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CHAPTER 1
12-6-2183
[ PYLOS NEBULA | ILLIKAH SYSTEM | ULLIPSES | SSV NORMANDY SR1 ]
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She'd been doing it a lot lately, dreaming as a human. More so over the past few months for reasons she couldn't really guess.
Was it weird to dream as one though? To be something you weren't?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
She took in her surroundings and sighed. Looked like she was in a subway this time. And from the looks of it, the place hadn't been cleaned, nor maintained, in what had to be nearly a century.
It was horrendously filthy here. But it was everything you'd expect from such an old and pathetically ancient place. Tali gave her dirty feet a glance. The broken tiles she stood upon were slick with stuff she didn't dare try guessing.
And the smell. The smell here was bad. Probably an animal who'd been spending the better part of a week rotting in a tunnel somewhere nearby.
She started walking, her steps a soft pitter-patter crossing through mildew-ridden puddles of water, and approached a stretched row of stairs, their tiles flaked and chipped, their grout mottled and blotchy. Hand against a tarnished rail, she ascended, the soft pads of her feet plopping quietly up to the surface. The ambiance of this dead and forgotten place was uninviting. Not unnerving. Just incredibly unpleasant.
She crossed by the broken turnstile gates and pushed herself through the revolving doors that would take her outside.
This dream was not going to be getting any brighter. The street was much the same as it was inside that broken station. The road was pocked with holes and cracks wider than her. The surrounding buildings were furnished with the same treatment of time's entropic undoing.
It was safe to say it all looked plainly awful.
She peered at the dark sky and her frown deepened. Not a star in sight. City lights from some far off place that spanned across the entire horizon were doing an excellent job of putting out enough light pollution to snuff out anything not attached to a building. In the far distance, Tali could see an orbital elevator barely breaching the horizon. She must've been in a deserted place far away from any part of civilization. A ghost long abandoned.
Tali continued down this broken and crumbling street. She walked and walked, and realized the path she took was not her own. She was being guided by something unseen, footsteps on a journey predetermined, yet entirely unknown. Eventually, she chanced across a fenced yard protecting an unembellished mansion. The grass, overgrown and weed-ridden, whispered against her skin in a soft caress as she approached its neglected porch. She stepped onto the worn and peeling wood deck and knocked on the door.
Nobody answered, of course.
Hand on the patinaed knob, she gave it a twist and opened, hinges croaking while her head passed its threshold. She set one foot inside and then another. Felt the old carpet beneath her and furrowed at the decor inside.
This stuff was old. Older than this whole abandoned city. Swords of every size and shape adorned the walls. Pikes draped with elaborately intricate crests. Sets of ancient armor for a time long past.
She pressed deeper into the dwelling, lit only by the light of the moon breaching tarnished and soot-ridden windows.
The anteroom behind her, she led herself further into a hallway and stopped at the sight of her own reflection from a mirror that stretched from floor to ceiling.
A body not hers. A human. Flowing brown hair. Hazel eyes. A heavenly face to gaze at. A womanly body through and through.
She turned away. She was admiring what could never be. And there was no point in admiring what could never be.
A chilling whisper echoed from somewhere inside.
"Tali."
Her skin crawled and the woman had to curb the urge to yelp out in a frightened peep.
"Who's there?!" She yelled instead. She whirled around frantically to try and find the disembodied voice.
"Taaaaaaali..." It repeated in a long drawn out whisper.
Her lip started trembling.
She couldn't shake the frightful idea that she was being hunted by this giant, ominous, demon-like, hairy spider with laser guns mounted on its head as a substitute for antennae.
"Tali...?"
The human-Tali slumped her shoulders as if she'd just lost a week's allowance.
The voice belonged to Ashley Williams.
The dream was gone. Its meaning lost.
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Tali's eyes opened the same way they did every morning. Though she was having to do it in the company of an objectionably loathsome sound emitting from that little speaker by her door.
What amounted to a doorbell kept getting pressed. ƊƖƝƓ ƊƠƝƓ. ƊƖƝƓ ƊƠƝƓ. ƊƖƝƓ ƊƖƝƓ ƊƖƝƓ ƊƠƝƓ.
"Tali. Yo. Talieeeee."
