Chapter 35
Moving Forward
Harry's eyes opened slowly. He felt like he'd been dried out. His eyes were crusty, and his mouth felt like a desert. He sat up and noticed there was only a small amount of light filtering through the window. He yawned widely. He actually felt well rested if not a bit groggy.
He threw off the blankets and looked around the room. He reached for his glasses and then sighed. He'd still not fixed them. He didn't know why. It was a simple enough Reparo. He focused on his magic and pushed it into his eyes until he could see clearly.
He ran his hand through his hair and shuffled to his trunk. When he pulled it open, he grimaced. He didn't have a lot of options left. He had not done laundry this week and he was down to the worst of his clothing. With a sigh he grabbed a pair of jeans and noticed they not only had huge holes but also appeared to have blood stains.
Harry's mind drifted back to his conversation with Snape. He took a deep breath and tried to remind himself that Snape was trying to help him. Remind himself that Snape wasn't going to ridicule him or share his past with other people.
His mind quickly supplied that Snape was going to talk to Sirius and Remus today.
Harry groaned.
Snape had said he would limit what they knew. He wanted to trust Snape. He wanted to believe that he could trust these adults, but he just couldn't. He would do what he'd always done. Protect himself. If he started to trust the adults, no doubt they would let him down.
Harry closed his eyes and slipped into his mind. He moved around the forest. He watched the animals creep amongst the trees. He shifted some of his memories around and sorted them until he felt he could relax a little.
Harry opened his eyes and felt calmer.
He collected his things and made his way to the bathroom.
When he was showered and dressed, he made his way quietly downstairs. He'd like to go to the park for a while. He bit his lip and considered. He'd been feeding the little black kitten breakfast scraps. He'd feel bad not going at all. He knew Snape wanted to go to the school after breakfast though.
He wondered if Snape would delay so he could go. He supposed if he went quickly, he could go before the man woke up. With a deep breath he made his way back upstairs and collected his bag.
Severus woke slowly. His head pounded. With a groan he rolled over to avoid the small stream of light coming in from the window. He squinted at his side table and made out the shape of a vial. He reached out and grabbed it. Thankful that he'd at least had the forethought to leave out a hangover potion.
He popped the cork out and swallowed the bitter liquid. With another groan he flopped his arm over his eyes. He was getting to old to drink that much in a night. The pounding in his head slowed and eventually stopped.
He stared at the ceiling and thought back to last night and sighed. He listened for a moment. Potter seemed to make a habit of not leaving his room until Severus started to wake up. He heard nothing. He hoped that meant Potter was still asleep.
He hoped the boy had taken the dreamless sleep and actually gotten some rest. He still needed to find a way to address the boy sleeping in the park. He'd put it on the back burner yesterday with everything else that they'd needed to discuss. However, it couldn't be ignored.
He didn't want to tell Potter he'd been spying on him. He clearly and reasonably had a lot of trust issues. He'd think about it once he'd had some coffee.
Severus pulled the blankets off and set his feet on the floor. The cold floor sent chills through his body. He curled his toes and dragged himself off the bed.
When he opened his door, he immediately saw that Potters door was wide open.
He shuffled across the hall and looked into the room. The bed was made and there was no sign of Potter. Severus sighed.
He looked down the hall and saw the bathroom door was open too.
He hoped Potter was just downstairs. He'd been rather distressed last night. Despite how most of the week had gone, at least part of him was still worried that the boy would take off again.
Severus used the loo quickly and washed his hands.
Severus sneered at his reflection. His hair looked disgusting. He'd not had it in him to take a shower last night. He took note of the scars that now ran across his chest. He caught sight of the ugly black mark on his arm. He turned away from his reflection and made his way into the shower.
When he was washed and dressed for the day he made his way to the kitchen. No sign of Potter.
Severus growled.
He stalked from room to room and found no sign of the boy. Then he noticed the front door was unlocked.
Severus groaned as he made his way back to the kitchen.
He should have known the boy would run away again. He'd pushed too much last night. He had told himself he wouldn't push Potter to talk to him. Then he'd talked to Minerva and done the diagnostic. How could he not have that conversation? There were just far too many things on the exam that needed to be addressed. If it had been less alarming, he may have just let it go. Let Black and Lupin handle it or wait for Poppy to deal with it in the fall. However, medically the boy was a wreck, and emotionally it didn't seem he was doing much better.
Severus had been dealing with abused children for years. He should have done things differently. Potter hadn't felt comfortable, and he had clearly been upset when he'd headed to bed. Now he was missing again.
He needed coffee. He would not go chasing Potter just yet. There was a chance he'd just gone for a walk. If he wasn't back in an hour, Severus would start looking for him.
He watched the coffee pot brew, in what he could only imagine was slow motion. He then remembered he was supposed to tell Potter to go see Mary. Perhaps the boy had gone on his own. Severus still wasn't sure what Potters reason was for abandoning town in favor of the park was. Unless it had simply been that the boy needed a place to sleep. He hoped it wasn't that. He had been trying to make the boy more comfortable here but was obviously failing.
Severus startled at the sound of an owl at the window.
He grumbled as he delt with the temperamental bird.
With a sigh he sat down at the table with his cup of coffee and his paper.
"Boy-Who-Lived Missing" The front article read.
Severus raised his eyebrow.
He read through the article and snorted when he reached the end. Somehow Potters disappearance at the beginning of summer had finally made its way to someone at the prophet. What the story lacked in fact it made up for in wild speculation. Everything from the boy being dead at the hands of Death Eaters, to having fled the country in fear of building tensions, to being hidden away by Dumbledore in a private facility, to have specialized training in ancient magic to prepare to defeat the Dark Lord.
Severus folded the paper and rubbed his eyes.
This was going to be a problem. He was sure Albus would want to discuss it when they arrived today.
Severus glanced at the clock. It had been nearly an hour, and the boy still wasn't back. Severus felt a tightening in his stomach. He did not want to go back to the castle and inform not only Albus but Black and Lupin that the boy had taken off again.
This whole situation with Potter was quite honestly a mess. Albus was looking down on him for how he'd treated the boy those first few days. While Severus could acknowledge that he had been out of line, he felt he was making up for that now. Even if only slowly.
Severus thought about what the boy had told him last night. He felt the coffee in his stomach threatening to come back up. He was more amazed now that the boy had survived. It was truly a miracle of magic and the boy's own stubborn determination that had kept him alive.
He still had many unanswered questions, but he would let them be for now.
He was just about to stand when he heard the front door close softly. Severus would never admit to the level of relief that flooded him. He was starting to care for the scrawny teen. He hated to think that he had caused him enough emotional stress that Potter would rather risk living on the street again than being in this house.
He pulled on a neutral mask and waited for Potter. They would need to discuss him leaving this morning, but he had no idea what state the boy was in and didn't want to start the off day upsetting Potter.
Harry sighed as he made it into the house. He had walked to town and gone to the pet store for a small bag of cat food. He didn't think table scraps was probably the best thing to be feeding the little kitten. Julie had been so happy to see him, and he'd talked with her briefly. She'd insisted on him going to the Book Nook and talking to Mary. He said he was in a rush and asked if he could leave a note with her.
She'd agreed and then started questioning him about the food he was buying. When he'd explained about the kitten he had found, she'd told him it must have been dumped. She knew most all the pets in town, and it didn't sound familiar. She had then inquired if he was going to keep it. He had shaken his head. There was no way Snape would allow him to bring a stray cat into his house.
When he had made it to the park, Edgar had come running and practically leapt into his arms. He had pet the little fuzz ball for a while and put a little food by the base of the tree where he normally sat. Then he had headed back to Snapes house.
Harry made his way up the stairs and into his room. He pulled his bag off his shoulders and took the cat food out. Even the small bag seemed to weigh a ton. He'd considered just putting a featherlight charm on it so he could keep it in his bag, but it just took up to much room. He also was trying to follow Snapes rules where he could.
