Chapter 37
Co-Parenting The Boy-Who-Lived
Harry crashed to his knees in Madam Pomfrey's office. He stood on shaking legs and stepped out of the way just as Snape floo'd in behind him. Harry shuffled a little away from Snape and waited for instructions.
The appointment had gone fine, he supposed. The doctor was overly cheerful and had asked far too many questions after tripping over himself that his patient was Harry Potter.
He'd run some muggle tests in his office and had prescribed some medication. They'd thankfully been able to fill the prescription next door to the office. Apparently He needed to start taking it right away and he was to go to a muggle hospital if he had another day like today. The Doctor had seemed shocked that Harry had not needed to be hospitalized after Snape had explained what had happened today.
Snape walked past him and opened the door of the office. Harry walked quietly behind him. They hadn't spoken to one another at all. Harry just didn't know what to say and Snape seemed to be stewing in anger. He hoped it would dissipate a little before they went back to Spinners End.
Harry stepped out of the office and found the four adults sitting in comfortable armchairs in the middle of the Hospital wing. They all had smiles on their faces and seemed to be chatting. Harry pulled his occlumency wall up a little and then presented his 'Boy-who-Lived' mask. He was definitely not all right, but he didn't want to bring them down.
He knew the plan was to go to Diagon and put on a show. He could do that. He was good at playing that part.
Snape walked over and stood next to McGonagall. Harry hung back not feeling very comfortable invading the adult's space.
McGonagall stood and she and Snape left. Remus gave Harry a half smile and waved him over. He walked slowly towards them and stopped when he was near the circle of chairs.
Harry could tell that the remaining three adults were relaxed but as he'd approached. However, some of the joy he'd seen seemed to fade. They all now had a bit of concern in their eyes.
"How did it go?" Sirius asked.
Harry shrugged.
"Fine." Harry answered.
"Come sit. They went to let Albus know the change in plan. They'll be back shortly." Sirius said pointing to the chair McGonagall had just vacated.
Harry looked at the seat warily. He sat on the edge and then glanced around at the group. He gave them a small smile hoping someone would say something.
"We were just talking about a prank we pulled back in our day. One of our last." Sirius said flashing a big grin at Harry.
Harry smiled back and heard Madam Pomfrey groan.
"You four were just lucky none of you ended up here." Pomfrey chided.
Remus and Sirius both laughed and Harry smiled. This was what he needed. Something light and happy. He hoped that whatever the prank had been, no one had been hurt. He'd heard many of Sirius' stories and some of them were funny, but not all of them. They sometimes seemed to confuse pranking with bullying and Harry hated those stories. When he'd seen the memory of Snape last year it had really shaken him.
Harry listened intently as Sirius retold the story of them scaling the castle walls after graduation. They had hang a banner declaring the Marauders the 'kings of the school'. Remus occasionally chipped in a little but mostly it had been Sirius talking.
As the story wrapped up Pomfrey stood.
"Harry would you mind if I checked your road rash. Severus will have the rest of your potions, but I'd like to make sure you've healed up. I would do it later but I'm due to meet with a few of the staff shortly." Pomfrey asked.
Harry's smile slipped away, and he nodded.
"Go sit on that bed." She said pointing to the bed he'd been in earlier.
Harry went and sat on the bed. Pomfrey pulled the curtain.
"Go ahead and take your shirt off. This will be quick." Pomfrey said bustling over to his left side.
Harry took a deep breath. He'd really rather not but he had little choice in the matter. He grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head. He held his shirt in his hands. He kept his head down, waiting for her to be done. He was thankful that his glamours were up. She could see the scars she was looking for but nothing else.
He was glad that he seemed to be in control of the glamor's now. They'd always kind of come and gone.
"It looks like this has healed nicely. Severus can give you some scar cream." Pomfrey said with a nod.
Harry just shrugged. He wasn't sure it really mattered. His whole body was covered in scars. These would hardly make a difference.
He briefly wondered how the boy and the puppy were doing. Perhaps he would go to town tomorrow.
"Okay. You can put your shirt back on." Pomfrey said before stepping away from the bed.
Harry pulled his shirt back on quickly.
"Make sure you follow the instructions Severus gives you for all of your potions. We might even be able to get you off a few by time term starts, if your good about taking them." Pomfrey said.
Harry nodded and climbed off the bed. They made their way back around the curtain.
Pomfrey disappeared into her office and then came bustling back.
"Have a good evening gentleman." Pomfrey said with a smile and left the hospital wing.
Harry stood there awkwardly. He had no idea what he was supposed to say to Sirius and Remus now. The memories Remus had shown him spun in his head. His heart hurt, and his mind felt overwhelmed. He wanted to pull the wall up and just hide behind it. However, he was starting to get a headache.
Harry bit his lip. He felt like he didn't even know them anymore.
"Come sit for a minute pup." Sirius called.
Harry sighed and shuffled over to the chairs. Retaking his seat, he leaned his elbows on his knees and folded his hands. He stared at his clasped hands for a moment and then looked up to Sirius.
Harry felt a lump form in his throat as he looked from Sirius to Remus. He felt like he'd both gained something precious and lost something. He swallowed hard and bit his lip.
"How could you not tell me?" Harry said brokenly.
Harry saw the pain in their faces.
"We didn't know Pup." Sirius answered mournfully.
Harry shook his head. He sat up and met Sirius eye straight on.
