January 1st
It's the first day of the new year. It's 1985. But I doubt much will change from 1984. It doesn't feel any different already. Mom and Dad are "asleep". They think we don't know that they got drunk last night - the same thing happens every year though. We all sit down together and watch Dick Clark. They get progressively more wasted. The ball drops. Auld Lang Syne. Then they go off to bed and, well, they definitely don't make love, that's for sure.
Why did I write that? Ew. I don't want to think about my parents doing that. It's gross.
I suppose if I had kids they wouldn't want to think about me that way either. But I don't have kids. I'm 16. Why would I want kids at 16 either? It'd ruin my chances of going off to a great college to study.
I don't know what I want to study. Something, I guess.
As long as it's not business like Rich. He's turned into such a jerk since he went off to college. I wouldn't want to turn into a jerk like that. It's like he went off to college as my awesome brother. Then he came back for Christmas and was a totally different guy. Pushy and argumentative and just generally horrible. That was like year ago now and he's only gotten worse since then.
I'm going off to college next year. So I should probably ask my parents what I should study there.
After they've slept off their hangovers, of course.
January 7th
It's been a busy week. There was a raccoon in the alley behind the convenience store. Mr Sanchez had to hire someone to get rid of it, but of course the raccoon escaped. Then it bit one of the neighbors so there was a panic that the raccoon was rabid, but it turned out it wasn't. Lucky.
I missed most of the panic because it was the first day back at school. I know that Jennifer Parker doesn't know I even exist, and that's pretty much the way I want it to stay, but all I can say is wow. She looked really good today. And she was carrying around a bag I've never seen before - a Christmas present, perhaps?
I miss Christmas. January just isn't good. It's dull. It's dark. And all there is to do is watch NBC or play board games.
Lori's got some new friends though. Not new. She made them earlier in the year. The academic year. They're always hanging out at the Lone Pine Mall. I know teenage girls are supposed to hang out at the mall, but they're ridiculous about it.
April is still seeing Shaun, even though he didn't get her anything for Christmas. She says "it's fine, his family's poor". Like, Shaun's a great guy and all. But who doesn't give presents? Even a handmade present. I'm pretty sure he's Christian too. If he isn't, I'm gonna feel really bad for writing that.
Am I even Christian? I don't know. I don't think about religion all that much. Or at all, really. So I guess not. But I don't think I'm an atheist either. Because I think there might be a god. But what if there isn't? When we die, what is there? Is there an afterlife or is that just it?
January 8th
A package came today for April. We weren't in - me, April and Lori were at school and Mom and Dad were in work. So the USPS guy left a note saying it was with Mrs Johansson. Only Mrs Johansson didn't remember getting a parcel. That's fine. She is old. So Dad offered to look, and sure as shit there was no parcel. So where did it go?
Nowhere exciting. The USPS guy delivered it to Mr Tompkins over the road instead. He'd just got the house number wrong.
January 14th
Got in trouble today at school. Had to do detention because I forgot my math homework. I fucking hate math. And I hate Mr Evans. I don't care that his kid died. I don't know the answer to Pi squared so stop asking me.
Wait, is there even an answer to Pi squared? I need to look that up in my textbook.
Goddammit. Now I want pie. Because I got detention Mom and Dad would never let me have some pie. I'll sneak out later to get some pie. I've got enough money for it anyway.
Oh yeah!
I need to pick up some groceries for Mr Cassidy. He can't do it himself because of his broken leg and all, so I'll get the pie then.
Can't let Mom and Dad know I'm saving money from doing odd jobs around the neighbourhood. They think I'm just doing it to be nice. But Hill Valley is a hell hole and I want out. And as far away from everyone as possible.
But right now, I want pie.
Shit. Detention. Right.
What was I even talking about?
January 18th
It's Friday! Made it through another school week. Barely.
Wait. Pie.
I never did get my pie. Shit. I must have forgot it when I went to get Mr Cassidy's groceries.
Now I want pie again.
Mom and Dad won't let me have pie. It's always got to be healthy food. It's like why can't they just let me eat junk food.
I can't exactly go out and buy my own food either. I'm still saving to get the hell out of Hill Valley. I've got a lot of money now. I counted all the notes earlier and I have nearly nine hundred dollars hidden around my room. Obviously not in the same places because I'm not an idiot. The second I turn 18, I'm taking my money and leaving. No way am I going to college just to turn out like Rich. I'm going to college. But I'm not going to be like Rich.
I don't want go cut contact with my family. I just think I have to. Mom and Dad are too pushy and I just want my own life. That means not having to watch Benson. I hate Benson. I do love Diff'rent Strokes and the Cosby Show and the A-Team. But nobody ever asks me what I want to watch. Like, fuck it, some days I just want to kick back and watch Mr T kick ass on The A Team. But nobody ever asks Carl what he wants.
And it's never watching Magnum PI or Benson.
Ever.
January 21st
Monday, the start of a new week. Almost three weeks into the new year. And I'm still writing 1984 on stuff. Like no, Carl, it's 1985. Reagan was just inaugurated again today. That wouldn't happen in 1984.
We didn't watch the inauguration though. We went to the movies. By that I mean April and I snuck into Beverly Hills Cop.
It's not the first R rated movie we sneaked into. But it's probably the most famous so we definitely blended into the crowd. It was fun. And the movie wasn't that bad either. I've sneaked into way worse movies. Like Johnny Dangerously. That movie sucked. Breakin' 2 Electric Boogaloo fucking sucked too. Supergirl was really bad. Like really. Cannonball Run 2 is probably the worst of them all. I walked out of that one. I actually walked out of a movie I snuck into.
The best film had to be Ghostbusters. Or Karate Kid. They were good. So were Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Terminator, and Police Academy.