He popped open his over full trunk and shuffled a few things around until he'd made enough room and shoved the bag in. With a little effort he forced the lid to close and then sat on top.
He'd smelt coffee when he'd come into the house. Snape must be up. He hoped he wasn't going to be in too much trouble for leaving.
He rolled his shoulders back and prepared to face Snape. He now felt confident that even if Snape was mad at him for leaving, the worst that would happen is he'd be yelled at and put on restriction again. He felt calm enough to handle being yelled at, he supposed. He wasn't looking forward to it but as long as Snape continued to keep his hands to himself, he figured he'd be alright.
With a sigh he made his way down to the kitchen.
He found the man sitting at the table, staring quite intensely at him.
Harry swallowed hard. Perhaps he had lowered his guard too much. Snape looked pretty livid.
Harry dropped his gaze to the floor. He felt his stomach knot and his heart begin to pound. He'd been doing well all week. Why did he have to always mess everything up? He'd not liked talking to Snape last night, but the man had been kind and compassionate. Two things Harry had previously not thought the man capable of.
"Where have you been?" Snape asked in a low tone.
Harry tried to swallow the lump that seemed to be forming in his throat.
"I…Just for a walk, Sir. I'm sorry." Harry said contritely.
Snape hummed a little.
"Come sit, Potter." Snape said neutrally.
Harry sighed. Snape had called him Harry several times last night. It had been strange to hear at first but then it had almost been reassuring. Today they were back to Potter. Today they were back to Harry being an arrogant clone of his father. Snape didn't need to say it. He could hear it in his voice.
Harry pulled out a chair and sat across from Snape. He chanced a glance through his fringe. Snape's face mostly looked blank.
"I realize that I did not set specific rules around what time you could leave the house. You know to be back by dark and this week you have been leaving after breakfast. I would ask you not to leave while it's still dark out. If you do choose to leave before I am up, and you are not on restriction please leave a note so that I know." Snape said calmly.
Harry swallowed hard and nodded.
"Yes, Sir. I'm sorry." Harry whispered back.
Harry had enjoyed his quick morning outing. It had given him something else to focus on other than the conversation last night. Harry felt his cheeks heat under Snapes continued stare.
"Did you get adequate sleep last night?" Snape asked. There was a hint of concern in his voice.
Harry nodded, then remembered Snape would expect a verbal answer.
"Yes, sir. Thank you." Harry said quietly.
He looked up at Snape and saw concern in the man's eyes.
Snape just nodded and stood from the table.
"You may want to take a look at the paper. I'm sure the headmaster will want to address it when we reach the school." Snape said over his shoulder as he rifled through the fridge and pulled out ingredients for breakfast.
Harry glanced at the man and then at the Prophet. With a sigh he reached out and grabbed it.
He groaned upon seeing his face on the front page.
Harry stumbled but managed to keep his footing as he came through the floo.
"No, Albus." McGonagall said sternly.
Harry took a step back.
McGonagall was leaning over Dumbledore's desk and practically yelling at him.
Harry felt his body start to shake. He didn't want to be around angry adults right now. Snape had remained composed and soft spoken through breakfast. Although Harry had thought he was prepared to be yelled at when he'd headed to the kitchen an hour ago, he was now realizing just how raw all of his emotions felt.
"Minerva it's not up to you. I asked you to help facilitate, not your opinion." Dumbledore growled back.
Harry missed the floo flaring to life just behind him.
He took another step back and ran into a solid body. He froze. Fine tremors of fear ran through him.
Severus sighed as Harry disappeared through the floo. Harry hadn't said another word this morning other than his normal yes, no, thank you. He couldn't get a good read on him either. He wasn't sure if he was upset or just embarrassed or if something else was going on. He hoped that bringing him to Hogwarts would relax him a little.
"Headmasters office, Hogwarts." Severus said stepping into the floo.
As Severus stepped out of the floo, Potter backed right into him. Just as he was about to comment on Potters clumsiness, he realized Albus and Minerva were in an argument and had obviously not taken note that they were not alone.
Severus could feel Harry shaking. The boy's shoulders were pushed firmly into his chest, and he seemed to have just frozen up.
Severus reached out his hand and put it on Potters shoulder then guided him quickly out of the office. Just before the door closed, he heard Albus call his name. He'd obviously realized they were there, finally. He kept a firm hand on Harry's shoulder as he guided him down the winding staircase.
Once they were in the hall, Severus gave the boy's shoulder a gentle squeeze and let go.
"Are you alright?" Severus asked quietly, trying to catch the boy's eye.
Severus noticed Potter wasn't wearing his glasses again and wondered if he had just given up on trying to use them.
Harry nodded.
"Sorry." Harry whispered softly and wrapped his arms around his stomach.
Severus sighed.
"It's all right. Why don't you head up to the training room? I need to have a word with the headmaster, and then I'll be up shortly." Severus responded.
He hoped Harry would feel more comfortable there. He clearly wasn't all right and asking him to come back up to the office didn't seem like a great idea.
Harry nodded. Then turned and walked in the direction of the staircase without another word.
Severus groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.
Today was going to be a long day.
Severus made his way back into the office.
He was met with silent stares. Minerva looked enraged but he was sure it wasn't directed at him. She was clearly upset with Albus about something. Albus had a neutral look to his face and a twinkle in his eye as if everything was fine.
"Severus I wasn't expecting you and Harry until later. I'm glad you've come early. I was hoping to speak to you both." Albus said in his grandfatherly tone.
Severus ground his teeth in an attempt to hold his tongue. He had thought a lot about Albus last night and what part he may have played in Harry's life. He had wondered if the man was aware they had been listed as guardians and had just decided to go around them. He wondered how much the man was aware of when it came to Harry's abuse. He also knew that Albus had been hiding things happening right here in the school. Harry hadn't further explained the Basilisk incident, but it was clear from the boy's behavior that they had not been given the whole story.
"I've sent Potter to the training room. What is it I can do for you today, Albus?" Severus drawled.
Dumbledore smiled softly.
"Very well. I have an assignment I'd like you to do for me today. I'm afraid you're the only person I think will be able to do it. I'd like to have Minerva cover Mr. Potter's training today." Albus responded.
Severus groaned. He was sure whatever the old man had in mind would be dreadful.
Severus nodded.
Albus quickly explained that he needed someone to go to Knockturn alley and speak with an informant. Albus believed despite Severus' exit from the death eaters he would still be the one who could most easily blend in.
Severus had hesitantly accepted. He'd not gone anywhere but Hogwarts and Cokeworth since he'd been discovered. The increase in auror presence in Diagon had reduced the attacks there. So, he wasn't too worried about going, but there was still a niggling anxiety about leaving places he knew were safe for a place that wasn't.
Severus and Minerva made their way out of Albus office and into the Hall.
Severus rubbed his eyes. He was already getting a headache from this day. He'd need to collect a few things from his office before heading out.
"Are you alright?" Minerva asked softly.
Severus raised his head and met Minerva's eye.
"Fine. What were you and Albus fighting about when we arrived?" Severus asked.
Minerva lips pinched and she looked down the hall.
"Albus wants to put Harry on display to end the rumors that he's missing. He wants me to take him to the Ministry for some non-existent meeting with Amelia. He hopes if enough people see him that the rumors will stop, and people won't be looking for the boy." Minerva said irritatedly.
Severus considered this. He could understand where Albus was coming from. However, the Ministry was crawling with spies. The probability that something would go wrong with that plan was high.
Severus sighed.
He began to walk towards the staircases, Minerva walking in step beside him.
"Potter…He's having a rough morning. We talked over the diagnostic last night." Severus said in a tight voice.