"You did though. Maybe you didn't know the potion had taken but you knew what you were." Harry voice shook a little.
He looked to Remus. His heart broke.
"You were raising me. You both told me you were friends of my parents. You told me stories of dad from school and how in love my parents were. You never told me that I spent just as much time with you two as I did with them. You didn't tell me that you thought of me as a son. Not the son of your dead friends…" Harry's voice trailed off.
Harry took a deep breath. This was just another way he'd been denied a family. He remembered finding his mother's house and wondering what it would have been like to have had grandparents. Finding out he had two living parents was like a slap in the face.
"I don't know how to feel about this. I…I feel hurt and angry and…I don't even know. I'm going to need some time." Harry whispered.
Harry could see tears forming in Sirius' eyes and Remus looked blank.
"I'm sorry." Harry mumbled.
He stood and walked away from the little sitting area. He walked to the end of the wing and pushed the door to the bathroom open. He quickly used the loo and found himself standing in front of a mirror.
Harry waved his hand and pulled a silencing spell around him.
He dropped his occlumency shields and let out a scream. He screamed and screamed until his throat felt raw and then all that was coming out was choked sobs.
He looked into the mirror and allowed his appearance to shift to 'just Harry.' He studied his face and his hair and his eyes. His heart broke as he started to see the little ways that he looked like all four of them. Sirius should have seen it when he'd shifted that first time. Or maybe he had and just thought it was wishful thinking.
Harry wiped the tears from his face.
He turned the water on and started washing his hands. He scrubbed and scrubbed and felt more tears fall down his face.
He wanted to go back to Snapes now. He wanted to take a shower and scrub his body of the tears and blood and disgust he felt. Today had been too much. His hands were stinging in the hot water, and he tried to allow it to ground him.
Harry sucked in a deep breath and cupped his hand and rinsed his face.
He looked back in the mirror and pulled up his wall again. He needed distance from even himself right now. His features faded back to his 'boy-who-lived' look. He reached into his bag and pulled out his broken glasses. He sneered at the useless things. He'd wear them to Diagon. They were just as much a part of this disguise as his messy black hair.
He dried his hands and face, placing the glasses on. Then made his way back out into the wing.
He noticed that Sirius and Remus were still sitting in the chairs. They were talking softly. Sirius looked up at him and gave him a tight sad smile. Harry just looked away. He leaned up against the wall and then slid down. He couldn't leave since he was waiting for McGonagall, but he couldn't sit with them right now. He felt like everything had been turned upside down again.
He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. He was exhausted. He would try for a nap if he wasn't certain he'd wake up screaming. He slid into his mind and watched the memories he'd seen in Remus mind.
Minerva stepped off the last step of the spiral staircase leading from the headmaster's office. She huffed as Severus followed her out.
"That man. I swear. He acts like every promising idea is his." Minerva growled.
"Not to mention Albus used the Ministry as a reason not to allow Harry to go with Sirius and Remus. Now he wants to show Harry off there? The man has lost his mind." Minerva said with a slight huff.
Severus nodded. It was true. However, it didn't even sound like Black had been to the Ministry to address his situation. From what he'd gathered they'd met in Albus office and corresponded by owl.
"At least he agreed. I think a trip to Diagon will be more successful to get the results he wants." Severus said.
"I'd like to let loose on him with everything we've found out and see how he thinks he can spin that into such a good idea." Minerva said harshly.
Severus hummed in agreement next to her.
"I'd avoid that for now. Potter is rather insistent that as few people as possible are made aware of this situation." Severus drawled.
Minerva shook her head in frustration. Albus should be held accountable for his actions. He'd ruined Harry's life.
"I know." Minerva responded.
She took a deep breath. There was nothing she could do about Albus right now. Her thoughts floated back to her earlier conversation with Harry.
"Will you be allowing Harry the use of his Animagus?" Minerva asked.
She hoped Severus would be understanding, though she knew how rigid he could be.
Severus sighed.
"I'd rather not. It feels like rewarding him for breaking rules. There are laws in place for a reason when it comes to Animagus. He went ahead with the process without regard for his safety. Plus, as I've stated before I don't have much interest in having an animal in my home." Severus answered.
Minerva considered that.
"I know you see it as rewarding but perhaps look at it from a slightly different perspective. Would you feel comfortable punishing Harry by not allowing him to sleep? It's not wise to continue allowing him to sleep in the park. You can't feed him dreamless sleep every night unless you'd like to deal with the fall out of him developing an addiction. So, what options does that leave you with Severus. The boy is traumatized. I'd argue he's holding it together better than the rest of us would be. If sleeping as a dog brings him comfort, is it wrong of us to allow him that small comfort?" Minerva argued.
Severus grumbled and Minerva smirked.
"I suppose you're right." Severus conceded.
"You're a good man Severus." Minerva said with a soft smile.
Severus scoffed.
"Hardly. I simply don't want to be bothered with the alternatives." Severus responded.
Minerva kept a small smile on her face as they walked. Severus may have thought he was fooling the others, but she could see right through him. He was getting attached to the boy.
"Do make sure Potter acquires some new clothing. His wardrobe is woefully inadequate. I'd meant to take him shopping this weekend. However, if he's able to acquire what he needs it might save us an uncomfortable outing." Severus said off handedly.
Minerva nodded. She'd also noticed the state of Harry's clothes.
