Author's note: This is one of the longest chapters in this story, but I wanted to write it ever since chapter 1. It felt so good to finally write it. I hope I did both Lucas and Carson justice.
—--
Lucas shook his head, huffing in frustration as he entered the mansion garden. John, a member of the Parliament called him all of a sudden, demanding an urgent meeting concerning the funds for his Bill that he STILL didn't approve. For the life of him, Lucas couldn't understand how such a thickhead had a seat in the Parliament! The man knew next to nothing about the thing he was undermining for weeks now. Lucas was at his wits end, but didn't want to give up. If the Bill gets approved, it could enhance some important things. But for that, he needed John's vote.
He climbed up the stairs and unbuttoning his coat as he entered his home, he pulled out his pocket watch.
20.16.
He hoped that Carson was still awake. Lucas knew that his friend usually had a free day after the night shift.
He took off his coat and looked up at the sound of footsteps. His cousin was walking toward the kitchen and Lucas called him:
"Gustave!", as his cousin stopped and turned to him Lucas approached him and asked, concern colouring his voice "Did you see Carson?
Gustave shook his head, his face serious.
"Only for a few moments when he went to use the bathroom. I offered to bring his lunch and dinner up to his room, but he declined", Gustave's facial expression turned concerned "I think that there's more to it than what just happened last night."
Lucas nodded, his face serious, his forehead creased in concern.
"I think so too. I am going to check is he up", and with a slight pat on Gustave's shoulder Lucas turned around and went toward the grand staircase. He quickly crossed them and went toward Carson's room.
Carson sat in his room, trying to concentrate on reading some medical files from the hospital, but to no avail.
It was that time of the year.
Amber's birthday.
He still remembered their short, but happy time together. They were young and so much in love. They had so many plans for their future together.
And in one horrible moment everything was lost.
Carson grieved his late wife and was at peace now. He blamed himself for a long time for her death, even stopped practicing medicine after she died during that surgery…
But little by little, he started to heal. He realized that it wasn't his fault. And he had saved numerous lives since then.
And he tried to move on. Tried to open his heart to love again. And he thought that he had found it with Faith.
He really wanted her to come with him. He even wanted to propose to her. He even bought a ring.
Carson rubbed his forehead, feeling the headache setting in.
It didn't help that she kept on calling him all these years to get medical advice, consultation… It used to pain him to hear her going on and on about medicine while he tried to heal from her rejection. First he thought it was her way to stay in contact with him so she could show him that she cared about him.
Then, it started to hurt.
And then it started to annoy him.
And her call a few days ago made him angry.
A knock was heard on the doors and Carson looked up from the papers in his hands.
"Come in", he called out.
The doors opened and Lucas came in.
"Hey", his friend greeted him quietly "Gustave told me that you spent the whole day in your room, didn't even eat", Lucas carefully asked "Are you alright?"
Carson smiled sadly.
"Yeah. Just thinking", he replied quietly.
Lucas nodded slightly, his hands in his pockets and he slowly made a few steps forward.
"Need some company?", at Carson's troubled look Lucas shrugged "Everybody say I am a good listener", a small smirk curled up his lips "Well, everybody except for Gustave."
Carson couldn't help but chuckle.
"Well, can't say I blame him", he quipped "You certainly disobey his rule of not entering the kitchen!"
Lucas chuckled and shrugged innocently.
"It's too much fun not to do it", he quipped and Carson shook his head, a small chuckle escaping his mouth. Lucas waited until silence prevailed and then asked "Are you up for a game of chess?"
Carson looked up at him and nodded.
"Yeah…That sounds like a fine idea", he replied.
Lucas nodded.
"Alright. I'll go get it from my office", and with those words, he left.
Lucas went downstairs and headed toward his office, but not before bumping into Gustave.
"You were right", said Lucas.
Gustave frowned.
"Of course I was. I am always right", he grumbled.
Lucas gave him a pointed look and just waved his cousin off.
"Spare me, please", at seeing Gustave trying to object Lucas shook his head "Okay, fine. You were right. You are always right. Now will you, PLEASE, fix up a tray of some snacks for him? I may convince him to eat something."
Gustave let out an annoying laugh.
