Kirk stood nervously outside his first officer's door. He and Bones had spent the past two weeks putting into place the plan of distancing himself from Gary and relying more on his first officer, as well as become closer to the man who could potentially be his mate. So far, the first part of the plan had been successful - he had put a professional distance between himself and Gary. He had noticed his nerves had lessened, he felt more confident around his first officer and he felt more secure. Spock opened his door, dressed in robes with a spicy scent floating from out his door - with a sense of horror Kirk realized he had disturbed the Vulcan during his mediation. Good God could he never get off on the right foot with this man? Spock, sensing Kirk's discomfort, stated, "Do not worry Captain, I have just completed my meditation. What is it you would like to speak to me about?"
Kirk took a deep breath and began, "Well Spock I realized we have gotten off on the wrong foot," here the Vulcan raised an eyebrow, Kirk huffed before continuing, "made a bad start of this professional relationship. I came here to apologize and hopefully, if you'll let me, start to mend that relationship." Spock pondered this statement for a moment, nodded and motioned for Kirk to enter his quarters. As Kirk entered he breathed a mental sigh of relief - maybe there was hope after all! Spock motioned him to sit down at the table in his small dining area, "I was about to prepare some Vulcan spiced tea, would you like some as well Captain? I find this particular blend soothing." Kirk gave a silent nod and waited in a comfortable silence.
A few minutes later Spock brought the tea to the table and set a cup down in front of Kirk. He sat, and seemed to be thinking about what to say next and the best possible way to say it. "I admit, I was disturbed by the close bond you seemed to have with Lieutenant Mitchell and the influence he has had over you. He seemed to drive a wedge between the two of us - whether it is jealousy or some other motive I cannot tell. I was going to approach you in the next few days to tell you of my disturbance, in what I perceived, as your lack of confidence in me despite my Starfleet record saying otherwise. I would have mourned my leaving the Enterprise but would have if need be. That may sound dramatic but it is logical - my role here as your first officer and science officer was being undermined by a man who is my subordinate. It is not a professional or efficient way to run a ship."
Kirk nodded, knowing the truth of these statements and it cut him to the quick. He had behaved poorly, and in the process had almost lost one of the finest officers in the fleet. "I know Spock, and for that I am truly sorry. In that respect I have been a poor captain and let my insecurities get the best of me. Would it be possible to build a professional relationship going forward?" Silently, he hoped as he never had before that it would develop beyond a professional relationship, the omega in him demanded as much.
"Yes, Captain, I believe nothing has been damaged beyond repair. I realize it took courage and humility for you to apologize and I thank you for that." Spock paused as if he wanted to add more but was uncertain how to phrase it. Kirk waited for a moment, then said, "Please Spock, speak your mind."
"Admiral Pike spoke to me before he left," Spock paused again, as if to make sure he spoke correctly and not out of line, "he told me of your designation, of being an omega. I cannot lie Captain, when we first came into contact that something drew me to you beyond serving together. I believe it was the Alpha recognizing you as my omega. I have been in the presence of many omegas but have never had this reaction. I am a cautious man by nature, and with my Vulcan upbringing am very adept at suppressing my emotions, but I recognize now that beyond my disturbance at your perceived lack of confidence in me, I also was becoming jealous at the relationship between you and Lieutenant Mitchell. I have spent much time in meditation, trying to get rid of these feelings of jealousy but to no avail. I am relieved that you and I can begin again."
Kirk felt light as air and weak from relief, he hadn't screwed it up beyond repair! They could move forward and build a relationship! As a captain he was relieved he had begun to solve his first major crisis with one of his staff, as an omega he almost purred in contentment that he was able to resolve things with his alpha. "Mr. Spock, I am glad we have come to …an understanding. I've heard you're a master at tridimensional chess, perhaps I could sharpen my skills at weekly games? Perhaps we could begin in the rec room?" Spock was agreeable and the two parted that night with high hopes.
For the first few weeks, they met every Tuesday after their shifts in the senior staff rec room. At first their conversations were stilted, and they chose to spend more time focusing on the game then each other; however, as time went on they began to feel more comfortable and became more open with each other. Eventually, they started meeting twice a week, alternating between their cabins. There the conversations deepened as they talked about their childhoods - Spock as the victim of almost constant bullying throughout his childhood and into his teenage years and Kirk's trauma on Tarsus IV. They both discussed their dreams of exploring and their almost insatiable curiosity which led them both to Starfleet. One evening, toward the end of their chess game, Kirk spoke softly, "Spock, I am glad our paths have crossed and that you joined Starfleet. Your genuine friendship has come to mean so much to me." As he finished speaking, Kirk blushed a little at having said so much. Spock raised an eyebrow, "Indeed, Captain, I am most fortunate that through my hard work and dedication I was assigned to work on Starfleet's flagship. I do not make friends easily, and the friendship we have developed over the past several months has meant more to me than I can express." Kirk leaned forward, circling the Vulcans wrist with his fingers in a gesture of appreciation, murmuring, "Thank you Spock, I know that was not easy for you to say or express. I appreciate you being so willing to open up to me."