"A new trunk as well. I'm not sure what else he needs to get but his school trunk is near bursting and looks like it's about to fall apart. I don't understand why the boy has so much crammed in there." Severus grumbled.
"I imagine it's everything he owns Severus." Minerva answered quietly.
Severus came to an abrupt stop and turned to her.
"Surely the boy's relatives took or left the rest of his belongings. The boy has a standard first year trunk. There's no way that's all he has to his name." Severus said with disbelief in his voice.
Minerva shrugged.
"I don't know of course, but with everything we've learned do you really think he has much? Those muggles probably tossed everything he left. I doubt they would have taken it. Although I suppose they may have left some things in the house. Perhaps we could take Harry to look. Albus says it'll still be a few weeks before he's ready to set it up as a safe house. When I talked to him the other day, he said he hadn't been in the house other than just inside the door with you last week." Minerva informed.
Severus looked off in the distance for a moment.
"I don't think it would be wise to return Potter to that house, even briefly." Severus said softly.
He pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Perhaps with Albus permission you and I can go take a look." Severus sighed, dropping his hand and looking at her with exhaustion clear on his face.
Minerva was surprised at the sorrow in Severus' voice. She wondered what Severus had learned talking to Harry.
Minerva nodded.
"Whatever I can do to help." Minerva answered.
Severus nodded and they continued into the hospital wing.
Severus stepped into the hospital wing and immediately could feel the tension in the air. Black and Lupin were talking quietly in the same place they'd been when he'd been here last. Potter was sitting against the far wall wringing his hands in his shirt. He looked upset. Severus sighed. He had hoped a little time with Black and Lupin would break him out of his silence. Apparently not.
"Go ahead and take Potter to Diagon. I'd like to speak with Lupin and Black." Severus murmured to Minerva.
He retrieved a small bag from his pocket and handed it to Minerva. He had told Potter he would buy him clothes and he had meant it. A child shouldn't be responsible for his own necessities.
Minerva took the bag and looked confused.
"For Potter's clothing. I don't think the boy should have to buy his own clothes. I'm his guardian right now. It's my responsibility." Severus explained.
Minerva smiled and Severus rolled his eyes.
Sentimental Gryffindor's.
Minerva didn't say anything else although her eyes spoke volumes. Severus watched her walk to the end of the wing and collect Potter. He had that blank look on his face again as he followed Minerva back to Poppy's office. When he heard the floo a second time he approached the makeshift seating area.
"Severus." Remus said in greeting.
Severus nodded to both of them and took a seat.
"Would you care to tell me what caused Potter to take off?" Severus drawled.
He'd told Harry that they'd talk later. He wanted to understand before they talked. Despite his feelings of failure when it came to the boy he did want to try and improve things.
Lupin ran his hand through his hair.
"He heard us talking about his parents. He…Um…He heard me say how upset Lily was. He thought they were upset that she was pregnant and took that to mean that he hadn't been wanted." Remus explained quietly.
Severus closed his eyes and tipped his head back. Well fuck.
It was clear Harry had never really felt wanted. His relatives had never done anything to show that he was.
He looked back at the two broken faces in front of him.
"I assume you dispelled his assumption?" Severus asked.
Lupin nodded but there was something else on his face. Some kind of guilt.
"We did…I think I may have made a mistake though. I allowed Harry to Legilimieze me. I wanted to show him a few memories so he could understand…So that he'd know that he was wanted. That he was loved." Lupin said brokenly.
Severus groaned. He could only imagine all the ways that could have gone wrong.
"What happened?" Severus asked.
Severus watched as Black attempted to comfort Lupin by taking his hand.
"I didn't take into account how powerful Harry is. He saw much more then I'd planned to show him." Lupin explained.
Severus sighed. Harry was a powerful wizard. He still wanted Poppy to test his magic level again, although the longer he spent with Harry the more he realize just how powerful he was. He feared the number might be accurate.
Merlin only knew what horror he'd seen in the wolf's head.
"What did he see?" Severus asked.
Lupin bit his lip and then sighed.
"Everything. He…It was like he was able to race through years of my memories in a moment. It was overwhelming for me. I can't imagine how it felt to Harry. He only saw a bit of Hogwarts but… It felt like he had searched my mind for anything to do with family. He was searching for his family." Remus said brokenly.
Severus ran his hand through his hair. That was a lot.
Severus reached into his robes and retrieved a potion and held it out to Lupin.
"What's this?" He asked.
" A potion I developed after… well after a particularly mind invading experience. It's an alteration of draught of peace. It will help settle your mind." Severus explained.
Remus took the potion and nodded.
"Thank you, Severus." Remus said.
Black nodded at him too. He didn't need their approval. Yet he was thankful for it. He'd never wanted anything to do with them in school. They'd been bullies. Cruel to him and Lily. However, as they'd reached the end of their schooling he'd become jealous of the close bond they all had. He'd hoped to find that in the Death Eaters, but he'd never found it.
They sat in silence for a while and Severus tried to plan out the conversation he'd need to have with Potter later.
"I want to thank you Snape." Black said, breaking the silence.
Severus looked at him with confusion and surprise. Of all the things he'd thought he'd hear Black say he'd never expected a 'Thank you'.
"And what is it you want to thank me for, Black?" Severus asked, raising an eyebrow.
