Chapter 10 Fear and Denial

Ludwig's heart raced, and he couldn't stop shaking. He didn't dare turn back around, as he could already imagine the faces his siblings were no doubt making. Trying to get his breathing rate back down to an appropriate speed, he flew into his room through the window. Barely giving himself time to think, he slammed the window shut and forced the blinds closed. His breathing rate was now in the realm of hyperventilation, and his racing heart would probably kill him if it didn't start beating at a more manageable pace.

"Oh dear God..."

Vomit rushed up to Ludwig's mouth, sour and watery. He rushed to the bathroom and vomited into the toilet. He stood over the porcelain bowl, coughing and trying not to panic too much. But with his racing heart, his shallow breaths, churning stomach, and burning throat, panic was the only real logical course of action. He vomited a second time, praying to the Good Lord in Heaven above that his nausea would finally go away. He vomited again, all while his head pounded like a kettledrum. He coughed some more, wondering when this would ever stop.

Thankfully, this round of sickness finally seemed to pass, at least enough so that he could get up and move around. He rose, frowning and whimpering as he turned to the sink. He downed some water, hoping that would get rid of the tangy aftertaste in his mouth. When he finished, his coughed and retched some more. It felt like someone had punched a hole in his stomach. The lights overhead flickered, a sight that made Ludwig freeze in place. Cringing, he tried to calm down. He tried to tell himself to stop freaking out.

That was not only impossible at this point, it was improbable.

Ludwig exited the bathroom, closing his eyes and trying out a breathing technique that had worked wonders for him in the past. He took a deep breath in, telling himself that it would all be okay. A lie, and an obvious one at that, but... oh, this was seriously starting to spiral out of control...

What's more, now that the adrenaline rush from the fight was gone, sleep deprivation once again reared its ugly head. His eyelids drooped like wilted flowers, and his eyes didn't seem to want to do their job anymore. There was a dreamlike quality to Ludwig's surroundings like nothing was real or tangible anymore. He had a feeling that if he reached out to touch an object, his hand would faze right through it.

There was no denying it now; Ludwig badly needed sleep. He stumbled toward his bed, and when he got in it, he wrapped the covers around his body. The heavy, warm comforter felt great; it was just what he needed. Now all that Ludwig needed to do was pray that he didn't have any more nightmares. He shut his eyes, preparing himself for the sleepiness to overtake him. Before that could happen though, Ludwig heard a knock on his door. He slowly got up, the comforter still wrapped around him. He saw Iggy on the other side, wearing a panicked face that could rival Ludwig's own emotions.

"Oh, my God" Iggy came in, pushing past his older brother. He started pacing around the room, back and forth, back and forth. "Oh my God, oh my God." He muttered that phrase on repeat, but it didn't seem to hold any form of comfort for him. In fact, the longer he talked, the faster his pace around the room became. If he wasn't careful, he would trip on something and fall flat on his face.

Closing the door, Ludwig tried his best to not let his fear and returning nausea overtake him. "Iggy..." he hesitated, noting that what he wanted to say probably wouldn't be as well received as he hoped. "Iggy, it's okay." He paused. "It's all going to be okay."

"How in the world can it be okay?" Iggy practically screamed. He sped up even more, shaking and looking like he was right on the cusp of passing out. "I can't believe it. I can't believe it, I can't believe it..."

Ludwig cringed. Already, the sight of Iggy experiencing such a stressed state of mind was rubbing off on him. He tried the breathing technique again, hoping that he could finally reach a point of clarity. He never seemed to reach it.

And it seemed that Iggy wasn't going to reach that point either. His breathing sped up, reaching levels that caused Ludwig to worry even more. Once he got to the point of hyperventilation, he reached into his hammerspace and pulled out a paper bag. He breathed into it, causing it to expand and contract. Expand, contract, expand, contract; the rhythm was still painfully fast. Any hope Iggy had of calming down on his own was long gone.

As such, Ludwig decided to step in. He put his hand on Iggy's shoulder, patting it in a gentle, almost musical rhythm. Iggy looked at Ludwig, who forced himself to smile. Iggy blinked, and the rate at which he breathed into the bag got slower. Ludwig pulled him into a hug, holding him close in a way he hadn't done in years.

"I promise it's going to be okay, Iggy." He squeezed him extra tight. "Nothing's going to happen." He was saying these words for his sake as much as his brothers. "I promise; it's all going to be..."

Iggy shrieked, causing Ludwig to pull away. His eyes practically popped out of his skull when he saw a wall of blue fire, rising from the floor to the ceiling, in between the two of them. When it cleared, Iggy's jaw dropped. He looked at Ludwig, struggling over what to say. After a bit, he put on a brave face and took in a breath.

"This can't continue." The tone he used was so... matter-of-fact. "You... this pattern... your powers..." He breathed into the paper bag again before, much to Ludwig's surprise, his breath grew so strong that the bag burst. Scowling, Iggy crammed it back in his hammerspace and gave Ludwig the most serious look he had worn in years. "Ludwig... what happened when fighting that gang...

Ludwig gulped. "It scared you. Didn't it?"