That was thing about the Normandy. The entire crew was full of button pushers. No one liked it when they were on the receiving end of the shit-stirring, but were more than happy to be handing it out like candy to an addicted diabetic.
"Keelah, Ash, I'm awake." She croaked as she failed to stifle her yawn.
"Good! Commander said we're having a meeting in forty."
Tali had to squint at that.
"I'm...—why didn't you just text me that?" Tali demanded while she sat there in a sleepy heap, hair a rat's nest.
There was a few moments of silence and Tali just waited for a sensible excuse.
"Uh, Ash?"
...
ƊƖƝƓ ƊƠƝƓ. ƊƖƝƓ ƊƠƝƓ. ƊƖƝƓ ƊƠƝƓ, was Ash's stalwart answer.
She could hear two muffled pairs of feet shuffling away from her room while making out what had to be a certain turian giggling it up. Which was particularly odd because those two had a bit of a feud going. Maybe they conjured up a temporary truce long enough to screw with her instead.
Regardless, the quarian's face couldn't have gotten any less amused.
Trolls. All of them. The galaxy had been saved by a bunch of antagonizing trolls.
The quarian smacked her lips, slipped out from under her comforter, and brought her hair back into a semblance of control. Shuffling her feet across the floor, she threw off her sleepwear (John insisted on calling them 'pajamas') and entered her little bathroom to turn on the shower.
Reaching for her brush, she yanked the locks back where they needed to be and locked eyes with the reflection in the mirror.
No brown hair. No hazel eyes. What an odd dream. She stepped into the shower and melted under the pleasure of pelting water.
The Normandy had a cleanroom if that wasn't mentioned. Not meant for what it was being used for now, but one nonetheless. There was a deck between the hangar and crew. Eighty percent of this floor served as storage. The remaining twenty, a space for medical or biohazard quarantining.
By the grace of John's allowance, she'd been granted to use it. A modest space by anyone not quarian, but plenty palatial to her given that it came with a bed, desk, and bathroom.
This arrangement, however, came with the understanding that, should the need arise, she'd have to relinquish the place and live inside her suit until they gave her the clear to claim it back.
Not once, in their entire campaign, had it ever been used by anything but her though. So it all worked out in the end.
Portioning out hair wash ('Shampoo, Tali' she could hear John say) in a palm, she drenched her hair and massaged the soap into her scalp, and listened to the wet plops of suds dropping to the shower floor.
She glanced at the clock past the bathroom to her desk. 0638 hours, it read.
Rinsing her hair, she lathered her 'loofa' (What were these names), with 'body wash' (This one made sense) and began to scrub. She always started at the feet and worked up to the legs, back, chest, then neck.
She imagined a lot of the galaxy's inhabitants took this simple thing for granted, showering. She never took this for granted. Not ever. And she got this whole thing to herself. The only one on the ship who didn't have to share. Ha.
Face being the last thing to wash, she scrubbed delicately from forehead to chin, did a final rinse, and turned off the shower before reaching for her towel. Drying off with a little bit of haste, she grabbed her pajamas scattered on the floor and stuffed them back into a cubby.
Hair still wet and shoulder beaded with water, she pulled a wet lock behind an ear and fixed a stare on her exosuit-wearing mannequin.
She knew this was going to happen. She knew that every moment she spent out of this thing would turn her more and more into her mother. Her mom hated her suit. Hated everything about them. In a sick twist, her hatred of them had... cost her life.
It sounded so caustic and wrong to say. But there was a modicum of truth to it. She pushed that memory from her. Sent it hurling back from which it came.
She sighed and tousled her hair with her space-ship patterned towel before wrapping her head the same way Ash had taught her.
Another glance at the clock. 0645 hours.
Toothbrush in one and toothpaste in the other, she set a dollop upon the bristles and gave it a quick swish of water.
For all the paste she'd eaten in her life, she sure did have some sharp canines. It was a shame she could never use them as often as she would've liked. Steam marring the mirror, she swiped a palm across its surface to get another look at herself.
It was funny. A long while ago John had asked her what it was like eating what she ate. Aside from his remark about it looking like modeling clay and never wanting to be around the crew during mealtime, she told him to eat toothpaste for an appropriate equivalent. They didn't look all that dissimilar. At a glance, pattern recognition told her it was the same thing.
