Word Count: 8800
Warnings: Amnesia
Forget You
His return to consciousness was slow. The first thing to pierce through the darkness was the familiar, steady beep-beep-beep that told him that he'd, once again, landed himself in the hospital. It was, unfortunately, a very common occurrence, these days.
Pepper was probably going to shout at him again.
He blinked his eyes open, wincing at the low light in the white hospital room. Honestly, why did they think that white everything was a good idea? Sure, it was sterile, but it would be much more fun to wake up to something else. A little bit of colour wouldn't hurt anyone.
He vaguely wondered if he could convince Pepper to lobby for colourful walls in the private hospital that he was most often treated in. He doubted it, but it was worth a try.
Tony shifted in the bed, trying to get a better idea of his injuries, and pain shot through his entire body. Sweet Jesus, had he been hit by a train? He felt like he'd been hit by a train. This was way worse than feeling like he'd been hit by a bus.
"Tony?"
"Oh my god! Tony! You're awake!"
Tony blinked, and then tilted his head as much as he was able without lifting it from the pillow. They must have him on the good stuff, if he was hallucinating this kind of realness.
Rogers and Barnes looked entirely solid, which was new. Usually, his hallucinations were less… there.
Huh.
"Tony…" Rogers was frowning at him, which never ended well for anyone. "You're not hallucinating."
Oh. He'd said all of that outloud. Oops?
"You're concussed," Barnes filled in for him.
He was smiling fondly, and Tony wasn't really sure what to make of that, because he was at least 98% sure that Barnes hated his very existence.
He certainly didn't smile fondly at Tony. Ever.
"Um. Pep?" Tony asked, glancing at the door.
This was too weird, and when Tony was faced with things that were too weird, he needed Pepper. She always helped him to make sense of things.
"On her way," Rogers assured him, pulling the uncomfortable plastic hospital chair right up beside Tony's bed.
And then he did the oddest thing.
He wrapped both of his hands around one of Tony's, and lifted it to his mouth, to press a soft kiss against the palm.
Tony stared. What the bloody hell was going on? He tugged his hand away from Roger's gentle grip and held it protectively against his chest.
Rogers watched him with a wounded look in his eyes, but Tony couldn't care about that right now. Something was happening. Maybe he'd been thrown into a parallel universe, or something?
Usually, he wouldn't believe in anything quite so wild, but these days, anything was possible.
But he and Rogers didn't do this. Hell, it was weird enough to find the two Super Soldiers by his bedside.
Sure, they'd been trying to get on better in the aftermath of the 'Civil War', but there was a difference between 'not attempting to kill each other' and 'kissing hands in the hospital'.
"Tony… are you… alright?" Barnes asked, stretching out the sentence, as though he was worried about offending Tony. He perched himself on the end of Tony's bed, and added, "You're being… odd."
"Um. Pep?"
"She's on her way," Rogers reiterated, and oh, right, he'd already told Tony that.
Tony frowned. He really needed her to get there, like, right now, because something was going on and he didn't like it.
Before any of them could say anything else—and confuse Tony even more—there was a familiar click clack of heels, and then he saw a flash of red hair through the window that suggested Pepper had arrived.
Sure enough, a couple of seconds later, she swept through the doorway. She was as beautiful as she always was, and Tony smiled at her reflexively when, without even acknowledging Rogers or Barnes, she sat down on the side of Tony's bed and swept his hair from his forehead with a gentle hand.
"You've really got to give up face planting into buildings," she chided, shaking her head at him. "It's a terrible hobby, and you're going to give me grey hair."
"Sorry, Pep."
"Uh huh. You're okay? I know that you have a concussion, and bruised ribs, but do you feel okay?"
"Sore," Tony confirmed. "But, uh. Pep?"
"Hmm?"
"Why are Rogers and Barnes here?"
He'd meant to whisper, but for the silence in the room, he may as well have shouted the question. He heard two wounded noises coming from them, but he kept his eyes on Pepper.
He was expecting her to find it as weird as he did, but when she glanced at the soldiers, and then returned her eyes to Tony, he could see renewed concern and worry on her face.
"Why wouldn't they be here, sweetheart?" she asked, and he could hear the hesitation in her voice, and he didn't like it.
"I don't understand," Tony admitted, scowling as he looked down at his hands, because he was a genius dammit, and he didn't like not understanding things. Especially around people he didn't want to feel vulnerable in front of. "They shouldn't be here. They can barely even look at me most days."
Pepper tucked her fingers beneath his chin and made him look up at her. "Tones… you've been dating them for six months."
…
Steve sat outside of Tony's hospital room, his head resting in his hands. Bucky sat in the seat beside him, staring blankly at the wall, a subtle tremor running through his body.
Pepper was still inside with Tony, and two doctors, but the serum meant that Steve could hear every word of their conversation with no problems.
Amnesia.
Steve honestly thought that they'd had all of the bad luck that they could possibly get. Surely there had to be some sort of a balance to it? This might just be the thing to tip the scales entirely.
After everything they'd been through, both separately and together, Steve had hoped that the three of them could just have this one good thing.
He'd hoped that they'd be able to keep it.
And now…
A tear slipped down his cheek and splashed onto the linoleum floor.
