Hello everyone! I hope you're all staying as safe as you possibly can. In lieu of regular FoF updates, I'd instead try to compensate with some oneshots to try to bring some levity in both my life and yours. I have a few different ideas already, but if you have any suggestions of funny/ridiculous/cute/heartwarming situations, I'd love to hear them! But first things first, I bring you the story of Skylar Versus Twitter.
"I need to report a CRIME." With a particularly dramatic entrance, Wally careened into the lounge, successfully interrupting the peaceful atmosphere.
Kaldur didn't miss a beat, not even bothering to look up from his book before delivering a deadpan, "Isn't it your job to deal with those?"
Artemis didn't even attempt to stifle her laughter.
Apparently he didn't get the response he wanted, as Wally pouted and threw his hands up in the air. "A serious CRIME has been committed and you treat me this way?"
Emerging from the kitchen (where she'd presumably been working on her latest, M'Gann dried her hands off and was the first to take the irate redhead seriously. "Is everything okay, Wally?"
"Nothing is okay and it never will be again." He dropped bonelessly to the floor, face smooshed uncomfortably into the carpet. "My life is over."
"So, I'm guessing he's just being overdramatic?" Artemis asked. "Otherwise he'd be, you know, more panicked."
Kneeling down next to him, M'Gann placed a hand on his shoulder. "Wally, why don't you tell us what has you so… upset? Maybe we can help?"
"No one can help us now, for a great evil has been unleashed upon the world." Slowly, he lifted up his head, a solemn look in his green eyes. "Skylar has a Twitter account."
H
It had taken Artemis exactly thirty seconds to locate TalonHardTruths, which was a verified account with the profile picture set as an image of the Muppet Sam the Eagle.
Somehow she'd managed to garner several thousand followers despite the fact she'd given zero indication of her identity.
It was, in four words, a work of art.
H
TalonHardTruths
- DominosPizza Git gud
H
TalonHardTruths
Overheard an anti-global warming protestor today. I support free speech, but they thought global warming was fake for two reasons:
TalonHardTruths
1) The world is obviously flat, so the first part isn't true on principle
2) It's impossible for the disc to get warm because the moon is a solid block of ice
(●_●)
H
TalonHardTruths
- GreenArrowOfficial You shouldn't leave your front door unlocked
H
TalonHardTruths
I certainly don't regret attacking the cucco and summoning the horde. Truly an honor to be murdered by these proud fowl #LoZ #noregrets
H
TalonHardTruths
Two thousand followers special, face reveal. Look upon me and despair (attached image of Jet the Hawk from Sonic Riders)
H
TalonHardTruths
How many waffles is too many? False, there's no such thing as too many waffles.
H
TalonHardTruths
Would I punch a shark? No, they deserve love and respect.
BluDaBaDee: - TalonHardTruths what if it was biting your leg off?
TalonHardTruths: - BluDaBaDee If it's gotten that close, it's earned it.
RexiousRex: - TalonHardTruths What about dolphins?
TalonHardTruths: - RexiousRex I would uppercut a dolphin in a heartbeat. Don't me, Aquaman, I'll fistfight you too if I have to.
prettygirl23: - TalonHardTruths but their so cuuuuute!
TalonHardTruths: - prettygirl23 Not as cute as sharks.
H
TalonHardTruths
There was a scandalized mother at the Metropolis Museum of Art today screaming at an overworked tour guide. "Why are there so many naked women?! Why won't you do the decent thing and cover them up?!"
TalonHardTruths
Naturally I had to intervene.
TalonHardTruths
Me: "What's bothering you about it, miss?"
Her: "There are impressionable children! They shouldn't see this kind of… porn."
Me: "Do you have kids?"
Her: "Yes, in fact. A boy and a girl."
Me: "Are they here?"
Her: "No, I'm here on my own today."
Me: "Good, now I don't have to worry about being overheard by impressionable children when I tell you to fuck off and leave this guy alone."
TalonHardTruths
I wish you all could have heard her scandalized gasp before she stormed off. The tour guide guy gave me a high five. Made my day.
H
TalonHardTruths
- GreenArrowOfficial soon.
GreenArrowOfficial: - TalonHardTruths What does this mean?!
H
TalonHardTruths
I just learned Lex Luthor has a verified Twitter account.
Poll: Do the responsible thing and don't tweet - LexLuthor
Yes: 13%
Give Him Hell: 87%
TalonHardTruths
The people have spoken
TalonHardTruths
- LexLuthor (link to HEYEAYEAYEAYEA Ten Hour Loop)
TalonHardTruths
- LexLuthor (link to All Star by Smash Mouth)
TalonHardTruths
- LexLuthor (link to Best of Skeletor)
TalonHardTruths
- LexLuthor (link to We Are Number One)
TalonHardTruths
We did it. (Screenshot of official blocked notice from Lex Luthor)
C_Kent: - TalonHardTruths Welcome to the Blocked by Luthor Club!
