"You okay?"
Emily continued looking out the window on the jet as she answered, "Yeah."
"They're good people," Emily looked at JJ, eyebrows furrowed, "Carrie's family."
"Good. I'm glad." she smiled shyly.
JJ studied the look on Emily's face knowing something else was bothering her, "I think it's a good idea though."
"What's that?" Emily was lost in her own thoughts, not knowing what JJ was talking about.
"You, kids. I can see it," she smiled, hoping her answer would make her girlfriend feel better.
"Yeah?" Emily said, turning her head back to stare back out the window. Well, I'm glad she thinks that, because I do have a child.
JJ stared at Emily trying to figure out what she was thinking about. She could see her eyes hiding something specific, but she couldn't pick up on. There's pain in her eyes, and happiness? That doesn't make sense, does it? I wish I could break down all her walls, but we are getting there. I think… Damn compartmentalizing.
The two have been in a relationship for a little over two and a half months now. The second Emily walked through the doors of the BAU JJ felt her heart race; she's stunning! The most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my entire life. JJ felt love at first sight and had no idea who the hell the woman was. The raven-haired beauty walked up to her asking where Agent Hotchner's office was, to which she pointed up the stairs to the first office, unable to speak. Emily smiled and thanked JJ then took off towards Hotch's office. Wow, that voice sent sparks through my body. My god, I need to know that woman JJ thought to herself.
JJ and Emily bonded immediately, which everyone assumed was because they were the only women on the team besides Garcia, who obviously didn't travel with them. The team thought the two were just super close, nobody had any idea they were in a relationship with one another. Everyone knew JJ was a lesbian, but never got a good read on Emily. She was dark and mysterious, stunning and smart, personable yet closed off, and had walls built up so thick it was impossible to see through.
One of those compartments held everything to do with her daughter, Lily, who was now 6 months old. A month and a half after her undercover mission to apprehend Doyle, Emily found out she was pregnant. By the time she got her doctor's appointment she was 12 weeks along. After everything that happened when she was 15 with Matthew and her abortion, she didn't care it was Doyle's baby, she wanted to do everything she could do to give her baby the best life. Soon after, she moved back to the states, bought a house, and took some much-needed time off.
When Lily was 2 months old, Emily started her job at the BAU where she met Jennifer. She trusted Jen with everything, everything besides her daughter. Yes, Doyle was in prison, but she didn't feel safe telling anyone about Lily. Only Strauss knew about the baby, and she wanted to keep it that way. Lily was Emily's saving grace, her whole world. She never thought she'd have another chance at being a mother, but when she found out she was pregnant, her life changed for the better.
Emily was still lost in thought as she looked out the jet window. Should I tell Jen about Lily? No, I can't do that. But we've been dating for three months now, and I've never had her over to my place. She's never said anything about it, maybe it's fine. But she just said she can see me with kids. Maybe she would understand? Maybe she would be furious with me for not telling her…
Emily looked back towards her, a small smile still on JJ's face, now or never, "Jen?"
"Em, don't worry. Carrie will be fine. I spoke with her family for a while."
Emily was completely thrown off by that comment, furrowing her brows, "No, it's not about Carrie. I mean, of course I'm worried but it's not that."
JJ was in return thrown off, assuming Emily had been lost in thought in regard to Carrie, "Oh. I'm sorry, what's up?"
Emily leaned closer to JJ and whispered, "I was wondering, would you like to come back to my place tonight?"
JJ's eyes opened wide, and her mouth dropped open, "Wait, what?"
From the blondes reaction, Emily suddenly started to second guess things, "I mean, you don't have to. Sorry, I just, you've never, uhh, I've never actually, it's okay, nevermind."
"Em, stop! Of course I want to. I was just surprised, that's all. Yeah, absolutely! We can order some takeout and relax. I'm excited!"
And then the thought crossed Emily's mind, oh shit, she's so happy and little does she know, I'm about to possibly turn her world upside-down. "I actually wanted to talk to you about something."
JJ looked visibly upset, "What do you want to talk about?"
"Jen, it's nothing bad. Well, I don't think it's bad. It will probably answer some of the questions you have about me. I know I compartmentalize, and you always beg for me to let you in, so I'm letting you in."
JJ reached across the table and grabbed Emily's hand, whispering, "I'm proud of you, babe. Thank you for wanting to let me in."
