Doctor Who: UNIT Payback
I was listening to the soundtrack UNIT, and I don't know why, but I was compelled to novelise the absolutely brilliant kick-ass performance of UNIT against the Sontaran soldiers in The Poison Sky. It was so satisfying seeing our boys givin' 'em what for. Enjoy!
Outside the ATMOS factory
With his long experience of Sontarans and how effective they could be, the Doctor was worried beyond measure at the prospect of UNIT troops being slaughtered, again. His hearts ached as he remembered Greyhound 40, a.k.a. the very nice Ross, bravely doing his duty to the last by sending a crucial report to his CO, Trap One, a.k.a. Colonel Mace.
Oh, his troops were courageous to be sure, but in the face of Sontaran weaponry that meant nothing.
But the Doctor was, for once, wrong. Mace had used the intervening time, contacting UNIT R & D - who'd been very busy since the '70s, when various alien species had come to Earth with conquest and/or slaughter on their minds. Too often their bullets had proven useless. In fact the legendary Brigadier Alastair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart had complained to the Doctor, "Just once it'd be nice to meet an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets."
Not this time, Mace thought grimly. Malcolm's done us proud, Brigadier. He showed their new ammunition to the Doctor. "Latest firing stock. What do you think, Doctor?"
Trying to make light of the situation, bleak though it was, he recalled Doctor Nine and, wearing a gas mask, quipped, "Are you my mummy?"
"If you could concentrate," an unimpressed Mace said dryly. "Bullets with a rad-steel coating. No copper surface. Should overcome the cordolaine signal."
Humans, the Doctor thought despairingly. As stubborn as they are brave.
"But the Sontarans have got lasers," he pointed out. "You can't even see in this fog. The night vision doesn't work."
But Mace wasn't in the mood for criticism, even constructive. "Thank you, Doctor. Thank you for your lack of faith," he dismissed his Scientific Advisor. "But this time, I'm not listening." Defiantly he removed his gas mask. "Attention, all troops," he called sharply. Now, if ever, they needed an inspirational speech.
Mace was entirely ready to give it to them.
"The Sontarans," he stated, "might think of us as primitive, as does every passing species with an axe to grind." This had become blindingly obvious over the years. But now, he decided, Earth would prove them wrong. "They make a mockery of our weapons, our soldiers, our ideals. But no more. From this point on, it stops. From this point on, the people of Earth fight back, and we show them. We show the warriors of Sontar what the human race can do." He spoke to his R/T. "Trap One to Hawk Major. Go, go, go."
There was a sudden massive downdraft, blowing the gas away.
"It's working," Mace reported with satisfaction. "The area's clearing. Engines to maximum," he ordered.
Mystified for once in his long lives, the Doctor looked up and, to his delight, saw -
"It's the Valiant!"
And indeed the downdraft from her engines which served to hold her aloft now blew away the fumes - and now the troops could not only breathe, they could see clearly.
If they could see a target, they could shoot at it. Thanks to British Army and UNIT training, these troops were the best shots Earth had to offer.
"UNIT Carrier Ship Valiant reporting for duty, Doctor," Mace almost smiled, "with engines strong enough to clear away the fog."
The gas masks were now removed by the UNIT troops.
"Whoa, that's brilliant," the Doctor enthused. He honestly hadn't thought of it. This is why I like humans, they're so clever when the chips are down!
"Getting a taste for it, Doctor?" Mace jibed.
"No, not at all. Not me," the Doctor grinned.
Now, Mace decided, for a little surprise. The weapon used on the Sycorax, courtesy of Torchwood, had been improved, miniaturised...and incorporated into the Carrier. "Valiant, fire at will," Mace ordered almost with relish.
She did. As planned, the Sontarans in the factory were rocked, stunned, as an explosion erupted.
Two UNIT troops took aim with a rocket launcher and blasted the shutter door away, giving access to the factory - and the Sontarans.
They were ecstatic at first at the idea of a new slaughter - until, to their shock, the soldiers' weapons functioned perfectly. The rad-steel coating, developed by Malcolm, also gave the bullets armour piercing properties.
