Alice

So, they loved each other. At least that much had been settled. They both had to agree to a plan, to a goal: three months from that day would be his last cigarette. They knew that was far beyond the date they had to decide whether they wanted to stay married or not.

Alice found herself, once again, having to deal with the smell, though it was strictly confined to the outdoors. Absolutely no smoking in the house or the car or anywhere she could smell it. She insisted that if he were to have the habit and wanted to be around her he would have to shower first and erase proof that he smoked. It was his habit. it was asking a lot for her to tolerate it. But, at least they had an agreement. America was holding him to it, right? Did that matter so much? No, because she didn't want to have to point the finger and say it was because of him the marriage didn't last. Alice genuinely wanted this marriage to work out.

She also refused to be around him when he smoked, so it would be a solitary activity. Like going poop. Nobody else needed to be around for that. Only that pooping was a normal, natural body function and smoking was not, and Alice would be lying if she said she was happy about this situation.

Deep within her, though, she knew it would work out. While he smoked outside, she sat criss cross in her room, falling into a mini meditation. Yes, of course this would work. He was human, wasn't he? He needed her support. They were supposed to be a team, not opponents. She refused to let herself fall into the trap of being against him. The camera crew was gone, but she knew the ceiling corner cameras were on, and they still had their personal mikes clipped to the back of their waists.

"Are you hungry?" she said from the kitchen when he came back in through the sliding glass door. It was his first cigarette since the pastor and crew had left, and now things were a little uncomfortable.

"I'm heading to the shower first," Jasper said.

She finished chopping the vegetables, played some meditation music from her phone, and set two plates on the table when he appeared in the kitchen.

"Hi."

"Hi. I hope you're hungry," she said. "I made us taco bowls."

Had he flinched at that? Of course she knew he still ate meat, but she wasn't about to prepare it for him. Was that something else they were going to need to work out?

She pulled a small package from the fridge. "Here's some ground beef, though, if you want that instead of tofu. I just don't touch meat. Cuz you know I'm vegetarian."

"I understand, Alice. We're not strangers. I pay attention to what you've been eating. I'm just not all that hungry."

Of course he wasn't. He'd just had a cigarette…an appetite suppressant. Alice pushed that realization away. She hoped she wouldn't have to be dining alone from here on out. This was one of the reasons she got married.

"Well, maybe you can just join me when I eat, then, you know, for company."

"Of course."

He sat across from her as she poured lemon water into two glasses. She'd have to go to the store as well, because now that she'd thought of it he wasn't much of a water drinker either. He seemed to like sweet tea and soda. It hadn't occurred to Alice until this moment how different they were. It didn't have to be a bad thing.

Except that for now this awkward silence accompanied them as Alice drizzled more dressing over her salad.

"So…" Alice began, but she had no idea how to continue.

Jasper waited, and seemed not too willing to talk. Alice tried to read the situation. Was he ashamed of his smoking? Or was he relieved because he was still able to smoke? Maybe a little victorious? Shouldn't they talk about it? What good would it do to tell him that it still bothered her?

He cleared his throat. "I was thinking maybe you can show me around here. Where you work, what you do."

She exhaled, grateful for something that did not involve smoking. Or where they stood on their opposing ends of it. "Absolutely. We can always pop in."

"Yeah. Good."

She took a sip, finding that once again they'd fallen into silence.

At once a giggle erupted from her mouth, and Jasper smiled at her. "What is it?"

"It's just…so damn awkward right now. I don't even know what to say to you."

"I feel it." He reached a hand out to her. "I'm sorry, Alice. This is my fault."

Alice didn't even know how to respond to that. To say that it was okay wasn't honest. None of this was okay to her, but how did they move on from here? "Nobody's perfect."

"Well, except for you," he said. "You're just the most ideal human being. You don't have any bad habits. You don't even eat meat. You have this way about you - it's otherworldly, Alice. Sometimes, I wonder why they matched me with you."

She blushed. Was this really the way he saw her? "I am definitely flawed."

"Oh really? How?"

"Well, it's hard for me to let things go. Like the smoking."

"That's not unusual."

"And well, yeah, I'm set in my ways too. Like I didn't want to go to Texas."

"Yeah, you're going to have to do better than that. I'm definitely the weak link of the two of us."

She squeezed his hand, and tears began to fill her eyes. "I can't have kids," she said. "I had a miscarriage when I was sixteen, and I…don't think I can get pregnant."

"What? How do you know that?"

"I…just feel it. I've never seen children in my future." Plus, she'd been unable to become pregnant up until this point in her life. "That's why I didn't tell them because I don't have any tests to confirm it, but I'm not wrong about these things."

"That's really something, except why don't we not worry about this right now? You haven't even been tested."

"Because what if I can't have kids, Jasper? Are you okay with that? I mean, I'm open to adoption or in vitro, or having a surrogate. But, are you?"

"The way I feel right now, Alice, is until we are good in our marriage, when we have things settled between me and you, we really have no business inviting any little people in, if you know what I'm saying."

"But, what if, Jasper? How badly do you want to have kids?"

"I fancied having a son…someday, but hell, I'm in no rush. I think the most important thing is getting us right."

She nodded.

"And I wasn't making it up earlier. I do love you. I've never said that to any woman."

Tears rolled down her cheeks. "I love you too."

"And I'm sorry for being such a stubborn ass earlier. It was the nicotine talking. I really do intend to quit. Just have patience with me. Please?"

