The entire world was a blur… a weird blur of disappointment, pain, and sorrow…
Jonathan was like in trance. He didn't realized anything anymore. He was totally apathic when he watched the landscape passing the window on his ride. Out of Smallville, away from his family… just himself.
Of course he noticed the people in the bus avoiding him. As soon as he sat down, the people in the row behind him moved one row further. And in the row in front of him, nobody sat down. Nobody dared to talk to him. Instead just looking on him as if he stinks like rotten trash. But Jon was used to this already… and he didn't care either. At least nobody could see him cry now.
The day began actually pretty promising…
After the bad news that Mrs. Cushing does not want to have anything to do with them anymore (at least for now) and his father took him to the barn to fix the tractor together, Jon talked to him. Knowing that Jordan was distracted, Jon decided to risk it and try to talk to him. About the hate he receives, about the struggles he feels every day, about how he feels with him as father…
After the first few sentences, everything seemed to go well. And Jonathan kind of felt a feeling of relax. Sure, the conversation wandered quickly over to Jordan again and Clark left immediately to get Jordan 'back' to the farm. And Jonathan believed that it was only about to get Jordan back.
After all, it was an important matter. And Jonathan thought it could be better if Jordan was with them. It was affecting them all and he didn't want his brother to be worried. The whole X-K mess had a negative effect on Jordan, too. But today, Jonathan will confess everything. He will tell them the whole story. The reason he took the X-K, the reason why he didn't tell them earlier, the reason why he covered for Candice. Everything! After the good talk with his father, he finally has the confidence to tell them everything.
But his father didn't come back after a few minutes, like expected. Hours passed. And since Jon was bored and had nothing else to do (since he has no friends to hang out with anymore and couldn't go to town without getting hate) he decided to go on with his father's list of chores. And the list was long…
With each passing hour, Jon was more worried. The chores itself were not that hard and could be done by only one person easily. But there was still that feeling that something terrible was going on. His doppelganger was still out there. Mrs. Cushing's doppelganger was out there. And some of the threads he received from other players and even their parents, let him be afraid that anytime one of them could show up here and finish him of. Every time before he left the house or the barn, he carefully peeked out to check if he was really alone or if someone was coming. He also kept attention to the sky to listen for the trademark sound of a sonic boom when a Kryptonian was approaching. But it remained calm. And before Jonathan could think, the list was finished and he had to come up with own chores…
It was not on the list, but Jonathan vacuumed the corridor upstairs and his own room. Then he watered the plants in his mother's office, knowing that it was a bad habit of his mother to focus so much on her work, that she even forgets the plants around her. After that he went back to the barn to polish the old tractor. His father always said that it was the tractor his father (Jon's grandfather and his namesake) bought when Clark was little and that was said to get older than any of them, since it was so well built.
Jon thought that something might have happened. He was used to the fact that his father often needed to leave for a saving or a Superman-mission. Maybe there was somewhere a plane to save from crashing, or a ship to prevent from sinking? He regularly checked the news, but there was nothing. Just the daily death-threats from the town's people.
What he definitely didn't expect (or better should have expected) were his father and his brother both arriving on the farm smiling, well tempered and as if nothing happened. The first bad thought came when he heard two instead of just one sonic boom, like usual. And when he came out of the barn, he saw Jordan laying on the ground next to their smiling father. And he said something about 'his landings getting better', which led Jon believe the worst.
"Where have you been?"
"I took your brother out on a little trip to the fortress!" Clark, who obviously forgot everything, said with a bright smile.
"Yeah, dad took me flying!" Jordan added happily.
Suddenly every good feeling Jonathan had vanished. So it was all a lie… they just fooled him…
"While I was here?" was everything Jonathan got out. Even if he really wanted to start to let out a tantrum. He knew it was useless. Jon had no idea what was worse: The fact that his father once again forgot him, or that sheepish sneers on their faces. "Well… for that I got all the chores done!"
Jon had to leave. He had to leave before he starts to cry in front of them. He didn't want to give them this triumph. And so he just passed them and walked over to the house. The sooner he gets under the shower, the sooner he can let the tears flow… Flying? Is there one power his brother don't gets? He couldn't imagine that it hurts?
"I should talk to him!" Jon heard his father saying. Maybe he realized how much he offended Jon. "But anyway, Jordan… I am proud on you!"
Suddenly Jon felt that urge to use his fist to smash it into his brother's and his father's faces. The only thing that stopped him from that was the thought of his broken arm, he got when he stopped Jordan from killing Jimmy Cutter. How dares he? Was that on purpose? To show him how much better they are, compared to him?