Inside the hospital room, he could hear Tony denying their relationship, could hear him practically begging Pepper to tell him that they were all playing some kind of elaborate joke, and Steve hadn't believed that his heart could break any further, but it did.
The last six months had been some of the hardest, but best, of Steve's life. Making Tony believe that they loved him—that they truly wanted him—had been difficult, and it hadn't always been smooth sailing, but he'd thought that they'd finally managed it.
Tony had finally started to relax into the relationship, believe it when Bucky went to the lab just for a cuddle, or that Steve had brought him coffee just because he wanted to see him.
He'd started to realise that he was just as important to both of them, as they were to each other.
Now that was all gone, and they were right back at square one.
Steve didn't know if Bucky could go through it all again, especially when Tony was such an important cornerstone of his continued recovery.
Pepper stepped out of the room and then paused, just in front of them. Steve looked up and beside him, he felt Bucky do the same.
"I'm going to assume that you both heard all of that?" she asked, nodding her head back to Tony's room.
Steve nodded.
"They don't believe that it's permanent," she said softly. "But these things are tricky. He might not remember everything, and there's a small possibility that he'll never regain the memories that he's lost."
Steve swallowed hard. He'd heard it already, but hearing Pepper repeat it was almost more than he could take.
"He's scared," she added, quietly. "He'll never admit as much, of course, but I know him better than he knows himself, and he's terrified that he's missing almost an entire year of his life. You both need to take it easy on him, and let him come to you at his own pace. If you try to push him, he'll run, and he'll never stop running."
Steve knew that she was right, but the thought of just waiting was almost as bad as the idea that Tony might never get his memories back. Bucky shifted beside him, running his metal hand over his face.
His metal hand that Tony had lovingly, painstakingly built for him.
"Is there anything that we can do for him?" Bucky asked, his voice gravelly with emotion. Steve reached out and gripped his flesh hand tightly.
Pepper shook her head. "For now, just let him be. They're going to keep him here for observation, until the concussion is gone, and for once, he's not arguing about it. I'll stay with him until Rhodey gets here—he's on his way—and we'll take care of him between us for right now. If he gets his memories back, I'll call you."
Steve closed his eyes and leant his head back against the wall. "We'll stay out here for a while," he managed to force out. "I know—I know that he doesn't want us in there, but… it doesn't feel right to be going home without him."
Pepper seemed to soften. Steve knew that she still struggled to deal with the pair of them sometimes; her anger over the 'Civil War' hadn't fully abated yet. Steve didn't think it ever would completely, and he didn't blame her for that.
He was grateful to her that she was still keeping them in the loop, despite her own personal feelings.
"I can't stop you from staying here," she said quietly. "But you both know that he'll be mad that you haven't looked after yourself when he gets his memories back. You both look terrible. Food, and sleep, is definitely something you both need."
Bucky chuckled wetly, and when Steve looked at him, he could see the tears brimming in his eyes, just waiting to fall. "You're right. He would be mad about that."
Tony was always ragging on them to eat, especially after a battle. Their metabolisms being what they were, they did require a substantial amount of calories after the battle adrenaline wore off.
Pepper's lips tilted upwards, and she nodded her head. "Then go home and take care of yourselves. I have access to JARVIS, he'll alert you if there's anything new, or if anything changes, okay?"
Steve nodded, and then sighed heavily. She was right, as much as it pained him to even think about going home while Tony was laid up in a hospital bed.
At the mention of the AI, Bucky perked up. "Have you told him about JARVIS yet? Because with the timing of his amnesia… I don't think that he'll remember that he managed to fix him, and it'll be a bit of a shock for him if—"
"If he hears the voice of the AI that he thought was gone forever," Pepper agreed. "Good call. I'll make sure that he's told about it before he leaves the hospital. Thanks, Barnes."
She offered them one last smile, and then stepped away, back into Tony's room. Steve looked down to where his hand was still linked with Bucky's, and he squeezed it gently.
"Come on, Buck. Let's go and eat, and shower. We can come back later and sit out here, okay?"
Silently, Bucky let Steve prompt him to his feet and lead him down the long corridor to the main doors. Steve's legs felt like they were filled with concrete, and every step away from Tony made them feel heavier.
Nothing about this was right, and he could only pray to all of the gods that could possibly exist that Tony would regain his memories—and soon.
…
Tony lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He was still trying to make sense of what had happened, and his concussion really wasn't helping.
He just… couldn't imagine any situation in which he'd be dating the two Super Soldiers. Not least because the last that he could remember, they avoided him like the plague, and he returned the gesture with gusto.
They only really ever interacted during a battle, and even then, it was in short, clipped sentences over the comms, using code names only.
And now… they were dating?
Tony couldn't help but wonder if he really had fallen into a parallel universe. If that was the case, then it was bound to be Reed's fault. He liked to play with things that were best left alone and Tony had had to deal with the fallout more than once.
Logically, he knew that the multiverse was statistically unlikely to be the cause of his current situation. But, he thought that maybe it would be better. It would be a clearer explanation, at any rate. He hated feeling so confused and wrong footed.
Sighing, Tony closed his eyes. While he usually hated to be stuck in the hospital, he had to admit that this time, he was grateful for the reprieve.
At least here, he could ensure that there was a wall, and a door, between himself, Rogers, and Barnes. He didn't know a lot about Barnes, but he knew that Rogers had a stubborn streak a mile wide. If Cap wanted to be around Tony—if he wanted to continue pushing whatever this narrative was—then nothing would stop him.
