the running of a business during school hours, and as any fool with eyes could clearly tell you, the Sleeping Dragon is doing a good business right now."

Umbridge chuckled. "And you have decided that running an illegal gambling operation is a better defense than simply being a student organization? Well, I supposed merely expelled wasn't good enough for you. Not to worry, I'm sure I can get the Auror Department down here to shut you down and arrest you soon enough."

"And that's where you're wrong, Madam Umbridge," replied Hermione. "If you had ever actually read Hogwarts, A History, you'd know that Hogwarts has allowed the running of the Sleeping Dragon for centuries now. In fact, the school maintains all proper licenses and permits for doing so, as the profits from the Dragon are often funneled directly back into the upkeep of the school. Whether or not anyone chooses to exercise them is irrelevant."

Pansy Parkinson sneered. "Granger, I don't know how you do things in the Mud…Muggle world, but our Ministry requires ongoing payments to keep permits valid. My family business has to provide a percentage of our revenues every year, and I highly doubt Hogwarts made any."

Hermione checked her notebook. "Very interesting, Parkinson, particularly the wording you used. You are entirely correct, Hogwarts would have to pay a percentage of revenues to maintain their permits, but the law itself provides for this: if no revenue is generated, no percentage needs to be paid. The Sleeping Dragon has never turned a loss, but hasn't been fully utilized in decades."

Umbridge, visibly becoming more angry the longer this conversation ran on, drew her wand. "Be that as it may, Miss Granger, you are very clearly generating revenue AT THIS VERY MOMENT! You are violating the law, and I will NOT stand for it!"

"Madam Umbridge, I do believe the tax year has not yet ended. I assure you, Hogwarts will pay the required percentage of the Sleeping Dragon's revenue at the appropriate time," said the calm voice of Albus Dumbledore as he entered the Room.

Umbridge turned at the sound of the Headmaster's voice. "DUMBLEDORE! What do you have to say about all of this?" She waved her wand all about the room, forcefully enough that a few sparks dropped off the tip.

Dumbledore looked around the room, observing all of the action. "I am shocked, shocked to find gambling going on in here."

A house elf chose that moment to walk over with a sack obviously filled with Galleons. "Your winnings, Master Dumblydore sir."

Dumbledore took the offered sack. "Thank you very much." He slipped the bag into his robes before meeting Umbridge's furious glare.

"Hem hem." Hermione's spot-on mimic of her signature cough was the final straw for Dolores, and she spun back towards the Gryffindor duo only to find Potter directly in her face with his own wand already drawn.

"I am well within my rights as the current manager of the Sleeping Dragon to remove anyone who I deem an active obstacle to our stated mission. You don't seem to be here to play our games, you certainly haven't attempted to place a wager, and while I don't know the current state of our bar you definitely haven't ordered a drink. And so, Madam Umbridge, I must conclude that your only reason for being here is to interfere with the casino. I should report you to the Ministry for that alone, but you've made a much worse mistake than that. You're trying to interfere with the Ministry's taxes, which means I have every reason to take this straight to the top, and I certainly intend to if you and your little band of ruffians do not leave the premises IMMEDIATELY."

For a group of people that had been so certain of their mission on the walk up to the Room of Requirement, the Inquisitorial Squad stood flat-footed, having no idea how everything had gone so topsy-turvy for them. As for the increasingly red-faced Dolores Umbridge, she didn't know how Potter and Dumbledore had managed to get away with this, but she knew that even her beloved Minister would draw the line at muddling with taxes, and so Potter's threat was more credible than she would admit. However, she was still furious enough to do one last unthinking act: she grabbed a goblet from a passing house elf and threw the contents in Potter's face. The boy, who had lowered his wand when the group seemed ready to leave peacefully, now raised it to the sky.

"ALL OF YOU ARE BANNED FOR THREE GENERATIONS! Yes, that's right: you, your children, AND your children's children! Get out, and don't EVER think of coming back!"

Some of the Squad, still retaining a sense of preservation, seized the High Inquisitor and dragged her out of the door as fast as they could before she chose to take any more rash actions.

Back inside the Room, Harry used the borrowed dress robes to wipe the rest of the drink off his face before handing the robes off to Dobby, who was overjoyed to handled the cleaning personally. "Well, that should throw her off for a little while, I hope," said Harry. "You are going to actually pay the taxes on your 'winnings', aren't you, Headmaster?"

Dumbledore stroked his beard thoughtfully. "I suppose I should, though perhaps it may also be time to revive the Sleeping Dragon once again. Very fortunate that Miss Granger remembers more of Hogwarts, A History than most have ever read. Incidentally, how did you know that Dolores and her band were on the way so quickly; I barely had time to inform Minerva in case a distraction was needed."

"You, of all people, should know, Headmaster: in your school, someone is always watching."