Chapter 7 - The Padawan

Ahsoka's been waiting for the day she's finally got taken as a padawan for so long. She just never imagined to hear from Master Yoda that she's going to be Master Kenobi's padawan. Which means that maybe she'll get a chance to be around Anakin again. It's been months since she last saw him now, ever since he went out to fight. Everything is different with the war. In some ways she doesn't like it at all.

But either way, she's itching to get out on her first mission as a padawan. This is what she's been prepared for fourteen years and she's long past ready.

Too bad she can't push the ship carrying her to Christophsis a little faster with the Force.

She's practically bouncing with excitement when the shuttle lands and the ramp opens.

Strange bluish-aqua structures – it's a mineral of some kind – rise out of the ground across the entire landscape. It's the first planet she's seen other than Coruscant and Ilum and it looks cool.

The Republic troops are gathered near the shuttle – some clone army they pulled out of seemingly nowhere that she never understood or much cared to hear the details about – but her gaze is drawn instantly to Anakin and General Kenobi, who are approaching the ramp. Both of them look different now, with pieces of armor over their Jedi robes.

Anakin was given Jedi robes since he couldn't wear his Sith robes forever. The robes he wars now are still dark ones, in a way that always reminds Ahsoka of what he used to be even if he isn't anymore.

"Ahsoka?!" Anakin asks, eyes widening in shock.

"Anakin!" she exclaims, darting down the ramp, skidding to a stop only a few paces ahead of him only because she's not comfortable hug tackling him when they have an audience. She knows Master Kenobi must care about Anakin but she doesn't know if he would have a problem with her being close to him, the way everyone else does. She can't help wondering if her closeness with Anakin is the reason no one's taken her as a padawan yet. She can't ignore the bitterness deep inside her whenever she thinks about how everyone's always acted about their relationship.

It's been so long, it feels like another lifetime that they got to spend so much time together, just having fun.

"What are you doing here?" he inquires.

"Master Yoda sent me," Ahsoka explains, "There's been an emergency."

"We're having an emergency right here," Anakin informs her with a sigh. "The Council doesn't know we're in need of more supplies?"

"Master Yoda hadn't heard from you so he sent me to deliver the message," she replies.

Both of them practically deflate.

"We are no position to go anywhere until we settle things here," Master Kenobi informs.

Which is how they end up sending a transmission through the cruiser that just dropped her off. Apparently, they'll still have to take Christophsis before going anywhere. Ahsoka circles around to stand next to Anakin as she waits for the call to be over.

"I think it's time for a proper introduction," Master Kenobi starts, once it does end.

"I thought we knew each other already," Ahsoka snips.

She doesn't quite know what to decipher of the look Master Kenobi gives her. She wasn't being rude!

"Anakin, Ahsoka is to be my new padawan."

His eyes go wide. "You're – you're taking a padawan?"

"I wasn't intending to, but the Council is insisting. There aren't enough masters to take padawans recently."

Because they're all dying.

Ahsoka doesn't know how to feel about that. She knows Jedi die sometimes but it's different when so many are.

Nor can she quite smother the sting of – of the fact that Obi-Wan didn't want her either. He just took her because he had to. That shouldn't hurt so much but it kind of does. He seemed to want to train Anakin, who isn't even a Jedi in the first place. Not that Ahsoka isn't happy about that but it just – Sort of feels like Master Kenobi is hardly even looking at her. "Anakin, why don't you show Ahsoka around and get her introduced?" he says.

That's what she means.

Anakin lays a hand on her shoulder. "Come on, Snips," he says, leading her away.

The moment they're out of sight of everyone else, Anakin pulls her into a hug. She throws her arms around him, squeezing him back tightly. His hugs are always warm and crushing and fill her with a warmth that nothing else does. He's so intense it's genuinely hard to be around him for extended periods sometimes. But it's also practically addicting.

It was true when he was younger but it seems even more true now that he's older.

"I missed you," Ahsoka whispers, voice muffled by his shoulder.