He caught Minerva glancing at him, her face full of concern.
"I'm sure that was difficult for you both." Minerva said softly.
Severus nodded.
"It was. I've not been able to gage very well how he is handling everything today. However, the boy stumbled into the middle of you and Albus fighting and just froze up. I sent him ahead with the hope that he'd have a few minutes to collect himself." Severus explained.
Minerva shook her head.
"I'm sorry. I didn't notice the floo. I wasn't aware anyone else was in the office until Albus called your name." Minerva said softly.
Severus shook his head. They had arrived earlier than planned. He'd wanted to explore the boys' various magics today. To start getting an idea of what the boy was capable of. Potter had so many natural abilities it would be ridiculous to not hone those alongside regular dueling lessons.
"He seems to find comfort in the training room. He informed me last week it was where he and the other students were hiding out for their little meetings. I appreciate your willingness to take over his lesson today. I'd been planning on exploring his abilities but feel free to conduct the lesson anyway you feel. Black and Lupin are expected at the castle around noon. I'd like for us to talk to them about what we discovered." Severus said as they walked.
Minerva nodded.
"Very well. Where will I find Mr. Potter?" Minerva said stopping at the stairs.
"Seventh floor, across from that ugly tapestry of bears in tutus." Severus said rolling his eyes.
Minerva snorted and then nodded.
"Very well. How long do you suspect your task will take?" Minerva asked.
Severus considered. The meeting it's self he didn't suspect, would take terribly long. However, He'd like to acquire a few things while he was there.
"I should also be back by noon." Severus answered.
Minerva nodded.
"Be careful Severus." Minerva said, reaching out and touching his arm gently.
He smiled a little. He was glad to have Minerva in all of this.
With a nod he descended the stairs headed for the dungeons.
Minerva arrived at the door Severus had indicated. She'd never seen it before. Although she guessed it was one of the castle's many mysteries. She opened the door and was taken aback by the room before her. It was set up perfectly for dueling practice. She glanced around as she closed the door softly behind her.
She spotted Harry at the far end of the room sitting cross-legged on the floor. A book laid open in his lap. Minerva was amazed when she noticed several small glowing balls hovering above the boy's right hand. Harry seemed to almost be juggling them. He seemed relaxed, which she was thankful for.
"Good morning Mr. Potter." Minerva called from about halfway into the room. She didn't want to startle him, but his head popped up with a slightly startled look anyway.
The floating lights disappeared as Harry stood and closed his book.
"Good morning, Professor." Harry greeted, quietly.
Minerva watched, as he placed the book back on the shelf and walked towards her. She was glad to see that he appeared healthier then he'd looked last weekend. He had a little color in his cheeks and his eyes looked clear. The scratches on his face were gone and his movements were no longer stiff.
"I will be conducting your lesson today. Professor Dumbledore has sent Severus out on a mission." Minerva explained.
Harry's face creased with concern. Minerva was surprised to see worry from Harry about Severus. The two had butted heads since Harry had come to the school. She was Happy to see that Severus was making headway with Harry. She had seen Severus comfort Harry last week when they'd come to tell the staff about Charity. It had been small. Severus had just put his hand on the boy's shoulder, but Harry hadn't shrugged away or lost his temper. He'd looked him right in the eye.
Minerva knew that they could be good for one another. To help them both heal from the past.
"When...um…When will he be back?" Harry stuttered out. Minerva noticed his hands twisting in his shirt.
Minerva smiled.
"He won't be long, a few hours at most. He's just going to meet with an informant." Minerva explained.
Harry nodded.
"Very well. Severus said he was planning on exploring some of your abilities today. I recently learned that you had become an Animagus." Minerva said with a raised eyebrow.
She was proud of him. However, the process was dangerous and undertaking it without supervision was unwise.
Harry blushed and looked away.
"Yes, ma'am." Harry muttered.
"Does everyone know?" Harry asked, looking back at her with concern.
"No, Albus did not inform the Order as he'd originally told Severus. Now while I am impressed, I do have to say it was incredibly irresponsible to have done your first transformation alone." Minerva said sternly.
Harry blushed again and nodded.
"I'm sorry." Harry said contritely.
Minerva nodded.
"An Animagus form can have several advantages. Concealment of your identity is only the beginning. Depending on your form it can also be used in combat. I myself used my small form to get myself out of tight spots. I would like you to transform so that we might see what ways your Animagus form might be used." Minerva lectured.
Harry rocked a little foot to foot. He looked unsure.
"Have you transformed in front of anyone else? Has anyone seen your form yet?" Minerva asked softly.
Harry looked down at his feet and then back up to meet her eye.
"I haven't transformed in front of anyone…I'm a little unsure. As far as anyone having seen it. Yes, but not knowingly that I'm aware of…Well maybe Snape…I'm not sure. Something happened yesterday…but I…I'm not sure how to bring it up with him. I broke his rules, and I don't want to get in trouble again. But I…I also don't want to put myself in danger." Harry muttered unsurely.
Minerva took a deep breath. She hated seeing Harry like this. It was like all the masks had been stripped away this summer and the boy that lived under them had been so broken down.
"Perhaps I can help. Will you tell me what happened?" Minerva asked.
Harry bit his lip for a moment and eventually nodded.
"Before Bill found me, I had been sleeping in my Animagus form every night. When I got to Spinner's end, Snape…Professor Snape told me that I wasn't allowed to transform at all. I…I haven't been sleeping. So, this week I was going to the park and…well I was sleeping in the bushes in my form. Um…When I woke up yesterday there were wards around me. I didn't put them up. I…I don't know if he found me or if someone else did. He didn't say anything about it. But…I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. I don't want to be caught unaware in the park but I can't transform at Snapes so I can't really sleep. Snape doesn't want me doing magic so I shouldn't set wards myself…I don't know." Harry explained and ran his hands through his hair.
Minerva felt her heart break for Harry. He was clearly incredibly stressed about the whole situation. She wanted to be angry at Severus. She had told him that Harry might get comfort from his Animagus form, and this was just conformation of that. However, if Severus had been the one to cast the wards, then he was likely already aware of the situation and just hadn't figured out how to approach it yet. If it was him then he hadn't woken the boy but simply made sure he was safe and let him sleep. Which warmed her heart.
She couldn't think of a reason a random Wixen might cast spells around a sleeping animal, unless they knew it was an Animagus. Which could be problematic since Harry was unregistered. Also, Harry was supposed to be in hiding so if someone had seen him, he might be at a bigger risk. She would need to confirm with Severus.
"Harry." Minerva called softly.
The worried green eyes met hers and she smiled kindly back at him.
"I will talk to Severus. We need to be sure he's the one that cast the spells. If not, that could be a security issue that will need to be addressed. Now, as far as you're sleeping. I will try and convince him to allow you to sleep in your form." Minerva said earnestly, keeping eye contact with Harry.
Harry's head dropped and he shook it.
"He's mad that I did this in the first place. He's going to be even more upset that I didn't follow his rules…. He…He didn't yell this morning, but I think I made him mad already today. I…ugh…I just don't know what to do." Harry sighed.
Minerva watched as Harry began to pace around the room. Her heart broke again for him. She wished he could put just a little trust in them to help. She didn't know everything, and she doubted anyone but Harry ever would. However, Severus had made it pretty clear that Harry really didn't trust anyone.
"Harry will you please trust me with this? I know it's hard, but we are trying to help. Severus and I have been friends for many years. I will make him promise me not to punish you even if he won't let you transform in his house. Okay?" Minerva tried to reassure.
Harry looked at her skeptically but eventually nodded.
Minerva nodded back.
"Alright, let's see what form you have taken." Minerva said with a smile.
Harry blushed again and seemed to steel himself.