Several days later, Kirk sat on his couch, a tumbler of Romulan Ale in his hand, staring off into space. He had lost one of his best friends today, he had been forced to kill Gary Mitchell to save his crew. He was in the right but it did not make the decision any easier or the guilt any less crippling. He heard the chime of his door, and said "Come." In walked Bones with a bottle of whiskey, "I can see you started without me," he said with a soft chuckle. Then, looking around the room stated, "I thought the pointy eared hobgoblin would be here with you." Kirk sadly shook his head, "No, Spock is on the 'night shift' for the next few weeks to help some of the junior staff." McCoy had come in his professional role as ship's doctor to check in on his long time friend and Captain. Once he had established that Kirk was still able to run the ship, without having to be relieved of duty for a few days due to his emotional status, he allowed himself to relax into friendship mode. He allowed Kirk to mourn his friend, and talk about the good times they had together. McCoy suspected Kirk was seeing the friendship through rose colored glasses, but what was the point in speaking ill of the dead? The conversation shifted to Kirk's science officer and their budding relationship. McCoy had seen their professional relationship bloom over the past several months, and it had made the running of the ship much more efficient. Spock effortlessly balanced Kirk, helping the man to see solutions he could not and being the serious foil to his almost constant jovial nature. While Spock helped to smooth out some of Kirk's rough edges, Kirk managed to do the same for Spock - helping Spock to see that the human half of his biology was not a curse but an assist, that he was his own unique man.
Kirk sighed, and said "I think I am beginning to fall in love with Spock. I have been in enough relationships to know what love is and I think this is it. However, I don't want to ruin my relationship with this beautiful, brilliant man."
McCoy sat for a moment to ponder the revelation, then spoke, "Jim, you're both grown men. Both intelligent as hell and stubborn in your own ways - you wouldn't have made it this far in Starfleet if you weren't. I'm maybe not the best person to talk to about relationships, seeing how mine ended with the ex wife but I will tell you this - I wish we would have been more honest with each other and that I would have had a better work life balance. Having said that - be honest with Spock, perhaps take it slow and don't jump into it like you have done in the past, you will be good for each other but it will take work. I think both of you have needs that have to be worked out."
Kirk nodded at the wisdom of his friend's words, and was about to respond when his door chimed. "Come!" Kirk said, and was shocked to see his first officer walk through his door. McCoy patted his knee saying, "Well, the alpha shift starts in a few hours - better try and get some shut eye before I need to report for duty." Kirk gave his friend a grateful look as he left and got up to greet Spock.
"Captain, I will not stay long since you too must report for duty in a few hours time but this was my first opportunity to say that I grieve with thee." Kirk approached his first officer, rested a hand on the man's shoulder, responding with a soft, "Thank you Spock. Besides Bones, you have become my best friend, and strongest source of strength. I would not be the Captain I am today without your support." It took all of Kirk's strength not to blurt out that he was beginning to love the man and he could have sworn he saw a dusting of dark green appear on his first officer's cheek - surely Spock wasn't embarrassed by his praise? Maybe there was hope for the two of them yet.
Spock cleared his throat and spoke again, "Captain, the hour is late but there is something of a personal nature I would like to speak with you about. Perhaps tomorrow after your shift is done, you could come to my quarters for dinner?"
Kirk smiled, and responded, "Yes Spock I would love to." With that the first officer turned on his heels and left. Despite the trauma of the day, Kirk went to bed with a heart full of hope - maybe true love and being captain were in the cards for him.
As Kirk's shift approached its end he became more and more nervous, he felt that this evening's conversation could be a turning point in their personal relationship and he hoped to God that it was. An hour later Kirk stood in front of his first officer's door with a box of the Vulcans favorite tea, took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. Kirk entered at the first officers, "Come" and the butterflies intensified as he entered. "It smells wonderful Spock, what did you make?"
Spock nodded his head in thanks and responded, "It is Plomeek soup - I made my mothers recipe which is a bit spicier than normal. I also added chicken to your portion since you are not vegetarian. Please come and sit." They sat in comfortable silence eating their food, and exchanging pleasantries about their days. Finally, when the meal was complete they moved to the seating area. Spock looked at Kirk for several moments before proceeding. "Captain, you will have to forgive me if I am wrong, but I am sensing a connection that goes beyond the strictly professional. I was wondering sir, if my inclination was right and if you would consider a relationship that went beyond the professional realm."
Kirk sat in stunned silence for several moments, unable to quite believe that this was the direction they were headed. Spock began to speak but Kirk stopped him by beginning to speak first. "Spock, I would love nothing more than to begin a romantic relationship with you; the first day I met you I felt something - I believe it was my omega self recognizing you as my Alpha. When we start, I would like us to proceed slowly. I will not pretend like I haven't been in relationships before but nothing that could have such consequences as ours. Is this something you want Spock?"