Jon walked faster after that statement. The urge to get away from their view got even stronger. Because it hurt! It hurt to terribly to hear that. He was pretty sure, his father will now come up with a lame apology before they will start to tell him everything about their trip and how great Jordan did today. But instead he could only hear his father flying away…
So, his father is even too 'great' to talk to him? He has enough time to tell Jordan how proud he is on him, but not enough to call him and tell him that he takes Jordan flying while Jon does their chores. Jon thought it can't get worse… But it should… since Jordan was still here…
Jordan realized that something was going on. There was no word of congratulation from his brother like usual. And he didn't like the face his brother made. Jordan ignored the ELT of his grandfather. Thinking it was just average DOD-stuff and followed his brother inside.
Jonathan smashed the door close, put off his dirty jacket and was just about to storm upstairs to the bathroom when Jordan came into the house to see his brother. Jonathan turned away his face immediately, to not to show his tears, that were now flowing down his face.
"Jon, is everything all right?"
"I'm fine!" Jon lied, but Jordan didn't buy that.
"No, you're not! I see it!"
"Leave it be, Jordan!" Jon said, trying to sound not annoyed. "Please!"
Jonathan looked on his brother as if he was a stranger, who just assaulted him. He could feel the fury inside of him raising. He wanted to yell. He wanted to punch him into his god-dammed face. But he couldn't! Just thinking about it, let him feel the pain of his broken arm again.
"Jon, did something happen while we were gone?"
"No… Not really! I just finished all chores, while thinking about how to get my life under control again. Since our dearest father promised to help and to listen to me before you two screwed off for, how long…" Jon looked on the clock on the wall. "…for four hours and 20 minutes!"
"Were we really gone that long?" Jordan asked shocked and looked on the clock, too. "Oh, fuck!"
"Well, the time passes quicker when you have fun! While I was here, brooding, working… but I should have known it!"
"What?"
"Aww… forget it!" Jon moaned and start to walk up the stairs.
Jordan instinctively used his super speed to grab his brother by his arm to prevent him from leaving…
Jonathan became pale. He wanted to scream. He wanted to yell on Jordan that he should go off of him. He wanted to burst out in tears, when those bad memories came up again…
"Hey, Jon… sorry that you had to do all chores alone!"
"Your sorry?! Why it feels that you two… I… you could have at least tell me you are leaving?" Jon murmured abashed while he was able to pull his arm out of his brother's grip.
The arm start to hurt again. He looked down on it. There was no bruise and his brother didn't break it. But just thinking about everything let it hurt again. Jordan didn't notice that, he just continued talking.
"Wow, I need to tell you, that was absolutely incredible…" Jordan start to rave.
Jonathan looked on his brother with big eyes and wondered if his brother even realized what he and their father just did, or how much they offended him. Instead Jordan, like always in the past few months, only wanted to talk about himself.
"…that is such an awesome feeling! This prickling across the whole body and this feeling. Flying is without doubt the best ability of all. You were right! Oh you should have seen it! That was so much fun! Especially the Kessel-run! I had no idea how…"
"SHUT UP!" Jonathan yelled.
He became totally red in the face when he saw Jordan's shocked and embarrassed face. Jordan meanwhile looked on his brother as if he just got slapped.
"Jon, what is wrong with you?"
"What is wrong with me? What is wrong with you?" Jonathan asked back. "What is wrong with our father? What is wrong with every crap that is going on here?"
"Jon, Dad just helped me with my powers!"
"I HATE YOUR POWERS! YOUR FUCKING POWERS HAVE DESTROYED MY LIFE!" Jonathan screamed directly into Jordan's face so loud that it hurt in his ears.
Jordan shied back one step and against the wall behind him. His face became totally pale while he looked into his brother's furious and desperate face. Tears start to run down Jonathan's face when months of bottled up anger, fear and sorrow finally broke it's way through.
"I gave up everything to help you guys to move here and grow together. But when I ask just for five minutes of our dearest father's fucking attention, he tells me ever and ever again that it is more important to turn you into Superboy. So, just leave me alone and tell your grandmother in your stupid fortress about that you are one step closer to becoming Kryptonian. This is everything what mattes? What I weak and dumb human think, doesn't matter! Why should it?"
Jon stormed upstairs, went straight to his room and smashed the door close. Usually his parents said that nobody was allowed to do that. Because of Clark's and Jordan's super-hearing. But Jon was too upset to respect his brother's ears now.
After Jon smashed the door close, he let the tears finally flow freely. Did that really just happen? Did he just yelled out loudly what he was thinking for so long now? Did he really just hurt his brother's feelings? Jordan's powers were the only thing that let him feel special. But for Jon they were a curse!
To Jordan's defense: His brother was really unaware. He really had nothing else to let him feel special. And his brother had his anxiety for years…
But the stronger Jordan got, the better his anxiety got, too. There was no emergency and Jordan was not in pain. This was just to cheer him up about his love-sickness. And Jonathan? What does he have to do to get any help? What does he have to do get told that they are proud on him? Getting powers? After this day, Jon was sure that his parents only wanted powered children!
