And now here's a parody of the episode: Avast Ye Eds
Lincoln and his friends were down by a river in the forest. They had gotten an inner tube which they were using to stay afloat in the river.
"This thrill ride isn't so thrilling." Zach said as they were going at a slow pace.
"Yeah, who's idea was this?" Rusty questioned.
"It was yours Rusty." Lincoln said.
"Oh, right."
"I like the steady pace." Clyde said. "I'd get seasick if I went too fast."
"Well, Ah reckon there must be some other way we can make this ride more exciting." Liam said.
Then Lincoln noticed something on land. "Guys, look! I think that's a motor boat over there! Let's go check it out!"
The five boys went on land to get a closer look.
"It is a motor boat." Lincoln confirmed.
"Looks like it was abandoned." Liam said.
"And it's dirty." Clyde pointed out as he noticed the stains.
"Then we'll clean it up." Lincoln said. "We can make this our new ride. A motor boat cruise. It'll be like we're on a real cruise ship."
"Well, forget my lame idea." Rusty said. "I'm totally in!"
"Count me in too!" Zach said.
"Me three." Liam said. "Sounds like it'll be one heck of an adventure."
"Well, it does sound fun, so I'm in too." Clyde stated.
"Then it's settled." Lincoln said. "Let's get prepared for the cruise."
The boys cheered.
"You're the man with the plan Lincoln." Zach commented.
Soon, the boys were ready for their river cruise. They had tested the motor and luckily, it worked. They had made their own sail which was consisted with a pole, hockey stick, and a blanket sheet. Lincoln, Clyde, and Zach were in the boat which was by the bridge. Lincoln was wearing a captain's hat and sunglasses, standing at the front of the boat and Clyde and Zach were looking through the cooler. They were waiting for Rusty and Liam, who had gone off to pee somewhere. The two boys returned.
"Finally!" Zach said. "Let's get a move on!"
Rusty looked at the bridge. "Are you sure this bridge is safe?"
"It's totally safe." Lincoln stated.
The two boys walked on the bridge, but then they fell through it into the water.
"Oh, I meant it was safe for one person at a time. Sorry." Lincoln and Clyde helped the two boys onto the boat.
"Welcome aboard the cruise, gentlemen. You both looked like drowned rats. Here's a complimentary towel." Lincoln hands Rusty a towel. "Don't lose it. It's the only one we've got."
"I've never been on an actual cruise before." Liam said.
"I have." Rusty said. "There were a bunch of cute ladies onboard."
Clyde blew on a bottle, creating a loud conch shell effect. "We're set for launch, Captain Lincoln."
"Everybody comfy?" They nodded. "Let's set sail! Zach, start the engine."
Zach started the motor engine and the boat went off. The boys cheered.
"Hey sailor, I'm starved." Rusty said, referring to Clyde. "What have you got in the treasure chest?"
Clyde looked in the "treasure chest", which was really the cooler. "I've got complimentary scones that are really good and they help prevent scurvy."
Everyone took a scone.
"Anything to prevent scurvy." Zach said.
"Land ho!" Lincoln yelled.
"Huh? Where, Lincoln?" Liam asked.
"Land over there." Lincoln pointed to his right. "And land over there." He pointed to his left.
Lincoln and the others chuckled while Liam looked confused. "It's a joke Liam, lighten up."
Meanwhile, the two bullies, Hank and Hawk, were taking a walk through the forest.
"Dude, all this nature walking is making my feet sore." Hank complained.
"Dude, all your complaining is making me want to complain." Hawk replied. Then they heard Lincoln's voice. "Dude, you hear that? I recognize that voice."
The bullies walk over and spot the five fifth graders cruising in their boat.
"Torque up the tommy-hose!" Lincoln yelled.
"It's that white haired dork and those other dorks!" Hawk said.
"Hey, isn't that the boat we found yesterday?" Hank noticed.
"Yeah man. Those dorks stole it when we were going to steal it! They're gonna pay!"
"But how do we catch them?"
Hawk thought, and noticed a cabin nearby. He saw some stuff inside and got an idea. Back with Lincoln and his friends, the boys were sailing further away.
"Tote that yard sprinkler!" Lincoln yelled. "Batten down the poop deck!"
Zach was sitting on top of the boat, looking through a telescope. Lincoln's voice was heard in a speaker which was on the mask. Not very clear though.
"Is this thing on?"
"Yes Lincoln, just speak into the mic." Clyde said.
"What, this?"
"Yes!"
"Ok, ok." Lincoln's voice was heard clearly now. "Welcome passengers, I'm Captain Lincoln, the captain of this cruise, where you pay ten bucks for riding."
"What?!" Rusty and Liam exclaimed.
"Just kidding, it's totally free. I'd like you to sit back, relax, and enjoy the soothing sounds of 88 Fingers McBride!"
