Chapter 35: A Loud is Born
A parody based on the episode: An Ed is Born
One of my favorite episodes
It starts with Liam crawling along the sidewalk, sniffing as he goes. He crawls onto Zach.
"Um, hey Liam." Zach greeted awkwardly. "Whatcha doing there?"
"Quiet! Ah must brood!"
Liam continues to follow the trail. At the Loud house, Lana, Lincoln, Clyde, and a bunch of chickens are gathered in the living room. Lana has a hoop as she is training the chickens.
"Ok fellas, jump through the hoop! You there, upsy daisy!"
Lincoln and Clyde were on the couch watching.
"Lana, this is so wrong!" Clyde said worriedly. "Liam's sure to find out his chickens are missing!"
Then Liam kicked the door open. He sees Lana with his chickens and gets mad.
"Uhh...I think you have to go home now, chickens!" Lana said.
Lincoln explains. "Please excuse my sister, she meant-"
Liam motioned for Lincoln to stop, then spoke calmly. "Let me understand this. Ah suppose disgracing me is okay to you. Walking off with mah chickens like a fine howdy do?"
"It was their idea, Liam." Lana said. "They wanted to be the best chickens they could be! Bless their little giblets."
"Is that so?" Liam became angry again. "You've crossed the haystack! Return the chickens or I'll release mah rage!"
"Okay, fine." Lana waves goodbye to the chickens. "That concludes our lessons for today, ladies. Ta ta! Same time tomorrow!"
The chickens leave with Liam.
"There will be no same time tomorrow." Liam said irritated, before leaving. Then Lori and Leni came over.
"Hey guys, what happened to those chickens?" Lori wondered.
"Those were Liam's chickens. He took them back." Lincoln explained.
"Oh Lincoln, you've got a stain on your shirt." Leni pointed out. "I'll get it off."
Leni wipes the stain off his shirt with a napkin. Lana and Clyde giggle at this.
"And you've got some schmutz on your shoe." Lori wipes dirt off his shoe. Lincoln feels a bit embarrassed.
"Aw, our baby brother is all clean now." Leni said. This made Clyde and Lana chuckle.
"Thanks guys, but I could've cleaned myself up." Lincoln said.
"Yeah, but it's cute when we do it for you." Lori said.
"But I'm not a two year old." Lincoln said. "That's something you should do for Lily."
Lily glared at him. "Poo poo."
"No offense, Lily."
Then Luan, Lynn, and Luna showed up.
"Aww, is Stinkoln upset about being a baby brother?" Lynn teased.
"Dude, I remember how cute you were when you sucked on your pacifier." Luna said.
"And look what I found." Luan held out a baby rattle. Lana took it and shook it.
"That's not mine anymore!" Lincoln stated. "It's Lily's! And I'd appreciate it if you guys stop treating me like a baby!"
"Ok Linky, we'll stop." Leni said.
"But you're still our baby brother." Lori said. The older sisters chuckled as they left. Lincoln frowned and saw Clyde chuckling as well.
"What are you laughing at?"
"I'm sorry Lincoln, but don't you think it's amusing that your big sisters still think of you as their baby brother?"
"No! I hate being a baby brother!"
"Ok then."
Lana shook the baby rattle some more. "I like the sound of this."
Then Lincoln got an idea. "Hold it! I'll just show them how big I've gotten. I'm gonna need some stilts."
"Why don't you make a home movie or something?" Lana suggested.
"Lana, that's it! We'll make a home movie! Clyde, you're the cameraman!"
"But Lincoln, we don't have a-"
"I'll be the exec. producer, exec. director, exec. writer, and of course, the star."
"We can't shoot a movie without-"
"Can I be in your movie?" Lana asked, interrupting Clyde.
"Sure. You can be...yourself. We'll show my big sisters that Lincoln's all grown up!"
"You're forgetting something, Lincoln. We need a-"
"Camera." Lana removed her hat to reveal a camera on her head.
"...Why was there a camera under your hat, Lana?" Clyde questioned.
"I like to film animals."
"Ok, we've got a camera."
