Songs:
"Time in a Bottle," Jim Croce
"Home," Michael Bublé
Chapter 29
Edward
"Be good for your mom and your dad," I say as I hold the boys in a fierce hug.
Jacob tightens his hold on my shoulders. "Promise, Edward."
"We will," Seth adds, his voice wavering just a little. "We'll make you so proud."
I pull back and meet their eyes. What I find there practically guts me. I can see how hard they're trying to hold it together—the same way I remember keeping my emotions in check when my father would have to leave us when he went remote. But I was brought up in that life; it was all I'd ever known. That didn't mean it wasn't still difficult for me. These boys have never lived the military life, so I can only imagine how torn up they're feeling about me leaving them and their mother.
I press a palm to the side of each of their heads. "Remember what I told you boys; the most important thing you can do while I'm gone is respect your mother. And respecting her means to listen when she talks, to speak to her with respect, and to be kind. If you can do that, this will be easier on all of you."
They both nod.
I look to Jacob. "And like I told you last night, you've got some big shoes to fill. You're old enough that I expect you to hold my spot as man of the house until I get back, and that means taking on more responsibility."
"I remember. I won't let you down," he says solemnly.
"Good." I wrap them in a final hug. My eyes sting, and my throat feels tight. "I'm going to miss you guys."
"We're gonna miss you, too, Edward," Seth says.
When I feel them start to loosen their hold on me, I reluctantly let them go. It's then that I turn to my quietly crying wife and open my arms.
She practically runs at me and buries her face in my chest. "I'm still not ready," she mumbles into my shirt.
My throat tightens. "I know, baby," I rasp. "I'm not either."
And I'm really not. Before Bella, jumping on a plane to serve my next assignment was exciting. I couldn't wait to go to a new place and explore, to see the sights and experience the culture. This time, though, I can honestly say I have no desire to leave. The wanderlust I once felt has all but disappeared, because for the first time in my life I have everything I've ever wanted. And all of it is right here in Phoenix. If it were up to me, I'd never leave. But it's not up to me.
Duty calls.
"I still don't know why you don't want us to take you to the airport," she says, sniffling. Finally, she pulls away and looks up at me.
I brush the hair from her face. "Because I know you. Watching me walk away …" I shake my head and lower my voice to a whisper. "I don't want you driving while you're upset, baby."
Stifling a sob, she nods.
I close my eyes and pull her to me again, holding her as tightly as I possibly can. "I'm gonna miss you so damn much."
"Me, too."
Three quick raps on the door echo through the foyer, and I know my time is up.
"I need to go."
"I know."
But neither of us moves to release the other.
When Jasper knocks once more, I hold Bella a little closer and breathe a little deeper, doing my damndest to commit the feel and smell of her to my memory.
With every ounce of my strength, I loosen my hold and tilt her chin up for a kiss. A kiss meant to last the months before I'll have her in my arms again.
By comparison, it's more chaste than even the kiss we shared in front of our families on our wedding day, but it's steeped in emotion. Days ago, I told her I didn't want to say the words, so with a soft and lingering press of our lips, we say our goodbyes.
When I pull away, I stare into her shining eyes and cup her cheek. "I love you more than my own life, Bella."
"I love you, too. More than you'll ever know."
"I think I have some idea." I press another forceful kiss to her forehead. I close my eyes and take another deep breath. This is what will sustain me in the months to come, so I linger just a moment, fortifying the parts of my life this woman has given me.
Family.
Home.
Love.
Knowing I've dragged this out for as long as possible, not to mention I'll be late for my flight if I don't get moving, I step away and pick up my bags.
"All right, this is where we say I'll see you later, all right?" I ask the boys, swallowing past the lump in my throat.
"We'll see you later," they both say.
"And we'll start writing our letters now!" Seth says with just enough enthusiasm to make me crack a grin.
"I can't wait to read them, Seth."
I look over at my wife. Her arms are wrapped around her middle, as if she's physically trying to hold herself together. With tears clouding my vision, I tell her one more time how much I love her. "More than there are stars in the sky, Bella."
"I love you."
Before I lose my nerve, I pull the strap of my backpack higher on my shoulder and grasp the handle of my duffel with purpose and walk through the door, leaving my family—my life—behind.