There was a quick pop and then where the boy had been standing a great black wolf-Dog now stood. Minerva was awed at the size of him. Although she was saddened to note how thin he was. His coat was nearly all black and his emerald, green eyes shined brilliantly in contrast to his black fur.
Minerva began to circle around him and noticed the hackles on his back raise and his tail tuck low. Not wanting Harry to feel intimidated she took a step back. She thought for a moment and pulled a scrap piece of parchment from her pocket and transfigured it into a ball.
She tossed the ball across the room and smirked when Harry took off after it.
When he returned his tail was wagging.
Minerva smiled down at him.
"Very impressive Harry." Minerva murmured, and Harry wagged his tail even more.
Harry dropped the ball and popped back into human form. He had a wide grin on his face and looked more like the carefree child she was used to seeing.
"Your size is impressive. I think there is some consideration that you could use this form if necessary, during an attack.
Harry's grin slipped a little and he looked more serious and attentive.
"If you're comfortable with it, I'd like to see what you can do to one of these dueling dummies." Minerva instructed.
Harry got a determined look in his eye. Then he began to run, transforming in mid stride. He leaped and took down one of the dummies. He tore at its throat as he stood on its chest. The room provided several distinct kinds of dummies. The one that Harry had lunged at was a stuffed one. She watched as stuffing flew through the air.
She was amazed at the force Harry had used. However, once he stepped off of the dummy, she couldn't help but snicker as Harry made soft yipping noises and continued to tear apart the dummy. It was very much like watching a puppy. When the dummy was little more than scattered fluff Harry trotted over to her with a doggy grin and sat in front of her and waited patiently.
"Very well done." Minerva said, reaching out to pat the dog on the head. However, Harry's ears laid back at the approaching hand and ducked away.
Minerva sighed and clasped her hands in front of her. Her mouth drawing into a tight line.
"I think we ought to move on. Severus was rather impressed with your wandless dueling last week. Would you care to give it a go?" Minerva asked casually.
Harry's ears perked back up and soon Minerva found herself looking at the teen boy again.
"Will we actually be dueling today? Last week Snape only had me dodging and shielding." Harry asked with a slight tilt of his head. It was rather adorable.
"Yes, I believe a real duel today. Nothing too damaging. Neither of us need to land in the hospital wing today. Poppys got enough on her hands." Minerva said with a smirk.
Harry smiled and took a few steps back.
"Very well. Let's begin." Minerva said, pulling out her wand.
They dueled for a while. Harry was light on his feet and had a wide range of spells at his disposal. She was rather impressed to find that she and Harry were fairly well matched. She knew there lesson was about to come to an end when something happened.
As Minerva cast, she was startled by a large silvery animal lunging at her. She stepped back and in her moment of surprise she felt her wand fly out of her hand. The silvery shape she realized was Harry's patronus. It circled her and loped back to Harry before vanishing. Harry stood smiling with her wand in his hand.
She smiled back. It was a rather creative way to have used a patronus. They were both breathing hard, and she was ready for some water and a short rest.
"That was excellent Harry." Minerva said, taking her wand back from Harry's extended hand.
"You were brilliant professor. Could you teach me that spell you did that made the room feel like it was spinning? It was wicked." Harry smiled.
Minerva smiled back. She was happy to see this happier, lighter Harry.
"Of course. Let me call a house elf and get us something to drink and we can sit and talk." Minerva said.
Harry nodded and headed to the little sitting area near the back of the room.
Minerva called for a house elf who popped back with water, pumpkin juice, and tea. Minerva smiled and took the tray. She felt her heart speed up when she turned back to Harry. His lips were turning blue, and he was wheezing heavily.
"Harry?" Minerva called as she nearly ran to his side.
Harry shook his head and placed his hand on his chest.
"What happened?" Minerva asked, pulling her wand ready to summon Poppy.
"Apparently I have asthma." Harry wheezed.
Minerva's eyebrows pinched together in worry. She remembered Severus mentioning that. She'd not considered the strain of a duel.
"Do you think you can make it to the hospital wing? Or should I summon Madam Pomfrey?" Minerva asked worriedly.
Harry waved his had dismissively.
"Harry, your lips are blue. If you can't make it to the hospital wing, I'll need to call her." Minerva said sternly.
Harry's shoulder slumped and he nodded resignedly.
Minerva watched as Harry stood a little shakily. He walked to the middle of the room and stopped next to the tray that she had left floating there when she had rushed to Harry. He picked up one of the glasses of water and sipped a little then nodded.
They made there way out of the training room and headed to the hospital wing.
When they arrived at the hospital wing Harry was wheezing hard again and Minerva was half holding the poor boy up. They'd made it most of the way when Harry had stopped to hold on to the wall. She'd grabbed his arm and hustled them the rest of the way to the hospital wing.
Minerva deposited Harry in a bed and made her way to Poppy's office.
She knocked once before the door opened.
"Good afternoon, Minerva. What can I help you with?" Poppy said with a bright smile.
Her smile faded seeing the worry on Minerva's face.
"Harry's having an asthma attack." Minerva answered.
Poppy looked into the wing and shook her head.
"Oh dear. I'll grab what we need." Poppy said, heading for the supply cupboard.
Minerva made her way back to Harry's side. She reached out and took Harry's hand. She was pleased to see that he didn't pull away.
She had spent this week with her thoughts in a jumble. When Severus had informed her that she could have been Harry's guardian, she had been reminded of the times she had seen him as a baby. She'd allowed her mind to think about what it would have been like if she had just taken him that night. What Her life might have been like raising the boy. She wondered what Harry's life could have been like. She was sick over what had happened. She should have seen it sooner.
"Poppy's just grabbing a few things. She'll be back shortly." Minerva murmured.
Harry looked at her with slightly panicked eyes but nodded.
Poppy bustled over.
"Open up. This is going to taste horrid, but you'll be able to breathe." Poppy said.
Harry nodded and opened his mouth.
Poppy tipped a potion in his mouth and Harry swallowed it down. His coloring went from a grey blue to almost green. She hoped he wouldn't be sick.
"Take a sip of water." Poppy said holding out a glass to him.
Harry took the glass and sipped at it.
Minerva gently squeezed the hand she was still holding.
Harry handed the glass back and the normal color began to return to his face. He took a deep breath and nodded.
"Thank you." Harry said to Poppy with a smile.
"You're welcome. Are you feeling better?" Poppy asked, pulling her wand out and weaving it in an intricate pattern over Harry's chest.
"Yes, Ma'am." Harry said softly.
"Did Severus mention doing a full diagnostic?" Poppy said a little distractedly as she looked at the paper that had appeared.
Harry blushed and looked down at his lap. Minerva felt his hand slide from hers and watched as his arms wrapped around his stomach.
Harry mumbled something too quietly to be heard. Although Minerva was sure it was something along the lines that they'd already done that.
"Severus has already handled it. I believe he intended to talk to you today about some of it." Minerva answered for Harry.
Poppy looked at her with surprise and quirked a questioning eyebrow.
"I see. Well, Wixen don't have many options for treating asthma. I've got a friend licensed as a muggle doctor. He sees both Wixen and muggles. I think it would be wise to see him as soon as possible. Your oxygen level is still low even after the potion." Poppy explained.
Harry hugged himself tighter and nodded.
"Where is Severus?" Poppy asked, turning to Minerva.
"Albus sent him on an errand." Minerva answered.
She glanced at the clock it was nearly noon now.
"He should be back any time." Minerva added.
Poppy nodded.
Severus strode angerly back to the castle from the front gates. The trip was a waste of his time. Albus had sent him to meet with Flick, a former student of his. The boy had fallen hard into illicit potion use as well as muggle drugs. Severus had helped him out near the end of his seventh year although it was clear that the boy was in deep again. Albus had clearly found out and found a way to suck the boy in. Flick was now living above a shop in Knockturn alley, selling himself anyway he could to make a Knut. Given the boy's pale complexion and high collared shirt Severus suspected he was selling himself as a feed boy for the vampires.
