A/N: Out of all of the Loud House one-shots I have written in the past five years (even I can't believe I'm about to hit my five-year mark), I truly believe that this one could actually work as an actual episode of the show… in fact, I feel like they should have done an episode like this already… but then again, I felt like an episode about Lana and Lola masquerading as each other should have happened as far back as season one.
I'm going to pin this story's timeline as taking place prior to "Animal House" to establish how Sam became a volunteer at the animal shelter.
Looks can be deceiving. One look at Sam Sharp would suggest that she was a big city gal who enjoyed pastimes that were wild and loud. That wasn't entirely inaccurate. Rock and roll was her biggest passion, after all; whether attending rock concerts, or jamming bass in her girlfriend's rock band. But the fact of the matter was Sam Sharp was a country girl at heart. While her friends may head off to camp, she spent many of her summer vacations staying at her grandparents' farm, where she learned how to plant and harvest crops, basked in the warm sunshine from dawn till dusk, and help care for the livestock. If she had her choice, she would remain on her grandparents' farm forever… alas, her immediate family lived in the city, and the school year would soon resume once again. Not that she minded, however. She got to see her mates again; Sully, Mazzy, and especially her girlfriend, Luna Loud, the grooviest, hardest-rockin' chick she ever met.
Still, there was always an empty space in Sam's heart for her friends back on her grandparents' farm… her animal friends. She longed to have animal companionship at home, but having pets in the Sharp household wasn't entirely feasible. Eventually, she discovered a way that could allow her to continue to care for animals on a semi-regular basis. The Royal Woods Animal Shelter was woefully understaffed and desperate for volunteers who had experience in caring for animals aside from just cats and dogs. Sam could readily volunteer her services – it not only would provide her with an opportunity to connect with animals again, but it would be a way for her to contribute to the community, as well as add another extracurricular activity to her record. After an interview, Sam Sharp was whole-heartedly welcomed into the Royal Woods Animal Shelter.
Within no time, all of the animals residing within the shelter fell in love with the big-hearted blonde. Most volunteers would merely feed and groom the animals (some had to be ordered to clean up after them). Sam did more than that. She spent time with the animals; she nurtured them, talked to them, sang to them, showed them love and affection. The shelter could see that her heart was as golden as her hair; they realized they struck gold with a volunteer like her. She even began to consider that if perhaps being a rock star was not a practical career in her future, she could see herself becoming a zookeeper, or even a veterinarian.
Her mates knew how much she enjoyed volunteering at the shelter, although it reached a point that they began seeing far less of her because of it – especially on weekends when they all were accustomed to spending their time jamming. Luna, especially, longed for some quality time with her girlfriend, and decided one Saturday afternoon to pop over for a visit and see her beloved in her other natural environment.
"What up, my lil' animal whisperer!" The purple-clad rocker greeted the blonde volunteer as she entered the shelter.
"Hey, Lunes!" The blonde volunteer replied in kind.
The two closed ranks for a quick hug… a hug that wasn't entirely pleasant to Luna as her nostrils caught a whiff of a putrid stench that made her recoil in disgust. Sam, however, could understand why.
"Sorry, love," apologized a pink-cheeked Sam. "Somebody had to clean out Henderson's stall."
"Henderson?" Luna queried.
"He's a beautiful thoroughbred, he was quite a champion back in his day," explained Sam. "But, since his glory days are over, and he's been gelded and can't produce any future champs, nobody wants him anymore, so he's been living here for a while."
Luna listened intently, but her girlfriend's terminology was lost on her, and sensing the confusion, Sam offered clarification…
"He's a race horse who can't race anymore, and he can't breed with a female to produce offspring, so they brought him here."
"Ahhh. Man, that's Dragsville," nodded Luna. "I didn't know this place had horses."
"Oh, we've got all kinds of animals; come on, I'll show you…" Sam motioned for her girlfriend to follow her.
They made their way through a rather large kennel housing a number of typical household pets, mostly cats and dogs, but also a few birds and rabbits; there was even an area which housed tanks of reptiles and fish. Sam brought Luna through a door leading out into an area that looked like a stable housing a number of much larger animals one wouldn't necessarily consider typical household pets. Luna's eyes had enough time to identify a camel and a chimpanzee before Sam brought her to a stall containing an old horse with a rich brown coat… an old horse that began to whinny and bob its head in delight upon the sight of the friendly blonde girl who approached him. Startled by the loud noise and sudden movement of such a large animal, Luna leapt back in fear.