I mean, Temple of Doom is not as good as the first Indiana Jones film, Raiders of the Lost Ark. But it was fun anyway. When that annoying woman wasn't screaming. She was the worst part of it. How could they go from someone awesome like Marion to that screaming woman? That film probably set women's rights back like fifty years.
But it wasn't bad. The story was entertaining. And Short Round was cool.
Wait, what was I talking about?
January 23rd
When I was at school, Rich went and recycled Boxy.
I'm so fucking pissed.
He had NO RIGHT TO RECYCLE MY BEST FRIEND AND THROW OUT MY LEGOS!
LEAVE MY SHIT ALONE!
THAT'S MY SHIT! NOT YOUR SHIT! YOU HAVE YOUR OWN SHIT! YOU PIECE OF SHIT!
January 23rd (supplemental)
I still fucking hate Rich. But I'm calmer now.
It's not like I played with my Legos for years. I just kept them in Boxy. But still, that was my shit to throw out or recycle or give to sick kids or whatever. It was not Rich's prerogative.
All the more reason to just get the hell out.
Like I could have sold those Legos too, for my Get Out Fund. Now I'm gonna sell all my childhood stuff for that fund. Because I can't trust Rich not to toss it all out.
Wouldn't be surprised if he did sell all my Legos and just kept the cash. He's just like that.
He's a Yuppie. That's what they do.
January 25th
They launched a space shuttle yesterday. I don't know what it was for. I don't think anyone does. Maybe it had something to do with aliens.
I don't think anyone's ever seen aliens here in Hill Valley. It's always down in the Deep South or really remote places. Hill Valley isn't exactly remote. We're in the middle of California, near San Francisco. There's a couple thousand people living here.
Probably more than a couple thousand. Maybe like 12,000 or something. It's a small-ish town, but we've got fast food restaurants, some schools, and a hospital so it's definitely not remote.
Maybe it is remote. Maybe the whole town's been abducted by aliens. And Ronald Reagan isn't really the president. He was just the first famous person from Earth the aliens could come up with so he's president, but we're all really experiments of the aliens and everything is just holograms.
That would make a good story.
What if it's not a story? What if it's real?
If it's real, how do we know it's real? How do we know anything is real?
What if aliens are much more advanced than we are, technologically, and evolutionarily? We think we're intelligent, but we're not. And that's why aliens come down here to probe us. Like we do to animals. Because they don't see us as any smarter than animals. I mean, sure we are animals. But if that's true, why do you never hear of people from, I don't know, Czechoslovakia, or North Yemen, or Burma being abducted by aliens and probed?
If people were abducted by aliens, why would the aliens just drop them off back at home in their bed like nothing had ever happened? And always by the end of the night?
That's weird.
If I were the one doing scientific experiments - and I have done them, I'd take way more than just a few hours to experiment on a brand new species I'd just come across.
Or maybe it's the same aliens from the same planet and they're thinking they are abducting the same person every night, but they can't tell it's not the same person because they're racist to all humans. But even so, shouldn't they know that it's not in the same geographic area?
It's easier just to say people are lying about being abducted by aliens for attention.
We just can't prove they're not.
What was the point of all this again?
Oh yeah. NASA launched a space shuttle yesterday and we don't know why. It might be to fight aliens. I don't know. It'd be real War of the Worlds level shit if it was and they were just trying to keep everything confidential and top secret because they know we'd be super racist to the aliens and antagonise them and start an interplanetary war.
But at least then we wouldn't have to worry about the Soviets.
Imagine joining the Soviets to fight aliens? That'd be trippy.
January 29th
It's Tuesday today. Not much is going on in the world. Or in my life. It's actually taken a bit of a lull.
The space shuttle landed a few days after it took off, so maybe they were fighting aliens. Who knows.
If I have to hear that damn Foreigner song again, I'm going to scream. I've heard it like eight times today alone. I get it, it's the number one song on the Billboard charts. But fucks sake it's not good. It's not even like when Prince beat The Boss to a number one. The song's bad.
It doesn't matter anyway. Foreigner. Prince. The Boss. They'll all be forgotten in a few years.
Doesn't take the annoyingness out of it now.
February 1st
It's Friday today, and the start of a brand new month. Shortest month of the year. Because New Year used to be in March or something like that and that's why the tenth month is October. I think they moved it because of Christianity or something?
If Jesus was born on December 25th, shouldn't that be New Year's Day, given the moment he was born BC turned to AD? Or is it just an estimate thing like Easter?
Speaking of Easter, Mardi Gras is on the 19th. I don't care about it all that much, I mean this is Hill Valley, not New Orleans. And we're not going to New Orleans for Mardi Gras this year. Not after last time. A disaster all of us want to forget.
Like the time in 1983 we went to Disney World and Dad got into a row with that talking robot in EPCOT Center. At least he never went to Disney Jail though. If he did, we wouldn't be going to Disneyland this October when we go and see Bruce Springsteen. Gonna be fun, I'm sure. Never seen The Boss before.
February 2nd
Today is Saturday. April and I snuck into The Falcon and the Snowman. It was shit. I don't know - all the critics are raving about it. It's supposed to be the best thing since sliced bread. But I didn't like it. I thought it was shit. I don't get it. I thought good movies were supposed to be good. Films critics love. But not this one. Like Johnny Dangerously was shit and it WAS shit. Nothing redeeming whatsoever. But The Falcon and the Snowman was shit in a different way. It was a different kind of boring. Johnny Dangerously was supposed to be a comedy but it wasn't funny in the slightest. But The Falcon and the Snowman was supposed to be suspenseful, but didn't pull that off either. They were both boring and dull, but for different reasons.
Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo just sucked. And Supergirl sucked the worst of the lot. I'd still pick The Falcon and the Snowman over Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo and Supergirl.
February 8th
I can't believe Jennifer Parker is with Needles - that guy is an unrepentant bully. He was just out there lunchtime (when Jennifer wasn't there), picking on Keaton. Like yeah, I'm so frigging glad I'm named Carl and not Humphrey, but Jesus you can't just dump a bowl of soup on a guy because you don't like his first name. Guy doesn't even go by his first name anyway, everyone calls him Keaton. Sure, he's a little weird and his sister Katie is much more
Personable, I guess. Amiable? Friendly? She loves people.
But you just don't do that.
And it's not like I wasn't relieved not to be on the receiving end of Needles' bullying. I was. The teachers won't do anything about it either, it's always just "toughen up", but you can't really toughen up from having scalding hot soup dumped all over you. That's just assault. Out in the real world, Needles could get arrested for that.
Or maybe not. He's not black.
Why do cops always go after black people and beat them up?
February 10th
It's Valentine's Day on Thursday. I'm not getting anyone anything. I'm not dating anyone. I'd like to, but I don't think I can. It's not like Mom and Dad won't allow me to date - Rich has Kim, and April has Shaun. Her new boyfriend. He's older than her though by like a year. I can't tell if that's creepy or not. Mom and Dad don't seem to mind. And Lori's had three boyfriends this year alone - Tim, Mike, and Steve - but she never kissed any of them, so it's okay. Right now, she's dating Steve.
I don't know. She might have kissed them. I don't see her all the time. She spends most of her time at the Lone Pine Mall. It's not like she can afford most of the stuff in there. We all get a ten dollar weekly allowance. Ten dollars isn't enough to get stuff from the mall every day.
Unless she's getting money from another source. Like me. Maybe she is. Maybe she's saving up to get outta here like I am.
But why would she be going to the mall if that was the case?
April didn't do that. I don't think. At least I don't remember her doing that. She'd rather curl up with a book. She's weird like that. But at least she's always up for a bit of rule breaking AND she can keep a secret. All Lori cares about is gossiping with her friends down at the mall. Like, totally!
February 14th
Happy Valentine's Day!
No, I didn't get any Valentines. But Dad did bake Valentines cupcakes for us all to take to school. But not Rich. He's away at college. I had mine in my packed lunch. When I opened my locker to get it, fucking Mike stole it and threw it in the trash, calling me "shrimpy" and saying that I didn't deserve to eat. Then he just walked away and laughed.
How the hell did he get five Valentines and I got zero? That is totally unfair. KK told me not to worry about it and gave me one of her cookies, but it's not about the cupcake, it's the principle of the thing.
Shit, maybe that WAS a Valentine. Maybe KK giving me a cookie was her way of asking me to be her Valentine. But in a sort of pitying way because she found me so pathetic.
It's not like I even cried. Like, whatever, man. It's just a cupcake.
Stupid thing to cry over.
February 19th
It's Shrove Tuesday today. Or if you're in New Orleans, it's Mardi Gras. I don't know how the rest of the world celebrates. Carnaval, right? I think so. Isn't it how the South American countries celebrate or is that just Brazil? I don't know. I've never been to Botswana before.
Wait. Botswana's in Africa.
Where am I thinking of?
I know there's another country in South America that begins with a B but I've forgotten what it is.
Would that prove to my parents that I'm not college material?
Probably not. Geography has nothing to do with mathematics after all.
Or does it? I mean, cartography has to be pretty exact, right? The distances between like… Venezuela and Burundi
No Burundi is in Africa.
I'm thinking too hard about this. It'll come to me, I know it.
Belize!
No. That's in Central America.
I'm just gonna name all the B countries. I'm gonna get it eventually
Brazil
Botswana
Burundi
Belize
Brunei
Botswana
Shit I said that one.
I'm just gonna look at my globe.
It's Bolivia. I should've known that.
February 21st
So I'm going out with KK tonight. We're going to see some touring Shakespeare play. I don't know which one. But her cousin's in it. So I guess that'll be interesting.
Despite what April says, this is NOT a date.
I'm not into KK and she's not into me. I'm pretty sure she's a lesbian.
Unless she is into me.
Christ, I hope not. That'd be really awkward since I'm absolutely not into her. She's too much of a tomboy for me. She prefers KK to her actual given name. Which is Katie.
I don't know. I'm just jumping to conclusions here and I really shouldn't do that. She probably has no ulterior motives for asking me to a Shakespeare play. Not like there's anything romantic about Hamlet.
Unless it's not Hamlet we're seeing. Could be MacBeth, but there's nothing romantic about that either. I don't think there is.
Really wishing I'd paid more attention in English class.
February 21st (supplemental)
KK asked me out.
I actually said yes.
I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe I wasn't. At least not with my head.
But I like KK. She's nice. Still an extreme tomboy. But I'm willing to see where this goes.
Oh and the play was Merchant of Venice.
February 23rd
Went to the cinema this afternoon. Saw The Breakfast Club with KK on our first date.
I could relate to all the characters.
I mean, people just see me as "perfect Carl" perfect - never does anything wrong. Can never do anything wrong. Must never get a bad grade ever or else everyone will stop caring about me - I know Mom and Dad's love is conditional. I know the teachers only like me because I get good grades. And everyone around me hates me for it. To them, I'm a tiny nerd. I don't deserve friends if I'm not willing to smoke or drink vodka or whatever.
They don't see that I sneak into movies. Or that I smoke pot. Or that I do actually drink vodka. Because they're too busy focusing on the nerd part.
I'm not a nerd!
I'm barely keeping my head above water here. I'm only trying to make my parents happy! And are they happy?
Fuck no!
