Hey everyone, meant to update this on Sunday night but got busy! Let me know what you think of this chapter... eep!
"Hey Uncle Fin!" Noah grinned at Fin as he walked in to the precinct after work with Trevor right behind him, holding Lexi.
"Hey man! What's up?" Fin smiled at him as he held his fist out but Noah ignored it and gave the man he'd known for as long as Sonny and Amanda and Nick a warm hug. "Aww, ya getting soft on me."
"Who are you kidding?" Noah chuckled, "you're the biggest softie here…"
"You're right," Fin laughed and glanced at Trevor, "Hey! You brought little miss with you," he greeted Lexi, taking her hand, "hi Princess,"
Trevor grinned at his daughter and then smiled at Fin. Lexi held her arms out. "Oh, you wanna show your uncle Fin some love like your brother, you're only human, come on!" He took her from Trevor. "Is Liv around? I'm not staying, I'm just here to drop Noah off and take Lexi to my parents for the night."
"Oh yeah, she's just down the hall, she might be a few minutes, but you're welcome to go and see her."
"Is she with someone?" Trevor asked curiously. Fin seemed to lower his voice. Fin balanced Lexi on his hip gently swaying her. He waited til Noah went to say hello to some others before he answered, "she took Noah's girlfriend to speak with the social worker and I think Tara had to be taken to give her some comfort, I think Liv is just helping with that."
"Oh, poor thing," Trevor remarked. "Do you think I should take Noah back with my parents?"
"I'm not sure, sorry, I don't really know what's going on except the police reports… why don't you take baby back and I'll just tell Liv she has a phone call."
"Thanks Fin," Trevor replied.
"Noah," Trevor called across the room, "Noah can you please go and set up somewhere and get started on your homework. Mom's busy at the moment."
"Okay," Noah replied, "Did Kace stay home with Grandma and Grandpa?"
"No, she's just busy with her Mom, I'm sure she'll come out and say hello later."
A few moments later after Trevor had let himself in to Olivia's office, she appeared. She looked a little flustered. He noticed there was a slight limp and wince to her walk and knew immediately that her back was still hurting. "Hey baby, sit down…" he said immediately. She did so almost immediately. "Hi sorry, today's been crazy already."
"Its okay, we're okay, aren't we honey?" Trevor asked Lexi who gurgled, sucking on her fingers. Olivia held her arms out to her baby. She took her and snuggled her warmly. "Where's Noah?"
"He just went to set up next to Fin and then went to get a snack. How's things going with Tara and Kaci?" Trevor asked, pulling her over toward him on the couch in her office. She smiled as he wheeled her in the chair.
"Mmmm Tara is working out well, she's done a great job today which is good and Kaci went to see the psych at my urging and it was all fine and I don't know how Erin did it, but she cracked her and I think she just needed a minute with her Mom. I was starting to think Kaci was just blank inside," Olivia half-joked.
"It runs deep, I guess," Trevor murmured.
"It sure does. She told me some heartbreaking story this morning but… I've had to put it out of my mind," she sighed, "Anyway, are you headed off with Lexi soon?"
"Yeah… I'm gonna go home, feed her and leave her with Mom and Dad and then head off about 5 to meet with Nick. I won't be super late."
"Okay love," Olivia sighed. "Have a good night, let me know if you're gonna be late or if you guys want some company. I wish I could drink, I really want to wind down after the last few hours," she chuckled in spite of herself.
"Come here, let me give you a hug," he turned to Lexi, "Can Daddy give Mommy a hug? What do you think? You think Mama needs a big, big, biiiiiig hug that only Daddy can give her?"
Olivia chuckled. "Mommy needs a big big big something else that only Daddy can give her," she shot back.
"Olivia!," he exclaimed, shocked. "You are … dirty! Now get over here and let me hug you."
She stood up from the chair and took Lexi with her, sitting upon Trevor's lap. "Awww that's nice, isn't it?" Liv asked Lexi, feeling Trevor's arms wrapping around them both. He kissed Olivia's forehead. She leaned in to him for a few moments and let her eyes close.
"Just a bad day, baby," Trevor told her gently. He could tell that clearly she'd been affected by the things that she knew Kaci had had to say. "Tomorrow will be better, I promise."
"I hope so…" her voice trailed off. She drew in a deep breath and then got up. "Okay, you better take little miss and head off, I still have work to do-"
Olivia's office opened and Tara stuck her head in, panicked by her embrace with Trevor. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!," she held her hand up.
"No, no, no…" Liv called, "Tara, it's fine!"
"I didn't mean to barge in and interrupt-"
"No, its okay," Trevor added, "come in here, I was just getting ready to take Lexi to my parents." Olivia stood up slow and glanced over at Tara. "Honestly, you weren't interrupting anything, I can keep it professional at work," she joked.
Finally a flicker of a smile spread across her mouth. "How's Kaci now? Has she calmed down?" Liv asked.
"Yeah… she's just … well, you know what she can be like, she tries never to show her emotions and I find that very concerning so maybe the fact that she actually talked today might have just been what she needed."
"Poor thing," Trevor murmured, standing up. "You know, usually the kids at school who have things going on at home manifest that in other ways but Kaci has never once made me think anything was amiss—"
"I know," Tara frowned, "Its a switch, she turns it on and off and I guess it's just a big portion of her life dedicated to covering up any signs that might make things worse for me."
"Don't worry, we'll all get her to that happy place of being okay to express herself and have an outlet for that trauma," Olivia assured her.
"I'm gonna leave you guys to it, I just wanted to thank you, Liv, I know you were busy when I was with that uniformed police officer earlier, so thanks for dropping everything for Kaci."
"She needed someone, it was fine, I'm glad we got rid of the uniform so you could come and comfort her," she smiled.
Tara gave them both a wave and left them to it.
/
"What's up, Mom?" Noah asked, closing his Mom's office door behind him.
"Honey, I just want to warn you that Kaci had an emotional day today and she might not be in the greatest mood, but I want you to do do me a favour —" she handed him some money, "I want you to go to Starbucks and get you both a drink and some snacks and come straight back, k?"
"Okay thanks Mom," he was about to walk off and turned back, "Mom, is she gonna be okay? Kaci?"
"Yeah babe, she's going to be fine… you know that she's been through some awful things and today she had a chat to someone about it… but that's between you and me and you can only bring that up if she tells you."
"Okay," he agreed. "I won't ask questions unless she wants to talk about it."
/
When Noah got back he found Kaci sitting in a small office where he'd put his things to study. She had her school things out too and was reading over his social studies text book. She glanced up and smiled at him. "Hi,"
"Hey!," he grinned, his heart flip-flopping at the sight of her slightly reddened face. He felt worried about her — he could tell she had done a lot of crying, her face was a little swollen, mostly around her eyes.