Her suggestion had been respectfully declined.
She watched herself frown. Eating food out a tube. Another thing she hated about that damn suit. She gave it another long glance. At the very least, she'd received compliments from many of the women aboard. Told her she had a body they could only dream of. Which was comical, because she wanted what they had. She wanted to be them.
It wasn't an insecurity, per se. She wasn't losing any sleep over it. They were just the closest looking to quarians. Save the feet, hands, and legs. And maybe some of the colors of their skin. And the different ears. And the chirality. Couldn't forget that part. Maybe even the alignment of the guts? She wasn't so sure.
Okay, there was a lot different. Her point, past all that frivolous pedanticism, was her wanting to not be trapped with immunodeficiency. That, she could do away with. Hell, if she had a functioning immune system, she'd be 100% hunkey-dorey with being exactly who she was.
She spat the suds and rinsed both her mouth and toothbrush.
An intrusive thought and it made her smirk. She tried to imagine the reactions she'd get waltzing about the Normandy with nothing but a pair of boots and jumpsuit.
"Tali?!" She could hear Adams say as she opened up her console, sleeves rolled up on her fatigues the same way as everyone else.
Or a "Whoa. What." from Garrus, mouth agape and visor fizzling out.
Maybe even an exasperated "Oh shit." from Ashley, eyes nearly falling out of her head.
The imagination fell flat when she tried to think of what John would say or do. Kissing her would've been the best outcome, she thought idly.
It was all silly. But to think of all the heads that would spin from that. It was an amusing thing to think about and it wasn't the first time she'd entertained it either. So caught up in that occasional fantasy, she even tried on one of the uniforms in the safety of her room just to see what it would look like. She wasn't trying to toot her horn, but she rocked them pretty well.
But say she tried. Tried to do something that stupid. To wander about without the prison she had to wear. She wouldn't make it past ten minutes until she'd feel a tickle in her throat. An hour in would have her hacking, sneezing, and blowing her nose because it'd be running like a faucet. Then breathing would be difficult. Body aches and fever would follow as she rolled into the second hour. Maybe even vomiting. Who knew.
As bad as that all sounded, she didn't doubt that she'd survive the ordeal. But she'd be spending the better part of half a month recovering from pneumonia and coughing up cottaged lung cheese.
Nasty. Gross.
It was all aimless thinking. Silly little make-believe. The quarian went for her hair dryer and figured it was time to finish this morning routine and get the day started.
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The elevator door opened and Tali stepped out. Massaging out some wet pops from her hands, she made her way to the conference table situated in the center of the crew deck.
Much to her surprise, she saw Wrex, by himself of course, heaving a groan of disdain as he sat down. His chair cried out, screaming for reprieve. The krogan damn near ate the thing with his ass. A kiddy chair for him by proportion. It was enough to get a small giggle out of her.
He eyed her with that sharp and ruthless smirk of his. The one that he had to be careful to use lest he breach the hull with that glare alone.
But she knew the dinosaur didn't mean an iota of it. Wrex was like the angry uncle she never had. He fit in that role so well.
"Love you too, Wrex." She tilted her head, all bubbly, and pat his vambrace. He huffed through his nostrils and leaned further back.
His chair gasped and whined.
Ash was next to swing by, using a toothpick for what toothpicks were made for.
"Howdy folks." Ash greeted.
Tali's eyes narrowed. "Oh, hello."
"How're you?"
"I was rudely interrupted this morning by this really annoying and sniveling voice."
The Gunnery Sergeant took a seat. "Oh, who could that be?"
She leveled a spiritless stare at her.
Garrus entered next.
"Howdy Garrus. How were them Dr. Suess eggs?" Ashley asked him.
He gave her a stare that didn't look all that impressed. "Green eggs. Green ham." Garrus said flatly. "Joke of the century."
"Show us your tongue." Ash said.
He denied her. "No."
"She dyed your food?" Tali asked with a squint, "Why'd you eat it?"
"It was that or I skip breakfast." Garrus drawled.
"Come on, show us your tongue." Ash begged.
A defeated groan, he stuck out his green tongue to show them all.
