Chapter 13 Awakening

Could Ludwig even groan at this point? Could he even move? His whole body felt like it had been turned into a twenty-ton weight. It was almost like his mental burdens had turned into physical burdens, and thus were pinning his pathetic self to the ground. He tried to move, tried to open his eyes. That last action was the hardest to attempt, as somehow, his eyelids felt even heavier than the rest of his body.

Eventually, after a generous round of struggling, Ludwig managed to get his eyes open. It took a minute for his mind to even wrap his head around what he saw. Up above, hanging right over his head, he could see a ceiling through his hazy vision. Not a sky filled with smog, just a normal ceiling. It looked like every ceiling in Bowser's Castle, now that he thought of it. This made Ludwig's heart pump; how badly had he damaged the castle as a whole? How bad... Oh dear God, was his family okay? Where were they? Did they get injured or... oh... Ludwig tried speaking, hoping to call out the names of his siblings, of his father. He... if anything had happened to them...

"Lemmy..." Wow, his voice had never sounded this hoarse before. Heck, his tongue felt like it had turned to lead, making the already monumentally difficult task of speaking a chore. But that didn't matter; he needed to know if everyone was okay. "Iggy... Wendy... Roy... w...wh... where..."

"Ludwig, stop." That voice was so distant and echoey that Ludwig wondered if he had even heard it at all. Right as he was about to go spelunking in the caverns of confusion and apprehension, a shadow passed over him. Was... was that who...

"Kamek?"

"Shh..." Kamek put his hand on Ludwig's cheek, which almost made Ludwig recoil. Kamek never laid his hands on the Koopalings. Never in Ludwig's lifetime had he touched the Koopalings's cheeks, or given them hugs for that matter. A gasp came out of Ludwig's throat, and for a split second, he legitimately wondered if he had wandered into an alternate reality.

"Listen to me," Kamek said, his voice level as he leaned closer to Ludwig's face. "I used a very strong sleeping spell. It knocked you out for a few days, and it is only now starting to wear off. You need to ease yourself into waking up. Doing it too quickly could cause some problems. Do you understand?"

Ludwig slowly but surely wrapped his head around those words, and he nodded in response to them. Kamek removed his hand from Ludwig's cheek and put it on his chest; right over his heart, as a matter of fact. "Try to match my breathing; it'll make waking up less of a hassle." Kamek started doing a deep breathing exercise, holding the air in for at least seven seconds. Ludwig copied Kamek's example, letting the oxygen fill his blood and the ease fill his being. The haze of his surroundings faded away, as did the heavy feeling in his body. After a little bit, he sat up. Kamek slowly pulled his hand away, looking at Ludwig with a furrowed brow.

"You gave everyone quite the scare."

Ludwig paused, tossing those words around in his mind. How big of an understatement was that? How badly did he impact his family with his little episode? How many people in Stonebrim had he injured? How many people walked away from the event completely traumatized?

"How long was I out?"

"About a week." Kamek pulled his wand out of his robe and fidgeted with it, refusing to make eye contact with the Koopaling.

"A week?" Ludwig pinched his brow. "God damn..."

"You needed to stay under for that long. Considering that you had more or less been running on fumes when I found you, it was the only option." He looked Ludwig in the eye. "I didn't have a choice."

Ludwig cringed. The two of them sat in silence, all while Ludwig thought about everything. The blue flames, the people in Stonebrim getting injured, his siblings looking at him like he could and would kill them. All of those memories had a hazy quality to them. This might be because of the sleep deprivation... or it could be a defense mechanism Ludwig used subconsciously so as to not have to recall the most painful parts of the event.

"Well... thank you." Ludwig paused, feeling dirty in a lot of ways. "I feel better."

"Good." Kamek drummed his fingers on the cot that Ludwig laid on. The medical ward of Bowser's Castle might as well have been a morgue. It had the same volume level, the same general atmosphere, as well as the feeling in the back of a person's mind that they shouldn't be here.

"What happened?" Kamek finally asked.

Ludwig made eye contact with him, a procedure that actually hurt. "What do you mean?"

"What happened to make you think that not getting magical help was a good idea?" Kamek didn't sound angry. Hell, he didn't even sound accusatory. He just sounded disappointed, which in all honesty made Ludwig feel like he had committed the unpardonable sin. He hung his head, trying once again to do the deep breathing exercise so that he could feel some... ANY relief from the pain and guilt.

"You know the reason."

"Oh, I do?" Kamek asked.

Ludwig nodded. "I was... having nightmares about... well, you know..."

"Ohh..." Kamek held on that word for a long time. The impact it had on Ludwig was similar to the feeling when he was being lectured to.

"And... I was... I was scared."

"Well, that much is obvious," Kamek said. "But why?"

Now Ludwig began to shake. "I... I didn't... I thought... I didn't want to talk about it..."

"But you wanted to have continuous nightmares about it for months on end?" Kamek raised an eyebrow. "Ludwig, I don't see the logic here."