"WHOA! Y-you sure he ain't a wild stallion, or somethin'?" She asked.
"Relax, Lunes, he's just excited," explained Sam as she grabbed a nearby feedbag before she lowered her voice to whisper to the horse, "and well you should be… I slipped another little surprise for you…"
With that, Sam strapped the feedbag to the horse's muzzle, and after a few bites, he nickered in delight over the sugar cubes he tasted amongst his oats.
"Our little secret," added Sam as she and Henderson exchanged a wink with each other before the horse went back to eating, while the blonde tenderly stroked the length of his muzzle.
"SAMANTHA!"
The blonde bassist nearly jumped out of her skin when the voice called out to her – and just after she slipped Henderson an extra little treat… she hoped their little secret had not be discovered. The shelter director then stepped out into the sanctuary to address their volunteer.
"There you are. Samantha, we have another newbie entering our ranks…"
Accompanying the shelter director with the aid of a harness was a friendly little Billy goat. As with any animal, Sam immediately fell in love with the critter the moment her eyes fell upon him, and as she dropped to her knees and held out her hands, the Billy goat was quick to warm up to her as his lips tickled the palms of her hands before she began to rub and caress the top of his head. Luna also seemed to be in awe of the sight of an actual goat; it had been since her last visit to the petting zoo that she saw one this up close.
"I hope we have room for him; it's getting pretty crowded in here," added the director.
"I think we have an empty stall back here we can keep him in," noted Sam as her eyes scanned the area.
"I'll make note of it," said the director while the leash to the goat's harness was handed to the volunteer. "Will you tend to him in the meantime, Samantha?"
"What's his name?" Sam asked.
"We don't know," confessed the director. "Somebody just found him wandering the streets. No reports of any missing goats, but we'll make some calls to see where we can send him."
With that, the director left the stable to take care of the business aspect that came with running an animal shelter. There was, indeed, an available stall to house the goat, but Sam knew that she would have to clear it out of whatever may be stored within, and of course sanitize it before the goat could call it its home.
"Wanna give me a hand back here, Lunes?" Sam asked for assistance.
"I could give ya two, brah," offered Luna as she flashed her girlfriend a pair of jazz hands, a gesture that was met with not only a lilting giggle from the blonde bassist, but also an enthusiastic bleat from the goat. "Ya like that, do ya, goat-dude?"
It may have seemed like Luna was of no help to Sam, as she spent much of the time with the goat, but Sam actually found this to be incredibly helpful, as it kept the goat preoccupied while she prepared the empty stall for its new inhabitant. The goat seemed to take a real liking to Luna as she not only played with, but sang to him as well – it seemed as though this goat really enjoyed music, as he would bob and swing his head to the rhythm of whatever Luna sang to him… he would even do a little dance whenever Sam would harmonize with her girlfriend; it all brought much delight to both girls.
After several moments, Sam finally had the stall cleaned and sanitized for the goat to call its temporary home, although whatever hopes she had in the goat eventually having a permanent home faded when the shelter director returned with an update.
"No dice," said the director. "Nobody can take him off our hands."
"Nobody?" Sam asked in concern. "Not even the petting zoo?"
"They say they already have more goats than they know what to do with," said the director, and that was true, the Royal Woods Petting Zoo housed a multitude of goats (Lincoln, Leni, and Luan were once convinced that Luna was plotting to set them all loose). "We'll keep trying, but if all else fails…"
With that, the director turned to leave again, leaving Sam looking quite despondent, which Luna was quick to pick up on.
"If all else fails, what?" The purple-clad rocker asked.
With a sad and heavy sigh, Sam responded, "We're always so cramped for space around here, if we can't send animals anywhere else, or nobody will adopt them, they have to…" she then lowered her voice, "be put to sleep…"
Even with lowering her voice, the goat apparently heard that, as he let out a worried bleat before he went rigid and fell over onto his back with all four legs sticking straight up into the air.