"For being straight with us. I know there's a lot of bad blood. But you've been honest with us. Kept us informed. You were able to get Harry to do the diagnostic. Something I figured would take a stunner to get accomplished. And what Harry said…" Black cut himself off biting his lip.
Severus felt like he'd been doing the bare minimum as far as Potter was concerned. He wondered what he'd told them.
"Harry said that when you were going over his diagnostic with him that you were kind. He…He had a bit of a breakdown on the walk back. He's worried that he's going to get in trouble for leaving the hospital wing. Seemed to think he'd already made you mad this morning about something. What he told us was that he'd not expected you to be so kind to him and that he was afraid he'd already done something to mess it up. He was afraid that you'd go back to yelling at him." Black explained.
Severus felt his heart break at that. He'd clearly not done a particularly good job this morning keeping his emotions to himself. He'd not been mad but worried. Not that he'd admit it out loud. He thought he'd pushed too hard with Harry the night before and the boy had simply run off. He was starting to notice a pattern of Potter fleeing from his problems. Which was surprising on its own. The boy seemed to fly into savior mode when it was anyone else. Running headfirst into trouble. Now he could see that seemed to only apply to others.
He was reminded of what the twins had said about not yelling. He felt he'd done a good job keeping himself in check there, but he could understand Harry's fear. In his eyes he'd done something wrong and was waiting for punishment.
"I was not pleased to find him missing this morning when I woke up, but I wasn't mad. I clarified my expectations and we moved on." Severus responded.
He saw them nod. Black looked to Lupin and seemed to be trying to communicate something.
Lupin cleared his throat.
"When we found Harry, He had hurt himself again." Lupin said softly.
Severus sucked in a deep breath. Harry had told him last night that he'd stopped. Though he knew from experience with other students that relapse was common.
"I see." Severus responded.
"I healed his arm. I…I also saw the rather large scar on his arm. I assume that's what you were referring to when you said he'd made a suicide attempt?" Remus asked.
Severus nodded.
"Yes. He's got one on each arm. They occurred the same day. Potter seemed hesitant to explain what had happened. I suspect that he changed his mind. His diagnostic showed he'd taken a blood replenisher. I'm still un aware of what the specifics are of his flight from his relatives home but it appears that the injuries to his arms happened the same day." Severus explained.
He watched as Black and Lupin looked at one another. The worry was clear on their faces. He was also worried about the boy. He seemed to be building up to a full-on breakdown. He hoped for Potters sake that things would calm down. They'd had a fairly calm week. However, he had to concede Potter hiding in the park to sleep, and stressing about going over the diagnostic had probably not been a very calming week for him.
"I took his knife. I know it's not the only way he might hurt himself but I'm hoping it will give him pause. He looked so broken when I took it. I gave it to him last year. I…I didn't know he was struggling like that." Black mumbled.
Severus was sure that the boy would read more into the action then simply trying to keep him safe. He'd feel it was another way he'd disappointed them. He'd been pretty clear when they'd spoken about Black and Lupin that he felt like he'd been letting them down. That he didn't feel like he was worth enough to them. That he should somehow be more like James to please them.
"I told Potter to go to an adult if he felt like hurting himself again. I'm not sure what precautions to take right now. I have a protocol for this at school for my students but it isn't viable in this situation. I appreciate that you took the knife. However, in this situation it may lead to more distress." Severus said. considering his next words. He didn't want to betray Harry's trust, but he hoped what he was about to say would lead to fewer issues in the long run.
"Harry told me last night that he feels he has disappointed you. That he feels like he's not enough like James for your liking. He also thinks you're upset with him about things he took from Grimmauld. Apparently, he took some things because he was worried they'd be lost or thrown out. The boy apparently has next to nothing from his parents. Which surprised me. Surely Lily and James put things away in there vault at Gringotts?" Severus inquired.
Sirius sighed and rubbed his face.
"We are aware Harry is having issues with how he feels about us. The surprise parentage has only made it worse. We've told Harry we don't expect him to be anything but himself but…I don't know. I think he so used to wearing masks around everyone he doesn't know how to drop them. As for Grimmauld he could have burned the place to the ground for all I care." Sirius explained.
"Lily and James did put things in a vault. However, it's one we don't have access to currently. Albus was given all of the vault keys for the Potter accounts as Harry's guardian. As far as I can tell Harry only has the one for his school vault. I checked with the goblins a while ago to make sure nothing had been removed from the vaults. I was told that they'd not been opened since James and Lily died. I was worried Albus might try and… I don't know, use some of the gold or take some of the artifacts. It's all Harry's. Don't get me wrong I don't think Albus is a thief but…Well This whole situation has me questioning a lot about the man." Sirius continued.
Severus nodded his head. He'd also been having reservations about Albus. He partially agreed with Minerva about wanting to confront the old man, but he wasn't prepared for it yet. For now, Harry was the priority.
"You don't have to tell us if you feel you would be betraying Harry's confidence, but out of curiosity did you ever figure out where he was before Bill found him." Remus asked.
Severus snorted.
"Yes, I did." Severus answered.
He was a little surprised that Harry still hadn't told them where he'd been. Though he supposed there really hadn't been an opportunity to do so today.
"He was in Cokeworth, where I live." Severus said with a sneer.
He was still annoyed that he'd done so much aimless walking only to discover that he'd been staying just down the road.
"In you and Lily's hometown?" Remus asked surprised.