Ludwig cringed. "I... I, uh..." The more he thought about it, he realized he didn't see his logic either. The way Kamek had put the problem... how silly had Ludwig been? How stupid had he been? He had been scared to talk about this with Kamek... but the alternative was SO much more awful and uncomfortable. How did Ludwig not realize that? How badly had the sleep deprivation impacted his thought process? Especially seeing how much pain and suffering going through with his stupid stupid STUPID plan had put everyone through.

"I..." Ludwig's shaking got worse. "I... I'm sorry."

Kamek sighed. "Well... if nothing else, you know not to let stuff like this happen again."

"I know, I know... but... " Ludwig shook his head, feeling like he was about to cry. "It shouldn't have escalated to the point it did."

"No," Kamek said, his voice stern. "It shouldn't have."

Ludwig rubbed his head, wishing that he was still asleep. At least, while asleep, he didn't have to worry about everything that had happened. Seriously. He had already hurt people before. He should've done everything in his power to make sure it didn't happen again. So what if talking to Kamek about the incident was uncomfortable? it was better than someone dying!

"You know, it happened a long time ago."

Ludwig almost laughed at that. Was that Kamek's attempt at making him feel better? Was Kamek's way of trying to put him in a better start of mind? Well, sorry Kamek, but any attempt at doing so was destined to fail.

"That doesn't matter." Ludwig looked down at the blanket covering him. "It doesn't matter how much time has passed. It still happened, and it's still terrible." He pulled his knees up to his chest, resting his head on them. "Nothing anyone can do will change that."

"That is true," Kamek said with a nod. "There's no denying that what you did was a horrific thing." He paused. "But is constantly wallowing in regret the best thing to do?"

Ludwig frowned, almost growling. "Perhaps not, but what's the alternative, Kamek? Forgetting about it? Pretending it never happened? Pretending that it wasn't a big deal?" He snickered, the sound as hollow as they came.

"I... I..." Holy fucking shit. Kamek didn't know how to answer that question. KAMEK, one of the wisest, most knowledgeable, most well-educated people that Ludwig had ever known... he couldn't pin down a concrete answer. He couldn't say anything against Ludwig's point. What was there even to say? Really, what was there even to say?

With these thoughts filling his being, Ludwig looked away. That was the beauty of what he did; there was no relief from it. There was no good reason for Ludwig to forget it happened. That would be wrong, disrespectful, tasteless... there was nothing he could do to make the guilt go away. Why? Because the guilt SHOULDN'T go away. It really shouldn't. Ludwig had committed a grave sin, and dismissing it would be like shooting someone in the face without a moment of hesitation. It would be like dancing on someone's grave after pissing and shitting on it.

"Look," Kamek said. He removed his glasses and polished them. "It's a complicated situation; we both know that. And you're right; you shouldn't forget about it. But you also shouldn't have to go through it alone." Kamek put his hand on top of Ludwig's (wow, he must be really touchy-feely today). "I know you already beat yourself up a lot whenever you think about it, so... I won't make that burden worse." He took a deep breath. "I don't want to make that burden worse. I know what depression can do to people. I know what self-hate and despair can do to people, and... I don't want that to happen to you. Or really, any of you."

Ludwig blinked and looked Kamek in the eye. "Kamek..." He hesitated. "You... you really do care." He sniffled. "I... I thought that..."

"That if you came to me, I would condemn you for your actions?" Kamek shook his head. "I don't know if you realized this Ludwig Vanessa, but I've never done that. Even after the act itself, I didn't go out of my way to call you scum, call you evil, or any of that. I've never done that before; why would I do that now?"

Ludwig paused. "I suppose you wouldn't..."

"I definitely wouldn't!" Kamek patted Ludwig on the shoulder. "Which I suppose goes to show how badly sleep deprivation fucked with your head."

For the first time in this whole conversation, Ludwig chuckled. "Yeah. It really did, didn't it?"

Kamek nodded before looking into Ludwig's eyes. "So, if you're worried about judgment, I promise you right here, right now that you won't get it from me." He smirked. "I mean... I don't condone what happened, but I'm also not interested in something like what happened a week ago happening again." He chuckled. "On that topic, I believe your powers should be back to normal."

Ludwig smiled, looking down at his hands while wiggling his fingers. "Yeah, I think you're right." He got off the cot. "Well... thank you, Kamek. I really appreciate your support."

"Of course." Kamek chuckled. "Now, go see your siblings. They haven't talked to you in a week."

"Sure thing." Ludwig made his way to the exit. He was about to leave when Kamek spoke up again.

"And... if it helps, I think you might want to tell them about what happened. Might relieve some burdens."

Ludwig seized up. "I'm not going to do that. Ever."

"Are you sure?" Kamek asked. "I'm not kidding; it might help you feel better."

Ludwig gritted his teeth as his fingers began to smoke. "Kamek, I don't..."

"Can you at least consider it?" Kamek asked. "Can you promise me you'll consider it?"

Ludwig stood in place, considering Kamek's words while also battling more guilt. Eventually, he sighed.

"I'll consider it."

AN: This is not the end! There is one more chapter after this, so stay tuned :)