You know, considering how Code Geass is like my favorite anime of all time and hugely formative for me, and Cluclu is like my all-time #1 OTP, it's kinda nuts that I've never written a fic for it before this.

Anyway Roze of the Recapture is good and the brainworms are terminal at this point. I am absolutely feral over these two and the hyperfixation is hyperfixating. I might write some more once episode 12 is out and the season is finished.

Anyway, not to get too dramatic or sentimental, but I wrote part of this while in the car on the way to McDonalds, and on the way there I got a view of the most amazing sunset I'd ever seen. Then by the time the sun had finished setting over the horizon, I look out the other window and see an enormous full moon like a perfect ying-yang of celestial beauty. Then I remember that Sakuya and Ash pilot the Zi-Artemis (Moon Goddess) and the Zi-Apollo (Sun God), respectively, and idk I think that might've been a sign from God letting me know that these two were gonna be living in my head rent free for the rest of my life. Wild, right?

Sakuya Sumeragi was at an impasse. She and Ash sat across from each other at their mobile home's dining table, a cup of coffee in each of their hands. At the moment, she was wearing the wig and collar that hid her identity, taking on the mask of Roze. There was no real reason for her to wear it anymore when it was just the two of them. Her Geass was undone, Ash knew the truth of who she was, and what she had done to him…

But the world at large knew the two of them as the Nameless Mercenaries, brothers in arms and in blood. It would be inconvenient to reveal the truth to others, and it would be dangerous to reveal her true identity and risk Sakura's safety even more than she already had by getting herself captured.

That didn't explain why she still wore this mask when they were alone. He knew who she was, he had been the one to suggest that she keep up this facade. Maybe that was why she still pretended. Out of courtesy. Perhaps it was easier for him if he could pretend that he was fighting alongside his brother, and not alongside the woman who'd used and manipulated him for over a year. And Sakuya was too much of a coward to speak up about it, too afraid to rock the boat when she'd already gotten away with more than she should have.

"Say, big broth-" Roze pursed her lips, catching himself before she said those words out of habit. "Ash, is there anything I can do for you?"

Ash's thoughts were elsewhere, apparently, because he didn't pay much mind to his false brother's question. Maybe he just couldn't stand to look her in the eye.

"Hm? No, everything's fine, thanks," he said as he took another sip of coffee.

Roze swallowed a breath, and brought a hand up to his collar. Blue eyes fell away to reveal royal purple, and her true voice spoke up.

"Ash," Sakuya called out.

That got his attention, at least. He put down his cup and listened intently.

Sakuya let out a shaky breath before continuing. "I meant… is there anything I can do to make things up to you. For…" she let the rest go unspoken.

"Oh."

Ash looked away from her, his eyes staring intently at nothing at all. In the seconds it took him to speak up again, Sakuya imagined a million worst-case scenarios. Her eyes moved to the gun holstered on his thigh.

"No. That… that won't be necessary," Ash said, slowly, still not meeting her gaze.

Which is another way of saying there's nothing I can do to make things right.

Sakuya wasn't surprised. The only reason she was still alive was because of her father. He was the one who had cared for Ash, he was the one who took him under his wing when he lost everything, he was the one who'd made Ash promise to protect his beloved daughter. That promise was the only reason Ash hadn't shot her dead when he had both the chance and the right to do so. She knew he wasn't helping her for her sake, or for Sakura's sake, or for Japan's sake. Jugo Sumeragi was the man who'd won Ash's loyalty, and the only reason the two of them were still alive. Compared to that, what could she possibly do?

But, even so…

"I mean it!" she said, putting her cup down and slamming her fists against the table, the clattering of kitchenware making Ash jump. "I… I wasn't lying, back in that cell. I know that nothing I do can ever make things right. When all this is over, you can do anything you wish with me, and I won't resist or put up a fight, or judge you. But, before that happens, if there's any way that I can make things better, then please let me know!"

Ash recoiled slightly, taken aback. Sakuya braced herself for his response, and was caught off-guard when he… started to blush?

Huh?

Just when Sakuya was beginning to wonder what strange request he might've thought up, Ash cleared his throat and spoke up.

"Well, do you think that you could… maybe… wear that outfit again?"

Sakuya blinked. "Outfit?"

Ash turned away from her, and covered his face with his hand. "Yes. The outfit from the cafe, from when you were… Raspberry…"

"Oh."

Now it was Sakuya's turn to blush, burying her face in her hands and trying very hard not to squeal from embarrassment. Honestly, she was starting to wish that he had just requested some kind of cruel and unusual torture, or maybe just shot her in the face, that would probably have been less painful than the backflips her stomach was doing and the gaping hole of shame she felt like she was freefalling down.

Of course, that was just another thing she had to apologize for. Raspberry, the girl she'd pretended to be when he, by some awful coincidence, wandered into Natalia's cafe. The girl who he fell in love with at first sight, like he was the romantic lead in one of those manga she used to read when she was younger. And of course, it was all just another lie. The woman he fell in love with was just an act, and she was the same person who had been using and manipulating him. She'd led him on so she could learn more about him, and even spied on his private conversation.

"Well, I don't really have that outfit with me," she said, quietly. "But, I suppose…"

"It's fine," Ash said, waving it off. "J-just forget I ever brought it up."

"No, no, it's okay. Really," Sakuya said. "I just… need to stop by Sumari to pick it up, if you can wait for a while."

It took a moment for Ash to respond. "S-sure thing…"

What am I doing?