"I got us a Starbucks drink each…" he told her, placing down a strawberry lemonade in front of her.
He put his own drink down and a little bag of snacks on the desk. He wrapped an arm around her, leaning down, giving her a squeeze. "It's so nice to see your pretty face," he couldn't help himself, he kissed her temple.
"You too," she murmured, "thank you Noah, this is really nice."
He took a seat and reached for her hand and threaded his fingers through her own soft, tiny hands. "Did you have a nice day?," he wondered.
"Mmm not really, your Mom and my Mom conspired and made me see a shrink. I thought I was just coming to hang out, they were wrong for that…"
Noah didn't react. "Did it help at all?"
"I don't know, it made me feel sad and I cried so hard that I vomited, so… maybe it'll take a few days before it feels like maybe it helped."
"I'm sorry," he said softly, "you know if you ever want to talk about it with me you can, I won't judge and I don't care if you cry so hard that snot shoots out of your nose or… I don't know, your sadness makes you shit your pants or something," he laughed in spite of himself. He knew he would make her laugh with his immature sense of humour.
It did work, she laughed. She squeezed his hand. "Maybe… I just really don't know what to say about it or like… how to explain my feelings, it's just too overwhelming to think about because I don't like feeling so dark inside."
"I understand that…" he said softly. "I really sincerely do."
"Thanks Noah…"
He let go of her hand. "Well, I'm just saying, I'm here. If its too hard to say to my face, you can write me an email or a text… that's what I used to do when Trevor was helping me in the beginning; I used to text him when I was struggling because I knew it was too hard to say the things I wanted to get off my chest."
"Maybe I could try that…" Kaci agreed. "But I just feel tired now."
"Lucky that drink has a whole lot of sugar in it," he chuckled.
Kaci smiled and glanced at the cup and sighed, happy to have Noah by her side.
He opened up the bag and pulled out some potato chips and a medley of fruit in a container. He knew his Mom would kill him if he only bought junk food.
"Here, have some fruit and some potato chips and I'll grab a fork for us."
Noah found Tara in the kitchen refilling all the condiments and supplies. "Hi Tara," he greeted her, "how are you liking it today?"
She turned around and faced him with a gentle smile. She looked tired, he thought. "Well Noah, I'm gonna be honest, I've never had a face-to-face job before so it's kind of fun, but I'm sure the novelty will wear off after awhile," she smiled.
"I feel like a sucker, Aunt Amanda and Mom used to make me do what you're doing but for free," he joked.
They both laughed. "I just need to get some forks, can I please get to the drawer?," he asked.
"Sure…"
"I bought a large fruit medley, so feel free to come and take some," he offered.
"Oh thanks, honey, but I'm okay. I had lunch with your Mom and Kace earlier. Can you do me a favour and keep your eye on baby? She's had a tough day."
"I know," he agreed, "she mentioned it's been a hard day, I'll be extra kind to her today," he smiled.
"You're a good boy Noah Benson," she remarked as they both headed down the hall and back in to the public area of the precinct together so that she could go back to her desk.
"I think we all deserve someone to be extra nice to us on our hardest days," he added as he walked slow beside her back to her desk. Fin was getting his things ready and waved at them both as he left, waiting for the newest detective, Joe, to change over with him briefly. Noah didn't know him super well, but enough to politely say hello.
Fin stopped briefly on his way out to introduce Tara to Joe and also to chat briefly with Noah. They saw him off and Noah turned to Joe, "still liking working with my Mom?," he asked with a little smirk.
Joe smiled at the teen, "you bet, your Mom is badass, do you know how many detectives would burst at the seams to come and work on your Mom's team?"
Noah laughed, "Really?"
"Really, really… your Mom has the best reputation and the team she has is a dream, I hope that they'll accept me," he glanced at Tara who was clicking away at the computer, going through the list of things to do, "and Tara too, we're the newbies now, we'll have to stick together."
Tara glanced up and smiled broadly at the rookie detective. "Deal," she replied.
"Sounds good, I'm sure you guys will be part of the family in no time," Noah replied confidently. Joe smiled at Olivia's son appreciatively and headed over to his desk to put his things down.
…."What the hell?" Noah rose an eyebrow, "what the hell do you think you're doing here?" He glared at the tall, broader, more weathered looking idiot from his past who walked down the corridor toward him as if he owned the place. Noah was instantly angry that he thought he had the right to be there.
"Noah-" Elliot held up his hand, "enough."
"No!" Noah exclaimed, "you don't tell me 'enough', I tell you 'enough'. I don't want to see you, Mom do-"
"I'm not here to see you, why are you even here? Don't you have an education or something you need to be getting?"
"Fuck you! You're such a bad parent you don't even know regular school hours? Fuck you Elliot Stabler, you piece of trash, you think my Mom wants to see you?"
"Lovely, glad to see Mom's Molly-coddling paid off… you're really sweet."
"She doesn't want to hear from you!" Noah spoke through gritted teeth, wanting to drive the fork in his hand in to Elliot's smarmy face. "She can't stand you after everything you did to us-"
Elliot took two steps toward Noah before Tara jumped up. She'd been confused and wondering what the problem was, but she figured out who the man was. She grabbed Noah and pulled him behind her back, protecting him. "It's okay, Noah," she murmured to him— urgent but gentle. She looked up at the man that towered over her, shaking a little with fear, but she was never going to let someone victimise her or treat anyone she cared about so badly again.
"You need to leave, nobody wants you here including Captain Benson, you have no right to be here-"
Elliot laughed, "what are you gonna do, call the cops?"
"You think its a secret that you all but physically abused her? That cops had to be called on your ass to get you out of the apartment? That you were such a fucking piece of shit coward like all alpha male wannabes that you gaslit her until you eroded her self-esteem and then you couldn't even leave the relationship like a real man, you cleaned out the apartment and ran like the little bitch you are? You think I don't know that?"
Elliot's face was stone, he was less than a foot away from Tara's face. "Yeah…" she lowered her voice, holding his eye contact, "I know your type… I've lived your type. Do you need me to outline in front of the whole precinct what you caused this sweetheart behind me? Because he's right, you are an absolute shitty parent that you saw another kid that wasn't even yours and you branded him with your emotional abuse and tried to steal the joy off of him."
"Get. Out. Of. My. Way," Elliot spoke the way Noah had, through clenched teeth.
Tara smirked and rose her eyebrow, "Or what?" She smiled, "you don't scare me, I've dealt with much scarier than you, you narcissistic little bitch of a man- hiding behind the shield of the law because you're too much of coward to face someone who can match your strength-"
"Can someone get the crazy lady away from me?" Elliot called out, spotting Olivia in the doorway. She stood, stunned for a moment.