"Dude, that's cold… even by Lucy's standards!" Luna rebutted.
"I know… there's gotta be somewhere this little guy can go," agreed Sam as she stepped into the stall, knelt down next to the goat, and attempted to coax him out of his fainting spell.
Luna gave the matter some thought; considering how much the goat seemed to enjoy their company as well as their music, a flash of inspiration struck her like a mighty chord.
"Dude! Lightbulb moment!" She exclaimed before she removed her cellphone from her skirt pocket and sent out a text message to her other bandmates for an emergency Moon Goats conference.
Shortly thereafter, Sully and Mazzy arrived at the shelter where Luna relayed the goat's plight to her mates, and to voice her proposal to the lot of them…
"So I say, we adopt him! He'd make a totally rad mascot!"
"A Moon Goats goat mascot? Sweet!" Sully exclaimed; he, in particular, was onboard with such a proposal as he dropped to his knees before the goat and began to playfully ruffle up his face. "Welcome to the band… uh… uh… so, what's his handle?"
"He doesn't have one," said Sam.
"Yeah… a goat with no name," added Luna, partially referencing the classic America song Horse with No Name.
"Oh, well. I'm sure if we butt our heads together, we can come up with something, huh, little buddy?" Sully asked as he lowered his head and encouraged the goat to butt with him; he was well accustomed to blunt trauma to his lid.
"Well, he is a Billy goat; why don't we call him Billy?" Sam proposed, though nobody in the room –not even the goat- appeared keen to such.
"Yeah, not exactly original…" noted Mazzy.
"I know, he's got these rad horns, why not Horny?" Sully suggested, though such a suggestion was met with befuddlement.
"You have got to be kidding…" muttered Mazzy.
"There must be somethin' we can come up with," said Luna. "A fitting handle for such a hard-rockin' goat, but somethin' clever, too.."
"The band aside, the only thing that comes to mind when I think of goats is that old fairy tale about the Three Billy Goats Gruff…" said Sam.
Upon hearing such, the goat seemed to perk up, which did not go unnoticed by Luna.
"Dudes, did you see that?" She asked before she knelt down before the goat. " Gruff?"
The goat responded favorably.
"Dudes, I think he likes it!"
"Yeah, it's perfect for such a hard-rockin' goat!" Sully agreed.
"Congrats, Gruff, you're now officially a Moon Goat!" Luna said, which caused the now-named Gruff to bleat his appreciation to have a name at last.
"Alright! You're one of us now! Bring it in, Gruff!" Sully exclaimed as he dropped to his hands and knees once more and prompted the goat to butt heads with him.
Whatever enthusiasm was in the room was short-lived when Sam took the moment to be the voice of reason.
"Not to burst anyone's bubble, but I'm not so sure we can adopt Gruff," she said.
"Why not? Lots of the biggies have mascots," noted Luna before she listed off some. "M.J. had Bubbles the chimp; Iggy Pop's got a feathered friend named Biggy Pop; Slash's Pandora ain't no box, he's a boa…"
"Having a mascot would be super cool and all, but caring for a goat isn't like caring for a dog or cat," interrupted Sam. "Gruff is going to need somebody who really knows how to care for him so he can be happy and healthy."
"And I know just that somebody," said Luna to the others' curiosity. "My lil' sis, Lana, is a total animal freak! You should see the menagerie of critters she brings home. The 'rents let her get away with it all the time!"
Sam cocked an eyebrow in disbelief.
"Okay, she sneaks a lot of 'em in…" clarified Luna. "But if she can get away with it, I don't see how I can't. Besides, she'd love to have a new playmate!"
"Well, I'd hate for Gruff to have to be put to sleep… and from what I've heard about Lana, I suppose Gruff could be in good hands…" shrugged a reluctant Sam.
"Ya hear that, Gruff?" Luna asked as she knelt before the goat again. "You'll be crashin' at my pad from now on!"
Gruff bleated merrily and performed a spontaneous little victory dance to celebrate finding a new home with the purple-clad rocker, all of which delighted the Moon Goats. On that subject…
"Dudes, the Moon Goats have another gig at the Burnt Bean tomorrow," Luna reminded her bandmates. "It'll be Gruff's big debut; everyone will love 'im!"