Severus nodded.
"How on earth did he end up there?" Remus asked.
"I'm still unaware of that. I learned from a woman in town that he discovered that his mother was from there while he was staying there, not before. So, I'm not sure what led him there." Severus answered.
Sirius had a pinched look on his face.
"The Letters." Sirius said looking at Remus.
Severus raised an eyebrow. He felt like he was missing something.
Remus looked just as confused.
"One of the things Harry took from Grimmauld was a stack of letters. One of them was from Lily. It was a muggle letter and had her address on it. I'm guessing he saw it and put it together. It doesn't explain how he got there. But I'd bet he read the letter while he was there. " Sirius explained.
Severus nodded. He wondered if the boy had gone to the old Evans house. He avoided the neighborhood. It hurt to think back to a time when he'd been welcomed there.
"What did the doctor say about Harry's asthma. How did the appointment go?" Remus asked.
Severus was thankful for the change of topic.
"The appointment was stressful. Harry didn't say a word. The doctor asked him a series of questions to understand his asthma. Harry just nodded or shook his head. I must say I'm truly not sure how we missed this. From Potters answers it sounds like his asthma has been severe since early childhood." Severus sighed. He'd been rather angry when they had returned. He just couldn't understand how he had missed this. How they had all missed it. How Petunia had just let the boy suffer. He'd needed a walk and was thankful to escape the Hospital wing with Minerva for a few moments.
"He'll need to take a pill every day and carry an inhaler. He's got another appointment in a month to determine if we have found the right treatment. Obviously muggle medication can be less effective in Wixen because of the higher metabolism. With Harry's small stature and magic levels it's really a crap shoot." Severus answered.
Remus nodded.
"What's an inhaler?" Black asked.
"It's a device that will allow Harry to breathe in the medication." Lupin answered quietly.
Black nodded.
Severus sat back in his seat as a silence began to settle amongst them. He was surprised to not find the silence awkward or uncomfortable. He didn't know when his perception of Black and Lupin had changed. However Black seemed to be making an effort to put the past behind them. Severus was thankful. He'd also been hoping to move on. Weather he liked it or not he seemed to be co-parenting the boy-who-lived with the mutts.
Life was strange, he thought wryly.
Harry stumbled out of the floo into the Leaky cauldron. He was thankful to have kept himself upright. He glanced around and grimaced at the number of people crowded into the pub.
"Harry Potter." A man called from somewhere.
The pub got quiet and nearly everyone seemed to turn and look at him. Harry was reminded of his first time here.
A flicker of memory seemed to be trying to play at the corner of his mind. He pushed it away. He'd had so many lost memories return this summer he'd gotten used to the feeling. He had no idea what it would be, and this was not the place to focus on it.
Harry gave the room a cheeky smile and a half wave.
The floo flared behind him and McGonagall stepped out.
"Come along Mr. Potter." McGonagall said.
Harry followed his head of house. The room seemed to erupt in a flurry of whispered conversations.
A few people tried to approach them as they headed for the back of the pub, but McGonagall shooed them off.
Harry smirked as they stepped into the small space outside the back door.
"Thank you." Harry said softly. His face heating with a blush. He hated the attention though he was thankful that no one had tried to shake his hand this time.
"I think we've managed to do what we set out to do." McGonagall replied.
Harry nodded as they stepped into the alley.
Harry noticed that once again the alley seemed to have fewer people than normal. Everyone seemed to be in a hurry. He was fine with this. He hoped to take care of his business and get out of there. If no one else noticed him that would be all right.
"I need to go to Gringotts first." Harry informed McGonagall.
She stopped and turned toward him. She pulled a pouch from her robes.
"Severus said that he'd buy your clothes." She said holding out the bag to him.
Harry felt his cheeks burn in embarrassment. He also felt the slimy feeling in his stomach. He would never owe anyone again if he could help it. He shook his head.
"No thank you." Harry said quietly as he started heading towards the bank.
McGonagall seemed a little shocked but put the bag back in her pocket and followed him.
Harry bowed slightly to the goblins on guard at the front doors. He dropped the disillusionment over his rings and headed for an open teller.
The bank was mostly quiet. Only a few people seemed to be milling around.
Harry waited for the goblin to acknowledge him. It took a few moments, and he stood waiting patiently. He was thankful that McGonagall had stayed near the front of the bank. Nearly every time he'd been to the bank, he'd had someone breathing down his neck. He was about to take out quite a bit of money and did not want to be questioned about it. He needed several things in Diagon as well as needing to get muggle cash to pay Ernie, and a few people in Cokeworth back.
"What can Gringotts do for you today?" The goblin asked, drawing Harry's attention.
Harry bowed and stepped closer to the counter. The goblin bowed back and folded his hands in front of him.
"I'd like to make a withdrawal." Harry said firmly, meeting the goblin's eyes.
"Which account?" The Goblin asked.
Harry set his hand on the counter so that his rings were on display.
"Potter." Harry said clearly.
The goblin took a quick glance at the ring.
"Of course, this way." The goblin said.
Harry followed the goblin to the carts and took the nauseating ride deep into the earth. He counted hundreds of galleons into a bag he had. He had cast a featherlight charm and extension charm on it.
When he stepped out of the vault the goblin gave him a curious look.
"Yes?" Harry asked.
