8

Jamie waited by the entrance to Sydney's apartment building waiting for her and James to come downstairs. His left thumb tapped away along his thigh and he clutched the strap of the large bag positioned across his chest with his right hand. He couldn't believe it - he had actual butterflies in stomach. The last time he felt this nervous was the day he married Eddie. His stomach had been in knots in the days leading up to their wedding, praying she wouldn't get smart and go all runaway bride on him. He knew how lucky he was then. He also knew how lucky he was today. And despite how it happened, he had a son now. His little family was growing - James was another blessing to count among the many he had already.

He just hoped the kid liked him.

"Good morning." Sydney surprised her ex as she walked out through the front door, her hands positioned on James' shoulders as she guided him in front of her.

Jamie turned and smiled. From the guarded look on the boy's face, he might not be the only one with butterflies. "Hey!"

"Hi," James said shyly, prompted first by a gentle squeeze of his shoulder.

"You ready to shoot some hoops, James?"

"I guess," he replied with a glance back at his mom.

Sydney shot Jamie a nervous look over their son's head. James' uncertainty was weighing heavily on her now, but it was the first of many bumps in the road they needed to get past now that they were on this journey. Although she believed that James would easily grow to love Jamie and vice versa, she still needed to encourage it along. "I think a morning on the basketball court is going to be great. You need to practice for next season."

James had yet to separate from his mom, barely meeting Jamie's eyes.

"It's gonna be fun," he directed at his son, before addressing Sydney. "Do you need him back by a certain time?"

"No, you guys take your time. I'll be around the neighborhood running errands so just give me a heads up when you're on your way back."

"Okay."

Sydney came around to face the boy and leaned over until she was at eye level with him, bringing him in for a brief hug. "Have fun, okay? I love you."

"Love you, too." James half-heartedly returned the hug, but held his mother's eyes when she pulled away.

"I'll see you guys later," she said, encouraging them to go before the urge to take him back upstairs grew any stronger.

"See ya," Jamie waved and held his arm out to guide James up the block. The boy hesitated for a second, but took a deep breath and followed along after his father made the first move.

"Alright, bud. You good?" Jamie checked. He would have to keep a close eye on him for now, in case he got the urge to run on him.

"Yeah," James replied quietly. He tucked his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants and trudged along…like someone being sent off to endure some harsh punishment.

Jamie drew in a breath, his eyes momentarily widening at the challenges ahead. Not a man of many words this morning, he thought to himself. That's okay - he was a lot like this around new people at this age. "I bet this has gotta be weird for you," he commented.

James shrugged silently and kept walking until they came to a stop and waited to cross the street.

Sydney was right, he was nervous, probably about as nervous as Jamie was feeling but he was doing his damndest to play it cool. The vibes were a lot different than they were during the brief visit the afternoon before…

James pulled the door open with zeal. His eyes widened at finding Jamie on the other side, although he had already been alerted about his visit. "Mom told me you were coming over."

One corner of Jamie's mouth curved upwards, tucking his hands into his pant pockets. "Yeah? Hope that's okay."

"It's okay."

"Good," Jamie grinned and stepped inside.

Sydney joined them, embracing James from behind. "Hi. He's been running around like a madman ever since I told him you were coming by. Why don't we sit?"

That was a good sign, he thought and followed the pair into the living room. Jamie looked around as he followed behind. It was strange being here again. Considering his emotions when he first brought James over from the precinct, Jamie realized he barely took notice of the home Sydney had created for them. That afternoon was still a blur of emotions for him and it was like being here for the first time all over again. The apartment was typical Sydney Davenport - clean and contemporary, yet warm. It felt like a home.

"How was school?" he asked, trying to make casual conversation.

"It was okay. Even better because it's Friday." James replied automatically and joined his mom across from where Jamie took a seat.

"Can I get you something?" Sydney offered.

"No, I'm good," he said with a waive of his hands.

The three were quiet at first. Neither adult was sure how to begin and Jamie assumed Sydney would want to take the lead since he was technically the newcomer. James just looked between them expectantly.

