"Will the baby listen if I talk to your belly button?" Olive asked. The two of them were lying in bed.
"Of course, my love."
The girl's eyes lit up even more and she approached her mother's rounded belly.
"Hello, Baby," she whispered sweetly, "I'm Ollie. Or you can call me Ols too... Dad calls me Ols. How much longer until you come?"
"Two months," Addison replied.
"Mom! I'm talking to the baby!"
"You're right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she laughed.
"It's our sibling conversation. You can't listen, it's a secret."
"Okay, I won't listen," she said, covering her ears with her hands, not wanting to miss that conversation for anything in the world.
"Are you listening?" she asked suspiciously.
"No, nothing," she lied.
"Okay..." she settled back, with her mouth near her mother's inverted belly button, "Hello baby... I wanted to ask you something... Mom says you will come in two months, but that's a long time. Can't you come earlier? Summer has already started... Dad said that next summer we will have a huge pool in the garden and we can play in the water... Tomorrow, Dad and I will go to the lake to fish, don't you want to come? Mom doesn't like to go fishing. She never comes with us, so if you stay inside her belly, she won't let you come... can you come tomorrow? I'm dying to see you..."
Addison tried not to break down in tears as she listened to Olive. The hormones made her more sensitive than ever, and her daughter's tenderness didn't help to hold back the tears.
"Please... we can eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches while Dad fishes... it will be fun, you have to come."
"Hey, is there a meeting and I haven't been informed?" Derek said entering the room.
"Daddy!" she exclaimed excitedly.
"Were you talking to the baby, Ols?"
"Yes!"
"What were you telling it?"
"It's a sibling secret, I can't tell you anything."
"Oh, really?"
"Yup."
"And what did the baby tell you?"
"Nothing. It never wants to answer me..."
"Oh, the baby responds to you, my love. It's just that you haven't realized what it's telling you."
"How?"
"Babies in the womb don't speak with words. They have their own way of communicating with us," he said as he sat down next to her on the bed.
"Why?"
"Because they are so tiny that they still can't speak. But they listen to you and understand you, and they have their way of responding to you. Look, I'm going to show you..."
Derek approached Addison's bare belly, while Olive watched expectantly.
"Hello, Baby Shep 2... here is Dad, again. I missed you a lot since the last time we talked. How's everything in there? Is it very humid? Is it tiring having to make toes all the time?"
Olive burst into laughter.
"Here I am with your little sister, who is dying to see you and wants you to let her know that you are listening to her. Because we know that inside you are listening all the time to everything that happens in this house. Especially Mom's groans. She must torture you with her voice all day."
"Hey!" Addison complained, and Derek laughed.
"So we want to see a response from you, baby. How have you been?" he said as he gently pressed the upper part of the belly, knowing that was where his little legs were.
The baby gave a small kick, making a small bump visible from the outside.
"Baby moved!" Olive exclaimed excitedly. Addison laughed.
"It's because it's telling me yes. Will you keep the secret with your sister, baby?" he pressed again and another bump appeared.
"IT SAID YES!"
"See? He or she listens to you and obeys you, Ols."
"Then is Baby going to come fishing at the lake tomorrow?"
"Oh... let's see..." Derek leaned in closer, but this time without pressing, "Hmm... I think not."
"But why not?"
"Because Baby still has a few more months to finish forming."
"But you told me it said yes!"
"Well, it said it will go fishing, but in a few months."
"But tomorrow we're going!"
"Tomorrow Baby won't be able to go, because it doesn't have eyes yet. It won't be able to see."
"What?" she said with a broken voice, the image of a baby without eyes had frightened her.
"Now it looks like a zombie baby without eyes. If the baby's born now, he'll have holes in its eyes and it'll have to steal yours to see. I don't think it's a good idea for it to come to the lake with us now..."
Olive started to cry in fear.
"Derek!" Addison exclaimed angrily as she covered her belly with her shirt and hugged the girl.
"Ols, don't cry... it's just a silly joke from Dad."
"I don't want the baby to take my eyes!" she sobbed.
"I won't, it's a lie... the baby already has its own little eyes, my love. Don't listen to the nonsense your father says. Look, it's still moving..." Addison pointed to another bump on her belly.
"I don't wanna see Baby anymore!" she quickly escaped from her mother's arms and ran out of the room.