"Of course."

Jasper

Alice's admission threw him for a loop. She never saw kids in her future. And she was so sure she was unable to have them. How did that make him feel? Of course he wanted at least one child, but he wasn't so attached to the idea at this point. Alice was plenty young to have children, if she were physically able. And if she couldn't they could certainly agree on what outcome they preferred. On whether they wanted to make the effort to try to have children. But for now, he tried not to think about it.

Besides, Jasper realized he was going to have to come clean about what had happened with Maria. Would Alice still look at him the same then? How could anyone? He knew one thing for sure was he was going to have to wait out this experiment because he was as sure as shit not going to reveal it to America.

She soaped the dishes as he cleared the table, and after he put the dressing back inside the fridge, his eyes met the inviting bare skin of her neck. He ran a finger along the bottom of her hairline and she shivered.

"Is this okay?" He felt he needed permission because they'd fallen out of that amazing honeymoon phase where they only had to look at one another. And it wasn't like he couldn't feel the tension between them or see the unease that creased her brows. But God help him, he craved her touch.

She stilled, and he sensed the welcome right away as she tilted her head toward his fingers. "It's more than okay."

"Okay good. I just don't want…you to be mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you, Jas. This is just a hard thing we have to go through, but we're going to do it together. I'm going to help you get through it."

The words came out in a whisper, and he hadn't wanted to say them, but his doubt was bigger than the size of this room. "What if I can't?"

She shut off the faucet, and grabbed his hand with her wet fingers. "I guess all we can do is try, Jasper. As long as you're willing to try."

"Will you leave me if I fail?"

"Only if you give up, then I won't stay."

He had to admit that was fair. He still didn't like that he had to quit, but he understood why, and he did love her, and it wasn't like it was their only obstacle to overcome.

They spent the day, checking out Phoenix, which there wasn't a whole lot to see, but Jasper did enjoy seeing the firm where she worked. The crew followed them as she strode into her workplace, and she just seemed to light up as her boss hugged her and shook Jasper's hand. When she showed him her office, and he recognized those same touches from home, he felt how she brought her essence with her. She was happy. Alice led a very uncomplicated life, and she gave the people not only the gift of her sense of decorating, but also the gift of who she was. He imagined that she left everyone with a smile everywhere she went.

She was so good. Too good. His knee was knocking against the glove compartment as she drove to the restaurant that evening - a favorite place of hers that had an agreeable selection for them both, and damn it all if he wasn't craving his next cigarette. He'd already gone 5 hours, and the gum he chewed wasn't working. He was already growing a little desperate. He was supposed to alternate the patch with cigarettes…or was that vice versa? Shoot, now his mind was clouded and the nicotine seemed to be wrapping its evil little hands around his brain.

His brain was screaming, Alice, pull over! I need to smoke!

Alice looked over at him. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," he said but his knee kept knocking against the handle of the door.

"You don't seem fine." She pulled over and into a shopping center where there was a drugstore.

"I just need a cigarette, Alice. Like a puff or two and I swear I'll be okay."

Her lips tightened. "How long has it been? Since before lunch?"

"Yeah." He wouldn't face her, and his chest was rising and falling as though he was gearing up for a fight.

"How about we get a patch on you?"

"Just a quick puff. I'll be so quick and then we can go eat. I promise."

"Actually, no, Jas, that's not going to work. Because then you'll smell…and then that will just ruin the whole evening for me… Sorry."

He spoke through his teeth. "I didn't bring the patch. I forgot the goddamn patch!"

She patted her purse between them. "I didn't. I have a few with me right here."

Jasper realized it sounded irrational. They could even go purchase more if they wanted, but still, running inside the Walgreens for some Marlboros sounded even more appealing. He felt the presence of the camera on him from the backseat. He was being tested, of course, by God, the universe, whoever. Like the devil on his shoulder saying, "come on, Major, show her a quick preview of who you really are. This way you can end this sham of a marriage. Believe me, once she finds out what you've done, it's over anyway."

Was it true? Wouldn't she ultimately leave him anyway? Anyone as good as Alice wouldn't soil herself with the likes of him.

They sat in the parking lot and she put her hand on his knee. "Jasper? Talk to me. Please."

He needed help—more than just the use of these little tools. He could see that now. But for now, he also saw he had a woman, an angel who was willing to help see him through this. He only had to try to take this one day at a time, right? He didn't have to be perfect. Plus there was counseling and crap for this kind of thing, wasn't there? He had to try…if only to be better than who he was.

America is watching, Jasper. And judging you.

At this point, he was breathing. Inhaling and exhaling. Inhaling and exhaling. When he spoke, his voice sounded so hoarse. "Fine."

Then, in front of the camera, he allowed her to place the patch that he might've done himself, except maybe not with such shaky hands. A little while later, the craving began to dull, his appetite returned with full force, and as he dug into the mound of onion rings on his plate, she smiled across the table at him. And now, he barely recognized that monster who'd been willing to storm off to get his fix. The monster was asleep for now, and he knew this was a battle he'd continue to fight. Would it be worth it?

Seated beside him, Alice pressed her hand on his knee. "I love you, Jasper," she said.

He knew then that she was worth every minute.

A/N: Looks like the alerts are down for now! Anyway, back to Emmett and Bella next chapter, so stay tuned for that—you won't wanna miss it! Thanks so much to you all reading, supporting, and reviewing. I appreciate your feedback and will try to reply.