When the door opened, the Senator was sitting on her bed, both hands resting next to her thighs. She looked up at me with vacant eyes. The window behind her back was wide open. The wind of the approaching storm pushed wildly through it, occasionally picking a lock of her hair up. She did not blink. I stepped in and the door closed behind me. It was dark, only the light from the new table lamp illuminated the small room.

'Why are you here Cassian?' she asked dryly.

My eyebrows furrowed slightly. I knew what she meant. And she knew I knew.

'Hope keeps me here' I replied.

'And what fuels this hope?' she blinked wearily. In the bluish light of the lamp she looked almost like a ghost.

'Strange that you're the one who's asking me that' I said, leaning back against the door. 'Mon Mothma'

'Maybe I'm not allowed?' she snapped. Her voice shook with anger.

I was stunned. The next breath she took was raspy, but by the time she spoke again, her voice went calm.

'Why are you sitting in the same place all the time? On the stone next to the canteen'

'Curiosity'

'Bullshit'

Her reaction suddenly made me forget, what I wanted to say. I needed a moment.

'From there you can see most of the base and hangar. What man wouldn't spend his free time watching ships landing and taking off?

'And I thought, you would be the one who would be honest with me' she smiled and bowed her head.

'All right' I said now angrily, and folded my arms in front of my chest. 'You're either a predator or prey in this galaxy. I've made a choice. I've become a predator to stay alive. But a predator can easily become prey if he's not careful. And a predator never leaves himself open to attack. He tries to keep most of the open space in front of him, within his field of vision. If possible, he leans his back against the wall to reduce the chance of attacks. Because the predator fears for his life aswell! And I'm afraid!' slipped out of my mouth involuntarily.

She raised her head and looked me in the eye again.

'If it makes you happy!' I retorted shaking and swallowed my next words back.

'I'm scared too' she said dazedly. 'I haven't even dared to close my eyes for a while'

I squinted to get a better look at her in the dim light. Her eyes were red indeed, but also the skin around them. She probably hadn't slept for days.

'I don't dare, because I feel as if I were dead' she began in a hushed voice, 'The darkness reminds me of too many things, and only a few of them would be enough to make me give myself up and stop being afraid. To die rather than see them again. And I cannot tell anyone this' she looked up. 'I'm alone, Cassian. I'm all alone. Even crying is only allowed at times like this. When everyone's asleep, but me' she began to sob.

I walked up to her and knelt down. Reaching under her chin, I slowly lifted her head again. Her eyes were cold again, her face calm.

'That's all the weakness I could afford, I guess. Before it turns out I'm still a human being and not a machine. You might agree'

I just stared at her for a minute. Behind her, the storm was getting louder. The wind was blowing raindrops at us. And in front of the forces of nature sat Mon Mothma, staring at me blankly, as if for the first time she was really looking deep into my eyes as nobody else before. My words just formed themselves.

'I know you get asked every day, Senator, what's the plan?' I put my hand on hers, but she pulled her away. 'What next, Senator?' I continued, and heard her swallow. 'Where's the money, Senator? What's the task? But no one ever asks you how you feel. How can you stand it and for how much longer. That's what makes you so endlessly lonely. And the fact that you're not letting your tears out now is what makes you a machine'

She buried her face in her palms quickly, muffling her voice as she burst into sobs again.

I placed my hands on her thighs and slowly opened them. Her eyes widened and she took my hand immediately. I waited, but she did not push it away. I slowly slipped her dress up her thighs like one silk on another. She looked at me in panic, but did not move away.

'I want to know if you're still human. And I want to know if I can still be human. I have no feelings for you, Senator. As I don't have for anyone else anymore. Nothing that would frighten you' I said and she slowly let go of my hands.

'I help you close your eyes. And you'll remind me what my life was like when there weren't so many clouds in the sky'

I placed a kiss on the soft skin of her thigh. She gasped. Then I kissed her closer and closer, till I reached her middle. As I opened her legs wider, I looked up at her again. Her turquoise eyes were desperate and pleading at the same time.

I pushed her panties aside and kissed her flesh. She gasped laudly. She grabbed my shoulders and tried to push me away, but with so little force that her movement nearly asked me to continue. When my tongue started to move in circles, her muscles tightened. I looked up.

All I could see was her alarmed hunger, and all we could hear, the thunders around us.

'The horror we see infects us all. And the danger that tears us apart if we chose to trust someone' I said. 'But they only win if you let them kill the human out of us. Don't let that happen, Senator. Be stronger than I was'

She stared at me, frozen. Then, my mouth was on her clit again. She grabbed my hair and leaned forward gasping. The walls of the small room echoed her voice. I continued, more and more intensely. Then looked up. She was still looking at me afraid, uncertain, like the very first time. On Chandrila. I sucked her already pulsing flesh. Her pupils dilated.