Ash asked himself that question for the umpteenth time that day. Standing outside the trailer, with the door closed, waiting for Ro- for Rasp- for Sakuya to finish changing. Why did he say that? What on earth would possess him to ask her to wear that dress? It was a terrible idea, and just thinking about him made him feel like some kind of sick pervert, taking advantage of a young woman's kindness.

But, when she asked, she seemed so sincere, and it was the first thing that came to mind…

I need to put a stop to this.

Ash turned around and brought his hand to the door, he would tell Raspb- Sakuya, he would tell Sakuya to stop this and forget he ever said anything, then apologize profusely. But before he could open the door, something stopped him. Sakuya had asked him to step outside and wait while she changed. Which meant that right now, she could be undressing. Or undressed. If he opened the door, he risked walking in on her while she was in the nude. So, he took his hand off the door.

Ash clenched his hand into a fist, staring at it resolutely. He raised it up, and then slammed it down straight into his stomach with every bit of his considerable strength. The air was knocked out of his lungs and he doubled over, clutching his midsection in pain. He had hoped that in doing this, he could also banish the impure thoughts from his body.

It didn't work, but it did knock him out of his stupor. Yes, he would simply open the door with his eyes closed and then call out to her. That way there would be no risk of him doing something improper, and everything would be fine.

Before he could open the door, however, he heard her voice calling out to him.

"Alright, Ash, I'm done. You can come in now."

Damn.

He should have known better than to hesitate, this was what he got for forgetting his training. No matter, he would simply apologize twice as much. He took a deep breath, gripped the handle tight, and opened the door to the trailer. Ash opened his mouth to speak.

"Greetings, sir. I'm Raspberry, your personal maid for the day! How may I serve you today?"

Ash shut his mouth.

What am I doing?

Raspberry asked herself that question for the umpteenth time that day, approaching the dining table where Ash sat quietly in front of an empty cup.

"Would you like some coffee, sir?" she asked, as sweetly as she could manage.

"Uh, sure, I'd love some…" Ash said, pointedly refusing to meet her gaze as his eyes bored holes into the bottom of his empty cup.

Raspberry poured the coffee into his cup, and gave him a smile. "I brewed it myself," she said. "It may not be as good as the coffee from Sumari, but I hope it's to your liking nonetheless, sir."

Usually Ash was the one who brewed their coffee, so she was a bit out of practice. Still, it wasn't as if she didn't know how to brew coffee, so it would probably be fine. Besides, wasn't there some old saying about how food tasted better if it was made with affection?

Ash nodded as she finished filling his cup, bringing it up to his lips and taking a sip. If her coffee was bad, he at least had the grace to not let it show, as his face remained as stoney and unreadable as before.

"It's good. Thank you."

Raspberry kept up her smile as she stood there, quietly. She waited for him to ask her for something, or say something, or do something. He did nothing, so instead, she moved over to the fridge, and pulled out a plate.

"May I interest you in some sweets, to go along with your coffee, sir?" she asked. "Have a slice of raspberry pie."

Ash looked up and smiled slightly. "S-sure, I'd love some, thank you."

He brought a piece up to his mouth and chewed it slowly. "This is very good," he said. "I… didn't know you could bake."

Raspberry put a lot of effort into making sure that her smile did not drop. "Oh, I didn't make this, sir. I just brought it here from the cafe when I stopped by."

"Oh. Okay. Well, thank you."

The two stood there, in complete silence. The only noise throughout the trailer was the sound of Ash sipping coffee, and the occasional whine from one of their many pets.

All the while, Raspberry made sure to keep her perfect-customer-service-smile.

God this is awkward.

The other times when they met like this, she could barely keep up with him. He just kept on talking while she did her best to listen and occasionally chimed in. It was so different from the Ash she usually saw.

It was actually kind of cute.

Sakuya pictured herself picking up that train of thought with the Artemis, pulling it off the rails, and throwing it into a river. Definitely not the time to be thinking about that. In fact? She was going to try her best to never think about that again. She had more important things to worry about. Like why Ash was being so quiet.

Probably because he knows who you really are now. Idiot.

Right. Shit.

The last few times they spoke, Raspberry was just some random civilian waitress that he thought was cute. It made a strange sort of sense that he would confide so openly in an outsider. She thought of Sumari as her oasis, a home away from home, where she could be free from all her worries and shed the layers of lies she'd wrapped herself in. But perhaps it was the same for Ash, too. A place where he didn't need to be a soldier, or a brother, where he could just be a boy talking to a cute girl.

Now he'd learned that that same girl was actually a manipulative bitch who was using him as a weapon to be thrown away at her leisure. Oh, and she was also masquerading as his dead younger brother. Honestly, she couldn't blame him for being so quiet. If this whole ordeal was awkward for her then it was probably mortifying for him.

Maybe I should just stop now…

Ash finished his coffee, and stared at the empty cup for a moment, before finding the courage to raise his head.

"Sakuya, I think-"

"There's no one here by that name!" she cut him off.

"H-huh?" Ash croaked out.

"For today, I'm just Raspberry! So please think of me as your personal maid, and treat me like you would anywhere else!" she said, with more intensity than was probably called for.

Or I guess I could just double down! That works, too!

Ash gulped, and turned away from her again, beet-red. Slowly, he raised this empty cup towards her.

"M-may I have a refill?" he asked, quietly.

With a bright smile, Raspberry refilled his cup.