Emily reached into her pocket to pull out her phone to send a quick message to her live-in nanny. Hey Fiona, we should be landing within 20 min. Be home in about an hour or so, with Jen. Fingers crossed. How's Lily?
Seconds later she received a message back. Oo lala, Jennifer is coming? I'll get Lily in the bath after we finish dinner. Remind me to find my headphones ;)
Emily laughed, Fi, we're just going to talk.
Emily, I've known you your entire life. There's no such thing as 'just talking' when it comes to you. We love you, see you soon.
I love you both.
Once back to Quantico, Emily was visibly nervous, but JJ assumed it was because she was finally opening up to her. JJ continued her walk to Emily's desk after she put everything away and smiled, "Hey, you ready to go?"
Emily looked up at her, "Umm, yeah, give me two minutes. If I don't finish this now, I won't remember to when we get back."
JJ sat on the edge of her desk while she finished up and bent down to get Emily's bags when she saw her girlfriend put down her pen. "You good?"
Emily looked around at Morgan and Reid before looking into JJ's eyes, "Yeah, let's go. Bye boys, see you Monday, have a good weekend."
"Bye ladies don't have too much fun without us," Morgan said, smirking.
"Bye!" Reid yelled, as they were almost out the door.
The two women made it to their cars and Emily stopped to say, "Why don't you just follow me, we can order takeout once we get to my place okay?"
"Sounds good, babe." JJ was tempted to lean in for a kiss, but they were still in the parking garage, and she didn't want to risk it, yet. At least until the rest of the team knew.
The ride was fairly quick as Emily lived only 15 minutes away from Quantico. Before Emily got out of the car, she sent another text: Hey Fi, we are in the driveway. Which room are you two in?
We are in the nursery, cara.
Great, do you mind staying up there until I come in?
No problem honey, I'm getting Lily changed anyways. Just finished her bath.
As they started walking towards the steps Emily turned and grabbed JJ's arm to stop her, "Jen, before we go in, I need to tell you something. I umm, well my house is uhh, you see—"
Emily looked visibly stressed, stumbling over her words, flustered. JJ had never seen Emily liked this, "Babe, what is it?"
Looking down at her feet, shuffling them around, Emily began to speak again, "Remember what you said on the jet? How you could see me with kids?"
"Yeah?" JJ questioned, not understanding the relevance.
"I umm, well, I actually have daughter." Emily couldn't bear to look at JJ's face, afraid of what it would show.
JJ's mouth dropped open in shock, "You what?"
Emily finally looked into her eyes, "I have a baby girl, she's 6 months old."
JJ saw the sincerity, fear, and sparkle in Emily's eyes, "Oh my gosh, babe! Really?"
Emily's body language visibly changed; she was starting to think maybe things would be okay. "Yes. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you, I'm hoping you'll understand once I explain. There's a good reason for me to hide her, especially with our job. I'm so sorry. I'd completely understand if you wanted to turn back around and leave. Jen, I'm so sorry—"
As Emily looked back down at her feet stumbling over her words, she was interrupted. JJ lifted Emily's chin so she was looking her in the eye, "Baby, I'm sure you had your reasons. I'm not mad, this is amazing. So, is this why I've never been here before?"
"Mhm. Nobody knows about her, well, besides Strauss. But after today, when you told me you could see me with kids, something changed and I thought maybe it would be okay to tell you."
JJ leaned forward and captured Emily's lips, "I'm so honored you told me, let's go inside so I can meet this mini you. I'm sure she's beautiful."
They walked hand in hand to the door as Emily led them inside. JJ was blown away, she had secretly pictured Emily's house a million times and nothing she had imagined was anything like the real thing.
The entryway itself was gorgeous, white walls, amazing decorations, a long table with a beautiful rectangular piece of artwork where Emily dropped her keys down. They walked towards this incredibly large family room, a couch that could fit their team, along with 10 other adults comfortably. A beautiful light blue and white rug, an 85' tv mounted on the wall above the electric fireplace, the most elegant artwork everywhere—she followed Emily into the kitchen and was blown away. A chef's dream, and then some. Stainless steel appliances', white cabinets, and a white and gray waterfall island.
"My god, baby, I've barely seen two rooms of your house and it's already the most beautiful house I've ever seen."
"Ha-ha, thanks. I like it. Do you want something to drink? The wine fridge is right here, feel free to pick whatever. Glasses are in this cabinet, and here is the wine opener. I'm going to go upstairs and relieve Fiona and grab Lily from her."