They don't care! They don't see me for me - they only see what they want to see
Everyone only sees what they want to see.
But I'm more than that.
I'm more than stupid perfect nerdy Carl. I have my own hopes and dreams and wants and needs.
I want friends! I want to be able to go to school without stressing the hell out and puking in the toilet. I want to live my life. I want to be happy. I want someone to care about me. Like REALLY care.
February 28th
Last day of February. And it's not a leap year.
I don't want to live under the crushing weight of expectation anymore. I just want to pack up and get out.
KK is the only thing stopping me, really.
Okay, it's mainly April.
She's great. I'm glad I have that one sibling I get on with. Because it's just not there with Lori. And Rich is actively a prick who sets out to make everyone's lives worse.
And that sucks because before he left for college, Rich was actually pretty great. The best big brother.
I blame those Yuppie friends of his turning him into a Yuppie too.
Unless he joined the Mob or something. But we aren't an Italian-American family. We're - well, Dad's family are Welsh-American. Mom's is Polish-American. Unless there's a Welsh or a Polish Mob, Rich probably hasn't joined the Mob.
But there is a Russian Mob. And there's an Irish Mob. And the Japanese Mob. So there might well be a Welsh or a Polish Mob. What if every country just had a Mob? There's a lot of gangs here too, like the Bloods and the Crips. They aren't the Mob, but that's still organised crime, right?
So Rich might not be in the Mob. Or A Mob. But he might still be involved in organised crime.
Which is a scary thing to think about. So I just, well, I won't.
Unless the cops come here busting the door down after Rich.
That'd happen if he was involved in organised crime. Or the Mob. Or gangs.
March 2nd
It's Saturday today. Spent the day doing nothing. Well. I did chores and stuff like usual.
I want to try new things. But Mom says no. She's afraid of me hurting myself. Like the skateboard thing. But what if I wanted to cook dinner for once? I'm gonna have to learn for when I leave here. I can't follow a recipe book that says, I don't know, "dice onions", when I don't know how to dice onions because my mother won't let me because she's afraid of me chopping off a finger.
If I chop off a finger, I chop off a finger. Put it in ice - it can be reattached.
I'm not going to learn if I don't actually do stuff.
But on the plus side, I know how to do the laundry, so any girl I marry won't have to do the laundry or the dishes or whatever.
Do I want to marry a girl? Do I have to? Do I even have to have kids?
I don't want kids.
There's a 50/50 they turn out like Rich. Or what if they're the next Ted Bundy, the serial killer? Or Charles Manson, the murdering cult leader? Or John Wayne Gacy, the pedo murdering clown?
I don't want a serial killing pedo clown cult leader for a kid.
What if they're the next Zodiac Killer?
I don't want that either. I'd see shit in the news about a serial killer and not know it was my kid who would go never caught. That would be terrifying. I would rather my kid be Ted Bundy.
Or the Unabomber. I'd rather my kid not mail nail bombs to academics and airlines.
Yeah.
No kids for me.
I am NOT going to be responsible for bringing a criminal into this world.
March 4th
There was a huge earthquake in Chile yesterday. Gotta suck for them. They're under a brutal dictator and who knows how many of them died in that earthquake - they're reporting 82 with 2000 hurt. Pinochet is probably not even going to do anything about the earthquake too. He's just gonna let them die because that's what military dictators do.
I mean, I think so. That's what we're told. So I'm guessing there's truth in that.
Can't be all that fun living under a dictator. I mean, some days I do imagine what it would be like. Would it be better or worse than I think? Would I be conditioned to think it's great because of all the propaganda? How much propaganda would it be? Would it be every time I turned the TV or the radio on or would it just be in like, a short burst but really just effective shit?
It's not wrong to wonder this? Right?
I AM happy I was born in America, but it's natural to think of what life would be like in another part of the world. Isn't it?
March 6th
Lisa Parkinson is pregnant. And Tony Cooper's the dad - allegedly. It's a huge scandal because her family is ultra-Christian and she's a star cheerleader. Her parents have been in and out of Strickland's office. There's rumors she'll have to leave school. But it's too late for her to get an abortion. Plus her parents are ultra-Christians. Oh wait, I said that.
I don't get why she'd get with Tony Cooper. He's such a nerd.
But I guess he's got hidden depths.
He's not what I'd go for if I were a girl. And I'm not. Nor would I want to be, after what happened with Lisa Parkinson.
I kinda feel sorry for her. I hope she's okay. Can't be fun having people gossip about you behind your back like that.
Yeah. Okay.
March 12th
Yet another Soviet Leader's died. This one was in power a year. Cherno Chorno Chur Churnaneko whatever. I'm not Russian. It's not a good look for the Soviets though. Apparently some younger guy succeeded him. Gobarchiv or whatever. It's not like we'll get anywhere with him. We're probably gonna die in a nuclear war with the Soviets.
Actually, I don't know.
We haven't died yet and they've been saying this since the 40s. Back when Lenin was the Soviet president.
No. Sorry, that was Stalin. Not Lenin. Stalin was the World War II guy.
Or was it Lenin?
I'm not sure.
No. Lenin founded the USSR, right? It was Lenin? Didn't he get banished to the Gulags in Siberia?
Great. Now I'm not sure. I think Lenin no it was Stalin, right? Was it Stalin that founded the USSR? Oh god, have I just been mixing them up?
And Kalinin. Where does he factor into this?
Is he made up and was Kaliningrad just named after Lenin? Is Kalinin Lenin? I'm confused now.
It's best I just… step away from this. And maybe read a USA Today. Try and make sense of this.
March 14th
Michael Parkinson's been asking questions for the school paper.