"Let's make a movie!" Lincoln said excitedly.
Clyde is recording. A chair is sitting in the backyard. There's bags of money surrounding it. Lincoln flies in out of nowhere, wearing a fake white mustache.
"Hey there, it's Lincoln Loud here. I'm growing up and livin' the life. Who would've thought huh? Check out the mustache."
"Ok, cut." Clyde said. "We'll need to get a close up, Lincoln."
"Um, how was that?"
Clyde has moved in close.
"This thing's giving me a rash." Lincoln said, referring to the mustache.
"Action!" Clyde said.
"Looks like I inherited Pop Pop's genes for the face fur, huh? And you know what?"
Clyde goes back to his first position with the camera.
"Now?" Lincoln asked.
"Action."
"And you know what? I'm loaded. I just recently got a job at the comic book store and I'm investing: real estates, stocks, bonds. Heck, I might have enough money to buy the comic book store."
"Oh, come now Lincoln." Clyde said sarcastically. Clyde turns the camera on Lana, who's sticking dollar signs on trash bags to make them look like money bags.
"Boy, being rich really stinks." Lana commented and tossed another bag onto Lincoln's pile.
Lincoln turns the camera back to him. "What the heck are you doing?! Don't film that!"
"Sorry Lincoln, I got thrown off when you mentioned buying the comic store."
Then Lincoln's mustache fell off. "Cut, cut! How are my big sisters supposed to think I'm grown up when you guys keep-"
Lana shakes the baby rattle.
Clyde is recording the next scene as he, Lincoln, and Lana are walking along the sidewalk.
"Action." Clyde said.
"Unlike myself, the old neighborhood's still the same. Hey girls, did I tell ya? I'm mayor now! Right, Lana?"
Lana sees the bully, Hawk, riding by on his bike. "Hey, isn't that the punk from Halloween?"
Lincoln sees the bully and stops at a fire hydrant. "See that loser? That's Hawk. He's the neighborhood dork."
Unbeknownst to the white haired boy, Hawk appears behind him.
"I have to slap him around every now and then, just to remind him who's boss."
"Lincoln…" Clyde warned.
Lincoln noticed Hawk.
"Neighborhood dork, huh?" Hawk wedgies Lincoln, pulling his underwear over the back of his bike and turns to Clyde. "Yo four eyes! You getting this?"
He rides off with Lincoln's underwear attached to his bike. Lincoln hangs onto the hydrant and tries to act cool. "He collects underwear and gives it to the poor. Pretty stupid, huh girls?"
The tension becomes too great, and he is pulled away from the hydrant. Poor Lincoln is being dragged around. "SLOW DOWN, HAWK! I WAS JUST KIDDING! STOP! PLEASE!"
Lincoln's underwear snaps and he bounces on the road before landing in a heap.
"Look at him bounce!" Lana said.
Clyde runs over to his friend, worried. "Lincoln, are you alright?!"
Lana comes over and offers Lincoln the baby rattle. "Boy, Lincoln! You deserve a shake for that."
Lincoln takes the rattle from Lana and throws it on the ground. He leaps on it in an attempt to destroy it, but instead slips on it and falls over.
"I must say, if I was one of your older sisters, I'd be very impressed." Clyde said sarcastically. Lincoln glared at him.
The filming has moved to the park. Clyde searches for his actors. "Lincoln, where are you?"
"Over here, Spielberg."
Clyde films him. "There you are."
Then Lola, Lucy, and Lisa show up.
"Let's head to the swings next." Lucy said.
"Hey girls, remember the guy who used to own this playground? Well, it's mine now. Check this out."
"Move it, Lincoln." Lola said. "We wanna play on the swings."
"You know the drill. Cough up some dough, then swing."
Lola was outraged. "What'd you say?!"
"Ok, cut!" Clyde said. "Hold your positions please."
Clyde positions the two new additions to the cast. "Ready, now. Oh Lisa, a little closer if you will. And could I get big smiles for the cam-"
Lola punches the camera out of Clyde's hands. It falls on the ground and begins recording.
