The Outsider

by starazure

Kenshin is an aimless student who has nothing to look forward to in life. He and his friends receive a surprise when they must welcome a new student to their high school; the refined, young and attractive Soujiro Seta. While everyone is taken by his charms, Kenshin is suspicious of him. Some things, however, are better off undiscovered. Dark fic, AU, non-canon, yaoi, hard lemon.

50. How To Get What You Want - Part Three

"Everything
as it was
everything
as it goes."

- Elise Trouw

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We hop on the metro bus after it pulls up next to all of us. My new friends are the first to climb up the stairs while I follow closely behind them. Kenshin makes it a point to be right behind Sanosuke and be as far away as he can from me in that line up, much to my annoyance. I know maybe I smiled at him in a weird way, but that still doesn't mean he should act like a coward. I'm not gonna bite his dick off or anything. So why put all the distance between us?

Whatever.

I am just going to focus on having some fun today.

We all take our seats all the way in the back of the bus. Sanosuke and Yahiko both sit right next to each other to play mobile games together, while the girls huddle together to have their chat amongst themselves in the seats behind the guys. Kenshin decides to sit near a window by himself, true to his introverted nature. I could sit down right next to him, but.. at the same time, I know that I should play it safe when our friends are right there to observe us. I know better than to show our hands like this out in the open, and I am also not in the mood to expose our new sexual relationship right now. So, I sit next to a window in the seat in front of Kenshin, clasping my hands over each other politely.

Now who's a good boy?

I look out the window, the world rushing past us as the bus drives away. It's good that I suggested visiting the zoo today. I want to see everything that Kyoto has to offer. I'll always hold my home back in Tokyo close to my heart, but it's fun to travel and see new places, too. What can I say, I get bored easily!

I grunt as I catch the reflection of Kenshin's face of the window behind mines, and he looks to be deep in thought about something. I wonder what he's thinking about. Suddenly, he has this sweet, muted smile on his lips, as if he remembering something nice. He's not.. remembering what happened between us last night, is he? I can feel my body stiffening and my teeth clasping over my lower lip at that thought. No. There's just no way..

I turn to face the front of the bus straight on again, determined to ignore him. Don't do it, Soujiro. Don't bother him. You already pushed his boundaries hard last night, and now is not the time to act like a douchebag again. Just behave yourself..

Just.. don't..

My eyes seem to have a mind of their own as they flicker back at the reflection of Kenshin's still smiling face, and I couldn't take it anymore. I turn around and peak over at him from where I'm sitting at, admiring him. He looks so happy when he's thinking happy thoughts.

I just want to make sure that the smile belongs to me.

"You look happy."

Kenshin flinches as soon as I speak, looking up at me confusingly. I smile at him with just my eyes, on account of the seat hiding the lower parts of my face from him. He stares at me at first, trying to think of something to say. Instead, he scoffs in annoyance and crosses his arms over his chest in a defensive fashion, looking back at his window to ignore me. I watch him intently, my hand over my lap curling into a fist. I swear, if I had more strength, I would've punched him right in the fucking face for that.

He can be so annoying and weird and off-putting, I swear to God.

And yet..

My fist uncurls itself softly, and I decide to show my intimidating strength in a different way. I mutter in a low voice, "Are you gonna ignore me now?"

He doesn't reply to me, opting to just keep his hardened gaze at the window. I keep watching him, my anger slowly simmering. Silence. The sound of your friends laughing and chatting seem so innocent compared to our resentful silence right now. I would give anything to be able to get along with Kenshin like they all are, but.. I guess he's just not letting up, even after an erotic encounter with me last night.

Goddammit. I sigh, let down by how this day is going already. His eyes squint at that, but he still doesn't let up with his silent treatment. I whisper loud enough so that he can hear me, "Your friends are watching you, you know. Watching us. If you act like this, how do you think they will react?"

His eyes finally flicker towards me with a growl, "They don't have to know shit."

I nod, trying to diffuse this situation as best I could, "I know. I agree with you. That's why I need you to act normal."

Kenshin smirks and looks back at the window once more, "This is my normal. And they're okay with that."

Ugh. I roll my eyes to myself and turn back around as I sigh nonchalantly, "Suit yourself."

I am not in the mood to fight with him, even if it might make me feel better in that moment. I have to play my cards right if I'm ever going to see him half naked again. I gulp, remembering what transpired last night. That was such an amazing night we had. I wonder if its true what his friends said about Kenshin being promiscuous. I mean, a healthy young strapping male is surely without countless admirers. I grumble to myself, already annoyed. I don't have to think about his sexual escapades with people he's had before me.

I'll be the best partner he's ever had!

We've finally arrive to our destination. The zoo is basically a building with outside attractions. But since its the middle of autumn, all of the outside animals have been put away someplace else for the time being. We can only enjoy the animals enclosed indoors, which is not a big deal. We enter the building and have a look around, and I don't know why, but I keep my gaze onto Kenshin secretly as he looks to Kaoru for some reason. He looks like he was about to tell her something, when Yahiko butts in and wraps his arm around her shoulders to tell her a joke into her ear, making her giggle as they walk off together. He sighs quietly to himself at that, and I continue to stare at him.

I wonder if..

No.

Maybe I'm just seeing things.

Suddenly, he erupts into a laughter that catches us all by surprise. Me especially. What was that for? I blink at him in confusion as Sanosuke chuckles next to him, "What gives?"

He shakes his head, "It's nothing. Forget it."

"Kenshin's finally lost it." Yahiko smiles at him in jest but cowers back as the redhead glowers at him. I find myself moving slowly towards him for some reason, trying my best to play it cool and casual in front of the others.

"I like this side of you more!" Misao grabs his arm, "I just wish Aoshi was here to spend time with us."

Oh. Fuck. That's a name that shouldn't be reminded by Kenshin! I hold my breath as I suddenly lunge towards Kenshin just as he is about to ask, "Where is he―"

"―Hey, check that out!" I collide my shoulder against his before running off ahead, rousing the others to also hurry up behind me to enter through the lobby. That was so close! I really cannot have Kenshin digging into my secret friendship with Aoshi. Not that I worry that Aoshi would be stupid enough to blow our cover, but its better to prevent damage from happening in the first place. I stand in front of a large glass display of snakes lying on the ground before me, and before I knew it, Yahiko and Sanosuke joins me on my adventure.

"Whoa, get a load of this guy!" Yahiko whistles, impressed by the side of the sleeping giant.

"I bet I could fight it." Sanosuke sneers, tapping his finger against the glass.

"I bet you could beat it!" I beam at him, earning him a sheepish grin.

"Not if I get to that fucker first!" Yahiko puffs his chest out comically, and Sanosuke rolls his eyes to himself.

"Right. Not like the snake is a lot taller than you if it stood up straight on its tail." He grumbles.

"The ladies love a fun sized guy," Yahiko rests his chin between his pointing finger and thumb with a self-assured smug look, "Ask Tsubame and she'll tell you."

"No thanks, don't feel like vomiting." Sanosuke continues to tap on the glass, which made the snake suddenly move, "Holy shit!"

"Guys," I look at both of them uneasily, "Let's not get in trouble. I don't feel like getting kicked out."

"Alright, alright," Sanosuke takes his finger back before blinking at the group of girls who are busy with looking through another glass display, "Hey, where's Kenshin?"

"Huh? He's not there with the girls?" Yahiko also turns to face the other group who are now walking towards us.

"Have you seen Kenshin?" Kaoru blinks at Yahiko once she and the girls arrive in front of us.

"No? I thought he was with you." Sanosuke answers. I look around the place from where I stand, feeling a little bit nervous all of a sudden. Where could he have gone? Did he just leave us and went back home?

"I could text or call him, but you know how he is." Megumi sighs, crossing her arms over her chest.

"He better come back soon! I want him next to me when we visit the tarantulas!" Misao shivers, obviously not a big fan.

"I'll!" I suddenly erupt, making everyone turn to me in a collective state of confusion, "I'll look for him! He could have gone to the bathroom or something! Why don't you two take the girls and I'll get Kenshin back where you're at?"

"Yeah, sure," Sanosuke rubs his palm at the back of his neck with a shrug, "We'll catch up."

"I hear they have parrots over there!" Kaoru smiles brightly at a door nearby that goes through a hallway to another section of the building, "We should meet up there!"

We all nod and off we went; me trying to find the restroom while the gang goes off together to look at the birds. It took about a minute or so, but thanks to all the helpful signs plastered over the walls, I finally find the men's room. I gulp, trying to steady myself before I take a deep breath in. Here goes nothing. I exhale and take the door handle to pull it towards me, opening it and entering the restroom. There, standing with his hands grasping over the sink, is Kenshin. I walk towards him slowly and carefully, feeling my stomach quivering all the while.

He looks so intimidating right now. Still, I keep a brave face on.

"You alright there, Kenshin?"

His frame flinches at the sound of my voice, and he shuts his eyes painfully, as if angry that I've barged into his life once more. Never the less, he nods with a gulp, "Yes."

I look at him worriedly, taking another step towards him to outstretch my hand to touch his forehead at the possible risk of getting viciously attacked by him, "Are you sick? Should I get you something.."

Immediately, he blocks my hand from reaching towards him with his arm, successfully smacking it away from him. He snarls at me, glaring pointedly at me all the while, "Don't touch me. Don't you ever, touch me again!"

Yup.

This day is officially ruined.

Fuck.

"Please calm down." I take a cautious step towards him, eager to at least bridge this gap between us before it gets any worse, "I just want to help you."

I wish you could see the look in his eyes. That same look of disgust that I could recognize from a mile away: the same kind of look that people make towards me when they realize that I'm not like them. It all happened so slowly in those final seconds counting down, but just as suddenly, everything starts to move much faster than before. He turns to me completely, and for a split second, I freeze internally at the blood lust in his glare.

Are these the eyes that I must look into when I am finally murdered one day?

"You wanna fucking help me? How about you literally just do what I ask you to, and don't!" He takes his hands and plunge them hard against my chest with so much force, that I very nearly fly backwards and hit the back of my head against the wall, prompting me to cry out in pain while he screams, "TOUCH ME!"

I am doubled over slightly as I start to pant, angry tears welling up on the corners of my eyes. There is a searing pain exploding in the back of my head now, and I wonder if my scalp might've split from the impact. I glare at him head on as he also sends me a scathing look in return. Fuck him. Fuck him! Does he even know who I am or who my father is?! I watch in agony as he shakes his head to himself for a quick second before walking off to get away from me, and in that moment, our eyes lock. I don't know if maybe it's just me. I don't know if maybe I'm just making shit up at this point.

But for just a quick moment, ending as quickly as it started.. there was a hint of regret in his eyes.

The sound of door closing echoes inside the room as I am left to stand there all alone. My hands cover my face as I scream with a closed mouth to myself, completely at my wits ends. I don't understand! I thought we were going somewhere with all that's happened last night! Didn't he liked how I pleasured him? Didn't he appreciated everything I've done for him so far? Didn't he cummed hard inside my mouth last night? What more does that motherfucker want?!

Why is he so goddamn.. fucking..!

"Stupid! Stupid!" I start smacking the side of my head in a fit of torment, whispering in between teeth, "What the fuck!"

I suddenly start kicking the stall next to me in anger. I couldn't help it but start to whip my phone out and start typing in a frenzy to Kenshin, really letting him have it:

You have got to be the worst person I've ever met. Who do you think you are, pushing people like that? I think you're sick! You're exactly as the stereotype people want to portray you as: A violent, low class, no good THUG. And to think I wasted my time helping you with your homework. Are you stupid or do you enjoy looking dumb in front of your teachers? Whatever. I don't give a shit about you anymore. I already got what I wanted from you and don't you dare even THINK about showing this message to your friends. Remember who has the money, remember who has the connections? Me. Not you. Me. And when the push comes to shove, even your friends will pick me over you. Trash.

Send.

I exhale, my face heated still from all the sobbing and high tension. My eyes shut painfully, realizing what I've just done. Great. Now there's absolutely no way of reconciliation after sending him something like that. Way to go, Soujiro.

This is.. no.. this is all my fault. I pushed too much and too quickly with him. I wasn't patient enough with him. I was too forceful and too much with him. Kenshin's exactly the type I've heard about before: A complete closet case. Someone who hates themselves for being born differently and takes it out on guys like me. And here I am, trying to force him to come out before he's even ready.

As if I even have any room to talk myself, being closeted as well and all..

I really am stupid.

That guy is going to hate me for life now.

And it's all my fault.

I start to sob to myself now, salty tears dripping into my mouth as I groan into my hands. This sucks. This really fucking sucks! I have no one to blame but myself for how all of this ended. I couldn't help but be impulsive instead of calculative like I usually am. I feel like when it comes to him, I lose my cool easily.

Kenshin..

...

He's not.. going to tell the guys.. is he?

My hands slide down with my eyes peering over my fingertips. No. There's no way. He would then have to out himself as the guy who enjoyed a blowjob from me last night. Kenshin wouldn't do that. He knows how much there is at stake . He's too smart to blab to those guys now. If I know anything about him by now, he's probably making his departure with an excuse that he has to go home now. I let my arms go limp now, sighing deeply.

Maybe I should go home, too..