He's lightly resting his chin on the top of her montrals, stroking a hand along her back. "I missed you too, Snips."

"I didn't know when I'd see you again," she mumbles.

"I can't say I approve that they are sending padawans into all this but I am glad you are here."

"I can handle it," Ahsoka insists. She's trained as a padawan and she's tired of everyone acting like she's not ready. She doesn't know why no wants her as a padawan.

If she's being honest, she can't help wondering what it would be like if she could be Anakin's padawan but she can't be because he's not a Jedi. Has to wonder what he would be like if he was one, though. He's always so intense.

"I don't know if anyone is ever truly ready to face war," he tells her seriously, the playfulness he's been showing slipping away. "But I will show you around. If you're going to be here, you will have to be ready."

She knows that. And she's going to prove that she is. She's a padawan now. Almost a Jedi Knight. She knows what she's doing!

**w**

"Don't worry about us, sir. We can handle it."

Rex's final words on Teth when Ahsoka insisted that Anakin leave the clones behind so they could get to Tatooine keep replaying through Anakin's mind. He has no idea how many of them are going to be left by the time this is over. Those are his men and they're dying and he just left him. And he promised Rex he would never do that, that they were just as important as the mission.

He's not upset at Ahsoka but he doesn't understand why the mission is the only thing the Jedi seem to care about sometimes, even if there's lives at stake. Sidious was even worse in that way.

Maybe the problem is that Anakin's incapable of understanding either the Jedi or Sith way because he doesn't belong anywhere. Maybe it's because the only place he belongs is – is as the slave of whoever's holding his leash.

He can't believe the Jedi agreed to get involved in a mission like this in the first place.

He's being sent to rescue a slaver's child, the very same slaver who ruled the planet his mother died a slave on.

He never imagined anything would lead him back to Tatooine but... here he is.

The twin suns, still high in the bright blue sky, beat down on them, the familiar heat already stifling as he and Ahsoka walk to the edge of the crashed ship, overlooking the endless dunes of sand.

Uncalled for, memories swim in front of Anakin's eyes.

Of the days he woke up every morning to see the two suns burning overhead.

Of the days he'd work in Watto's shop.

Of the days he had friends and would play with Kitster after work.

And most of all, of the days back when his mother was there. When she'd tell him bedtime stories every night. He hardly remembers her face anymore and it cuts deeply to his core, burning far hotter than the twin suns ever could.

He may have another... parent now, but nothing can change that Mom is gone forever.

"How are we ever going to find Jabba's palace?" Ahsoka grumbles, jumping into the sand below, her padawan braid swinging by her lekku.

He still can't believe she's Obi-Wan's padawan. At least they'll finally be together again. Nothing matters more than that, not after how long they've been apart. He's gotten used to it but maybe it's finally something neither of them will have to be used to anymore.

It was just... unexpected that Obi-Wan would suddenly agree to take one when he's refused the Council all these eyers... Times are changing, though. He knows that. But it's just...

"I know how to get there," Anakin says, jumping to the ground next to Ahsoka, the sand swirling around their boots.

She looks up at him, frowning slightly. "How do you know?"

"I used to live here." The world feels like it's coming in from far away. This is another piece of his past he thought would be left in the past but it's coming back to haunt him again. It feels like – like...

"Here?" she echoes, blue eyes going wide, "This – this is where Sidious took you?"

He nods. "I lived... not far from where we're heading."

Doesn't want to think about that place. He never even got the chance to bury Mom. Sidious dragged him out of there, kicking and clawing and yowling and she was left there – probably to be eaten by anoobas the same way that happens to so many slaves who die here.

Ahsoka scrambles to catch up to him, taking his hand.

He squeezes it back, affection flaring through him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asks.

"I hardly remember her anymore," he replies, gaze rooted on the endless tracks of sand in front of him, even as he tightens his grip on Ahsoka's hand. "I never wanted to forget but it's been so long."

Ahsoka's grip on his hand tightens. "Maybe we can talk about something else. Like the sand."

