Chapter 24. Decision

Several days later

It was busy at the compound. There was a training exercise involving SHIELD and SWORD recruits that had most of the Avengers taking part. Winter was excused due to the possibility of his identity being discovered. Barnes' disappearance was still a need-to-know event, and recruits didn't need to know. As far as anyone outside the facility were to know if they asked, Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes was still on duty but was taking a few days off during the exercise to look after his daughter while his wife was working. Because of the physical nature of the exercise, all medical staff were on duty, to deal with injuries suffered by the recruits. That meant long hours for the staff on those shifts, Noelle included.

Winter appreciated the time with Winnie, as her engaging nature kept him from brooding on the revelation that Barnes made to him. It had been an honest moment between the two who had shared the one body. He understood why Barnes did it, but it still put a burden on him, as now it was obvious that to restore the man to his life here on the compound, Winter would have to give it all up.

"Papa Winter?"

He looked down at Winnie as they sat on a bench overlooking the lake, which now had a thin skin of ice on it.

"Yes?"

"When can we go skating?"

He smiled at her. "Do you know how to skate?"

"No, could you teach me?"

"I have memories of your papa skating when he was a boy, but I haven't done it myself, Winnie. I'm not sure I would be a good teacher."

"Oh." She sighed. "I wish it would snow. Then we could go sledding. That's fun."

A vision of Barnes and Steve Rogers sliding down a hill in a park on garbage can lids with the handles removed, suddenly appeared in his mind and he chuckled. He could still feel the cold air brushing against his cheek as they swerved, narrowly avoiding other boys and girls who used pieces of cardboard and even some sitting on the spade part of a shovel to careen wildly down the snow-covered slope.

"It is fun," he agreed. "I will find out who knows how to skate and ask them if they would help you learn. You will need skates. Will your mother let you have a pair?"

"I think so." She looked. "Can we walk?"

He stood up, offering her his hand and they set off on the path. There were still some ducks around who hadn't yet migrated, and they laughed as the ducks tried to land on the ice, sliding along until they slowed down, then breaking through the ice when their weight became too much. Winnie began to skip and pulled away from him to run and hop, dancing to a song only she knew. Suddenly, she tripped and fell onto her knees hard, her hands splayed out to break her fall.

"Ow," she cried as Winter rushed to her side.

"Are you alright?" he asked, helping her stand.

She was quiet, then looked at her hands, at the scrapes on them. Bending over she rubbed her knee.

"No, it hurts," she pouted, her voice trembling.

He raised her pant leg, noticing that the fall had broken through the fabric of her jeans, as there was a sizeable scrape on her knee.

"Uh oh, I think we should go back," he said. "Time for some first aid."

She sat on the ground and looked at the scrape, frowning, trying not to cry.

"Okay," she said, in a little voice. "Can you carry me?"

"Of course."

Standing up, he reached down for her and picked her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist. Supporting her with one arm he began the walk back to the building, watching her carefully to make sure she handled it well. They arrived at the medical centre where everyone else was busy, as recruits were reporting their injuries because of the rough nature of the certain exercises. He saw Noelle at a station, busy taping the ankle of a young woman. She looked up and made eye contact with him, then quickly came over.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Winnie tripped and scraped her hands and knee. I can handle it, if you're busy, right Winnie?"

She nodded at her mother, who quickly gave her a kiss then went back to finishing the taping job. He sat Winnie on an open table, then went over for some antiseptic wash packets and a bowl of water. After rolling Winnie's pants leg up, he washed his hands then put on some latex gloves and opened one of the packets, which contained a small sponge that foamed up in the water. After wringing it out he gently cleaned the scraped knee.

"Mama usually puts low vera stuff on it," she said, watching him carefully, then pointed to a bottle on a cart.

He smiled when he saw it was marked as aloe vera lotion. Squirting some on his fingers he smoothed it over the scrape then looked on the cart for some bandages, finding a Disney box.

"Frozen, Winnie the Pooh, or Little Mermaid?" he asked.

"Frozen, please," she smiled.

He unwrapped the bandage and placed it on the scrape then opened the second sponge packet and cleaned her hands, rubbing the aloe vera lotion into it after. Once done, he peeled the latex gloves off.

"All done. You can get off the table now. Do you need help?"

"You're not finished." He gazed at her. "You have to kiss them better, Papa Winter." She was looking up at him with the same blue eyes as his own. "Remember? Papas have to kiss all owies."