But wouldn't that look suspicious?

I grunt at that thought. Well, maybe. Yeah. I think that would look too suspicious. If Kenshin is still around, I could go home; if he did went home, I'll have to stay with the gang to keep up with my ruse that everything is okay. After splashing some cold water on my face to clean the tears away, I do my deep breathing to calm myself down before I head out of the restroom and go find my friends.

Just as I suspected, Kenshin is no longer here. The gang is now talking to each other with mixed expressions on their faces, wondering what in the world is going on with him. I walk up to them and the first one to notice me is Misao, who immediately comes up towards me with worry etched on her face, "Soujiro! Did Kenshin say anything to you?"

"Um.. No?" I frown, trying to appear confused and completely in the dark right now. Misao's eyes frown deeper at me, blinking. Oh. Oh no. Did I looked unconvincing? I bounce back with a smile before she has the chance to say anything else, "Actually! I had to stay to use the toilet, but when I came back out, he went missing! I thought he got with you guys again!"

Misao shakes her head, "No, actually. He left to go back home."

"Oh, my!" I tilt my head with a fake concern look now, "What happened?"

"Hey," Suddenly Sanosuke and Yahiko comes up to us from some other direction, "Where's Kenshin?"

"He left," Misao sets her hands on her hips now, "It's about.. You know.."

Sanosuke was about to say something, but then his eyes flicker over to me. I grunt, confused. Why did he stopped? He shakes his head and then nods at Misao, as if understanding, "Alright, yeah. Let's leave him alone."

He's not talking about Kenshin's step dad.. is he?

Shishio did mentioned that he is a drunk..

I guess Kenshin's just as manipulative as I am. It's a good lie, I'll admit. I watch everyone quietly as they mumble to each other and then Megumi comes over to me to set a hand on my shoulder with a smile, "Come on, kid. Let's check out some more animals, okay?"

I smile back at her with my eyes, "Sure!"

We spend the next couple of hours together in that building. Sanosuke and Yahiko do seem a bit tense, but otherwise try to keep me entertained as a way to forget about what just happened. I guess this is all old news to them by now; Kenshin's stepdad does nothing but drink himself to death, and they all have to keep pretending to be okay with it. I don't know how they do it, but I guess this was years in the making. The girls also seem to try their best to keep talking to me and get my mind off of things, but..

I try my best to appear involved and bubbly. I try to look like I don't really know what's going on. I try to look like I have never heard anything about Kenshin's guardian.

But it's hard.

It's hard to feel good when Kenshin is out there, mad at me beyond words.

I tried. I tried so hard and waited for so long.. and it's all for nothing. I planned for this for a whole year, all so that it could blow up instantly in my face. Kenshin had no right to push me like that in the bathroom, though. We are now at the zoo's cafeteria and I gave Sanosuke my shiny new credit card to get their lunch on. After everything that's happened, I'm pretty starved for something heavy. Fuck this cardio bunny lifestyle, I want some grub!

"They got pizza!" Yahiko beams at me as I sit down at a round table with the girls, "Do you want that?"

"Yes, please!" I groan with a smile, "That sounds sooo good!"

"I bet you can eat anything and not gain an ounce!" Misao coos at me, lightly pinching my arm, "You're so slender!"

"I'll say," Megumi sighs, her cheek supported by her perfectly manicured hand, "What is your secret?"

"Lots of running!" I chuckle sheepishly, "Cardio is so good for the thin look!"

"We should take up running together, Soujiro!" Kaoru smiles brightly, "Even if it's just once a week, I think that could do us all some good!"

"Thar she blows," Sanosuke chuckles, "No way, missy. I ain't slaving away at that damn school or any gym. I already hit the weights at home."

"Maybe I should take up weight lifting." Yahiko pouts, looking at his own skinny arms with a comical dejection.

"Alright, alright, you two get the pizza and we'll eat like pigs just for today!" Megumi stretches her arms behind her back, "And then we'll talk about cardio later when I'm not stuffed with bread and cheese!"

We all have a laugh at that before the boys go off to fiend us the food. The girls are chatting with each other about stuff that I am into: boys, dating, and how to look good for them. But I don't chime in too much, nor do I let myself get too carried away with their conversation. They'd ask me what I find attractive in a girl, and I'd lie and say that I like a girl that's more on the tomboy side. This surprises them, on account of them all being on the girly side with the way they're dressed. But never the less, they seem impressed that I have the "maturity" to even give a masculine type of girl a chance, seeing as how they know one such case at their school.

"That girl in calculus?" Megumi nods, "Dyke."

"Totally," Misao nods, "She's got the short hair and everything."

"That's.. a harsh way to describe her, you guys," Kaoru starts to chuckle uneasily under her breath, "She's just not into fashion like we are."

"Exactly. She's a total lesbo," Megumi sneers and shakes slightly, "Oof! I hope she doesn't like me or anything."

I can feel my smile hurting my face. This conversation is making my heart beat faster. Do they hate boys like me, too?

"Well," Misao sighs, "Not like she can help it. People like that can't change or anything, right?"

"That's right," Kaoru nods, trying to keep this conversation from getting anymore offensive, "She's a very smart girl, too."

"All I'm saying is that I'm strictly dickly!" Megumi has her hands up as if caught, "Gay guys are cool, though. Too bad I don't think there are any at our school."

If only you knew who you're sitting next to. Not that I find that to be proud of, of course. I'd give anything to be straight. I look at the girls carefully, the way they smile and giggle amongst themselves, the way they wear their makeup, how they do their hair and how easy it is for them to look pretty. And here I am, sitting near them, and sadly not feeling an ounce of attraction towards them.

Why? Why can't I just be normal?

At that thought, I can feel my face growing hotter. It's like the universe fucking hates me and keeps showing me examples as to why I will never find my place in the world. As the girls huddle together to look at something from Megumi's phone, I whip mines out from underneath the table to look at my text message I sent to Kenshin, seeing that it has been read. My stomach flips, but of course, he hasn't responded to it. Man, I really did let him have one with that. I grit my teeth with a grunt, blushing at my behavior. I'm willing to bet he's not going to show this text message to his friends either. Anything to keep us both locked inside this God forsaken closet. I sigh and can feel my embarrassment simmer down into a fog of weariness instead.

"You alright there, Soujiro?"

"Huh?" I blink to who said that, and it was Misao. I laugh, "Oh, yeah! Just hungry!"

She giggles, "Well, here comes the food!"

Finally.

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I spent the entire Sunday at home. With my usual luck, Father is home and is found lounging around. It's one of those rare moments I catch him in, where he doesn't have work on his mind, or any tasks that needs his attention. And after such an ugly fight with Kenshin, the last thing I want to do is also rouse Father into anger if I try to sneak out of the house. Besides, if I could hazard a guess, Kenshin's friends are probably too busy trying to look for the redhead to even want to hang out again. After a house party and a trip to the zoo, I think a break is needed.

Besides.. I'd rather die than look at Kenshin's face right now.

I need some space.

"How is school treating you?" Father smirks from where he sits in the living room, enjoying a cup of coffee in his bathrobe and slippers.

Bad. Horrible. A total let down.

"It's awesome!" I beam at him, "I love it!"

"That's good."

He and I spent the rest of that lazy Sunday eating, watching television, looking at our own phones, and web surfing on the net. Despite having no one else around us in the house, we don't have a lot to say to each other. We just don't understand each other deep down but keep a polite distance from each other. It's a good thing that I'm a great actor; he never once asked if anything was wrong. I act as if everything is fine in my life.

Sometime in the afternoon, he went out to get us some ingredients to prepare a home cooked dinner. On the surface, it looks like something any loving father would do. But to me, he just wants to watch me eat and make sure I don't get too fat for his liking. He would shop at food stores to gather healthy materials, as organic and pure as possible. I have to admit that at least he's not that bad of a cook, so it's not like I'm suffering too much. But he'd kill me if he knew I scarfed down a couple of big slices of pizza yesterday with my friends.

I don't understand why he's so against living freely like that. But I suppose he just wants me to present my best face for his company, even before I take over his throne.

While home alone and waiting for Father's return, I look through Facebook to check up on Kenshin. I know. Against my better judgement, I keep staring at his photos. I'd look through his comments, his previous posts, all the things I've already combed through before I moved in here. I can't help it. I can't help but want to keep seeing him. It's amazing how much I seem to care about getting his approval, considering that all I ever want to do is to sleep with him.

I don't want anything less or anything more than that.

I already have everything in the world.

Money, looks, grades, a bright future ahead of me.

...

So then, why am I crying?

I blink, feeling the hot slickness of my tears as they slide down my cheeks. I wasn't even aware that my eyes were welling up with tears until now. I tap my fingers against the skin under my eye before looking at them, as if I have never seen my own tears before. Where are all these feelings coming from? What do these tears actually mean? And why am I taking this so hard?

Am I truly that desperate to get on Kenshin's good graces?

But why?!

He's just some schmuck I found on the internet! He's not some impressive guy that's on my level! He has no money, no future, and has a horrible attitude to boot! Not a single charm exists in that body! He's mean, rude, and has the social elegance of a rock! The only thing he has to show off is probably a criminal record! I gripe under my breath, wiping my tears away furiously. He's the biggest piece of shit I've ever known! He's nothing like me or anybody that I spend time with at all!

...

And yet..

I still keep thinking about him.

I gulp, my lower lip trembling as new tears are threatening to form inside my eyes again. I don't know what it is, but having him push me like that yesterday is enough to hurt my feelings. I used to be frustrated with him, but now my heart is starting to hurt. I am aware that I am developing a crush on him, so maybe this is why I am taking this so hard. I just wanted him to like me. And yet it seems like the harder I try, the more he keeps himself away. The more I push, the more he pulls.

Well, if that's what he wants, I'll give it to him. I'll start pulling away from him. Maybe it's for the best, at least until things cool down again. At that thought, I compile an email to send it to all nine of my teachers at the same time, detailing that I will be taking a short break from being Kenshin's tutor on account of his behaviors. I'd rather keep some physical space while on school grounds, just so that I can feel safe in my classes. I send it, and close my laptop.

Father soon returns from his outings and we have dinner. He then disappears into his study room, and I in my bedroom to catch up on some light reading. I go to sleep, wanting to rest as much as possible before I have to face that horrid creature in the morning.

In the morning, I made it a point to start my day by staying away from Kenshin as much as possible. It all started in homeroom when I would sit in the front row and chatted with some new people, just so that I would look too busy to rouse any suspicion in Kenshin's friends. Sanosuke, Yahiko, and the girls seemed a bit confused as to why I'm not sitting in the back with them like I always do, but they then busied with themselves over Kenshin. I could hear them freaking out over his disappearance on Sunday, and wondered where the hell he went. Kenshin answered back casually that he was sick, just like his stepdad told them, and that it was no big deal.

Liar. Nothing but a goddamn liar.

Whatever. I don't care.

We avoid each other for the rest of the day. During the times when that wasn't possible, such as when mutual friends would catch up with us and started chatting with us, we would stay in the conversation and just not look at each other. I guess since we were never that close with one another to begin with, our friends seemed none the wiser. Kenshin is at least smart enough to keep any aggression in check. The last thing we need is for him to freak out in front of everyone at me and blow our cover.

Days pass by. We're still not talking. I never texted or called him, and he's never done the same, either. I hung out with the gang only once during the week and we spent the day at a shopping mall nearby. Kenshin did not attend, and I had to pretend that I am just fine with that. The other days of the week after school, though, I would go straight home and try to keep myself from falling apart at the seams. It's hard to focus on studying when things feel tense between us. It's hard to even have fun anymore when I know that someone I like is mad at me.

School lunch time is a great example of this. This entire week, I had to bite the inside of my cheek as I see Kenshin carrying on like normal, talking and laughing with his little friends. He actually seems happier now that I'm no longer talking to him or acknowledging him, which devastates me. As Thursday rolls in, seeing Kenshin complimenting Megumi's necklace and Kaoru's hairstyle on account of them trying to dress up more with my money spent on them, is enough to make me want to cry again.

And that's what I did. The period before gym class, I spent some time crying inside a toilet stall. I know I'm going to turn up late, but I just couldn't take it anymore. It's obvious that Kenshin is happier without me and he's not shy at all in showing it. I should hate him and give up on him at this point. There's no way that we could ever be okay after what happened between us. But I'm still holding on and I don't know why.

I wish I could understand myself more.

I finally reach into the locker rooms to quickly change into my gym clothes. The gym coach is going to rip me a new one, but I don't think being late just this once warrants as a serious offense, so I think I'll be fine. Besides, I'm sure I know a certain someone who's relieved to not see me in the locker room today. It's hard, honestly. I have to try so hard to not look at him anytime he changes for gym. He has the most amazing body I've ever seen, and I've already seen enough bodies to compare him to. He's taunt and toned, with just enough muscle definition that almost reminds me of those professional skateboarders.

He's just.. perfect.

I gulp, blushing. Okay. Now is not the time to fantasize a naked Kenshin when I'm about to head out there and see him again. Focus, Soujiro, focus!