"Jon…" Jordan wailed from the corridor after he knocked on the closed door. "…Jon, please…"
"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Jonathan yelled angrily, before grabbing one of his old trophies and throwing it against the closed door.
The loud bang, from the trophy that hit the wooden door let Jordan shy away again.
"Jon, please…"
"I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!" Jon yelled again and grabbed the next trophy to throw it against the door. "GO AND FLY AWAY… YOU HAVE THE WHOLE WORLD OPEN FOR YOU, SUPERBOY! MY WORLD ONLY CONSISTS OF THIS STINKING FARM!"
Jordan knew that it was useless to try to talk to Jon now. He knew what it meant to have a tantrum. He knew what it meant to be angry and upset. And Jordan realized that this was his fault, too. Upset and full of guilt, he walked down the stairs and left the house to get some air. Suddenly all his joy to be able to fly was gone and replaced by doubt…
In his room, Jon was crying when he walked up and down in his room. Thinking about what happened. His parents will be mad on him! Yeah, they will scold him for hurting Jordan's feelings. He looked up again and saw all his trophies he collected over the years. Everything he ever achieved was useless. Meaningless! For nothing! It was trash! Because the only thing that matters in this family is superpowers!
Jon knew: nobody will miss him! They will not care if he vanishes, or dies, or merges with his inverse. Jon opened the drawler of his dresser, where he hides his money. The job in the store in town was meant as a punishment, but Jon made good money. It was not much, but enough to get out of town for at least a few days…
This was usually the moment, someone comes to the farm, or their parents call them about an emergency. In that case Jon wouldn't leave. He would calm down immediately and support everyone… but nothing happened…
Natalie didn't call…
His father was fighting not alone…
The fight went well…
His father does not lose his powers… giving Jon no reason to stay…
When he was sure that his brother wasn't watching, Jon left the house and start to run...
Jonathan ran. He just ran. His brother will think that he wants to burn off some steam… but in truth Jon just wanted to get away…
When Jon arrived in town after his two-mile run, he got what he expected: People looked on him as if he was a serial-killer. Others just walked away to avoid talking to him completely. But Jon was used to this now. He understood why the people were mad on him! He made a mistake! But it sucked that everyone gave him the full blame? What about Timmy Ryan? What about the other players who took it? Well, this doesn't matter as well. Because Jon is from Metropolis and was never one of them, just like he was never a part of his own so-called family.
A loud notification sound from his phone woke him up from his brooding. Maybe someone from town wrote another death-treat, but it was a notification from Facebook: Timmy Tanner has posted a new photo!
Suddenly Jon got an idea…
Timmy Tanner was unbiased! He was an old friend, who left years ago to move to Europe, but remained in touch with him and Jordan. He was not befriended with anyone from his old football-team and he 'hopefully' doesn't know about Jon's X-K-fiasco. Jon was at the bus-station now. On the electronic timetable he could see that the next bus to Metropolis was departing in five minutes. Just enough time for him to buy a ticket.
While he was waiting in front of the ticket-counter, he dialed Timmy Tanner's number with trembling hands and waited for his friend to pick up. He didn't!
"Not you, too?" Jon cried.
The ticket vendor (another player's mother) gave him the same death-glare as everyone else and at first denied selling him a ticket. Thinking he only goes to Metropolis to get more X-K. It took Jon all his modesty to not to cry again but finally she gave in and sold him the ticket just in time for Jon to get into the bus…
The woman was mainly glad to get Jon out of Smallville, but after seeing that bruise on his arm (where Jon-El hurt him) let her believe that there was maybe another reason for him to leave…
But suddenly the phone rang again… Timmy called back… He indeed called back…
With trembling hands, Jon accepted the call and asked with trembling voice if he could spend the night at his place…
That was several hours ago, and the bus ride had been quite and unspectacular…
While Jonathan watched the tall buildings of Metropolis pass his window while the bus left the expressway to get to the central bus-station, he was not aware that his brother was crying waterfalls, while sitting in the barn on the haystack where he and his father sat hours before, and realized how hurt his brother must be.
Clark meanwhile was, despite feeling pretty shaken and tired, in a good mood. Because they managed, with John-Henry's and Natalie's help, to defeat Ally and to separate them again. At least for now…
"Ally still has the pendant!" Lois said.
"But she is weakened. And her bizarro-self is locked away at the DOD! She will not dare to try it that fast!" Sam told before looking on the backseat, where Clark was hiding. "Are you better, Clark?"
"Yeah, my powers seem to recover slowly!" Clark wailed.
Ally hit him hard and was somehow able to drain his powers. But luckily John-Henry and Natalie interfered on time and prevented worse. But Clark was powerless and so weak, that they had to drive him by car back to the farm. Since he was still in his suit, Clark had to hide to not to be seen.
