Written for: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Ravenclaw
Summer 2014: Summer Jobs
Coffee Shop: Spiced Chai Spiral - Word: Spiral Ice Cream Stand: Cone - Double Scoop Cone - Draco Malfoy Also Written For:
The Houses Competition, round 6
Gryffindor, Transfiguration, drabble
Prompt: [Speech] "If I could turn back time and undo what I've done…"
Word Count: 998

Warnings/Trigger warnings: alcohol abuse

AU: Harry died at the Battle of Hogwarts. There's a deviation in what happened in canon in this story, but it's explained towards the end of the story.

Spiralling Guilt

Draco swirled the last of the firewhiskey in the bottom of his glass and leaned forward to put the empty bottle on the table in front of him. He managed it, but knocked it off balance as he pulled back his hand. It fell to the hardwood floor with an almighty echoing clatter.

He ran his hand through his hair in frustration. This spiral had been going on for too long. The Firewhiskey wasn't helping him this time.

Wizards around the country were raising glasses in honour of fallen friends at the Battle of Hogwarts, the ultimate sacrifices that had been made.

Well, this was Draco's way of celebrating their victory, he supposed: raising a whole bottle.

It was only a couple of days. A week, at most, he would allow himself. Then, he'd pick the pieces of himself back up again and get back to life.

.o0O0o.

Hermione should be working. The Auror office needed her, especially now Draco had been out for over two weeks. But this wasn't normal for Draco, and she'd heard on the grapevine that he'd sent in his notice.

She couldn't help but think about last year, and the year before. Draco always took that week off, he always had done. But every year, he came back looking more world weary than he had been before. No one ever asked him why.

So here she was, in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon.

Hermione approached the front doors of Malfoy Manor and knocked with trepidation.

No response.

She knocked again, louder, and called out his name, but still there was nothing.

She couldn't help but imagine the worst, so instead of waiting any longer, she tried the door handle.

The large oak door swung inwards. Hermione walked in.

It took several rooms before she found him. He was in a large empty room towards the back of the house with only a few old high back dining chairs and a low oak coffee table.

Draco was asleep, sitting back so deep in the chair he'd almost slid off it. An empty glass had fallen from his grip and smashed at his feet.

Hermione whispered a spell to clean up the broken glass before bringing a chair over to sit in front of him.

"Draco," she said, and reached forward to gently shake his knee.

He stirred, softly at first, and then with a start when he realised he wasn't alone. He sat up and tried to straighten out his hair and clothes.

"What're you doing here?" he asked, voice slurred.

"I came to check on a friend I hadn't seen in a while," Hermioned replied.

"I'm fine. Leave me alone," he replied, closing his eyes and bringing his fingers up to massage his temples.

"I should have brought a hangover cure, I see. Look, I heard on the grapevine today that you quit yesterday. Why?"

"I quit?" he asked. "Oh. Maybe I did."

"What do you mean, 'maybe'?" Hermione asked.

" I don't… it doesn't matter. It's probably a good idea. I'm not much use," Draco replied.

"What's that supposed to mean? There's a new case, a tip off about muggle baiting. We need to launch an investigation and we need you to lead it. But you've been gone for two weeks now and it's getting urgent," Hermione replied.

"In the midlands? Is it connected to that case in Nottingham?" he asked.

Hermione smiled. "See? You can't quit. And yes, I think so."

Draco sighed. He looked towards the window for a moment, then back at her.

"I can't, Hermione," he said, sadly.

"What do you mean?"

"I've been an Auror for seven years now, and in that time, we've saved countless potential victims and caught more crooks than either of us could count. But nothing I can do is ever enough. It doesn't fix anything."

"I don't understand. Why isn't it enough? Enough for what?" Hermione asked.

"If I could turn back time and undo what I've done…" he said.

Hemione said nothing, only waited.

"I save people all the time. But I can never go back and save his life. He died because of me, and I can never undo that, never change what I did."

"Draco, Harry didn't die because of you," Hermione said.

"He did," Draco replied with a sigh. "You don't know."

"Then tell me," she asked.

Draco sighed, then cleared his throat.

"I saw him head towards the Forbidden Forest. I knew they were there. I sent my mother a warning. They knew he was coming. He didn't stand a chance."

"Draco… Harry didn't stand a chance, anyway. He knew he didn't. But his scar… a part of Voldemort's soul was embedded in Harry. Harry had to die so that Voldemort could be killed for good."

Draco shook his head.

"Avada Kedavra didn't kill him. My mother was asked to confirm he was dead, but he wasn't. She told me that she knew if she lied, and said he was dead, she'd have been able to come and find me and get me out of Hogwarts. But I'd just told her I was alive, and as safe as I could be. So she told him the truth. If I hadn't sent her a message…"

Hermione took a moment to take in the new information.

"If you hadn't, who knows what would have happened? She could have been caught in her lie, and all three of you could have been killed for it. Or he brought Harry up to Hogwarts and killed him publicly instead. Instead, he went up to Hogwarts to gloat and we were able to kill him for it. We'll never know the answer to these what ifs. What we do know is that because of what happened, the war ended. And no one else had to die."

"But…"

"No. No 'but's. You've spent long enough wallowing in your own misery. It's not your fault, Draco. And I'll see you in work tomorrow, yes?" Hermione said.