I walk towards the door that leads into the gymnasium, opening it to find myself surprised and coming face to face with the one guy I've been trying to avoid this entire week. He looks like he tried to look for me but then gave up, with the way he's standing there looking over his shoulder and his back turned towards me. We both stare at each other, at a loss for what to say. Was he seriously looking for me? Is he here to apologize for how horrible he's been to me?

And am I.. ready to forgive him?

He finally speaks, "Teacher was looking for you. You better hurry up or you'll get a zero for the day."

I want to.. I want to stay angry at him.. Is that wrong?

Kenshin..

He turns around and is about to walk away from me, back into the world where we both pretend that we don't know each other or care about each other. And for some reason or another, my hand seems to have a mind of its own and quickly reach out to take him by the shoulder.

"Wait. Kenshin." He slowly turns his head around to look at me with an unsure gait, so I let my eyes falter towards the floor to avoid his eyes, "I.. I'm sorry. For that horrible text message. I take it back, every single word of it."

I don't want to return to that world, Kenshin. I don't want to pretend that you and I could just be strangers for the rest of this school year. I can't. I won't.

Please.

I jump inwardly in surprise as Kenshin rolls his shoulder away from my hand, "It's fine, let's just go."

How can I make you stay with me instead?

How can I make you see that what I have to offer you..

Is something that is hard to resist?

"Wait a second. There's something I have to show you." I feel my lips smiling, to orchestrate another manipulative plot against him.

I know what you want.

You want control.

You want to feel like you can destroy me with the truth about me.

I can give you that.

And more.

Kenshin smiles in disbelief before scoffing, "Nice try, but after what you did at your party, I don't think I could ever trust you alone with me ever again."

"It won't be like that. Trust me. It's about my previous school. You must be curious about that.. aren't you?"

Yes. Because I know you're keeping tabs on me on Facebook. The same way I do with you. So why not throw something your way so that I can have my way with you?

He bolts around to stare at me wide-eyed now, "How did you..?!"

"I'm sorry? I mean," I play up my confusion by frowning at him, "I thought you wanted to learn more about me. But we need to go some place private. Do you know a place?"

His expression softens to annoyance now, so he sighs, "The PE shed outside the corner is fine."

Perfect. He starts walking on and I follow right behind him, smiling secretly to myself. This is just great. I get to be alone with him again. Once I have him right where I want him, I'm going to show him just how good it'll feel to be with me. You'll see. We walk outside, the sun beating down on our heads. It's quite warm out for October. I'll have to enjoy the warm weather before the brutality of winter comes through. We both turn to a corner to head inside the shed that the school keeps to put away extra sporting goods there. As soon as we are inside the shed, I quickly whip around to shut the door, creating a loud banging sound that surely spooked him.

I rush towards him as soon as he turns around and he cries out in shock, "What the fu―!"

I grab him by the face and start kissing his lips furiously, my body shocked with the pleasure of sparks as I welcome his warmth. He starts to struggle, whining against my lips as he tries to grab my waist to push me away from him. But as the seconds go by and I brave myself in sliding my tongue inside his mouth, his grasp on my waist tightens before softening, and he stands still as I go on a town on his mouth. Soon he massages my waist with his hands, kissing me back. God. That's right. Kiss me back.

I'm in heaven, once more.

We slowly pull apart, and I whisper against his lips, "I missed you. So much."

It's strange. I don't know if that's the truth, or not. But it felt right to say it at that moment, with the way he's gaping at me right now. I smile at him, never the less.

"It's okay, Kenshin. I know you want the information. I know. And I will give it to you, if you could agree to one thing."

He stares at me, doubt creeping inside his eyes, ".. What is it?"

I look into his eyes, my smile fading into a self assured grin. I lean in slowly, my eyes nearly rolling into the back of my head as I close them, my lips making their way back to where they belong: Right on Kenshin's lips, who is now moaning with nervousness. That did not stop him from pulling me into a hug now, keeping his lips firmly against mines as he grabs a fistful of my hair on the back of my head, just so that he can control this kiss. I let him. It feels so good to let him finally lower his walls down for me, and be himself.

I guess I was wrong. Kenshin is sexually attracted to other guys, after all.

We gradually start to descend to the floor as we make out, unbeknownst to the both of us. I pull away from the kiss so that I can start tackling the strings on the front of his gym shorts, my spine tingling at the sound of his quickening breath. If I was brave, I'd let him fuck me right here, right now. But that's too risky, even for me. I think a hand job or maybe a quick blowjob is in order for this time around. With his cock in my hand, I gaze into his eyes, and his pupils dilate before expanding completely, reaching until I could hardly see the purples left anymore. I've never seen his eyes like this before.

Maybe he has a crush on me too.

That's.. exactly what I want. I smile at him before I slant over his lap, suckling on the head of his cock. It's been maybe a week since I've tasted his cock, and I nearly moan in the back of my neck at the deliciousness of it all. I can't help it; I'm addicted to his taste. He tries to bite down a groan, but I could hear it anyway. Goddammit, maybe I should let him fuck me. On second thought, maybe I can exploit him into having him come over to my place after school today? My dad won't be home. He already told me that he'll be gone until Monday.

We'll have the rest of the day to let loose.

But first.. I'll let him have a sneak peak of just how amazing sex with me will feel like.

I sit back up again, looking at him seductively as I start to moan and sigh and whisper while masturbating him, "Right there, yes, oh god.."

"Hah.." He gasps, shutting his eyes as his breath quickens even faster than before, his face taking on a rosy hue now. I keep whispering sexy things to him, coaxing his orgasm to come as quickly as possible. I don't know how much time we have left until the teacher realizes we're both missing in action, so it would do us good to have Kenshin cum right about now. As he looks at me with the faces I'm making towards him, just to let him see how I would look like if he ever wants to penetrate me from behind.. his body stiffens with a flinch, and I knew what's coming next. I quickly go down again to cover the top half of his cock with my mouth, enjoying the excitement of tasting him explode inside my mouth, and the way he cries out pleasure.

I knew I was good at this. I practiced for a long time perfecting my techniques.

And it was all worth it.

As I swallow the last drop of his semen, I sit back up, smiling at him as I cup the sides of his face gently with my hands. His eyes open with a tiresome flutter, and I smile wider at his cute expression now. I wonder if he likes to sleep after sex. I'd do anything to be able to sleep right next to him in bed right about now.

I whisper to him gently, "I'll give you all the information. All I want is for us to have sex with each other."

His face now takes on an expression of bewilderment, and I couldn't help but giggle at him, "I mean it. No commitment. No relationship. Just you fucking me, and me sucking you off anytime you want. Nobody has to know. Nobody. It's just a world where only we exist to each other. It'll be fun.. How about it?"

I see that flash of doubt and uncertainty in his eyes again, prompting me to quickly lean in and start to make out with him again. Just so that he'll know how good it can really feel. I'm giving my body to you, Kenshin. You can do whatever you want with it. I've waited too long and played nice for too long to turn back now. It's now or never.

What will you choose?

I break away from the kiss, just a centimeter away from his lips. I want to keep kissing him. But I must hear his answer.

Please say yes, Kenshin.

Please.

He grunts, ".. Sure. I.. I'd like that."

Yessssss!

I smile at him wickedly, "Perfect. Let's meet up at my mansion after school."

He doesn't respond, and so I take this as an opportunity to kiss him once again. He moans softly, enjoying my tongue wrestling against his own. I break away, just to whisper against his lips hungrily, "You're finally mine.. Kenshin Himura."

He grunts at me, his cheeks flushing. Still unsure of what else to say, he just merely closes his eyes and lets me continue kissing him for about a moment, before we break away from the kiss and help each other up to get back to our gym class. Kenshin said absolutely nothing to me the rest of the day; I have to wonder if maybe he's deadly nervous about what's yet to come. I, on the other hand, could not be more excited. We are taking our relationship to the next level! This is just great and exactly what I've worked so hard for!

I'll make this visit worth his while.

After school, Kenshin is still mute as I drive him back to my place in my car. Although he is an introvert and always was more on the quiet side, this silence seems deeper and louder than before. I could talk to him or ask him questions, but I did not wanted to upset the balance between us. Not while the promise of sex is just around the corner. I just drive us quietly to my house and put my car inside the garage. I turn off the engine, beaming at Kenshin as I finally break the silence with a whisper, "We're here."

His eyes flinch, seemingly caught off guard. He doesn't look at me, opting to just stare at his own lap instead. Poor Kenshin. I can't imagine how nervous he must feel. I wonder if maybe it's his first time having sex with another guy. Well, that's no problem. I like taking other guys' virginity. It kind of makes me feel powerful and in control for once in my life. I look at him for a moment, just giving him some time to say something.

But alas, he still doesn't say anything, opting to just nod his head as if to acknowledge what I just said.

I lean in slightly, careful not to go too fast as I do so, ".. Are you okay?"

He gulps, shutting his eyes. But he nods his head again, mumbling, "Y-yeah. I am."

"Are you worried about something?"

"No."

"Really?"

He turns to me, surprised that I am brave enough to ask him that. But at the sight of the genuine concern look in my face, his expression softens, and he takes a moment to ponder on what to say next. Finally, he looks at me with a frown, "Is your dad here?"

"He's not here. I promise. His car would've been parked here or outside the house if he was."

He grunts, still unsure. Despite that, he turns his head to face onward and nods once more, "Okay. Yeah."

I giggle, "You're so cute when you're scared."

He snaps his head at me to scoff, "I'm not scared!"

"Great!" I beam at him again, "I'll get your door, wait right here!"

Before he could respond, I quickly unbuckle my seat belt and get the car door right next to me to get out of the vehicle. I walk around the front of my car to get to his passenger door to open it, and he looks at me with hesitation. I lend my hand out, smiling at him, "It's okay, Kenshin. Really. It's just the two of us."

He looks at my belt buckle (Interesting!) and sighs, unbuckling his own seat belt so that he can get out also. He takes my hand to haul himself out of my car, locking the door behind him. The car beeps twice politely to signal that it has locked itself automatically, and we look into each other's eyes as his hand is in mine. We share a moment of intimacy as I smile at him, and he just looks back at me with a softness that I have never seen before. I know this is scary for you, Kenshin. Truth be told, I'm a little scared, too. I've had sex with enough guys to know what it feels like, but.. I've never had sex with someone as different as you are.

But you're worth it. You're worth squashing my own fears and facing them together with you. At that thought, I lean in to give him a quick, soft peck on his lips before gently dragging him from behind me to head inside the mansion.

"Close your eyes." I instruct him with a whisper, and he does so. We walk out of the kitchen and into the living room. Kenshin has been here before, during that house party I threw secretly in his honor. Only this time, it's the middle of the day, so no doubt this place looks different. There's no one else here except us, and there's no loud music to be played; just the peaceful quiet between two boys that are about to become lovers.

We stand in the middle of the living room, and I let go of his hand with a smile as I press something on my phone to activate the window shutters to open all around us, "Welcome."

Kenshin opens his eyes with a soft sound from under his throat, probably surprised at the blinding light trying to peak through the window blinds now. He takes his sweet time at gazing around this entire area now, as if this is his very first time here at my mansion. Well, like I said before, my mansion seems so much more different in the daytime than it is at night. Now he can see all the art on the walls and how this place is usually decorated. Father always hires only the finest decorators in the world, so we are always living in style. He looks so cute as he takes all the details in like an awe-struck child. I couldn't help but walk up in front of him to stroke my finger under his chin, inspecting his handsome face up close.

"Shall I get you something to drink?" I whisper at him in a dark, proactive tone, which succeeded in hooking his attention on me now, "Sherry perhaps?"

"We can't drink, that's illegal." He answers me in jest, and I snigger under my throat as I turn around and wink at him from behind my shoulder. I head into the kitchen to find my father's alcoholic collection that he keeps under the sink. He loves his drinks, and has a knack for grabbing a bottle from wherever he travels to. I grab the sherry bottle and pour it into two mini wine glasses. This should be enough to calm Kenshin down and then some.

I can't believe this is about to fucking happen.

I'm about to have sex with Kenshin Himura.

I can't believe he even said yes to all of this today! I thought it would take at least a couple of months of coaxing to get him to agree to something like this. That boy probably loves sex more than I realize. I gulp, my smile fluttering from the corner of my lips. Now I'm the one who should calm down.

I walk back into the living room where I see Kenshin studying a portrait hung on the wall. All of my traveling from around the world has served to keep me cultured in the art world. It would be nice to go visit a museum with Kenshin someday, and have him enjoy what I get to live with in my world. Though I know this is all just temporary.. I think he and I can stay friends after we're done banging each other. I still talk to a couple of "exes" that I had sex with before, even if it's not as often as I'd like. But if I'm ever around in their local areas, I know those two would always be up and ready to go for round two with me, so it's nice to keep in communication with your ex-hookups for situations like that.

I hand him the glass of sherry and he watches me as I down my own like its nothing. I sigh with contentment once its all gone down my stomach, and he shakes his head incredulously at me, "Amazing."

I giggle, "Yes, I am. Well go on, then, drink up. It's imported. Really tasty."