Spock looked at the Captain pensive before speaking, "Captain," he halted then corrected himself and murmured, "Jim." Gods above his name had never sounded so good before. "I too would like to pursue a relationship with you. I had a serious relationship in my past - indeed we are engaged, an arrangement my parents made for me when I was seven. I thought T'Pring and I would be a good match but as we pursued the relationship after I had entered Starfleet and been assigned to the Enterprise, we found we grew apart. She could not understand my…devotion to Starfleet and I was perhaps a little too human for her. We have not spoken in several years, and I had not seen any reason to sever our relationship…until now. Does this disturb you Jim?"
Jim sat back in his seat, stunned for the second time that evening. He began thinking…did it really disturb him that Spock had been in a serious relationship? Hadn't he been in a similar situation with Carol Marcus almost a decade earlier? It had come as quite a shock to him when Gary had confessed pointing her in his direction during their academy days. Gary had even confessed to "planning out the whole campaign" with her and seemed unfazed that Jim had almost married her. He marveled again at his poor choice in a friend. He realized, it didn't matter to him about Spock's previous relationship, it only leant experience to know what was right for them. Jim realized that Spock balanced him in a way that no one else could or had. The man questioned him and allowed him to see solutions where he had previously not seen them, he sought after Spock's approval both consciously and subconsciously. Kirk realized during the past several months that because of his childhood and how he was raised, he had a spine of steel, an unmatched intelligence and was a bit of a rebel to boot. The amount of courage to stand up to his father and join Starfleet was beyond Kirk's comprehension. Yes, Kirk wanted to pursue a relationship with this complex man - he knew that there was no one else for him. Kirk slowly got up and sat next to Spock on the couch, putting his hand on Spock's knee.
"Spock, I am not the best at expressing myself," when Spock gave him a raised eyebrow in response, Kirk chuckled and continued, "with regards to emotions. I too was involved with a woman several years ago named Carol, I thought I was in love and was about to marry her. Before Gary died, he revealed to me that he had intentionally placed Carol in my way and planned 'out the whole campaign' with her beforehand - in other words it was doomed from the start."
Here Spock did something he rarely did - interrupted, "Then truly Jim, he was not your friend and she was not deserving of your love. I grieve with thee that you were used in such a manner."
Kirk responded with a sad smile, "Yes, they truly weren't deserving of my love or friendship but those experiences have led me to you and to this moment here. I told you about Carol because how could I hold your fiance against you? We both thought we had found love, true love, but we hadn't yet met each other. Beyond our alpha and omega designations seeking each other, I believe we balance each other in a way I could not find with Carol and you could not find with T'Pring. You bring a logic to my world that I have not had before, your upbringing brings perspective into my life that I have not had before. You steady me, make me feel confident in who I am and in the decisions I make as Captain, and soon I suspect in my personal life as well. What I'm trying to say Spock is yes, I would love to pursue a romantic relationship with you, if you want an illogical human like me."
With a slight quirk to his lips, a rarity Kirk was coming to realize for the Vulcan, Spock leaned forward and began to speak. "It seems that based on previous relationships we were acting against our own self interest and perhaps a bit foolishly illogical, which as a Vulcan is something that I rarely say. Having reflected on the past few months and this conversation I believe Jim we will need to be completely honest with each other, insecurities and all."
Jim mimicked Spock's posture before responding. "I concur wholeheartedly with your assessment, Spock, very logical. Which of course is one of the reasons I made you my first officer." At this statement he gave Spock a grin and a wink, which caused a light green dusting to appear on the first officer's face. The smile disappeared from Kirk's face and he became serious. "I will also say that besides doing the proper paperwork with the 'Fleet about our relationship, I think I want to keep our relationship very private for the first little while. Please, don't think I am ashamed of you or this brand new relationship rather it is because I want to protect it. Being on a ship and especially being its captain and first officer we will be under constant scrutiny. I don't want people to question your decisions or try to curry favor with you because you're dating the captain. I think we should gradually let the ship know, when we've been together for a while, to let the crew know that nothing has changed." By the end of his comment Kirk's eyes were on the floor and allowed his insecurities to show through. Unsure if Spock would agree, unsure if Spock would want to continue in this relationship or continue to want him. Kirk was known for his brashness and courage, he wasn't the youngest captain in Starfleet history for nothing but all that mattered for nothing if Spock didn't agree.
Spock gently put two fingers underneath Kirk's chin so that the man was forced to look into his eyes before quietly responding "T'hy'la you read my mind. I am in complete agreement with you. I do not want others to say that I am getting preferential treatment because I am in a relationship with you or to try to 'butter me up' as humans are so fond of saying because I am with you. So yes I am in complete agreement with you Jim." At that Spock held out his index and middle finger, waiting for Kirk to complete the Vulcan kiss. Kirk gave him a shy smile and slowly brought his fingers to touch the Vulcans. When he did, he felt a brief shock along his fingers. He looked wide eyed at Spock before asking, "Is that normal?"
Spock slowly shook his head, "I've heard of this happening before on rare occasions a pair mating also happened to be soul mates. Perhaps we are not only an Alpha/Omega mate but soul as well. Interesting, I will have to more thoroughly research the topic." Kirk gave him a grin, "Ah yes that is the Spock I know and love! How about we celebrate our first official night of our relationship by playing some chess?"