"Just like us!" Sully agreed while he showered their mascot with another dose of affection, of which Gruff ate up.
With the decision made, Sam brought to the main office Luna, who in turn, led Gruff behind her; there, Luna filled out and signed all of the necessary paperwork to adopt Gruff and take him home with her. Unfortunately, bringing Gruff home with her also brought problems for Luna and the Loud family.
Later that day when Lynn, Sr. stepped into the kitchen to prepare dinner for his family that evening, he was in for a shock when he found a Billy goat pigging out on his leftovers from within the refrigerator – particularly his famous Lynnsagna. So shocked was he that Lynn, Sr. released a loud, girly scream. Startled by the sudden loud noise spooked Gruff into screaming as well, and soon, the two sets of girly screams emanated throughout the Loud House before Gruff's goat genetic defect kicked in, causing him to go completely rigid and faint with his hooves up in the air again. When the rest of the family raced into the kitchen to see what happened, and given her penchant for bringing strange animals home, Lana was immediately blamed for the sudden appearance of the goat in their house, though Luna was prompted to step forward and claim responsibility, much to her parents' dismay. Despite Luna's explanations of the goat's plight, Lana's instance that she could help her sister care for him, and even Leni taking a liking to the critter, Lynn, Sr. and Rita laid down the law and said that Gruff had to go – especially after nightfall, when the energetic goat playing with all of Lana's other exotic pets deprived her prissy twin sister, Lola, of her required beauty sleep.
Bright and early the next day, Sam, Sully, and Mazzy met up with Luna at the Burnt Bean for their latest gig. The band's lead vocalist relayed the news to her mates of how and why living at the Loud House would be impractical for Gruff – news that came as a major buzzkill for the rest of the band, but not as much of a surprise, especially to Sam.
In the meantime…
"Oh, yeah; before the 'rents gave ol' Gruff the boot, Leni made some new threads for him," explained Luna as she showed off something of a poncho that her fashionista sister had made for their mascot: a bright purple garment draped over the goat's body, emblazoned with the Moon Goats emblem on either side of the drape.
The other band members were in awe of Gruff's new outfit, which really helped solidify his image as the band's mascot… Sully in particular took a liking to it.
"Ohhh, that is so radical!" He gushed. "You think Leni could make one for me? I take a size sixteen!"
The others merely responded to the keyboardist with quizzically blank stares… except for Gruff, he seemed to like the idea.
Just then, a burly Englander stepped out into the alley behind the establishment to address the four teenagers and the one goat.
"Aye, mates, you're all set to rock the Kasbah," said Chunk.
"Righteous! Thanks, Chunk!" Luna said to their band's roadie.
"Well, Gruff, you ready to make your big debut?" Sam asked.
Gruff responded with another bleat and nod of excitement.
"I think he's sayin', 'Absitively, posolutely!'" Luna translated.
"Come on, little buddy!" Sully said as he led the goat into the building behind the rest of the band.
It seemed like it would be a violation of health codes to have animals in an establishment where food and beverage are served, but the Burnt Beat was a pet-friendly establishment, and as such, upon learning that the Moon Goats had a new mascot, the manager had no objections. As patrons and customers took to their seats, all eyes turned toward a raised platform that served as a small stage, out onto which the band ran to take their traditional lineup.
"Hello, Burnt Bean!" Luna exclaimed into the microphone while their audience cheered and applauded. "Before we get our jam on, we'd like to introduce our new mascot! Give it up for our Billy goat, Gruff!"
The Billy goat happily bleated when introduced to the crowd that received him warmly; there was also one particular geriatric customer who had to snark off some clever commentary.
"Is he the O.G. G.O.A.T.?" Scoots asked with a smirk on her face.
"Good one, Scoots," muttered Luna while Mazzy crashed a rim shot on her drums; that was the sort of quip they would have expected from Luna's immediate younger sister and roommate, Luan. "Now, let's rock!"