"Down the hatchet it goes!" He exclaims like a child before also doing the exact same thing as I've done with my own drink: downing it all down like its nothing at all. He sighs as well, and I couldn't help but chuckle at his cuteness. He's so sweet and dorky, I can't believe it. I take our respective glasses and place them on a small table near us, straightening up my back to look at Kenshin as he once again looks around this place, thoughts playing on his facial features now. I wonder what's on that sweet dork's mind now. I walk up towards him slowly, catching him by surprise as he asks me, "Hey um.. Where is everyone?"

He's so cute.

I'm going to devour him.

"My father? He's on a business trip in Taiwan. He'll be gone all of this weekend. And I gave the cleaning team and our butler the weekend off. I know how to pick up after myself." I wrap my arms around his neck, gazing deep into his eyes as his own widens for a moment before his eyelids slid halfway down into a state of lust, "Let's go upstairs. I have some things to show you."

"I think I have an idea of what they are.." He whispers before leaning in to kiss my lips achingly, sparks of electricity flying inside my body as he does so. I moan quietly as he tongue wrestles with me passionately, his arms wrapping tightly around my mid-section as we make out happily. This is already the best day of my life since coming here to Kyoto. I know there will be many more amazing days to come, but for now, I'm enjoying the perfection of this moment right here with Kenshin.

He tries to break away from the kiss, but I simply lunge forward to continue. My eagerness seem to have knocked him over quite literally as he lands right on his back over the couch. I continue to kiss him greedily before I lean back to start unzipping his leather jacket to reveal his shirt, panting as I can feel both of us hardening against each other. Oh god. Oh fucking god! It's happening! It's really, finally happening! My eyes seem to lose focus as my hands selfishly start to go for his belt and jean zipper. I hear him chuckle underneath his breath, and I hum with a smile, asking him quietly what's so funny. Do I seem that out of it? He answers with just a peck on my bottom lip.

"Follow me." I whisper wantonly, my fingers expertly snapping open the front of my shirt to reveal my chest and torso to him, my breathing ragged as he looks at my body with a heady gaze. I start to walk backwards, staring at his face all the while. He struggles to get up from the couch with his pants now open and dragging around his thighs this time. I smile secretly to myself at the sight of this, enjoying how much I love toying with him.

This is fun.

He's fun.

And nothing else matters except getting what I want.

As soon as the back of my heels reaches the first step of my twirling stairwell, I promptly turn around to start climbing up. He also starts climbing the stairs right behind me, trying to make sure he keeps steady with the way his jeans are trying to slide all the way down. Once I read towards the top, I am then ambushed by Kenshin as he finally reaches behind me, kissing and gnawing the back of my neck. I exhale, groaning at how delicious the sensation of him sucking my sensitive skin there. Okay, I think I know exactly what kind of lover he is: an overzealous one. I should get ready for an entire day of heavy pounding from this tiger. I moan as his hands starts stroking over my naked chest, nipples, and stomach. He keeps kissing my neck and is now trying to grab my ear while we both start to stagger through the hallway.

Fuck.

This is going to be fun!

We collided through the door of my bedroom now, making out with each other furiously as we do so. We are being so reckless and loud, but I just love it! We start to undress with haste, my face burning up with desire. As soon as I am completely in the nude, I hop onto my bed and watch as Kenshin looks up at me just as I disappear into the sheer folds of my canopy sheets so that I can disappear. Kenshin stands there with hesitation, taking his sweet time in coming over the bed, looking through the the hole of the canopy sheets to find me lying on the mattress, naked and waiting for him. I smile at him, and he gulps in sheer anticipation.

We don't share the same heart.

But that's what makes me want this all the more.

We're so different, you and I..

I can get rid of you once I'm through with you.

I sit up in time with him hovering over my body so that my lips once again take reign with his, kissing him with vigor. Kissing him is always a treat. He breaks away from the kiss just so that he can drink in the image of my body with his eyes, and I can feel myself taking in shallow breaths as he does so. It feels so erotic having him look at me like this. His eyes meet mines and I can see those irises shrinking and expanding, going with his equal shallow breathing. The air is thick with intensity, and his eyes keep swooping over every detail of my body, until I couldn't take it anymore and start to stroke his beautiful hair through my fingers. He takes this as an invitation to start making out with me again, draping his body over mines. I make a soft sound under my breath, his body delicious against my own.

He starts to lean away from me, his hand suddenly hovering over my throat. I blink softly, a little confused. His hand slowly grasps my neck, and I hear myself whispering, "Kenshin.."

He doesn't respond, and I can't see his face. His grasp starts to tighten, and I still can't see him. My eyes snap open, feeling my oxygen cutting off. My hands start to move towards his hand and I whisper again, trying to get his attention, "Kenshin..!"

Wait. No. He's not trying to kill me, is he? I've heard of this kind of situation happening to boys like me before. They get together with some guy, and that other guy just suddenly ups and kills them in a homophobic rage. I can feel my heart beating rapidly against my chest, and I start to struggle with his hand wrapped tightly around my neck. The sound of me chocking finally got to him, and he nearly flies backward in shock, his eyes wide with fear as I sit up in a coughing fit. I rub my throat with my hand as I try to catch my breath, and he starts to stumble over his words, his face blushing hard.

"I'm.. I'm sorry, Soujiro, I.."

I pant, a little caught off by this weirdness. Is he.. the kinky type? Well, if that's the case, I can be kinky too. I have the toys to prove so. I don't know what half of them are supposed to do in bed, but I figure it wouldn't hurt to experiment with Kenshin if he lets me. I respond hoarsely, "It's okay. Really. I just wonder what has gotten into you.."

"We should stop before I end up doing something that could hurt you―" He turns around to get off the bed, but I quickly grab him to smack him back onto the mattress again, my hands pinning against his shoulders, "―Let go!"

"I actually liked it." I smile at him, my face hanging over his and I watch as his expression melts into one of confusion. But then his face takes on a mild sort of annoyance and he tries to move, to no avail; my hands simply pin against his shoulders harder, much to his frustrations. He growls in protest, but I simply chuckle at his cute aggressive face before leaning in to start kissing him again. He moans weakly, his boner springing back to life against my own. I stop kissing him and start to move myself down towards his groin area, leaning on my elbows before I gently take a hold of his cock to bring it near my lips. I take a soft, slow lick against the length of his dick, and his breath hitches at that.

"Fuck." He whispers, my spine tingling in excitement as a response.

We've come too far, and there's no way I'm letting him back out now.

I've waited for far too long already.

He's mine.

"Maybe if you like how good I am at sucking your cock, I could compliment on how good you are at chocking me. What do you say?" My hot breath hits his cock, making him visibly anxious for more. Well, if that's what he wants! I lean in to start tickling the slit of his cock with the tip of my tongue, pushing Kenshin into slowly tossing his head back with a quick inhale out of surprise.

"Soujiro, not like that, I'll.. I'll..!"

I quit doing that and giggle at him, "What? Cum?"

I thought that's what you wanted. And yet you sit there just staring at the ceiling. What's going through that head of yours, I wonder. This must be quite a shocking day for you, really. Actually, I'd say this has to be one of the most strangest situations in your entire life. I look at you as you think to yourself. Maybe you're having second thoughts. Maybe this is already too much for you and you would probably tell me that you want to go home. Well, not on my watch. I continue to lick and suck him off, his writhing and groaning turning me on even more than before.

He finally cums down my throat and I swallow it all like a champ. To tell you the truth, I have never swallowed any guy's load before. I always remember to spit it out. I'd do it when the guy wasn't looking, of course, just so I won't be rude to his face. But I figured since I wasn't in a legitimate relationship with any of them, save for maybe one, I had no reason to do so. I never even swallowed Okita's cum before; he was my very first time in sex, and I just didn't felt ready to do that yet.

But with Kenshin.. I want to experience it. I want to experience it all with him.

I don't get it.

Once I'm done swallowing, I climb over his body and just let myself drape over him. I kiss the bridge of his nose and nuzzle my face against his affectionately, and thankfully, he lets me. I start to scratch his arm with my fingernails softly, purring as I rub my cheek against his happily. He wraps one arm around my back before he sighs, satisfied with my service. I hum, whispering, "I shouldn't have made you cum so quickly. I want you to fuck me."

Maybe I'm crazy, but I swear I could feel his heartbeat pounding in between both of our chests that are now pressed against each other. It makes my own run a little bit faster, too..

Sex with him has to be insane if he's the kinky type. I'm so down for that right now.

"And.." I hear Kenshin mumbling, unsure of himself, "You are sure that we are.. alone in this house, right?"

I can't help but giggle at how nervous he seems all of a sudden.

"Of course. Like I said, my dad is away on a business trip and won't be back until Monday night. I made all of the cleaning team members go for the weekend. I haven't made any social plans with anyone for the weekend, and I was hoping that.." I start dragging my fingernails against his arm harder, ".. That you would like to spend time with me this weekend."

"You mean, like.. like sleep over here?"

"Mmhmm.."

I start to drag my fingernails against his flesh harder and harder as Kenshin continues to ramble, "I'll have to.. text Hiko.. and the guys so that they don't freak out.. but then that just leaves me with not having any clothes.. Hah.. I mean.. I guess.. Hmm..! I guess.. We could.. Unngh.. This weekend..!"

"Good. Don't you worry about anything, Kenshin," I whisper into his ear hotly before I start tonguing the outer shell of it, "I'll take good care of you. I promise."

He grunts and writhes slightly over my tonguing his earlobe. I can feel something hard pressing against my inner thigh, and I look down to see, much to my happiness, him getting hard again. At least I don't have to worry about him having a broken dick; I can't tell you how many times I've had to wait for a guy to get hard, stay hard, or get hard again after an orgasm because they've been wacking it over porn for so long. I can't even stand the sight of a single pornographic image without feeling nauseated, so thankfully, I've never been suckered into that kind of habit.

I climb out of bed to bend down to reach under my bed for something. In the next moment, I nearly fling my shiny black box of secrets onto the mattress, surprising Kenshin in the process. I grab my ring of keys that I keep hidden above the bed slats and underneath the mattress, and start to unlock the box. Kenshin blinks in curiosity as I open the lid and let him see all of my sex toys of any kind that he can imagine, and I watch as he leans on his elbows and gasps to himself, "Holy shit.. You keep all of this in your room?"

"Yup," I smile at him gently as he rummages through the box, "Have a look around, you'll find something you will like."

I watch as Kenshin pulls out his first pick, which is a long chained pair of handcuffs. He blushes at the sight of it, and even I can feel the rising heat on my cheeks as well. I've never been handcuffed before, now that I think about it. But there's always a first try in everything, and I want to experience it all with Kenshin. I look on his face as thoughts flash across his mind, his eyes still fixated on the pair of handcuffs. I wonder what he's thinking about now. No doubt he has to be impressed with all of this. But then I see something wash over his expression, his brows furrowing and a slight brunch on the edges of his nose.

He suddenly doesn't look happy. What happened?

"Hey.. Are you okay?" I lean in to try to touch his face gently, but he turns his face away from my hand before I have the chance to do so.

Oh no.

What now?

He replies with a bitter tone of voice now, "It's just bullshit. Do you like to just do whatever the fuck you please just because you're rich?"

I don't know what to say to that. I let my eyes look at him for a moment before letting them trail down towards my own lap, feeling self conscious all of a sudden. I don't know what he's even talking about. Doing whatever the fuck I please just because I'm rich? What's that supposed to mean? Where is all this even coming from? Are we not having fun with each other just now? At that thought, I open my mouth cautiously to say something, anything, but then decide against it. He's already in a bad mood, and I don't want to make it any worse if I can help it.

But Kenshin wouldn't back down, and I flinch at him suddenly barking, "Well?"

Alas, I have nothing more to say. My eyes are arrested to the hands on my kneecaps that are now grasping onto them in shame, my bangs hiding my eyes to shield myself away from him. I hear a soft grunt coming from him, and while I expected him to interrogate me further.. he instead places the handcuffs back inside Pandora's Box, and rummages through my toys some more. Again, I don't know where his sour mood is coming from, or why he even asked me that question. Maybe I do look like an asshole right now; an asshole with shiny toys and a great big house with lots of beautiful shit that I don't think about during the day, but that most people would do anything to get a hold of.

I'm just an over privileged, fucking asshole.

Just like my dad.

Kenshin fishes out something new this time. I haven't used them myself like I have with the other toys. I knew it had to be for something important, or for something incredibly kinky. Either way, I knew I had to buy it when I saw it online. I gaze at this boy in front of me as he studies this contraption in his hand, turning the nipple pinchers slowly to look at it from different angles. His brows knit together lightly in confusion over what he's looking at, probably a first looking at something like this. I scoot myself closer to him, slowly, carefully, soundlessly, just to be able to sit right next to him. I can feel the side of my outer thigh touching his own as I finally reach my hand over to set it over his that are now holding the pincher, making him look at me.

I look back at him, and he's staring at me in a deeper shade of confusion now. I grasp his hand tighter as I whisper, "I'm a bad person, Kenshin."

He looks at me with a grunt, even more thrown off now than before. My eyes sting with tears as I whisper once more, "Please. You have to punish me. It's the only way."

"W-what? You're not.. a bad person, Soujiro.. Hnn..!" Kenshin whimpers as I slowly drag my finger along the side of his privates now, trying to arouse him to get him to do as I say.

Because at the end of the day, even if I am just as bad as my father.. I still deserve to get whatever I want.