Addison sighed loudly and looked at Derek, furious.
"Go fix this or you'll be sleeping on the couch tonight."
~•~
It had been a little over a week since Addison's life had been turned upside down with the surprise of the new pregnancy. She had not spoken to Derek yet. She didn't feel ready to face it yet. She wanted to finish digesting the situation on her own before telling him, and she didn't know how long it would take her to do so.
He, in turn, despite being immersed in the hospital's bureaucratic problems, noticed throughout that week that Addison was acting strange. She was distant and had a vacant look. As if she was somewhere else all the time, far from reality. He thought that maybe it was because of Olive's incident, having to deal with unpleasant situations with Carolyn, or the almost encounter with Bizzy. Or the whole trip to New York itself. Traveling to their old city had always been a moving experience in every sense.
He decided to give Addison space, although his heart filled with worry seeing her like this. He didn't understand the sudden change in her attitude. At night, while they were lying in bed, he felt how the silences were getting longer and heavier as if there was an abyss between them.
He knew that when she was ready to talk, she would. But he didn't want to pressure her. He didn't want to make her feel bad. So he let it go and tried to act naturally.
"Are you okay?" he asked approaching her slowly, offering her a hot cocoa.
"Oh, thank you," she said, accepting it. She was breastfeeding Arleth, sitting on one of the sofas in the living room.
Luckily, after the commotion on the plane, the baby agreed to breastfeed again. It was already night and Olive was sleeping in her room.
"Are you feeling okay? You look a little pale."
"I'm fine, it's just the cold."
"Mmm... and Arley? It seems like she's made friends with your breast."
"Apparently... She's falling asleep," she murmured while playing with the baby's fingers. "How was your day today?"
"Do you know what the only thing I did? Paperwork. Do you know what I'll do tomorrow? More paperwork... this job... I'd like someone to shoot me. That way, I'd see the inside of an operating room."
"I'd like that too..."
"Addie, Arleth is already four months old. She's starting to be more independent... Don't you think you could consider going back to work?"
"Hasn't it been easy to replace me?" she said with a raised eyebrow.
"It's been impossible. No one is as good as you."
"I don't know if you're talking to me as my husband or as the hospital's chief. Would it bring in more income if I came back?"
"Of course."
"Oh, Derek."
He laughed and leaned in to softly kiss her on the lips.
"We can hire a nanny to be with them at home. Besides, Arley can be in daycare in the morning. You can come and go if she needs you."
"I know, it's just that..."
"It's your decision, I know. But I really would like to see you more often at the hospital. I miss you... the couch in my office misses you..."
"Derek..."
"Has Arley fallen asleep...?" he hinted.
"Yes, but I'm not in the mood today..."
"Oh, it's okay."
"I'm sorry..."
"Don't worry. Are you feeling okay? Is there something you want to talk about?" he asked gently, looking into her eyes.
Addison couldn't resist that look, it was the same one Olive gave her every time she asked for something or was scared.
"I... there might be something..."
Okay, he had asked. Was it time to let go of the anguish that had been haunting her for days and share it with her husband?
"Tell me..."
"I'm-…"
"MOM, THERE'S A HUGE SPIDER IN MY ROOM!" Olive shouted from upstairs.
"Oh..."
"Don't worry, I'll go..." Derek whispered, tenderly kissing her forehead. "HERE I COME, OLS!"
Derek quickly went up and Addison sighed, grateful that the situation had saved her. Was she really about to tell him? Was she going to blurt it out, just like that, without any preparation? She wasn't even ready for that.
~•~
"Olive has done a craft at kinder, and she's excited to show it to you," said Derek as he adjusted the webcam on his laptop.
"Yes, Ollie? What did you make?" asked Carolyn from the other side of the screen.
It was Sunday afternoon and all their aunts and cousins were gathered at their house, having a Skype video call.
"It's a photo frame I made with popsicle sticks! I painted it with tempera myself!" exclaimed the excited little girl.
"Wow, Olive. You're quite the artist. I can't wait to see it," said Nancy.
Addison was with them on the video call. Derek sat the little girl on his lap, and once he made sure the camera was focusing on the three of them, he gave Olive the photo frame to show to her family.
"Oh, wow. I love it!" said Carolyn.