"Do not call me crazy," Tara snapped.
Concerned that Tara was going to assault him, Joe stepped in and gently guided her along with Noah away from him and Olivia stared with her mouth agape, unable to move. Tara flinched away from Joe and looked at Noah. "Honey, please go and see Kaci, I'll look after Mom for you, k?"
"No," Noah shook his head, "I'm not leaving her with him."
"You guys, I'm fine," Olivia finally found her feet, "but they're right, you can go, I don't want to see you."
Elliot drew in a deep breath, glancing at the woman he once loved who held her very pregnant belly with protection and a slight air of weariness. He had once truly hoped that he could be the one that could make her body glow the way she was staring back at him despite her anger.
He'd always been a sucker for her eyes and that hair…
"Can we cut all this drama and just… talk!?"
Olivia laughed out of spite, "you want to talk?," she shook her head, "you're joking, Elliot, you want to talk…"
"I'm so sorry for what I did," he apologised, taking a few steps toward her before Noah blocked him. He glanced at Noah, "Noah- please, you wanted me to apologise to your mother, I'm apologising to your mother."
Olivia took a few steps toward Noah and took his hand, pulling her toward him. She wrapped an arm around him. She glanced at Tara, "I'm okay, I promise."
"You never deserved her, I didn't even know her then to know that you didn't deserve her and you didn't deserve Noah either. Asshole," she muttered, turning away to go and check in on Kaci.
Noah squeezed his Mom's hand and glanced at her, his eye-level meeting hers now. "Mom, you don't need this, don't let him win," he told her softly.
"Noah-" Elliot began in a warning voice.
"Don't you take that tone with me," Noah snapped at him, "you used that tone with me to boss me around and blackmail with stupid shit because I was a dumb kid and just wanted you to like me, that shit doesn't work, I'm not a dumb kid who's looking for … love or acceptance, I hate you and everything you did to us."
Elliot looked to Olivia, his blue eyes searching hers for something, anything, but instead her eyes had filled with tears. "I chose you when I should have chosen my child. I let you just tear the both of us down until I was scared of you and scared of you leaving and you hurt my child and I should have made you leave, but like Noah, I just wanted someone to love me… and what now?," she wiped her eyes, "just a shit show of fake apologies?" Do us a favour Elliot, fuck off back to wherever you ran to. It was the kindest thing you did for us."
"I'm sorry…" he said quietly, "I should never run -"
"Yes you should have. You made room for my stepfather and my siblings, Mom is right. We just regret that you took up all that time that he could have spent with us…"
"And you're back with Kathy…" Liv managed to laugh, "like you'd ever actually truly left her… go be a husband and a father and not the weak ass excuse for one that you tried to scam us with. Goodbye Elliot."
"I just want-"
"She said goodbye! Are your ears just painted on?" Noah shouted so loud that his voice echoed throughout the station. The few people that were in who had been trying to mind their own business couldn't help but to stare.
Elliot glared at Noah who stared him down. "Go," he said a little quieter, "don't bother my mother again."
He gave Olivia one last look and turned to leave. The second he had disappeared, Noah guided her in to her own office and closed the door and watched his Mom unravel. He wrapped his arms around her and let her cry. She gripped on to her son as her body wracked with sobs, apologising through her uncontrollable tears.
Noah could feel his own tears falling too. "Its okay Mom, you don't have to apologise… I love you and its okay…"
He felt both devastated and relieved that his Mom had given up trying to protect him from her feelings about what Elliot had done. He held her tightly and closed his eyes when he heard her gasp. He pulled away and saw that she clenched the top of her pregnant belly.
"You okay?," he asked with slight alarm.
"Yeah babe," she replied, her face contorted with pain. She almost jumped again and held her belly. He guided her in to a chair.
"What's happening? Are you okay? I'll get Tara-" Noah opted, immediately concerned by the stress Elliot had caused— that maybe it had affected the baby.
Olivia's protests were quelled by her clenching her body with strange cramps; the pain replacing her ability to try to be tough.
"Wait here-" he made his way out of the office with Joe clamouring by his desk. He looked up, surprised to see Noah.
"Is Mom okay?"
"I don't know," Noah replied, ignoring him and making a beeline for the office at the back of the station to get to Kaci and Tara. Tara was pacing and Kaci was assuring her. Noah didn't have time to wonder what that was about. "Tara, Mom's in pain, I think it's the baby," he told her urgently, "I don't know what to do?"
Tara looked up, surprised, "Oh," she paused for a second, "uh that's okay, let me give Hannah a call, don't panic because it could be nothing, Kaci wait here," she told her daughter and accompanied Noah, detouring to her desk to grab her phone from the drawer.
/
Noah sat next to his Mom and held her hand tightly as Tara stood before them on the phone to Hannah. "Out of 10 where's your pain at?,"
"7," Olivia replied.
Tara relayed the information on the phone. She was silent for a second. "Okay, yeah Elliot turned up, it got heated," she paused again, "thanks Hannah, see you soon."
/
Nick laughed loudly as he finished his first beer. "Ahh this is good, don't tell Noah I laughed at that, that's great," he told Trevor. "I love that kid, he's smarter than his own good."
"He really is," Trevor replied, "but that smart mouth on him," he laughed, "I just have to turn away and bite my lip sometimes." He turned to the bar and flagged the bartender. He turned to Nick, "another beer? I'm gonna have a whisky and club soda."
"That'll be fine for me too," he said, "thanks." Their drink order was taken.
"Hey there," a girl threaded herself between Nick and Trevor to get to the bar. Trevor took a step back as she made eye contact with him, "you're very tall…" she smiled a little seductively as she tossed her blond hair to one side. She looked half of his age.
"That's a little rude," Trevor couldn't help but to remark, "stepping between my friend and I, you could go around next time." Just as Trevor had only moments ago described, Nick had to press his lips together tightly to keep from laughing.
"Aww don't be like that, I guess I just wanted your attention," she purred.
He felt himself tense, "Yeah, flattered but I have a gorgeous, pregnant wife with two kids at home and I'm happy with that."
"Oh, but she doesn't have to know," she slow winked at him as the bartender handed both he and Nick their drinks.
"Oh, she will know because I tell her everything… so one more time, flattered, but no. I'm sure you're very lovely but I'm here with my friend and just looking to be left alone with my drink."
The softness from her face dropped. "No need to be such a pig about it," she snapped, grabbing her beer and turning away from the counter.
Nick was laughing, "wow…that was intense."
Trevor made a face and eventually they both laughed.
"Come on, let's get a booth," Nick suggested.
Trevor got a little bit more comfortable, sitting back, feeling the nice lull of the alcohol getting to his head. "So when do you think you might pop the question?" Nick wondered.
