I am trash for Kile POV. Guy was whipped from Day 1 (of the Selection) and I'm so here for it.
There is more where this came from.
I want her so bad.
She's selfish. Spoiled. A whole slough of other things that should put me off but they don't. I actually think I'd excuse much worse personality flaws if she'd just keep looking at me like that. The high-and-mighty picture of a future queen, the most beautiful and unforgiving ice sculpture a person could ever imagine.
I should hate her. Sometimes I do. But when she calls me to her room, I never say no.
It can't be healthy. I don't think I'm good for her. She's certainly not good for me. My moral compass has been way off course since she first asked me to kiss her- just for the picture, just to prove to the tabloids she wasn't completely heartless, even though I'm not even sure if that's true. One staged kiss. That's what I agreed to, and look at us now. Our kisses aren't for the cameras anymore. They're private, in the quiet of her room or a hallway when no one else is around.
That doesn't mean they mean anything, though. Not to her, at least. Make me stop thinking, Kile, she likes to tell me, when she's called me and I've gotten to her room as fast as I can. I wish she'd talk to me, let me stroke her hair and help her figure it out. But she doesn't. She just wants me to kiss her, to feel something, to forget about real life and real problems.
I shouldn't let it go on. If Eady knew it was more than just physical for me, I don't think she'd want it to go on, but that's the thing about her. She has no idea the effect she has on me, or anyone else, for that matter. I've never been so grateful for her to be so self-centered, because if she sent me away, or, god forbid, started sending her little notes to Hale or Baden or whoever it was she decided she wanted, it wouldn't just hurt. It would destroy me.
You can rest assured I'll never tell her that. I can't think of a faster way to lose her- if, we're assuming, that on some microscopic level, I have her right now. She's not the kind of person that can be "had", but whatever messed-up, morally-depraved thing we have going for us, I won't be the one to mess it up.