Alright, well if Ash won't talk, then I'll just carry the conversation myself. How hard could it be?

"You… must really like animals," Raspberry said, the first thing that came to mind.

"Hm? Oh, well, I do but…" Ash trailed off, looking around at the various pets that were dozing off around the trailer. "The feeling isn't really mutual." He sounded disheartened. "W-well, I'm sure they'll warm up to you, if you just give them some time…" she offered.

Ash nodded, taking another sip of coffee. "I don't know, they seem to prefer my bro-" he caught himself. "My… friend."

Raspberry winced slightly, but didn't let her smile drop. "W-well, it's not like they can't love two people at once, right?" Ash finished his coffee before responding, still looking sullen. "I suppose… maybe it's better this way, though."

"What do you mean?"

"Well… we're just fostering them for the time being. They're already up for adoption. If I get too attached, then it becomes harder to say goodbye." Ash didn't meet her gaze. "Maybe it's better if we keep our distance."

Raspberry's brow furrowed, but she kept on smiling. She didn't have an answer. So instead, she offered him another cup of coffee. He accepted it.

He's right. When all this is over we'll probably never see each other again. I'll be lucky if he doesn't just kill me on the spot. So why…

"You really like coffee, don't you?" she asked, as cheerful as ever.

That at least got a small smile out of Ash. "Yeah, ever since I was a kid." He took down another gulp. "You said you brewed this yourself? It's good."

"Well, I'm a bit out of practice. Usually someone else brews it for me, I'm not as good at it as he is," she said, airily.

"Well, I'm sure if you asked your friend to teach you, he'd be happy to show you how he brews it," Ash said, sounding happier than she'd heard him in weeks.

Okay, this is good! Just keep him talking about coffee!

"Maybe I will. What about you? Where did you learn how to brew it?" she asked, getting ready to offer him another refill.

"Oh. I… learned how to make it for my younger brother," Ash said, looking back down at his cup. "My… real brother."

For the first time since she put on that outfit, Raspberry's smile dropped. She would've dropped the coffee pot, too, if she weren't gripping it so tight that her knuckles turned white.

Bad question, change topics!

Raspberry's mouth opened and closed wordlessly a few times before she finally spoke up.

"What was he like?" she asked. "Your brother… Nichol."

Even worse question!

Ash sucked in a breath, and she could see his entire body stiffen, like one of their cats when they were about to run off somewhere. He gripped the cup so tightly she was sure it would shatter in his hands. When he finally spoke, his voice was quiet, so quiet she had to strain her ears to hear him, yet she hung on every word.

"He was soft. He was kind, and gentle, but he was sickly, and needed protection. So I…"

"You protected him."

"No, I didn't!"

Ash slammed his fists into the tabletop so hard she could swear that the entire trailer shook. All of the cats and dogs that were still lazing around nearby scurried off in different directions, and Raspberry very nearly did the same thing.

Beads of sweat ran down the side of Ash's face. His breath came out harsh, and ragged, his chest heaving with every gasp.

"I couldn't protect him. I never protected him. All I did was kill on his behalf. I traded the lives of others for his, but I never stood between him and danger. I failed him. Just like I failed Jugo. I'm not a knight, I'm not someone that can protect others. I'm a knife. I'm a tool for murder. I can't-"

Ash fell silent when he felt a pair of arms wrap around his head, pulling him into a warm embrace.

"You're wrong," said Sakuya, pulling his head towards her midsection as she ran her hands through his hair with slow, gentle movements. With how many strays they'd taken in, she'd gotten quite good at petting.

"Even if it was a lie, you've still protected me. You've fought for the people of this land, you've saved lives. You're not a tool, Ash. You're a hero. If my father were still here, I'm sure he would say the same thing. I'm sure that…"

Sakuya paused. She had no right to say what came next. It was presumptuous, cruel, even. She should stop then and there. She leaned down so that her lips were right by his ear. This was a bad idea. Nothing good could come from what she was about to say. She whispered in his ear, so quiet that it was almost as if she was afraid he would hear her, so close that only he could hear her.

"I'm sure that Nichol would be proud of you," she said, against her better judgment.

She felt Ash go stiff in her arms. As soon as the words left her mouth she wished she could take them back. When she felt his arms wrap around her waist, and squeeze her so tight that it knocked the air out of her, she knew she made a mistake. Ash stumbled out of his seat, and onto his feet, dragging her along with him, it took practically all her strength to stay upright and keep from toppling over. When he pushed her up against the wall, she thought he might kill her then and there. She wasn't sure if she could blame him. She, of all people, had no right to talk to Ash about his brother, even broaching the subject was incredibly inappropriate. Saying that to him, when he was already in distress? It was a terrible idea, and she knew it.

So why did she say it anyway?

Ash Phoenix didn't raise his head to look at her. Probably for the best, she wasn't sure she could bear to look him in the eyes. His hands moved from her side, up to her arms, and stopped at her shoulders.

Then, he brought his face to her chest, and started to cry.

It took Sakuya an embarrassingly long time to realize what was happening. It took her even longer to think of a way to react. The fact that Ash currently had his face buried in her breasts was, in all honesty, the least concerning part about what was happening right now. He was a full head taller than her, so he had to bend over nearly in half to reach down. She could feel his entire weight pushing down on her shoulders where his hands gripped her, and realized that if she moved away, or even lost her strength, he would probably collapse to the ground in a heap. And the sounds he was making, those retching sobs, each one racking through his entire body. Her stomach twisted around in knots, and her heart felt like it was being ripped from her chest. She'd never seen him like this before, and the fact that she was responsible only made it worse. Every sob felt like a bullet wound.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, and held him close, running her fingers through his hair. "It's alright," she whispered. "Everything's alright." That was a lie. As Sakuya was becoming well-aware, Ash Phoenix was many things, but alright was not one of them. But that wasn't something she could fix. All she could do was comfort him, and hope that it helped.