Just before he fell asleep, Tony had the thought that maybe it was about time he did an international tour of the SI buildings.
He just wanted to be anywhere but here.
…
Apparently, Tony's goodwill towards Rogers and Barnes had extended to the rest of the Avengers' who'd sided with Cap when they'd split. During his time in the hospital, each one of them had visited at least once.
It was weird. Really weird. And uncomfortable. Tony wasn't quite sure what to say to any of them, especially since avoidance had been the whole sum of his relationships with them since they'd returned to the US.
Thankfully, once Rhodey had arrived late that first night after he'd woken up, he hadn't left, so Tony hadn't had to deal with any of the visits alone.
His Honeybear had been an absolute angel, especially when Bruce had appeared.
Tony hadn't known what to say to the other scientist. He had no memory of Bruce's return at all, so seeing him had been a shock that he hadn't expected.
Honestly, apart from Rhodey, Carol, Pepper and Stephen, the only other person that Tony had been even remotely comfortable around was Thor.
The God of Thunder was consistently himself; a wonderful thing for an amnesiac.
Though—in his memory at least—Tony hadn't seen Thor for a long time, it was easy to fall back into the familiar pattern of their friendship as though no time had passed at all.
The same way they always had.
Tony focused himself on not being too much of an asshole, and looked to Rhodey to fill in the gaps of awkwardness with the rest of the team, and it seemed to work.
Thankfully, Rogers and Barnes didn't try to return to Tony's room, though Rhodey did tell him that they were at the hospital almost the entire time that Tony was there.
Which was… something. Tony didn't really want to dwell on it.
…
"They're letting him go home today," Rhodes said, leaning against the wall beside the cafeteria table that Steve and Bucky had claimed as their own. "His concussion has all but cleared, and his ribs are healing well."
Steve smiled. No matter that Tony's memories had yet to resurface, it was still nice to hear that their genius was on the mend.
"Any progress with his memories?" Bucky asked, meeting Rhodes' eyes, and practically pleading wordlessly for Rhodes to give him some hope to hold onto.
They both knew the answer, though that didn't stop them each from deflating when Rhodes shook his head.
"Not yet, but it's only been a few days. These things can take time, you know? Try not to take it too hard."
"Not sure there's any other way to take it," Bucky admitted, looking down at the food he'd been pushing around his plate. "How is he doing though? I know that losing memories is… hard to deal with."
Steve swallowed hard at the reminder that Bucky had a lot of experience with memory loss. He knew that this kind of situation would be harder on Bucky, but he'd been selfishly trying not to think too deeply about why.
"He's okay," Rhodes replied, huffing slightly. "Slowly getting himself back together enough to annoy the shit out of the hospital personnel at any rate."
The two of them smiled slightly, because that was their Tony. He was always a little shit when he was in hospital.
"Anyway," Rhodes added. "I know what Pepper said about not pushing him, and I agree with her… for the most part. That said, I think that the two of you should be there when we take him home." He sighed. "You know that I wasn't… the most pleased when the three of you started dating, and honestly, I'm still not completely convinced that the two of you are good for him."
Steve opened his mouth to protest, but Rhodes held his hand up to stall him.
"However, I cannot deny that the two of you have made him happy. Happier than he's been for… a while. And I want that for him more than anything. Maybe seeing you in a familiar setting will help him to start remembering what he's missing."
"It's worth a try," Steve agreed.
At this point, he was willing to try anything that might bring Tony back into their arms.
…
Tony had quite the entourage when he finally left the hospital. He'd expected Rhodey to be there, obviously, and maybe even Pepper, but Clint, Natasha and Bruce were an unexpected addition when he finally stepped out of the hospital room.
He didn't say anything—unsure if there was actually anything to say—but he arched an unimpressed eyebrow at Rhodey for springing them on him with no warning.
Thankfully, there were two cars waiting, and while Tony, Pepper and Rhodey slipped into the car Happy had idling by the curbside, the others climbed into the one parked behind it.
"We're not going to the Tower?" he asked, when Happy pulled out into the traffic heading in the opposite direction.
"The Compound," Rhodey corrected softly. "We all live there again now, Tones. I told you that the other day."
"I, uh… I guess that I thought that given, uh, my memory being basically swiss cheese at this point, that we'd maybe, you know, stick to the Tower for a while?"
"The doctor recommended keeping things as they were before the accident, in the hopes of triggering the missing memories. So… Compound it is. I'll be there, Tones, and the bots are there waiting for you in the workshop. DUM-E has been insufferable while you've been in hospital. He's such a daddy's boy."
Tony nodded, and smiled slightly at the mention of his oldest bot. DUM-E never handled it well when Tony was away, and he knew that the bot would be clingy and needy for the coming days.
It was sweet.
"The whole team lives there full time?" he asked, just to be sure.
Before, he'd spend as little time at the Compound as possible, usually only one or two days a week, unless there was a battle that required him, so spending all of his time there seemed like a big jump.
It was still hard to believe that he could be around the team without feeling awkward, and wanted to escape.
"Most of us," Rhodey confirmed. "Stephen only drops by occasionally, since he has to spend a lot of his time at Kamar Taj, and Thor splits his time between us and Jane, but other than that, everyone is there most of the time."
