Eat My ShortsA series of shorts before the insane nut job episode White Christmas Blues. Trust me it is insane, even without Oscar garnishing it with his kookiness... Homer and the kids go out to buy a Christmas tree. And tell short stories. Bart is a cowboy bounty hunter, Oscar drives everyone insane referencing the Musicville gag and Oscar's Orchestra... And In another short at the Springfield Nursery Maggie crosses paths with Hoju, the baby from Labor Pains not my OC the gay Jew.
Plot
The title gag is snowing with candy cane letters and Santa Kang riding the sleigh and going "Ho Ho Ho! ?
The Bill Board gag is "Egg nog. Now available all year round. Thanks Homer...
Everyone is dressed as elves because it's Christmas. Radioactive plutonium rods are now candy canes. Lard Lard now holds a Christmas wreath.
The chalkboard gag is "I will not drive the principal's car."
"And U will not blow up the Principal's car..." said Oscar.
Bart sighed.
In place of the couch, an huge ice block is seen. Three ice carvers run in the living room and turn the ice block into an ice sculpture of the Simpson family sitting on the couch. After they leave, Grampa comes in and is shivering due to the coldness of the ice sculpture, so he turns up the thermostat and leaves, causing the ice sculpture to melt all over the floor. As in the episode Whiskey Business. However this time after the sculpture starts melting Oscar runs in in a hat and scarf with mittens and other thick winter clothes and screams "They're melting! Meltiiiiiiiing! Oh what a world! Who would have thought warm air would have destroyed their beautiful frostiness! Oh! They're going! Oh! ?
Bart rolled his eyes.
...
One Christmas evening. The Simpsons need a tree. Marge and Homer agree, although more likely Marge suggested and Homer not listening said yes, That Homer would get the tree and Marge would do the Christmas shopping.
Inside the Simpsons house, the hall way.
"Homie, can you go down with the kids to buy a Christmas tree? I have to do the Christmas shopping.." said Marge. Christmas the year before had been not much short of a failure due to the fact that Homer forgot to do the Christmas shopping. Oh my! XD!
"Do I HAVE to?" Homer moaned.
"It's Christmas tomorrow, and I don't want this family to have another 'crisis'." Marge glanced sternly at Homer.
"Marge why are you glaring a me, baby? We all know it's Bart that causes a crisis every Christmas... Homer growled as he glared at Bart.
?Since when? ? Bart asked in protest.
?Well let's see... Getting a tattoo... Burning the Christmas tree... Resurrecting Atilla the Hun... ? Homer listed past Christmas holidays Bart ruined.
"Can we come Dad? ? Lisa asked.
"Yeah, c'mon Homer!" said Bart eagerly.
?(Incoherently growling and beastly sounds) ? Hugo jabbered and growled. He was acting feral from his psychosis again. His body language decoded this growling as him asking to ride along with his siblings too.
"But I wanna watch the game! ? Homer whined.
"Homie, please? ? Marge waited for Homer's response.
"Never mind Mom. Just let the fatso watch his gam-" said Bart but..
"WHY YOU LITTLE! ? Homer strangled Bart.
Bart gasped and wheezed. "Ack! Eccccccck! ? something like that...
Hugo growled and hopped about angrily like an excited chihuahua.
?YOU WANT SOME TOO?! ? Homer screamed in raw fury as he grasped Bart's neck tightly in one hand, crushing his larynx and snatched up Hugo by his throat and throttled him.
Hugo gasped and wheezed kicking and thrashing as he grew weaker and weaker.
"HOMER! You're going to get that tree or no more television for the rest of the day! ? Marge yelled.
"D'oh! ? Homer grunted. Still holding the boys.
"Thanks Mom. ? said Lisa.
?And stop strangling the boys! ? Marge yelled.
Homer puts down Bart and Hugo. They groan rubbing their necks and gasping for air.
"Come on big boy!" said Bart being cheeky. Bart laughed at Homer.
"Watch it, boy! ? Homer snapped. Homer opened the front door and walked outside.
"Can I pick which tree we get, Dad?" Lisa asked.
"NO! Mom said "I" could pick the tree! ? Bart argued.
"She did not! ? said Lisa.
"Did so!"
?Didn't! ?
"Did!"
"DIDN'T!"
Hugo stares baffled at his siblings and their childish argument. He rolled his eyes and got out his Pigeon-Rat pet and watched it flap about in his hands trying to escape. He had sewed a pigeon and a rat together remember? If not, read my other episodes! Sheesh!