"Rokk does not mean to tell Heir Potter what to do with his money, but caring that amount through the alley is dangerous. Is there a reason you don't use your key as an account with the shops? Or is your money not being spent here?" Rokk asked.
Harry looked at the goblin and realized he was rather young. Older goblins wouldn't have bothered, Harry knew.
Harry smiled.
"Just Harry is fine. I am doing some of my shopping in the alley today. I was unaware I could use my key that way. I will do that in the future. Thank you for the information. I am however, also hoping to have some of this converted to pounds." Harry explained.
Rokk nodded in consideration.
Harry took in Rokk's clothing and noticed the crests on his shirt. One was the crest of the bank. The second, however, was a bit of a shock.
"You're a descendant of Ragnuk?" Harry asked.
Rokk seemed a little shocked by the question.
"Yes. My grandfather is the current goblin king." Rokk said with pride.
Harry nodded.
"Fascinating. How long have you been working for the bank?" Harry asked eagerly.
"Just this summer. Goblins are not eligible for employment in the bank until they've reached." The goblin continued in gobbledygook.
Harry bit his lip. He had no idea what the Goblins had to reach to work at the bank. Apparently, his blank look was obvious to Rokk.
"My apologies. I've never met a wizard like you. Someone interested in goblins that is. We reach a certain maturity around our fiftieth birthday and are considered mature enough to work for the bank." Rokk explained.
Harry nodded excitedly. He'd also never met a goblin so willing to talk to him.
"We're you a silversmith before?" Harry asked, recalling that many goblins worked in metal work.
Rokk gave Harry a terrifying smile and nodded. Harry smiled back.
"Amazing. Would…would you be interested in corresponding? I'd love to talk to you more." Harry asked cautiously. He didn't want to offend the goblin, but this was a unique situation.
Rokk seemed to consider briefly and nodded.
"That would be agreeable, Heir Potter." Rokk said.
Harry considered for a moment.
"May I ask why you refer to me as Heir Potter? Shouldn't it be Lord?" Harry asked curiously.
"No, while you are Lord apparent. Until you reach your majority you will be referred to as Heir. At least by the goblins." Rokk explained.
Harry nodded, it sort of made sense.
"May I ask why you are in the alley today? I saw the Prophet. Are you not in hiding?" Rokk asked.
Harry smirked.
"I am in hiding. However it was decided I should go into public to show that I'm not in hiding. So people don't go looking for where I might be hiding." Harry said with a dry laugh.
Rokk gave him what he guessed was an amused look.
"Um. I guess if we start communicating that might blow my hiding spot." Harry sighed.
It was the same reason he hadn't really talked to anyone this summer.
Rokk gave him another toothy smile.
"Goblin magic is not like wizard magic…Harry. Gringotts sends encrypted letters all the time. A drop of blood or the wizards wand touching the letter are required to read the contents. I can send the letters with a blank sheet of enchanted paper for you to respond on." Rokk explained.
Harry shifted on his feet a little and twisted the strings on his bag. He supposed that could work. He hoped Snape wouldn't be upset by the increase of mail.
"Yeah, that should work." Harry nodded with a half-smile.
Rokk nodded.
Harry bowed deeply and then extended his hand.
Rokk bowed back and then took Harry's hand. They shook briefly and then headed back to the cart.
When Harry had finished getting his galleons converted, he turned to look for McGonagall. He was slightly annoyed to find she was talking to Bill Weasley. He still wasn't sure how to feel about Bill. He'd been angry and hurt that he'd swooped in and taken him away from his relaxed summer. Then he'd dumped him into Snapes lap. Really none of that was Bill's fault though.
Harry bit his tongue and took a deep breath as he approached them.
"All finished Harry?" McGonagall asked.
Harry nodded. His eyes flicked to Bill and then away.
"Hello Harry. I saw Professor McGonagall and when she told me you were here with her, I wanted to talk to you for a moment." Bill said.
Harry just nodded and waited. He hoped Bill would not bring up whatever it was that the twins had said, that had set his whole life on fire.
"I never got the chance to find out what you were trying to hire a curse breaker for. I'd like to offer my services for anything you need." Bill said earnestly.
Harry looked at Bill and felt his resolve to be cold crack a little. The Weasley's were the kindest people he'd ever met. However, he was having reservations about telling anyone about what was currently in his trunk.
"I appreciate that. I've decided to look into the matter myself. If I do end up needing a curse breaker, I'll contact you." Harry responded.
Bill had a slightly hurt look in his eyes. It reminded him of times he'd seen Ron look disappointed. He felt bad but he wouldn't let that change his mind.
"I understand. Please be careful Harry." Bill said sincerely, looking Harry in the eye.
"Have a nice evening." Bill said with a quick nod to both of them before heading back towards a door.
Harry took a deep breath and looked at McGonagall.
"Are you ready to continue?" McGonagall asked.
Harry nodded and they headed into the alley.
Harry sat across from Snape at the kitchen table. They'd returned a while ago. He'd done his shopping with minimal interference. Plenty of people had seen the 'Boy-who-lived' in Diagon and McGonagall had been good about heading them off. He'd acquired a new trunk and a lot of new books. He was excited to dig into his new reading. He'd had a brief disagreement with McGonagall, when he'd insisted on going to a secondhand shop for his clothing but she'd eventually conceded.
