Chapter 29: Wish You Were Loud

Based on the episode: Wish You Were Ed

Zach and Rusty are riding down the sidewalk. Zach on a scooter and Rusty on a bike. They meet up with Stella, who's roller skating.

"Hey Stella, cool skates." Zach commented.

"Thanks. You guys have nice rides too."

"Yeah, I like to hog the road with this bad boy." Rusty said, referring to his bike.

"Speaking of road hogs." Zach, Rusty, and Stella noticed Liam riding his pig. He was sitting in a crate that had a rope tied around it and the pig. He was holding a fishing rod with a apple attached to it.

"Hey fellers, feast your eyes on my hot shot wagon. Pretty spicy huh?"

"I've got heartburn!" Rusty laughed, along with Stella and Zach.

"Boy, how stupid can you get?" Zach said.

"Oh, I'll make you eat yer words." Liam challenged. "We should have a race!"

"A race? You're on." Rusty accepted, along with Zach and Stella.

The four kids lined up for the race.

"Where to, dude?" Rusty asked Liam.

"We race to the Ye Olde Grub Cantina."

"Huh?" Rusty, Stella, and Zach were confused.

"I meant Gus Games n Grub."

The others excitedly raced off, leaving Liam behind. "Well, their enthusiasm is brave, but enough buffoonery."

He takes out a picture of a sow and shows it to Wilfred. "Come Wilfred, go like the speed of cabbage!"

Wilfred runs off so fast that Liam's crate comes loose. He falls face first on the ground. "Dang it."

He sits up. Lincoln and Clyde walk over playing their game consoles.

"Ok Clyde, jump over this lava pit." Lincoln told him.

"Aw man, not another pit."

Lincoln noticed Liam sitting on the sidewalk and paused his game. "Hey Liam, what's up?"

"I'm heartbroken." Liam sighs. Lincoln and Clyde stare at him, then at each other as there's an awkward silence. Liam breaks the silence. "My keister is cold."

"Your what?" Lincoln said.

"Ah grow tired of this cold cement, this twisted steel of industry, these confusing leisure delights, and those brain rotting game devices! Ah sweat myself to understand your modern go go world. But I yearn for the simple life. The life I once had in mah old country."

He takes out a picture of himself in his old home town. He's dressed in a cowboy outfit as he's riding a pig. Liam's eyes become watery upon seeing this.

"Are you alright Liam?" Clyde asked.

"Mah heart! Mah heart! It's broken! Ah yearn for the old southern town!" Saddened, he walks off with his crate and pig.

"Poor Liam." Lincoln said with concern.

"It must be difficult to adapt to a new way of life." Clyde said. "To put aside handed down beliefs and pulled between two cultures."

"So Liam's homesick. But I have a plan."

"Let me guess. You're going to make Liam believe he's back in his old home town."

"You know me too well, Clyde."

Liam was back at his farm, feeding the animals and looking depressed. Lincoln and Clyde are seen walking towards the farm. Clyde is wearing a robot costume, which was part of Lincoln's plan.

"There he is." Lincoln pointed.

"Ok, let's get this over with." Clyde said. "It's kinda hard to walk in this metal suit."

"He's coming this way. You know the drill Clyde."

Clyde starts acting like a robot.

"Hey Liam, check out this cool human sized robot toy!"

"How in holy Hannah did you get that?" Liam questioned.

"I just wished for one and presto chango, I got one!"

"Hard to believe, isn't it?" Clyde muttered sarcastically.

Liam got curious. "Wait! Tell me more about this hocus pocus as I have wishes too."

"Behold!" Lincoln takes out a shoe. "The magical shoe!"

"Which is really Lana's old sneaker." Clyde muttered.

"What's that stench?" Liam said as there was an odor coming out of the shoe.

"That's the stench of destiny." Lincoln replied. "Believe in the stench Liam. As it grants your wish, no matter what it is."

"Lincoln, could the shoe take pity on me and grant me back to my home land?"

"Yes."

"Can I speak to the shoe?"

"It's all yours, man." Lincoln tossed the shoe over to Liam.

"Oh sweet Mama!" Liam said excitedly. He inspected the shoe. "Is there a manual for this?"

"Just make your wish and take a whiff from the smell of destiny."

"He doesn't have to smell the-"

Lincoln shushed Clyde.

"Oh magic shoe, grant mah wish and take me to mah home!" Liam took a big whiff from the shoe and Lincoln couldn't help but chuckle. The stench was strong enough to knock him out. He spun around in circles as he was dazed and fell down onto his back.

When Liam awoke, he saw that he wasn't at his farm. Or in Royal Woods. It was a southern town. "Could it be?"

Liam rushes over to a well. He takes a ladle hung on the side and drinks some of the water, but he finds a grasshopper in it and spits it out. "The water is fouled with infestation. Mah wish has been granted! YEE-HAW! I'M BACK!"

It's shown that the town and building background are made of cardboard props to make it seem like a southern land. It shows that he's really in the construction site. Liam happily rolls around in the dirt as Lincoln and Clyde watch him.

"I knew this encyclopedia of old world culture would come in handy." Clyde said, holding out an encyclopedia.

"Good." Lincoln said. "Liam is satisfied, so let's leave him alone right now."

"But Lincoln, we can't just leave. We have to see this through. Liam has a wish."

"Oh, you're right."

"Hello? Butcher?" Liam was at a butcher's meat stand, where the meat was made out of cardboard. "Come quickly. I wish to purchase this drumstick."

"Did Liam say purchase?" Lincoln went to the stand, dressed as a southern butcher, including a mustache. He spoke in a southern accent. "Howdy there, fella. Ah heard you wanted to purchase a drumstick."