LoisLane: - TalonHardTruths We have t-shirts and everything.
H
TalonHardTruths
- TheBruceWayne This is u. (Clip of Tony Stark saying "Genius, Playboy, billionaire philanthropist")
TheBruceWayne: - TalonHardTruths I'm flattered.
TalonHardTruths: - TheBruceWayne Now that I have your attention, can you fund a Firefly revival?
TheBruceWayne: - TalonHardTruths As much as I'd love to do so, some things are beyond even me.
H
"Wait, GreatGrayson… Is that?" Artemis' eyes widened. "... Oh my god."
GreatGrayson: - TalonHardTruths notice me senpai
TalonHardTruths: - GreatGrayson no.
There was a slight shuffling from further down the hall, as a slightly sleep deprived Dick Grayson made his appearance at the most fortuitous of times. "KF, why do you keep texting me about Sky being a criminal?"
"HOW DARE YOU ENABLE HER?!" Wally sped over to his best friend, physically grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him.
All Dick offered was a shrug, as if to say, 'I have no idea exactly what you're talking about, but I'll agree anyway?'
M'Gann's brow suddenly furrowed. "Wait, does that say Ryan Reynolds?" She smacked Kaldur's arm in her excitement as they both read over Artemis shoulder.
TalonHardTruths
- RyanReynolds I hope you're ashamed of yourself.
RyanReynolds: - TalonHardTruths Regularly. I have a weekly scheduled time for crying hysterically in my shower.
TalonHardTruths: - RyanReynolds good.
RyanReynolds: - TalonHardTruths Consider my curiosity thoroughly piqued. How did I gain your ire, oh truth teller?
TalonHardTruths: - RyanReynolds Two words. Green Lantern.
RyanReynolds: - TalonHardTruths You know what? That's valid.
"This is one of the best days of my life." Artemis was cackling so hard she came very close to falling onto the floor. It was only a quick grab from M'Gann that stopped her from doing so.
"Thank you for informing us of this, Wally." Kaldur said with a small smile.
The speedster had resorted to pouting, glaring every so often at Robin, who had completely detached from the situation in favor of collapsing face first onto the couch.
"Why does Wally look like someone pissed in his cereal?"
Wally's head snapped around to the newcomer, a nonplussed Skylar. "You." He hissed.
"Me." She replied without missing a beat. Heading over to the couch, she snagged the back of Dick's shirt and lifted him up with zero effort, just long enough for her to sit down so his head lay in her lap.
"Senpai noticed me." Robin's voice was muffled, but still clear enough for them to all hear. Artemis promptly choked on her spit and was sent into another bout of laughter. Skylar gave the back of his head a soft pat.
"So, what have I done to gain your wrath, gingersnap?" The Thanagarian asked.
Green eyes narrowed at her. "Why don't you tell me, Talon Hard Truths?"
"Oh, is that it? Look, I already got one lecture for purposefully antagonizing Luthor on the internet."
"Is there actually a t-shirt? For the club?" M'Gann asked.
"Yeah, it's in my closet somewhere. Lois was very happy to induct another member. It made up for the lecture from Bats."
"Okay, as much ad I'd love to interrogate you about your Twitter history right now, what the hell is wrong with Dick?" Artemis gestured to the half-asleep teen with a broad gesture.
"Three all nighters in a row." Dick grumbled, angling his face so it was less smooshed into Skylar's leg and he could be heard better. "Mr. Freeze and magic, not fun."
"Freeze managed to get his hands on an enchanted runestone that basically causes a miniature sustained blizzard." Skylar explained in further detail. "Bats had to call me and my parents in for backup incredibly early this morning. Then I put myself on Robin-sitting duty until he was coherent again after he almost accidentally drowned himself in a bowl of oatmeal. He was supposed to stay at the manor."
"You're not the boss of me."
"I thought I was your senpai?"
"... I've played myself."
She gave him another commiserating pat on the head.
With a sharp clap of her hands, Artemis spoke up. "That's that answered, so the Twitter account? How'd that even happen?"
"Uncle Hal told me to. He said something about 'unleashing me upon the world'. His only request was that I harass as many Leaguers as I could, at least the ones that have Twitter… Mostly Oliver. Speaking of which…"
Careful not to dislodge Robin from her lap, she dug her phone out of her pocket and started typing. Mere moments later, Artemis' phone dinged with a new notification.
TalonHardTruths
- GreenArrowOfficial I see you.
"That'll put him on edge for another week at least." Skylar smirked, already feeling the satisfaction of a job well done.
Well, this oneshot went into platonic sleep-deprived cuddle territory, which was completely unplanned. But whatever, it's cute. Also apologies if the formatting is weird (hence the dash instead of the standard at symbol) it didn't transfer over completely correctly so I had to make do.
I hope you enjoyed this completely non-canon venture into the Team's budding relationship with social media. Coming up with the Tweets was probably one of my favorite things I've written for Fight or Flight ever.
A lovely day in quarantine to all!