Trevor thought about it for a moment and tried to stifle the smile on his face. Nick couldn't help but to feel grateful that the man that sat before him, the guy that he was trying to get to know to make sure he loved Olivia as much as she loved him, was entirely checking out. "I don't know, the idea of popping the question is so nerve-wracking, I mean… so much to lose," he chuckled.
"But you've done this before, right?"
The smile disappeared from his lips and Trevor nodded. "Yeah, but my - wi-," he winced, unsure of how to call her. She wasn't his wife and he wasn't even sure if he wanted to refer to her as that anymore. "Lana," he tried again, "Lana passed, you know that right?"
"Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that, that must be difficult especially when you're trying to navigate your current relationship."
"I wish I could say it was more difficult than it is," Trevor replied, "I actually get this little bit of self-loathe when I say that, because I feel like it should be hard but the truth is, Nick, it's not that hard… I loved Lana for all the many years she gave me, for all the wonderful things we had together but it both feels like a lifetime ago but also last week and you do really tend to all but canonise someone in their wake…"
"It wasn't perfect then?"
"I mean… nothing is perfect. I just am a pathological people pleaser, or at least I was in that relationship. I was younger by a year, not that that mattered, but… I was the humble teacher and she was the nurse who wasn't just happy to have a life, she always wanted something better and I guess if I'm honest, I look back, I just wanted to live my life, be a Dad, have enough time for my family and I didn't think we needed ridiculous amounts of money, just enough, you know?"
"Yeah… I get it… like, some people just don't know when enough is enough."
"But… maybe I matured in the time that she passed and understood more about myself, became a little jaded along the way," he smiled, "but I told Liv once when I was struggling a little with grief that… I don't like to be away from her and Noah and now Lex… even when the days are tough, I just want to be near them, be in the same room — when I wake up from a shitty grief filled nightmare, I want to know that they're in the same house as me breathing the same air."
Nick smiled. "Sometimes the first marriage is more teaching you about growing up, especially when you marry young, it doesn't mean the person didn't hold value or that you don't miss them or that your life is better for them not being in it anymore, it just means that they had their place in your life for the time when it was meant to be."
Trevor nodded, "Yeah, that's actually a good way to look at it," he replied.
"My first wife, Maria, we married young and it was just a powder keg. We had Zara together and if it weren't for my baby, we would never have stayed together long. She was serving in the Middle East and we grew apart — to the point where we hated one another for a long time."
"How is it now?"
Nick shrugged, "Mmm most of the time, amicable. We know how to do the right thing for our daughter, you know, share the same discipline ideals, smile together in photos with her at parties, show up at important life events and never make it about ourselves. It helps that we've both remarried, it's actually been a lot better in the past year or two, friendly even."
"That's really good… I don't think I would have known what to do if Lana had of left our child behind. We were trying for a baby when she passed and I think now in hindsight as shitty as it sounds, I feel grateful that she didn't get pregnant cos I wouldn't have handled both of those losses together."
"That's not shitty, that's a logical feeling, Trevor."
"Thanks…" He sipped his drink. "But Olivia Benson, she is something else," he finally smiled. "I just don't know what it is about that woman, but I knew the second she pulled up telling me off about Noah that there was something there… I didn't quite know what to do with it, but I just love her and the kids more than anything I've ever known and I am anxious to get engaged but as I said, I'm just so damn nervous about it."
"You think she might say no? Cos I'm telling you, man, she is not going to say no."
Trevor chuckled, "I don't think she'll say no, not really, I guess I just want it to be perfect and I really have to figure it out. Nothing public, just something very special."
"Do you have any ideas?"
"Actually… I do… I might need your help for one of the things, but I'm thinking it might be just before she gives birth to the baby. We talked about having a baby shower, she played it down but I want her to have these opportunities that I know she has always dreamed of having — that Elliot probably promised to her."
"Fuckin' jackass, I can't believe he had the audacity to even speak to Noah after all he did. Can I tell you, I searched for that mother fucker high and low because I was dead ass going to turn up in Italy or wherever the fuck he went and lay his ass out… after he left, Olivia started telling me all the things he did, the few times Noah hid in his closet from him-"
"Wait, I didn't know that…"
"Yeah, Noah was so scared of him screaming and throwing shit that he hid in his closet a few times and then one particular time he was so frightened and thought he was going to hurt her so he called Sonny and Amanda on his iPad."
"Fuck… Noah makes references to him being all but physically violent. I know he called the police on him but I didn't know he was hiding himself away in cupboards."
"And sleeping with headphones on so that if he woke up and they were fighting he could pretend it wasn't happening… and the fucking most infuriating part were all these letters I found on Noah's desk when I came to stay for a week or so after Elliot left… they were apology letters, like, dear Elliot, I am so sorry that I made you upset when I didn't take a bath the first time you asked, I hope you still love me…"
"Ugh" Trevor raised a hand to his heart, "fuck, that…" he shook his head.
"Man, I read some of those letters and cried, that poor kid just wanted Elliot to love him, possibly more than Olivia did. He is just so hardened by his own circumstances that I really don't think he knew how to function or show his love in anything but in a fucked up and backhanded way." Nick took a sip of his drink, "not to make excuses, but he just…" he shrugged, "its the only way I can explain such callous behaviour. No one else has ever disliked Noah or thought that he was a pain in the ass."
"No, he has always been a joy. And so funny, we had a whole scenario going at one point about my dog being our psychologist. It was a bit we used to reference all the time. And he's so talented and smart and frigging mature. I love how thoughtful he is, honestly I couldn't love this kid any more than I do and Olivia taught me some wonderful lessons about biology and how very little it matters."
Nick smiled. "You're actually a very cool guy. Ya need to stop, I'm getting a man crush."
They both laughed, "No but for real," Nick told him, "I have only ever wanted Olivia to be with someone who loves her as much as she loves him and I feel like your energy both matches and I love that you both knew immediately it was right— I love that Noah calls you Dad and that you both just shut your eyes and jumped in deep to adoption… it just seems like it was right for you both…"
"Thank you, I appreciate that. I do love her with every bit of me and I don't think a single thing could change that. I wake up every day feeling happy to see her face, happy to see Noah's face… I love being a father, it's legitimately amazing and like nothing I've experienced… even if it's 3am and I'm being punched in the face by a tiny little fist."
Nick laughed, "Yep, that happens for sure," he grinned. "Being a Dad really is great, the older I get the more I appreciate it."
Trevor nodded. "So, are you and Danielle and Adeline going to come and eat with us before you guys go home? Liv really wanted to catch up."
"Yeah, I'll get Dani to call Liv tomorrow, we're not leaving til friday so we'll be sure to have the time." Nick's phone began to ring from his jacket pocket. He excused himself and pulled it out. It was Noah. Confused, he answered. "Hey?"