Like, I have no problem with this, but like I said yesterday, I have no clue about Soviet leaders. Probably trying to get people to stop gossiping about his pregnant sister. They're gonna do it though. Especially the girls. They're so mean. Like like crabs in a bucket. Maybe that's a poor analogy here. But the point still stands. Girls are terrible. And Michael Parkinson is terrible with the girls. Probably comes from his mega-Christian upbringing.
Kristin Miller, head of the cheerleaders, has done nothing to help change the conversation away from Lisa Parkinson's pregnancy, but she has instead been stoking it. I mean I get it, right. The gossip benefits her. Less attention on Lisa and more on her. And because everyone's talking about Lisa, that attention seeker Tonya Cox is lying and saying she's pregnant now too. No way is she pregnant. She doesn't have a boyfriend. She's already split up with star quarterback Brad Murphy. Fuck that. She dumped him at Christmas. She's been looking for a new boyfriend ever since. We all know she wants Tony Wright. It's not like she's gonna get Tony Cooper, is it? Tony Phillips is dating Dana Watson and I'm pretty sure Tony Parker is queer. So all the other Tonys are unavailable.
Oh god I'm turning into my sister.
No.
Where was I?
Oh yeah. Michael Parkinson. The weirdo student journalist.
Well, it's unfair to call him a weirdo. He's probably got a lot going on what with his pregnant sister and all. He might actually be an okay guy. But I don't think so. I don't know. I can't really judge him. I don't know him. I know OF him, but I don't know him as a person.
What if he IS nice and I'm just here talking shit about him?
Shit. I should try and get to know him.
March 15th
Yeah. No. Michael Parkinson sucks.
He's so snobby, and thinks he's better than you, and probably belongs to some shitty country club or yachting club or golf club or whatever. Nah. He sucks.
In other news, I'm going on another date with KK tomorrow. We're going to see Beverly Hills Cop.
I know I saw it before and didn't like it, but that was when I snuck in with April. I haven't snuck in there with KK yet. And it's not like I'm not still spending time with April, I am. Just uh, not as much as usual. I should probably change that. Maybe we could go on Sunday to egg the suckers on the fairway or something. That'd be fun. Probably catch the Parkinsons. That'd show them and their high and mighty attitudes.
Oh shit. Can't go Sunday, it's St Patty's Day.
George Kelly's having a St Patty's Day party at his house, so I'll just take April there.
March 17th
So i'm durnk. Went to Georoge Kellys and had few drinks. Cops busted andwe got there party.
Would go AGAIN!
March 18th
My head still hurts from this morning. I regret going to George Kelly's party. Should've just egged the Parkinsons on the fairway with April.
Having to wake up this morning and go to school hungover and not let the teachers know I was hungover.
It's the worst. I don't recommend it.
March 21st
So Mrs Hall was absent today. We just kind of sat around in the English classroom until we learned lunchtime that she'd been arrested for shoplifting. This is the biggest scandal at Hill Valley High School involving a teacher since Mr Mitchell slapped that kid in P.E.
I don't think it's a rumor this time, like the time Mr Strickland was fucking Mrs Collins in the supply closet. There's actual substantiation this time.
Mrs Hall did get busted a few years back, in my first year, for stealing toilet roll and office supplies. If she stole them, she'd have no problem stealing
I don't know.
Wine? Cheese? Whatever it was she allegedly stole this time.
Wouldn't surprise me to learn she'd been stealing parcels off her neighbors' porches.
March 25th
Mom and Dad threw their annual Oscar Party today. The neighbors came and it was nice. Weird, but nice. I always love the annual Oscar Party. Gathering in the living room with finger food and neighbors with ABC on and everyone writing what movie they think will walk away with what prize.
Amadeus won the most Oscars, of course. And the main one, Best Picture.
I haven't seen that film. I didn't sneak into it with April.
I did invite KK around to meet my parents for the first time. I figured they'd take it better with all the neighbors around and so they met KK as well.
I think it went well. My parents are happy. My sisters are happy. Rich, well, he doesn't know.
Fuck Rich.
I mean, I'm sure Kim's doing that already. Not that I know what she sees in him.
KK also got to meet Shaun, April's boyfriend, and Lori's NEW boyfriend, Dennis.
Then again, this was also MY first time meeting Dennis. What the fuck happened to Steve? I had no idea she was dating someone new. Dennis just came out of the blue. Like holy shit this is Lori's fourth boyfriend this year - that I know of. If she dumped Steve so quickly, how do I know she didn't date someone between Steve and Dennis?
You know what, I bet she did. She absolutely did. There's enough time for her to have dated someone between Steve and Dennis.
No, I'm not going to ask her.
That's her business.
Plus I'm a little too scared to ask.
March 28th
Nothing interesting happened today. Life's taken a bit of a lull.
I like that.
Not everything interesting can happen all the time. Sometimes things can just be boring. And that's fine.
I'm still saving up to leave. Mowed Mr Hennessy's lawn after school today. Got 5 dollars. It's, well, it's something.
I now have over 1500 dollars. I've actually got 1502 dollars in notes. I fully intend to save more. I have to get out. Can't end up like Rich.
Won't end up like Rich.
April 1st
I didn't go to school today, for obvious reasons. I didn't want to be harassed. The worst day of the calendar year is April Fool's Day and there's no contest. It's just a day that excuses bullying. Not that the school really care about that, they always turn a blind eye. I don't know why they do that. It's so stupid. Out in the real world, if you beat on someone the way I've been beaten on, they'd get arrested. Why don't they get in trouble for it in school?
Not that I'd get beaten up on April Fool's.
Needles and his gang would dare me to do stupid things. Like last year when they dared me to eat a whole cake for lunch but it was a sponge.
Or that time they dared me to break into Strickland's office when he wasn't there, but he was there.