"Break it up you two! Your mother doesn't want you two arguing at Christmas! ? Homer snapped as he prides Bart and Lisa apart.
"Sure thing big daddy-o! ? Bart replied being cheeky again. Bart grinned at Homer and pulled a face at Lisa.
"BART! ? Homer yelled. He opened one of the back doors of his car.
?Wait! Wait! Wait! ? Marge called out.
?What now... ? Homer groaned.
?Hugo Victor Jeremiah Zachariah Simpson! You are not going out in minus 18 centigrade temperatures in your rags! Get inside and get dressed in more appropriate winter clothes! ?
Oscar cracked up laughing. "Jeremiah... ?
Hugo blushed. "But mooooom... ?
?Don't Moooooom me, that doesn't work young man! ? said Marge.
?Hugo no likey clothes, except his rags. ? said Hugo in a feral manner as he reluctantly went inside.
"Outtatheway Lis! It's my turn to sit on this side! ? said Bart. He mumbled the word 'Did' as he shoved Lisa out of the way.
"Stupid brother. ? Lisa put her seatbelt on.
"Homer... Think ya could move your seat forward? BECAUSE IT'S CRUSHING ME!" Bart cried.
"I've had ENOUGH of you boy! *Homer put the key in the ignition (Hot and fresh out the kitchen! No R Kelly! No! Everyone hates you now! You pedophile!) and turned it.
"Are we there yet?" Bart asked.
"NO! ? Homer glared at Bart with an expression of rage.
"Can we just go, please Dad?" said Lisa.
"Yes, Lisa. We can go now. ? Homer looked at Lisa quite calmly.
?Is that so? ? Dumbledore asked calmly. I.e. screaming in my face while pinning me up against a wall.
"Forgot something! Wait up, Homer!" Bart started to get out of the car.
"OH NO YOU DON'T! YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE, WE'RE GOING TO GET THE TREE AND THAT'S FINAL! ? Homer leaned into the back, grabbed Bart, pulled him back into the car and locked the doors.
"But I need to get m-" Bart needed something.
"Can't hear you boy! ? Homer started singing a loud and annoying tune.
"Yet another 'perfect' Christmas..." Lisa sighed.
"Tell me about it... ? Bart sighed loudly.
...
Anyway Homer's car wouldn't start. This meant Homer flooding the engine trying to force the car to start and dealing with Bart going "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? ?
?NO! WE'RE NOT THERE YET! ? Homer screamed.
And this gave Hugo time to get in as he arrived fully and appropriately dressed for winter. In shoes, thermal socks, thick clothes, hat scarf and gloves.
Homer groaned as Hugo got in. "Bart budge up so the mutant can get in... ?
Hugo frowned at Dad, annoyed at him calling him horrible names.
"Everyone ready?" Homer asked. He stopped singing.
"Yes, Dad! ? said Lisa. She looked at Bart as if to say, 'You better say yes!'
"No." said Bart.
Hugo growled in gibberish.
"OK then! Off we go! WOOHOO! ? I think that means the car got going, but the original author decided to spend the entire chapter describing thst the car wouldn't start!
"I thought you didn't want to come!" Bart stated.
"That's in the past, boy! Just like "The Ghost of Christmas Future"!" said Homer talking nonsense.
"Dad, don't you mean "Past"? ? Lisa asked.
"Past what?" Homer asked.
"The Ghos- Oh never mind! Can we go now!" Lisa asked.
"Go where?" Homer forgot where he was going...
"Urgh! To get the Christmas tree! ? Lisa yelled.
"Oh right! ? Homer laughed.
Homer tried to start the car. "Why… Won't… You… Work… ? Homer as I just stated tried to start the car. "COME ON! ? Homer banged his fist against the steering wheel.
Eventually the pink car spluttered and Homer and the kids went off to buy a Christmas tree.
They drove about town.
"Oh for the love of! This one is back online too?!" Hank yelled annoyed.
"Yes and Teddy is gonna sniff me so much this episode..." Oscar chuckled.
Hank seethed.
...
At home.
Marge wagered that Homer would drive off without Hugo. However his car wouldn't start or was being a lemon today. So Hugo once he reluctantly got dressed appropriately for winter got into the car while Homer was swearing and yelling at it to start.
?Or... remember when Homer needed you to take a breath test so he could drive to Moe's? ? Oscar suggested.
?No Homer! Please! It's dangerous to drive drunk! ? The AI system of Homer's pink car cried.
?Shut up car! ? Homer snapped.
Marge at home shrugged.
Oscar went to the kitchen and decided to prank call Moe.