Bringing her hands to his face, Sakuya cupped his cheeks and lifted his head up so that they were face-to-face, and she could look him in the eyes. Ash's eyes were foggy, and unfocused, tears streamed down the sides of his face, which was contorted in a gruesome grimace. She wasn't sure if he could see, or even hear her, she didn't know if he even realized where he was right now. But still, she tried her best.

Holding his face in her hands, she ran her thumbs along his cheeks to wipe away his tears. In truth, she wanted to cry, too, but this wasn't the time. So instead, she put on as bright a smile as she could muster. Sakuya couldn't help him now, but maybe Raspberry could.

"It's okay to cry," she whispered. "I'm here for you."

The tears didn't stop, but Ash's eyes seemed a bit more focused, like he could actually see her now. "Raspberry… why are you doing all of this for me?"

Sakuya's breath caught in her throat.

How am I supposed to answer that? Because I pity you? Because I want you to forgive me? Because I feel like this is all my fault somehow? No, all of that would just make things worse right now, but she didn't know what else to say. So she didn't speak. Instead, she leaned forward to kiss him. When she pulled away, Ash stared at her blankly, as if processing what she'd just done. A moment later, he kissed her back, his lips pressing hard against hers. His grip on her shoulders went down to her sleeves, and he pulled on them so hard that they ripped right off. Distantly, Sakuya thought about how she would probably have to pay Natalia back for the dress.

What am I doing?

Ash asked himself that question for the umpteenth time that day, but this time, he really didn't have an answer. One second, he was sitting in the middle of the trailer with Raspberry, drinking coffee, and now he was hovering over her, atop the bed, with the two of them in the nude. His hands were on either side of her head, and she was breathing heavily, her bare chest rising and falling right in front of his eyes. Her face was red, but he was sure his own was much, much redder.

He racked his brain to try and remember how he got here. He was talking with Sakuya, he told her about Nichol. The memories came flooding back, all at once, and he felt like he was drowning in them. He felt her arms wrap around him, and he clung to her like a liferaft. Then, she was kissing him, and the next thing he knew… here they were.

His eyes wandered across her body, in ways that were entirely inappropriate, and he felt a growing heat between his legs. This was definitely wrong. But she wasn't objecting, right? He could feel the fading warmth across his body where her hands ran across, helping him get out of his clothes. That meant she wanted this too, didn't it?

So it was probably fine if he just… looked at her. The only problem was, the more he looked, the more he wanted to touch. Her soft, supple skin, her plump breasts, her wide hips. Her long black hair, styled into the twintails she wore as Raspberry, spread out beneath her, like a pair of black wings. His eyes traveled up to her face, framed by his hands on either side of her, digging into the mattress. Her eyes didn't meet his. Was she afraid? Or was she also looking at him? Would she even want to look? Would he want her to look? He couldn't read her expression, but it didn't help that when he looked at her lips, all he could think about was how badly he wanted to kiss her again.

My god, she's beautiful.

Oh god, he's hot.

Sakuya had seen Ash in various states of undress before. With how often he liked to work out, or bathe their pets, it wasn't unusual for him to be wandering around their home in his underwear, and she would have to be blind not to notice that he was in great shape. Still, she had more important things to worry about at the time, and she was realizing now that there was a vast difference between seeing him in his underwear around the trailer, and seeing him completely naked, in bed, panting for breath, and hovering over her naked body like an animal poised to strike. Her eyes wandered down lower, between his legs, and she gulped, feeling a chill run down her spine. He was big. She'd never actually seen a man's member in person before, so she had nothing to compare him to, but looking at it now, pointed towards her like a spear, she felt that he must be at least bigger than average. Instinctively, her thighs pressed together, and she sucked in a breath.

This wasn't how she had imagined her first time going. She knew a woman of her position was expected to save herself for marriage, to wait until the wedding night and give herself to the man she would spend the rest of her life with. Even in her more risque fantasies, she had imagined that it would happen with someone she loved, and who loved her in return. Not with a man who hated her, and who she… what? Pitied? Felt responsible for? Lusted after? Her mind was a mess, and she somehow doubted that thinking about it would lead her to any answers.

Still, she could do a lot worse. Ash was the kind of man most girls her age would dream of, like the protagonist of some cheesy love story. Tall, handsome, and muscular, with great hair. Strong, but gentle, tortured, but kind. He'd even broken her out of a dungeon like some knight atop his steed. If she forgot about all the ways in which she had hurt and abused him, she could almost pretend it was romantic.

But this wasn't about love. It was about atonement. The whole reason she was in this position was to make up for what she'd put him through. She knew she couldn't heal Ash, she couldn't save him, didn't even deserve to try. But… she could console him. There were things that a woman could do for that. And if it was in her power to ease his pain even a little, then she owed it to him, no matter what.

Looking up towards his face, she realized that his eyes were definitely not pointed towards her face. She felt exposed, suddenly, and felt the urge to cover herself up, but resisted. The whole point of this was for him to enjoy himself, if he liked what he saw, then all the better. Embarrassment be damned.

