This one was my favorite to write so far. Honestly The Crown had so much potential for Kile and it literally just…didn't happen. #justiceforkile

I sent Neena away and yanked the curtains closed, darkening the room so I didn't even have to look at myself. Everything was wrong. My twin, my literal other half, was now on the other side of the world with no plans to return, and our mother was in the hospital, recovering from the open-heart surgery she'd just barely survived.

Ahren probably didn't even know yet. What he'd done.

A choked sob escaped my throat. As much as I'd like to, I couldn't blame this entirely on Ahren. Yes, the stress of his elopement had brought on Mom's heart aattack, but who had chased Ahren away in the first place?

Me. It was my fault.

I clutched a pillow to my chest and let the tears fall. My. Fault. It beat in my head like a drum, never letting me forget. I wished, like a child, for my mother, to tell me it was all going to be okay and she still loved me. Unfortunately, she was in a medically-induced coma and I couldn't even be sure she'd ever wake up.

They'd only let me see her for a moment after the surgery, just long enough to watch her breathe. A nurse shooed me out right away, saying she needed peace and quiet to heal. I could only argue for so long. The staff wouldn't say no to the crown princess without good reason. At least they'd let my dad stay in her room, if only because they were worried he himself might drop. I'd never seen him so wrecked before, face gray and eyes dead. I was to blame for that too.

I don't know how long I stayed there, sobbing in the darkness, but I know it would have gone on all through the night had my bedroom door not creaked open. I paused, making an effort to quell my tears, before letting pure, blind hope take over my voice. "Ahren?"

"Kile," he corrected. There was just barely enough light to see him by, and my eyes were fuzzy from all the crying anyway. "Can I come in?"

I sniffed. "You didn't even knock."

"If you were sleeping, I didn't want to wake you."

"No such luck. Come in; it's fine."

He sat down on the bed next to me as I attempted to pull myself together. It didn't work very well. My breath came out in ragged gasps, and tears continued to leak down my cheeks. This was exactly why I'd wanted to be alone in the dark, so no one else had to see the wreck I'd become.

"I brought you a snack."

Kile was, indeed, holding a plate of cheese and crackers. A kind gesture, but not a necessary one. There was no way I could eat right now, with my rolling stomach and aching heart.

That's not the kind of hungry I was.

"Kile."

When he turned to me, I kissed him, tangling my fingers in his sandy hair. Kile let out a little "mmph" of surprise that might have been unattractive on someone else, but because it was him, only encouraged me. I wanted- no, I needed- to lose myself in him. To think only about his lips, his hands, how he seemed to know instinctively exactly were I wanted them. To stop thinking entirely.

He wasn't close enough. I grabbed him by the belt loops, pulling him almost on top of me without breaking the kiss. That still wasn't enough, even though the way he seared my neck with kisses had been enough to shut me up every time before. More. I want more.

I tugged on the hem of his shirt greedily, untucking it and fumbling with the buttons. I didn't want to stop kissing him for even a second, but this stupid thing needed to come off, now.

Except, Kile took my hands in his. "Eady," he said softly. "You don't want this."

"I do too want this," I insisted, taking my hands back and undoing another button. Realistically, I wanted a lot more than this. Purple-blue bruises I'd have to cover up tomorrow, my skirt bunched up around my waist, things we'd never done before. That was what I wanted.

"Eady," he said again. He was breathing heavily, and I swear his eyes were sparkling; he had to be feeling this too. What was all this nonsense about stopping? "You're upset. We shouldn't do this now."

"Please," I whispered, not sounding like myself at all. "I just want to forget."

"And that's exactly why we can't." Hands clasping mine again, probably to make sure I didn't start ripping his clothes off like a fiend, Kile kissed me on the forehead. For some reason, that made my lip start trembling all over again. "I don't want to be something you'll regret in the morning. And I don't want to take advantage of you, either."

I couldn't believe I'd spent so many years thinking Kile Woodwork was a jackass. There was something so inherently good about him. Our entire relationship was founded on using each other physically, but here he was turning me down when I was practically begging him to defile me, just because my mother had had a heart attack earlier in the day.

For that, and a number of other confusing reasons, I burst into tears again.

Kile reacted quickly, pulling me to his chest. It had never been part of the deal, the holding each other and the murmured comforting words, but it seemed to come naturally to him and I seemed to desperately need it. My heartbeat slowed, my sense of reason returned, and I began to look at the last few minutes with guilt and shame. What had I been thinking, throwing myself at him like that? What must he think of me now?

Kile's opinion of me wasn't even my biggest problem right now. Far from it, actually. My mother, pale and lifeless in a hospital bed, everything else I'd been trying to forget.

Kile held me until the crying stopped. It didn't even feel like something I had control over, just something that had to be done until I felt shaky and empty inside. My voice came out cracked and vulnerable, things I absolutely didn't want to be. "Will you stay?"

"As long as you want me to," he promised. "Someone has to make sure you look after yourself. Will you please eat something?"

I still wasn't hungry, but I nibbled on a couple crackers because it seemed so important to him. He smiled so brightly after; I briefly forgot how terrible everything had become in the last few hours.

When Kile got up, I protested, a weak little whine I detested hearing from my mouth. "I'll be right back!" he assured me. "If I'm really sleeping here…" He said it so hesitantly. "I need to change. And I don't think any of your clothes would fit me."

"Are you sure?"

"I'll be right back," he said again, shutting the door behind him.

I sluggishly got changed myself, silk shorts and a matching top. When I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror, I winced. Tangled hair, mascara running down my cheeks- I looked like a war zone. Kile would have been well within his rights to run at first sight of me, but he'd stayed, kissing away my tears.

He was far better than I deserved.

I felt a bit better in fresh clothes with a washed face, but I was still undeniably relieved when Kile slipped back into my room. He looked nervous this time, like eh couldn't believe we were really doing this. I pulled him into bed immediately, this time with only the purest intentions. Well, okay, I was still thinking about it a little, but I knew Kile was right. I would regret it in the morning, if I went too far in my quest to forget. That wasn't how I wanted things to happen between us- not anymore.

He wrapped his arms around me instead, holding me close to his chest and kissing me on the head goodnight. I don't know if I'd ever felt safer. Snuggling wasn't part of the deal either, but I was beginning to accept we might have to make some changes to the deal as our relationship changed and grew, or even if I just wanted to survive until my mother woke up.

"She'll be fine, Eady," he said, as if he was reading my mind. "She'll get better. You need to get some rest. You have a country to run."

I yawned and tugged the blankets tighter over my shoulder. "And you'll stay tomorrow, too, right?"

"I thought it was Fox's turn tomorrow."

I kicked at him half-heartedly. "You stop that! Are you just trying to get me to say you're special? You know you're special."

He buried his nose in the back of my neck. "It's nice to hear you say it."

"Fine," I huffed, not really that annoyed. "You, Kile Woodwork, are special. I have no idea what's going on between us, but I know with one-hundred-percent certainty that none of the other boys are allowed in my bed. Happy now?"

"Thrilled. Eadlyn, please try to sleep."

It wasn't as simple as just closing my eyes and falling asleep. Kile's presence helped, but I knew I'd still have very real problems in the morning. Unfortunately, my dad chose that morning to bring me breakfast in bed- something about keeping up the spirits of the family unit- so it turned out they were very different problems than I'd imagined. I'd never heard Dad shriek like that before.