?Yello? Moe's Tavern. ? said Moe.
?Yeah is there a Mr Fiddler? First name Dick? ? Oscar asked snickering.
?Hold on a sec. Dick Fiddler... Dick Fiddler? Hey everybody! Is anyone a Dick Fiddler? ? Moe asked his usual customers.
?No! ? said Barney and everyone laughed.
Moe realised it was a prank. "Oh it's you again, you little puke! If I ever get a hold of you, I'm gonna rip your fucking head off. ?
Oscar laughed hysterically as Moe put down the phone.
...
Homer and the kids arrived at the Christmas tree yard. Raphael was selling trees. "Yo, Cueball, looking for a last minute Christmas tree eh? ? Raphael asked chewing a toothpick.
?You know I do this every year Raphael... ? said Homer.
?This is a good tree Dad! ? said Lisa finding a large healthy tree.
?What kind of block head would want this tree... ? Bart sighed finding a very short withered tree with only a few branches. It was reserved for a . Charlie Brown obviously...
?Oh looks like Dad can't make up his mind. Looks like we might be here all night Bart... ? said Lisa.
?I hope not. I don't want to lose my fingers to frostbite! ? said Bart.
Hugo rasped and growled.
?Let's pass the time with three stories. ? said Lisa.
?Why do we always do three... ? said Bart.
?Because we do. I'll let you start. ? said Lisa.
?Okay. This is story set in the old west, with cowboys and rooting tooting... ? said Bart.
Wild, Wild Bart
In the old times of the Wild West with desert towns with saloons and the sheriff's office. And cowboys and Indians... One day all the rivers ran dry. Animals couldn't drink, Lewis as a cowboy couldn't operate a water pump as it was dried out. Some blue haired Natives were stuck on a dry riverbed in their canoe. Even the well was dry as Janey found out when she tried to fetch a bucket of water. Also near the blue haired Indians the fish were gasping and hopping about from being air drowned.
It had been a week since Black Bart had got his revenge on Skinner for spilling his milk. He humiliated the former town sheriff and now everyone calls him Dick Fiddler.
At the Simpsons house Oscar laughed.
?Oh yeah, I forgot Oscar's omnipotent he can hear and see everything... ? said Bart.
In his apartment sat Bart as a cowboy. He was shooting suction cup darts at a picture of Ralph in Wild West clothes.
?Dr Braneless you son of a gun... I know you're behind this... ? said Bart as a cowboy shooting suction cup darts.
Cowboy Oscar rolled his eyes as he fired a real gun at targets.
(Gun fire.)
?Oz I hate guns... ? Bart sighed.
?Ooooooh! How did you guess you clever and handsome man? ? Sherri as a saloon dancer sighed.
?No time for dressing up Martimus. ? Bart put his hat on and got ready.
?Martimus? Who's that? I'm the beautiful saloon girl Sherri! ? said Sherri.
?Martimus I can see through your disguise... ? Bart sighed.
?Oh! Dash it all Bart! You always see through my disguises! ? Martimus sighed.
?No time for dressing up Martimus. Dr Braneless has taken all the water! ?
?But people and animals will die! ? said Martin as Martimus.
?Dr Braneless was last heard off in this place called Vulture Gulch. ? said Bart pointing to such a place on a map.
?If you know everything what's the point in my character... ? said Martin as Martimus.
?You're my quartermaster. You invent my gadgets like my exploding bubblegum. ? said Bart.
?The secret ingredient is dynamite! ? said Martimus.
...
Bart and Martin rode to Vulture Gulch on horses.
?Hurry up Martimus! ? said Bart.
?My pants are chafing and I have swallowed a variety of bugs and insects! ? Martimus whined.
They arrived at Vulture Gulch. There were the usual cowboy film tropes I.e. everyone startled by a new comer. Those swinging saloon doors and chewing tooth picks instead of smoking to look badass because smoking is bad...
Oscar insisted of being a screwball by having every famous cowboy there, in Bart's story,.
Bart as a cowboy winced as he saw John Wayne, Billy the Kid as a zombie and Clint Eastwood as the Man with no name.
?You laughed at my mule... my mule don't like people laughing... ? said Clint Eastwood as the Man with no name.
Bart sighed exasperated and went to the local saloon, for a drink and information. Because it's a cowboy story. Duh!
Plot 2
Anyway I have no idea how Oscar is everywhere at once, um maybe he clones himself...
Oscar winced as he typed up this very episode.
Meanwhile in the Wild West.