After Mazzy tapped her drumsticks together for the countdown, the band ripped into their instruments, thus filling the small coffee house with a blast of rock music that had patrons and customers banging their heads and dancing in their seats. Luna proceeded to belt out the lyrics to what became the Moon Goats' signature hit…
Everytime I can, you better know I wanna play with my band
Play a little guitar and clap my hands
Everytime we get together, you know that I could play forever
Anytime I can, you better know I wanna play with my band
Gruff had a blast, and he could certainly bang his head with the rest of them, the sight of which added to the audience's enjoyment to see a goat really get into the music; he was an official Moon Goat through and through. Unfortunately, being trapped within the confines of an eatery, with the smells and aromas of various brewed beverages and baked goods in the air, triggered the goat's appetite, and without warning, he broke rank from the band, and began to meander around the rest of the coffee shop, where he gobbled down random customers' snacks.
"My puddin'-filled doughnut!" Yelped elderly speed demon, Scoots, before Gruff moved on to the next table…
"My fiber-enriched bran muffin!" Yelped curmudgeonly next door neighbor, Bud Grouse, before Gruff moved on to yet another table…
"My gluten-free, low-cal, protein-packed, avocado toast melt wrap!" Yelped the bespectacled pink-haired lesbian who, along with her bespectacled black-haired girlfriend, has been seen in the background of almost every episode since season seven.
Needless to say, the opinions of Gruff quickly soured amongst the patrons as the Moon Goats watched his animalistic eating habits in embarrassment and shame. Shortly thereafter, the Moon Goats, along with Gruff and Chunk, stood dejectedly outside the Burnt Bean while its manager looked upon all of them rather sternly.
"We're so sorry things got so outta hand… or, outta hoof… or… whatevs…" said Luna humbly before she fished a roll of dollar bills from her skirt pocket. "Here, this oughta cover everyone's gobbled goodies…"
The shapely woman who was often mistaken for Sam's mother because of her light blonde hair that featured bold turquoise highlights snatched the money out of Luna's hand, quickly counted it, and then haughtily stepped back into the coffee house, which left the Moon Goats to their own devices.
"Guess we won't be jammin' here again anytime soon…" lamented Mazzy.
"Eh, don't sweat it, mates; Ol' Chunk can pull a few strings," assured the Moon Goats' roadie who went about his way to make some calls about getting the band booked into another venue for further gigs.
Meanwhile, Gruff's antics in the Burnt Bean called back to Luna's mind some of the trouble she had with him at home…
"This is just like last night when Gruff went hog wild on Pop's Lynnsagna," she said.
"Yeah, goats have very hearty appetites; they'll eat anything," noted Sam.
"You're tellin' me," said Sully, who the others noticed was sharing a big baguette sandwich he purchased prior to their session with the hungry goat.
"Gruff will have to go somewhere he can be fed, and the right kinds of food for goats to eat," said Sam.
"That brings to mind the issue of finding somewhere else for Gruff to crash, since your place is off limits now, Lunes," noted Mazzy.
"Unfortunately, the shelter has a policy that animals can't be brought back after they've been adopted," explained Sam.
With blonde bassist having broached the subject of the shelter again, and knowing how well she works with animals, Luna experienced another lightbulb moment…
"That's it! Sam, you'd be perfect for giving Gruff a roof over his head!" She exclaimed, and even in spite of her girlfriend's skepticism, she made her case: "You always hang tight with the critters, you would know how to care for Gruff and what stuff he'll chow down on! Plus, you always wanted your own pet…"
"Well…" mumbled Sam as she scratched the back of her head, though the others seemed to believe that Luna's new proposal was far more reasonable than her previous one of taking Gruff home with her to the Loud House.
"Aw, come on, Sam, just look into the windows of his soul," said Sully as he and Gruff gave the blonde bassist the look. "If this little guy could sing, he'd be singin', ' Gimme shelter'!"
Gruff nodded and bleated pitifully, which broke Sam's heart; she wasn't sure bringing a goat home would be such a great idea, but she still dreaded the idea of him having nowhere else to go.
"Well, Gruff, I guess you're comin' home with me!" She said, which garnered another bleat of glee and happiness from their mascot.