The sand? "It's course and rough and irritating and it goes everywhere," he supplies. "You have no idea how hard it was to shake it out of my fur all the time." It was so itchy it was genuinely a nightmare.

Ahsoka laughs. "I liked playing in it at the Temple."

"I nearly died in a sandstorm once," Anakin informs her dryly.

She winces. "Oh."

"How have classes been?" Anakin asks, mostly to divert the topic away from himself. He doesn't want to think about it when all he can remember are the days he used to live here.

"I thought I'd be taken as a padawan a long time ago," she replies, "All of my friends already were."

"That only means you had more time to be prepared for the war," he offers but he knows why she's so upset.

"But I wasn't even taken now because someone wanted me," she grumbles sullenly, dragging her foot a bit dramatically in the sand.

Anakin pauses, the full realization of why she's seemed so grumpy recently starting to sink in. She's obviously been trying to prove that she's ready to be a padawan and the fact that Obi-Wan keeps sending her off with him probably isn't helping the situation very much.

"Obi-Wan will come around," Anakin assures her, "He's... simply busy with the war. He might not have chosen you as a padawan but that doesn't mean he doesn't want you. You have a lot of skill, Ahsoka. You have what you need to be a padawan."

Ahsoka nods, though she still doesn't look very happy.

It'll take both of them time to adjust to everything that's changed.

But at least he has his little sister now. Even if being back on Tatooine makes him afraid again that he's going to lose her someday too. It feels like that inevitably happens.

But – but...

He's the sun dragon. That's what his mother always told him. He's supposed to be strong enough to protect everyone he loves and maybe he failed Mom and Maul, but he was young then. He's older now. More skilled. He won't let that happen again, whatever it takes.

"That gives me an idea," Anakin muses. "We can get to the palace a lot faster if I'm a wolf." He transforms without waiting for her opinion, flicking his tail in a gesture for her to climb onto his back. She doesn't hesitant, swinging on and wrapping her arms around his neck. She's a lot heavier than she used to be.

"You sure this is comfortable?" she asks.

"It's fine. As long as you help me get the sand out of my fur later."

Ahsoka laughs. "I promise!"

Anakin breaks into a run, the sand whipping up around his paws –he tries to ignore how itchy and irritating the grains sticking to his fur are already – but at least they'll get to the palace much faster. Maybe they'll even be able to avoid any Separatist forces this way.

**w**

It's been months since Ahsoka became a padawan but she still sometimes feels like she has no idea what she's doing.

But maybe that's because she's not doing what she ever trained to do at the Temple. She didn't train to be a soldier, even if that's essentially what Obi-Wan's had Anakin teach her to be – because he doesn't spend much time around her personally even months later.

"You directly disobeyed my orders. Your actions were reckless and foolish, padawan. Had you followed orders and pulled back when I told you too, you wouldn't have lost so many."

Obi-Wan's words echo through her mind again – from the space battle over Ryloth. It was the first space battle she led. She was just trying to prove she could do it. She knows she was being stupid but that doesn't mean being yelled at afterwards when she already knew it hadn't hurt.

Anakin had interrupted, asking Obi-Wan to let him handle it.

She's still feeling unreasonably bitter that it feels like – like Anakin gets far more attention than her when she's the padawan. And it's not that she's upset that he has someone to take care of him but she just –

She feels so lost sometimes. Like she can't fit into what she's supposed to be as a Jedi anymore and maybe hasn't been able to for years, ever since she first met Anakin. She wishes Anakin was her master. He's the one who gives her all the attention every second that they're together. Sometimes she doesn't even care that Obi-Wan doesn't but other times, well...

But that's not half of what's bothering her right now, as she stands in the middle of the destruction on the surface. Clones are injured everywhere. Deaths because of her. They followed her orders, just like in the space battle and even if she was following directions this time, she still got them killed. She's supposed to protect people, not – not this. Any of this. It doesn't feel like she's helping anything. The guilt is smothering her and she's so... tired of this. She didn't want to fight. She didn't want any of this.