"Please.." I lean in courageously to whisper hotly into his ear now, tonguing the inside of it to tease him, "I want you to hurt me. Hurt me like I know you've always wanted to since day one."

I keep stroking my finger against his member as I continue to prob my tongue into his ear canal, moaning softly as I do so. His entire body stiffens and I swear I could feel his spine tingling from where I'm sitting at. That's it. Feel the pleasure of my body against yours. Feel the rush of being able to do something sinister in your life that has nothing to do with breaking the law like some punk ass idiot. Feel the boldness of finally being able to succumb to your curiosities about me. I know you want this. I know you want to do this more than anything in the world.

And I am serving myself on a silver platter just for you.

So take it.

Take me.

Do what your instincts tell you.

Just do it.

DO IT NOW!

I suddenly start screaming in pain as I feel the sharp pain of the clamps compressing on my sensitive nipples, and Kenshin's eyes snap open to see the damage. He looks every bit as shocked as one would expect, and he hurriedly tries to get these things off of me. I move rapidly against his decision by grabbing both of his wrists. I look at him pointedly and he looks back at me, aghast over all of this. I don't say anything and just let the silence do the talking. The tears are still hot and fresh inside my eyes, and my stomach quivers in both nervousness and sexual enticement.

I'm going to manipulate you some more.

"Leave them on." I whisper wantonly before leaning in to start licking his bottom lip seductively, and that seemed to have switched something on inside of him; his fingers press onto the clamps harder now, making me groan and whimper from the increasing pain and pressure. At the risk of sounding like a baby, I'm already not liking this. Not the messing around with Kenshin part, but these things he's dead set on using it on my nipples. They hurt so much and I just want them off of me. But I know his type and I have to play along accordingly. I still want to be perfect in his eyes, and if I have to suffer a lot to reach my goal faster, so be it. I can always heal my body later on when Kenshin's not around. Truth be told, this isn't the first time I've had a so called violent lover.

I should be used to it by now.

I can feel Kenshin's hand now grabbing my chin firmly to get me to look at him fully, his lips attacking my own to resume our making out session. His tongue dives deep inside my mouth and I can feel myself floating on air. I arch my back slightly and moan happily, kissing him back and stroking his member more faster now with my entire hand this time. That makes him more ferocious than before, taking the time to start gnawing on the side of my neck hungrily as a response. I grit my teeth, teetering inside a world between pleasure and pain from his biting and the clamps still on my nubs. I can feel his fingernails digging into the side of my hips, prompting me to spread my legs and letting him bring my bottom over his lap.

"Yeah.." I pant, "Fuck.."

He starts to climb over me to overpower me and force me to lie down on the mattress completely, bringing his face down so that he can start tonguing my nipple in between the metal clamp. My body twitches and I squirm from the queer pangs of electrified pleasure and pain coursing through me now, loving it yet feeling overwhelmed by it all. I groan helplessly as he moves his mouth to my other nipple now, torturing me with his game. I love this so much. Everything I've worked so hard for is coming to fruition. This might just be the best sex I'll ever have; it will defeat even that overzealous moron I met in Russia who tried so hard to get me to sleep with him. I think after all this time, I do feel some sympathy towards that young man from back then. When you meet someone as incredible as Kenshin, of course you will do whatever it takes to get them to like you back.

I guess I am the overzealous moron myself.

So sue me.

"Hnn! Please.. Kenshin.. Ha..!"

"What's wrong? I thought this is what you wanted, you little shit."

I can feel my cheeks rising in heat now. He sounded so hot and sexy that it completely catches me off guard. I guess the look on my face excites him, because I can feel his dick getting harder and rubbing against my inner thigh now. He gently takes the clamps off of my nipples before blowing on them softly, as a way to soothe the bruising they left behind. Remind me to never use something that hard on my nipples ever again. I grit my teeth at first from the stinging pain that the soft blowing from him is doing, but then it delves into a strange kind of pleasure now, leaving me groaning with delight.

I think I'm ready to receive all of him now.

I gingerly begin to sit up and he reacts accordingly, sitting back onto the mattress and watches me as I dip my hand back into the black box to find exactly what it is I'm looking for: personal lubricant. From the mere sight of it, Kenshin stiffens all over again, watching me carefully as I smile at him daintily. He's obviously nervous and he's definitely a virgin in that way.

"Don't worry," I reassure him calmly, "I'm not going to fuck you. It's you I want to do me. Get it?"

He exhales, blinking at himself. I guess he's been holding his breath for all this time. He comes back to Earth and nods, "Okay. Sure."

Gah, he's so adorable! I giggle, "So much enthusiasm for getting laid."

"I-it's my first.." He gulps and I look at him with curiosity, "My first time.. with a boy."

Are we surprised to learn this today, class?

"That's okay. I'll guide you." I smile wider, my own cock hardening and ready to experience an exploding orgasm soon.

Kenshin immediately snorts with a bristle, "I don't need you to do that. I can find my way around."

Oh, Kenshin. Your arrogance will cost you your life one day. But not today. Because once today is over and so will our affair ends when we graduate, I won't care when your last day here on Earth will be. It is of no concern of mine. You only exist to please me and that's it.

"Perfect!" I beam at him, flipping the cap open the cap to pour the clear gel into my hand, "I'm gonna lube you up, so get ready."

"Fuck you." He rolls his eyes.

"Soon, I promise." I wink flirtatiously at him (much to his annoyance) and guide my now slick hand to his cock, my partner now shivering so I quickly reassure him, "It'll warm up when I rub it in."

He grunts from the cold at first, but then he flinches and groans uncomfortably at the pleasure building up the more I pump his member in my hand. Soon his entire frame relaxes into my touch and his low moans on the back of his throat as he watches me masturbate me sends a shiver up my spine yet again. I alternate different pressure points on his shaft, watching him carefully as his breathing hitches here and there, the way he bites his lower lip, how the skin on his face and chest fades to a rosier hue.. it's almost too much already for me to bear. After a while, I stop stroking him and get on all fours, looking over my shoulder to let him know that I'm ready. He gulps dryly once before he hastily moves himself behind me, his hands now on my hips shakily.

Oh god.

This is it.

The moment I've been waiting for.

I can feel Kenshin adjusting himself behind me, and I take a deep breath in. I exhale, my body relaxing for him completely. The air is thick with anticipation as I can feel him hesitate before I finally feel that first prick of him entering me. I still myself, my eyes concentrating on the back of my hands and trying to stay calm. He finally braves himself to plunge himself in, and I hear myself gasping without warning. Once he's halfway through, he pushes one more time to get inside of me completely.

Now I hear him gasping, and the hair on the back of my neck stands up.

I didn't know he could sound so.. innocent at a moment like this.

My face lights up on fire over this thought. What am I saying? Who cares if he sounds innocent? This is my time! This is about me and my orgasm! I don't.. I don't ca..

"Huhnn.." I almost made a sound as I can feel his hands now sliding up to grab a hold of my waist but shut my lips, trying to not make a single sound so that I don't look stupid in front of him. He starts thrusting and then I hear another sound that surprises me: a wavering whimper or a whine coming from Kenshin, a sound that no doubt doesn't make its appearance in his daily life often. It sounds weak, unsure, but also delighted at this new discovery. My face turns hotter at this, grasping the mattress sheets from beneath us.

Soon he is thrusting into me in a more self-assured manner, and I can feel my eyes rolling back in pleasure, letting my forehead slap downward into the curve of the inside of my elbow to enjoy the ride, "Uhnn, yes.. Yeah.."

He slows down his thrusting and I just lie there, waiting for him to continue. But suddenly he's mumbling to himself, something about wondering about what to use in the box. I don't respond to him, opting to just wait to see what he does next. I feel his body behind me move in a new way now, as if trying to bend or reach over to grab something on the side of us. Suddenly, I hear something vibrating quietly and I gasp and nearly cry out in pleasure as Kenshin takes the vibrating toy to the length of my own cock. All while plunging himself into me harder and faster than before, my hands curling into my bed sheets in ecstasy.

It's too much..!

I groan firmly into the mattress as he moves that damn vibrator towards the sensitive head of my dick, all while taking in his own cock rapidly plunging in and out of my hole. It seems that he is using that toy to make sure I keep contracting around his cock with my ass, and I couldn't help but smirk secretly to myself. I guess he's a fast learner. Never the less, I grab a hold of his wrist that is holding the toy before breathing out helplessly, "Enough.. Kenshin.. I'm going to cum too fast!"

He laughs under his breath bemusedly, but respects my wishes before tossing the toy to the side. It is quiet again. I am left with just a couple of hot seconds of getting a hold of myself before he firmly grabs my hips and starts fucking me in a harsher way this time, taking me by surprise. My line of vision shakes and vibrates and I toss my head back with a cry, gritting my teeth as I can feel one of his hands pulling me by my hair to keep my head up for him. My eyes watches the ceilings above me this time, my body blooming and doused into a sea of euphoria. I guess I really am in for a treat to have sex with the resident bad boy from Kyoto.

My breathing is erratic and I can't stop moaning in bliss from all of this, but the faster he goes, soon the soft moans delves into screams of elation. God, this feels good.. this feels so good! I can't take it! I can't! It's too much!

My mouth opens on its own and I scream out, "Hah, Kenshin! Fuck!"

Kenshin, I think I love y-

I flinch, my stomach dropping. I can feel the familiar sting of tears welling up inside my eyes from that thought. From that filthy, disgusting, God forsaken thought. I can't.. No.. I'm not..!

I convulse and cum hotly onto the mattress below me, and Kenshin soon follows afterwards. I can feel his hot seed spilling inside of me, his groaning sending more shocks of shivers up my spine. As soon as he is done cumming inside of me, Kenshin simply lets himself fall onto the side next to me right on his back, panting heavily from all of that hard work. I am also panting to myself, my skin slick with perspiration. His cum is already trying to ooze out from my hole, my heart running rapidly from acknowledging that. My line of vision has stopped shaking from before, but now.. now it's like I'm trying to sleep on a water ship, and I feel seasick.

My eyes are still hot and wet with tears, and soon I couldn't hold it in anymore.

I start to weep quietly to myself.

It is silent at first. I try my best to keep it in as best I could. But soon, my whimpers have reached the ears of my companion, who is now quickly sitting up and running his hand over my upper back. More sparks. More shivers. More heat radiating on my face. I bite my lower lip, embarrassed beyond words. Why am I fucking crying at a moment like this?! Shouldn't I be happy? Triumphed by a job well done after waiting for so long? Kenshin maneuvers me so that I can sit up right on the bed, and I look from behind my bangs as he looks over my bed and the sheets beneath us, as if to find any signs of damage thanks to his recklessness. I sit still, watching him. For a ruffian, Kenshin suddenly looks like a caring little boy who is scared that he hit his pet too hard while playing with it.

Kenshin's voice is hushed but hurried with worry as he whispers: "Soujiro.. I'm.. I'm so sorry, I.."

His concerned face. The way he shakes his head in disbelief of what's happening to me. To us. It's almost.. eerily adorable. I smile at him, taking him by surprise, "Let's go take a shower together."

"Um.." He grunts, his eyes flashing from side to side, as if ready for a sudden ambush of some sort, "Are you.. Are you sure?"

I gape at him, caught off by that question. What does that even mean? Is he trying to go home already? I thought we were having fun, if not for my awkward tears. I snigger at him quietly, and he leans back a bit, "Don't be silly. Come on. Let's get washed up. My bathroom's amazing. You'll love it."

He looks at me worriedly, but I ignore that, opting to just take him by the wrist and slide myself out of the bed with him behind me. I let go so that I can step into my boxer briefs, and by instinct, Kenshin does the same with his own pair. As soon as his boxers are on, I grab his wrist yet again and nearly drag him to come with me into the bathroom, where it seems to take on an ominous darkness to it due to the cloudy overhead outside of the window. I turn on the lights, and Kenshin grunts again next to me, taking the scene around him in awe.

"Jesus Christ."

This boy I just had sex with takes his time in taking a gander around my bathroom, painstakingly gazing over all of the minuet of details that I've grown accustomed to. The flourishing caskets of wealth that I've long since buried my feelings in them, and all the while, he studies them with wide purple eyes in a way that speaks of astonishment. He looks over the sink and the mirror, the toilet and the bathtub where I enjoy soaking all of my troubles away. And believe me, I have spent many a nights in there before this moment between us has occurred. Kenshin has me so wracked with stress, and its easy to get lost in the moist heat thanks to that tub.

I lean against my door frame and cross my arms over my chest, smirking secretly to myself as he looks through my walk in shower. It's probably something he hasn't ever experienced before. And in that case, I'm more than happy to give him that experience for the first time today. I'm glad I got to take his virginity; at least, the virginity pertaining to the kind of sex I'm into versus the ones he's had with girls. I'll surely be the boy he will remember fondly for the rest of his life. Almost as if he read my mind, he turns his head to look me from over his shoulder and notices how I look towards him.

He scoffs with a bemused chuckle, "What?"

"You look so cute when you're looking at my stuff." I laugh in good nature, and he straightens up his back and steps away from the shower now to take a couple of steps towards me.