"That's right." Liam used a rope to lasso a cactus over. He sat on the cactus but didn't seem to feel any pain. "Are ya ready, butcher?"

Lincoln was confused and walked over to Clyde, who was behind cardboard. "What the heck is he doing?"

Clyde checked in his encyclopedia. "It's one of his customs, Lincoln. The barterers shall sit on the cactuses. Interesting. In order to conduct any market negotiations."

"That's...weird." Lincoln commented.

"Come on butcher!" Liam called as he was waiting. Lincoln pushed Clyde out, who was dressed as a southern belle with blonde hair.

"Meet the wife. She handles the market stuff." Lincoln walked away. Clyde sat on a cactus but found it uncomfortable.

Liam kisses Clyde's hand. "Nice to meet you, ma'am."

Clyde was grossed out by the kiss. Lincoln giggled.

"Enough formalities." Liam took a drumstick. "How much for the drumstick?"

"Well, uh, let's see now, um, how about three horseshoes?" Clyde offered.

"I'll give you...two chickens." Liam offered.

"Chickens?" Lincoln said.

"Sounds fair." Clyde accepted. "Thank you."

"What? Do you not want four chickens?" Liam questioned.

"I'll be happy to take four. Four chickens it is."

"I said two."

"Four chickens and a rubber band?"

"Two chickens!"

"My butt is killing me! Two chickens then."

"Hold it mister," Lincoln said. "This butcher only takes cash."

Liam holds out the chickens and Lincoln takes them anyway.

"I bet Lana would want these."

"Thank you southern butcher and wife." Liam said as he walked off with his fake drumstick. "I'm beside myself for I'm home again!"

Liam is seen digging a hole. Lincoln, who's now dressed as a cowboy, walks up to him with a wheelbarrow full of rocks.

"That's a mighty fine hole ya dug there."

"Do you like it?"

"This town requires a hole digging permit. So unless you buy one, you're gonna have to eat one of these rocks."

"Shh!" Liam says a bunch of nonsensical words.

"What?" Lincoln was confused. Suddenly, someone dug their way onto the surface. It was a southern boy wearing a cowboy hat and overalls.

"Howdy y'all!"

Liam gasps. "Cousin Davey?"

"Who?" Lincoln said.

"This is my southern cousin Davey."

"Looks like I done dug mah way back to the old southern town." Davey said.

"Well, I made a wish on a magic shoe and found myself back here. Now that we're both back home, we should have a celebration!"

"Uh, sure. Why not?" Lincoln said.

He pointed at Clyde. "Southern lady, play the old popular southern song."

Clyde took out a banjo and looked through a songbook. "Southern songs, southern songs." He found the right song titled "That's My Cow". "That's my cow?"

Clyde played the song. And surprisingly, he could play the banjo pretty well. Liam started dancing.

"Come on Davey, you know this song."

Davey began to dance with Liam.

"That's my cow!" Liam slapped Davey.

"That's my cow!" Davey slapped Liam back.

Liam punched Davey. "No, that's my cow!"

"It's my cow!" Davey pushed Liam. The two southerns laughed. Liam got a barrel and hit Davey with it.

"That's my cow!"

"Weird song, but I actually like it." Lincoln said.

"That's my cow!" Davey hit Liam with a wheelbarrow.

"What an entertaining dance." Clyde said.

"You ain't whistling Dixie, brother." Lana said, who just showed up.

"Lana?" Lincoln and Clyde said in unison.

"She can't be here!" Clyde panicked. "This is an old southern town!"

Lincoln pushed his little sister away. "Sorry Lana, you don't belong here."

"Why not?"

"Because...you need a passport."

"You're not the boss of me, Lincoln!"

Lana walked off.

"Phew. That was close." Lincoln said. But Lana didn't leave and ran right back into the fake town.

"Clyde, she's making a run for it!"

"Lana, stop please! Liam can't see you!"

Davey was thrown onto Clyde. Lana ran into Liam. Lincoln kicked her away and she hit a cardboard building.

"That was a blonde haired rodent." Lincoln said to Liam. "They're a real problem in this town."

"Rodents make a fine hamburger." Liam stated.

"Sure they do. You get the buns and I'll get the rodent."

Lincoln pushed Liam away. A cardboard building fell onto Lincoln.

"Golly. I'm getting out of here!" Lana ran off but bumped into another background which was knocked down. Liam noticed this and realized the truth.

"This is no southern town."

"Uh oh." Clyde said worriedly.

"Wait, y'all mean to tell me you ain't southerners?" Davey questioned.

"You've made a darn fool out of me!" Liam said angrily. "Why I oughta-"

"Liam, wait! Let me explain!" Clyde said, who was now in his usual clothes. "You know what they say. Curiosity killed the cat. Wait, wrong analogy."

Liam marched angrily towards Lincoln and Clyde.

"We were just trying to bring back your cultural heritage!" Lincoln explained, as he was now wearing his normal attire.

"Oh, is this so? Let me teach you then." Liam got the banjo and began to play "That's my Cow." His cousin was dancing.

"Come on Clyde, Liam and the hillbilly want to celebrate."

"That's my cow!" Davey picked up Lincoln, spun him around and threw him against a background.

"It's your cow, it's your cow!" Clyde cowered in fear.

"No, like this." Davey makes Clyde hit him. Clyde holds his hand in pain.

"Ok Davey, it's my cow!"

"No, wait, it's my cow!" Davey advances towards the two boys as they beg for mercy.

"Come on everybody!" Liam joyfully plays the last notes of the song.