"S-Saku-"

She cut him off with a finger to his lips before he could finish.

"I told you. There's no one here by that name," she whispered, her face grew redder with every word. "I'm just Raspberry, your personal maid. So please… do as you wish."

She was inordinately proud of herself for actually making it through that sentence without devolving into gibberish. And judging by how flustered Ash looked, it paid off.

"I see. In that case… can I kiss you again?" he asked, shyly.

Sakuya felt her face grow even hotter, if that was even possible. Somehow, that was far more embarrassing than any of the lewd or perverse things she imagined him asking for.

"Of… of course."

"Right. Thanks."

A few moments that felt like hours later, Ash leaned down to kiss her. His lips pressed against hers, hungry and harsh. He groaned into her lips, and she felt his chest vibrate against hers as their bodies were pressed together. Her hands, looking for some way to occupy themselves, ran across his body, feeling the way his muscles tensed at her touch. Their lower halves rubbed up against each other, and she moaned through the kiss.

When he pulled away, Ash looked almost frightened. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again, and no matter what he tried to say the words refused to form, and his eyes refused to meet hers. So, as before, Sakuya smiled up at him and decided to take charge of the conversation.

"You can put it in now, Ash," she said, sounding far more sure of herself than she actually was.

Ash winced and stammered, muttering something unintelligible and looking away from her. It took her hand on his cheek turning his eyes towards her for him to string together the words.

"I… I don't want to hurt you," he said, soft and ashamed, like a child apologizing for breaking something.

Why not, Ash? After what I've done to you.

She felt warmth spread through her chest, while shame pooled in her stomach. She almost wished he would just take her, pin her down and use her for his own pleasure, maybe if he was a worse person she could feel a little less guilty. Then again, if that were the case, she would probably be dead, or worse, by now.

"Tell me what you want, Ash."

Ash's mouth went dry, and he tried again to turn away, she had to cup his cheeks with both hands to keep him looking at her as he stammered out a response.

"I-I want to make love to you, Raspberry," he finally managed to blurt out.

Make love.

His response caught her off-guard for some reason. Of course, that was the issue, wasn't it? He was with Raspberry, the sweet waitress he'd fallen in love with, not Sakuya, the one who'd controlled him and worn his brother's corpse like a mask. Maybe if she hadn't insisted on this maid-play, then he would be willing to take his revenge when she offered it. But this was the role she'd chosen, so now it was time to play it.

What would Raspberry say?

She pulled his head down closer, and pressed her lips against his ear.

"I want you, Ash. Please don't worry."

That was all she could manage to force out through the embarrassment, but it was enough. A moment later, Ash was nodding his head, and pressing his body closer to hers.

"A-alright."

That was the only warning she received before he thrust his hips forward, and claimed her virginity, forcing the entire length of his dick inside of her in one swift movement. Just like in battle, he wasted no movement. She cried out, both in pain and surprise, as she felt the heat of his length buried inside of her like a burning rod. Sakuya squeezed her eyes shut, tears pricking at the corners. She felt Ash's entire body tense, and he gasped in horror as she screamed into his ear. He tried to pull away, but almost by instinct, she wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck, pulling him as close to her as she could, her nails digging into his skin.

"I-it's okay… I'm okay," she forced out in between labored breaths.

Ash whimpered into her neck. "I'm sorry…" he whispered.

She ran a hand through his hair as her senses returned to her. "It's fine, j-just don't leave," she begged.

It was like ripping off a band-aid; maybe it would be better to rip it off all at once, and get the pain out of the way. But that didn't make the pain any less scary. Sometimes it was better to take it bit-by-bit. She didn't know if she was afraid it would hurt more if he pulled out, or if she just feared she would feel empty without the heat that was currently filling her core, but she definitely didn't want him to pull out now. Or ever.

Slowly, she started to roll her hips up against him, letting her walls get used to the feeling of being penetrated. Ash's breath caught in his throat, and she could feel his whole body shake with pent-up energy. In this position, with all her limbs wrapped around him, and their chests pressing so closely together that she felt her breasts squeezing against his pecs, she could feel every bit of tensing in his muscles, like a coil about to spring.

"Y-you can move, Ash. Don't worry about me," she said, trying to reassure him with a confidence she definitely did not have.

Ash nodded his head, and began to slowly pull his hips back, his movements almost in time with hers. He exhaled, and she could feel how his body relaxed in her grip. Slowly, her own body started to adjust to him, and she relaxed her hold on him. When Sakuya opened her eyes, she noticed Ash staring at her chest.

"You can touch them," she said, breathlessly. "It's okay."

He didn't respond, and at first she wasn't sure if he'd heard her, until his hands moved to grab both of them, and squeezed. Sakuya let out a gasp, and as if by instinct, pushed her hips up harder against his, which seemed to spur him on. He brought his mouth up to one of her breasts and started to kiss it, before taking one of her nipples and sucking on it. She whimpered as she felt a jolt run through her.

Ash's movements were getting faster now, less hesitant. Maybe he realized she wasn't hurting as much anymore, or maybe he was just less capable of caring. Whatever the case, Sakuya was now trying to match his pace. With the shock wearing off, she was remembering that the whole point of this was to please him, to make him feel so good he could forget his troubles for a while. Instead she'd just made him worry, scared that he'd hurt her, and now she was relying on him again.