"Hey is my Dad with you Uncle Nick?"
"Yeah, he's across from me, why?"
"We took Mom to the emergency room," Noah spoke quickly, "Hannah says she's okay but Mom is freaking out and I don't know what to do."
"Okay, okay," Nick glanced at Trevor and instantly Trevor knew something was amiss. "We'll come down now, which hospital?"
"At Mercy…"
"Wait, what happened?" Nick asked as both Trevor and Nick got up, leaving their drinks.
Trevor could only hear muffled conversations before Nick told him he'd see him in a moment. "Don't panic," he told Trevor, "at this point she just has painful cramping, but… Elliot turned up at the station and there was some kind of situation…"
"Fuck!" Trevor cursed. "Fuck that guy… I'll fucking show him a situation."
"Both of us will." Nick muttered angrily.
/
"Oh my gosh, you poor thing, baby, what happened?" Trevor asked, his eyes sweeping over the room til he found Olivia. He made a beeline toward her and saw Noah let go of her hand and step aside for Trevor. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and held her while she cried tears of relief that he'd arrived.
Noah and Nick chatted quietly while Trevor comforted her. "I'm so sorry I didn't see the missed calls on my phone." He stroked her hair until she calmed down and slowly pulled away. He smoothed her wet cheeks and gave her a wry smile. "What did the doctors say?"
"They're just going to do an exam in a minute but we were waiting for you," she replied in a shaky voice. Trevor put an arm around her and kissed her lips. "I'm here now, whatever happens sweetheart, it'll be okay, we're all in this together. I'm not going anywhere."
"Thanks…" her voice trailed off.
Nick came around and gave her a quick hug. "I might take Noah to get some dinner and you guys can text us if you want him to come back or I can drop him home."
"Thanks Nick."
"Sorry to cut your drink short," Liv apologised tearfully. Nick rolled his eyes at her and laughed. He kissed her forehead. "Don't be crazy, take care of yourself, captain, I know this guy will enforce that command." He winked.
Noah said goodbye to his Mom, a little reluctant to leave but wanting to give his parents some privacy to figure out if everything was okay with his sibling, wanting to smash Elliot harder than ever.
Once alone Trevor took a seat on the edge of Olivia's bed. "Do they have any idea of what might be going on?," he asked gently.
"I don't know… just it's really painful and crampy. Hannah promised she'd be back in a minute with the doctor. I don't think I'm bleeding or anything," she told him.
"Okay, that's a relief," he murmured. "What happened, did Elliot upset you? Is this his fault?"
"I don't know," she repeated tearfully. "He just turned up and Tara gave him hell and then Noah started and… I barely said anything to him. Noah was upset more than me, but… maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm more upset than I realised-"
"My favourite patient!" Hannah stayed jovial as she entered the cubicle with the doctor behind her. She smiled. "Hey Trev," she greeted him. She glanced at the machine by the bed that she was hooked up to. "This is Dr. O'Hara and she's going to take care of you while I take your obs."
"Okay…"
"Is Olivia okay? I mean… she's not any immediate risk is he?" He asked Hannah. She realised that he was worried.
"Well it doesn't look like it, but we just want Dr. O'Hara to examine and make sure everything is okay with both Liv and baby."
The doctor smiled and reached for Olivia's hand. "Its okay, we're just going to check on a few things and if you're comfortable, I'll just make sure the baby is exactly where we want him to be."
Olivia just nodded. Hannah went ahead and checked on all of Olivia's sats while the Dr felt around her belly and eventually checked to make sure that she wasn't dilated, effaced or bleeding. She glanced at the clipboard that Hannah had updated.
"Ah, so I was told you had a stressful event," Dr O'Hara remarked, "how do you feel now stress-wise on a scale of 1 being not stressed, to 10 being very stressed that you can't really think of anything else."
Olivia looked at the tall, brown-haired doctor and shrugged, "I guess maybe a 5 or a 6 because I'm worried about my baby, I really just don't want anything bad to happen." Fresh tears slid down the sides of her face. She rubbed her baby belly over the top of the stupid gown they'd made her dress in.
"I think your blood pressure is a little high which is why you felt a little woozy with the pain. Have you had high blood pressure before?"
"Not re-"
"Yes you have, my sister mentioned when we went in to do your bloods, remember? She wouldn't let you leave til you ate." Trevor interjected.
"Okay," the doctor touched her arm, "I think that you had some Braxton hicks and because you were in a stressful situation at your job, your blood pressure rose and you got dizzy… but I am not playing about when you're this far along, so… what I'd like is for you to get comfy because we're going to hold on to you overnight for observation and we're going to wait for that blood pressure to go back to normal or consider some medication."
"Oh, no, I can't… I've got my kids at home-"
"Honey, it's fine, you're not going anywhere," Trevor said with a disbelieving laugh, "if Dr O'Hara says you're staying, you're staying. I'll go home and check in on Lexi and Noah and let my parents know they're on babysitting duties and I'll get you some pajamas and come back and stay with you."
Olivia wanted to tell Trevor that he should stay at home with the kids, but she didn't want him to leave her alone. "You should… you should go be at home with the kids."
"Nah, Mom and Dad can be with them, I'm staying with you, I told you, I won't leave you alone," he promised. She was relieved.
Hannah smiled at Trevor.
"Well, Hannah will bring you some paperwork and we'll get you in to a room and we'll have someone coming in and checking in on you through the night and I'll come and see you again in the morning."
"Okay, thank you," Liv murmured.
"Hannah, we might get some bloodwork taken care of and get urine sample and we can just do all the usual suspects," she told her, "if anything atypical comes back, just see the changeover doctor to advise."
"Thanks Bec," Hannah smiled. She glanced at Olivia, "what's up? Why do you look like you just saw a ghost."
"Liv isn't great with bloodwork."
"Don't worry sweetheart," Hannah gave her a little squeeze, "I am amazing at taking blood, it'll be okay, we'll get through it."
Olivia breathed out slowly. "Can we wait for Trevor to get back from seeing the kids and getting some things?"
"Of course. Don't worry babe, I'll take care of you while Trev is gone."
The doctor said goodnight to them and put up Olivia's clipboard. Trevor stood up, straitening himself out. "K, I'll go now. I won't be long and I'll take my phone out so if you want or need anything, let me know, okay?"
She nodded.
"I'll bring you some snacks." He kissed her lips. "Love you and don't panic, this all looks good, this is just precautionary, k?"
She nodded again.
"I love you baby, you'll be okay," he promised.
/
Trevor walked inside the apartment to find Nick sitting with Noah and Patrick at the dining table. Noah was a mess. Immediately filled with concern, Trevor made a beeline over to him. "Hey sunshine," he murmured to his son who wasn't in great control of his emotions. He turned to see Trevor and felt embarrassed. "Mom's okay, are you okay?"