"Well, then I have to kiss them better," he smiled, only for her, then bent his head to her knee and kissed it, repeating the process on each palm.

Across the room, Noelle watched, quickly taking her cell phone out of her pocket and snapped a photo of him kissing Winnie's knee. He didn't notice as his attention was fully on Winnie, so she put her phone away and called over to another waiting recruit. They waved at her as they left the medical centre.

"Well," he said, as they stood outside in the hallway. "What would you like to do now?"

"Can we get a ice cream?" She batted her eyelashes at him. "Please?"

He looked at the time, realizing it was almost time for lunch.

"We'll get some lunch at the cafeteria, and you can have ice cream for dessert."

"Okay."

She began skipping again; her owies forgotten. They would heal by the evening anyways. When they arrived at the main cafeteria it was a busy place, as everyone was on a break and the recruits were taking advantage of a free meal at the Avengers Compound.

"Bucky!"

Someone yelled out and Winter turned his head to see Sam gesturing to him. Picking Winnie up they threaded their way through the crowded dining area as several of the recruits greeted him with "Sergeant Barnes." He nodded at them but didn't say anything. Winnie put her face close to his ear.

"Why are they calling you Papa's name?"

He placed his mouth close to her ear. "They don't know your papa is missing. Director Fury wants it to be a secret. You call me Papa when we're around these recruits, okay?"

She nodded, then cried out when they got closer and squirmed to get out of his arms.

"Lovey! You're here!"

She ran to Thor's foster daughter who opened her arms to the little girl, scooping her up with a laugh. For a month she had been in New Asgard but came to help with the new recruits as her fighting skills were impressive. Even though she was still a child in human age she had the appearance and attitude of a teenager.

"Winnie Bear!"

Leaving the two girls together Winter joined the lineup, as even more recruits greeted him, wanting to say they met the famous Bucky Barnes. He nodded and smiled curtly at them, then placed his order for two hot dogs, two burgers, a large fries, milkshake and chocolate milk. With the number of people who were there everything was ready to be served and he made his way back to the table with his full tray.

"Is it usually this busy for this training exercise?" he asked.

"No, we don't normally do SHIELD and SWORD training together," said Sam, looking out over the mass of people. "The SHIELD exercise got pushed back because of the Cerberus issue so Mack decided to get it over with and just combine the two. It's made it a bit hectic, but we've only got two more days of it then they'll be out of our hair until next year's recruits."

While they ate, more recruits stopped by to say hello not just to Winter, but the others as well. He tried to focus on eating but the almost steady stream of those eager to say they talked with the Avengers almost became more than he could bear. Why had he never noticed this before? Had he been so content to stay in the background of Barnes' mind that he never really paid attention to this part of life as an Avenger? When one young woman stroked his right arm in a blatant attempt at flirting, Winter reacted by jumping up, knocking his chair back. Suddenly, the whole cafeteria went silent. Sam stood up with him, seeing the anxiety on his face. The woman was flustered, wondering if she had triggered something.

"I didn't mean anything," she explained, looking from Sam to Winter and back again.

Sam stepped in front of her, blocking her view of Winter. "Sergeant Barnes doesn't like to be touched by strangers," he said, firmly. "You can understand the level of trauma he still has from his time as a prisoner of HYDRA."

Winnie, who was watching the encounter carefully, got out of her chair and took Winter's hand.

"Papa, we can go," she said. "I'm finished."

"He has a kid?"

"He's married and is a father," said Sam.

"Papa, come on. Let's go home."

Winnie tugged on his hand several times until he looked down at her and smiled. Picking her up, he balanced the little girl on his hip then turned to the young recruit.

"I'm sorry, but you startled me with your unwanted touch. I'm a married man and would never entertain the thought of an illicit relationship outside of that commitment. Excuse me."

As he hurried out of the cafeteria with Winnie, he could hear the woman apologizing profusely to Sam and the others. Did this kind of thing happen to Barnes often? He searched his own memory trying to recall if this had happened to Barnes before. With a sinking feeling, the memories of those instances came to him as did his own response to them by retreating deeper into the recesses of Barnes mind. They were just as painful moments for Barnes as what he felt at this most recent moment, and he had left him to handle it alone, each and every time.

"Papa Winter, are you okay?"

Winnie's voice broke through Winter's thoughts, and he stopped, looking at her inquisitive face.

"I am better. Thank you for helping me."

"Papa doesn't like it when he's touched like that by strangers. It's not a good touch."

"It happens often?"