She arched her back in an attempt to give him better acces to her breasts, which he still seemed fixated on, and started pushing her hips up harder, trying to match the timing of his thrusts. When he stopped sucking on her nipple to let out a guttural groan, she took it as a sign of success. Out of nowhere, by some happy accident, their bodies met at a certain angle, just right, so that when he thrust into her, she saw stars, and a loud, embarassingly loud, moan shot out from her. That apparently got Ash's attention, because he ceased his fixation on her chest, and seemingly moved all his energy towards pressing his cock up against that one spot as hard and as often as he could. He wanted to hear her make that noise again, and he was rewarded for his efforts.

"Ash, Ash, ohhh, right th-there, Ash, f-fuck."

It was getting harder for her to speak in complete sentences. As Ash started fucking her faster and harder, her entire body shook with each thrust, her mouth struggled to finish whatever she was trying to say, and her brain struggled to formulate a complete thought. She settled instead for breathless moans, and calling his name. For his part, Ash hadn't said a word since they'd started in earnest, but he was certainly getting noisier as they went on. He moved his face up closer to hers, pursing his lips as he stared at her own.

"R-Raspberry… can I-"

She didn't even wait for him to finish asking for permission before she kissed him again. She pushed her tongue past his lips, and he returned the favor. She moaned into his mouth, as if having his lips on hers like a muzzle gave her the courage to make all the noises she was too ashamed of. Unfortunately, she chose a very bad time to pull away for air, because as soon as she did, she came, and the noise she made was so loud she was certain it would wake their pets.

When Sakuya came, her walls clenched down on Ash's shaft. His cock twitched inside of her, and he groaned into her ear as his movements became erratic. He tried to lean forward to kiss her again, and when he missed her lips, he settled for trailing kisses across her face, her cheeks, her eyes, and even her neck, until with a deep groan, he hilted himself inside of her, and came.

Sakuya moaned, her eyelashes fluttering as his hot seed filled her, still in the aftershocks of her own orgasm. She tried to bring a hand up to her mouth to muffle her moans, but lacking the grace to do so, ended up clumsily stroking his back as he finished inside of her.

The two of them stayed like that for a moment, covered in sweat and panting for air, their bodies still connected with him laying atop her. After a bit, Ash rolled off of her, pulling out, so that he was laying beside her, still gasping for air as he lay sprawled out on the bed. Sakuya let out a whimper at the sudden emptiness inside of her, and the cold chill that replaced the warmth of his body heat enveloping her like a blanket.

She brought one arm up to her face, and covered her eyes with her forearm. As her chest rose and fell with each harsh breath, Sakuya slowly regained her wits. When she did, she grit her teeth in irritation, and a tear trickled down her cheeks.

This was supposed to be for his sake.

The whole point of this was for her to apologize. To atone for what she'd done for him. Instead, she just laid back the entire time and let him do all the work, she couldn't even wait for him to cum first.

Sakuya was sore, and tired. She was caked in sweat, and she wasn't even sure if most of it came from her, or from Ash. Her hair was a mess, with one of the two twintails completely undone, while the other still held on. The pain from Ash ripping through her hymen had been dulled by pleasure, but now that it was done, a dull throbbing was starting to set in. She would have loved nothing more than to close her eyes and go to sleep right then and there. But she couldn't allow things to end like this.

She turned her head to the side to look at Ash. He was still catching his breath, and he looked just as tired as her. Maybe more. Her eyes trailed downward, and landed on his dick, still semi-hard, even after everything they'd just done. She saw drops of fluids covering the shaft, and her mouth went dry. Swallowing a gulp of air and her own doubt, Sakuya tried to pull herself up. She quickly realized her arms and legs weren't going to cooperate on that front, so instead she crawled over so that her face was hovering over his crotch.

If Ash noticed her movement, he didn't give any indication of it. It was only when he felt a pair of soft lips kissing his tip that he seemed to stir from his daze, his whole body going stiff.

"It's okay, Ash…" Sakuya said with a breathy moan, running a hand along his thigh to keep him still. "Just leave the rest to me."

While Ash let out a breathy moan, Sakuya stuck her tongue out and slowly began to lick at the shaft. Stained with their combined juices, she saw dark marks on it, and realized somewhat distantly that it was her own blood, but was long past the point of hesitation. She licked him clean, polishing off the shaft with her own saliva. Then, when she was done, she stared at it in trepidation. After a moment, she grabbed a hold of her breasts, pushed them together, and squeezed his dick in between them. With how fixated Ash had been on them, she figured that he would enjoy this, and judging by the noise he made, she was right.

"I'm sorry…" she whispered as she massaged him between her breasts, feeling the heat grow against her chest as he grew hard again. "I'm so sorry, Ash."

Idiot, what are you saying? Telling him this defeated the point of it all, but she couldn't manage to shut up. It was like a dam had burst, and everything she was trying to hide was coming out all at once. With a whimper, Sakuya pushed herself up so that she was straddling Ash. She lined herself up with his dick, and then slowly lowered herself onto it, letting out a shaky breath as her body became reacquainted with his.

The second time around, the adjustment period was much shorter. It only took Sakuya a short time before she could start moving again, slowly pushing herself up and down as she rode atop Ash's body. Ash still hadn't said anything, she couldn't even tell if he could hear her, but conscious or not, his hands moved to grip her waist, helping her keep steady. She tried to adjust herself so that he would reach that one perfect spot again, but couldn't manage it.