He didn't need brand-new clothing. He just needed clothes that were not covered in holes and stains. Preferably in his size. He'd acquired a few new shirts and jeans. He was looking forward to wearing clothing that would fit him.
Sirius and Remus had been gone when they'd returned to the school. He wasn't sure how to feel about that. He'd been relieved to not have to have another uncomfortable conversation. However, he felt bad about what he'd said and part of him had wanted them to be there.
Harry sighed.
He pushed his food around. He'd cooked a quick stir fry for dinner, but he had no appetite. The day had been terribly stressful. Snape had still said nothing to him. They'd silently moved around each other. Harry could feel the ball of anxiety growing in his stomach.
"You should try and eat something." Snape said softly.
Harry looked up, surprised at the break in the awkward silence.
He noticed Snapes plate was empty and looked back down to his. He'd not taken a single bite.
Harry nodded and stabbed a few veggies onto his fork. He ate the little he'd taken before standing and clearing the table. He set to washing the dishes when Snape began to speak.
"I'll need to brew a few of your potions tomorrow, but I have the rest. I'd like to go over them with you tonight so that you can start taking them." Snape said. His voice was level and Harry appreciated that he wasn't yelling or growling at him.
"Yes, sir." Harry said softly.
He heard Snape sigh. He looked over his shoulder and caught the look on Snapes face. He was unguarded and looked exhausted.
Harry finished the last dish and washed his hands before turning back to Snape.
He shuffled his feet a little before taking his seat again.
He swallowed hard before meeting Snapes gaze.
"These are the potions you'll need to take. This is a general healing potion. Your body has a lot of long-term damage, this will hopefully help repair it. This is a basic nutritional potion. I will be brewing one to help with the anemia as well. This is a nerve regenerator. This should help with the tremor in your hand. It would have been more effective if we'd started it sooner, but it should still make some improvements. This is the first of an oculus potion series. This will strengthen your eyes. Your magic is carrying the bulk of vision correction right now. This potion isn't common. Most Wixen just get glasses. However, given your significant vision issues I think correction will be more effective. You'll need to take one a week for about a month." Snape explained.
Harry felt overwhelmed by all the potions in front of him.
"This is Breath of life. I'd like you to carry a vile in addition to your inhaler. If the inhaler doesn't work, you need to take this. Then you need to get to me or another adult so that we can monitor you. Today…today could have been a lot worse." Snape said, worry clear in his voice.
Harry looked down at his clasped hands.
"I'm sorry." Harry muttered.
"It's not your fault Harry." Snape said softly.
After a pause Snape continued.
"This is a pot of scar cream. And this is a jar of nerve healing salve. I'd recommend using both anywhere you have damage to your skin." Snape said softly.
"I can assist you with that. If you need help." Snape added.
Harry felt his stomach roll. Despite all that had been shared he'd not actually had to show off much of his disgusting body. How could Snape even consider something like that?
"I'll brew you some calming draught tomorrow that will have alternative ingredients. I'll also make you a stomach soother. You should take it before meals. You need to put on some weight, and I know you are struggling to eat." Snape said.
Harry nodded. It was a lot.
"Okay." Harry said wrapping his arms around himself. He wanted to put away his new things and take a shower. He wanted to be alone for a while.
"May I be dismissed?" Harry whispered.
He was so ready to be done.
"I have a few more things I'd like to speak with you about. Then yes you may go." Snape said calmly
Harry nodded.
"First, I spoke with Professor McGonagall." Snape started.
Harry closed his eyes. He wondered if this was going to be about his sleep issues or him refusing the money in Diagon. McGonagall had spoken briefly to Snape when they'd returned. He really didn't want to discuss either. He could keep sleeping in the park and he'd already told Snape he would buy his own things.
"Harry please look at me." Snape coaxed. His voice was calm with a hint of concern.
Harry looked warily at Snape.
"I was the one who cast the spells around you. So do not be concerned that someone else saw you. I'm sorry that I was unaware that you were having difficulties sleeping. I…I'm not pleased that you broke the rules to become an Animagus. Although I can see the advantages. I'm also not impressed that you disregarded my rules about magic usage. I saw you shrink your bag. Now I will forgive these transgressions this time as things have been rather stressful. If it will help you to get adequate sleep I will allow you the use of your Animagus form. For that purpose alone." Snape said a bit sternly.
Harry swallowed hard and nodded. He was thankful that Snape didn't seem to be too angry. However, mostly he was thankful that he would not have to continue his current routine.
"Thank you, sir. I'm sorry for breaking your rules." Harry said softly.
Snape nodded.
"I also spoke with Lupin and Black." Snape continued.
Harry sighed.
"I'm sorry for disappointing you and them. I'll do better." Harry said exhaustion thick in his voice.
"I'm not disappointed Harry. I'm…I'm worried about you. I know that you were upset but the Hospital wing was full of people who care about you. You could have talked to any of us." Snape said.
Harry felt tears sting the back of his eyes and looked away from Snape.
"I didn't leave with the intention of hurting myself…I…I just needed space. Siri took his knife back. It was stupid and I'm sorry." Harry mumbled.
Snape sighed and rubbed his face.
"Do you understand that he took the knife to keep you safe, not to punish you? They care deeply about you. They're not disappointed in you Harry. They're disappointed in themselves." Snape said.
Harry shrugged. It didn't matter why they'd taken it. It just felt like they were pushing him further away. He knew they would once they really got to know him. Once they saw the freak that lived under the masks.