Albus had him keeping notes of everything he saw in the alley. Severus had perused the papers Flick had given him. There wasn't anything of real use in it. He detailed nearly everyone he could identify and what they were doing in the alley. There'd also been a list of items that had been sold. Dark objects might be of some interest, but the boy had listed nearly every book, necklace and teacup sold for the last month. He hoped Albus could make sense of it.
Severus opened the heavy front doors and made his way to the hospital wing. The saving grace of the trip had been finding a few rare ingredients at the apothecary. He had also acquired a box of bezoars as well as a jar of Dragon Thistle. Both of which were on the list of items he and Poppy had been stockpiling in the hospital wing for the last two years.
When the Dark Lord had returned, they'd agreed to begin stocking the Hospital wing as a war hospital in the likely case that all-out war landed in their laps.
Severus pushed open the door and stopped mid-stride.
His eyes landed on a bed halfway down the ward. Harry was sitting on the bed. Minerva was in a chair next to him. She seemed to be speaking softly to the boy. Severus wondered what had happened. Potter didn't appear to be injured.
He slowly made his way to the bed and cleared his throat.
Harry's head popped up and Minerva also looked over at him.
"What happened?" Severus asked neutrally.
Harry blushed and looked back down at his lap. Severus met Minerva's eyes.
She stood and walked towards Poppy's office and Severus followed.
When they reached just outside the office, Minerva cast a privacy charm.
"He had a pretty severe asthma attack while we were dueling. He's better now but Poppy has checked his oxygen a few times and it's not coming up to where it's supposed to be. She wants to take him to a doctor friend she has in the muggle world. He's a squib but he helps Wixen when they need muggle treatment. Harry is upset. I think the attack scared him. He said he hasn't had one this bad in a while. I'm sorry Severus, I shouldn't have pushed him. We were doing well, and we had just stopped dueling. I got us some water and when I turned back his lips were turning blue." Minerva explained.
Severus nodded and looked back at Harry.
Poppy emerged from her office then.
"Where is the doctor located?" Severus asked.
"London. I just floo called. He can see Harry at four. I had hoped he could get in sooner but will have to make it work. I'll need to give him another dose of Breath of Life in about two hours if his oxygen level hasn't come up. It's not a long-term solution though. The acids in the willow bark will start building up in his blood if he uses it too often." Poppy said.
"Which could lead to issues with his heart." Severus nodded.
He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He needed to discuss the rest of Potter's medical report with Poppy. He had also hoped to talk to Lupin and Black today.
"Very well. Let's go over what I can share of his diagnostic and make a plan. Perhaps we can address his other issues before I take him. I also need to meet with Black and Lupin." Severus said to Poppy.
"Minerva, would you find them. I'm assuming they've made it to the castle by now. Perhaps they can sit with Potter while Poppy and I work on a treatment plan for him. I'd like you to join me in talking to Black and Lupin. I think we'd both like some answers." Severus said.
Minerva and Poppy both nodded. Severus headed into Poppy's office. He had a list of the issues that needed to be addressed medically. He had some ideas for treatment but some he wasn't sure on. Hopefully, they could get Harry on the right path.
Harry sat on the bed watching the adults out of the corner of his eye. He was sick of being talked about. He'd managed this problem by himself for most of his life. He knew he'd be fine. He'd been a little afraid for a moment. He had truly felt like he was suffocating before he'd taken the potion.
Now he was just wheezing a little. They were all making a lot bigger deal out of it then they needed to.
Harry sighed and looked away from them. He knew that Snape was going to tell Pomfrey some of the other things that had shown up in his diagnostic. He could only hope that he wouldn't share the whole thing.
It was in the past now. No one had any right to know that information.
Harry felt anger and shame rolling in his chest.
"Harry?" McGonagall called.
Harry turned to look at his professor as she approached. He gave her a tight smile. She'd held his hand when he was afraid, and it'd been nice. Now he just felt embarrassed for being so weak.
"Severus and Poppy are going to discuss a few things. I think you've already been informed about what those things are." McGonagall said.
Harry nodded.
"You will be seeing the doctor but not for a few hours. I'm going to go see if your …Godfather is around." McGonagall said.
Harry raised an eyebrow. What was with the pause?
Harry nodded.
He wasn't looking forward to seeing Sirius right now. He hoped Sirius wasn't still mad at him.
"Is there anything I can do for you Harry?" McGonagall asked.
Harry shrugged.
McGonagall's lips thinned into a tight line for a moment and then she smiled.
"Have you come up with a name for your Animagus form?" She asked.
Harry raised his head and looked at her. He didn't think it was a common thing. He knew the Marauders all had nicknames but was it usual to give yourself a name?
"Is that normal?" Harry asked curiously.
McGonagall smiled and nodded.
"Humans seem to want a name for everything. I wasn't much older then you when I became an Animagus. I gave that form the name Athena." McGonagall said with a smirk.
"The Greek goddess of wisdom and warfare, often compared with the Roman Goddess Minerva. How fitting." Harry said with a smirk.
"Quite." McGonagall said with a put-on stiffness.
Harry laughed.
He twisted his hands in his shirt.
"Akela." Harry said softly.
He looked over to McGonagall.
She gave him a tight sad smile.
"You're not alone Harry." McGonagall said softly and gently brushed the hair from his face.
Harry gave her a half smile. He wasn't sure about that, but he supposed he could allow in a little hope.
McGonagall nodded at him and swept out of the Hospital wing in search of Sirius and Remus. Harry sat back and waited.
Sirius paced back and forth in the living room. They were supposed to be at Hogwarts almost an hour ago.
Bill had shown back up to work on the wards and while he was thankful, he wanted to see Harry.
Remus had chewed him up one side and down the other for how he'd behaved last week. According to Remus he'd been to blunt when they'd initially talked to Harry. Although really Remus had been upset about how he'd handled Harry when they'd gotten him out of the practice room.
Sirius had tried to explain how afraid he was, but Remus wasn't having any of it. When they'd both calmed down Remus had explained what he'd seen in Harry's reactions to the situation. Sirius had felt horrible. He'd not meant to upset Harry. Remus had given him a muggle book on abused children for him to read. Which he had and now had a better understanding of where he'd gone wrong.
Remus had a fairly smooth full moon. He was still walking with a cane today, but he seemed less exhausted. Sirius hoped he'd find the last piece he needed for his research. If he was right, it would basically keep Remus from struggling with his Lycanthropy. He'd need to spend a night a month as a wolf. However, it should be more like spending a night in Animagus form, verses the body breaking experience he normally had to go through.
Sirius huffed and looked at the clock. Remus was still out with Bill. Apparently one corner of the wards wasn't taking, and they were trying to establish what the issue was. Sirius had headed back to the house a while ago to get ready.
He hoped Harry's week had been good. He'd been thinking of ways to talk Harry into the diagnostic without upsetting him too much. Sirius just wanted Harry to be healthy and safe.
Sirius ran his hand through his hair. He walked to the porch and looked out at the property around the cabin. This would be a good place for Harry. He only wished they'd been able to bring him here sooner.
They'd heard from Amelia on Wednesday. She seemed to think that he would be cleared by about the end of the month. Sirius was hoping they'd be able to have Harry for his Birthday. Maybe they could do something fun.
Sirius smiled when he saw Remus step out of the woods. He was alone so they'd either resolved the issue or given up on it for the day.
Remus smiled at him, and Sirius smiled back. He felt his stomach flip a little. He felt like he was finally getting to have the life he'd always hoped for. He was living in a beautiful place, away from everything. The house was light and homey. He was with Remus, and they were doing well. And soon they'd have Harry with them too.