"I know… that this can't make up for what I've done…" she said in between moans. "I know… that you can never forgive me… but e-even so…" She stumbled forward and had to place her hands atop Ash's chest to steady herself. She ran her hands across his body and tears began to spill from her eyes while the truth spilled from her lips.

"Please, Ash, at least let me do this for you… let me please you… even if it doesn't change anything… at least let me have this…" And there it was. The lie she'd been trying to keep up from the moment she'd put on that dress finally fell apart. She was a selfish creature, a shameful woman, a lustful girl. All of this was for her own sake. It was never about helping him, it was never about forgiveness. All she wanted was to soothe her own guilty conscience, to make herself feel better, not him. She was only chasing her own satisfaction, her own pleasure.

Sakuya gasped as she felt Ash's fingers dig into her hips. With a grunt, he flipped her over so that she was laying face down on the bed, and before she even knew what was happening, climbed on top of her and started thrusting into her from behind, laying prone atop her. His dick found that spot again, and he honed in on it with trained precision.

"Sakuya… Sakuya Sumeragi…"

Laying on top of her, his mouth was right next to her ear. His voice was deep and husky, with his body pressed up right against her back, she could feel the rumbling of his throat against her skin. Hearing him call out her name, her real name, like that, made her pussy clench. She had never been so turned on in her entire life. She had never been so ashamed in her entire life.

Sakuya tried to bury her face into the pillow to muffle her moans, but he wouldn't let her. With an angry grunt, Ash grabbed the pillow and tossed it to the side, before grabbing a hold of her hair and ripping off the remaining hair tie, leaving all of it free. His legs intertwined with hers, pinning her against the mattress, while his hands grabbed hers and wrapped their fingers together, pushing them down. Somehow, that part felt more obscene than anything else they'd done so far. She felt his lips pressing up against the side of her face.

"Sakuya, Sakuya, Sakuya, Sakuya, Sakuya…"

He kept calling her name out, desperately, breathlessly, and every time he did, it felt like a knife through the heart.

"No… don't…" she whimpered.

Don't call me by that name.

He was throwing her lies in her face. That wasn't the name he was supposed to be saying. This was supposed to be Raspberry, the girl he loved, not Sakuya, the woman who hurt him. But he still called her name oh-so sweetly, with tenderness, like he treasured it in his heart. Why? Why would he do that?

"Please… stop…" Sakuya cried as tears fell freely down her face. She let out a lewd moan every time he thrust back inside of her, so she couldn't even finish a sentence.

Please stop saying my name like that.

He was unveiling her, ripping apart all the lies she tried to put up, hammering at her defenses the same way his cock hammered at her pussy. The worst part of it all was how good it felt. Her body felt like it was split in two, her heart felt like it was being torn apart, her throat hurt from moaning so much. Everything below that was pure bliss. The contrast made it hurt so much worse, made it feel so much sweeter. It wasn't long before she came again, though it barely seemed to slow Ash down this time.

Ash's hands moved from hers to roam across the rest of her body. He wasn't groping, there was no intentionality in where his hands went, it was more like exploring. Like he wanted to feel every single inch of Sakuya's body. What he couldn't feel with his hands, he would feel with his legs, his torso, his mouth. All the while, he kept on whispering her name into her ear, pausing only when lips planted kisses all across her face.

"Sakuya, Sakuya, Sakuya…"

He didn't give her any time to recover from her orgasm, Sakuya wasn't even sure he noticed when she came. Their bodies were a tangled mess, pressing so close together with so much heat between them that she was afraid she might melt into him. What parts of her weren't covered by the mattress or the sheets were being covered up by his own body, she could barely even feel the air around them, she could barely even stop to breathe. All the while, his dick kept on slamming into that one spot, and he kept on chanting her name like it was a prayer, like he needed it to survive. It was like he was caught in a trance, and soon Sakuya fell under that same trance.

"Sakuya, Sakuya, Sakuya, Sakuya…"

"Ash, Ash, Ash, Ash…"

Sakuya's words slurred together between the moans and tears and cries of pleasure. But even through the groans and grunts of pleasure, Ash's were crystal clear. She came again, and her vision went white.

It was like he was trying to devour her with his entire being. He wouldn't be satisfied until every last inch of his body had covered hers. With how much bigger he was than her, she could almost believe it was possible. She tried to move her hips, to press them up against his and make this better for him, or for her, she wasn't sure anymore. But with how tight a grip Ash had on her, she couldn't even manage that. All she could do was try to clench her walls around his dick.

She lost track of how many times she came, time itself seemed to melt away, along with everything except the knowledge that she had to keep saying his name. She received no warning when Ash plunged himself into her deepest parts and came inside of her again, or maybe she just wasn't cognizant enough to notice one. When Ash finished, he roared out her name one last time, then all the energy seemed to leave his body all at once. He went limp on top of her, breathing raggedly. He was no longer pinning her down, but he also made no effort to move, or even pull out of her.

Sakuya disentangled herself from the mess of limbs that their bodies had become. She crawled off of the bed, before shakily getting to her feet and stumbling out of the bedroom, leaving Ash behind in the darkness.

What did I just do?

Ash asked himself that question over and over again. But no matter how many times he asked, the answer didn't change. He lay face down on the bed, with his head turned towards the side and staring into nothing. His eyes were accustomed to the dark, but he still saw only pitch-black.

He had violated her. He could still feel it on the sheets beneath him. The stains formed from the mixing of their juices, the proof of their debauchery, and her blood, the proof of her defilement at his hands.