Liam and Rusty clapped for Clyde.
"This instrument is so annoying." Clyde groaned. Clyde began to play the pedal steel guitar, and he was really good at it. The other boys were speechless as their jaws dropped in astonishment. Clyde could also play the instrument with his feet and without even looking as he took out a book and read.
Liam is lying in the boat. "This cruise has been great and all, but it's lacking adventure."
"Captain Lincoln, we've run out of refreshments." Rusty said.
"I'm on a break, Rusty. Do you mind?"
Then Liam noticed something. "Captain Lincoln, look!"
"What is it Zach?"
Zach looked through the telescope and saw the jock bullies on a raft, coming closer to them. "Uh oh! We've got company Lincoln!"
"What is it? Let me see!" Zach threw the telescope at Lincoln. Lincoln picked it up and looked. He saw the bullies close up on their raft and they had on pirate gear.
"Hey chumps!"
"Pirates!" Lincoln yelled.
"Pirates?" Rusty and Clyde said in unison, as they both got nervous.
"Pirates?" Liam said excitedly.
Rusty clung onto Liam. "Pirates like to roughhouse! I'm scared!"
"Do they?" Liam said more excitedly.
"What do you guys want?" Lincoln asked the jocks.
"We want that motorboat!" Hawk yelled. "We were gonna steal it for ourselves!"
"Well, it's our boat now, right guys?" Lincoln's friends, except Liam, looked intimidated.
"So you want to do this the hard way, huh?" Hawk glared. "Hank, fire the cannonballs!"
Hank took out a bag of "cannonballs", which were really sport balls. He threw them over to the fifth graders as they dodged them. Rusty got hit.
"Clyde, can you make the engine speed up?" Lincoln said.
Clyde goes up to the engine. He sets it to a faster mode and the boat speeds off.
"Our treasure's getting away!" Hank yelled.
"Not for long." Hawk goes over to a weed whacker attached to the back of the raft. He starts it and lowers it in the water, making the raft sped up.
"Cool! We're being chased by pirates!" Liam said excitedly.
"Somebody get me off this merry go round called life!" Rusty panicked.
Clyde's face turns green. "I'm getting sick!"
At the raft, the two bullies set up their sail which had a skull on it. They get closer to the five boys.
"When we get to shore, we'll get off and run like cowards." Lincoln assured.
"Um, Lincoln?" Zach noticed the jocks getting up close.
"Thank me later, Zach."
Then Lincoln noticed. The jocks sped their raft around the motor boat, causing the water to splash onto the fifth graders.
"Lincoln, I'm so wet!" Clyde complained.
"Aw, did we get you guys wet?" Hawk mocked. "Our bad."
"Now how do you like your faces?" Hank cracked his knuckles. "Fried or scrambled?"
Then Rusty saw something. He pointed up. "Oh, look!"
The others looked up and saw Liam on top of the jocks sail. He used a baguette like a sword to tear the sail in half as he slid down it.
"Wow, just like Errol Flynn." Rusty said, impressed.
"Hey, that kid's ripping our sail!" Hank said, stating the obvious.
Liam jumped into the water and swam back to the boat. The others helped him in and cheered for him.
"Wait to go Liam!" Clyde said.
"Man, we can't let those dorks get away with this." Hawk said. "Time for the heavy artillery."
"What do you have in mind?" Hank asked.
Hawk took out a stink filled water balloon. "The stink bomb!"
He took out a slingshot and fired the balloon at the other boys. It landed in their boat.
"A water balloon?" Zach said. The balloon started beeping like a time bomb.
"It's a stink bomb! Hit the deck!" Lincoln yelled. The five boys jumped off the boat and swam to shore. The balloon exploded, covering the boat in garbage. Then the boat headed down a waterfall.
"The boat!" Hank and Hawk cried. Then they realized they were heading down the waterfall. They screamed as they fell down.
"Well, there goes our boat." Liam said disappointed.
"It wasn't really our boat." Clyde said. "Maybe we shouldn't have borrowed it without permission."
"Clyde's right." Lincoln said. "That boat must've had an original owner. I wonder who it belonged to?"
The two jocks had swam to shore, soaking wet.
"Man, that sucked." Hank said.
"Yeah, and we lost the stinking boat." Hawk said angrily.
"Wait dude, look!" Hank pointed to the boat, which had crashed into a tree and was now damaged. They ran over to it.
"Aw man, it's totaled!" Hawk said.
"Maybe we can get it fixed." Hank said.
"My boat!" The two jocks saw gym teacher, Coach Pacowski in front of them. "What did you boys do to my boat?!"
"Coach Pacowski?!"
"I'm gonna tear you two limb from limb!" Coach Pacowski yelled angrily. The jocks screamed and ran away as the coach chased after them.