He said nothing, he just nodded profusely. "Noah's just a bit upset with what happened at the station, he didn't feel like going for some food so I brought him home," Nick explained.
"Okay, that's okay," he said more to Noah as he took a seat beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, scooting closer. "If you're feeling upset or triggered or whatever by Elliot, it's alright, we're here for you, you don't have to be embarrassed by that."
Noah turned his body in to Trevor's chest and let his father hold him tight. He fell apart as his Mom had back at the station. "Its okay," Trevor repeated, pulling him close, "I got you."
He exchanged glances with Nick and his father. Nick was seething with rage over Elliot and Trevor felt like he should have been too, but his first priority was Olivia and his kid. He wanted them to be okay and he wanted them to know that he had their back. He knew that Elliot had a track record of acting on his anger which made Olivia a little scared of sharing emotional or upsetting things with him so if for any other reason, he did his best to stay calm.
"How's Liv?" Patrick asked as Trevor kissed the top of Noah's head.
"She's alright. They just want to keep her in overnight so I'll go back soon. She's having some blood drawn," he told them pointedly, knowing that his father and Noah would understand why he couldn't leave her.
"I might go and see our friend," Nick murmured.
Noah pulled away immediately and wiped his eyes. "Don't, Uncle Nick. Don't waste your time or effort on him. He doesn't deserve any of our attention."
Nick stared at Noah for a moment and smiled. "You're just like your Mom, you give people way too much kindness…"
Noah sobbed and laughed, "I want to see someone smash his face in more than anyone else but it's not gonna make anyone feel better… It'll just make us feel better to never see him or hear from him again."
"You're such a good kid, Noah," Patrick smiled at him. "A great son," Trevor added, "and an even better brother. You did good taking care of Mom, kiddo, you did everything right and I'm so proud of you." He kissed Noah's temple again.
"Is she really okay?," he asked, "is the baby okay?"
"Baby looks to be just fine, Mom's got a bit of high blood pressure which is probably because of the stress of what happened but they're just gonna keep an eye on her and I'm sure she will be okay, Sunshine."
Noah wiped his face. Trevor reached in to his jacket pocket and handed him the handkerchief he always carried but rarely used. Noah thanked him. "Are you gonna be okay to stay here and look after Grandma and Grandpa and Lexi if I go stay with Mom tonight?"
"Yeah," he sniffed. Trevor smiled at his father who beamed back. He loved the relationship between his son and newest grandson. "I'll be okay… but make sure you tell me if I need to worry, I don't want to be shocked in to anything bad."
"Promise," Trevor replied sincerely. "I just have to go put some stuff together for Mom," he told him. "I want you to eat something, k?," he pulled out his wallet from his pocket and pulled a card and laid it on the tabletop. "Add this card to your ubereats and order some comfort food. What do you think? Grandpa? Uncle Nick? Does he deserve a bit of special treatment?"
"I'm not a baby," Noah muttered.
Trevor smiled. "I know you're not a baby but sometimes it feels nice to be taken care of no matter your age and technically you are still a kid even if you fill some big shoes sometimes…"
"Dad's right…" Nick pitched in, "Remember how your Mom let me move in to your apartment when you were little because I was having a rough time at home?" Nick reminded Noah. "That felt so good to be taken care of when life felt a little too much…"
Noah nodded, "I remember that. I was so mad at her when you left."
Nick smiled, "I do remember that too. I had to come and have a chat to you."
That was news to Trevor but it didn't bother him, he knew there had been nothing romantic between them. Nick followed his ex all around the country trying his best to patch things up with her until she said enough was enough.
Noah managed a laugh. "But Dad's point stands," Nick added. "And on that note, I have to get back to Dani and Addy, they're at my Mom's place who I'm sure is filling them up with food. You guys call me if you need me, okay?"
"I'll walk you out," Patrick opted.
"Thanks Nick, sorry our drink got cut short. I'll let you know how we go tonight and hopefully we can still pencil in that dinner."
They said their goodbyes and Nick gave Noah a hug and left them to it.
/
"Are you okay?" Hannah asked, "I have Tara hitting up my phone asking if you're up to her and Kace coming and visiting you…"
"Oh, no, tell them to stay home, I don't need any fuss. I just feel a bit sad," she admitted to her friend.
"They want to make a fuss, babe, let' people make a fuss. We all care about you and love you and want to cheer you up."
"When will I be able to go to a room?," Liv wondered.
"As soon as bloods are done. Do you want me to do them now?"
"Mmmm can we wait for Trevor? I'm not good with needles…"
"I know but I promise I'll be gentle and can get it perfect first go. I'm a sharp shooter."
"People say they're afraid of needles but … mine runs deeper than that," Liv admitted, "like… childhood trauma deep," she laughed in spite of itself, "I kn ow that sounds dumb but…"
"It doesn't sound dumb. Do you trust me to help you through it? As your friend?"
Olivia knew she was going to have to get used to it given that she was pregnant and she had been lucky about bloods so far. "I guess, but… I might cry or have a panic attack."
"You're totally allowed, I won't judge."
"Okay," she said slowly, unsure of whether or not she would be okay, but not wanting to bother. Hannah grabbed her phone from her pocket and replied to Tara, telling her that she would come and get her and Kaci. It was perfect, she thought, if Olivia really was frightened of needles, she had the two perfect people that would be able to comfort her through it.
"Okay, don't worry, it'll be okay, I promise you. I'll just get what I need and I'll be right back."
/
"Olivia!" Kaci exclaimed, surprising her, coming to her side with her arms wide open, "oh Olivia, Mom and I were so worried about you," she murmured, hugging her tightly.
"Oh babe, ease up, ease up Liv might be sore," Tara told her daughter gently.
"I'm okay," Olivia replied smiling, she cuddled Kaci. "Thanks beautiful girl, I'm doing alright, I just have to have some needles which I'm actually terrified of, honestly."
"Well we're here to sit with you," Tara smiled, passing her a small bunch of flowers. "These are from my little garden veranda," she told her giving her a hug once Liv released her. "You told me you loved flowers."
"They're beautiful, thanks Tara…"
"I'm so sorry about what happened at the station, I'm aware I probably blew it with the job, I just—- Noah and…"
"Wait, what?" Olivia rose an eyebrow.
"I just saw Noah losing his mind and I couldn't sit back and let someone hurt another kid, especially knowing the history, I'm sorry I let you down-"
"No, Tara, please don't. You didn't blow anything. You were standing up for my son and you were being a protective friend. You didn't blow anything."
"Oh no, its okay, I was unprofessional-"
"No, don't worry about it, Tara, you did nothing wrong, if anything I wanted to thank you for standing up for us. No one's ever done that for Noah and I before, so I appreciate you more than you realise."