"Right. I, uh…"
He cut himself off, and Pepper squeezed his hand. "It's going to be okay, Tones. You'll settle back in, and hopefully, the memories will start to resurface once you're somewhere familiar."
"I just… how did any of that… I mean… I don't—" frustrated, Tony cut himself off and shook his head.
He'd been having problems putting his thoughts into words, especially when the subject of Rogers and Barnes came up.
"I don't understand how everything changed so much," he tried again. I mean… why on earth did I think that a poly relationship with them was a good idea? I can barely handle dating one person, Pep, you know that! And with those two specifically? Barnes—okay, I know that he didn't have a choice, and it wasn't really him, I get it, I really go, but like… his hands were still the ones that killed my mother. What the fucking hell was I thinking?"
"Oddly enough, Barnes was the one that you struggled with the least," Rhodey replied softly. "I think it was because you realised that almost all of what he did was without agency. You found him easier to deal with. It took longer with Rogers."
"I guess that I just don't really understand the why, and I don't even want to contemplate the how. And yet…" Tony sighed. "There's something deep inside of me that… wants them. I keep looking around, and part of me just expects them to be there, and I'm disappointed when they're not."
"That's a good thing, Tony," Pepper said, her tone encouraging. "It means the memories aren't completely gone. A part of you knows how you feel about them, even if you don't quite remember it. It'll come."
Tony nodded and then turned his gaze out of the window. The worst thing, that he hadn't actually articulated to anyone, was that he wasn't sure if he wanted the memories back.
…
Stepping into the Compound was both familiar, and yet not. Hearing JARVIS' voice was incredible—and slightly overwhelming in the best way—because while Pepper had told him about it, it was still a lot to hear that familiar, British voice again.
"Welcome home, sir."
"Jay," Tony breathed out. "It's so good to hear your voice."
"I'm glad to see you too, sir."
Tony grinned at one of the cameras, and then frowned. "What about FRIDAY? Is she still installed too, or—"
"You gifted her to me," Pepper said, smiling at him. "She's connected to JARVIS, and she handles the SI side of things, while JARVIS is, as always, your babysitter, and a helping hand for the team."
Tony rolled his eyes at the term 'babysitter', and nodded his head. It made sense that he would have connected his two AI's, and he was glad that he hadn't just left FRIDAY to fester. While she hadn't advanced as far as JARVIS had over the years, she'd been getting better everyday, and he'd been proud of her.
They stepped into the communal area, and Tony stopped when he saw Rogers and Barnes sitting together on the sofa. The two of them were clearly trying to be casual about it, but Tony could see the tenseness in their bodies, could see the longing in their eyes when they looked at him, and he noticed the way that Barnes seemed to reach for him, before his arm fell back into his lap.
It made Tony feel uncomfortable, knowing that the two of them had apparently been dating him, had cuddled him, and kissed him, and probably done much more than that with him, and Tony had absolutely no memory of him.
It was a strange situation, and Tony had to acknowledge that it must be strange for them too. He nodded to them hesitantly, unsure of what to say.
"I'm glad that you're home, Tony," Rogers said quietly. "You're looking much better."
Tony nodded robotically. "Uh. Thanks."
"Have you been down to the workshop yet?" Barnes asked, his eyebrows raising slightly. "DUM-E has been hyper since we told him that you were coming home today. He's excited to see you."
"You, uh… you've been down to see my bots?" Tony asked, his brow furrowing slightly.
Barnes nodded. "Of course. They get lonely without you, and I didn't want them to be alone for too long. We had to assure them that you were okay."
The simplicity of what he'd said was almost too much for Tony to bear. That Barnes would go to the lab, strictly so that the bots didn't get lonely… it made Tony's heart ache in an unfamiliar-yet-familiar way.
"I uh, I should go and see them. Excuse me," he murmured, walking with purpose towards the elevator that would take him down to the workshop.
Rhodey and Pepper offered to go with him, but he shook his head. All he wanted to do was see his bots, talk to JARVIS, and pretend, just for a while, that everything was normal.
…
Bucky stared at the elevator long after the doors had closed, and hidden Tony from them. Steve sat beside him, knowing that there was nothing either of them could say to make them feel better.
"You know what we have to do, right?" Bucky offered, eventually, his voice livelier than it had been since Tony had first been knocked into the building.
"Hmm?"
"He fell in love with us once," Bucky said. "We can help him to do it again."
"Buck, he might get his memories back," Steve replied. "We don't—"
"And what if he doesn't?" Bucky demanded, sitting up straighter. "I won't lose him to this, Stevie. We love him, and even if he doesn't remember it, he loves us too."
Steve nodded, because he knew that. "We shouldn't push him, Buck. Pepper was right about that, we'll only end up chasing him away."
Bucky's eyes narrowed slightly at Steve. "I'm not going to sit around and wait for memories that might never return. I'm going to make my genius love me again. I miss him, Stevie, and I know that you do too. He's ours, as we're his, and… I need him."
Steve bit his lip, thinking. He knew that Bucky was right, but also knew that Pepper hadn't been wrong when she'd said that Tony would run, if they pushed him too hard. He hated the conflicted feelings, but this was too important to get wrong.
Tony was too important for them to make mistakes. Steve had promised him, pressed the words into Tony's shoulder, that he'd never hurt him again.