I know they'll probably make up for it tomorrow, but I just couldn't bring myself to go in today.
So I skipped.
Spent the day just walking around town.
At least I know my own weakness.
April 5th
Just like that, the week is over and it's Easter again.
Well, technically it's Good Friday. Easter is on Sunday.
I'm guessing we're going to just go to church as usual. Nothing particularly exciting will happen. I'll probably sneak into a movie. Probably the second Police Academy since I liked the first.
April 7th
The new Police Academy movie is shit. Like really really shit. I should have seen Desperately Seeking Susan instead. I've still seen worse films, but that is really up there with the worst.
School tomorrow. Done all my homework.
I think.
I'd rather have done that than see the new Police Academy film anyway. Would've been a lot more entertaining. And homework is not entertaining so that should say how shit Police Academy 2 was. Not a laugh to be found anywhere in the entire movie. It was painful. Dull. Dying of some incurable disease would be much more fun. Like Ebola or something. I'd rather die of Ebola than watch Police Academy 2 again.
At least I didn't waste my money on it.
If I had, I'd be over at the box office demanding it back.
At least I learned my lesson.
Next week, I'm going to watch Desperately Seeking Susan.
April 10th
Michael Parkinson has been demanding sit down interviews with the lunch ladies over the case that the meat in the burgers isn't beef, it's actually horse.
This is all just an allegation. It's not substantiated yet. Maybe it's just him looking for a story that'll make him look good to colleges. Or maybe it's real. I don't think I want to eat any of the burgers just in case.
He started his investigation on Monday. I don't know how he started it, I think it was based out of that rumor that the food wasn't proper nutritious food. It's not like he can get information that it's horse. Maybe the lunch ladies were talking about it and he overheard. Or he was hanging about suppliers and overheard, but he started alleging that something wasn't right yesterday and that the burgers were horse burgers.
Now he wants interviews with the lunch ladies.
Strickland is absolutely losing his goddamn mind about this. Because of course he is. That's really all he knows how to do.
Michael Parkinson offered to sit down and interview Strickland too, but he said "no", because of course he did. Maybe it'd look bad on him if he were interviewed by a teenager. But it's not like Michael Parkinson even asks gotcha questions. He asks regular questions that you can prepare for - I've read his interviews in the school paper.
I think one of the lunch ladies agreed to sit down with him.
You know, I just realised, how come you never see lunch guys? Men giving out lunches to kids. It's only women. Can men even do that? It's not like guys can't become teachers or anything - I mean, look at Strickland. And nurses. Yeah. Guys can be nurses. And stewardesses on planes. Stewards. So why can't they be lunch ladies? Lunch men. If they can't, wouldn't that be sexism? Job discrimination or something like that.
Maybe they can and men don't think they can.
I really have no idea.
April 12th
So the alleged horse meat burger scandal thing is big. Mayor Goldie Wilson is involved in this madness now. So I guess it must be true? There must actually be horse meat in the burgers?
That's gross.
April 14th
Went to see Desperately Seeking Susan with KK today. Then we went to McDonalds because it's not like we can afford fancy meals, right? We're both 16. I could afford a fancy meal if I used the money I have saved, but I'm still saving that.
Now up to $1556 dollars.
Anyway. While we were eating at McDonalds, KK and I kissed. For the first time.
I don't know. It's weird. Did I like it? I'm honestly not sure.
Do I like KK?
Yeah, she's great.
Do I like her in that way?
I'm …
I'm not sure.
April 20th
Yeah, it's been a week, I know. I've just been busy. With school. With my odd jobs. With… dumping KK.
I feel bad for her but worse would be stringing her along when I have no feelings. So it's best to just rip the Band Aid off now.
I don't think she took it very well.
The horse meat thing. Yeah. Some investigation concluded that it WAS actually horse meat, so the school stopped their relationship with the supplier while stuff gets ironed out. In other words, they're cutting ties with the supplier and getting a new one.
April also dumped Shaun, her boyfriend. I don't know if she's dating him, but she has been holding hands with and kissing Keaton.
I don't know why she did that. That's my ex girlfriend's brother.
That's not just me, that's creepy, right?
There was that argument we had a few weeks ago, that SHE wanted to see Desperately Seeking Susan but I took KK instead. She's been acting weird towards me all this year and I don't know why.
Well, not ALL this year.
Just while I was dating KK.
Was she jealous or something? That I was showing another girl attention and not her?
I don't know. I don't know how sisters work sometimes.
It's not like I'm TRYING to be mean deliberately. I mean I'm not Rich.
April 22nd
April is back with Shaun.
I don't know why.
But Keaton is absolutely miserable. He was just moping around the cafeteria, crying into his sandwich.
Made him look more pathetic than he usually is.
Maybe April realised his first name is Humphrey and decided she'd rather be with a Shaun than a Humphrey which sounds like she's dating an old man at fifteen. I'm not going to ask, but if I find out that she's being a bully, then I'm not going to stand for it.
I saw Jennifer Parker at the record store today. She was there without Needles. It's not often you see one of Needles' gang without Needles.
I didn't say anything to her though.
April 25th
There is an argument going on right now about Coke. They changed their formula and there's a lot of people who don't like it.
It's funny because I don't like Coke. So watching Coke lovers tear themselves apart over a change to the recipe is just ridiculous. Fucks sake, it's just a drink, Frankie says relax.
April 29th
Another space shuttle launched today - the Challenger, this time. Wonder if they're looking for aliens. The last one had a top secret mission that we have no idea why they're going there for. This one is just about doing some science experiments, but what if they're doing science experiments on aliens?
I don't know. It would just be weird right? If aliens exist, who's to say that other sci fi things don't exist? Like evil robots and time travel. Time travelling evil robots like in Terminator.