"Photo frames are for putting pictures in, right, Ols?" said Derek.
"Yes!" affirmed the little girl.
"And we're going to put a very special one in it, that we took recently and we want Grandma and all the aunts to see..." He said, taking some black and white images out of a white manila envelope.
Olive took one of those photographs and with Addison's help, she placed it in the frame. Once they made sure it was securely in place, they had the girl come closer to the camera.
"What is it, my dear?" asked Carolyn, putting on her reading glasses.
"Oh my god. Is that what I think it is?" exclaimed Liz, covering her mouth in astonishment.
"It's the first picture of the baby!" said Olive.
"What are you saying? Is that...? You two...?" Carolyn felt her blood freeze suddenly from the surprise.
"I'm going to have a baby brother or sister!" Olive jumped.
"Addie is pregnant!" a wide smile of excitement formed on Derek's face as he said those words.
"OH MY GOD! GOD!" Carolyn shouted excitedly, getting up from her chair.
"ANOTHER BABY IN THE FAMILY!" exclaimed Nancy.
"I'M SO EXCITED!" said Kathleen, jumping happily.
"I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT AS SOON AS I SAW YOUR FACE, ADDISON!" affirmed Liz.
"CONGRATULATIONS, GUYS!" shouted John.
"WOW, ANOTHER BABY!"
"CONGRATULATIONS, UNCLE DEREK AND AUNT ADDIE!"
"Thank you, thank you!" Addison and Derek responded in unison, unable to hide their joy in sharing this news.
"How far along are you, Addie?" asked Nancy once the congratulations and the shouting subsided.
"Nine weeks on Tuesday..."
"The baby is the size of a raspberry!" said Olive, smiling.
"AAAWWW!" a collective sigh was heard.
"Do you like the picture, Grandma?" asked a proud Olive.
"I love it, my dear! You're going to be a big sister!"
"Yeah!"
"I better be the godmother of this baby, eh? You owe me after what you did with Olive," Nancy said, making everyone laugh.
"Oh no. If anyone has to be the godmother, it'll be me!" said Kathleen, "you already have too many godchildren."
"But I don't have any of Addison and Derek."
"And what about me? I don't have any godchild from them either!" Liz complained.
"You'll have to have two more babies to make up for it..." joked John.
Derek laughed, shaking his head, knowing that an argument was going to come up as soon as they announced it.
"My goodness. You've given me such enormous happiness. I'll be a grandmother again! Congratulations, guys. Congratulations Ollie! You'll be the best big sister your little brother could have!" said Carolyn.
"I know, I know," Olive responded, making everyone laugh.
Addison and Derek looked at each other, smiling. It was a very lovely feeling to share that joy that would soon come into their lives with their loved ones.
~•~
"Have you spoken with Derek?" asked Amelia, peeking out into the hallway the next day.
"Have you quit the drugs?" replied Addison, in a very bad mood.
"Ugh, well, we're starting the day strong. It seems like this pregnancy is not exactly characterized by good humor," she said, suppressing a laugh.
"What do you want, Amelia? Why aren't you at the hospital? Are you drunk again? Did you cut another arm?"
"Hey, calm down. Why are you so aggressive today?"
"I don't know. Blame the stupid hormones that my stupid body releases."
"Have you already decided what to do?"
"Do I look like I've decided?"
"You know, when you were pregnant with Arleth, you were nicer. Maybe it's a boy this time?"
"Screw you."
"Hey, I want to help you. If you think treating me badly will make me leave, then you're very mistaken. I grew up with four siblings, you'll have to start using better insults if you want to offend me."
~•~
"Is it just one?" Olive asked, somewhat disappointed as she leaned her head against her mother's seven-month-old belly.
"Yes, Ollie. It's just one."
"But I wanted two..."
"You'll have more in the future," Derek said.
"Derek," Addison said, looking annoyed.
"Am I going to have more?" Olive asked.
"No," her mother quickly responded.
"We don't know that, Ols. Maybe yes, maybe no. Do you want more?"
"Yes. I want four! Just like Julie."
"Four is too many, Ollie. Those are your father's family's craziness," Addison said.
"The more children, the more love. More joy in the home," Derek said.
Addison rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips. At this time of night, she was beginning to feel a strong pain in her lower back.
"Can we have twins later?" Olive asked.