Sirius felt his heart rate speed up a little. He thought about the days leading up to the full moon. Remus had been restless, and Sirius had cautiously approached the matter of a physical relationship. They'd only had a few heated kisses since Sirius had proposed. He didn't think either of them was sure how to move forward. They'd been very active young men when they'd last been together. Things had changed a lot since then though. When they'd been young the days before the moon were typically spent in bed. Keeping Moony happy and distracted from the impending full moon.
Remus had blushed but agreed to start moving their relationship along slowly. Sirius had been deliriously happy. Not even so much for the prospect of sex but more that he and Remus could maybe reclaim some of what they had once lost.
Sirius groaned as he realized his body was reacting to his thoughts of Remus. With a deep breath he tried to get his body to calm. When he felt settled Remus was still only about halfway to the house. The large clearing that surrounded the house was nice, but Sirius wanted to leave. He smirked and shifted into Padfoot. He leapt off the porch and charged at Remus.
He barked as he ran. When he reached Remus, he gave his best doggy grin and let his tongue loll out of his mouth.
"Impatient to leave, are we?" Remus chuckled.
Sirius yipped and ran back to the house.
Remus laughed as he watched Padfoot charge back to the house.
He was disappointed that they'd not been able to complete the wards today. Bill said he'd need to consult with a few people and get back to them. They thought there might have been previous wards that had fallen but were not wholly gone. Remus suspected it might have been something his father had done.
Remus slowly climbed the stairs at the front of the house. He had hoped to be rid of the cane by this point in the week. He sighed and made it into the house.
Remus was surprised when he opened the door. An arm wrapped around his waist and pulled him flush with Sirius body.
Sirius' lips quickly found his. Remus melted into Sirius hold. Sirius mouth worked slowly against his then his tongue began teasing his lower lip. Remus lips parted and Sirius moaned into his mouth. Remus felt like his whole body was on fire for a moment as Sirius kissed him eagerly.
Sirius pulled away and planted a chaste kiss on his lips and smiled.
"Feeling frisky today I see." Remus whispered softly into the space between them.
Sirius hummed and peppered Remus cheek and jaw with kisses.
"I'm just happy. Happy to be here. Happy to be with you." Sirius murmured.
Remus smiled.
The smile shifted to a smirk as he rolled his hips against Sirius' and caused him to groan.
"Yes, I can tell you're happy." Remus laughed as he pulled away from Sirius.
Sirius laughed in response.
"Are you ready to head to the school? We were supposed to be there ages ago. With our luck Snape's already taken him away." Sirius half whined.
Remus rolled his eyes. He knew Sirius was hurting for Harry and he was covering it with jokes and loving gestures. Sirius was the type to need something to do with his feelings. Remus suspected Sirius couldn't sit with his own feelings. He never really had been able to. However, after being forced to feel every horrible feeling over and over all the time in Azkaban, Sirius truly had lost whatever ability he'd had.
"I'm sure they're still there. I'd like to sit for a few minutes before we go." Remus said tiredly.
He sat heavily on the couch and tipped his head back. His right leg and lower back were screaming at him. He wanted to go see Harry as well, but he hoped they might be able to meet in the great hall or the library instead of the seventh floor. He wasn't sure he'd make it up there under his own power at the moment.
Remus smiled as Sirius curled into his side.
"Do you think Harry will forgive me?" Sirius murmured in a thick voice.
Remus wrapped his arm around Sirius back.
"You know he will, but like I said it isn't about what you say Sirius. It's how you behave. Harry has a lot of trust issues. If I know Harry, he's blaming himself and will apologize to you. You need to make sure he understands that your behavior wasn't his fault. Then you need to show him that you can be a stable adult for him. I know you're struggling with your emotions, and I think you should reconsider what we talked about before. Potions could help." Remus responded softly, rubbing Sirius back gently.
Sirius hummed and nodded a little.
"I love him, and all of this hurts so much. This wasn't how any of this was supposed to go." Sirius mumbled.
Remus sighed. He agreed with Sirius. This wasn't what any of them had expected from their lives. However, it did them little good to dwell on the past now.
"I know you love him. I do too. Will make it through all of this." Remus said trying to reassure Sirius.
Remus felt his face heat as Sirius placed a soft kiss on his neck and gently rubbed the top of his thigh.
Remus laughed softly.
"We should go. If you keep that up, we're not likely to make it to the school before they've left." Remus said with another laugh.
Sirius sat up and smirked at him.
Remus rolled his eyes and reached for his cane.
Sirius stood and took Remus arm helping him stand.
Minerva sat in Albus office fidgeting with her wand. Albus had not seen or heard from Sirius or Remus. He'd been leaving just as she had arrived. He had been headed to visit Hagrid about some business with the centaurs in the forest. Minerva had now been sitting in the office alone for nearly an hour. She felt her stomach twist. She was sure that they were just running late but after the loss of Charity last week, she'd been waiting for the next attack.
They'd lost so many good people in the last war. She knew that Charity wouldn't be there only loss but that didn't mean she'd loose hope. Albus had said that he had a way to end the war. She would believe him until she knew otherwise.
Minerva took the last sip of her tea and stood. She was preparing to go visit Harry when the floo flared green. Sirius stepped out and a moment later Remus stumbled out behind him. Minerva smiled at the gentle way Sirius caught him.
She'd suspected they were together when they'd been students but never bothered to find out. Her student's private lives were just that, private. However, she now wondered how long they'd actually been together.
"Where have you been?" Minerva asked in the same tone she would have taken if they'd stumbled into her lesson late.
Two sets of surprised eyes met hers.
"Hi Minnie." Sirius said with a charming grin plastered across his face.
Minerva's only response was the unamused look she pinned them both with.
"Our apologies Minerva. Bill came to work on the wards, and we've run into difficulties. Is everything Okay? Where is Albus?" Remus asked.
"Albus went to handle some business on the grounds. Come along." Minerva said walking towards the office door.
She could hear them following her.
When they reached the hall Minerva glanced around and cast a few privacy wards. She'd not have this conversation in the headmaster's office where the portraits might retell the story, but she wanted to update them before they went to the hospital wing.
"Harry is in the hospital wing." Minerva started.
"What?!" Sirius nearly shouted. Fear and a touch of anger were evident in his voice.
Remus reached out and laid a gentle hand on his arm.
"What happened?" Remus asked calmly.
Minerva kept an eye on Sirius who looked about ready to storm away.
"He had an asthma attack" Minerva answered.
Both of the men looked confused.
"Harry has asthma?" Remus asked.
"What's asthma?" Sirius asked at the same time.
Minerva wasn't surprised by either question. She'd only been made aware of Harry's condition last week after his exam. Asthma wasn't common in the Wixen world like it was in the muggle world, so no doubt Sirius had never heard of it.
"It is a condition that causes inflammation in the airways and makes it difficult to breathe. It's common in the muggle world. It can be very dangerous if it's not treated properly." Remus answered Sirius, before looking back at Minerva.
Minerva nodded. That was her understanding as well.
"Severus was able to convince Harry to do a diagnostic over the weekend. He informed me of several of the issues that came to light. I believe Severus also intends to speak with you both today. As for Harry, He and I did the dueling lesson today as Severus was sent out by Albus. When we were finished Harry started to have a hard time breathing and I took him to the hospital wing. He is doing better, but not as well as we had hoped. Severus and Poppy are working on a list of potions he will need. However, Poppy wants to send him to a doctor to address the asthma." Minerva recited trying to get them caught up.
"Why didn't you contact us? How long has he been in the Hospital wing struggling to breathe?" Sirius said angerly.
Both men looked upset, and she could understand.
"Albus is the only one aware of where you're staying. He and I only spoke in passing when I came looking for you. I wasn't even sure if it would be safe to send a Patronus." Minerva answered.