Sam certainly didn't want to throw off on her own girlfriend, but she held a smidge more confidence that her house would be a marginally better environment for Gruff than Luna's house – if only because there were far less people (as well as other pets) to make for crowded living quarters. She also hoped, as Luna had pointed out, that it would finally be her opportunity to care for a pet of her own. The Sharps had no doubts that she possessed the experience, knowledge, and sense of responsibility to provide such an animal with a loving home, but their household could not exactly accommodate an animal such as a goat. Keeping him in the house was out of the question. As with the Louds, Gruff ended up helping himself to some of their dinner that night; not only that, he also inadvertently ruined some of the progress Simon made in the video game he was currently working his way through when Sam's little brother tried to play with the goat. Clearly, Gruff was an energetic young goat, and keeping him tied up in the backyard seemed more like a punishment than anything.
More disappointment befell the Moon Goats when they met up at Luna's garage the next day, whereupon Sam sang the same tune that Luna sang the day before, that keeping Gruff at her house would be impractical. Things looked grim and bleak for Gruff… that is until Sully had something to show him that he was sure would lift their mascot's spirit: a matching Moon Goats poncho made by Leni.
"Check it out, little buddy," he said as he showed off his new fashion. "Now we're twinsies!"
Gruff happily bleated his approval as he nuzzled his twinsie, while Sully went back to showering him with affection. Although discussions had to be had regarding where Gruff could possibly live now, said discussions would have to be put on hold, as at that moment, Luna heard the notification tone on her phone ping. A look at the screen alerted her that the band's new gig at the Red Herring was scheduled to begin very soon, and of course, they still needed to prepare for such.
"We better hoof it, dudes," she said, while the others nodded understandingly, and Gruff bleated enthusiastically.
The Red Herring was another coffee house, although in addition to brewed beverages, this one also served seafood rather than baked goods. The restaurant often hosted Chunk and his own band, the Pieces, for their open mic performances; with such connections, Chunk was able to pull a few strings and get the Red Herring to book the Moon Goats for such an open mic that afternoon.
This time, the band took a few more precautions with Gruff before their gig got underway. Given his tendency to wander, something of a pin was erected for him so that he could remain on stage with the Moon Goats, and hopefully not slip away and cause a ruckus throughout the venue. Also, prior to their arrival, Sam made sure that he was well-fed so as to stave off any hunger he may experience during their show. Finally, the performance was underway, and a face familiar to many regular patrons was met with applause as the burly Brit approached the microphone on the stage.
"'Ello, Red Herring… you know me as Chester, you know as Chunk, you know I got the funk…" began Chunk to even more applause. "But it's not only me who's got the funk… allow me the pleasure of introducing you to the hardest rockin' group this side of Michigan, the Moon Goats!"
Chuck stepped aside as the curtains parted to reveal a foursome of teenagers and a goat who were at the ready to play their hearts out. After the requisite applause, the girl dressed in purple up front kicked things off…
"Hello, Red Herring; are you ready to rock?!" She shouted and received an enthusiastic response. "Lemme introduce you dudes to the lineup! On bass, we have Sam Sharp! Bangin' the keys, Sully Locasico! Crashing on drums, Mazzy Chase! And our new mascot, our Billy goat, Gruff!"
"And let's not forget our awesome lead vocalist, and rockin' guitarist, Luna Loud!" Sam added as she stepped up to the mic.
Each introduction was met with a warm response; this may have been the Moon Goats' first time performing at the Red Herring, but based on their appearances and personalities alone, many patrons felt they had promise, and the band certainly wanted their first gig at this new venue to go off without a hitch.
"Now that you're in the know of who each of us are, let us give you a taste of who the Moon Goats are!" Luna kicked off the gig as she and her fellow musicians blasted their audience with an earful of powerful rock music.
When you're a goat
You can eat anything ya want
When you're a goat
you got two knobby horns you can flaunt
When you're a goat
sheep better look out, man
When you're a goat
don't kid around with us, man
When you're a goat
The barnyard is yo place
Ya got two knobby horns
And a lil' mustache on your face
When you're a goat! (A goat!)
A goat! (A goat!)
As the Moon Goats played into a brief instrumental bridge, they were most pleased to see that Gruff was behaving himself this time; he remained on stage as he happily bleated along to the song and engaged in some hard-rockin' head bangin' – Sully admired his technique. Things were about to take a disappointing turn when Luna segued into another verse…
When you're a goat
Ya don't give a damn
All ya wanna do is RAM!