"I don't know, that's difficult to happen," Derek replied.
"But Aunt Liz had twins. You can have them too, right?"
"You can't choose that, honey. It's like a lottery, sometimes it happens, other times it doesn't..."
"And it won't happen to us because we won't have anymore," Addison said, annoyed.
"Ols, let's heat a hot water bottle for Mom?" Derek asked, seeing the pain on Addison's face.
"Yes, but the orange one!"
"Okay, let's go."
~•~
"Did he really say 'the more children, the more love'? Are you sure he said that?" asked Amelia, lying next to her on the bed.
"Yes. He has said it several times."
"Well, but that's something he used to say before Arleth was born. Maybe now he has realized that the number of children is not proportional to the amount of love..."
"Come on, Amy. Derek grew up in a large family. For him... for you, it's normal to have at least three children."
"For me, it's not even normal to have one. Why have we normalized the idea of pushing out a creature weighing more than seven pounds from the vagina? I refuse to believe that it is normal."
"But for your sisters, it is... I thought Kathleen was going to be the exception, but since Theo was born two years ago, they all ended up with five children. Derek, I'm sure he wants that too."
"You have to talk to him to know what he wants, Addie. You can't hold on to words he said months ago when you only had one daughter."
"I know... it's just that... do you know how excited he was the day I told him about Arleth? Or about Olive? I could see his eyes light up like never before... he was so happy... How do I tell him that I'm pregnant without him being happy? How do I tell him that I'm seriously considering an abortion?"
"Maybe he'll notice that you're not happy and empathize. I don't know..."
"It's just that I don't know if I'm happy or not either. It's been almost two weeks and I'm still in shock. How can you want something so much and then not?"
"I don't kn-…"
"And I don't wanna say that I love Arleth less or regret having her, because I don't. Her birth filled me with happiness... but also with tiredness, stress, nerves, pain... but, to go through another pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum just four and a half months after giving birth? How am I supposed to do that? How am I supposed to want to go through that again?"
"Well, I wouldn't. Too much effort."
"But at the same time, I don't have an excuse to have an abortion. Derek and I are in a stable moment in our marriage. We are professionals, we have a good job, good salaries, we have a big house that can be adapted to make a new room... we have two daughters who lack nothing. What excuse can I really give that is not that I don't want to be pregnant?"
"I don't think it's an excuse, I think it's a reason. And I think it's valid. People's desires and needs change. Just because you wanted a pregnancy so much in the past doesn't mean you want another one in the future. Dreams change..."
"I wish this was a dream. I really wish to wake up and that this was just a nightmare, one of those that are long and you think they will never end, but then you wake up and they quickly disappear from your brain. I wish it would magically disappear and I wouldn't have to choose. Because I can't, I don't know how to choose. I don't want to choose..."
~•~
"If your father sees me doing this, he probably won't speak to me again," said Addison as she opened a jar of pickles. They were alone in the kitchen, Derek would be spending the night at the hospital, taking care of a patient he had operated on that same afternoon.
"Why?"
"Because normal people don't make these combinations...pass me the Nutella, Ollie."
Olive handed her the jar, and Addison took a pickle and dipped it into the chocolate and hazelnut spread. Then she added a little salt on top and took a bite.
"Mmm... I've been craving this all day. It's even better than I imagined," she said happily as she chewed.
"Can I try?"
"I don't think you'll like it, honey. Mom has very strange cravings."
"But I like Nutella..."
"Okay, try it."
Addison brought the pickle close to Olive's face and she tried it. To her mother's surprise, she liked the combination.
"I love it!"
"Really? I thought you wouldn't like it."
"No, Mommy. It's tasty. I want more!"
"Okay, take the jar of Nutella and I'll take the jar of pickles, and let's go to my bed. We'll have dinner there tonight."
"Are we going to watch a movie?"
"Yes, girls' night. Movie night and cravings."
"Yey!"
"Do you want me to make popcorn? We could put Nutella on them too... "
"Yes! Or we can make caramel apples with popcorn but with the pickles!"
"Pickles instead of apples?"
"Yes."
"I like your idea. Let's do it."
"Yey!"
"Don't tell your father what I made you eat for dinner. Okay?"
"Okay."