Outside, I meet the understanding eyes of one of my oldest friends. Wordlessly, we walk side by side down the path until we reach his car at the curb. I toss my bags in the trunk and slip into the passenger seat.
"Thanks for giving me a few minutes."
"No problem," Tex drawls, starting the engine. "But for a minute there, I thought I was gonna have to come inside and drag you out by your ear."
"Sorry. That was … a lot harder than I thought it would be."
"And it never gets any easier, my friend."
As he shifts into drive and pulls away from the curb, I glance toward the townhouse. The boys, standing at the living room window with their mother between them, are my last vision of home as we start down the street.
I tip my head back against the headrest and close my eyes, finally allowing a few of the tears I've kept at bay to slide down my cheeks. I quickly wipe them away and clear my throat. "Can you promise to keep an eye on them?"
"You don't even have to ask. We're family, Vamp, and family takes care of each other. You don't need to worry about them. Ali and I will make sure they're all right."
"Thanks," I murmur.
I've done what I can to ease Bella's burdens while I'm gone. She and the boys are not only taken care of financially, but they're also surrounded by loving friends and family. I'm leaving them in the best possible situation in less than ideal circumstances.
I only hope it's enough.
With one deep breath and long exhale, I push away the worry that threatens to eat me alive.
As Jasper pulls up to the terminal and shifts into park, I eye the people unloading their luggage and checking in curbside. Some are in a hurry. Others are fumbling with their suitcases. The sight of a large family catches my eye, and I'm instantly brought back to less than a month ago when we were the ones with smiling faces on our way to Disneyland.
What a difference a few weeks makes.
"Well, this is it," Jasper says, pulling me from my thoughts.
I breathe a sigh, reaching for the door handle. "This is it."
We both get out of the car and walk around to the trunk to grab my bags. Once everything is unloaded, Jasper comes in for a hug, slapping my back. "You take care of yourself over there, you hear me?"
"I will. And thanks, Tex. For everything." Pulling back, I reach down for my duffel and hitch my backpack a little higher on my shoulder. I turn to walk away.
But before I reach the door, Tex calls out, "Hey, Vamp?"
I look back to see his huge grin.
"Don't forget to watch your six, motherfucker."
Fighting a grin of my own, I shake my head and turn back toward the door, but not before flipping him the bird over my shoulder.
It's time to go to work.
The commercial flight into Baltimore is over in what feels like a blink. With stopping to refuel, it takes the rotator flight more than fourteen hours to get us to Balad. When we finally land and the airplane door is open, the gritty heat billows into the aircraft in an instant.
They don't call this place the sandbox for nothing.
I grab my bags and file out behind other men and women here to serve their assignment. I step out onto the top of the boarding stairs into nearly blinding sunlight. Snatching my sunglasses from the side pocket of my backpack, I put them on and begin my descent down the staircase.
As I reach the bottom and step onto the flight line, I'm greeted by a familiar, smiling face.
"When they told me who my new deputy was, I thought they were yanking my chain." Colonel Royce King grins as I approach him. "How the hell are you, Vamp?"
"Hey, Rolls. Good to see you." I reach out and grasp his proffered hand with one arm and give my old friend a one-armed hug with the other. "And since when are they letting you run shit around here?"
He snorts a laugh as he slaps my back and pulls away. "Since when did they think it was a good idea to make you my deputy?" With a hand on my shoulder he jerks his head toward the trailers where the officers' quarters are. "Come on. Let's get you settled so you can rest up." His famously devious grin lights his face once more. "Because come tomorrow morning, I'm putting your ass to work."
..
From: Lt. Col. Edward A. Cullen, USAF
To: Bella Cullen
Sunday, June 1, 2008, 16:09 local
Subject: I made it
To my beautiful wife,
Hey, baby. I made it here safe and sound a few hours ago. It's a little after 2:00 in the afternoon here. Thankfully, I somehow managed to sleep through most of the flight. It's hot here, but then again, so is Phoenix in the summer and I did okay there. I'm sure it won't take me long to get acclimated.
I'm already settled into my quarters with the picture and album you and the boys sent with me next to my bed. They'll be the last thing I see when I go to bed at night and the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning.
