Neon Genesis Evangelion is property of Hideaki Anno, this is a non-profit fanwork done for fun.

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Drink To Forget

"I was sho angry at you," Asuka said, her finger tracing the rim of the almost empty glass. "I had… I was waiting for you to do something brave and stupid. Tell me how pretty I was. Hold me. Kiss me. But you did nothing."

Even with his brain swimming in alcohol, even with the smell of sake dulling him and the taste of rum still itching in his throat; Shinji knew he had to defend himself. He frowned as he dragged the words through his inebriated mindfog and formed a coherent sentence.

"Was your fault," he said, taking it slow, adding pauses between syllables. Articulating had become a difficult task in that state. "How was I s'ppsed to know what you wanted?"

"That's the shtuppidest excus-"

"No. Lemme finish," Shinji raised his glass towards his lips, but it never arrived. He rocked his hand, back and forth, as if enjoying the noise of the ice cubes while he prepared his rant.

Someone burped. Probably him. Or it had been Asuka? Hard to tell.

"I…" Shinji said. "You… You know I hated myself back then. I didn't think… I would've never believed that others could love me, much less someone like you. Let's face it, you were out of my league!"

Asuka raised a finger to complain, but after thinking for a moment, she lowered it. With a mumbled "Yeah" she gave him the reason before taking a sip from her glass.

"Theref…" Shinji continued. "Threref... Therff… So, how could I'd ever imagined that you wanted me to say and do those things?"

"Oh, come on!" Asuka slammed her glass down. She began to speak in German before noticing and switching back to Japanese: "I gave you very obvious hints, you'shidiot!"

"Maybe thy're obvious in Europe, but you had no idea how we do things here. They made no sense! You made no sense!"

That comment earned him a kick, although Asuka had to try three times before successfully hitting his leg. Both of them pouted as they focused on glaring at their respective glasses. Had the other clients been paying attention, perhaps they could've sensed the tension between them, crackling like electricity in the air.

Of course, it could've been just the alcohol.

"But you're right," Shinji said, after a while and a sigh. He hunched in admission. "I should have done something. Anything. I shouldn't have been so scared. Maybe things would be different now," he drank from his glass. "And alright, some of your hints were kind of obvious."

"Meh," Asuka laid her head and shoulders on the bar, her forehead touching her glass. "I think I hated myself too, in a way. I thought I knew what I wanted, but I didn't, and I sent mixed signals everywhere. What a messed up, stupid girl I was..."

He looked at her. His eyes didn't dare to blurry the vision, despite how much Shinji had drunk.

Asuka, under dim orange light. Sitting on a stool, just like him. But the little girl was gone, she had been gone for a long time. He saw a woman in her late twenties, tall, with long legs ending in expensive red shoes of high heels. Her hair was no longer tied up by A10 clips, and it cascaded freely over her back and shoulders. She had chosen a yellow dress, so similar to the one from that day that seemed so far away, and yet Shinji could still remember vividly.

A more angular chin. Longer eyelashes. Less round cheeks, now painted pink by the alcohol. A nose that betrayed her foreign heritage almost as much as her hair, but that he found endearing. The eyes, however, hadn't changed. So blue, so deep, so lively… like the ocean that day.

"You're beautiful, Asuka," he said. Some voice inside his head panicked and told him it wasn't a good idea; but Shinji ignored it. Screw filters, screw proper etiquette, and screw what others could say or think. He didn't care. Not that night. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known. You're breathtaking."

"Aw thanksh," she said, blushing without shame because she knew her sake-reddened face would hide it. "Better late than never. And you've grown well, too…"

Shinji jumped in his seat when her hand went to his arm, with a grasp that was firm, gentle and sloppy at the same time.

"Look at watwegot here!" Asuka giggled, running her hand from Shinji's elbow to his shoulder. "You didn't have thish much muscle before! Have you been going to the gym?"

Before he could answer anything other than an awkward laugh, she cupped his cheeks with both hands. Shinji's breathing almost stopped, and tingles ran down his spine as her fingers caressed her skin. Not too different from what she had done then, in that blood-red beach at the end of the world.

"Mmmh," Asuka pouted. "Your cheekbones are more prominent. Your chin is different. You're not cute anymore," her expression changed to a smile not devoid of deviousness. "You're handsome!"