Tali shrugged. "I don't get it."
"I don't either." He breathed before looking at Ashley, "The prank was garbage. Next time, aim for flavor, not just color."
Tali blinked at him. "What a bright idea, Garrus. Tell her more about how to ruin your day."
"Hello." Liara greeted, taking a spot next to Garrus. "Did I miss anything?
"Nope. Just waiting on Shepard."
Liara gave him a bit of a berth. "...Why is your tongue so... green?"
The joke was starting to make sense.
"Oh. Spirits."
The krogan groaned. His patience for their senseless bickering lessened day by day.
Done using her pick, Ashley flicked it toward the turian.
He rose his arm out of the way from where it landed. "You petulant child."
"Hello." John greeted as he reared the corner to set down all six of the small and gilded satin cases he'd been holding.
Garrus stared at the spit-soaked toothpick by his elbow and decided on flicking the thing back toward its offender. His bare claw made contact and sent it flying straight into the woman's bun without her noticing.
"Hoped you all enjoyed breakfast."
A small chorus of 'Yeses' and one 'No' replied to John.
"Good!" He cupped his hands and purposefully ignored the unmistakable lilt of Garrus' complaint. "So. You guys are going to absolutely hate what the brass gave us. I got them a week ago but thought I'd hold them off until now. Skip the ceremony and save Joker his beard."
Liara was a little beside herself. "The council really let us skip a ceremony?"
"Yeah. It was a request I made. One they reluctantly granted. Extenuating circumstances. They're airing a fake one of us in two days with CGI."
"That's hilarious." Ash said.
While it was true that he'd received the medals from command, he was bending the part about having to convince the council to forego a ceremony. Still reeling in the aftermath of what many were dubbing a geth insurgency, the Citadel was focused purely on recovery and reconstruction. They were all eager to shelve this catastrophe and turn it into nothing but a distant memory.
He didn't mind. And he knew his team wouldn't either. They didn't have a selfish bone in their body. They weren't here to be heroes. They were all here because it was the right thing to do. Regardless, he was still going to give them a speech. They deserved that much.
He spread the small boxes evenly apart. "Stand at attention." He ordered.
The team rose from their seats. The last to rise was Wrex, who leveraged his massive frame up and sent his poor chair tumbling backward with an awkward thud.
The six of them stared blankly and the krogan shrugged. "Whoops."
John took a moment, fixing his eyes across each of their faces, and began what he had so long practiced.
"To stand here, with each of you being recognized in such a manner, is a testament not just to individual valor but to unparalleled unity. This recognition is a beacon of exceptional distinction. Its bestowal upon us in such number is a chapter seldom written in the annals of the Citadel's storied legacy. Indeed, only once before in Citadel history has this honor been bestowed so broadly, a reflection of moments when the very fabric of our galaxy was held together by the bravery of a few. Today, we join that rare lineage, not just as defenders of a cause, but as architects of peace across the stars."
He approached Ashley.
"Gunnery Sergeant Ashley Williams, you are awarded the Citadel Coalition's Star of Valor. For your conspicuous gallantry and unwavering courage, risking your life far beyond the call of duty in direct confrontation with Saren and the geth, foes of both the Citadel Council and Systems Alliance." He gently draped the ceremonial ribbon over her neck, its pendant a symbol of unity that showcased the Citadel's insignia cradled within the embrace of a five-pointed celestial star. As he stepped back, he carefully plucked from her hair an entangled toothpick before dropping it into her palm. She accepted and stammered.
"Oh. God."
"Mm." John mumbled before exchanging salutes and moving to the next recipient.
"Suspended Captain Garrus Vakarian."
"Haven't heard that rank in a long time." The turian murmured.
"Christ, why is your tongue so green."
Garrus stewed. Oh, this prank made so much sense now.
Shepard repeated the speech with slight alterations, stepping down the line until Tali was the only one left.
"Tali'Zorah nar Rayya." A warm and welcoming smile sat on his face.
"I bestow upon you the proudest decoration the Citadel Coalition can ever give." He let the words hang for a moment, "You have distinguished yourself through evident bravery and daring at the certain risk of your life above and beyond the call of duty while engaging in action against the Geth and Saren; an enemy of the Citadel Coalition and System's Alliance. You have accomplished so much." His hands brushed slightly along each cheek plate as he placed the medal over her head.