Ahsoka slowly approaches one of the clones, sitting next to him and taking his hand. She doesn't remember his name but she still cares that he's dying and it's because she gave the orders in their last attack. He's in this condition because of her.

Their surroundings are full of smoke, so she can't see far but then Anakin steps out of the smoke, moving towards her. "Snips? Come on. There's more Separatist droids approaching. The battle's not over yet."

She doesn't want to move. There's still a battle to fight but she's so tired of fighting. Of all of this. This isn't what she thought being a padawan would mean.

She doesn't want to keep getting back up and fighting. Maybe it's just a mood but she's so tired of this. She got how many people killed since coming to Ryloth? And it's not like it's getting them any closer to winning. It's just senseless fighting with no end in sight.

"Is there a problem?" Anakin asks, approaching her.

She stands reluctantly. "We lost so many."

He nods, expression softening. "There's always a price to be paid."

She knows that and it doesn't help. "This is because of me," Ahsoka replies miserably, "They were following my orders. I got them killed."

Anakin lays a hand on her back, guiding her a few steps away from the injured clones. "It's the price of war, little one," he says softly, "And with the role the Jedi have now, it's their job to lead. That doesn't mean we don't make mistakes."

"But our mistakes cost lives!" she bursts out, "That doesn't bother you?"

"Of course it does," he replies, "But this is the price of war."

"This... this isn't what I trained for," she says, throwing a look around at the sheer destruction surrounding them. She doesn't know how to do this.

"This may not have been what the Jedi were ever meant to do but we have to adjust to the times. You have to learn to be a soldier, to survive."

She knows that but that's not what she wants to hear right now. "What if I want to stop fighting?" she asks bitterly. Doesn't really mean to say it but she's tired of this and it never feels like she can do enough to make Obi-Wan actually proud of her. She knows he's stressed with the war but it feels like half his problems are her fault somehow.

"If you're going to survive this war, you're going to have to fight," Anakin tells her, expression shifting to seriousness, "Fighting is the only way to do it, even if it's hard."

"How? I don't see it helping anyone. All we're doing is destroying. It feels like we're just making things worse."

"Sometimes destruction is a part of justice, to make things right. I know you want it to end but... if we don't fight, then we die."

"Are you just saying that because you're a Sith? Because that's all Sith are good at?" she blurts.

Has no idea why she said it a second later from the way Anakin's expression flickers with a flare of hurt.

He doesn't get the chance to respond either, because an explosion rings out a ways off, lighting up the smoke and he turns away, drawing his lightsaber and taking off.

...Why did she even say that?

**w**

He doesn't have time to feel in the heat of battle but that doesn't mean Anakin can quite stop remembering thar argument with Ahsoka, at least not the moment they cut through the next advancing group of droids.

"Because that's all Sith are good at?"

He doesn't want to be what most of the Sith are. He's never meant to be but that doesn't mean he isn't afraid of – of how much he is sometimes.

He didn't think she saw it that way too. Doesn't actually think she does. He doesn't think she really meant what she saidbut it's still stung a lot worse than it probably should have. He should go find her, though. See if she's alright. He knows she's struggling but sometimes the sheer guilt and misery he can feel from her runs a lot deeper than he expected. This... isn't the life she wants, even if that's not something any of them get a real choice in.

Except he doesn't have to go looking for her, because Ahsoka finds him first. She's shifting from foot to foot looking almost nervous and hesitant. "Anakin?"

He looks up. "Yes?"

"I – um - I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

He meets her gaze, her eyes swimming with guilt. "I know." Anakin reaches out to touch her shoulder. "It's alright. I know you've been struggling a lot. If you want to speak with me about it..."

She sighs, the weight of it sounding like someone far olde than fourteen, going on fifteen, for a moment. "I – It feels like... None of this is what I trained to do. But it feels like I can never do any of it good enough. Master Obi-Wan always seems to expect more and I don't know how to do that."

Oh.

Oh.