Sydney sighed and realized she should start, otherwise they might be sitting here all night looking at each other. "Jamie and I talked earlier, about the two of you and where we go from here."

"Okay," James nodded.

Putting his nerves aside, Jamie chose to go next or James might think he was being forced into this or something. He wanted James to know how much he wanted a relationship with him. "So we figured, if it was okay with you, that we could hang out sometimes."

"Really?" the boy asked, his brow wrinkled in surprise.

"Of course," Jamie assured him. "We can get to know each other and when you're up for it, you can meet my family."

"So what do you say? Are you okay with that?" Sydney asked. She assumed James would say yes, after all, he started all of this. But with kids, she never knew what was coming next.

"I'm good with it," he shrugged casually. "When can we start?"

"Okay then," Sydney said, but it was the eagerness that surprised her.

Jamie wasn't expecting it to be that easy and looked to Sydney for guidance. "Uh, I don't know."

But James beat her to it. "How about tomorrow? We don't have plans, right mom?"

Apparently, Sydney wasn't expecting it either. "James, honey, he probably already does," she said cautiously, trying to gauge how Jamie wanted to handle that part.

"Uh, no. It's okay, if it's alright with you too," Jamie responded, throwing caution to the wind. He supposed if the nine year old was ready, he should be too.

"Are you sure? I mean, it's such short notice," Sydney said, trying to give him an out, in case he needed it. But maybe it was Sydney that needed it more. This felt fast for her, but only because it meant she needed to let go.

"Absolutely. I'm free. Maybe we can go shoot hoops in the morning? You can show me the jump shot you say is so great," Jamie suggested, not wanting to disappoint James if he wanted to spend time with him already.

"Okay," James agreed quickly, but looked to his mom for the approval he needed to do most everything.

"Alright," Sydney nodded with a nervous laugh. She didn't want to disappoint either of them.

Last night went great, as good as Jamie could have expected for the short visit before he had to leave. Then Sydney called him early this morning. She was concerned about his impending outing with James. She had mentioned to him over breakfast how it would just be the two of them today and clarified this would be time for them to get to know each other. It would be easier for them to do that without her around. That was when she noted a change in his demeanor. He clammed up and said he was okay, but something felt off to her.

Sydney didn't say as much else during the exchange, but he sensed she was tempted to cancel. As much as Jamie didn't want to push his son into anything he wasn't comfortable with, he was afraid that postponing would work against him. He was probably nervous about dealing with him, a perfect stranger, without his mom there to bridge the gap between them. Me too, kid. Hoping that was it, he convinced Sydney to keep their visit scheduled and if they needed to cut it short, they would. It would be on him to put James at ease.

After they crossed the street and headed a few more blocks to the park, Jamie decided a confession of his own might help break the ice. Afterall, somebody had to get the conversation going and it wasn't going to be James.

"Hey, James?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I tell you a secret?" Jamie began and looked down at the boy until their eyes met.

"I guess," he responded, but curiosity was very evident on his face.

Jamie sighed and came clean. "I'm kind of nervous about today."

James looked up again, doubting what he said. "Really?"

"Yeah," Jamie nodded.

"Why?"

The pair continued walking. Jamie was glad to at least have his attention. "Sometimes meeting new people makes me nervous. And with you, well, I was kinda worried about whether you'd like me or not. I mean, it's only our first time hanging out and we don't really know each other yet. But, yeah, it's the sort of the stuff I was worried about."

"But you're a grownup," James stated. Why would he be nervous about hanging out with a kid?

"Yeah, well, even grownups get nervous about these things," Jamie explained.

James looked straight ahead and mulled over Jamie's words. "You didn't think I'd like you?" he asked, still not believing him.

"Yeah."

"Why?" he wondered.

Jamie shrugged. "What if you thought I was weird or a big dork or maybe we wouldn't gel. I don't know, it was a bunch of things like that. I'll tell you one thing though."

"What?" James asked as they made their way to an empty half-court in one of the neighborhood parks.

Jamie pulled his bag off his shoulder and dropped it on a bench. "You seem pretty cool so far."