"Is it still far?" he asked. Hours have passed, and he still wanted to talk to Jonathan about today.
"No, we can already see the farm!" Lois said.
"Good… I still need to talk to Jonathan! He seemed very unhappy when I came back with Jordan!" Clark explained.
"Came back? From where?" Lois asked confused. She thought Clark planned to spend the day with the boys on the farm doing chores.
"Well… there is some news! Jordan learned to fly today!" Clark told proudly.
"He can fly?!" Sam and Lois exclaimed surprised.
Proudly, Clark told them how he took Jordan out to cheer him up and how the boy learned to fly. After seeing Jon-El flying, Clark knew that Jordan should be able, too so he tried it. Jordan was happy now. The part with the frustrated Jon, who was alone on the farm for hours, he didn't mention…
Everyone was excited and in a good mood when they arrived on the property. With Ally weakened, and the portal unstable and unpassable for a while, they had some time to calm down and find peace. Clark would have enough time to recover and could spend some time with the boys. What he didn't expect was to hear Jordan crying in the barn.
"Jordan is crying!" Clark said shocked and surprised. Wondering why the boy is so upset. Today should be the best day of his life.
The three adults went to the barn where they found Jordan sitting on the haybale next to the tractor. He didn't turn around when they entered. Jordan didn't want to show them how upset he was.
"Jordan, what happened?" Lois asked shocked and went closer to look at her son. "Why are you so upset! Your father told us about how great you did today and how proud we can be on you!"
Jordan's eyes were red from crying, his face and his shirt were wet from tears. And the shame was written in his face.
"Jon hates me!" Jordan cried out.
"What? Why?" Clark asked shocked.
"Because I have powers!" Jordan shrugged.
"This is not okay!" Clark said now even more shocked.
He couldn't believe what he had to hear. Jordan's powers were unpredicted, yeah. But they were a part of him and made him special, too. And Jonathan always seemed fine. After hearing his father's last sentence Jordan suddenly turned to him to look up on his father and giving him this poisonous glare that let Clark shudder.
"Why didn't you tell Jon about us leaving?"
"I forgot to tell him! I couldn't know that it takes us so long up there!" Clark defended himself.
"Wait, what? Where?" Lois asked worried. "Jordan, what happened?"
Jordan began to cry again before he told everything: How he went to the town hall, got dismissed by Lana, how Clark found him, took him to the arctic for their flying, how they returned and how he tried to talk to Jon when he was so frustrated. And how he worsened everything. How the fight escalated and how Jon literally told that he gives up before storming away and since then denies talking to him…
"And since then, he didn't come out of his room! And I didn't want to be pushy!" Jordan finished. "Dad, that was really mean!"
"CLARK?!" Lois said shocked. "You left him alone for hours? What if his doppelganger had come?"
"I go and talk to him! He will understand!" Clark said convinced and turned to the house to check if Jon was inside. But Clark was shocked when he realized that he couldn't hear him. "I don't hear his heartbeat…"
In a blur, Clark was gone and searched the whole house. Jon was gone.
"JONATHAN?!" Clark yelled
In panic he rushed back to the barn to face Jordan again.
"Jordan, where is your brother?" Clark asked panicked.
"What? He is not in his room?" Jordan said shocked.
"He sneaked out?" Sam asked.
"Or his doppelganger got him!" Clark said shocked. Suddenly he realized the full weight of his act and rushed away in a blur again to use his still impaired powers to localize Jonathan…
Jonathan, who was full of despair and shame, didn't notice how much his family panicked…
After the bus arrived at the West-Metropolis-Bus-Terminal he waited for all others to leave the bus before he left as the last. Being back in Metropolis let him feel better. But he was still full of fear.
He knew his family will be mad on him! For hurting Jordan's feelings, for being mean, and for leaving. But he didn't endure it in that awful town anymore. With trembling legs, he walked away from the bus over the platform. Still feeling the mean glares of the other passengers, who wondered if Jon was here in Metropolis to purchase X-K. Jonathan could see it in their faces. This hate, this rejection… He was all alone in Smallville. But luckily not here in Metropolis…
"JON!"
That young male voice let Jon become curious and he looked up. There was he: The only one who remained in touch with him after the move. The only one who responded to his cry for help after his fight with Jordan. The only one he knew, was not biased, not mad on him, or in any other way on bad terms with him: Timothy 'Timmy' Tanner!
"Hey, long time no see!" Timmy said and got closer. The boy was aware that Jon was in trouble, but he didn't expect Jon to be so devastated. "Hey… what happened?"
Jonathan didn't respond to this. He only burst out in tears and hugged his old friend, who returned the hug immediately and realized that something terrible must have going on.
"Hey… Hey, there there… everything is okay! You are safe!"