He refused to go back on his word—even if that meant hurting himself in the process.
"We can't push him," he said eventually, hating the way that it made Bucky's face fall. "But we can be there with him—for him—as much as he'll let us."
"What if he won't let us?" Bucky asked, the fight leaving him as quickly as it had arrived.
"Then we wait. He'll get his memories back, Buck. I have to believe that, and so do you. He'll remember that he loves us. He'll remember we love him."
Bucky pressed his face against Steve's chest, his body shaking slightly as he let go of the pent up pain and fear of the last few days. Steve held him as he cried, rocked him slightly and ignored the tears falling down his own face.
"He'll remember, Buck. He has too. I don't know what we'll do if he doesn't."
…
"Hey honey, think that you can take a break?" Bucky asked, his hands settling on Tony's shoulders. "We're going to watch a Disney movie with Thor, and I know how much you enjoy his reactions."
Tony leant back against Bucky's chest, twisting his neck to look at his soldier. "Hmm. Can you give me… twenty minutes?"
"Of course," Bucky agreed, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to Tony's lips. "We're not starting for about half an hour, but I wanted to give you a chance to finish up whatever you're doing."
"Just when I think that you can't get anymore perfect," Tony teased, and Bucky smiled down at him, and it was—
A hand on Tony's shoulder broke Tony out of the—memory? Flashback? He didn't know—and Tony looked up to see Rhodey standing beside him, a small smile on his face.
"I, uh, I think that I saw a bit of a memory?" Tony murmured quietly, rubbing a hand over his face. "I don't know. It was Barnes, and me, here. He, uh, we seemed comfortable."
Rhodey took a seat on the battered sofa in the workshop, and nodded his head. "I'm not surprised, he spent quite a lot of time down here with you. Is that the first memory you've gotten back?"
Tony twisted his lips slightly. "I'm not sure. I had… dreams last night. I guess they could have been memories, in context. I just… it's hard to believe that they're real. It just doesn't make any sense."
Rhodey sighed. "I wish I knew how to help you with this, Tones."
"Can you just… how did it start? Because I'm very stuck on that, you know?"
Chuckling, Rhodey nodded. "I can see that. It was slow, and I don't know the exact moment that it started. You know my rules on romantic gushing Tones, there are some things that I just really don't need to know about."
Tony snorted.
"You saved Barnes' life—pulled a stupid stunt to do it, too—and he yelled at you for it. It was quite a sight to see, actually."
"He yelled at me for saving his life?" Tony asked, brow furrowing. "Why?"
"Because you put yourself into danger to do it. He was fuming that you'd gotten hurt to save him, and he wasn't shy about letting you know that. He stayed with you the whole time that you were in medical, to make sure that you didn't try to escape before you were patched up."
"I bet Rogers loved that," Tony muttered, wincing when he heard how bitter he sounded. "So then, he what? Decided to court me and dragged his boyfriend along for the ride?"
"I don't think that it was a conscious decision at first," Rhodey admitted. "But after that, Barnes made more of an effort to seek you out, and you let him. You didn't turn him away from the workshop, and he never stopped coming. After a while, Rogers started tagging along with him, and you never said that he couldn't."
Tony nodded and then leant back in his seat. He supposed that it made sense that it had been a gradual thing. He often got so distracted that it wasn't beyond belief to think that they'd just… slipped into his life like that.
"Okay, so that's how the avoidance stopped," he murmured, after a long pause. "We were friends?"
"I think that it built into a friendship," Rhodey replied, nodding his head. "You and Rogers… it's always been all or nothing for the two of you. It wasn't really a surprise that you went from avoiding each other, to spending so much time together."
Tony blinked at his best friend. He supposed that he could see the point, but the extremes between himself and Rogers had always seemed to edge more towards the bad extremes than the good.
Not that Tony could, or would, blame that solely on Rogers—Tony had made plenty of his own mistakes, and he would always own that—but Tony had to admit that he struggled to think about being on good terms with Steve.
Even when they'd been friends, there had always been an edge of something darker to their relationship.
"You'll get your memories back, Tones. The fact that you're already seeing flashes of them is a good sign, you know?"
Tony looked up at Rhodey, and twisted his hands together. "What if I don't want them back?"
Rhodey sighed. "Nobody can force you to do anything that you don't want to do—even if you do get your memories back. You know that I'm here for you, right? I'm on your side, Tones, I always have been, and I always will be."
"I know that," Tony admitted. "I love you, Honeybear."
"I love you too, Tones. Anyway, I came down to get you for movie night. Are you up for it?"
Tony hesitated. "I… uh…"
"You can sit with me, and we'll heckle Clint's movie choice," Rhodey cajoled, smiling. "I'll even let you have salty popcorn, you little heathen."
Chuckling, Tony nodded. "Alright, you've convinced me."
…
The room was full by the time Tony and Rhodey stepped out of the elevator, and Tony's eyes seemed to automatically look at the sofa, where Rogers and Barnes were sitting.
Tony giggled, throwing a piece of popcorn in the air for Steve to catch in his mouth. Tony was leaning back against Bucky's chest, pressed between the two soldiers on the two-man sofa. It was a squish, but it was a good squish.
Clint made gagging sounds from his own seat, and Bucky threw a pillow at him, his sniper aim landing it right on target, making Tony laugh even more.
