Chapter 36: Who, What, Where, Loud

This parody is actually written by Gold Cartoonist. I decided to post it as a chapter of Loud, Loudd, n Louder

The story begins with Lincoln and Clyde in the kitchen making something. While Leni is busy playing with a yo-yo. "Now I know why you like these things so much, Linky. They're so much fun."

"Yeah they sure are Leni. But would you mind keeping it out of the way? We're kinda busy."

"Sure thing."

"Thanks for coming over to help Clyde. You haven't lived until you've tried one of my omelettes."

"No problem buddy. All we need are eggs."

"I'll get them Linky!" Leni tries to put the yo-yo aside, but her legs get all tangled up in the string. She tries to get a carton of eggs from the fridge, but suddenly she tripped and lets go. The carton flies into the air and falls on the floor, which makes the eggs in it break. "Oops. Sorry Linky."

Lincoln tried to hold in his frustration. "That's…..Okay. Just….please get a broom to clean this up."

As Leni leaves, Lincoln's about to blow his top, but Clyde stops him. "Breathe. Just breathe." Lincoln takes a deep breath and his anger dies down a bit. "There. Feel better?"

"A little. Thanks. I needed that."

"Well, that does it," Clyde said. "No eggs, no omelette, Lincoln."

"Great! Now what are we supposed to do? Mom and Dad don't have enough time or money for more eggs. Why if we had a chicken, we could…..wait a minute! That's it!"

"What's it?"

"We'll get ourselves a chicken! Then we could have as many eggs as we need and we wouldn't even have to pay!"

"That's a great idea! But where are we gonna get a chicken?"

"I think I know just the person we can get one from."

The kids are over at Liam's barn. "You fellers want to do what?" The young farm boy asked.

"We were wondering if we can borrow one of your chickens," Lincoln answered.

"But why?"

"You see," Clyde explains. "We were making omelettes, and there was an accident and we ran out of eggs. So we're trying to get a chicken to get more."

"Sorry fellas, but I'm afraid I can't give you any chickens." The two boys hung their heads in disappointment. "But I can give you something even better." Liam then takes out a single egg and holds it up.

"That's it? Just one measly egg?"

"Not just an egg, Lincoln. From this egg, you can hatch your own fowl."

"I don't get it?" Leni questions. "How will this one get us more eggs?"

"Don't you get it, Leni?" Lincoln tells her. "The chicken is inside the egg. Chickens don't just lay eggs, they come from eggs."

"However," Liam interrupted, "there is one favor I need to ask you."

"What is it? We'll do anything!"

"To get the egg, you must trade it for some sawdust. Don't ask why I need it. It's complicated."

"And just where are we supposed to get sawdust?"

"That's for you to figure out. If you can bring me some sawdust, then you can have the egg. Deal?"

"Deal," Lincoln said rather reluctantly.

Clyde, Leni and Lincoln then leave. "How in the world are we supposed to get sawdust for Liam?" Lincoln asked. "We don't even know who has any to give us."

"I do," Clyde said. "But there's a slight chance you might not like it."

The kids then arrive at Chandler's house. Lincoln is apparently not happy about it. "I don't like this!"

"Told you."

"Why do we have to be here?"

"Because Chandler is the only one who has more sawdust to do with."

"Aren't you forgetting how he treated us? He used me to get free stuff."

"I know, but what choice do we have? All we have to do is get the sawdust and that's it."

"Fine. But I'm still not happy about this."

Chandler is in the backyard taking care of a trash can full of sawdust by lugging it out of the shed. "Sawdust stinks! Doing chores stinks!" He grumbled.

"Hey Chandler." Lincoln and the others are seen standing behind.

"What do you want, Larry? I'm kinda busy here."

"First off, my name is Lincoln. And second, we're here to help you out. I mean, we couldn't help but notice that's a lot of sawdust you have, so we would love to save you the trouble of getting rid of it yourself by having us dispose of it for you. If that's cool?" Lincoln nervously awaits an answer.