I mean, I'm sure we'd know if Terminators existed.
Unless they're all in Area 51. Even though they're not aliens
Unless they're time travelling alien robots. Like the Transformers are. Except they don't time travel. At least I don't think they do. I'll be honest, I've never watched the cartoon. I'm too old, probably. It's more of a kid thing than a teen thing. But some of the Saturday morning cartoons are getting weird now.
Muppet Babies - how is this popular? It's just the Muppets but they're all toddlers? I don't get it. I don't understand the appeal! Why can't we just watch the regular Muppets?
Snorks? I hate them. They're ugly. The word "snork" is ugly too. It sounds too close to "snort" which is what a pig does. It makes me think of pigs. Pigs! Just go away you Smurf rip offs.
There's even a cartoon about Mr T from the A-Team. It's ridiculous.
Or maybe I'm just too old and cynical at 16 to understand it.
Then again, none of that's weirder than that Happy Days cartoon where the Fonz went about time travelling with his talking dog. Or that Laverne and Shirley cartoon with the talking pig.
May 1st
It's the start of a new month. And I've got less than two weeks to get Mom something for Mother's Day. I have to do a lot of present buying this month. But I'll get presents next month. Six weeks exactly. It'll be my birthday. I want money, of course. And ideally, not to see Rich.
May 4th
Went with Lori to that Care Bears movie she was too embarrassed to see in case any of her cool friends saw her.
I don't know why she's so obsessed with keeping her popularity. She's absolutely going to slip up and they'll stop being her friend. It happened to me. It happened to April. It's going to happen to Lori, it's just a matter of time.
So there's no reason she shouldn't see the Care Bears movie if she wants to? Who cares?
Other than the fact that the movie was bad, of course. Really it's no Disney movie. Then again, their movies haven't been the best lately either. I mean they mustn't be - I can't remember them. I remember stuff like Cinderella and Snow White and Pinocchio. But that might be because they're classics as opposed to.
I don't know.
Tron?
That's not exactly a classic.
May 5th
So the President made a huge mistake today.
So he was in Germany, right, celebrating the 40th anniversary of the end of the Second World War (really just so crazy to think that my parents were born during the war as it feels so far away). He went to a German cemetery. And in that German cemetery were the graves of Nazi soldiers.
So many people told him not to go and he did it anyway.
My parents are fuming. There was a protest in the town square. There have been other protests in the town square leading up to this.
I don't know. He should've visited a concentration camp too. Balance it out a bit. Or better yet, not gone at all.
I dunno.
I don't really know all that too much about politics. I just know I'd rather move forward than move back. So maybe Republican politics isn't for me.
But again. I'd rather not think about politics.
At least not until I turn voting age.
Why bother having a political opinion, after all, if I can't vote?
May 8th
Today is VE Day. It's been 40 years since the end of World War 2. There was a special assembly at school about it. Well, it was the end of World War 2 in Europe, that's why it's VE Day. Victory in Europe Day. There's also VJ Day and that marks the end of World War 2 with Japan. Whichever is the end of World War 2. Not sure which it is exactly, even after all that shit in school.
I'll be completely honest, I didn't pay attention for most of it.
When was the treaty signed?
Then. That's when it ended.
So why do we have VE Day and VJ Day? Why can't we have one day celebrating the end of World War 2 and call it "End of World War II Day"?
Wouldn't that make more sense?
It's got something to do with the Nazis, I'm sure.
Were there Nazis in Japan?
There was the Axis powers, Germany - where there was lots of Nazis - Italy, and Japan. Were there more? There must have been. All them Allies couldn't have been fighting three countries for six years. There were a lot of Allies. There was the UK, the USA and uh Canada? Canada was an Ally, right? All the UK colonies must have been Allies, so Australia, India, New Zealand, half the Caribbean and the Pacific and Africa. Also the Soviets. I think the French too.
Like half the world against three countries? There must have been more Axis Powers.
I just can't name any more.
May 12th
It's Mother's Day.
I got Mom some flowers and a card.
Of course Rich also got Mom flowers and a card. And he got her chocolates too.
What a prick.
May 16th
It's April's birthday today! Sucks that she has to go to school today. But there's only a few days left of the week. Today and tomorrow.
Well. Today is done. So it's only really tomorrow.
While her birthday is today, we're going out on the weekend to celebrate. It's also Lori's birthday on Sunday too.
April still got cake today. A cupcake. We all get birthday cupcakes. Dad makes the best food. His omelettes are honestly to die for.
He is a professional chef though. But a chef! Not a baker.
I don't know how he makes baked goods taste so good. He cooks, not bakes. That's a different discipline, right? Cooking and baking?
Dad's always the one to cook. Like usually. Not always. That's not fair. Mom cooks sometimes. Dad is the only one who bakes. Mom's busy a lot too. But because Dad's a professional chef, he's connected with a lot of other chefs so when we go out for fancy meals, he can get friends and family discounts. It'd be cool to try more fancy food, but it's saved for special occasions only, like birthdays, holidays, and other celebrations. Graduations.
So when I graduate, I'll get a meal.
Then I'm gonna sneak out in the night and never see any of these people again.
It'll be a shame to miss April and Lori's graduation meals. But I have to get out. It's for my sanity.
Anyway, April's birthday.
It's weird that Mom and Dad named her April when her birthday's in May, right?
Shouldn't her name be May Enid Davis?
May 19th
It's Lori's birthday today!
We went out yesterday to a fancy restaurant Dad took us to to mark the occasions, but today, Lori wanted to go to the Lone Pine Mall, so that's where she went today with her birthday money. Spending in whatever stores - I don't know where she goes. I'm not familiar with the fashion of teenage girls.