"I am so proud of you." He said before saluting her. As she returned the salute, the team whooped and hollered.
"Hug the woman, you idiot." Ashley yelled.
John didn't waste any time doing exactly that. As they embraced, John pat her back and whispered to her.
"You did good, Tals."
"Thanks, John." She murmured.
The cheering subsided and John finally turned to the others.
"Okay, guys. You're all dismissed. Check the roster on your O-T's for your assignments today and make sure you check your mail."
He pointed warily at Wrex next. "Don't make me remind you to stay the hell away from the static attenuators on deck 2."
Wrex brushed off the warning and mumbled a slight humph. The mishap the day before had electrocuted the toad so bad, smoke came spewing from his armpits. His burnt smell was not appealing. Neither was hauling a ton of meat off damaged parts to get them repaired. Tali had to push the krogan off the surviving pieces by planting both her feet on his crest with her back against the wall. Not fun. Her legs were powerful as all hell. Give her a leg press and 300 kilos and she'd be doing reps. But his weight was really pushing it.
As the group headed off to the elevator checking over the day's roster with their omni-tools, Tali and John stayed behind.
"So. Where's your medal?" She asked when they were all gone.
He gestured to the remaining case on the table. "Right here." He said simply. "...Care to do me the honor?"
She gave the last unopened box a long look and nodded.
"I'd love to." She murmured happily. Removing its lid, she noticed his medal wasn't like the ones he'd awarded to all of them.
"Hm. It's different." She said, inspecting its shape. Her ribbon was gold, but his was blue. She read its inscription carefully to see what it was.
"They decided to give me something else from back home instead. To keep it a little bit more traditional, I guess."
She draped the ribbon between both hands and kept her arms up.
"Lieutenant Commander John Shepard." She said proudly, "I present to you the highest decoration the System's Alliance can bestow. The Medal of Honor."
"No speech?"
"No speech." She echoed to him before grinning. "I'm awful at those."
"Not even a little one?"
"I don't think Commander Shepard needs someone to speak on his behalf. A speech couldn't hold a candle to everything you've done anyways."
"See, that was a speech."
"Hardly."
All smiles, she held the medal a little higher so she could place it over his head. Draping the piece, she centered it between his collarbones, stepped back, and placed her hands together.
"What do you think?" He said before playing with the medal's weight.
"That you deserve it." She answered softly. She watched him lovingly and felt so incredibly proud of the man in front of her.
Done observing its luster, he looked at the medal adorning her chest and nodded approvingly. "Lookin' pretty fancy. You should wear that every day. It's a good look."
"And let it get to my head?" She dropped her stare and clutched the thing, "I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't need a fancy medal to know I did the right thing."
"And that's exactly why you deserve it." He said, tone warm and eyes etched with something Tali wanted to believe was a lovelorn stare. "You've earned every atom in the thing. Believe me."
Eyes locked and without a thing to say, her emboldened heart sang out from his sappy words and it compelled her to toss her arms around his neck.
"You wonderful man with your wonderful words," She croaked happily, face buried in a shoulder, "Why are you so good to me?"
"Because you're Tali." He said as they put each other at arm's length, "Duty calls. CIC's waiting. I'll see you in a couple hours. How does lunch together down in engineering sound?"
"I'd like that. And, ha. Then maybe we can compare sizes later." She reached for the ribbon around her neck and made the ornament jingle.
Tongue in cheek, he rubbed his nose and bit his lip. "Sounds like a good time to me."
Taking his leave to make his way to CIC, he made it all of a couple steps before immediately making a 180 back to her.
"Ya know? I'm gonna feel kinda silly if I keep wearing this." He reached for that little box he left on the table and opened it up so he could place it back to where he'd rather it be. "Don't want people thinking I'm trying to make a statement."
"Oh god, I know, right? Feels like I'm trying to show off." Pulling her own medal off over her head, she pocketed the thing and kept stuffing its ribbon away until it was gone from sight.
"Now I can say goodbye. Goodbye, Tals."
She watched him leave. Eyes almost lost to the stupor of love she'd so often been smothered by.