~•~
Addison went down to the kitchen with an uncontrollable craving for pickles or any type of pickled food with chocolate. Her taste buds were reminiscing about that sweet and sour combination that she had liked so much during her previous pregnancy, and now they were clamoring for it.
She felt that if she didn't fill her mouth with that food, she wouldn't be able to sleep peacefully. She wouldn't be able to go on living. It felt like a vital necessity, almost like breathing.
"I don't know if you're torturing me on purpose so that I can't stop thinking about you, but please... I can't go crazy over pickles at one-thirty in the morning. It's not normal," she said quietly while looking for the jar of Nutella in the pantry. "This is something only your sister forced me to do and... God, I can't believe I just said it's your sister. Well, technically she is, but... but you can't do the same to me as she did. Find a more peaceful craving. Or healthier. We don't have Nutella and... we don't have Nutella and... They can't have eaten the last one, damn it!" she exclaimed with tears in her eyes.
Was she really going to cry over that? Yes, of course, she was going to cry over it. She could go out to buy more now or simply ask her husband to bring Nutella, as he had always fulfilled her cravings at any time of the night. But now it was different because he didn't know she was in the kitchen crying over a craving.
Addison sighed resignedly. She took the jar of pickles and went to sit on the couch to eat them while tears streamed down her cheeks, one after another at full speed.
She cried inconsolably, as if she were at a funeral, mourning the unexpected and tragic departure of that chocolate and hazelnut spread that she loved so much.
Damn hormones.
~•~
"If it's a girl, she has to be named Rapunzel!" exclaimed Olive energetically.
"Okay, Olive votes for Rapunzel..." Addison wrote the name on the board in the playroom. They were having a vote for the baby's name.
"Rapunzel is not a name," questioned Amelia.
"What do you mean? My favorite princess is called that!" Olive said with her arms crossed.
"Yes, well. It's not a name for a person. It's like Cinderella or Snow White, no one is called that."
"My friend from the kinder is called Aurora. Like Sleeping Beauty!"
"Well, but that name does exist. Not all names exist. Not all are nice names for babies."
"Amelia..." Derek said, annoyed.
"I don't care. I want her to be called that."
"And names for boys, Ols? I'm almost sure you'll have a baby brother."
"Sebastian!"
"The crab from The Little Mermaid?"
"Or Flynn Rider!"
"Isn't that the name of Rapunzel's boyfriend?" Addison asked.
"Yep. It's the best name."
"And don't you like Derek Junior, like Dad?" Derek said, offering Olive a lollipop.
"No."
"You're not going to get votes by blackmailing her," Addison said.
"I like Christopher. Like Dad... I feel like it would be a nice tribute," suggested Amelia.
"Derek Christopher Junior," Derek smiled, excited.
"No! Flynn!"
"I think Christopher is better. We won't call the baby Derek, it will be confusing and we won't know who we're talking about," Amelia insisted.
"How do you confuse an old man with a baby?" Addison joked, making Olive laugh.
"Well, when someone says 'Derek peed on me' we'll know they're talking about the baby, right?" Derek teased.
"I want it to be called Flynn!"
"Flynn Montgomery Shepherd sounds very bad, Ols. Think of another name."
"Wasn't Flynn the name of the veterinarian?" Amelia asked, making Derek upset.
"It's Finn," corrected Addison.
"And Flounder?" Olive suggested.
"The baby will not be named Flynn, Finn, Flounder, or anything like that. It will be Derek Junior." Derek said.
"Keep dreaming," taunted Amelia.
"Addison chose Olive's name, it's my turn to choose this baby's name. It will be Derek."
"No, Daddy!"
"Derek Sebastian. Do you like it, Ols?"
"No!"
"Christopher Sebastian..." Amelia proposed.
"I just want Flynn!"
"But if he's called Christopher, you can call him Chris, it sounds similar to Flynn," Amelia tried to convince her.
"It's not the same!"
"God, I hope you're another girl..." Addison murmured, placing a hand on her swollen belly.
~•~
"What are you doing here on the sofa, Addie?" Derek asked, approaching her. He had Arleth in his arms and had come down to prepare a bottle for her at 2 a.m.
"Oh, I... I think I fell asleep here," she murmured.
"Are you sick? You look awful."
Is he really going to make that comment in all of her pregnancies? she thought.