"Come on," He smiles at me and I can feel my own smile falter for some reason, "You should take a shower. I'll just go take a bath in that tub over there."

I tilt my head questionably to the side, "Why?"

"Why?" He nearly sneers at me with jest, my smile now completely gone and I can feel my brows furrowing deeper in confusion, "Dude, you were crying. And we just had wild sex. Or did you forget?"

He winks at me before he snickers to myself. Yes, I know we just had wild sex, so that's why I'm so confused as to why you're trying to build distance between us all over again. I straighten my head to face him on again and bravely demand, "Let's shower together instead."

Kenshin blushes at that and blinks rapidly at what I just said, "Um?"

I'm not going to let this slide. We've crossed the line of no return, and I am not going to let you distance yourself from me. I walk up to him, letting my arms drape around his neck to embrace him before whispering into his ear, "You've seen me naked already, haven't you? And I've seen you at your naked glory. So then what's the problem?"

His body once again stiffens at this physical affection, with the way his face falls into a deeper red while he fumbles with his wordings carefully, "Well, um.. I just.. I guess I'm still feeling weird over you crying like that. I felt like I hurt you or something. I figured we could just.. hnng.."

Hush now, puppy. I gaze into his face as he shuts his eyes closed, and the way he bites his bottom lip to keep himself from seeping out any more embarrassing noises. His form quivers ever so slightly as I stroke his sex from beneath his boxer shorts, and I feel my lips dividing into a self assured smile as I can sense the familiar hardening in that area. At that, I lean in to lick his bottom lip, politely asking him if I could come in. He opens the doorway of where his lips are, and I kiss him. He kisses me back, sighing in bliss at my expertise in my french kissing. I can feel myself hardening down in my nether regions, too, but opt to keep things chaste for now.

I break away from the kiss with a smile, "Let's shower now."

Like a good puppy, he nods, and lets me guide him into the walk in shower with me. I help him out of his boxer shorts before getting rid of my own to throw them both together on the floor outside of the shower in a messy heap. No longer will those boxer shorts be pristine; they will always contain the seedy secret of an illicit affair between two young men. I step out of the shower stall, completely in the nude now, to gather my smartphone from my bathroom sink and pressed through some buttons to get where I'm supposed to go. It is quiet for a moment until the entire bathroom dips into a deep black, and Kenshin holds his breath. In just a few seconds, a bluish glow lights up from underneath Kenshin's soles, and there is a fade in of a soundtrack playing from inside the walls. Jungle sounds for when I feel like immersing myself into the heart of Africa.

When the music started playing, so did the shower heads above him, the water raining over him. He sighs contently, carefully leaning his back against the wall behind him. I watch him before walking on over, the lights washing over his entire body like some kind of sex show. I gulp but keep my composure cool and collected as I ask him with a bright disposition, "Like it?"

I close the sliding door behind me so that we are now within this shower space together, locked away from the rest of the world. Kenshin really does look like some kind of archangel with the way the lights are playing with the colors of his skin and hair. His eyes open to look at me and he answers with a weak smile, probably from all the heat now, "I love it. Still, I'd like to know about something.."

I take a seat next to him, the water a welcoming delight on my tired skin. I take his hand into my own, looking at him as he tries to ease into a conversation that's not easy for him to begin with.

"First thing is.. why were you.. crying?" Kenshin strokes my cheek with the back of his knuckles, and my free hand comes up to take it into my hold so that I can guide it towards my lips to kiss them tenderly, "Soujiro, are you okay?"

Lie. Whatever you do, just lie. Life isn't fair. If you are as every bit as a human being as I am, you should know this by now. Nothing ever gets solved by being too honest. Nobody likes it when you let things get too real. So it's always better to just lie and pretend like everything is just peachy keen. It makes you more likeable. Popular, too. I smile at him, and his eyes widen slowly as I answer him sweetly, "I am okay. Now that I'm with you."

He looks so surprised at me saying that. Does he not believe me? Well, it's a ruse, to tell you the truth. But even I get bristled with anger if he doesn't believe in my fables, on account of how hard I've worked to appear perfect in his eyes. He mumbles quietly, "But.. why, then?"

"I just.. I just get weird after sex, I guess," I look away from him now, gazing softly at the tile floors, "After what happened to me in Tokyo.."

I suppose leaving Kenshin with just a piece of information for today will have to do for now. If I don't give him what he wants, he won't give me what I need. It's a contract we have made in spirit, and I have to hold up my end of the bargain. I sit there silently, trying to gather my thoughts, making sure that each sentence behind closed eyes are structured correctly and without error. I want to give him just enough so that he would feel bad for even asking in the first place, but not so much that he would feel strange in touching me again. At last, I blink the water out of my eyes as I look up at the shower heads above me, silently pleading to who ever is up there right now, to please help me gather the strength to go with this confession in one piece.

Here goes nothing.

"In Tokyo.. I was being bullied by a teacher." Had I imagined it, or did my breathing started to hitch? I shut my eyes painfully, the memory coming back to me like a slithering snake sliding up my secret garden, eyes glowing red with vengeance. No matter what happens, I mustn't get too emotional now, while Kenshin's inside my trap. I continue on carefully, "And I just.. I just tried not to let it get to me. I tried to just let it roll off my back. I had to. He knew my father, personally. My teacher used to have a brother who worked for the Seta Enterprise. A serious accounting error had lead to my father firing that brother of my teacher, and.. I guess that man had a lot on his plate other than losing a great job. It wasn't long until we all learned that he killed himself. So fate, being such a cruel mistress, brought me together with the teacher who lost his brother because of my family. Because of my dad.. because of m.."

I can't continue, and Kenshin knew. He takes a hold of my shoulder as if to stop me for continuing on any longer.

"Soujiro.. That wasn't your fault. You weren't responsible for that. Not even your father was responsible for that man's suicide. He made that choice alone. You had nothing to do with that."

Like hell.

I had everything to do what happened.

Everything is always my fault.

I look at him, my smile weak and unsure if I can believe him right now. A hiccup erupts from me, and my smile fades away from my face as I continue on with the account, "I guess.. I guess I should mention that the teacher tried to proposition me for sex as a way to get back at my father. I never did anything with him, though, but he insisted. I let him take my hand and.. I touched him. Down there. Until he came. I was fourteen."

"Jesus.."

Oh, don't give me that. Don't you dare look at me with pity now. Anything but that. My heart clenches painfully and bitterly inside my chest as he looks at me in a way that makes me want to sock him in the face with my fist.

But I held back.

"He did it to me for a few more years, and I kept it a secret. No one would believe me, anyway." I gulp, "But I guess one day I had enough. I had to move away when I told my father in confidence over what happened. He thought it'd be best for me to have a clean slate here in Kyoto. Start all over again, you know?"

Silence. The water continues to patter against the tiles and walls like an island storm. Maybe a vacation to an isolated island would be lovely for Kenshin and I. Imagine all the sandy, sweaty sex we could have together on a beach with no one else around to hurt us?

My fantasy is interrupted by Kenshin's voice, "Soujiro.. Thank you. For telling me all of this. I didn't know it was that bad for you."

As if on cue, I smile at him, "It's okay. Since I've met you.. I know things will be alright."

"I just have something else I want to ask you.." Kenshin hesitates and I can tell he feels shyer all of a sudden, "I still don't understand what you see in me."

"You're being too hard on yourself, Kenshin. I chose you because you're one of a kind. The red hair doesn't help your case, either."

"Oh, please.."

"Come on, let your hair down. I mean it."

I patiently wait as Kenshin's hands reach up towards his ponytail to take the tie out, his red hair draping over his shoulders and trying to stick itself onto his chest. That delectable chest that was heaving not even half an hour ago when he was plunging himself into me. I gulp, my member stiffening just a tad in warning, but I simply reach out to touch his hair instead of his own cock. I have to take control of myself if I don't want to be seen as out of my mind in his eyes; not while he's trusting me so much right now. Now's not the time to act like a fucking sexual deviant. I comb my fingers through his long hair, finding myself in awe and maybe slightly envious of its brilliant shade. Why couldn't I have been born with such beautiful hair? Brown hair is such a bore when Kenshin's standing right next to me. It's not fair.

My fingers soon catches onto a snarl of some sort, and Kenshin's eyebrows flinches in pain. His teeth bares quietly, almost wanting to hiss from either pain or annoyance. Poor thing. I stand up from my seat and go on over one wall that had an area molded inward for people to put in their bottles of hair care products in, and got my shampoo and conditioner out. Time for some after care. I turn around to sit back down next to Kenshin, opening the bottle of shampoo to pour some on my palm and mixing it together with both my hands. I then reach up to start lovingly rub the pads of my fingers against his scalp, and look as his eyes close back again with a soft flutter, his eyebrows arching with pleasure.

He soon smiles mutely, and I can feel myself breaking out into a silent one of my own, too.

I clean his scalp with the shampoo for a few minutes, really letting him have the time of his life. He looks so cute when he's relaxing! I turn around to turn a knob to make the water come down harder on us, enough so that the shampoo can rinse out as quickly as possible. I dial it back before getting to work again, this time with conditioning his hair. I even have taken the liberty of using my fingers to carefully detangle the snarls out of his hair, and thankfully with the high quality conditioner, it is thankfully not a struggle for the both of us. I then use a bar of soap near me to start washing his arms and chest area, trying my best not to let my arousal get the better of me.

Not now. Not while everything is perfect.

Kenshin doesn't let my hands go anywhere near his face, and he takes his own hands that are full of soap suds to wash it by himself instead. That is an interesting reaction to me trying to move towards that direction, but I don't protest. Maybe some other time, he will let my hands come closer to his face. I know his type. He's going to still resist the truth about himself when it comes to being attracted to other guys. It's not an easy thing to admit, especially in a country like Japan that still does not allow homosexual marriages. It further cements the theory inside my head that maybe it's for the best that he and I don't have a real relationship with each other.

After what happened between Okita and I.. the last thing I want to do is let my heart suffer through pain like that again. I've got my own future to worry about. There's no use trying to wish for things to be different.

"All done." I exhale with a smile while turning the shower heads on harder again to rinse everything off of Kenshin, "Now it's my turn. You can continue resting here."

"Hm?" One of Kenshin's eyes open to look at me, "Do you want me to wash you too?"

I shake my head, "It's alright. I'll manage."

And it is this moment precisely that I will learn that Kenshin is just as persistent as I am.

If not more so.

Kenshin opens his other eye to look at me with a hint of confusion before he says something that I won't soon ever forget: "I don't mind. Really."

He doesn't mind? He doesn't mind touching me affectionately? I gape at him, stunned by this. His eyebrows frown deeper at my strange reaction, and I take a moment to slowly turn my head away from him to look at the floor instead. The last time a guy wanted to touch me gently, he raped me and destroyed my trust in people forever. I can't let something like that happen to me again. I don't think Kenshin is the type to rape someone, on account of how disgusted he seems when talking about Shishio and his law breaking friends. At the same time, feeling any type of physical or even emotional affection from guys, seem to repulse me on a deep level that I don't think will ever go away.

Is it because of Okita, or something else entirely?

Kenshin declares openly and without apology, "Let me wash you."

I don't move. I don't look at him. I'm scared that if I do..

That I'll..

I gasp as I feel Kenshin's hand grabbing my wrist, and I start to mumble shyly before I feel myself being pulled harshly towards him and forced to sit right next to him again, "I.. I shouldn't.. Oof!"

He opens the shampoo bottle cap to pour some into his palm, "Come here. I'll wash your hair now. Close your eyes."

Kenshin.

Please don't be like him, Kenshin.

"Kenshin.." I hear my voice, so distant and so soft under the blasting water from up above us. I hope that the way I look and sound would wound him enough to stand down. But alas, he shoots me a coarse look, warning me of the consequences. I whimper and close my eyes, ready to do the same old song and dance that I've always done with other guys when they want to control me in our intimate moments together. I should be used to this by now..

But I don't know if I ever will be.

Silence breaches between us, and I wait for what will happen next, keeping my eyes closed and obedient. At last, I hear Kenshin sigh and mumble, "I'm sorry. We don't have to if you don't want to.."

My eyes survey his face as he stares at the floor that now has an expression mixed with guilt, shame, and dejection. When Kenshin's not playing up the bad boy act or the nonchalant asshole, he really is the sensitive type deep down. It's a side of him that I'm sure he would never admit to it if I ever bring it up to his attention, but..

...

No.

He's just like every other guy. My eyes widen slowly as I study him further. This guy is not that different from the other dicks I've been with before. He's not deep or interesting or kind or anything of substance. I know that I could never have a lifelong relationship with another guy, so I can't tell you what my dream guy would be. But if I'd be pressed to describe my dream girl, a queen fit to rule alongside with me when my father finally passes his throne down to me? She'd be everything this guy wouldn't be: Elegant, educated, smart, softly spoken, and every bit as lovely as one could imagine.

My lips thin and press together as I take a moment to prepare myself for my next opening act. I lean in slowly to touch his hand that is still wrapped around my wrist, "Thank you."

Kenshin turns to me in surprise, "What?"