James looked away, his mouth twisting to hide what could be a smile.

Jamie hid his own smile as he pulled a basketball out of the large duffle bag and tossed it to James.

He followed his father over to the basket and casually dribbled the ball. "Your job's pretty cool," he said quietly.

Warmth filled Jamie's chest - this was a start. This time, he couldn't help the grin that spread across his face. "I love my job, but I'm hoping there's more you'll get to know and like about me. I admire your detective skills, they're impressive. And it seems that when you know what you want, you go for it. I like that, but I know there's going to be a lot more I'm going to like about you."

"How do you know that?" James asked and took his first shot at the basket.

Jamie retrieved the ball after it swished through the net and took a turn at the line. "I'm a pretty good judge of character. It's just a gut feeling, which comes in handy both on and off the job. So what does yours say?"

"My gut?" he asked.

"Yeah, your gut. You should listen to it. I'm betting it will come in handy for you too. What does it say?"

James considered the question as he waited for Jamie to shoot the ball. Except for being nervous, he had felt good about him so far. He came back and hadn't run after he surprised him at work. That had to count as a plus. "I guess my gut says the same thing," the boy shrugged.

Jamie nodded and shot the ball.

"Can I tell you something too?" James asked.

"Anything."

They took turns warming up as they continued their conversation.

"I was nervous too."

"Really?" Jamie said, doing his best to look stunned at the admission.

James nodded. "Uh huh."

"How come?" Jamie probed.

James held onto the ball and studied the pebbling. "I thought it might be weird without mom here. I didn't know what we would talk about."

"I know the feeling," Jamie commented, motioning for the ball. "But this feels like a good start."

James shrugged silently, but Jamie sensed there was still more.

"Just another head's up - and this might be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on how you look at it - but years as a cop makes it easy to tell when people are holding back on me. I'm patient and persistent guy." Jamie added lightly.

James's face scrunched up at that revelation. That did not sound like a good thing, for him at least. He decided to just come out with it. "Mom said if things go okay, I can spend more time with you."

"That's what I'm hoping for."

"But I think it might make her sad, being away I mean. It looked like she wanted to cry when she was talking about it. She said she would miss me but she wants me to get to know you and that's only gonna happen with us hanging out without her."

"It's hard doing this separated parent thing. She will miss you, but she's never going to be far. You know you have a great mom, James. She got a little sad because she loves you a lot."

"I know," he nodded.

Jamie held the ball between his arm and hip and approached the boy. "If you ever feel nervous about this," he said, motioning between two of them, "and you want to talk to your mom or go home, just know you can do that. There's no pressure, we can go slow. But I'd really like to hang out some more and make this a regular thing."

Jamie Reagan seemed okay so far, he just had one big doubt. He came back but would he stay? "Me too. It's just," he said, pausing because he was afraid to ask the really hard question.

"Just what? You know, the more honest we are with each other, the easier this will be."

Adults never really answered hard questions kids asked, so James decided to test him on the honesty thing. "You're not going to leave like Chris did, are you?" He was afraid of the answer, but he would rather know now than later.

Jamie's head jutted back at the sheer vulnerability in that one question. He went down to one knee in front of James and looked him in the eyes. "No. Not so long as you'll have me. Even then, I'd work real hard until you did. We're family."

James wanted to believe him and nodded in response, but dads and stepdads still left. He saw it with Chris and he heard it from some friends too. "I didn't think about what would happen after I found you - if you would want to stay or not or how this works."

"You know what happens? We get to spend some time together. I get to be your dad if you'll let me. I'm not here to just tell you what to do and start laying down rules. That's something we'll have to work on together. "

They stared at each other until James nodded and walked away. "Okay."

One side of Jamie's mouth curled up and he stood. Looks like that was all he was going to get for now and he was fine with it. "Okay."

"What do I call you?"

"Whatever you want, alright? I told you - no pressure."

"Alright," James responded and gestured for the ball.

"Alright, let's see what you got going then, huh? I came to play basketball." Jamie got in a defensive stance, ready to see James' skills on the court.

James smirked and dribbled the ball, eager to get to the basket.