He knew she struggled with Obi-Wan sometimes and he's always tried to help her with it but considering the argument they both had after Ahsoka's space battle on Ryloth, it's no wonder she's having such a hard time right now.

"I know he can be... demanding, even if he means well," Anakin admits. That was true with him too sometimes but at the end of the day, for him it was always different than it was for Ahsoka because he wasn't Obi-Wan's padawan. Obi-Wan never trained him to be that – he just took care of him, guided him when he needed it. It made him feel so much... freer. It wasn't so much like having a master.

But none of that is true with Ahsoka.

"You... do do enough, Ahsoka. You're good at what you do. You're still learning. No one can expect you to be... perfect. But I'll talk to him for you, if you want."

"Would that really help?" she asks dubiously.

"It will not hurt to try," he promises.

She still looks upset, though. There's something else bothering her. And he could swear that for hardly the first time, he can sense distinct traces of jealousy radiating from her.

"What else is wrong, Snips?" he asks.

She bites her lip, clearly hesitant. "He's always different with you," she says finally, "Than he is with me. I don't understand why."

He knows that's true and he's never found it fair when Ahsoka is the one struggling far more, even if he wishes he still got the amount of attention from Obi-Wan that he used to, before the war. Before things changed. Not that he could ever regret finally having Ahsoka at his side constantly.

"I know," Anakin admits, "He... took you in the war. Neither of you have had much time with each other. That may be much of why but being upset is understandable. I will speak to him."

She seems momentarily hesitant but then nods before she abruptly darts forwards, winding her arms around his waist. He squeezes her back, tightly. He'll do whatever he can to take care of her. She's his little sister, after all.

Sometimes he can't help wondering what it be like in a world where he could have trained her but he can't imagine ever training her to have the calm, cold emotionlessness the Jedi so often show.

"I didn't mean what I said," Ahsoka murmurs, face pressed against his chest, "It's just that – that's what everyone's always told me that about Sith. I know that's not true about you."

"I know I have struggles with that," Anakin tells her. At least he thinks he does. The Jedi are constantly watching for any signs of... anything dark.

"That's not what I see," the Togruta argues, pulling back to look up at him, "I was told to stay away from you so many times because of that but I never saw it once. None of them could ever tell me what it was they – they claimed I had to stay away from you for. It never seemed fair."

He guessed that but it still stings, cutting to his core. He's worked with the Jedi for so long but still so many don't trust him at all. Which is fair because he's not one of them and he never will be and doesn't exactly want to be, especially considering their attachment rule, but... It also hurts knowing how much this has hurt Ahsoka all this time. "I did not realize it was that hard for you."

"Sometimes I think that's why no one wanted me," she mumbles, "So I'm glad it – that it was Master Obi-Wan who took me or I don't think we would see each other anymore, but I..."

But she's still upset about their issues, which is entirely fair.

"It's alright to be upset if you're having conflicts with him. That's not... disrespectful," he promises. He'll deal with the issues as soon as he can.

**w**

Obi-Wan's just settling a discussion with some of the clones about their positions on Ryloth's surface when he senses Anakin approaching. It's been some days since he last saw him, even though they've been fighting on the same planet.

"Can I talk to you?" Anakin inquires. The way he's repeatedly blinking says right off that he's nervous for some reason.

"What is it?" Obi-Wan asks briskly. He doesn't mean to sound so distracted but the war has been dragging on for so long and he's worried about where things on Ryloth are going to end.

"It's – it's about Ahsoka."

That actually catches his attention. He knows she didn't handle the space battle over the planet very well and she's been very broody ever since. "What?"

"She's not having an easy time," Anakin explains.

Obi-Wan moves away from the clones, taking a seat on a rock so they can actually have a conversation and Anakin settles next to him. "I've noticed." He just doesn't really know what to do about it. He didn't want a padawan in the middle of all of this. He really doesn't have time for it even if he'd like to.