I mean I am. I'm intimately familiar with the clothes, as I live with two teen girls and go to school with teen girls. But I don't know the names of the stores they shop at.
Anyway, she's 14 today. Lori turned 16 the other day. And I will be 17 next month. Rich will be 21 in November.
Fuck Rich.
He didn't even send a present or a card or come visit.
I know he'll be home for summer on my birthday, but I don't really want him here.
Mom and Dad do.
But I don't think April and Lori like Rich so much these days either.
Like when he first left for college, we talked about him a lot. Now we never do. He never comes up unless Mom or Dad mention him.
That's what happens when you're a jerk.
People either don't talk about you at all, or they talk shit about you.
I hope people don't talk shit about me.
May 23rd
I found Tiggy-Puss while I was out running an errand for Mrs Johansson. She had kittens under Mr Cassidy's porch. Tiggy-Puss, not Mrs Johansson. That'd be weird. Anyway, Tiggy-Puss had been missing for a good six, seven months. And it most definitely is Tiggy-Puss.
So now Mr and Mrs Wolfe have four other kittens to look after. And the kittens have their eyes open so they're at least eleven days old.
Is it cats that open their eyes at eleven, or is that dogs? I can't remember. Maybe it's both.
Anyway, the important thing is that Tiggy-Puss was found. And I got a hundred dollar reward. But that's not as important as knowing Tiggy-Puss is alive. At least for the Wolfes. The hundred dollars is what's important to me.
May 27th
A new week. And it's Memorial Day. The weather was decent, so Dad packed us all up a picnic and we went just outside Hill Valley city limits for a picnic. Mom, Dad, April, Lori, Rich and me. And just about everyone else in Hill Valley.
I saw the Keatons.
They saw me.
I'm not looking forward to confronting them at school. That is going to be a seriously awkward conversation.
Rich was not here. I mean he was, but it was like he wasn't. He was just too distracted with, I don't know what. Work for college I think.
At least he wasn't causing trouble.
May 30th
I hate school.
They like me there. But I hate it there. Everything is just the worst there. From the horse meat food (thanks for exposing that one, Michael Parkinson), to the bullies (looking at you Needles, Mike, Brandon, Joe, and all the people who make people feel bad about themselves), and the teachers that overload you with more work than you feel you can handle and you just kind of end up exploding on the inside, but you smile and bear it on the outside and nobody ever sees how much you're struggling, how much you hate everything and how much you just don't want to live the live you're living anymore. You just want to run away. Become a nomad. Or fake your own death. Skip the country. Become someone else.
It's hard being a teen.
Here we are. Carl's diary.
My laptop died on me, so I originally lost what I wrote.
Originally, it was just going to be Marty describing to Doc what he saw but I decided to change it so that as Marty is reading Carl's diary and learning about him, so are we..
And what can I say about Carl? I think this says it all.
Some of Carl's diary entries were taken from my own. I did have a parcel delivered to the wrong address. And a maths teacher everyone hated named Mr Evans whose kid died. There really was a top secret NASA mission with the space shuttle Discovery that launched on January 24th. It's still top secret to this day.
The "childhood best friend is a box" thing happened to me. Growing up with ADHD was hard. And it involved doing a lot of stuff that got me in trouble why? I still don't know. To punish me, my parents took away all my stuff - "stormtrooping" my room, they called it. Everything from the books to the stuffed animals I slept with at night. The worst thing you can do to a kid with ADHD, by the way, that's tantamount to mental torture - boredom is physically and mentally painful and makes me feel physically unwell. The box ordinarily held my Barbie and Bratz dolls, but when they were taken away, the box became Boxy, my best friend and only toy and it's actually just now I realise what a sad and lonely childhood I had.
The robot in Epcot Center is SMRT-1 (Smart One). He was an actual robot who would converse with guests. He was there from '82-'94.
The cupcake thing also happened to me. In school, a much older and taller guy named Mike took my snack and put it in a bin while mocking my height.
KK shares her name with one of my original character, Katie Keaton, but they aren't the same as KK is neither British or a ghost. I just needed a name in a pinch.
The first finger reattachment surgery took place in 1968 and it was a thumb. The first hand reattachment was in 1964. The first reattachment ever was a shoulder in 1962.
School journalist Michael Parkinson is named after Michael Parkinson because Michael Parkinson was (is? He's still alive!) famous for interviewing people, and it is what the character likes to do.
I learned Americans don't do anything for Easter. That's weird. We have three whole Bank Holidays and two weeks off school/three weeks of college and uni. Isn't Easter supposed to be the most important Christian holiday?
I think we all have a film where we'd rather die of Ebola than watch again.
I love 80s cartoons. They were so wild. It's clear whoever greenlit them and write for them we're all on copious amounts of coke. And what was with all the talking dogs? Why did everyone have a talking dog in 80s cartoons?
Carl and April are not gestational twins - they didn't share a womb. Instead, they're "Irish twins" - two babies born within twelve months. In their case, it's eleven. But because of their closeness in age, they have a close relationship and rub off on each other.
Tiggy-Puss is the name of a neighbour cat. One of my neighbours' cats, I should clarify.
And I decided to split it here. It's halfway through Carl's diary. Think of it as like that two part episode of a legend of Korra that we're told from the point of view of Avatar Wan. That kind of also inspired this.
It's a departure from the usual writing, but it is important as it shows Carl and how he differs from, and is similar to, Marty. It shows his relationship with his family, his classmates and his neighbours. It's invaluable information that'll help Marty as well, blending in in his new life.
I wanted it to feel like an actual diary too, because sometimes you don't feel like writing a lot. Other times it's just a massive infodump. I've definitely talked to myself in my diary as well.
Things will get back to normal next chapter, but there will be a Part 2 later on.