Snuggling down between the two soldiers, Tony gestured to the TV. "Come on then, Legolas, horrify us with your movie choice."
Tony wavered on his legs as the memory made him ache.
"Tony?" Bucky asked, watching the genius through worried eyes. "Are you okay?"
Tony swallowed hard and nodded his head, then let Rhodey lead him to a wide armchair. Rhodey sat down first, and then pulled Tony down into his lap. Tony shifted, so that he was lying crossways, his head on one arm, his legs draped over the other.
"Another memory?" Rhodey asked quietly, though Tony didn't doubt that the Super Soldiers heard him.
Silently he nodded his head once, and then curled in a little, so that he was leaning more heavily against his best friend, his eyes on the TV.
…
Steve watched with barely concealed jealousy as Rhodes led a sleepy Tony from the communal room. Usually, it would be Steve's job to carry his boyfriend to bed after he inevitably fell asleep during movie night, and he hated that he hadn't been able to do it.
"At least he came, right?" Clint asked, breaking the heavy silence in the room. "That's… probably progress?"
"He's starting to remember," Steve said, finally turning away from the door that Tony and Rhodey had exited through. "He remembered something when he came into the room earlier, and Rhodes asked him if it was 'another' memory."
"He'll get there, Steve," Natasha said, her tone softer than usual. "Hopefully sooner rather than later. It's hard for all of us to see him like this again."
Steve felt a wave of shame. He hadn't really considered how hard it would be for the rest of the team for Tony to be avoiding them again. They'd all worked exceptionally hard—Tony included—to rebuild the team, the family, that they'd been before, and it was obviously hurting all of them to have Tony retreat away from them, even if they understood why.
Bruce, especially, had been watching Tony with the expression of a kicked puppy on his face when Tony didn't automatically sweep over to talk to him whenever the two of them were in the same room.
"Have faith, my friends," Thor said, gazing over them all. "The memories of the Man of Iron may have been lost, but our friend is still with us. Should his memories not return, then we will recreate the bond between us once more."
Steve saw Bucky nodding from the corner of his eye, and he wondered if he actually believed that they could.
Steve wasn't so sure.
…
Stepping back into the Tower brought a wealth of relief to Tony. There was just something so right about being back there, and he relaxed properly for the first time since he'd left the hospital as the elevator rose up through the floors to the penthouse.
He'd travelled into the city to see Pepper, and to take a look at what R had been messing up in his absence, but the overwhelming relief of being away from the Compound had made those reasons secondary to his just having a little bit of peace.
Stepping into the penthouse, Tony froze. There weren't a lot of differences to the last time that Tony remembered being there, but the differences that he could see were enough to make him pause.
A jacket that Tony knew was Steve's hung amongst Tony's own, and there was a design photo on the wall of Bucky's metal arm.
Tony stepped forwards cautiously, looking around for any other things that were out of place. His heart stuttered in his chest for every minor thing he saw, and once again, he swayed on his feet as he was assaulted with a memory.
Tony leant into Steve's side, watching Bucky pottering around in the kitchen.
"You know that you didn't have to come up here, right? I'm only going to be here for a few days, you could have both stayed home."
Steve kissed the tip of Tony's nose and smiled down at him. "Wherever you are is our home, sweetheart."
Tony blinked, and put out a hand to steady himself against the wall. He'd thought that the Tower would be free of the memory flashes. He'd thought it would be safe. He hadn't realised that they had been here with him, and it was unnerving to know that, even here, he'd let them in.
He staggered over to the sofa, and fell down, face first, into the plush cushions.
It didn't seem to matter where he went, they'd moved into his life at every turn, leaving him floundering without his memories to give him the context to trust anything.
They looked at him like they loved him, and something deep inside Tony told him that the feeling was absolutely mutual, but he couldn't bring himself to open up to them. He didn't know how he'd found the strength to do it the first time around.
"Sir," JARVIS said, his tone soft. "Your meeting with Miss Potts is due to start in twenty minutes."
Tony nodded. "Okay, Jay. Tell FRIDAY that I'll be there in fifteen minutes."
…
Tony woke up suddenly. For a moment, he wasn't sure why, but then he heard the ringer on his phone start up and realised that he must have missed a call already. Clumsily, he reached out for it and answered without checking the caller ID.
"H'lo?"
"Tony?"
Tony nearly dropped the phone when Steve's panicked voice sounded in his ear. Suddenly wide awake, he asked, "What's wrong?"
"Bucky was in the gym, and I don't know what happened, but he's in so much pain with his arm. I wouldn't have disturbed you, but nobody knows how to help him, and he's crying, Tony, and I just—"
"Hey, it's okay," Tony interrupted. "Is he there with you right now?"
"Yes."
"Okay, in the panel on his forearm, there's a deadswitch. Bucky has a small set of tools that he keeps with him at all times, so get that from him."
Tony could hear muffled conversation, followed by the rustling of movement, and then Steve was back, confirming that he had the tools. Tony talked him through opening up the panel, and switching the nerve connections off, so that the pain would stop.
In the background, he could hear Bucky's gasps of pain, and then his sheer relief when the arm was turned off.
"Tony, thank you," Steve said, his tone calmer now that he wasn't listening to Bucky's pain. "I'm really sorry for waking you up. I just… I didn't know what else to do."