RAM!
It was then that Gruff took initiative and rammed his way out of his containment, much to the shock and dismay of everyone on the stage – not to mention the customers, who had no idea if this was a regular part of their act or not.
"GRUFF! NO!" Luna shouted.
It was to no avail, as the keyed-up goat continued to ram anything that was in his path, including his new owners. Had anybody been prepared, Luna would have enjoyed another stage dive into a crowd surf, but unfortunately, she went flying straight to the floor after Gruff rammed her off the stage… it was a good thing that growing up in the Loud House, where physical altercations were routine, helped the rocker develop a literal thick skin; any of the siblings could venture into a career as stunt performers. Gruff didn't stop there, as Sam was the next one to find herself rammed, though at least she had less distance to travel, as she was merely rammed into one of the wings of the stage. Mazzy's drum set and Sully's keyboard were the next to get rammed by the overly excited goat, but as if that wasn't bad enough, as Gruff pranced about the stage, he managed to discover a fog machine, and rammed it as well. The Red Herring was soon filled with artificial vapors, which hindered everybody's senses: nobody could see, and nobody could breathe, as a chorus of panicked coughing soon echoed throughout. There was, however, one lone soul within the entire establishment who seemed completely unaffected by the sheer amount of fog that swallowed those in attendance…
"Cor blimey, it's just like London!" Chunk remarked somewhat longingly to be reminded of his old hometown across the pond in merry England.
Just as before, the Moon Goats found themselves outside the restaurant where they were stared at menacingly by management – especially Chunk who vouched for them in the first place. Also just as before, Luna reluctantly handed over whatever donations they received from their spectators to cover whatever damaged had been caused by Gruff. Just like that, the Moon Goats were once again without a venue and without a gig, all because Gruff could not control himself… which turned the conversation back to an important point that needed to be addressed…
"Guys? This isn't working out for us… we're gonna have to do something about Gruff…" said Sam while the goat hung his head in shame.
"But where's he gonna go?" Luna asked; hers and Sam's houses were already crossed off the list. "Chunk? Can you take 'im?"
"Oi, I'd love to, luv… gotta admire his spunk," remarked Chunk. "But I don't think the super would allow Ol' Chunk to keep a bovidae at me flat…"
"Mazzy?" Luna turned to their drummer.
"Yeah, I doubt my folks are gonna let me bring a goat home," she said despondently. "Especially not after my kid brother tried bringing a possum home once."
"Maybe I can take him home; he'd be the kid brother I never had," offered Sully. "I think he's startin' to look like me, what do you guys think?"
He knelt down next to Gruff as the two flashed matching smiles to the rest of the band while they stood idly by and eyeballed each other; clearly, Sully was becoming just a little too attached to their mascot, and it was definitely for the best that they try to find a new forever home for him.
"Dudes, we gotta find somewhere for Gruff," fretted Luna.
"Yeah, too bad there aren't any goat farms nearby," said Mazzy, though that statement seemed to give Sam a lightbulb moment of her own.
"Farms… farms!" She squealed. "Guys, I know where Gruff can have a forever home!"
The blonde bassist placed a call to her grandparents; she just knew they would welcome another goat onto their farm out in the country. Unfortunately, her grandparents were away from the farm visiting extended family in another part of the state, and would not return for another week or two… Gruff needed a new home today. Luckily, the elder Sharps were not the only people with a farm of whom either Sam or Luna knew.
A short time later, the Moon Goats found themselves at Hunnicutt Farms, where they met up with Liam, whom Luna knew as one of her little brother's closest friends, and Sam knew as a semi-regular volunteer at the animal shelter. It took a few minutes, but they explained to the boy with the ginger-colored bowl haircut the present situation with their mascot, and why it was they had brought him to their farm in the hopes that they could provide a forever home for him.
"You sure you could take him in and give him shelter?" Luna asked.
"Shore thang!" Liam enthusiastically responded in his pronounced drawl. "It's like my Mee Maw says, there's always room for more, and th' more th' merrier at Hunnicutt Farms!"