Bart forcefully pushed the swinging saloon doors open as he dramatically entered a saloon. All the patrons drinking, gambling or fighting stopped to gasp and stare silently at the protagonist.
?What? I'm new here! Oooooooh! I'm the main character... right... ? said Bart walking in. The swinging saloon doors swung back violently into Martimus sending him flying!
(Martimus screams and crashes into something.)
?Get me a root beer because all the adults are played by children, Bartender Kearney and it's illegal for minors to drink alcohol... ? said Bart. And I'm looking for information on Dr Braneless... ?
Everyone glared at Bart.
?Folks round here don't like strangers asking too many questions... ? said Kearney.
For some odd reason all the drunks in the bar were hostile and violent just because the hero was asking about someone which suggests they were all in on Dr Ralph Braneless's plan and openly protecting him... They all surrounded Bart.
Bart pulled out a stripe of dynamite gum. He blew a bubble and there was an explosion. All the drunks and the bartender were covered in pink gooey gum. They grunted and groaned as they struggled and squirmed, tugging at the goo.
Cowboy Oscar wet himself aroused by his stuck fetish...
Meanwhile.
Shortly after Bart dramatically entered the saloon, Hugo as a town bumpkin wearing only old worn out shorts with patches and holes in them saw the saloon had a sign reading "No shirt, no spurs, no service. ?
"We'll just see about that! ? Hugo snapped. He marched in the saloon wearing no shoes or top. Only shorts.
Kearney threw him out. "Can't you read the sign?! No shirt, no sours, no service! ?
Hugo stormed off to get a drink Elsewhere.
Bart winced.
?Um... the story... ?
Martimus was up at the bar asking assistant bar tender Wendell for a drink. "One peppermint Julep please. ?
Bart winced at hearing Martimus order a camp sounding drink.
Oh god! It's canon!
Then Cowboy Oscar read the funny Cowboy names of the comic book writers,ie it's like the Treehouse of Horror scary credits but cowboy themed. Oscar screamed because Bill Morrison the chief editor or the executive was now Buffalo Bill Morrison.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh! Don't trap me in a big hole in the ground or make me put the lotion my skin or wear my skin! Aaaaaaagh! ? Oscar ran about screaming.
Bart winced.
?Can we get on with the story already?! ? Bart groaned.
Oh yeah, you didn't reckon on the saloon girl, played by Jessica Lovejoy on being Dr Braneless's glamorous assistant did you? Jessica knocked Bart out with a root beer bottle. He lied there with a bump on his head while she explained she was working for Dr Braneless.
Meanwhile the comic Wild, Wild Bart is named after the Will Smith Movie Wild, Wild West.
Cue Will Smith as a cowboy and a giant steampunk robot tarantula!
Martimus winced.
"That Movie is cool." said Oscar.
...
Bart woke up to find he had been captured by Dr Braneless and Jessica. They chained him to a waterwheel upside down and divulged their evil plan and left him to slowly be dunked into the reservoir of stolen water powering their new TVs with Animated cartoons!
"You're both insane!" said Bart.
Oh and the reservoir was full of piranhas for some reason.
Bart gulped as the piranhas leapt about and snapped.
"Houba! Yum!" A Marsupilami was hungry.
Meanwhile the former sheriff Skinner, Aka Dick Fiddler rode about on his old horse humiliated.
Bart used his gadgets to escape because a Pez dispenser full of acid melted the locks on his chains and he escaped with some piranhas biting him in a cartoon manner and amusingly Bart was only lightly injured and whining "Oooooowwwwww! ?
Oh and Nelson was the muscles of the gang but Bart subdued him by putting a piranha down his britches.
Meanwhile Ralph Braneless came up with stupid inventions like a vacuum cleaner that cuts your hair...
Jessica fed up with Bart accusing her of being Ralph's girlfriend tossed Dr Braneless down the stairs and tried to ride off on a horse to make a getaway. But Martimus was the horse! It was an elaborate costume!
Bart restored the correct flow of the river.
Everyone celebrated and Nelson, Ralph and Jessica were arrested and out on a prison train to Yuma where Ralph annoyed Jessica by talking and saying stupid things.
The end!
...
The Christmas tree yard.
Raphael was putting a tree threw the machine that puts it in a net.
?Hmmmm! Interesting tale Bart. Now here's a musical tale... ? said Lisa.
Musicville
In a version of Springfield where everyone is a musical instrument! The Simpsons were all brass instruments. The teachers were all cellos. The Wiggums were drums. Apu was a sitar. Mr Burns was an oboe. Sideshow Bob had tambourine hands and bells on his dreadlocks...