She shrugged. "They do it in front of Mama and me, sometimes, and he gets angry. I think it makes him 'member bad things."

"I think you're right. Are you still hungry?" She nodded. "Let's see if there is some leftover pasta in my quarters."

They stayed there, eating leftover pasta, and watching a Disney movie until Noelle texted him that she was off duty. When she arrived to pick up Winnie, she opened the door to the Barnes' quarters and told her daughter to go in. Then she turned to Winter.

"Are you alright? I heard what happened. It was mostly the recruits who were gossiping about it, but Sam alerted me to what really happened."

"I didn't even realize I had reacted that way, until Winnie touched my hand and told me we could go. She understood what was going on before I did."

Noelle nodded sympathetically. "To most people outside of this compound, Bucky is a mysterious, brooding, incredibly attractive man. When the Winter Soldier openly appeared during Project Insight, it caught the attention of many and the media being what it is played up the more sexual aspects of him. Who was this handsome man with a smoking hot body and intense attitude? To many women, and some men, that was like catnip to a cat. Even though it's been years there are some that have no sense of you or Bucky as an individual. They still see that guy in the black with a silver arm and without even thinking they reach out and touch you. You reacted exactly how you should have reacted because you did nothing wrong, nothing."

He smiled slightly as he briefly looked down at the ground. "I examined my own reactions to when it happened before. I didn't help him. I pulled away and stayed in the background. I'm sorry that I didn't do more."

"There's not much you could have done," she replied. "It's just how it is for Bucky, and he deals with it as it comes up. If you are concerned about having to deal with it again, I don't think it will be a problem during the exercise. The recruits got the message, especially the one who touched you."

"Then I will be happy to spend the day with Winnie again," said Winter. "Perhaps we can do some art projects together."

"She would like that. I'll tell Friday to allow you into our quarters since we have everything you'll need here."

He acknowledged her offer and stepped back into his place. When Peter returned soon after, nothing was said about the incident in the cafeteria. Winter made dinner for them both and they watched TV together. The remaining two days of the joint exercises passed quickly. In that time, he heard nothing more from Barnes. It seemed that the man had decided to allow him as much time as he needed to decide his own path. For that, he was grateful.

On the Saturday morning, he met with the running club, while they ran to the edge of the property line where the old quarry was. There had been fog the night before and the trees were covered in hoar frost. With the blue sky and sun shining it was beautiful, even to Winter. As the air temperature rose the frost began to thaw and fall out of the branches onto the path they were running. It added to the sense of fun as people dodged the chunks that fell, usually successfully. Those that were unsuccessful reacted with a small cry as the cold pieces landed on their heads or necks, then would laugh as they reached for it and tossed it aside. Idly, Winter wondered if there was frost in the vibranium universe.

"I think they can replicate it if it's something that makes it seem more familiar."

"Barnes?"

"Yeah, I've been checking in from time to time, without saying anything. I didn't want you to think I was pressuring you."

There was silence between them for a long moment then they both thought something at the same time. Winter deferred to Barnes to go first.

"I felt your discomfort at the touch of that woman. I should have said something then, but Steve pointed out that if you chose to stay you would have to deal with it on your own, so I stayed quiet."

"It was unexpected and startled me. Winnie knew and helped me deal with it." A vision of Winnie appeared in Winter's mind. "You miss her."

"Very much. If I never do anything else ever again, having her will be my legacy and I'll be happy with that."

"And the baby?" Winter was puzzled that Barnes didn't see the baby as his legacy.

"If I'm not there, I'm only the sperm donor. He'll be brought up by Noelle, although everyone there will be part of his life, you included."

"You shouldn't think that way," said Winter. "I am not you. You speak as if I have already decided to stay here."

There was no response from Barnes for some time. "The longer it goes without hearing from you, the more I think that you have decided to stay. Even though time goes differently here I'm aware of the time there. I can't blame you for wanting to stay."

"I haven't decided yet, truthfully," replied Winter. He decided to change the subject. "How does world building go? Peter has shown me some video games called The Sims. Are you familiar with them?"

"Yeah." Barnes sounded amused. "I thought they were silly but it's something like that. Trying to build a world for a human to live in for the rest of their life. I think Steve might have tried to access some games while they're being played to see how other people build their world. Apparently, they can access the Cloud quite easily, although I don't know how they do it. They found a sex version and I've been asked many questions about it."

"So, they're really trying to make it seem like here?"