"It's fine," Tony replied automatically.
Now that he wasn't working on autopilot, he was stuck on the fact that he'd known exactly what to do. He had absolutely no memory of making that arm, and he pointedly hadn't looked at the plans for it on his server. He also certainly didn't have any memory of giving Bucky a set of tools for emergencies, so how had he known?
"I'll get myself sorted, and then fly back to the Compound and take a look at it," Tony added, when he realised how long he'd been silent for. "I'll be a couple of hours."
"Oh." Steve sounded surprised. "That would be great. I know that you're not due back until tomorrow evening. I'm sure Buck can manage until then, if you—"
"That arm weighs a fucking tonne," Tony replied, rolling his eyes. "I won't leave him to heft it around as dead weight, Steve. I'll see you in a couple of hours."
"I… okay, Tony. Thank you."
Tony ended the call and threw his phone onto the bed, slumping back against the pillows. He didn't question the warm feeling in his chest, and instead, just pulled a pillow over his face and groaned loudly.
Fucking Super Soldiers.
…
"He called me Steve."
Bucky looked up to see Steve staring down at the phone in his hand, a look of surprised wonder on his face. "What?"
"Tony. He called me Steve! And he called you Bucky!"
Bucky blinked. "Those are our names, punk."
"He's been calling us by our surnames," Steve replied, rolling his eyes. "And don't try and tell me that you haven't noticed, because I see you flinch every time he does it."
Bucky's eyes widened, and his cheeks flushed slightly. "Did you, uh, notice that he knew exactly where the deadswitch was, too? He should haven't known that."
Steve nodded. "And he knew about the mini toolkit he gave you."
"Did he say if he could fix it for me?" Bucky asked, shifting slightly and wincing at the weight that pulled on his shoulder.
"Oh," Steve blushed. "Sorry. He's flying back tonight. He said that he'll just be a couple of hours. I, uh, I got distracted because he didn't call me 'Rogers', sorry, Buck."
Huffing, clearly amused, Bucky couldn't help but smile widely at Steve. "You know what this means, right?"
"Hmm?"
"He still cares, Stevie. Even without his memories, he knew exactly how to ease my pain, and he's coming home earlier than he planned to fix me up. Even without knowing how much he loves us, he still cares."
…
Tony stepped into the workshop, unsurprised to see Steve sitting on the sofa beside Bucky. He'd had JARVIS alert the Super Soldiers when he was almost back, and asked them to meet him down there.
What he didn't expect to see was DUM-E and U with them, apparently carefully wrestling over a spanner.
Tony stood close to the door for a long moment, just watching them, until DUM-E realised that he was back and immediately abandoned the spanner to spin over to Tony, beeping cheerfully in greeting, his claw carefully gripping at Tony's t-shirt.
It was always gratifying to know how much his bots loved him, and he smiled down at him as he ran his hand along DUM-E's strut.
"Have you been entertaining our guests, Dum-Dum?"
DUM-E beeped enthusiastically, spinning around on the spot.
Tony chuckled. "Alright, alright, how about you let me get some work done now, hmm? Are you going to be my helper bot?"
DUM-E beeped again. "Okay, first thing first then, how about you go and help U and Butterfingers clean up, hmm? And then you can come and help me?"
DUM-E joined his siblings, and Tony glanced over at the soldiers to see them both watching him with warm fondness evident in their expressions.
"Come on then, Snowflake, let's have a—
Tony cut himself off when he realised what he'd said, and he felt his cheeks heat up as he blushed. To his credit, Bucky didn't smile too widely as he clambered off the sofa, and sat down in the chair beside Tony's own, his arm setting down on the table with a clunk.
Shaking himself out of his embarrassment at the slip, Tony joined Bucky by the table, and arranged some tools, as JARVIS pulled up the specs for the arm on a hologram. As much as Tony seemed to remember the details, he didn't want to mess anything up as he worked, just because he thought he knew what he was doing.
The silence as he worked was comfortable, and Bucky seemed utterly relaxed under Tony's careful fingers, which was a revelation of its own.
Tony's memories of Bucky flinching at the mere mention of being in the workshop were fresh in his mind, after all.
Finally, hours that felt like mere minutes later, Tony closed the last panel up and gestured for Bucky to do a series of arm movements. Glancing over at the sofa, Tony realised that Steve was fast asleep, his mouth open slightly, and a thin trail of drool at the corner of his lips.
It was oddly adorable.
"He hasn't been sleeping well lately," Bucky murmured softly, following Tony's gaze with his own eyes for a moment, before he turned back to the genius.
"I know the feeling," Tony replied quietly, as he watched Bucky's arm movements critically, checking for any sticking, or grinding.
"How are you doing, sweetheart?" Bucky asked, turning his full attention to Tony. "I know that missing memories are never fun, how are you holding up with it all?"
Tony stared at Bucky for a minute. "I, uh. I guess you can empathise more than most."
Bucky's lips tilted up when he nodded his head.
"I can. The situations are also very different though, and I can't imagine how hard it is for you, having to be around all of us, knowing that you're missing the last year. Especially given how much has changed."
"I've started remembering things," Tony offered. "It's just flashes of memories right now, and then don't… I guess that they don't really make sense to me, but I'm getting them."
"Yeah? You wanna tell me about them?"