?And Oscar was... (sigh) a blue piano... ? Lisa narrating groaned because Oscar Tamaki decided because was Oscar from Oscar's Orchestra.
Bart face palmed.
Mr Burns was probably up to no good banning all music except classical.
Sideshow Bob was probably terrorising Bart.
Trumpet Bart being chased by Sideshow Bob.
And Milhouse was the unfortunate butt of the spit valve jokes that unfortunately looked like cum jokes...
?Matt that's really inappropriate! ? Saxophone Lisa ranted.
And Oscar wrecked the story going on and on about Oscar's Orchestra.
?Aaaaaagh! Thaddeus Vent is trying to ban all music! ? Oscar as um Oscar the piano screamed.
Trumpet Bart face palmed.
?Lis, stop him hijacking the story with flippin' Oscar's Orchestra! ? Bart whined.
"My eyebrows are floating! ? yelled Oscar as a blue piano. Yes and your teeth are piano keys!
Bart winced.
?Mwuhahahaha how diabolical master! ? said a green Vincent Price as um Vent's henchman.
Bart sweat dropped even more exasperated. "Why is there a green Vincent Price... ?
Why not?! ?
Anyway the story ran out of steam because I can't take the Musicville short seriously without going nuts about Oscar's Orchestra!
The end!
?Well that was fun, not! ? Bart snapped.
?I'm sorry Bart, had I know Oscar was in one of his moods... ? Lisa apologised.
Oscar flew around in a bubble laughing hysterically.
...
Marge was decorating the house for Christmas.
Oscar was deciding who got the third story.
?Maggie does because she always misses out... ? said Oscar. "Poor Maggie. ?
Maggie sucked her pacifier.
?She got the Muppet story... ? said Marge.
Oscar laughed hysterically. "Muppets... ?
At the Christmas tree yard Homer eventually got a tree and tied it to the roof of his car.
Oscar appearing in a bubble laughed. "Aawwwwwww! It's getting a ride home! ?
?Oscar that's not funny! The poor tree can't survive without its roots... ? Lisa got on her soapbox again...
?Anyway to make up for screwing with Lisa's story because I'm madly obsessed with Oscar's Orchestra... Here's a Christmas story about an evil alien Christmas tree. ? said Oscar.
I Faced Tahn-Enn-Bahm, the Christmas Tree from Another World
This isn't the actual story, yet. But Oscar ridiculing the sheer moronically stupidity of the idea. An evil alien Christmas tree.
?So yeah we brought home a Christmas tree and Lisa getting up to take a peak at her presents found the tree was actually an alien conqueror...' said Oscar.
Then the madness sets in.
?Unfortunately my big sister has a fixation with Christmas trees and the name William... ? Oscar winced as Big Mouth Tamaki smirked looking up at Tahn Enn Bahm.
?What... ? Tahn Enn Bahm sighed.
Bigmouth cleared her throat to sing.
?No Sis! No! ? Oscar whined.
?William the Christmas tree! The Christmas tree he is! William the Christmas tree... ? she sang.
Oscar and Lisa winced.
?His balls are red and shiny... from being in the-"
?Sis that's not really appropriate! ? Oscar whined.
?Okay little mister I want to watch Friday the 13th... what should that chorus line be then... ? Bigmouth sighed.
Oscar thought... "I know! ? He coughed and sang. "His nose is red and shiny! Just like a clown's!'
?Oz you're obsessed with clowns... ? Bigmouth sighed.
...
Bart winced.
?Uh... where is this story going Oz... ? Bart asked exasperated.
In the story Tahn Enn Bahm trapped Oscar and Lisa in giant baubles like in that obscure nineties cartoon.
Bart in the story winced as Lisa pounded on the inside of the bauble she was trapped.
Teddy was admiring his distorted reflection in one. His nose was now really, really big in his goofy distorted reflection.
Baby Oscar wet his diaper grimacing because of his fixation on big shiny noses like Screwy Squirrel's.
Homer was woken by an alien death scream.
?Stupid car alarm! ? He groaned.
?Dad that wasn't the car alarm... That was an alien death scream... ? said Bart.
?Stupid Alien Death Scream! ? Homer muttered.
Then there were more weird holiday characters like Jackobots from Crash Nebula and chocolate bunnies and Easter chicks...
Bart winced.
?And Bar Mitzvah Hoju! The gay Jew I made up. ? said Oscar.
?Right that's it! End the story Oscar! End it! ? Bart ranted.
?Fine... The end... ?
?Just in time too! We're home!' said Homer as he pulled into the drive.