Hannah broke their conversation up when she arrived with the small tray to take some blood with another nurse. "Okay, Liv is gonna need some extra support, Kace, wanna pop up next to her on the bed?" Hannah asked.
Kaci looked at Olivia for permission. She edged over and patted the spot next to her. Kaci sat up close to her and took her hand. "Remember when I had to get my IV redone when I was in hospital and you held my hand," Kaci reminded her. "I didn't really feel super scared of the needle but I was just scared of everything that was happening, but you made me feel better by comforting me about Mom and also by being by my side."
Both Tara and Hannah smiled at their interaction. "Thanks baby," Liv replied softly, "You guys are all great, I'm very lucky to have such good friends."
"Maybe it'll help to talk about why you're so frightened of needles," Hannah asked as Tara came to the other side of Liv and put her arm around her, noticing her tensing as soon as the two nurses cross-checked her information.
"Oh, it's really stupid," Liv replied with a little shaky sigh. "It's just a thing that happened when I was a kid, but it's okay."
"You can tell us, it's private and no one will repeat it," Kaci pushed gently.
"Kace," Tara warned her, "if Olivia doesn't want to talk about it, we're going to respect that."
Olivia cleared her throat, "I just went to have blood drawn when I was little and I was really scared and I wanted my Mom to comfort me… she got really mad at me and the nurses held me down and my Mom walked out of the room and left me there on my own because she was so angry and didn't understand that I just wanted some comfort."
"Fuck, that's rough Olivia," Hannah blurted out.
"It's stupid," she blinked back her tears. "I'm sorry, it's really stupid, I just…feel like I'm kind of …" she paused.
"Back there…" Tara supplied, understanding fully. She hadn't realised Olivia's Mom had been such a shitty parent. Liv felt Kaci resting her head on her shoulder.
"Yeah…" she cleared her throat. "But you guys are here with me, it should be okay."
"We won't go anywhere. It'll be fine and Hannah promises to be painless, right Han?" Tara winked at her friend.
"Gosh, the pressure is on… don't worry Liv, I got you. I'm going to put an IV line in actually. Dr O'Hara thinks it might be better and if you have a fear of needles, it means that later if you need something fed intravenously for your blood pressure, we can do it without stressing you out again," she explained.
"Thank you," Liv replied. "You guys are the best."
Hannah readied the needle while Tara and Kaci tried their best to change the subject away from the needle. Olivia went rigid when Hannah took her hand and swabbed the spot over the back of her wrist. "Liv, I need you to relax as best as you can or else I won't be able to get the needle in to the vein and I really don't want it to hurt you, honey," Hannah told her softly. She rubbed her hand for a moment just waiting for her to relax before she swabbed again.
"That's it…you can close your eyes if you like."
"Good idea," Kaci agreed, "Close your eyes and when I'm worried about something, I just start counting backwards from 999, I'll count with you if you like," she offered.
Olivia took a deep breath and let it out slow as she nodded. Kaci began counting and Liv and Tara joined her.
"Nine hundred and ninety nine, Nine hundred and ninety eight, nine hundred and ninety seven, nine hundred and ninety six, nine hundred and ninety five, nine hundred and ninety f-" Olivia stopped when she felt the sting of the needle; it didn't quite hurt, but her brain disallowed her from concentrating on the counting and made her gasp a little short of air.
"Its okay Liv," Tara said quickly, smoothing her hair, "its all good, you're safe, Hannah is just about finished, deep breaths," she coached her. Olivia concentrated on her friend's voice as she breathed in through her nose and let it out slowly through her mouth. She waited for a few moments for the feeling to pass and felt Hannah bandaging the cannula down with some sticky bandage and rolling another softer one around it so she didn't knock it.
"All done Olivia," she told her as Liv slowly opened her eyes. "You did great."
"Did you get the blood?"
Hannah picked up the two vials and showed them to her friend, "nice healthy looking blood to send off to the vampires at the path lab."
"Thanks Hannah," she murmured.
"You bet, give me five minutes and we'll get you going up to the ward and I'll sign out for the day and come and sit in for a bit with you all until Trevor gets back."
/
Trevor was filling a small overnight bag for Olivia with some things that he thought she might need or want. Some pyjamas, fresh underwear, deodorant and a toothbrush. He almost jumped a mile when he found Noah sitting on the edge of their bed waiting for him.
"Hey kiddo, how are you doing?"
"Okay, a bit bummed out and worried about Mom. I'm angry that Elliot got her so upset that she had a stress reaction that could have potentially hurt my brother."
"Noah, I know that it had to have been really upsetting that once again Elliot gets to walk in and shake things up for you, but I'm here, okay? Remember all of our conversations back in the beginning?" He sat down beside Noah, "that locking pain up inside rather than talking about it eats away at your insides until you feel like you're filled with the same darkness that's inside of them."
He nodded. "I just feel so… angry and angry with myself, like, angry with kid Noah for being so weak and for wanting him so bad and when I see him now, I'm just full of revolt - how could I have wanted someone like him to be my Dad so much? Was I stupid?"
"You were a little boy who was growing up it's okay to have wanted a father, I don't think that ever changed for you, from what everyone tells me, you've always wanted a guy to look up to like a Dad. It's just that when you're a child you have an easier time of idealising a person to suit a fantasy in your head. For you, you kept telling yourself that when Elliot liked you more, he'd want to be your father so you tried and you tried and he just never turned in to that person for you."
"Its okay that he didn't want to be my Dad, I can see that now, like, emotions aside, I wasn't his kid and while that didn't matter for Mom biologically, I couldn't expect him to suddenly treat me the same as Eli or Dickie or the other girls… its just not okay that he was so cruel to me about it."
"No," Trevor agreed, "you're right about that, sunshine, it wasn't ever okay for him to treat you or Mom the way he did."
"He used to get mad at me for the dumbest things that I didn't even really understand and I would apologise repeatedly and that would make him mad too," he admitted. "I felt like a constant day in and day out feeling of shame," he added. He looked up at Trevor, "please don't tell Mom I said that, I know she feels so bad already about the way he treated me and I don't want her to feel guilt."
"It's just between you and I," Trevor promised.
"Last spring when all that stuff happened with Cooper and Mom grounded me indefinitely, she made me go through my entire room and throw away things I didn't use or need anymore and I came across this stupid little box that I used to put all the important keep sakes and somewhere along the line it became an Elliot box— I found all these stupid letters that I gave to him that he left in my cupboard… I don't think I ever told Mom. I didn't know how to talk to him because he wasn't great at talking about emotions or tolerating me being emotional, so I used to write him apology letters in my best writing and every letter is ends the same, I know I am not your son, but I hope that you'll love me when I start being better at everything. I'm trying really hard. I love you Elliot. Sorry again, Love Noah," he wiped his face.