"For listening to me. Thank you." I smile at him, his look not betraying the shock in his eyes. We look at each other for a couple of moments, his hand unwrapping itself from my wrist to finally let me go. I lean in further to kiss him lovingly on the lips, delighted in feeling his entire body stiffening for a quick second before nearly melting into me. Before the kiss gets any more sexual, though, I break the kiss kindly before whispering against his wet lips, "I love you."

"S.. Soujiro.."

As long as I act well, and as long as I keep smiling, I can get anything I want from this guy. In the end, he doesn't matter in the slightest bit. It's all about me and my desires. I get up from the shower seating to quickly get away from Kenshin. Before things get too heavy. Before he falls in love with me with the way I'm looking at him. Before it gets too much, too soon.

I let the back of my head hang down as I close my eyes against the water thundering over my face, the lights continuing to fade into all sorts of colors. The soundtrack plays lazily still, and I imagine myself being anywhere else except here. A place where I could become some sort of beast, or an insect, instead of a boy with a terrible secret. I run my fingers through my hair backwards, sighing as I enjoy the heat of the water, trying my best to ignore the guy staring from right behind me.

Fuck that guy.

This is all about me.

I won't fall in love.

I won't.

"Who are you?"

I stand there, contemplating such a question. Who am I, really? Beyond the title of being Japan's most revered CEO's son, beyond the allure of being one of the most good looking guys at this school, and beyond the sordid secret of being a sexual deviant with other guys on the down low.. who truly am I? I guess I still have yet to figure it out. All my life, I've done nothing but follow all that is expected of me. The smallest flairs of individuality is carefully left only to the select few in my entire life who wouldn't try to hurt me for it: my inner thoughts and feelings, or what is it that keeps me up at night.

Have you've ever acted so well and lied so much for so long, that you forget who you really are?

Finally, I turn to him and answer him, "Your best mistake."

He gapes at me, unsure of what to say. I stare at him as he tinkers these thoughts inside his head, still adoring how cute he looks when he thinks so hard.

Too bad he isn't as smart as me.

"I don't understand."

"You will. Someday."

I walk towards him to tower over him, looking down at him. From where he sits, he looks at me as I'm the most beautiful thing he has ever seen in his life. You won't understand any of this now. But someday, when I finally ruin you, you will know the pain I feel since I was a child. You will know the heartbreak that comes with being raped by someone you trusted once before. You will know the suffering of knowing you can never be like everybody else. You will know nothing but the sort of bone crushing pain deep inside of you. And maybe one day, when you see another innocent soul, you will transfer your pain onto them, to create a race of young men who also hold such a terrible secret.

I'd like to think that I won't be so alone in this world, if you also roam the Earth afterwards with the same pain I'm carrying.

Because you're selfish.

Because I'm worth it.

Selfish.

Kenshin's trembling hands roam up to glide them over my hipbones and he embraces me from where he's still sitting, and I don't dare move an inch. I let him have this moment. It's the least I could do.

I feel his form tremble and flinch periodically, and only I know what that could possibly mean, going through these same movements whenever I'm alone and plagued with dark memories. I smile secretly to myself as I whisper softly towards him, "Don't cry, Kenshin.."

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I remember now.

You were a hard one to lose. You refused to let go. After that fateful day in the shower, our relationship festered on with our sexual escapades together. I remember us hanging out together just so that we could fuck in secret, and keeping everyone in the dark about it. I remember helping you with your homework, because then I knew I would be given more sex. And every time you got a perfect score at school, you'd come to me with all smiles, and then I would reward you with an incredible blowjob for it. We would have excuses at the ready for whenever we'd want to have a sleepover at my place, or when you would rather spend time with me than with our other friends. And all the while, you kept coming closer to me.

And I would always try to move away from you.

But just like me.. You were persistent.

And so I knew what I needed to say to make you back off once and for all.

"I don't want to date you or be in a relationship with you."

It's night time and we are both staying at the Grand Golden Gates Hotel in Hiroshima. You told me you wanted to take a trip and I agreed to it. We booked a room and we had a lot of fun, going into an arcade and getting cheap food afterwards. For a while, I got to a taste of low class living, and weirdly enough, I came to love it so much. You would say things that really shook me, though. Like when I tried to kiss you at the suite I rented for us both, and you told me that I didn't have to fuck you all the time just so that we could spend time together. And it really confused me, you know. Because all my life, guys only wanted me for my body.

So why?

Why are you trying to be different from all the rest?

In that moment after I told you that I did not wanted to be with you in all seriousness, you agreed with me with such great reluctance, that it nearly made me want to take those words back. But I didn't. Because I knew it was the right thing to do.

We can't be together.

Not in this world.

After that night, you became cold and distant. I knew your temperament by now that you've declared war against me. And not wanting to rouse any arguments, I mirrored you right back. Just so I could keep the peace alive. I know you still cared about how your friends perceived you, and I wanted nothing more than to keep up with the ruse so that we can both get what we want. I know you would never abandon your friends for me, and I know you know better than to give your stepfather more reasons to drink himself to death. So, it's only natural that I would do everything I can in my power to make sure your secret stays safe.

...

So then, why were you mad at me?

I felt this wall between us growing thicker, and when I came back home after that trip out to Hiroshima, I felt out of control. I know what I said was the truth, that we can't be in a relationship together. I knew that. Of course I did. So then, why am I on the bed, crying my eyes out? Was it the look on Kenshin's face the second we woke up that morning together? Was it the way he evaded my eyes or shifted his body away from me at the bus station? Was it the way he told me that he's going home immediately in a taxi cab instead of my own car once we arrived to Kyoto? What was it?

I did the right thing. I said the right thing!

Or.. did I lied?

I don't know where the lie ends and where the truth begins with all of this!

To make matters worse, my father texted me saying that he won't be home for a couple of more days and didn't even had the common courtesy to tell me why the fuck not. I didn't even had the energy to chew his ass out or anything. I simply threw my phone against my desk in a fit of rage before crying harder on my bed. The help wasn't home to hear me bellow like this, thank goodness. The last thing I needed was to have someone annoying me with "What's wrong?" type of questions, because even I didn't know how to answer that.

All I knew was, was that Kenshin is slipping through my fingers once again, and I don't know how to get him back.

I drank heavily that night. Got into my father's not-so-secret stash in his home library to get into his hard liquor, until the entire world spun inside my head. I wanted to get away from my thoughts and feelings and numb myself from the inside out. I couldn't even bring myself to eat a proper meal when I came back home and adding so much alcohol on a near empty stomach costed me the next morning. I could barely open my eyes and basically vomited all over my carpet floors while doubling over my bed. I called out of school that day, and just tried my best to nurse myself to health.

I bet Kenshin's having the time of his life at school without me. Wouldn't surprise me if he was flirting with someone else or thinking about maybe fucking someone else just to gain some control of this situation. I would probably hit him for real or something if he did tried that. While you're fucking me, you shouldn't be fucking anybody else; once I say things are over between us, go ahead and do whatever you please. I don't care. But not while you're with me, because I refuse to be compared in that same time period. Once I kick you out of my bed, you're as good as dead to me.

Kenshin..

I got out of my shower after mustering up all the strength to do so. I don't think I recall ever feeling this sick from drinking this much, so this is all brand new to me. With some pain killers, water, tea, soups and bed rest, I am slowly feeling better and better. Minus the weak head pounding here and there, of course. But I let myself have a day off from any and all responsibilities. I would watch stuff on my television set from my bed and I would catch some winks whenever my eyes closed. But after a while, the pain from my head travels down into my heart, and soon the tears came back inside my eyes.

In spite of everything..

I miss Kenshin.

He hasn't texted or called me at all since he got inside the taxi ride home. It makes this all the worse for me.

I don't miss him because I love him. Of course not. We can never be together like that. But I miss his smile. I miss the way he makes me laugh. I miss his red hair and his body and the scrumptious sex we have. And to think I miss him so much like this already after having spent an entire weekend with him at a hotel.. I admit, maybe I am just going crazy. I never missed any of my previous fuck buddies like this. When they had things to do in their lives in between fucking me, I always took it in stride. They were never important enough for me to even think about until they texted or called me to come over to sit on their dicks. Otherwise, I just didn't cared.

Until Kenshin.

And all I could ask is.. why?

What makes him so special?

I have to wonder if it's maybe all of the stupid, crazy things he told me. About how I shouldn't have to spend money or have sex with him just so he could see me. About how I should go for what I want rather than always listening to my authoritarian father. About not having to keep deep, dark secrets inside of me, because he will be there for me no matter what. Stupid things like that. Crazy shit that I shouldn't let it get to me.

But.. they are getting to me. Because look at me. I'm crying like a fool on my bed, even now after spending the day at home trying to feel better from nearly poisoning myself with alcohol last night. Just to take my mind off of Kenshin, I texted Kaoru to ask her about any missing homework. When she pressed as to why I was absent from school today, I told her the truth: I got drunk. She got quite pissy with me. Which, in her shoes, I can totally understand. I let her have it and I thanked her for her honesty. Megumi and Misao are both great fun to have as female friends, but to be blunt, I respect Kaoru the most out of the three of them. I think Kaoru's the one who's trying her hardest to get the hell out of her place in society, by studying hard and vying for a good school to go to after we graduate. She wants to make something of herself, and is into mathematics. Maybe she'll become a researcher of some type, or get into med school afterwards.

My stomach suddenly sours at a slow realization. I wonder if Kenshin does or ever did had a crush on her. It would explain the soft looks he used to give her before he and I started fucking. I used to think that maybe he just acted that way because she isn't some tough bad asses like the others in the group, and tried to be more sensitive towards her as a result. But now, as I sit in my bed and feeling all sorts of confusing emotions regarding Kenshin.. I can't help but think they might actually start going out soon. A premonition that I don't ever want it to come true.

I have to find a way to make sure that never happens.

Sorry, Kaoru. I think you're great.

But Kenshin's mine.

At least for now.

You can have him once I'm through with him.

I refuse to break the silence first. I refuse to message him. I refuse to let him see me weak like this. I don't need him. I don't like him like that! All I want is his dick and that's it! I spend that night, tossing and turning, but eventually sleeping once I popped in a melatonin tablet. I think I'll skip tomorrow as well. I need my rest. I'll even text the cleaning crew to not come in so that I can have the mansion to myself. When morning crept in, I slept in. I woke up a couple of hours after school would have started, and called the office that I was still sick. They wished me well on the phone and I hung up. I spent the rest of the morning just taking it slow; savoring a cup of coffee, looking through the news, doing a little bit of yoga and meditation..

Anything to keep my mind off of him.

I even texted the guys. Sano asked me if there's anything he could do for me, but I laughed it off and thank him for the offer. Yahiko kept sending me some dank memes and I couldn't help but laugh at all of them. Megumi kept talking shit about some girl in her class and I lavished praise upon Megumi's patience with her, while Misao was sending me cute pictures of her and Aoshi spending time together these days. Even Aoshi messaged me to let me know if I'd like to hang out the upcoming weekend if I'm not too busy 'fucking around with a certain redhead'. I thanked him and left it at that.

No signs of life from Kenshin.

Bastard.

It shouldn't bother me. I shouldn't care.

...

But I do.

You know what? That does it. I'm going to sneak into the school. If only to confront Kenshin and ask him why he's acting such a fucking dick ever since I promised to keep our affair a secret for his sake. It's the least I could do to put the chaos in my mind to rest. I got ready and drove myself to the school parking lot before venturing inside from the back of the building. I seem to have caught myself in the hallway during a class period, as there was no one around. Perfect. I walked until I found an empty, dark classroom that looks to not have been used for a long while. I close the door behind me and see that its a science lab, with empty glass beakers and Bunsen burners to prove this. I know Kenshin's class around this time period is quite close by, and all I need to do is catch him walking past this door.

Crazy? Maybe. But I deserve to know what the fuck is going on with us.

I waited in the dark for what felt like forever. Truth be told, I never behaved like this with any other guy before in my life. I have to think that maybe I'm majorly pissed off with Kenshin since the very beginning, that's making me act this obsessed with him. And if that's so, then he deserves a much bigger punishment. Maybe when we graduate, I'll ghost him and block him everywhere. Shatter him from the inside so that he can understand how I feel for once. I grit my teeth, my anger rising to my face. Yeah. That's what I should do to him. As pay back for all the grief he's been giving me.

At that moment, my heart skips a beat at the sight of a familiar redhead coming into view from the small window on the classroom door. I open the door quickly to grab his arm and pull him in, smashing the door shut once I threw him on the floor. I lock the door with just a quick twist of the door handle and I nearly jump onto the floor to start crawling over him, his shock etched over his face. It's dark in this room, so I don't know if he can see me just yet. Regardless, I crawl over to him and he starts kicking at me, which I merely block them with my wrists to make sure it doesn't come near my own face or head. I don't feel like getting a concussion from his idiocy right now. I quickly got on top of him to grab a hold of his wrists to prevent him from smacking or punching me, and I had to say just two things to get his attention.

"Stop struggling."

Silence. Kenshin immediately ceases all movements once I said those two words. I stare down at him, and he looks up at me helplessly. As his eyes widen in realization of who it is that's got him strapped down like this, what he does next completely catches me off guard: his arms completely relaxes and stops resisting me completely, and his expression softens into a deadpan expression. I grunt, blinking at this reaction.