...
As everyone got in.
?Oh, what a lovely tree! ? said Marge as Homer put the tree up, or tried to.
Bart looked frustrated.
?Look I know Oscar was telling silly stories again... Now how about we start the third one while we sit by the fire and get warm? ? Marge asked.
?Fine. But Maggie's better be one that Oscar can't muck up! ? Bart ranted.
?We'll see... ? Oscar glared at him.
Day Care
Maggie and Eric were dropped off at Daycare. Once again they went through the lice detector and put their stuff through X Ray so they couldn't smuggle anything dangerous.
Gerald failed the Lice detector as lice poured off of him.
(Lice chittering)
Gino Terwilliger failed the X Ray as there was a knife inside his teddy bear and when frisked he was found to have various fire arms.
Maggie and Eric painted.
Once any adults were out of earshot Maggie and Eric spoke. Like in the Rugrats where their babbling is translated.
?Hmmmmmm... seems like everyone is here today... ? said Maggie looking around with a weary gaze like her older sister often had.
The Rugrats. Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, Lil, Dil and Kimi were there getting up to their usual antics.
?Ahoy there land lubbers! We're pirates! ? said Tommy pretending in his very active imagination he was a pirate captain and his friends and brother were his crew.
?Eat my shorts Tommy! ? Chuckie yelled petulantly.
?Oz no! ? Bart yelled interrupting the story. "No cracks about my voice actor Nancy also voicing Chuckie! ?
?Fine... don't have a diaper rash... ? Oscar sighed.
Meanwhile in the story, Phil was moonlighting as a supervillain again.
?Yes it's me, the one you'd humans go on to call Emperor Griffin, the ruler of darkness! Mwuhahahaha! ? Phil laughed.
?Can someone explain why they hired Kath Soucie for Dark Cloud 2... ? Maximilian sighed.
Beats me. At least the characters in Dark Cloud 1 don't talk!
Eric winced.
Maggie tugged his shirt to get his attention.
?What? ? He asked.
They were surrounded by all their enemies at day care. Gerald in his baby gro patting a rattle. Gino with a sharp knife he some how got ahold off. Kearney's youngest son who resembled him as a baby. He was wearing a diaper. Just a diaper. There was also his gang of drummers with their drums and buckets. And the snotty button nosed kid they hired a few seasons back who snotted Eric, glued him to the floor with his snot that is.
"Holy guacamole! ? Eric yelled.
And suddenly someone new stepped forward.
A dramatic reveal...
?Hoju! ? Maggie gasped. Hoju stepped forward wearing a blue sleeper and smirking as he waved at Maggie.
?Hoju? ? Baby Eric asked.
?Yes... Dad helped deliver a baby and the mom named her baby after him. ? said Maggie. "Unfortunately he's mean... ?
"Flattery will get you no where Mags... and who's this? A troll doll? ? Hoju insulted Eric's hair.
?Hey! ? Eric yelled.
?Hey! Leave him alone! His my baby brother Eric... ? Maggie hissed. Protecting her little brother.
Plot 3
The bullies gathered round Maggie and Eric when Nemo hurried over.
?What took you so long?! We're introducing the new kid! ? said Gerald annoyed at Nemo being late.
?I was playing with the play doh... ? Nemo sighed. "So we're whaling on Maggie and Derek again? ?
?The name's Eric... ? Eric frowned.
...
In the main story Marge and the kids decorated the Christmas tree. Homer was building a gingerbread mansion with a rooftop tennis court.
"And load bearing candy canes. ? said Homer.
?What's the Foreman's name? ? Bart asked looking at the gingerbread men lying about nearby.
?Um... George... ? Homer looked at his George Foreman letter sorter. "Foreman. ?
Bart snickered. "Ha! George Foreman? Maybe he can set me up with Eric Ladle! ?
Eric Simpson winced.
?Mom I really think the baby is due his first ever hair cut. Eric's starting to resemble a troll doll. ? said Lisa.
?Do not dis the Troll doll look! ? Oscar and Tomba yelled.
Lisa winced.
Eric had wild locks of blue hair like a Troll Doll.
Meanwhile in the Wild, Wild West Skinner aka Dick Fiddler got arrested for shooting cacti.
Bart as some sort of bounty hunter went to the saloon and ordered a root beer because all the characters are kids so no alcohol is allowed. Martimus ordered a peppermint julep, which I assume is a non alcoholic Mint Julep.
Bart winced at him ordering something camp.
The future, because I have ran out of steam writing Holidays of future passed sagas. Probably should have spread them out more over the seasons...