"Alright, fine. You guys can have it."

"Yes!"

"I'll trade you for….painting my shed."

"What!? Forget it! You can paint your own shed!"

"Alright, fine. I'll just take this sawdust and…."

"No wait! We'll do it! So….where's the paint?"

"What paint?"

"How are we supposed to paint a shed with no paint?"

"You figure it out, Loud." Chandler walks off, leaving Lincoln feeling pretty annoyed.

"You know," Leni suggested. "I think Luan might have some paints at home we can use."

"Let's go see," Clyde says.

Back at the Loud house, Luan is busy painting a mural. She then turns around and sees the trio in the doorway.

"Hey Luan." They greeted.

"Hey guys. And Lincoln, if you're here to ask me about my next party gig, you don't have to. Because in case you've forgotten, it's your day off."

"It's not that Luan. You see, we were wondering if we could borrow your paints?"

"Sorry little bro. But I need these. This mural isn't gonna paint itself, you know."

Lincoln groaned. "Let me try." Clyde steps forward. "Pardon me, Luan. If it's not too much trouble, perhaps we could interest you in a trade?"

"A trade? Hmm…..okay. I'll trade you my paints, for clams."

"Clams?!" Lincoln says. "Where are we supposed to get clams?"

"Not my problem. No clams, no paint."

The three kids are running from door to door asking the same question. "Can you spare some clams?"

"Pardon me, you wouldn't happen to have any clams, would you?

"Say, you haven't seen any clams around here, have you?"

"Could we borrow a cup of clams?"

"Can Lincoln come out and play?" Leni asked.

"I'm right next to you Leni," Lincoln answered.

"Hi Linky!"

Suddenly, they heard a noise coming from the sewer. A manhole cover is pushed aside and Lana comes out with her pet frog, Hops and a bucket of clams. "Boy, Hops. You sure are hard to beat when it comes to gathering clams."

"Clams?" Clyde asked.

"Is that Lana?" Leni said as she and the others ran towards the young tomboy."

"How convenient, yet ironic," Lincoln said rather dumbfounded. "Hey Lana!"

"Oh, hey guys!" She greets. "Whatcha up to?"

"Oh not much. Listen, we need to borrow your clams for a little while."

Lana looks a little surprised, but then starts to laugh hysterically, but then stops laughing as soon as she realized that Lincoln's not joking. "Oh, you're serious. Well…. I don't know if I can let you borrow it, but if you can find something to trade for, then you're welcome to have it."

"Aaugh! Another trade?! Fine! What do you want?"

"We want an anchor."

"An anchor?! Forget it! I'm out of here!" Lincoln is about to take off, but Clyde stopped him.

"Lincoln! Calm down! You wanna get that egg, don't you? If we give Lana what she wants, then we can complete the trade. What do you say, buddy?"

Lincoln starts to calm down a bit and then thinks for a minute. "Alright. But if this trade charade keeps going on, I'm gonna go crazy!"

Just then, there's a mysterious visitor at a nearby house. The door opens and the people who answered it are revealed to be Hawk and Hank. And the mysterious visitor appears to be the trio standing on top of each other in a trench coat, with Lincoln being on top. "Hello?"

"Yes hello?" The 'tall man' says in a deep voice. "We're doing a survey, and….oh, I mean uh….. I'm doing a survey and….."

"No one's interested. Come back later." Hank said.

"Oh, of course. But I was just wondering, how many anchors do you own?"

"Say, don't I know you from somewhere?"

"No…..why would you say that?"

"You look awfully familiar. And you're kinda shrimpy for such a 'tall' man."

"Well that's because I….."

Just then, Leni pops her head out of the coat. "I'm the legs." Just then the whole costume collapsed.

"Well, we're exposed," Clyde lamented.

"Hey! It's those twerps who tricked us on Halloween! Let's get them!"

The three kids get scared and run away as Hawk and Hank chase after them. After a while, they managed to get away.

In the park, Lana is seen on a swing with Hops. "Ah, listen to the clams gurgle in the bucket, Hops."