'Cassian' she breathed. I stopped. Her lips parted, but not another word escaped her. I straightened up.

'What do you want from me?' I asked quietly and leaned back a little. Her voice was shaking as she took her next breath. Unconsciously, her hand went to the bottom of her skirt, which her fingers pulled even higher up her hips.

'Eat me' she panted, her eyes still fixed on mine. 'Please'

A moment later my head was between her legs again and I was teasing her clit with firm movements. When I sucked, she moaned. Louder and louder. Her voice sounded like a beautiful musical instrument, which every time died into a sigh.

She stroked along her neck, all the way down to her breasts. Her inner muscles tightened. I could feel her legs shaking as she pushed her hips forward. I sped up.

Suddenly she tried to push me away. I grabbed her hips instead so she couldn't move an inch. For a moment she gripped the edge of the bed and tried to pull away, but suddenly, grabbed my hair again and started panting. I knew she was very close to climax.

I looked up at her. Those turquoise eyes were black. Her mouth was open as she tried to catch her breath. My lips slowly found their place again and I sucked her. Her eyes closed immediately. Her head snapped back and she cried out.

The walls still echoed her voice as she leaned on my shoulder exhausted. My hands rested on her back. When she stopped shaking, I stood up and looked out of the small window. The storm had died. The sound of night birds had taken its place.

I looked down at her. Her face was a simultaneous expression of pleasure, sorrow, relief and exhaustion. She sat up on the bed and pushed back her skirt.

I made the following movements in monotone, almost unaware of what I was doing.

I sat down next to her and pulled her down on the bed with me. The Senator lay down and cuddled up to me like a little Loth-cat.

I wrapped my arms around her waist mechanically. I could no longer recall the sensation, but I still remembered the movement. Though I could feel her heart beating hard through her thin dress, I felt nothing else. Yet my finger, almost of its own accord, stroked down her back. Then again and again. Like a lullaby. Not a minute passed when I felt Mothma's breathing deepen. I looked down, just to see her finally nodding off.

After that, I was looking at her face for a long time. She had changed too. She was not smoothed out by the silence of the night anymore, her mask was not put on the nail. Her eyelashes didn't move. She probably wasn't dreaming anymore. It was as still as a death mask. Only the small vein throbbing in her neck showed that she was alive.

I woke up to the cool morning air reaching the bare skin of my arm. I rubbed my eyes. It took me a moment to realize where I was. Mothma was soundly asleep on her side, exactly the same way she drifted off. She buried her face in my neck. Her arm rested on my waist.

I sat up, lifted her arm and climbed out beside her quietly. I put a blanket over her and headed for the door. That's when she spoke.

'Thank you' she breathed in her slumber.

I stopped and looked towards the faint voice. Suddenly I couldn't imagine where this frail woman could find the strength to carry the whole rebellion on her back. I couldn't understand how she hadn't collapsed yet. I didn't think about the next words, they just came out.

'I'll be always here, when your mask falls'

The senator turned to me and opened her eyes.

'And what happens if you go on a mission one day and don't come back? And only the memory of you will sit there every time I look towards the stone bench? What if you're just another ghost following me down the halls?'

'But you never looked in the direction of that damn bench' slipped out.

'A prey sees in a peripheral circle at least as wide as the predator Cassian. If not more. To stay alive'

For a short time I could not remember how to speak. Her gaze never left mine.

'I won't die so easily' I walked back and sat down on the bed beside her. "If I happened to not return to you, I'll give you something in return. Something to win your war' I said seriously.

What happened next, I was not prepared for. The Senator's lips touched mine. Her hand slid to the back of my neck, and all I could realize was that I was shivering into that small, soft and sweet sensation. She was kissing me. Her lips tasted like the summer fruits on Kenari. Like the sound of the wind in the foliage.

As suddenly as it started, she pulled away with a sigh. Then became deadly serious.

'You'd better come back instead' her voice trailed off. I sat there, devastated. Something stirred inside me. It wasn't pleasant and it hurt. But I felt it, I definitely felt something again.

I nodded quickly and hurried out of the room as if I was being chased. The last thing I saw then was her still glaring at my empty space.

That was not so long ago, but since then the world has turned upside down many times. However I can hardly think of anything else, but this. For I want you to be the last thing in my mind, when it happens. Now, when Jyn Erso is trembling in my arms from fear. Now, when death is only moments away and the killing light is coming towards us unstoppably. She trembles just as you did when I held you in my arms that night.

When I promised, I always come back to you. Automatically, out of habit, like an empty mantra, a dry nod. Without faith.

How many times have you been promised this?

And how many times have they not kept it?