"Oh my." Clyde hurries to pick it up.
"Lincoln, get out of the way or else!"
"No use pleading for mercy, Lola. I'm gonna have to call my bodyguard." Lincoln calls for his dog. "Oh Charles!"
Charles runs over and starts growling.
"Charles only listens to his supreme leader. That's me. Charles, you know what to do."
Charles growled at the three girls. But they didn't look intimidated at all.
"I've got this." Lucy said. The goth hissed at the dog, scaring him away.
"Lincoln, give us a push on the swing or I'll tell Mom you borrowed her undies." Lola demanded.
Lincoln got worried. "Ok, we don't need to tell Mom about that." Lincoln put Lola, Lisa, and Lucy on separate swings. "There you go, baby sisters. Swing to your heart's content."
"Me too, Lincoln." Lana said. Lincoln sighed and put Lana on a swing too.
"Okay, people! A big smile for your older sisters!" Clyde requested. The younger sisters, pleased, complied with the director's request.
The three kids are on the street again. Lincoln and Clyde are on the sidewalk, despondently trying to think of something that will save the movie. Lana is playing with her camera.
"Hello, my name is Lana." She licks the camera.
"Running out of ideas, Clyde." Lincoln said. "Think of something that'll make me look good."
Clyde sees Lana with the camera. "Lana, be careful with that! Oh, why do I care? It's her camera."
Lana pretends to be a famous actor. "Here's an autograph for my fans." She picks her nose and puts a booger on the camera.
"Lana, what do you think you're doing?" Clyde took the phone from her. "Don't put your booger on the camera!"
He wipes it off with a tissue. "Gross."
"Boy, I can't wait to see that part, Clyde." Lana said.
"Yeah, well let's not and say we did."
"Come on, come on!" Lincoln got their attention. "I've got an impression to make here, remember?"
Then they hear Girl Jordan humming. They look across the street and see her painting her nails.
"Oh my." Clyde said.
"Oh look, it's my girlfriend." Lincoln said, sweating nervously at the camera and pointing at Jordan. "Painting her nails for me. I think I'll go give her the pleasure of my company."
Lincoln approaches her gingerly. He sits on the curb a few feet away and slowly eases himself over to her side. He tries to put her arm around her; at this point, Jordan notices him and knocks him into a fire hydrant, causing the water to spill out. Jordan notices the camera.
"Umm...Clyde, are you guys, like, making a movie or something?"
"Um, kinda…" Clyde said. Lana focuses the camera on her soaking brother.
"Not to worry, girls. I'll just dry him off."
Then Rusty appears out of nowhere and snatches the phone. "Hey buddy, whatcha doing there? Making a movie?"
Rusty turns the camera to himself and gives a smile.
"That's exactly what we're doing, Rusty." Clyde said. "Now give me the camera."
"Back off." Rusty continues to hog the spotlight. Lincoln leaps at him.
"Rusty! Give it back!" Lincoln tackles him. Clyde gets the camera back. We see Lana chasing Rusty away like a mad dog. Rusty screams as Lana bites him. "Get her off!"
"I taught Lana how to scare intruders away." Lincoln said, talking to the camera. "Aren't I a good big brother?"
He looks at his sister. "Give him the ninja attack, Lana!"
Lincoln uses the baby rattle as a nunchuck as he acts like a ninja, but accidentally throws the rattle away. It comes down offscreen, hitting his gym teacher, who was walking by.
"Ow! HEY!" He shakes his fist angrily. We cut to Lincoln, Lana, and Clyde running away from Coach Pacowski. The camera catches only the kids pounding feet and the coach chasing them with a baseball bat.
"Come back here!"
"RUN AWAY!"
The two Loud siblings and Clyde have moved to the woods.
"No backs to the camera please; it's rude, you know." Clyde said.
"Just roll." Lincoln talks to the camera. "Remember this place, girls? Probably not. It's the creepy part of the woods. All the kids are too chicken to come here. Even Lucy."
Lana is shown looking around, scared. She clutches the rattle for protection.
"See? What'd I tell ya? But not me."