"Here's your anchor, Lana." Lincoln hands his little sister a rope tied to a big rock. "I'd love to stay and chat but we really have to get going!"

Lincoln takes the bucket of clams and tries to rush off with it, but Lana pulls him back with a lasso tied to his foot. "Nice try bro, but I'm not buying it. Just because I'm 6 doesn't mean I'm an idiot."

"Alright! Alright! We couldn't get an anchor," Lincoln admitted. "But could we at least trade for something else?"

Hops whispers into Lana's ear and Lana answers her brother's question. "Okay, Hops wants to trade."

Later, Lynn is seen playing badminton with Margo. Just then, Lincoln, Leni and Clyde approach her. "Hey Lynn," her brother greeted. "How's it going?"

"What is it, Stinkin'?" The young athlete replied. "I'm kinda in the middle of something here."

"Okay, one: please stop calling me that, and two: we need to borrow your racquet for a while."

"And just what exactly do you need my racquet for?"

"We need it to trade for a chicken, please?" Leni begged.

"Okay. I'll trade you for a giant teddy bear."

"When will it end?" Lincoln asked exasperated.

Leni drags the two boys away. "Let's go ask Lola."

Lola is in her room having one of her tea parties when she hears a knock at the door. She goes up to it and looks through the peephole. "What do you want?"

She sees that Lincoln, Leni and Clyde are right in front of her door. "Giant teddy bear?"

"Plums."

Lincoln's about to lose his mind but then takes a breath to ease his frustration. "What is going on today?!"

"Plums are good for you Lincoln." Clyde said as they leave.

The kids are once again back at Liam's who is seen picking plums from a tree. "So, you fellas are back here wanting plums this time? Do you not want the egg?"

"Yes! We want the egg!" Lincoln said exasperated. "But we need these plums first!"

"Ah! No plums! I'm still waiting for the sawdust! I weren't born yesterday."

"Alright. I guess there's only one thing left to do. How about we trade?"

"And what could you possibly have that I'd want to trade for?"

Lincoln reached into his pocket and pulls out a comb. "Well I've got my lucky hair comb. Will that do?"

"I've already got plenty of those, thank you. Got anything else?"

"I could give you one of Lana's baseball caps."

"I've got a whole box full of baseball caps."

"How about some spandex?"

"Nah! Too tight."

"Hairbrush?"

"Got one."

"Well what about…" Lincoln pulls out an abacus. "...whatever this is?"

"That's an abacus Lincoln," Clyde corrected.

"I've got a yo-yo," Leni interrupted.

"It's over Clyde," Lincoln lamented. "No egg, no chicken, no omelette."

Just then they hear laughing and see Leni showing Liam the yo-yo and having fun with it. "You know, I'm not sure what it is about these things, but they sure are amusing."

Lincoln sees this as an opportunity. "So Liam, think we could work something out after all?"

"I guess so. Tell you what, I'll give you the plums you need to complete the trade, but only if I get to keep the yo-yo."

"Deal!"

The kids then go from place to place trading the plums for the bear, the bear for the racquet, the racquet for the clams, the clams for the paint, the paint for the sawdust and finally take the sawdust back to the barn. "Here you go Liam. We got your sawdust as promised."

"Well, looks like the trade is complete. Alright fellers, a deal is a deal. Here you go." Liam hands over the egg."

"Yes! Finally!"

"You know if you need help building an incubator," Clyde offered. "I'm here for you buddy."

"Oooh! Let me see it!" Leni takes the egg and holds it.

Lincoln panics. "Leni, wait!"

"Aw, so tiny. You must be cramped in there. Fly, chicken, fly!" Leni opens the eggshell, which in turn makes a mess. "Guys, I think the chicken's gone bad."

Lincoln, having officially had it, fell backwards with his eyes closed and fainted. Leni looks concerned.

"Don't worry," Clyde reassured. "He'll be fine in about 3 hours. Or within the next story," he whispered to the audience. "Whichever comes first."