Tony bit his lip. "It's just like… little moments. Like, I remembered sitting on the sofa between the two of you, throwing popcorn into Steve's mouth. And I remembered you coming down here to see me while I was working. I have flashes of us eating together, and doing random, everyday stuff. And, uh, I had one at the Tower, of you coming with me for the weekend?"
Bucky smiled fully, and Tony couldn't help but think that it was beautiful.
"It's weird, you know," he continued. "It's like… I still… I have feelings that don't really make sense, even though I know that they'd make sense if I still had my memories? I keep looking around and just… expecting you to be there, and it feels really weird when you're not, but then it feels weird because it feels weird. I don't—" Tony shook his head. "It's just a lot."
"We'll wait for as long as it takes, you know?" Bucky offered quietly. "And we'll take whatever you can give us. This situation sucks so hard, because all we want to do is gather you up between us where you belong, and keep you there. But… even without the memories… you're still ours, Tony. We're still yours. We'll be yours until you can tell us unequivocally that you don't want us."
"I feel bad," Tony admitted. "I can see how much it hurts you when I don't… I can see how much this is hurting you. I don't want to be the cause of that. I think… sometimes, I think that maybe it would be better if you gave up."
Bucky arched his eyebrow. "Would you?"
"Would I… what?"
"Give up?" Bucky explained. "If, say, Pepper or Rhodey lost their memories of you. Would you give up, or would you wait as long as it took to get them back?"
"I understand what you're saying," Tony admitted, leaning back in his chair. "I just… I don't want to be the cause of more hurt, and if I don't get my memories back, you're just going to be hurting all of the time, and it'll be my fault."
Bucky reached out and squeezed his hand. "Don't worry about us. We're big boys, and we can handle it, okay? Just… focus on yourself, Tones. We're not going anywhere."
The Avengers alarm sounded through the Compound at that moment, startling both Tony and Bucky.
Steve, on the other hand, simply fell off the sofa.
…
"Okay, seriously, why is it always him?" Clint complained, stretching himself out in the uncomfortable chair in the waiting area.
"Because he's a reckless arsehole," Rhodes grumbled, from his own seat. "And because even without his memories, when he loves, he loves hard."
Steve swallowed hard, and stared down at his hands. He knew that Rhodes wasn't trying to make him feel guilty, but he was feeling it anyway. It was his fault that Tony was, once again, laid up in a hospital bed.
He'd gotten distracted and almost paid the price for it. Tony had noticed and flown in to save him, only to be blasted backwards into a wall. The way that Tony had screamed his name was on repeat in Steve's mind, and he knew that the panicked tone would be a feature in his nightmares for a long time to come.
Raised voices came from the corridor, and Steve looked up in time to see the doctor appear in the doorway.
"Mr Stark is awake, and is demanding the presence of Steve and Bucky," the doctor said flatly, very clearly annoyed.
Rhodes snorted, because the doctor was new, and clearly was not used to dealing with Superheroes who didn't handle hospitals very well.
Steve and Bucky were on their feet and herding the doctor towards the room, stepping around him when he didn't move fast enough for their taste.
As soon as Steve stepped into the room, the genius reached out for him. "Are you okay? Did you get hurt?"
"I'm fine," Steve assured him softly, squeezing Tony's hand comfortingly. "I promise. Not even a scratch."
Tony eyed him critically for a moment, and then looked at Bucky over Steve's shoulder. "And you, Snowflake? You're okay?"
Bucky stared at him for a long moment, until Tony blushed fetchingly.
"You've gotten your memories back."
It wasn't a question, but Tony nodded his head sheepishly. "As it turns out, apparently I just needed another knock to the noggin?"
Steve laughed, relief and quite possibly mild hysteria running through him, and he shifted forwards to press a kiss to Tony's lips, smiling into it when Tony kissed him back with no hesitation.
A whine behind him made him move out of the way, and Bucky moved closer as Tony made grabby hands at him, his metal hand reaching up to stroke Tony's hair.
"We missed you, baby."
The two Super Soldiers sat on each side of Tony's bed, crowding him in the middle, as they each took one of his hands in their own.
"M'sorry," Tony mumbled. "I know that it must have been hell for both of you. I know how hard you've worked to make me believe that we could work."
"Hey, no need for apologies," Bucky chided gently. "I told you that we would have waited for as long as it took, didn't I? I meant it, kitten. You're a little bit stuck with us now, I'm afraid."
Tony smiled a little shyly, and Steve couldn't stop himself from leaning over to press a soft kiss to his cheek.
"I'm so glad that you're okay."
Nodding, Tony glanced at the door, and then grinned. "So… are you gonna break me out of here, or what?"
…
Steve shifted on the bed, careful of Tony's bruises.
The genius was lying between him and Bucky, fast asleep despite his assurances that he would have been absolutely fine to go straight to the workshop, to get some work done.
Bucky smiled at him from the other pillow, before his own eyes closed, an air of contentment about him that had been missing since the last time Tony had laid between them.
Steve smiled to himself.
"I love you," he whispered against Tony's hair, pressing a kiss to his temple.
Tony wriggled slightly in his sleep, and turned his head to press his face against Steve's neck, his hand gripping his shirt.
With their genius back where he belonged between them, Steve let himself drift off to sleep.
He didn't have nightmares.