Trevor felt his heart breaking — a similar story that matched with what Nick had told him. "I'm sorry that he let you feel like you weren't enough, Noah. You are enough. Do you know how much I love you?," he asked, giving Noah a smile through his own welled-up eyes. Noah said nothing and stared at him, feeling a little empty.
"The day I came back to school after I spent time in the hospital, I had my class with you and a couple of your friends and you were so sweet that the second I walked in the door, you asked me if you could give me a hug because you missed me and then little Amira wanted to follow and I know she wouldn't have had the guts to ask herself but… after losing Lana and feeling unsure about coming to work again or even getting out of bed, I knew I'd made the right choice. You hugged me so tight, Noah Benson that it was everything I could do not to break down in front of you guys because it was exactly what I needed from someone in that moment."
"Why didn't your family give you more hugs?" Noah asked softly.
Trevor shrugged. "I did a few selfish things and I think they were angry with me on some levels and also maybe they were scared of making me emotional."
"I hate that," Noah replied. "You could be as selfish as you want around your grief for Lana and I would never be angry with you, I would just want to hug you and tell you that I won't leave."
Trevor almost sobbed. Instead, he let his tears go. "See? This is what makes you more than enough, you were absolutely more than enough and you always have been. It was more Elliot's problem over yours, kiddo."
"I wish I could have told someone how bad I felt back then," Noah replied, wiping his cheeks with the heels of his hands. "I wish I could have talked to you. You would have made me feel better."
"I probably would have knocked Elliot's block off, I was dealing with some unresolved anger of my own," Trevor replied with a bit of a chuckle. "But, I do wish you could have talked to someone about it, I feel like you've kept it all locked up for so long and it's heartbreaking for me to watch you and Mom go through it."
"I love you for caring about us so much, Dad," he murmured. "I feel weird still sometimes when I call you Dad… do you feel like it's weird?"
"No," he shook his head, "I know it was quick but I love it… every time the word leaves your mouth I get a little smile inside of me. I know we took Lexi so fast and I felt like I was going to have to try to have this weird game of navigating you both calling me different things, so when you called me your Dad it felt like we all just suddenly fit."
"Sometimes I feel like my friends or whatever are judging me for it."
Trevor shrugged. "It's none of their business."
"I know, I don't care either… I'm just saying."
"I didn't want to tell you this because I was actually scared that you might get upset, but…I have a little announcement to make this week at school and I've been looking for the right time to tell you."
"Am I going to cry more?," Noah asked, his face a little expressionless.
"I certainly hope not," he smiled.
"Okay, what is it?"
Trevor took a deep breath. "I was struggling a lot these past few months with my love for the job and struggling to sometimes keep the separation of Dad vs Teacher and I saw a job so I applied for it and I actually got it…"
"No, wait, you're leaving? What about the football team? I don't want to be on the team if you're not the coach!," Noah was immediately upset.
"Wait, wait, wait, let me explain," Trevor held up his hand, "I spoke to Lattimore about it, the new job is only a few days a week so we're working out a schedule where I can still do the phys ed job and I have negotiated an extra cap on my salary for coaching the football team, so I am not leaving the team, kiddo, okay? I wouldn't abandon you guys, especially not you."
"So where is the other job? Is it teaching?"
"Yeah," Trevor smiled. "It's at an elementary school, I'll be taking first graders three times a week and sharing a class with a junior teacher."
Noah finally smiled. "I think you'll be good at that. The kids will love you because you're a big dork."
Trevor gave him a gentle shove. "That's enough from you."
"Dad, can I just say that it makes me so, so upset when I think about you coming back to school after Lana's death and feeling so alone. It scares me when you talk about having to go to the hospital because you were so depressed and alone without her. I don't ever want you to feel like that ever again, so please don't keep your feelings to yourself about her, never stop talking about her if you need to, Mom and I won't mind at all."
"I'm okay now, it was just not a very nice time and I'm not very proud of how I handled it."
"Were you in hospital for long?"
"Maybe a week, but my sister made a deal with the doctor that she would take me to my parents house and look after me. If my sister wasn't a nurse, I would have had to stay for a 28 day period."
"Is that like a psychiatric hold?," Noah wondered. "Like, for addicts or mentally ill?"
"Yeah buddy, like that… I'm very ashamed to tell you that as a Dad."
Noah shrugged, "if I got sick mentally, you wouldn't want me to feel shame, right?"
Trevor managed a smile. "Definitely not."
"What happened to make you have to go to the hospital?," Noah pushed, sensing that Trevor was edging on ending the conversation that was getting a little too emotional for himself.
He drew in a deep breath and looked at the teen. "I don't really know if it's appropriate to tell you what happened, maybe when you're a little older…"
"Was it drugs? Or just… depression?," he pushed.
Trevor cocked his head to the side. "Prescription medication to try to help me sleep because I didn't want to be awake and I didn't know how to deal with the pain while I was awake," he admitted, "and then when the drugs wouldn't work on their own, I added alcohol and my sister found me in a dangerous way."
"I'm sorry… but I'm glad she found you and I'm glad you're okay because I don't think I would have ever told anyone all of this about Elliot, much less Mom. You made our relationship okay again and my heart was so sad about what it came to just before you came along in to our lives like this…"
"I'm glad that I've helped heal you both. You've both helped heal my heart too, don't ever forget that. I love our family. I feel very happy with you all. The happiest I've ever felt."
Noah slid his arms around Trevor and hugged him tightly. Trevor kissed his forehead. "I love our talks, Noah, I understand now when my Dad used to tell me that having a son was like having the bestest friend you'll ever have. I used to think it was a strange thing to say, but I get it. You're my best friend, my side-kick and I hope we always have that."
"I just wish you were in my life instead of Elliot when I was a kid… Mom would have been better off too."
Trevor smiled. "I know, me too, but timing is everything kiddo."
Noah pulled away from him. "You should go and be with Mom, she doesn't deal well with hospital stuff, I remember Uncle Nick and Uncle Sonny told me that."
"Yeah, they're right. She's a bit of a baby," he joked, "but we love that about her and we will take care of her. She might come home and need a bit of rest, so we're gonna have to pick up some slack maybe… we'll see."
"Okay. Let me know how she is…"
Noah got up and stood in the doorway and waited for Trevor to follow him out with Olivia's overnight bag. He made his way in to the living room to say goodnight to his parents.
"Goodnight guys, I'll keep you all updated," he told them, pausing to give Ruby a pat and a cuddle.
They called goodnight back. Noah took a seat on the couch next to Georgie. "Night Dad, love you."
"Love you right back Sunshine, have a good sleep and message me if you need to."