Well.. this is new. Normally, he would keep struggling or even start screaming at me. He's got a great track record to show for this due to his anger issues. But this time, he completely bows out before the battle even begun. I look at him, at a loss for words, before feeling my eyes frowning deeply into his.

What's gotten into you?

What is this?

"Kenshin..?" My voice sounds so eerily afraid, for some strange reason. What exactly am I so afraid of?

Kenshin sighs, "If you're mad at me, just yell at me already. Get it over with and do what you want."

".. Um?"

Kenshin frowns at me this time, "What? What're you so confused about?"

"I'm just.. Well.. You usually put up a fight, and now.."

Kenshin turns his face away from me now, "Yeah, well.. that was then, and this is now. So, do whatever the hell you want from here on out, Soujiro. Take my friends, take my reputation, take my body, take all of it. Just do it. I can't stop you anyway. I won't ever find out why this is even happening, anyway. What's the point. Just do what you want to do and I'll just take it."

I don't answer him, but suddenly he takes in a sharp breath and, afraid I might've hurt him somehow, I quickly lean down towards him to cup his face with my hands in sheer shock, "Kenshin?!"

He doesn't look at me, opting to stare at the side of the room and away from my eyes. He starts to shake underneath me and I can see his lower lip tremble. What is going on with him?! He refuses to look at me at first, but little by little, his face slowly turns towards me to look at me with those huge, frightened eyes. We stare at each other openly like this, the only thing moving are dust particles floating in the sun beams from the windows. I stare at him and can see the beauty inside those eyes, and the way he looks like he wants more than anything to kiss me in spite of this intense moment. I can feel my eyes widening and that's when it hits me like an oncoming truck.

I..

...

I think I'm in love with him.

My entire body stiffens at that realization. Of course. My sick obsession with him wasn't because I wanted to teach this guy a lesson for what I read over a year ago. I wasn't fixated on Kenshin because he feels like the exact opposite of me. And I'm not stalking him because I envy him or hate that he has more freedom in life than I do.

I'm doing all of these things because I've fallen deeply, madly in love with him.

.. Oh god.

Oh fuck!

No. No no no no!

I can't have this happen!

Kenshin's lips part and he tries to say something, but then decides against it. I also do the same, and close my lips right back. I have to.. I have to stop this.. from getting out of hand.. Kenshin.. Kenshin, please tell me that this isn't happening.. I can't be with you. You can't be with me, either. We've got a role to play in this world. I have to take over my father's company someday, and start a family; you have a reputation of being the bad boy who will probably go on and start your own family someday, too. We have to go be with women for this to happen.. Kenshin..

What we have..

It can never be..

"Kensh―"

"―Kiss me."

I flinch and at that hot second, I can feel my body pulled down hard and my lips crushing against his own. He probes his tongue forcibly in between my lips, and out of shock, they part to let him in, all the while I am writhing and grunting. What is happening?! Kenshin, stop this! I can't be with you! Don't you get it?! I keep trying to fight against him, against this kiss.. But soon.. I couldn't fight back anymore. It feels so good to feel him kissing me like that. So good I can't deny it any longer..

I can feel Kenshin's hand grabbing a fistful of my hair from the back of my head, just to keep me locked in this kiss of sin with him. And all the while, to my surprise, his other hand travels down to grab my ass cheek, and I cry into his mouth from that. Despite that act of jackassery from him, though, I can nearly feel him smirk against my lips before continuing making out with me, and my spine starts to tingle in arousal from all that is happening. I hate you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

But fuck it all, I love it when you kiss me like this!

I start to give into his desire and start to hump against him, sighing and moaning happily. This feels so good. This feels so right! I wonder if Kenshin is thinking the same thoughts as I do right now. Soon Kenshin starts to wrestle with me to overcome me completely and gets on top of me, suckling onto my lower lip as I whine in pleasure. We both start to get hard now, our boners rubbing against each other in pure ecstasy.

I hate that I can only enjoy this with men.

But what can I say?

This is my nature. I can always play pretend on the side so that I can have it all.

Because I truly am that selfish.

Kenshin continues to lick, suck, and hump against me, buttoning off my shirt and going lower and lower until soon his lips are kissing my lower region. I outstretch my hand out to try to stop him, but he grabs my wrist out of reflex, "W-wait! Kenshin.."

He shakes his head, "Don't. You want this. I know you do. All you do is please other people. Pleasuring other people and using your mouth and your hole to make them cum. But what about you, Soujiro? Who's been taking care of you? Who's been touching you and making you cum? I think it's your time to feel good."

".. Kenshin.. Will you.. Can you do something for me?"

"Anything."

"I.. I just.. I.. I don't know. I don't know what I want, Kenshin! I'm scared! I've never.. I've never had someone be interested in what I want.."

"Guess this will be your first time."

He gave me oral sex for the first time in both of our lives. He never gave a blowjob, and I never received one, either. I was always the one to give oral to other guys before they fucked me in the ass. I never let them anywhere near my dick for some reason. I can't bear to have their hands anywhere near there either, to be honest with you. But just for today, I let Kenshin do whatever he wanted. And it was the best feeling ever. Why haven't I've done this sooner?! Receiving oral feels fucking amazing!

True to Kenshin's crazy nature, though, he takes it a step further and starts eating out my ass. Another first for the both of us. I don't think I've ever came so hard in my life. Unfortunately, with the way he's positioned my body, that meant the cum that came out of my dick splashed all over my face. Ugh. Kenshin chuckles at me, "You got a little something on your face."

"Don't remind me. What about you? Do you want to cum next?"

"No. I'm good."

"Are you sure? You can fuck me right now if you want."

Please. I just want to forget these horrible thoughts inside me. I want to squelch my heart's desire to be yours. All I want is to feel myself getting fucked and to be reminded that this is all I can ever afford to have with other guys. But you merely shake your head again, smiling.

"Like I said.." He speaks softly to me as he helps me get up from the floor with him, "I'm good. I wanted to make you feel good and that, in return, made me feel good. Let's get you washed up. I think there's a box of napkins around here somewhere."

I look at him, completely thrown off by this side of him. What is he getting at here? Is he going to treat me nicer than before? Will he.. Will he think that we are going to be together now? His eyes are burning into my own, and I take it upon myself to let my gaze drop to the floor in a shy manner. His eyes can be so intense, sometimes. It's enough to make me want to forget about everything and run away with him, just so that we can be together forever.

But I can't do it.

I won't.

"Okay.. Um.. Kenshin?"

"Yeah?"

".. Did you missed me?"

I know it shouldn't matter if he missed me or not. But.. For some reason.. I just wanted to know if he thought about me as much as I thought about him. If he cried over me as much as I cried over him.. if he maybe even hurt himself somehow like I did with my father's alcohol the other day, too. I just want to know if maybe we are more alike than we realize.

...

But who am I kidding.. there's just no way..

"Tremendously."

My heart skips a beat. I wrap my arms around my body and look towards the floor, "Oh. I see."

"Did you missed me, too? Did you wanted to talk to me, but couldn't?"

Kenshin..

".. I.."

"Don't do it again."

Kenshin..

He kisses my lips again, "Don't do it again."

Kenshin..

...

I think I am falling in love with you.

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I open my eyes to find myself lying in Kenshin's bed. It's somewhat dark outside still, which creates a dusky, rosy aura inside his bedroom. I think it's the next morning after an incredibly busy Monday. A Monday that was nothing but drama, with me trying to run out on Kenshin, him pulling me back, and then receiving that surprise visit from the police. The news of Shishio's passing. The knowledge that my dad's limo driver was at the crime scene. So much happened over twenty-four hours ago, that I still feel tired even after a night's rest.

After Kenshin and I settled into an agreement that if he could give me a bit of room to breathe, I won't go back to Father, even if it means forfeiting the opportunity to get that son of a bitch to admit to the crimes he's committed. Mrs Kita went on home, we had dinner, and Kenshin and I pretended to be normal afterwards. I spent the evening studying on his desk, while he studied on his own laptop on his own bed. We played video games, made out, and got ready for bed. Overall, a strangely normal night after so much bullshit.

But now it's early Tuesday morning, and I realize that this is the beginning of the rest of my life.

My new life.

A life without my Father.

Did I really dreamed of all of my early memories of how I found Kenshin? I guess I have. And it really brings me to so many emotions right now. I can feel my hand clutching on the sleeve of Kenshin's t-shirt, my eyes stinging with tears. I really was terrible to him, wasn't I? After that fateful day at school when he told me to never do it again, to never ignore him after a stupid fight.. I continued to have sex with him, knowing that I am falling in love with him, and knowing I couldn't have a real relationship with him. And I continued to let Kenshin have orgasms inside of me, knowing that he is quickly falling in love with me.

I played with him. I toyed with his emotions. I did it because I fucking hated myself. I did it because a part of me hated him, because his attraction towards me disgusted me, deep down. How could a real man like Kenshin, find joy in fucking me? Or other men too, for that matter? I detested him. But in that way, it became a projection of the truth: I hated him because I hated myself. I found myself disgusting for being gay.

I merely took it out on him.

He shocked me when he decided to go be with Kaoru. And still true to my self-hatred, I wanted to hurt him further by making him cheat on her with me. I wanted to hurt her, too, for living a life that I wish I could have lead. I hurt everyone, because of how much I hated myself.

But despite all of that.. the hurt.. the drama.. the fallouts and the reconciliations and the shock of knowing who my Father really is.. Kenshin still stayed by my side.

I whimper as I lean to start kissing his cheek and forehead lovingly, rousing him to groan sleepily, "Kenshin.."

He grunts before his eyes open with a sleepy stupor, turning his head to look at me with a frown, "Soujiro..?"

I gulp, kissing under his eyes sweetly, "Hey.. Good morning.."

He groans and turns around to check the time on his phone before sighing, "It's five.. shit."

I giggle, "Uh oh. Should I.. go back to the other room..?"

He places the phone back on his nightstand before turning back around to face me, shaking his head, "No. Stay."

My eyes widen, "Kenshin?"

"Stay here. We've been through a lot yesterday.. Stay."

My eyes waver as he looks back at me softly, and I sigh happily as he strokes his fingers through my hair, "Okay.."

"Soujiro?"

"Yeah?"

".. Did you had a bad dream?"

You know me so well, it scares me.

"Kind of. Yeah."

"About what?"

"The past," I sniffle, prompting him to get closer to start kissing me near the lips to comfort me, "How badly I treated you."

He smirks, "Yeah. You're a dick."

I rub my eyes against his shoulder blade now with a groan, "Come on, Kenshin, be serious.."

"I am. But I was a bigger dick towards you. So.. we're even."

Silence.

"Soujiro," He starts again with a whisper, "I love you so much. You know that, right?"

I lift my face to rub the side of it against his own, nodding meanwhile, "I love you a lot, too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah.."

"Marry me, then."

I chuckle, "I will."

"I'm serious."

My eyes open, looking at the rest of his room, before I lean back slowly to look at his determined face, "How? It's illegal in Japan."

He smiles sadly, "I know. But we could find some kind of loophole around it, right? Maybe marry in another country, just to have paperwork done."

"Kenshin.." I blink rapidly, tears now streaming down my face, "You're willing to do all of that already? But you're still so young."

He sighs, "I mean.. I don't mind waiting a few years until Japan catches up. But then again.. I don't think it's going to change for a long while. And besides.."

My eyes turn in time at the back of his fingers as they stroke the side of my face gently before I look back at him.

He continues, ".. I don't want any other man to have you. I don't want you to marry anyone else. I have to have you. You're the one for me, Soujiro."

I inhale rapidly, shutting my eyes as more tears rapidly race down my face and I lean in to start kissing his lips while nodding, "Yes. Yes, Kenshin, yes!"

"Yes, what?" He moans quietly as we continue to kiss each other on the mouth.

"Yes, I'll marry you!" I whisper happily, smiling despite the tears, "We can do it anytime you want."

He giggles, "Let's shoot for a couple of years from now? Just so we can have a real relationship as boyfriends first. I want to have a bunch of firsts with you before we tie the knot."

Now it's my turn to giggle, "I agree. So many stuff we have to go through first.."

"Like our first Valentine's Day." He kisses my lips chastely as I moan in joy.

I nod, "Yeah. And our first time going in an amusement park."

"Our first drive-by shooting."

"Kenshin!" I whisper playfully, giggling as I am embracing him tightly while he chuckles.

He softens as he rubs the tip of his nose with my own before sighing, "Our first apartment together.. taking those college exams with you the first time.. I want it all with you.."

"You know something?" I lift one leg to drape it over the side of his hip, which he welcomes it completely with the way he reaches down stroke that same leg to then grasp my buttock, "This makes me realize something."

"What's that?"

"I don't want to be a veterinarian. I think I know what I want to do after high school."

"Yeah?" He brightens up, clearly interested, "What is that?"

I smile widely, "I'm going to Law School. I'm going to fight for our right to marry in Japan. Along with all the other couples like us out there."

He kisses my forehead, "Soujiro, that's.. that's literally the perfect job for you. I'm right behind you."

"Kenshin," I sigh, "I love you."

"I love you, too, Soujiro."

Yeah.

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This really is the first day of the rest of my life.

(To be continued.)