"Eh… Ah…" Shinji didn't have enough willpower to utter more complex words.

She leaned forward, with surprising balance and elegance considering their current situation. She approached her lips to his ears and whispered…

"My place is close. Let's go there and do what we should've done years ago."

The words felt like honey. They made his blood boil as desires held since teenagehood came back to life, roaring in his belly and below. His hands jolted forward and grabbed her arms, and the light in her eyes told her that she wanted that. She wanted that!

And the pain of the unsaid words, of the unasked dates, of the untaken risks, of the embraces and kisses that weren't; it vanished. The failures of the past didn't matter anymore. The past itself didn't matter anymore.

But the present did. And, for the presents sake, that panicked voice inside of Shinji spoke again, this time with enough strength to break through the inebriation and the libido

"I can't," Shinji said, each word painful, as he gently pushed her arms away. "I'm married now, Asuka. And, judging by that ring in your finger, you are too."

She looked at her hand, and the glitter of that silvery band doused the fires of her soul. Horror set in her eyes as she realized what had almost happened.

They broke eye contact.

"I'm sorry," Shinji said, for an instant sounding like he used to. "If it was just me… but I can't do this to my wife. You're beautiful, Asuka. You'll always be the most beautiful woman in my eyes… but I love her. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," she replied, still staring at the ring. "You stopped me from making a terrible mistake. I…" she closed her eyes and lowered her head until she felt the metal band against her skin. "I… I want you, Shinji; but it's him who I love."

"She…" he said, holding onto his glass as if it was a raft in a storm. "She saved me, Asuka. She helped me learn that I can love myself, that it's okay for me to be in this world, to want, and to hope; even if things disappoint me. I now know that I can be loved, because she does. When I fall, she helps me back on my feet, and I do the same for her."

"He helped me realize that I'm more than Eva," Asuka said. "I had always been. I don't need to seek the approval of others, and I don't need to push people away when they get too close. And if it hurts… well, that's part of life. But it doesn't matter, but regardless of what happens, come more Angels or just a boring desk job; he loves me for what I am. Just like I love him," she kissed her ring.

"She's amazing."

"He's wonderful."

"If things had gone differently, maybe…"

"Don't think of what ifs, Idiot Shinji. Just… Just don't. Not tonight, please."

"I'm sorry I can't love you."

"Don't…" she swallowed tears. "Your wife is very lucky."

"So is your husband."

Their eyes drifted further away, fearful of looking one last time, and what could happen if they did.

And the barman, who had seen the whole exchange while cleaning some glasses, rolled his eyes, sighed and said:

"You're married to each other."

They looked at the barman, then at one another. Then at the barman again, then at their hands.

His name was on her ring.

Hers was on his.

Asuka bursted out in deafening laughter. "Oh, my God! H… How mush did we drink?"

"This…" Shinji offered a sheepish smile to the universe. "Wow, this… is pretty embarrassing…"

"I can't believe it!" wheezing so much that her words were barely intelligible, Asuka leaned her whole body on Shinji's - it would be more accurate to say that she plopped onto him - and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Yeah, I…" Shinji left some money on the counter and pushed his glass aside. "I this is enough drinking for tonight…"

"Sho…" Asuka hiccuped. "What doya say? Wanna come to my place? I'm shure your wife won't mind!" she couldn't keep it together and fell down, in an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

Somehow, Shinji was able to catch her, pulling her closer in a reflex action, so close that he could smell the alcohol in her breath. He didn't mind. Asuka's laughter was filling his ears, a music he would never get tired of. Gone was the gloom of a moment ago. Such a lively laughter. Contagious, too.

She kissed his forehead. He helped her back to her feet. They waddled out of the bar, in a awkward yet sincere embrace, towards a home that was thankfully close and didn't have too many stairs.

The barman shook his head, unable to hide a smile. Every month it was the same with those two dorks.

Fin

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The main inspiration for this story was JimmyWolk's "Long Time No See." Go read it if you haven't, it's much better than this silly thing. I was also inspired by a short fan comic, although sadly I don't remember the title or the author :(

I think the whole story sounded better in my head. Maybe I should've kept it silly and comedic since the beginning, but I couldn't resist getting a bit more serious around the middle. Still, I hope you liked it.