Bella, I already miss you. I'm pretty sure I missed you before I walked out the door and got into Jasper's car. I wish there was some way I could make up for leaving you so soon in our marriage, but I can't. I can only hope that I've done all I can to make sure you're taken care of, that you're supported in my absence.
We may only be starting on the sacrifices, but I hope, one day, you'll be able to look back and think to yourself that it was all worth it.
Please let Jacob and Seth know I got their emails and to check their inboxes.
But tell me about you. How are you doing? How are the boys adjusting? I know it's only been a couple of days, but I know from experience the first few days can be some of the hardest. It tears me up inside to know how much you and the boys are giving up while I'm gone.
I report first thing in the morning and likely won't have any time to check my email until later in the day. I know we talked before I left that we'd talk on your Wednesday and Sunday evenings, but I'll wait for you to confirm that time still works so you'll know when to expect my call. Even though it'll only be for fifteen minutes per call, I already can't wait to hear your voice again.
With all my love,
Edward
From: Bella Cullen
To: Lt. Col. Edward. A. Cullen, USAF
Sunday, June 1, 2008, 08:33 local
Subject: I miss you already.
Edward,
Your email was the perfect thing to wake up to.
I can't lie and say it's been easy, but today is already better because I'm starting my day reading words from you, meaning I'm starting today with a smile on my face. Between our mothers, Rose, Alice, Angela and Charlotte, they're all making sure I don't wallow. They gave me one day to snuggle with the boys in our PJs while we watched movies before they swooped in to keep me busy.
The boys go back to their dad's tonight, so I'm not sure how it'll feel to be in an empty house again. Not too long ago it was my reality every other week. I guess I got spoiled having you here with me. I'll have to make do with wearing one of your shirts to sleep in and cuddling with your pillow. They still smell like you, so I may never wash them. At least not until you're back home.
Don't judge me.
Walking into our room is harder than I thought it would be, but just seeing your things here with mine—your clothes hanging beside mine in the closet, your running shoes still by the door—brings me some comfort. I'm trying to put a smile on my face and pull up my big girl pants and forge ahead, but I'm not going to lie; it's going to be difficult. I know it's impossible, but please don't worry about me. I have the boys, my family, your family, our friends. I have all the support a girl could ask for. And I know I have you to thank for that. Even from half a world away, you're taking care of me.
The boys' last day of school is this week, and they're excited to start their summer day camp program again. They won't need a sitter every day of the week, and the structure will do them good.
I miss you, Edward, but I'm trying to keep a smile on my face and remember this isn't forever. As difficult as it is to be parted from you so soon, I'm so unbelievably proud of you. I'm a lucky woman to call you my husband.
I'll be waiting for that call, Vamp.
All my unending love,
Bella
From: Jacob and Seth McCarty
To: Lt. Col. Edward. A. Cullen, USAF
Sunday, June 1, 2008, 16:25 local
Subject: hi
Edward,
Hi! We got your email. That's a really long time on a plane. And is it really that hot there? It's hot here too. Mom said we can go to the pool next week. Do they have a pool there? We have to go to Dad's in a little bit, so I can't talk long. I just wanted to say hi. And I wanted to tell you I listened to mom when she told me to make my bed this morning. I didn't even roll my eyes. She gave me a hug when I did it, so I think I did okay. I just want to make you proud. Please email me back. I love you Edward.
Sincerely,
Seth
XXX
Edward,
Hi, I'm just adding my message to Seth's if that's okay. Like he said, we're going to Dad's today, but I have our password and all that stuff so we can use his computer and check our email while we're at his house in case you want to write back.
I helped mom fold laundry and took out the trash without her asking me. She looked like she was going to cry when I did it, but I don't think she was upset. She hugged me after, so I think it was okay. I'm trying to do what you asked me to and help her out. Don't worry too much about her, okay?
Write us back when you have the time. If you want.
Jacob
From: Lt. Col. Edward. A. Cullen, USAF
To: Jacob and Seth McCarty
Tuesday, June 3, 2008, 05:46 local
Subject: Re: hi
Hey, guys. It was great to get your message. I hope you're having a good time at your dad's. I know we talked about what you can do to make things easier on your mom while I'm away, but remember, being the young men I know you can be when you're at your dad's helps your mom out as well.