"They are. To be honest, those who have chosen to become individuals are looking forward to living as humans do. They're experiencing something completely different than what they know, and are liking it."

Suddenly, Winter felt a chunk of ice hit him in the head and he yelped, before brushing the chunk away. A rivulet of cold water was already working its way down his back. He had been so engrossed in the mental conversation with Barnes that he hadn't paid much attention to his surroundings. The icy chunk did remind him of what he wanted to ask Barnes.

"Do you feel cold there?"

"No, it's not bad, although there are moments when the atmosphere feels cooler. The bodies of the individuals are colder, but we don't touch. They have built things out of the solid vibranium they can produce and after some time I can touch them. They feel normal. Why?"

"Just curious. Winnie called it the cold place and I suppose I envisioned a place like that world in Star Wars that was all ice and snow."

"No, it's not like that at all. They're making it look like the compound."

There was silence between them again then Winter had another thought.

"Have you spoken to Winnie yet?"

"No, I didn't want to confuse her. I wasn't sure if I should since I don't know if I am coming back."

"You won't confuse her," said Winter. "Talk to her, please. She needs to hear your voice."

"I'll consider it. Good talk."

"It was, thank you."

Nothing more was said, and once the run was over Winter returned to his quarters to shower. When he was done, he towelled off and started to get dressed when Friday interrupted him.

"Winter, your presence is requested in the operations centre. Please acknowledge."

"I'm on my way."

Certain that he was to be updated on the status of the suit development he wasn't terribly surprised when he saw Noelle and Winnie sitting in front of the console that was being used to maintain connections with the vibranium universe. A small pang of dismay touched him, but he pushed it away. He did tell Barnes to talk to his daughter. Winnie was so excited and turned to him with a big smile. Returning it as best he could, he sat near them, where he could watch their faces.

"Alright Bucky, we're all ready," said Tony, toggling on the real-time communication interface.

"Thanks. Noelle? Winnie? Are you there?"

"Papa." The little girl's voice was barely a whisper. "Is that really you?"

"Sure is, sweet pea. I wanted to hear your voice. You must have grown since I saw you because you sound older."

"I'm almost four now," she said. "When are you coming home?"

"Soon, I hope. It all depends on how soon the team there can make the suit and the transport device to come here. Have you been good for your mama?"

She nodded her head, until Noelle whispered that he couldn't see her. "Mostly. I took my tracker off and went to find faeries in the caves."

"I heard. Did you find any?"

"No, they weren't there. The caves were empty."

Winter said nothing as he watched how much Winnie's face lit up during her conversation with her father. Even Noelle was more animated and less reserved than she was with him. It was conclusive proof he really needed to know that he could never be for them what Barnes was. His love for them was acknowledged but not returned at the same level. It never would be.

"Papa Winter, do you want to say anything to Papa?"

Winnie was looking at him expectantly.

"Just that we'll get him home as soon as we can," he said, with a sad smile. "I promise."

"Thank you."

The words he just said were now branded in his brain. That was it. His decision was made, and it was final. He would stay in the vibranium universe and Barnes would return here to where he belonged. Whatever The One was making for him would have to suffice for a lifetime. When the conversation ended, he declined Noelle's offer for lunch and returned to his quarters. Taking his position in front of the window he looked outside, his insides churning with conflicting feelings and emotions that almost made him sick.

"Winter, it will be alright."

It wasn't Barnes' voice, but it was a voice he had heard before when he realized he had grown beyond what he originally was. He suddenly understood it was the voice of the emissary of The One, the one that looked like Steve according to Barnes.

"You knew it would come to this?"

"Yes, we realized it before you did. It's why we decided to explore life as individuals. The One, as a single entity, may be dying and unless we change our form, we will die with it. Barnes was resigned to staying if you chose not to come but his heart is there, with his wife and daughter. Although you love them, you know they belong with him. We want you to be with us. You can be a teacher for us and free to live as you please from all the constraints that you have now."

"You know what I was? What I did?"

He held his breath, unwilling to believe that this being would be willing to look beyond his past and instead place him in a position of trust.

"We know it all. You will be welcome here, I promise."

"Alright, I will stay with you, so Barnes can return home."

What happened next confused him at first, as a feeling of warmth seemed to wrap itself around him. Logically, he knew that it was likely a part of the brain that was being stimulated to make him feel this way but emotionally it felt like a gentle hug that surrounded him in gratitude. Strangely enough, he felt better after. When he called Noelle to ask if he could change his mind about lunch, he was pleased that she said yes.