"They didn't do anything." Harry said with another shrug.
"That's why they're upset. They should have done something. We all should have. You didn't deserve the life you've been forced to live Harry, and we all had a hand in that." Snape said softly.
Harry didn't see it that way but there was little he could do to change their minds.
"Do you have anything else you might hurt yourself with?" Snape asked.
Harry considered for a moment. He didn't have another knife and he'd disposed of the razor blades he'd used previously. Although he was sure he could just use his wand if it felt necessary.
"No." Harry answered blankly.
Snape nodded.
"Very well. I'll trust you. Please come to me if you feel like hurting yourself again." Snape said, looking Harry in the eye.
Harry looked down but nodded.
"Could you possibly enlarge my purchases from today. I'd like to get things put away this evening." Harry asked nervously. He could do it himself but if he was not supposed to do magic then he'd need to ask.
Snape raised an eyebrow.
"I think you can manage that on your own. As long as you avoid doing magic where you might be seen. And do not do anything experimental or dangerous, I will allow you to use magic. You are fairly proficient in wandless magic. I'd advise using it when you can, over using your wand."
Harry smiled.
"Thank you, sir." Harry said honestly.
"Do not make me regret it." Snape said, pointing at Harry to make his point.
Harry nodded.
"Very well, I know you're exhausted. I'll let you head to bed. Before you go though, I'd like to give you something. I'd rather not speak about it tonight but if you'd like to ask questions later you may." Snape said.
Harry looked at him curiously. Snape reached into the pocket of his shirt and pulled out some kind of small paper.
Snape stood from the table and Harry did too.
Snape stared at the paper for a long moment before he held it out. Harry reached out and took it.
"Make sure you take your potions. I'll make you a schedule for them tomorrow." Snape said softly.
"Good night, Harry." Snape whispered before he disappeared down the basement steps to his potion's lab.
Harry watched the door close and then looked down at the item in his hands.
Tears pooled in the corners of his eyes.
The picture was of his mother. Younger then he'd ever seen her. She was sitting snugged up with what was without a doubt an equally young Severus Snape. They were sitting in a chair in the Book Nook with a big book open over both of their laps.
Snape had known his mother. Snape had been friends with his mother.
Harry sucked in a shaky breath and made his way upstairs. He couldn't deal with this right now.
He opened his old trunk and retrieved his photo album. He slid the small photo in next to the one of his mother in her uniform from The Willson's Diner. He retrieved his bag of new items from his pocket and set it on his bed.
He pulled the new trunk out and set the tiny thing on the floor before enlarging it. It was only slightly larger on the outside then his current trunk, however it had many enchantments on it. Harry set about organizing his knew trunk. He'd bought about fifty new books and was thankful that this trunk had a compartment called a traveling library. It could store up to six hundred books.
He enlarged the new clothing and laid out a set for tomorrow. He left all of his old clothing as well as the box holding the items with Voldemort's magic in them, in his old trunk. He shrunk it and hid it in a small compartment near the bottom of his new trunk. Then locked the compartment so only he could open it.
He continued his shuffling of items until everything was where it should be. He'd had to put many of his belongings on the floor for part of it, but now it looked much neater then his old overflowing trunk. Although the new one highlighted just how little he truly owned.
With a sigh Harry made it to the bathroom and took a shower. He was red and raw when he exited but he felt calmer. He took the potions he was supposed to and turned out the light. He left the door open a crack and turned into Akela. He wouldn't sleep on the bed. It felt disrespectful. He wandered over to the window and curled up underneath it. With a sigh he allowed himself to slip into sleep.
Severus groaned as he climbed the stairs. He had needed to clear his mind, so he'd gone to brew for a while. It had been a split-second decision to give Potter the picture. He hoped Harry would find some comfort in it.
When he reached the top of the stairs he noticed the slightly ajar door and the turned out lights. He assumed Harry had gone to bed. Severus peered into the room and noticed the bed was empty. He pushed the door open a little wider and stepped in slightly.
He sighed when he saw the large black dog curled under the window. He didn't know how that could possibly be more comfortable then sleeping on the bed in human form. However, if it's what he needed he wouldn't comment. Harry needed sleep and food to help his body recover. As he turned to leave his eye caught something on the ground near the leg of the bed.
Harry must have dropped something when he'd been transferring the contents of his trunk.
Snape bent down to pick it up. He didn't want Potter to loose whatever the small thing was under the bed. His breath caught as he took sight of what he'd picked up. A bag of muggle drugs. He'd confiscated his fair share of contraband at school.
Severus sighed. It just never seemed to end when it came to Harry. He shoved the bag in his pocket. He'd have to think about how to address this latest discovery with Harry. The boy had enough problems without adding addictive substances on top of it.
He made his way to the shower and then to his room. He put the bag of drugs and the pouch of money Minerva had given back to him in the top drawer of his dresser. He had been disappointed although not surprised that Harry had refused to take the money. Minerva had also informed him that Harry had taken a large amount of money out of the bank and converted most of it to muggle pounds. She was concerned the boy may run away again. Severus was concerned about it as well. Although with this latest discovery the money may be for drugs. Severus sighed. He'd think it all over tomorrow.
He lay in bed staring at the ceiling. Today had been utterly exhausting. He closed his eyes and began clearing his mind.
Severus slipped into a restless sleep.