"Alright. No need to go all snarky on me", he grumbled, causing Lucas to wave him off once again and muttering "I give up" he rushed toward his office to get a chess box.
Leaving Gustave with a satisfied smirk as he turned around and went into his kitchen, muttering "You mess with my kitchen, I mess with your nerves".
—--
A few white chess figures were standing at Lucas' side of the chess board and he slowly picked up his black horse and moved it.
And glanced sideways at Carson.
His friend was quiet, his face serious and by the looks of all the figures Lucas already took from Carson's white chess army, he wasn't paying attention to the game either.
But that was beside the point. Lucas avoided ending a game quickly and missed on quite a few moves that could easily bring him victory.
No.
The point of this whole thing was to get Carson to talk.
They played in silence for a while, Lucas waiting patiently for his friend to speak.
And his patience paid up.
"How did you manage to move on?", he heard his friend's quiet voice and looking up, Lucas saw a troubled look on Carson's face.
He took a deep breath in.
"Is that what this is all about?", Lucas asked as he moved a figure across the chess board.
Carson was silent for a moment, his fingers covering his chin and mouth as he watched Lucas moving a figure across the chest board.
And that was when he started to talk.
"We lost two patients last night. A Mother and a baby", he inhaled deeply "I was there when the man came in to see his baby son for the first and the last time", swallowing hard, he kept on talking "When I saw him, all the memories of that horrible pain came back."
Lucas watched him carefully.
"Of your late wife?", he asked cautiously.
Carson slightly nodded.
"Yeah", he whispered "It's her birthday in three days."
Lucas' facial expression turned sympathetic.
"I am so sorry, Carson. I cannot imagine the pain of losing someone you love like that", he said, his voice quiet and gentle.
Carson smiled sadly.
"Thank you. It's been years since than, but I still remember her", he took a deep breath in "It took me a while to grieve and understand that it wasn't my fault she passed away."
Lucas nodded.
"She wouldn't want you to blame yourself", he offered gently.
Carson shook his head, his lips curled up in a thoughtful smile.
"No, she wouldn't. She would probably smack my head for doing so in the first place", he said quietly.
Lucas smiled softly.
"Sounds like a remarkable woman", he said quietly.
Carson nodded.
"She was. We used to have disagreements on some things and she wouldn't stop until she made her point", he chuckled warmly "I remember when we went shopping for carpet for our home", he shook his head, his smile growing "I was adamant to get a simple gray carpet for our living room and she got so worked up. Told me that I have no clue, that it's too thin and that our feet would freeze until we start a fire and the room gets warm", he grimaced slightly "I asked her why on Earth would we be spending time in the cold living room", a chuckle escaped him "She didn't talk to me for two days."
Lucas laughed quietly and held his friend's gaze as he said gently:
"It's the little things you miss the most."
Carson's forehead creased slightly as he nodded.
"Yeah", he whispered before inspecting a chess board and moving his white queen, taking away Lucas' horse. He took a deep breath in before he leaned back in his chair, waiting for Lucas to move a figure "Yeah, I do. It looks like the only time I was happy was when I was with her."
Lucas looked at his friend under his eyebrows, sensing that they were getting to the heart of the matter now.
He took a bite of cheese and a cracker before moving his black hunter, taking away the white pawn. Looking up, he noticed that Carson fell silent again and he decided to simply ask him:
"What about Faith?"
Carson looked up at his friend's eyes and shook his head before he took his glass of wine and sipped a bit. Next, he took one cracker and popped it in his mouth, along with a piece of cheese.
Swallowing, he replied quietly:
"Well, we know how that turned out", he said slowly "She chose Hope Valley and Nathan over me."
Lucas let out a humorless chuckle.
"A repeating pattern", he commented and the two friends shared a look of camaraderie and understanding "It just didn't make sense to me that she didn't want to go with you. And after you left I heard her tell Fiona that she thought you would stay…and I know that she insisted for you to go", taking a sip from his own glass of wine Lucas shook his head "And her sudden interest in Nathan was so sudden and out of the blue. And yet, nothing happened between them."
Carson took another piece of cheese and chewed slowly.
"Yeah, well, it didn't change anything with us either. She still keeps on calling me for medical advice", he mumbled quietly.