Sirius growled and paced for a moment.
"Lupin cottage is the floo address, and there's no one for miles." Remus said softly.
Minerva nodded her understanding.
"May we see Harry now?" Remus asked.
Harry twisted his hands in his shirt. He'd been in the hospital wing for almost two hours now. Snape and Pomfrey had disappeared into Pomfrey's office and hadn't come back. His anxiety was growing as the time ticked on. What was he telling her?
McGonagall said she was going to go find Sirius and Remus and then had never come back. Was she talking to them? Was something wrong?
It was getting hard to breathe again. He put up his walls hoping it was a panic attack, but it did nothing for his breathing. He felt like a sitting duck waiting for the world to collapse around him.
With a sigh he climbed off the bed. He briefly considered just leaving the hospital wing. He had his cloak in his bag. He looked at the hospital doors and then back at the office. With a sigh he trudged over to the office.
He steeled his nerves and reached up and knocked on the door. He felt dizzy and he had little black spots swimming in his vision.
The door flew open, and Harry found himself looking up into the black eyes of Snape.
"I…I can't…" Harry wheezed before he lost consciousness.
Severus caught Harry as his eyes rolled back in his head and he started to fall.
"Poppy." Severus called.
Severus scooped Harry up and was sickened by how light the boy was. He'd seen the paperwork but truly feeling how little the boy weighed was completely different. Harry didn't even weigh as much as a first year.
Severus clinched his jaw in anger.
He laid the boy back on his bed. He mentally chastised himself. He should have checked on the boy. Where were Minerva and the mutts?
Severus sat Harry up slightly and Poppy poured the potion into his mouth.
Harry gagged and then sucked in a deep breath.
Severus released the breath that he'd been holding. A moment later the hospital wing doors swung open and Minerva, Black and Lupin walked in.
Severus sneered at them all before turning back to the boy on the bed. The blue color was fading from his face.
Severus met Poppy's eye. That had been entirely too close. The boy could have silently died sitting out here by himself.
Poppy pulled a privacy curtain around the bed and set a one-way silencing charm. If Harry began to wheeze again, they'd hear it.
"Where have you been?" Severus growled, glaring at the three of them.
Minerva looked hurt.
Severus took a deep breath.
"Let's take a seat." Poppy said, summoning five chairs from the wall and placing them at the end of Harry's bed.
Everyone took a seat.
"What happened?" Lupin asked quietly.
Severus pinned him with a hard glare.
"Poppy and I were speaking in the office when Potter knocked on the door. I was under the impression that Minerva would have returned with the two of you. He collapsed from lack of oxygen." Severus explained with a cutting tone.
All three went pale.
"I'm sorry Severus, I thought he was all right. They were delayed in arriving and I wanted to be there when they showed up to let them know what was going on." Minerva said contritely.
Severus nodded. He shouldn't have assumed. If anything, this was his fault. He should have been keeping a closer eye on Harry. He hadn't even stopped to check on him when he had arrived.
The five of them sat in an awkward silence for a few minutes.
"Minerva said you were able to get Harry to agree to the diagnostic." Lupin said probingly.
Severus sighed and rubbed his face. He supposed now was as good of a time as any to go over what they needed to. He had planned to question them about the blood adoption before divulging anything else. However, it hardly mattered what the order was.
Severus retrieved the list from his pocket that he'd gone over with Poppy. He'd already discussed most of this with Minerva. The only difference now was that they had a treatment plan in place. Or at least the beginning of one. Who knew what the muggle doctor might add. And they still didn't have any idea how to address the hearing loss. It was clear to both of them that the repeated ear infections was only part of the cause. The rest of the damage had been caused by being hit on the head over and over his whole life.
Remus felt crushed as Severus explained the severity of Harry's malnutrition, organ damage, asthma, allergies, vision, and hearing problems. He felt like crying and screaming.
Harry would likely be taking potions for the rest of his life to mitigate the damage his relatives had done.
Severus looked pensive. Whatever he was about to say next was somehow worse news.
"I spoke with Harry last night for clarification on a few things that were found in the diagnostic. Harry would like to keep his medical records private, and I would ask that you respect that. If he wants to share more information with you, let him do it in his own time. I promised that I would do what I could to limit the amount of information that was released. I've explained to him the issues that his guardians would need to know. Those are the issues that we've already discussed. They are all ongoing issues and will require long-term treatment. I'm sure Harry would not like this next piece of information being shared. However, for his own safety it needs to be discussed." Severus explained quietly.
Remus swallowed hard.
Severus looked down at his hands and took a deep breath.
"Harry has been engaging in self-harming behavior. From what I could tell from the diagnostic and the scars I saw I would guess that it predates his arrival at Hogwarts." Severus said softly.
Remus felt like all the air had been knocked out of him.
Sirius looked over at him with sympathetic eyes. Remus face colored with shame.
Remus had also fallen for that coping skill in his youth. It wasn't until he'd started studying mind healing and found better ways to cope had he stopped. He had relapsed several times since then but had been doing better for several years now.
Remus broke for the emotional pain Harry must have been enduring to have started so young.
Remus blew out a breath and refocused on Severus.
"Minerva mentioned that you have training as a mind healer. My hope is that you might be able to help him." Severus said softly, handing Remus a sheet of parchment.
Remus sucked in a breath as he realized that it was a mental health screening.
The depression wasn't a surprise. He wasn't sure how someone could go through all that Harry had been through and not be suffering some depression. Same with the anxiety. The PTSD he and Sirius had already suspected after what he had gone through in the graveyard. Although it was likely complex PTSD from years of abuse. Everything that had happened since he'd entered the wizarding world was just piled on top. It was a miracle Harry hadn't just collapsed under the weight of everything he'd experienced. Remus was surprised by the phobia's and obsessive-compulsive disorder. He'd never specifically noticed these issues with Harry. However, Harry was good at hiding his issues and they'd not spent a lot of alone time with Harry.
"Is there anything else?" Remus asked quietly.
This was going to be a long road with Harry. He would do what he could to help him. He hoped that Amelia would move quickly and that they could get Harry sooner.
Remus raised his head and saw how sad everyone was. He swallowed. He was actively suppressing his emotions behind occlumency shields. Severus looked like he was as well.
"Harry denies it, but I suspect that he may have made a suicide attempt around the time he ran away." Severus answered quietly.
Minerva and Poppy gasped, and he could feel Sirius shaking beside him. He suspected that he was crying. Remus knew that he likely would be too if he wasn't focusing on how to help, instead of how he felt.
Remus bit his lip. Harry wasn't a liar, although he supposed if he thought he was going to be in trouble he might have lied. They'd all keep an eye on him and hopefully he would open up as he felt safer in this new environment.
Remus nodded.
"I see. Is there anything else?" Remus said neutrally.
Remus saw Severus meet Minerva's eye.
Remus steeled himself for whatever would come next. He reached out and took Sirius hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"Can you explain when you adopted Harry? Why it's not listed in any of his paperwork that you're both his parents?" Severus asked, meeting both of their eyes.
Remus mind froze. That couldn't be right, they'd failed.
Remus looked to Sirius and saw the heartbroken look of understanding.
Remus closed his eyes and felt tears slide down his face. If he'd only known. He could have had Harry this whole time. None of this would have happened.
Remus opened his eyes and looked at Severus and then Minerva. How would they explain this?
Harry's eyes slowly opened, and he stared blankly at the hospital wing ceiling. He took slow deep breaths and realized he was breathing much easier than he was before. Slowly he sat up and looked around. A privacy curtain had been pulled around him. He scowled at the aura of a silencing ward around him. He waved his hand and pulled it down.
He immediately was aware that there was a group of people sitting on the other side of the curtain. None of them were speaking but he could hear soft shifting and sniffling noises. Then he heard Remus's voice.