"No shit it scared me!" Iggy took a step closer. "It was already unacceptable that you had decided to come down and fight the gang instead of going to sleep. But after seeing the fruits of that decision..." he shook. "Ludwig, your eyes... they turned red."

"I know, I know." Ludwig put his hand to his forehead, feeling a raging migraine beginning to develop. "I... I'm sorry." He hung his head. "I'm really sorry; I let myself get carried away."

"Carried away? CARRIED AWAY? Ludwig, you almost killed those guys!"

Ludwig heart rate spiked. "I... I know." He gripped his hand into a fist and bit his lip as his eyes watered. "I know what I did. I know I was being foolish, and I'm sorry."

Iggy frowned. "Ludwig... you do realize that if this escalates any further..."

"I know!" Ludwig bit his lip even harder. "I know. It's... it's going to be fine. Everything is going to be fine."

"You keep saying that!" Iggy screamed, glaring at him. "Don't you realize how bad things are getting? How will everything be okay? How will everything be..."

"I DON'T KNOW!" Blue flames erupted all around Ludwig, causing Iggy to shriek and jump back. His heart skipped a beat, and he pulled away just as the flames cleared. "I... I..." He felt like crying. How pathetic would that look; to cry after everything that has happened?

"Ludwig," Iggy said, using a reassuring tone for the first time since coming into the room. "Right now, you're too tired to act rationally." He chuckled and scratched the back of his head. "Hell, I think both of us are impaired when it comes to thinking rationally right now." He paused. "But I will tell you this; you shouldn't reach the point Obsidian got to. You can't reach the point Obsidian got to. And, if this pattern were to continue, then..."

Iggy's voice trailed off, not daring to finish the statement that spelled some much grief for so many people. Ludwig didn't need to have him finish this though. He looked down at his hands. The fate of so many people rested within these cursed hands. These hands could build a kingdom. These hands could save... and destroy. These hands could destroy so much.

And just the thought of that was enough to make Ludwig start crying again. He closed his eyes, squeezing them shut tight. He pictured the possibilities; people screaming, everyone running around as they were helpless to stop their loved ones being consumed by fire. The mental image made him scared. It scared him in a way that he hadn't been scared in years.

It also caused immeasurable guilt to overcome him.

"Ludwig." Iggy stepped forward. Despite the fear in his own eyes, he took Ludwig's hand. He slowly began leading him to the door. "C'mon."

"What... what are you doing?"

"I'm taking you to Kamek."

It was like a spear had impaled Ludwig right through the heart. He pulled away at incredible speeds, his eyes wide. Like Iggy had done less than five minutes prior, he began to hyperventilate. He put his hand to his chest, but that did nothing to help.

"Ludwig?" Iggy asked.

"I..." Ludwig held back even more tears. "I can't go to Kamek.

Iggy blinked. "Why not?"

Such a simple question, yet one packed with so many ugly emotions and thoughts. "Kamek and I…" Ludwig couldn't even finish the thought. Battling all the emotions within himself, he pushed Iggy toward the door. "I just can't." He pushed him even harder. He managed to get Iggy out the door, and as such tried to close it. Iggy wouldn't let him.

Ludwig held back a growl. "Iggy, please!" He pushed with all his physical might. "I'm not going to Kamek."

"Ludwig, he can help you. I know he can; why don't you understand that?"

The growl Ludwig had been holding back escaped from him. "Iggy...!" He pushed even harder against the door, but Iggy pushed back with equal strength. "H... how are you so strong?" he asked with a grunt.

"Ludwig, please…" Iggy put so much weight against the door that it was like trying to push a tank. "I'm thinking about your own good. You need sleep. Forget your powers acting up; you could die if the sleep deprivation increases." He grasped hold of the doorknob. "Please, Ludwig. I..." his voice began to break. "I hate the thought of anything like that happening to you."

Ludwig paused. "Iggy..." he stopped pushing against the door, as did Iggy. They just stood there, not saying a word. Ludwig put his hands to his head, thinking about everything that had happened in the past day alone. He also thought about Iggy's words. He looked at the door, hesitating over what to say or do.

"Look," he eventually said. "It's all going to be fine." He pulled the door back a little so he could fully look Iggy in the eye. "I don't need Kamek's help. I'm going to try and get some sleep on my own." Iggy opened his mouth to say something, but Ludwig interrupted before he could. "I can do this, Iggy. I know I can. It's been a huge hurdle to clear, but after everything that's happening, I know I can do it." He stepped closer. "I know I can."

"And..." Iggy hesitated. "What if you can't?"

Ludwig put on a determined face. "That's not an option." He put his hand on the doorknob. "I'll beat this Iggy. I promise."

Ludwig closed the door, and this time, Iggy allowed him. He stood on the other side, waiting for the sound of his brother's retreating footsteps. It took a little bit, but he eventually did hear it. Frowning, he put his on the door. Tears came up once again, burning tears that hurt his eyes. He let out a few sobs, thinking about everything.

You guys wouldn't be so determined to help me if you knew what the nightmares were about.

With that strong, horrendous reality in his mind, Ludwig turned to his bed. As he lay down, he prayed that the promise he made to Iggy was one he could keep.