Lucas slightly frowned.
"What, even now?!", he asked, slightly shocked. As Carson nodded Lucas shook his head in disbelief before he asked quietly "Do you still care about her?"
Carson inhaled deeply before shaking his head.
"No. At the beginning, her calls used to make me think that there's still chance for us", he said slowly, his face serious "However, once she started to mention Nathan, I realized what was going on. And then it just hurt", he huffed out a breath "Now it's only making me angry."
Lucas shook his head in disbelief.
"So she is only calling you when she needs to consult with you on a medical matter?", as Carson nodded, Lucas let out a humorless laugh "Unbelievable", he watched his friend carefully "Did you try to tell her to stop?", as Carson shook his head, Lucas' facial expression turned sympathetic "Perhaps you should. You have to face that someday."
Carson looked up at his friend's eyes.
"Did you?", he asked carefully.
Lucas inhaled deeply and nodded without a word.
Carson shook his head.
"I cannot imagine how hard that was. You two were engaged after all. And from what I know, the whole thing with Jack didn't help the matter either", Carson said cautiously and glanced back up at his friend "How did you find strength to do it?"
Lucas took a deep breath in.
"Grace helped me. She was the one who told me what was going on, how Elizabeth lied about the break up to the entire Hope Valley, including her students", he shook his head, his eyebrows slightly creasing "But, what really destroyed me was that she sent Jack away so we wouldn't see each other. And Grace told me that I should talk with her. Set things straight. Get a closure."
Carson smiled softly.
"She's truly amazing", he moved his queen and took Lucas' pawn away before adding, his smile widening "But I guess you know that better than I do."
Lucas chuckled at his friend's teasing, his heart warming at the mere thought of his beloved Grace.
"I most certainly do. She saved me. In every way a man can be saved", he said honestly "She showed me what true love really is. She is in it just as I am, with all heart and soul. And I know that she would go with me wherever our life takes us. As I would go with her", he inhaled deeply
before continuing "Grace is like me. She doesn't bond for places. It's the people that count for her. I know that I would follow her to the end of the world. And she'd do the same for me."
Carsin listened carefully, a soft smile on his face, before mowing a pawn and taking Lucas' hunter away.
"That is amazing. And I am so happy for you two. You compliment each other, it is plain as the day", he looked down at the chess board before murmuring quietly "Perhaps I am wrong. Perhaps Faith simply wasn't ready…She only wanted to be a doctor and…", he rambled, but Lucas didn't allow him to go down that path.
He slowly interrupted his friend:
"Carson…she could have been a doctor if she went with you to Baltimore. You didn't forbid her to work like her ex fiancé did", as his friend fell silent, a faraway look in his eyes, Lucas continued "You are forgetting that YOU were the one who encouraged her to pursue a doctor's career. YOU were the one who helped her go back to Medical College in Chicago. You never discouraged her. In fact, you were the one who made her dream come true."
Carson smiled sadly.
"Well, you did the same for Elizabeth. She published her book thanks to you and your Mother", he said quietly and exhaled a frustrated breath "What went wrong? Did we do something wrong, Lucas?"
Lucas smiled sadly, knowing the pain his friend felt. He dealt with it, but Carson obviously did not
"No, Carson. THEY changed", he said and shook his head "And they didn't have courage to tell us so until we had to go. They were hiding from real life in Hope Valley. Faith could have become a very appreciated doctor anywhere in this world. You two could have opened the practice together anywhere you went."
Carson rubbed his forehead, looking carefully at Lucas.
"So you think that Hope Valley is just an excuse?", he asked quietly.
Lucas' eyes softened.
"Apparently it is. In our cases", he replied "Faith couldn't seem to settle down. You, Shane, Nathan…", Lucas shrugged "And she still goes on and on with that sense of Hope Valley community."
Carson looked curiously at him.
"What do you mean?", he asked.