And they penetrated Sontaran armour just fine!
Now, the UNIT troops thought happily, the tables were turned! Now it was their turn to be massacred!
This, Captain Odu Bambera (a relative of Winifred) thought, is long-overdue payback!
He fired, and the Sontaran he'd shot at went down - with a smile. Without knowing it, he'd killed a lowly trooper on the edge of disgrace and, by giving the Sontaran an honourable death in combat, had redeemed him.
At least he's happy, Bambera quipped to himself. He kept firing.
Soon the east and north had been pacified by the UNIT troops. "East and north secure," Mace declared. "Doctor?"
"Donna, hold on," he said over the phone, "I'm coming!"
"Shouldn't we follow the Colonel?" 'Martha' asked.
The Doctor scanned the area with his sonic screwdriver.
"Nah, you and me, Martha Jones. Just like old times." it was said not without a degree of irony. He knew perfectly well, from her failing to correct him when he said "Avanti" instead of his trademark "Allons-y", that she wasn't who she appeared to be.
Or what.
Unseen, 'Martha' stopped the nuclear strike again...playing unknowingly into the Doctor's hands.
"Alien technology," the Doctor said with satisfaction as the sonic screwdriver registered it, "this-a way!"
Within the ATMOS factory
Skorr shot a couple of soldiers. "The honour of battle. The glory!"
But his mood didn't last long. Colonel Mace emerged from a side corridor and, determined to meet his enemy face to face as was befitting an officer of UNIT and of the British Army, said bravely, "You will face me, sir!"
Skorr turned, raised his blaster - and Colonel Mace shot him three times. He fell.
"Wonderful," was his last dying word.
That's that, Mace decided with satisfaction. Now to see how the troops were doing.
Outside
To his utter lack of surprise, the UNIT troops were just mopping up. Bambera came over and saluted. "All Sontaran troops accounted for, sir, with minimal casualties." He grinned. "Those bullets should be standard issue, sir."
"Yes, I intend to give precisely that order," Mace nodded coolly. He smiled. "Well done, Captain. In fact," he raised his voice, "well done, all of you! I am proud to be your commanding officer! "
Every soldier saluted - then cheered.
As for Harris and Gray, Mace ordered hypnotic reorientation and counselling for them; Dr. Jones (the real Dr. Jones) determined they'd gone rogue through subversion and were not to blame. "Luckily," Martha added, "their controllers are dead, so at the moment they're in a sort of standby mode - harmless."
"Can you help them?" Mace inquired.
She nodded firmly. "I'm no psychologist, sir, but helping people is what I do."
But their careers were saved by a nonchalant Doctor and his trusty sonic screwdriver, which dispelled their Sontaran conditioning. "You'll be alright, lads," he told them gently as they shook their heads in bewilderment.
"They still need counselling, sir," Martha told Mace, after a brief but thorough exam showed they were unharmed, at least physically.
Mace nodded. "Of course. Not their fault, obviously. Paid leave until they've recovered as per UNIT SOP," he decided fairly. He would also, he resolved, devise a training programme with Medical and R & D to immunise troops against such subversion (and Martha, grinning saucily, suggested they be trained also to go along with it, as if they had been subverted).
Ever compassionate, Donna asked, "They will be alright, won't they? Poor blokes," she sympathised.
The Doctor and Martha both smiled reassuringly. "Yeah, Sontaran conditioning is thorough but temporary. They'll be fine," he told her.
The Battle of ATMOS went down in UNIT history as "The first truly successful battle our troops ever fought against a technologically superior alien aggressor. They were entirely effective; Colonel Mace's adroit use of unorthodox but ingenious surprise tactics carried the day, as did the determination, courage and superb combat discipline of our soldiers.
"This marks a turning point in our dealings with aggressive species. Now they have learned to their cost that human troops are not helpless, nor at as much of a technical disadvantage as these beings have hitherto believed. UNIT, as always, stands ready to defend Earth, to the last man if need be.
"Except that it will never come to that!"
Drinks that night were on the Captain. Even Malcolm had a shandy.
THE END