"Show yourself, mutant Bigfoot!" Lana bangs on a wrecked car with the rattle.
"Yeah, um...Lana thinks Bigfoot exists. You know how little kids are with their imaginations. Moving right along."
Clyde turns the phone to Lincoln, who's in front of a cave.
"Check out this cave I found. You bet I'm not brave enough to go in, huh? But I will."
Clyde hesitates, but follows his friend inside. Clyde cuts the camera. He starts again seconds later from another angle.
"What?" Lincoln said.
"Go on."
The inside of the cave is shown to be glittery.
"Look how beautiful this place is." Lincoln said, amazed. "It's pretty-"
Clyde cuts the camera again. He moves to a different angle.
"-the glitter shines-"
"Look natural; stay with me." Clyde said. He cuts again, new angle. Lincoln is standing by some crystals.
"-uhh, I found these crystals-"
Clyde cuts the camera again and goes back to his original angle.
"-for all to enjoy."
"I'm creating dynamics, Lincoln."
"Don't get artsy on me, Clyde."
Lincoln goes further into the cave, but Clyde notices a bunch of bats hanging on the ceiling. He and Lana back away in fear.
"What are you doing?" Lincoln asked.
"Ba-ba-ba-BATS!" Clyde yelled.
"Above you, Lincoln!" Lana pointed out.
Lincoln looked up as the bats hissed at them. He screamed.
"RUN AWAY!" The kids run away and Clyde films as he runs. He turns around to get a shot of the bats. Then the kids' running feet are shown again.
"HELP!" Lincoln yelled and screamed.
The filming has moved to the Loud house garage. Lincoln lays back in a sun lounge chair, looking every bit the emperor, while his friends mill about the garage.
"Hiya, girls! So anyway, here I am, all nice and safe in my cozy bachelor pad where all the kids show up to get my autograph. Yep, I'm that big."
A bunch of kids walk around. For some reason, they seem oddly two dimensional.
"Look, it's Chandler. The usual spot there, dork?" Lincoln signs his name, then speaks for Chandler, affecting an unnatural tone. "Sweet, Lincoln! You're cool, man."
Clyde is sure the charade won't fool anyone. "Oh, please."
"And there's Zach. Sign your shirt there, pal?" Lincoln signs it. At this point, Lana comes by, sprinkling cereal on the ground.
"They're hungry again, Lincoln." Lana was talking about the chickens,
"So feed them over there!" Lincoln said through gritted teeth. Liam is shown entering the garage, somehow. He sniffs the floor, following a trail.
"So older sisters, as you can see, I'm a big shot now. No more picking on little Lincoln, eh?"
Liam stands beside Lincoln, waiting for the white haired boy to notice him.
"Lincoln! Liam!" Clyde alerted.
"Liam? Did I forget to sign him? There ya go, man." Lincoln signs the farm boy's face. Liam looks miffed, but then becomes enraged.
"YOU VANDALIZED MAH FACE, AND YOU HAVE-"
A duplicate of Liam walks by. Liam picks it up, revealing it to be a cardboard statue carried by a chicken.
"-AND YOU HAVE STOLEN MAH CHICKENS YET AGAIN!" Liam sees Clyde filming. "Are you stealing mah soul with your film box?!"
"Why of course not, Liam." Clyde said nervously. "What gave you that impression?"
"I will release my rage now!"
"Wait, we can work this out!" Lincoln begged.
Punching sounds are heard and Lincoln is thrown into a wall, destroying some of the cardboard kids as he smashes through them. The chickens run amuck.
"Return mah chickens!" Liam yelled. Lana runs off yelling. "RETURN THEM!"
Liam storms towards the two Loud siblings. Meanwhile, the chickens go berserk and one of them flies towards Clyde.
"Shoo! Go away! Don't touch me!" Clyde gets knocked over, and the camera falls to the floor. The battery is about to die.
"Mommy!" Lincoln yelled.
"I think your sisters' got the picture, Lincoln." Clyde said, as he laid on the floor. Lincoln screamed. The camera's batteries die and the camera shuts off, effectively ending the movie.