"James and Lily were only nineteen when Lily got pregnant." Remus said softly.
Harry's ears perked up at the mention of his parents.
He cast a one-way silencing spell around him and climbed out of bed. He kept an ear open and pulled his cloak from his bag.
"Lily and James invited us over one night. It sounded serious so we got there early. They were sitting on the couch and Lily was nearly hysterical. James was holding her, and she just wouldn't stop crying." Remus said in a near whisper.
Harry looked at the curtain with confusion. What had happened?
Harry shrunk his bag and shoved it in his pocket then draped the cloak over him. He stepped around the curtain and felt his stomach clench.
Pomfrey, Snape, McGonagall, Sirius, and Remus were all sitting in a circle of chairs in the middle of the hospital wing. Sirius and Remus both had tears in their eyes. Snape's jaw was clenched tight, and he was glaring at Remus. McGonagall and Pomfrey both looked sad and stressed but also intrigued.
"I finally got James to follow me into the kitchen to talk to me. We were worried someone had died. Remus stayed with Lily." Sirius said continuing the story.
Harry stepped closer to the group.
"James told me Lily was pregnant." Sirius said swallowing hard.
Harry's head spun. His mother had been that upset finding out she was pregnant.
They hadn't wanted him.
Why would they? No one else did. Harry felt a tear slide down his cheek and angerly wiped it away.
"Lily hadn't even been to a healer yet. She'd taken a muggle home test. Remy had been studying to become a healer…They wanted him to cast the spell to make sure." Sirius explained.
Harry felt his shoulder shake and a sob boiling up in him. He didn't want to hear any more. He didn't want to know. Perhaps his parents had wanted to send him off to an orphanage like his aunt and uncle always threatened. Maybe they even considered not even having him. He didn't want to know. He wasn't wanted and that was enough.
Harry checked to make sure that no one was looking towards the doors. When he saw that everyone was focused on Sirius, he slipped out the door.
Severus heart broke hearing how upset Lily had been. He couldn't imagine how scary that must have been in the middle of a war. Lily had always wanted a big family.
"I did the test and of course it came back positive." Lupin added.
Lupin ran his hand through his hair. A stress response he'd noticed when they'd been looking for Potter.
"James was worried about Lily and Lily was terrified for the baby. They'd wanted to start a family. They just hadn't expected things to have escalated so quickly when they got pregnant. Within just a few weeks things had gotten so much worse. Albus was sending us all out constantly, even Lily." Remus said with a sigh.
"Sirius and I told them we would do whatever we could to keep them safe. Albus didn't seem to care that Lily was pregnant, he was still sending her out. One of us always went with her. We spent more time at their house then we did in our own flat. If Albus wanted her to go alone one of us always followed under James's cloak." Remus explained.
Severus wanted to growl. What the hell was wrong with Albus? Things had been incredibly dangerous then. He could have gotten her killed or captured.
Then something stuck with him.
"What cloak?" Severus asked.
Lupin and Black looked at each other for a moment.
"James had an invisibility cloak. His dad gave it to him. It was a family heirloom." Sirius answered.
Snape sat back and absorbed that information. No wonder they were always able to sneak up on him at school. Then an annoying thought hit him.
"Where is it now?" Severus asked.
From the looks on their faces he really didn't need the answer. The boy had it.
Severus groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. He wondered whose bright idea it was to give that to the troublemaker. Although he could see advantages to such a thing. Potter was the Dark Lords top mark. Amongst the boy's other natural talents, being able to disappear completely with the cloak would be useful.
"Continue." Severus said with a resigned sigh and a wave of his hand.
He would think on the cloak later. It was unimportant to the story.
"Lily was about three months along when she was attacked on a mission. James was livid. He…He nearly killed the guy." Black said with fire in his eyes.
Severus felt similarly. He wondered who'd attacked her. If he ever found out they wouldn't simply be headed to Azkaban to await the Dark Lord's liberation.
"Lily was alright, but the spell left a pretty bad scar." Remus explained.
Severus felt his blood boil.
"Remus and I moved in with them for a while. Lily was still worried about the baby, but Remus reassured her that the spell hadn't affected the baby. Once she healed up, she started doing a lot of research.
"Lily asked if Sirius and I would help with the baby when it came. They knew Albus wasn't going to let them just hide out. One night they came to us with the idea of adoption. They wanted to ensure that no matter what happened the baby had people who would love it and take care of it. We…we agreed." Remus explained, rubbing his hands together.
"Did none of you think of how dangerous it would be for a baby to ingest werewolf blood? The risk of infecting him with Lycanthropy?" Severus growled.
Lupin looked down at his hands in shame and Black glared at Severus.
"It wasn't just blood. It was seamen too. And Harry didn't take the potion, Lily did." Black stated with a slight growl.
Severus mind spun. That didn't make any sense.
"A surrogacy potion?" Severus asked confusedly.
Harry wouldn't have James and Lily's genetics if that's what they'd done.
Remus shook his head.
"Lily and I developed an experimental potion. It was meant to combine a blood adoption and surrogacy. If it worked, then the baby would be born as all of our child." Remus explained.
Lily had been brilliant at potions. If anyone could do such a thing it would have been her.
"Why wouldn't you have taken custody when James and Lily died then?" Minerva asked.
Lupin and Black looked sad again.
"We thought it had failed. We expected a blue glow over Lily's belly when the potion took effect. Like a surrogacy potion. After she took the potion, it never happened. We all stayed up late on the couch talking about all the things we wanted for the baby's future. The glow never happened." Remus trailed off.
Severus groaned. There had likely been a delayed reaction because of the way the potion had been modified.
"It likely happened later on. Why did you never confirm the results?" Severus asked.
"We planned to once Harry was born. Things got crazy. They had to go into hiding and Albus was sending me out with the packs all the time. We were only with them for a few minutes the day that Harry was born. We told them we would always consider Harry ours. Then they moved again when Harry was a few months old and went under the Fidelius. We thought they were safe. We planned to still do the blood adoption. One of us was always home with Harry but as we predicted Albus was still sending them out. We even took the blood at one point but by the time one of us could brew the potion the blood samples were bad. I had to make sure mine was only taken on a new moon, so it made it even more difficult." Lupin explained.
With a sigh Lupin reached out and took Blacks hand.
"When James and Lily died and I thought Sirius had betrayed them I…I didn't think I had any claim on Harry. I was heartbroken. We had all been raising Harry. We all loved him dearly. Everything we were doing was so he'd have a future. Then to have my whole family ripped away in a night…I just fell apart after that." Lupin trailed off in a whisper.
Severus understood that part. He'd also fallen apart after Lily had died.
"They clearly learned at some point. They named another godfather." Severus said softly holding out the first page of Harry's diagnostic.
Black took the parchment and looked it over. Then showed it to Lupin.
"Does Harry know?" Black asked quietly.
Severus shook his head.
"I didn't show him this page. I wanted to understand how this was possible before he was told." Severus explained.
Lupin and Black nodded their heads.
"Harry should be waking up soon. His appointment is in about an hour. If you'd like to speak with him privately." Poppy said quietly.
They all stood. Severus planned to collect Harry's various potions. He'd need to brew a few to avoid allergies but that could be done this evening.
Lupin walked up to him and met his eye.
"I'm going to want a copy of that diagnostic." Lupin said firmly.
Severus swallowed.
"I'm his father, Severus. I want to know what has happened to my son. He never should have been there. If Albus had cast a single spell, any of us could have had custody. He chose questionable wards over my child's safety." Lupin hissed.
Severus sighed.
"Please speak with Harry about it first." Severus answered.
Remus bit his lip and nodded.
Severus turned just as Poppy pulled the curtain back. Everyone froze for a moment. The bed was empty.
"Where's Harry?" Black asked into the silent Hospital wing.