?Bart you're always thinking exotic cocktails are camp! Every time I order a Mojito you call it a gay drink... ? said Oscar as an adult.
?It is a gay drink... ? said Bart drinking a bottle of Duff at home.
?No it's not... ? said Oscar drinking a Mojito.
Meanwhile Future-Dramais now canon apparently in fact all the futures should now be canon based on when Bart was originally born 1979 apparently.
Lisa was dating a British guy from college.
Then in another present she's President of America!
Then in another present Bart ruined her life by taking her placement at Yale because Mr Burns rewarded him with it for rescuing his diamond.
?Eh... Moochy Moochy! ? said Hawaiian shirt Bart.
Oscar screamed angrily and fled.
...
Meanwhile in the Nursery/Day Care, the mean babies, Gerald, Kearney's youngest son and his gang of bad babies, Gino, Nemo, the baby with the snotty button nose who looks like Chauncey from Luigi's Mansion who snotted Eric and Hoju were picking on Maggie and Eric.
By which I mean the Chauncey look-alike kid shrank Eric somehow and dangled him by his diaper.
Eric once he was close enough he stuffed his hands up the button nosed kid's nose, splat! Eric groaned and tugged at his gooey snot he was stuck in.
?Ugh! Oz no! Don't be gross! ? Bart groaned in disgust.
Oscar laughed hysterically.
?Kids nothing gross in your stories please... ? Marge sighed.
Oscar laughed.
Teddy, his living teddy bear creature was picking his big wet shiny black nose.
...
?Okay, looks like Oscar got bored... again... ? Bart sighed.
?Can we go back to the Oscar's Orchestra story? ? Oscar begged.
?No! First off it was based on the Musicville short! And secondly stop going on about that lame oh cartoon! ? Bart yelled.
Oscar pouted.
?Look I'll let you continue the story but no gross out humour or stupidity! Understand? ? Bart sighed exasperated.
?Yes master... ? Oscar pouted.
Back at Day Care, Maggie and Eric were being picked on by Gerald, Kearney's youngest son and his gang of bad babies, Nemo, Gino, a snot nosed baby with a button nose who looks like Chauncey from Luigi's mansion. And Hoju. (The baby Homer helped deliver.)
Hoju the baby was cold and calculating like Gino but without the obsession with killing butterflies. However he was easily distracted especially by thoughts of food.
?Mmmmmmmmmm! Rusks... Mmmmmm! A nice bottle of milk... ? He moaned and drooled.
Gerald winced.
?Hoju... ? Nemo sighed.
And then Okra Winfrey!
Okra Winfrey the sentient piece of Okra was there.
?No Oz! That's it! Start a new story! ? Bart yelled.
Anyway the next story even though they promised only three, was Dr Seuss themed.
The Fat in the Hat Comes Back
Bart is in trouble at school again and is sat in Skinner's office.
?You've done it this time Simpson! You flooded the boys toilet, released the hamster and worse of all you made Groundskeeper Willie cry! ? said Skinner.
Willie was crying. "(Sniff) 'Tis not the wee bairns fault sir! 'Tis these home made contact lenses I'm wearing! They're irritating my eyes! ?
?Willie you should really get those made professionally... ? said Skinner.
?Then give me a raise you selfish Scrooge! ? Willie snapped.
?Not possible. Now where was I? Ah yes. Bart, you leave me no choice but to call in your father! ? said Skinner.
?Oh no! ? Bart gulped.
Homer stormed in furious and glaring at Bart.
?Eep! ? Bart gulped.
?I'll deal with him Skinner. When I'm through with him, he won't be able to sit down for a week! ? said Homer angrily.
Skinner felt sorry for Bart as Homer took him home to punish him.
However...
In the car.
?Thanks for getting me out of work early boy to um... punish you. Now we can try the new Krusty Triple deluxe burger! ? said Homer pleased with Bart as they drive to Krusty Burger.
?That's a much better story Oz... ? said Bart. "Shame it's so short... ?
?Oh I'm not finished. This is where things get interesting... ? said Oscar.
Bart winced hoping Oscar's story wouldn't get stupid...
In a Dr Seuss universe.
Bart as a Cat in a hat was in trouble with Skinner who was a walrus.
"You've really done it this time boy, I ought to throw the book at you. The Gym equipment is not a toy! ?
?I thought my plan would go off without a hitch. ? said Bart as a cat in the hat.
?But you were caught by my Star Bellied Snitch! ? said Skinner as Willie was a Star Bellied Sneetch. Or snitch.