"I'm sorry…"

He had taken advantage of her. He took advantage of her kindness, and her pity, and used her for his own satisfaction. He knew it was wrong, but he still did it. Even when she begged him to stop, he couldn't.

"I'm sorry… Jugo…"

He wanted to stop himself, but it was all too much. Even though he knew that she was only doing this out of kindness, he still wanted to accept it, even if he knew it was inappropriate. But when she said those things to him, it was like something broke. The idea that someone could be so concerned for him, that she could want him, could want to make him happy, could care about him so much… it was too hard to resist. Even when he knew it was a lie, he still wanted to believe it.

"I'm sorry… Sakuya…"

He didn't know what either of them would do now. She was going to hate him, he was sure of that much. But would she still need him to fight for her? Would it be worth it? Would she ask him to leave, or should he do it himself? He knew he should apologize, but he had no idea how he could even begin to do that. By killing for her? That seemed as reasonable an answer as any. In the end, he was still just a tool for murder, a knife was all he would ever be. Hurting people was the only thing he was good at.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"

Sakuya turned on the light in the bathroom and gripped the edges of the sink to steady herself. She didn't trust her legs not to give out. After a couple more moments to breathe, she turned on the sink, and splashed ice cold water on her face to center herself.

His cum dripped down her thighs, drying on her legs, and mixing with her own squirting fluids. Today was supposed to be a safe day, but she would still go into town tomorrow to get some pills for this, better safe than sorry. She was tired, and sore, her entire body was sore. She was sore in places she didn't know could be sore. She was sore in ways that went beyond the physical, too.

She shuddered as she thought back to it.

Even when she tried to remember how good it felt, or the way he kissed her, how gentle he had been, how sweet and concerned for her wellbeing he was, she couldn't remember any of it. All she could think about was how he said her name. He said it with such power, he said it over and over and over again. He said her name with such feeling, such passion…

She knew it could only be hatred.

Sakuya knew she deserved it. She lied to him, again. She pretended to be someone she wasn't, again. She wanted to be someone he could care about, and that could care for him. Even if it was a lie, she thought that maybe if she could offer him comfort, it would be enough. But then she had to ruin it all by not keeping her stupid mouth shut. It was one thing to lie to him, but to then tear down her own lies right in front of him, to reveal the truth right when he was at his most vulnerable…

Honestly, what did she expect? It was only fair that he would throw her lies right back in her face after that, to force her to confront the truth that she tried so hard to avoid. It was what she deserved.

She looked at herself in the mirror. She was a mess, but she didn't look as bad as she thought she might. Her hair was obviously a disaster, but it was honestly only slightly worse than her regular bed head. Her eyes were puffy from crying, but that would be gone after some rest. The important thing to look for were any bruises or markings that might be difficult to explain, and in that regard, she was mercifully lucky.

Most of her body was unblemished. Her hips had slight marks where he'd dug his fingers in right before he went berserk on her, but it would probably fade before the morning. She had a noticeable pair of bruises on her shoulders where he'd clung to her to keep himself from falling apart when he was on the verge of collapse, but her clothes as Roze would cover that up without issue. The only problem was her lips. Ash had kissed her so much, and so forcefully, that they were slightly bruised, which would probably lead to some difficult questions for Roze if someone noticed, and it wasn't like she could go around wearing lipstick. Well, if someone asked she would just say one of the dogs had headbutted her while she was kissing them, then laugh it off as an embarrassing story.

Honestly, it was almost miraculous how unmarked she was, considering how… intense he had gotten. Sakuya knew full well how strong Ash was. At any point during all of that, he could've broken any number of bones, and she would've been powerless to stop him. If he wanted her dead, he could've snapped her neck almost effortlessly. Even if he just got careless, any number of caresses or touches could've left a bruise in the heat of the moment. It was kind of shocking that, as lost in each other as they'd both been, she came out almost unscratched.

But that was just the kind of man Ash Phoenix was, wasn't it? He was someone who would never want to hurt anyone if he could help it. He killed only to protect others. He was the sort of man who was always looking out for those around him, who checked to make sure everyone was eating properly, or keeping up with their training. The sort of guy who kept filling their home with stray animals because he could never turn away from them when they were in need. He was the kind of man who could help someone like her, even after she had-

Ah. I get it now.

A sardonic smile appeared on Sakuya's face, and she giggled to herself, in spite of it all. Well, her wish came half-true.

She had lost her virginity to a man she loved, and who hated her.

She thought of that man once again. His words echoed in her head.

The power of the king will condemn you to solitude. It will drive away those most precious to you.

She wondered if he knew this would happen. Could he see her now? Was he laughing at her? If he was, she couldn't blame him, it was pretty funny. Hell, it was hilarious, really. It was so funny that she started laughing, too.

Sakuya laughed. She laughed so hard that she had to grab a hold of the sink to keep her balance. She laughed so hard that she had to bend over nearly in half. She laughed so hard that her stomach hurt. She laughed so hard that it was hard to breathe. She laughed so hard that her heart hurt. She laughed so hard that she lost her balance and fell to the floor. Still, she kept laughing. She laughed so hard that it woke all the sleeping inhabitants of the trailer, save one. There, curled up on the ground, naked as the day she was born, Sakuya Sumeragi laughed. She laughed so hard that her eyes were forced shut, so she couldn't see the tears falling from them. She laughed so hard that she didn't even have time to sob.

Man, I really wish we got a scene where Sakuya does a Lelouch-style crazy laugh. Oh well.