Anakin is shifting nervously again, for some reason. "She – she needs encouragement," he blurts, in a rush, "And she needs it from you, not only me. You're her master and she – she – I know you are harsh with her sometimes. I know it's different from her than it was for me because she's your padawan but she needs someone who is more than only a distant teacher. I know that is not what Jedi masters are by your Code but... I think it would help her."

That...

Is not what he expected him to say.

And has no idea what to say to that.

With Ahsoka, it is different than it was with Anakin. He never had to teach him the Jedi way – which also meant he didn't have to teach him to distance himself from emotions – and that did make things freer. Even if he often wished he could teach him to be a Jedi like him.

Obi-Wan's studies him for a long moment. "It is different with her than you," he concedes. In so many ways. Anakin is the center of his focus and he cares about Ahsoka, but it's not quite the same. He doesn't think anyone could capture his heart quite the way Anakin has, even if he doesn't know what that says about him. He shouldn't be so attached to a Sith. Even if that's not truly what Anakin is. It's still a potential distraction from duty even if he can't make it stop. Doesn't want to make it stop. "You were also far less challenging at times. She has struggles with obedience."

"So do all children. Constantly criticizing her will not help. She needs to know what she's doing is enough. She thinks you don't want her. I – I know you are not having an easy time with the war either, Obi-Wan, but I... I thought I should mention this to you."

His first instinct is to object right off because he hasn't noticed that being a problem but –

He knows Anakin can sense things about people, especially emotions, that he doesn't see himself. He didn't know Ahsoka was having issues this extreme but... She's still his padawan and if she is, he needs to pay attention to it. He didn't mean to ignore it, it just... kind of happened.

"Thank you for bringing this to my attention," he says.

"There's – there's one more thing," Anakin adds, shifting uncomfortably, "You – she sees that you give me more attention than you do her when she's the one who needs it."

What?

"I wouldn't say I have much time to spend with either of you," he objects.

"No, but – but I have seen it. I – I miss when we had more time. I wish we did." Anakin looks down. "But she is the one who needs... attention."

Okay.

Okayyy he can grudgingly concede that he knows what Anakin means and that's exactly what he means about seeing how his own attachments are distracting him because as a Jedi, Anakin shouldn't be so important to him but he is. So much.

He's not wrong that he needs to give more focus to actually training his padawan, even if he thinks Anakin's doing fine handling the fighting part of it. That isn't ideal but it is what it is. "Perhaps sometimes," he agrees grudgingly. "I'll have a word with her."

Anakin nods. Something a little mischievous enters his eyes and he shifts into a wolf, shifting so he's resting his head on Obi-Wan's leg the way he often does. His head is so huge as a wolf but seeing him curl up half on top of him never fails to warm something inside of him.

Obi-Wan's half confused as to why he asked him to talk to Ahsoka and then did this but he suddenly feels Anakin nudging outwards with the Force, and a few moments later the padawan herself comes to find him.

Anakin's ears perk up when she approaches and he wags his tail, obviously encouraging her to join them.

Ahsoka settles on the ground on Anakin's other side, leaning against him, half resting her head on his back. It's late and Obi-Wan rather think the other two have every intention of falling asleep like this.

He genuinely doesn't quite know how to approach the matter with Ahsoka, period. He lightly strokes a hand along Anakin's back and the wolf wags its tail.

But right.

There's still the little attention issue he doesn't quite know how to approach.

Hesitantly, Obi-Wan reaches over the wolf's back after a moment, touching Ahsoka's shoulder. She glances up at him in slight surprise but doesn't say anything.

He doesn't either. Not yet, at least. He'll... address the issue a bit later when he's put some though into how. He knows Anakin wouldn't have brought it up if it weren't important.

For now, he's as content at staying here with Anakin curled up in his lap and Ahsoka half on top of Anakin as the other two probably are. They haven't gotten moments like this at all since the war started and he'll make the most of it while it lasts.

"Focus on the moment," Qui-Gon had always said. Obi-Wan doesn't think he truly appreciated the value of that until he doesn't have time to do it anymore.

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