Lucas moved a pawn before speaking up:
"Back in Hope Valley, after my confrontation with Elizabeth, she had a go at Grace when I wasn't around", he shook his head, his heart aching painfully as he remembered that horrible moment when he nearly lost his darling Grace "Elizabeth told her something that hurt her a lot. Luckily, I heard her say that and went inside the library trying to stop her. But, the damage was already done. Grace told her off good and once she ran outside, she broke down in tears and started to run, not watching where is she going and ran straight in front of the car ", he let out a shaky breath "I don't know how, but I managed to pull her out of the harm's way at the last second. She was so upset, so broken and she just wanted to go back home. I booked us tickets for the next train that evening. And when I asked Faith to check in on her before we go and say is it safe for Grace to travel, she gave me a Hope Valley community speech."
Carson listened carefully as Lucas relayed the whole conversation he had with Faith back in that day.
Noticing Faith coming downstairs, Lucas rushed toward her.
"Is she alright?", he asked, his voice etched with concern.
Faith nodded.
"She's fine. It looks like you really got her out of harm's way in time. She doesn't even have a scratch", replied Faith
Lucas let out a breath of relief, his palm rubbing his forehead.
"Oh, thank God!", he whispered. Looking back at Faith, he asked "So, is it safe for her to travel?"
Faith slightly creased her eyebrows.
"Travel?", she parroted.
Lucas nodded, already going toward the stairs.
"We're going home tonight. Train leaves at 23.00. But, only if you say that it's safe for her to travel, especially that long", he said, stopping at the first step and looking at Faith.
She gaped for a few seconds, then slightly shook her head.
"Yeah, of course, she is absolutely fine, but Lucas, you just got here two days ago!", Faith rambled on.
Lucas shrugged, his eyebrows slightly creased.
"So?", he asked.
Faith stammered.
"Well, don't you want to stay for a while?"
Lucas watched her for a few seconds before he asked:
"Whatever for?"
Faith opened her mouth, stammered a bit then produced a smile of disbelief.
"Lucas, this is your home, people here…there are your family. You have a job here", Faith rambled on.
Lucas put a hand on the railing, humorless smile on his lips.
"No, Faith. All that is not important. In my experience, it's not the town or townspeople that make you a home and a family. It is that one person that gives you that. A home. And a family. And that's all that matters to me."
And with those words, he went upstairs, leaving Faith gobsmacked and speechless.
As Lucas finished, Carson shook his head in disbelief.
"It really makes you wonder, doesn't it? Did they actually care about us at all", he murmured quietly "Or were we just too good opportunities."
Lucas smiled softly.
"You won't do yourself any favours trying to understand their behavior, trust me. I've been there, done that. And it only made me fall deeper into a bottomless hole of depression and pain", he said gently before continuing "You have to tell Faith to stop calling you, that it's not fair of her to do so. You have to close that chapter of your life once and for all, Carson. And then, you will be able to start moving on. Slowly, but you'll get there. And you're not alone. You have friends here. Don't forget that."
Carson let out a breath of relief and smiled softly.
"Thank you, Lucas. For everything", as two friends shared another look of camaraderie and understanding Carson moved his white horse and said, his blue eyes sparkling "Check mate."
Lucas let out a small laugh.
"Well, you have a strange way of showing your gratitude!", as he said that, both of them laughed and Lucas brought his black King down in defeat, his dark eyes sparkling with humour "Want to play another one?"
Carson smiled, his face transforming completely and he nodded.
"Sure. Bring it on", and with those words, two good friends started to line up the chess figures on the board once again.
—--
When you were lonely, you needed a man
Someone to lean on, well I understand
It's only natural
But why did it have to be me?
Nights can be empty and nights can be cold
So you were looking for someone to hold
That's only natural
But why did it have to be me?
I was so lonesome, I was blue
I couldn't help it, it had to be you
And I always thought you knew the reason why.
I only wanted a little love affair
Now I can see you are beginning to care
But baby, believe me
It's better to forget me.
Men are the toys in the game that you play
When you get tired, you throw 'em away
That's only natural
But why did it have to be me?
Falling in love with a woman like you
Happens so quickly, there's nothing to do
It's only natural
But why did it have to be me?
I was so lonesome, I was blue
I couldn't help it, it had to be you
And I always thought you knew the reason why.
I only wanted a little love affair
Now I can see you are beginning to care
But baby, believe me
It's better to forget me.
(ABBA - "Why did it have to be me?")