That greatly satisfied the Moon Goats to know their mascot would be in good hands with Liam and his Mee Maw; with tons of open space and other animals that lived on the farm, there was no way that he could ever be bored or lonely.
"This is the best place for you to call home, Gruff," said Sam as she removed the harness from the goat's body.
"Yeah, there's plenty of room for you to frolic to your heart's content," noted Luna. "And you'll make tons of new friends."
Perhaps that would happen sooner than later, as it was at that very moment that Gruff heard a bleat come from the barn. He turned his head and his eyes immediately fell upon Hunnicutt Farms' resident nanny goat, Carol Anne. As quick as a wink, both goats had hearts in their eyes as Gruff split the scene, and trotted his way over to Carol Anne, whereupon the two proceeded to nuzzle each other.
"AWWWWW!" The others responded to the scene that unfolded before them with large, glistening puppy eyes, huge smiles on their faces, and their hands clasped together.
"Well, what d'ya know; looks like its Clucky and Yolko Ono all over again," remarked Liam as he relived the time in which one of the farm's coques took a shine to one of the hens.
Suddenly, the others could hear loud sobbing and sniffling, which they realized came from a rather emotional Sully.
"B-T-Dubs, I'm not crying… I have hay fever," he lied as he pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and blew his nose into it, while the others exchange knowing smiles amongst themselves.
With that, the band stepped over to the barn to bid a final farewell to their former mascot, as they each took turns kneeling before him.
"You two take care of each other," said Luna as she gently stroked the back of Gruff's neck, while he and Carol Anne responded with a nod.
"You'll always be a Moon Goat in our hearts, Gruff," said Sam as she playfully tickled the goat under his chin.
"You were the real G.O.A.T.," said Mazzy as she playfully nudged Gruff's jaw.
"I'm gonna miss you, little buddy," wailed Sully as he threw his arms around Gruff's neck and the two burst into tears; Sully sobbed loudly, Gruff bleated in kind.
"Aw, now don't y'all fret none; Gruff'll be in good hands 'round these parts," assured Liam. "Visit 'im any time ya like!"
"Thanks again for helpin' us out, Liam," said Sam.
"And, Gruff? Keep the poncho; we know you've grown fond it," insisted Luna, which only added to Gruff's contentment.
"With a fancy set-a-duds like that, Gruff'll be Hunnicutt Farms' fashion king," remarked Liam.
With that, the Moon Goats reluctantly took their leave, while Gruff remained behind on Hunnicutt Farms, and bounded off with Carol Anne to frolic in the pastures.
"Man, it was so cool havin' our very own mascot," lamented Luna.
"Yeah, but let's face it, a band just isn't the proper environment for a goat, and neither were any of our pads," said Sam. "We really should've brought him here in the first place… I'm surprised the guys at the shelter didn't think to get in touch with the Hunnicutts about Gruff…"
"Why don't you say somethin' to them next time you're there?" Luna suggested. "Surely you can do more there than just feed and clean poop?"
"If I'm gonna keep volunteering there, I might as well contribute some additional input," surmised Sam. "B-T-Dubs, the shelter's still looking for more volunteers… I know she's a little young, but do you think Lana would like to lend a hand or two?"
"I'll def. ask her, love," said Luna.
And thus concluded the Moon Goats' short-lived venture in having their very own goat mascot… something that Sully did not seem he would be able to come to terms with just yet, but with a little moral support from his band mates, he probably could in due time. As Sam had mentioned, it really was in Gruff's best interest; he may have been a most unusual goat who enjoyed the rock-and-roll lifestyle, but now he could enjoy the lifestyle a farm animal was meant to enjoy, and with a new mate by his side.
Sam also used their recent episode as a learning experience to pass along to management at the Royal Woods Animal Shelter, as they, in turn, began to broaden their scope when it came to finding new homes that can provide the proper environment to whatever sort of animals are brought through their doors... including eventually a llama named Larry, a penguin named Willy, and a flying squirrel named Squirt.
I would have published this sooner, but I had to do a last-minute major revision to the story, as the timeline made less sense in the order it was originally written than it does now. Either way, I'm glad to have this finished; I have wanted to write another Luna/Moon Goats story for a while, so this idea provided me with an opportunity to do just that.