Still speechless from looking around, JJ tried to listen to what Emily was saying, "Yeah, I, uhh, sure. Wait, who is Fiona?"
Laughing at JJ's expression, she reached out her hand to grab JJ's hand, "Jen, it's just a house. Relax. You can look around more while I run upstairs. Fiona is my nanny, her private house is out there," she said, pointing towards the guesthouse outside past the pool. "Although she has a room upstairs too for when I'm away on cases. She was my nanny, and when I found out I was pregnant, I called her to see if she would come live with me. Anyways, I'll get into that later. Go ahead and pick some wine then you can sit down in the living room. I'll be right down."
Still trying to process everything, she kissed Emily briefly, "I don't even know where to look, this house is incredible. Yes, go, take your time. I'm sorry, I can't wait to meet Lily."
As Emily walked away, JJ stood there in awe. I knew she had money, and I knew she had a house but fuck, I did not expect this. Holy shit! Okay, focus Jareau.
Emily went up to talk to Fiona and to let her go for the weekend. They spoke for a while regarding Jen and how she took the news about Lily but didn't get into it too much as there wasn't much to tell. "Fiona, why don't you take the weekend off? I'll let you know if we get a case, I'm praying we don't. I need a break and some Lily time."
"Are you sure, honey? I don't mind staying if you two want a ladies' night. I was preparing to stay in the main house anyways to give you and Jennifer some time together. You could use a break, cara."
Emily leaned in to hug her, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "Fi, we're good. We are going to order some takeout and relax. Thank you for everything, I love you."
"I love you too, cara. And I love you little one. Have a good night." She went out the back and Emily found JJ sitting in the living room still looking around in awe.
As she walked down the remaining two steps and into the living room she said, "Hey, what wine did you pick babe?"
"Hi. I picked umm, honestly, I have no idea but it's delicious. Oh my goodness, you must be Lily," she said as she looked up and saw Emily standing with the baby in her arms. "Em, she's gorgeous. She's your mini with blue eyes."
"Thank you, she's my saving grace." Emily said as she grabbed her wine and sat down on the couch next to JJ.
JJ moved closer to Emily and reached out to grab Lily's little hand. "Hi princess, I'm Jennifer. I'm so happy to meet you, oh look at those smiles. You're such a smiley little girl, aren't you? You look exactly like your mommy don't you sweetie?"
Emily laughed. "She's much prettier, aren't you little bug. Do you want to hold her while I go grab the takeout menus?"
"Can I, Em?" Emily nodded and passed Lily over to the blonde. "Come here baby, look at you. Oh, those smiles, you're melting my heart honey."
Emily left the two and went into the kitchen to find the takeout menus with a smile on her face. "Babe, do you feel like eating something particular?"
"Umm, whatever you want is fine. Right little one? Whatever mommy wants is fine. Oh, no. Don't cry. What's wrong honey? Uhh Em…I don't think she likes me."
Emily looked up from the menus and at the clock, "It's not you, it's almost her bedtime. I'm going to make her a bottle."
She could see JJ freaking out a bit not knowing what to do so she walked back into the living room, "It's okay, Jen. I'll take her, you choose something for us to eat. Shh, mommy's here baby, mommy's here."
Jen was again in awe. Watching Emily interact with Lily was beautiful. She always thought Emily had a way with kids, she just never knew it was because she was already a mom. Emily took her back into the kitchen and finished making her bottle, then came to sit back down while she fed her.
They called in some food and JJ could see the wheels turning in her lover. "Em, baby, you don't have to tell me why or how right now. Just know, I'm not mad you didn't tell me about Lily. I know you have your reasons, and that's enough for me."
Emily looked to meet JJ's eyes, "I appreciate that Jen, but I owe you an explanation." She looked back down at Lily who was now asleep in her arms and smiled at her baby girl, Lily was her whole world and more.
"Babe, being here with you in your house and with Lily is more than I could ever ask for right now. I know eventually, you'll explain things. We just had a really hard case; we can take a break." JJ tried to convey to her girlfriend she was okay with things, but it didn't seem to be working. The wheels were still turning and it didn't seem to make a difference what she said.
"I, umm. I appreciate it, Jen, I do. But you deserve to know, and if I don't do it right now, I'm not sure when I'll have the courage again. So please, let me explain and then after you can ask me as many questions as you want to. Okay?"
JJ reached out and held Emily's arm to not disrupt the baby. "Okay. Whatever you need, babe."