Seth, yes, it's really that hot here. And there is a pool, but unfortunately, I haven't had time to get in it yet. I also can't hide away in the air conditioning all day, and with the sand in everything, it's rather miserable. Thank you for doing your part at home. I know your mom is so happy with you, and you're already making me so proud. Just keep doing what you're doing, bud.
Jacob, thank you. I'm so proud of you, too. Stepping up and doing what I asked and being there for your mom really takes a load off my mind. I'll try not to worry, but I can't promise I won't.
I need to get to work, so promise me you'll continue to be the awesome kids I know you are. I love you boys.
Love,
Edward
The pulse of the phone barely sounds before Bella answers with a breathless, "Hello? Edward?"
The sound of her voice soothes parts of me I didn't know were aching. I close my eyes. "Hey, baby."
"Oh, Edward." Her voice breaks, but I can hear her struggle to get herself under control.
Instead of waiting for her to break down and possibly waste the time we have to talk, I ask, "How are you? How are the boys? I got an email from them Monday night. They said they've been on their best behavior."
"Well, I haven't had any calls from Garrett," she says with a light laugh, "so, I guess they are." She pauses, and I can almost envision her swallowing before she speaks. "But we're good. I'm good. How are you?"
I exhale, pushing all thoughts of work and what I've been doing since I arrived out of my mind, and try to give her an honest but generic answer. "I'm good. Tired. Busy. But mostly tired. But tell me about you. What have you been up to?"
Reluctantly, she goes on to tell me about work and going out with Rose and Alice to catch a movie Sunday evening after the boys went to Garrett's. About an eighty-year-old customer she had yesterday who she believes was flirting with her. It's all mundane, everyday conversation, things we would have discussed at the end of our day as we cuddled in bed. While it may make our time talking feel a little bittersweet, just hearing her speak also feels like a gift.
"What do they have you doing over there?" she finally asks.
I open my mouth to reply, but pause.
"Wait," she says, "I'm sorry. I know you can't tell me anything."
"It's all right, Bella. It's a natural question to ask me. What I can tell you is that it's really fucking hot over here. I thought July in Phoenix was bad." I stop to whistle. "It's got nothing on this place."
She giggles and it's like a breath of fresh air. "I'll have to remind myself of that when summer really gets going here. Are you drinking enough water?"
"I've been drinking so much water I feel like my stomach is just sloshing around in there. I'm pretty sure I'll be part camel by the time I get home."
She breathes a soft laugh and the mood seems to shift. "I miss you," she says quietly.
"Not as much as I miss you."
"I find that hard to believe. It's been a quiet few days around here without the boys."
"They're coming home Sunday night, right?"
"Yeah. They should be home by dinner time."
"Then I'll schedule my next call for … say eight your time?"
"That's what, six in the morning for you?"
"It is, but I'll be up already."
"They're keeping you busy then?"
I think back to the reconnaissance flights I've already flown and the meetings I've already been in. "Yeah, baby, they're keeping me busy."
I glance at my watch and realize it's time to say goodbye.
"Bella, baby, I need to go. Our time is up."
"Already?"
The disappointment in her voice is enough to make me say "fuck the rules" and push for a few more minutes. But it would be a bad precedent to set this early in my deployment.
"Yeah, baby. I'm sorry."
"Fifteen minutes have never flown by so fast in all my life."
"I know. I hate it, too. But rules—"
"Rules are rules. I know. And you're too honorable to break one as simple as a time limit. As much as I hate it, it's one of the reasons I love you, Vamp."
I close my eyes and smile. "I love you, Bella."
"I love you, too, Edward. I'll talk to you Sunday night."
"Until then, my love."
Flying puts a man's body through unimaginable stress. As pilots, we're pushed to our physical limits to defy gravity and push past g-forces that make most people pass out just to accomplish our missions. I've always thought of myself as a man of strength.
But it takes every ounce of that strength to disconnect the call. And for a brief moment, I question if I'm strong enough to be away from my family for an entire year.
A/N: Those boys are going to do a lot of growing up while he's gone. And Poor Edward and Bella … I can't imagine. I can't wait to hear your thoughts on this chapter.
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Be kind.
Stay safe.
Stay well.
Lots of love
~Sunshine