"I'm fine, just a little tired. Has Arley eaten yet?"
"Not yet, I was just about to prepare her bottle. Right, baby?" he said in a childish voice, making her smile.
"Give her to me."
"Are you going to breastfeed her?"
Addison nodded as she sat up on the sofa, and Derek handed the baby to her.
She unbuttoned her blouse, unclasped one side of her bra, as she did every day, all the time, and placed Arleth on her breast. A routine she had been doing for over four months, but this time it hurt much more than previous times.
She pressed her eyes with regret and Derek could tell she was uncomfortable.
"Does it hurt?"
"A little... it's nothing."
Nothing. How many times had she minimized her pain to nothing just to not worry him, to not tell him the truth?
"Is something wrong?"
Yes, I'm pregnant, darling. My breasts are extremely sensitive today, and breastfeeding the baby feels like I'm being stabbed with 80 needles at the same time, she wanted to reply.
"I don't know if there's something you want to tell me..."
I don't even know if I want to tell you, because I still don't know if I want to be pregnant or not.
"Is Olive sleeping?" she asked, changing the subject.
"Yes, for several hours. It's 2 a.m., Addie."
"Oh, it's very late... Go upstairs, I'll go to bed in a bit."
"Are you sure you're okay? Don't you want me to prepare a bottle for her?"
"Go, Derek. I'm fine."
~•~
"I wonder if my baby could be the first to break the record of breaking through the uterine wall and sticking a foot out of my belly. How can it kick so much?" Addison asked irritably in the early hours of the morning. They were both lying in bed.
She couldn't sleep a wink due to the baby's energetic movements. She was almost eight months pregnant and the baby was more active than ever.
"Maybe you shouldn't have eaten so much dessert with sugar..." muttered Derek, sleepy.
"Oh, that chocolate cake was delicious. I wish I could have another slice right now. Baby likes sugar."
"If you give it another slice like that, full of sugar, it won't let you sleep until it's time to start school..."
"I can imagine the baby, in a suit and tie, asking me for more and more sweets. 'Mom, I need more sugar. I have an important meeting in the uterus,' it would say while making a business sign with its little hand," she said with a laugh.
Derek, still half asleep, smiled and gently caressed Addison's belly, feeling the baby's mischievous kicks.
"It seems like our son or daughter wants to do a lot of things at the same time: declare war on my bladder, kick a soccer ball to the stratosphere, and eat a chocolate cake, all at the same time. It'll be a multitasker from before it's born," she joked.
"I can imagine it..."
"Ouch! That was a direct hit to the stomach," she complained, "I think it plans to be a soccer champion."
"Well, if it inherits your athletic abilities, we'll be buying tickets to see our child sitting on the bench every game."
"Hey!"
Derek laughed softly and leaned his head towards Addison's belly.
"Listen, unlike your mother, you will be amazing at whatever sport you choose to do. But you have to let mom sleep a little, Baby Shep 2," he whispered sweetly.
"Don't call the baby that. It's a horrible nickname."
"Well, I take it back, Baby. If you want to kick her all night, do it. She likes to feel you. Hit her bladder hard so she wakes up more often."
Addison took a pillow and stuffed it in Derek's face, making him laugh. He took it off and filled her with kisses amidst laughter.
~•~
"Mommy?" Olive whispered in her ear, waking her up at three in the morning. Well, she hadn't slept at all, memories swirling through her mind over and over again, preventing her from falling asleep. Olive had only made her open her eyes.
"What's wrong, Ollie?" she turned her head to look at her.
"Can I sleep with you?"
"Oh... alright..."
Addison shifted over to make room for her in the bed. Derek hadn't even realized that Olive had joined them.
"Do you have a nightmare?" she asked as she stroked her hair.
"No..."
"No? Then why are you here?"
"Because I miss you and I wanted to be with you."
"Yeah? But I'm always with you, sweetie."
"I know... but I wanted to hug you and tell you that you're the best mom in the world."
Without warning, Olive wrapped her arms around Addison's abdomen, hugging her.
Before long, she had fallen into a deep sleep. She rested with such peace as if she hadn't come suddenly to destabilize her mother even more with one of the strongest statements she had ever heard in her life.
Addison looked at the ceiling as tears streamed down her cheeks.
Would the best mother in the world think so much about aborting her baby?