?I refuse to be in this corny childish story of rhymes unless I can recite a dirty limerick! ? said Willie. "There once was a Star Bellied Snitch, who-"
?Willie! This is a children's story! ? Skinner yelled.
?Oh like they don't know what rhymes with snitch... ? said Willie.
Bart winced.
Oscar laughed.
?Bart, I could make you write lines all day, or mop the halls till you're old and grey... but I have an even crueller punishment. I've given your father a call... ?
Homer as the Fat in the Hat arrived angry and steaming mad. He took Bart home.
?I'll deal with him Skinner. And I'll teach him a thing 1 and a thing 2! ? said Homer taking Bart home.
Skinner once again felt sorry for Bart.
?I feel bad for the boy. ?
However...
Bart and Homer were eating in a restaurant.
?Thanks for getting me out of work boy, this is a delicious feast. ? said Homer.
?No problem Homeboy, now pass me some of that roasted beast. ? said Bart.
And they say Homer's waistline grew three sizes that day.
Bart in the lounge laughed.
?Okay I see what you're doing, parallel universes! Gahahahaha! That universe was sappy until you ripped on Homeboy! Nyahahahaha! ? Bart was laughing.
?Grrrrrr! ? Homer growled.
"Anyway the next parallel universe... ? said Oscar.
Bart was in trouble but in this universe everyone was tired and lethargic.
?Bart... Bart... I'm very cross.. Oh I don't have the stamina today... I need a pick me up... or something laden with sugar... ?
?Ach! I'm pooped... send in the boy's father... ? Willie was tired.
Homer came in wearily and tired.
?Boy, come on, I'm to exhausted. You'll have to drive. ? said Homer lurching about like a zombie.
Bart had an idea.
?When you're out of juice and need a quick buzz, eat a Hostess Twinkie! ? Bart advertised Twinkies.
The sugary cream filled Twinkies perked everyone up.
?Now that's the stuff! Good going Bart! I forgot why I called you into my office! ? said Skinner.
?Oh well, let's all go to Krusty burger shall we? ? Homer suggested buzzing with energy.
The end!
?Um okay... ? said Bart eating a Twinkie.
It was soon getting late.
Kids, I made Christmas tree cookies! ? said Marge with a tray of green Christmas tree cookies. "And for Bart, bloody spear head cookies. ? Amongst the green Christmas tree cookies were grey triangular cookies with bloody red icing on them.
"Cooooool! ? said Bart taking a bloody spear head cookie. He pretended he was stabbing him self with it and making dying sounds.
"Hugo, would you like some Christmas cookies or are you fine with fish heads?" Marge offered.
Hugo grunted and took a bloody spear head cookie. If he didn't like it he could always poke people with it.
Marge and Lisa commented on the Christmas tree. And unlike last Christmas special she didn't get on her soapbox protesting against the tree just because it got cut down.
The kids ate cookies. They hear Santa's bells.
"Bart do you hear that? Could it be? ? Lisa asked him.
"Oh my god! Santa! ? Oscar yelled while eating a bloody spear head cookie.
Hugo winced.
Santa Claus arrived.
?Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas! ? said Santa. He gave everyone presents and had milk and cookies. He left politely and took some carrots with him for the reindeers.
"Yaaaaaay! Santy!" Oscar cheered in a babyish manner.
?Okay... ? said Bart wincing.
Then they all sang Christmas songs while Grampa played on the piano.
Rudolf the red nosed nosed reindeer! Had very shiny nose! And if you ever saw him, you might even say it glows!
"Like a lightbulb!" said Bart.
"Bart!" Homer yelled.
All the other reindeer, they would always call him names!
"Like Shnozzola!" said Lisa.
"Lisa!" Homer yelled.
They wouldn't let him join in their reindeer games!
"Like Strip poker!" said Bart.
"I'm warning you!" Homer scolds them over the lyrics. However Marge changes the lyrics so he feels undermined.
"Hit it Homie!"
Homer miserable grumbles the words.
Grandpa groans at him for not being in the mood while singing.
"Oh come on Homer..."
Rudolf the red nosed reindeer! Had a very shiny nose!
However Oscar was singing this... "Teddy, the snot nosed teddy bear! Has very big shiny nose!"
?Oz! ? Homer barked.
"Homer!" Marge scooped Oscar up in her arms. "Oscar no silly lyrics please..."
Hank seethed.
"Like Atilla the Hun!" Bart finishes the song and gets strangled by Homer.
Homer snarled as he throttled Bart.
Marge face palmed.
The end!